21 Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakawhanaungatanga mō ngā Wahine

Ko te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga tētahi o ngā wāhanga tino whai hua o tō ao, mena he hauora, he whakaute, he mea hanga ki te māramatanga. Engari kāore tetahi e hoatu he pukapuka ture ki a koe mō te whakatere i te aroha, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te hononga kare ā-roto, me te pakanga. Koia mātou i kohikohi ai i tēnei aratohu mō ngā tohutohu whanaungatanga mō ngā wāhine, kāore e aro ki te tākaro kēmu engari ka āwhina i a koe ki te hanga hononga mā te mōhio ki a koe anō, te whakatakoto rohe, me te poipoi i te whanaungatanga piripono ki tō hoa.

I tēnei ao e kī ana i ngā tohu whakaranu, ngā tumanakohanga tawhito mō te ira tangata, me te pēhanga pāpori, ka memeha haere te rārangi i waenga i te patunga tapu me te whakaute i a koe anō. Mā te tohutohu tika koe e āwhina ki te tuhi i taua rārangi me te māia. Ka āwhina i a koe ki te kite i ngā haki whero, ki te whakanui i ngā haki kakariki, me te puta i roto i tō whanaungatanga me te aroha me te kaha.

Ā, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te whakatutuki i ēnā mea katoa? Mā te whai i ngā tohutohu whakaaro nui whai hua, pumau hoki e 21, e tautokona ana e ngā māramatanga mai i ngā tohunga hinengaro, ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro, me ngā tāne me ngā wāhine o te ao tūturu. Ahakoa kei te whakaipoipo koe, kei te tauhou rānei ki te marena, he mea kei konei hei whakaaroaro, hei whakamahi, hei wareware rānei. 

Ngā Tohutohu Whakawhanaungatanga Pai rawa atu mō ngā Wahine

Ko ngā whanaungatanga pai e pā ana ki te taurite, ā, e hangai ana ki te aroha ki a ia anō, te ngoikore, me te hononga kare ā-roto hōhonu e honoa ana ki ngā rohe hauora me te mana motuhake. Ka taea ēnei katoa mā te kōrero pono, te whakaatu i te maioha, me te whai i te wairua whakakatakata i ētahi wā.

Inaianei, tera pea he rite tēnei ki ngā tohutohu whanaungatanga hohonu, matatika mō ngā wāhine, he pai te āhua i roto i te ariā engari he uaua ki te whakatinana. Āe, ehara i te mea ngāwari. Mā ngā tohutohu whai muri, ka taea e koe te whakauru i ēnei mātāpono ki tō oranga o ia rā, me te hanga hononga pumau ki tō hoa rangatira, i ia wā, i ia wā. Ahakoa kei te ngana koe ki te wikitoria i te tāne o ō moemoeā, ki te whakapai ake rānei i tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira, ka āwhinahia koe e tēnei tohutohu whakaipoipo wahine:

I te Wāhanga Whakaipoipo 

Teiti me te ngākau mārama me te whakaute i a koe anō. Mā ngā kōwhiringa wawe ka ako te tangata ki te manaaki i a koe, nō reira kia aro ki te āhua o te whakapau kaha, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te whai i te hua i te ao tūturu. Kāore koe e whakamātautau ana kia whakaaetia. Mātakitaki mēnā kua whakaritea ngā mahere i mua, mēnā ka tonohia he kōrero tūturu e ngā karere kuputuhi, ā, kua tutuki ngā rohe me te kore tautohetohe. Mēnā he taha kotahi te hiahia, hoki whakamuri. He pai te hiahia ki te mōhio. Kāore te whai. Anei me pēhea te whakatere i te wāhanga teiti me te āta whakaaro:

1. Kaua rawa e whaia he tāne

Ehara te ngakaukore i te titiro pai, ā, ko te whai i tētahi tāne kāore e whakahoki mai ana i a koe ka waiho noa koe kia ngenge, ā, ka oma atu ia ki tētahi atu huarahi. I ngā wāhanga tōmua o te whakaipoipo , he mea maori te harikoa, engari ki te kaha rawa te akiaki i tana aro ka hoki mai pea. Ki te nui rawa tō haumi i te wā wawe, ka tūpono koe ka nui rawa tō haumi me tō manukanuka, ina koa ka tīmata ia ki te hoki whakamuri.

Ki te hiahia tetahi tāne ki a koe, ka whakapau kaha ia ki te kite i a koe me te kōrero. Ko ngā tohutohu whakaipoipo a ngā tāne mō ngā wāhine he mea hāngai ki tēnei pono ngāwari: kāore koe e tika kia akiaki. He pai te whai i a koe, me te maioha ki a koe mō tō āhua. Tukua ia kia haere mai ki a koe, ā, ki te kore ia e haere mai, tangohia te tohu, ka penapena i tō kaha mō te tāne e haere mai ana. Kia mahara, me whakapai ake te whanaungatanga i tō oranga, kaua e pau i a koe i roto i te whainga nui.

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2. Kaua e ngana ki te whakarerekē i a ia

Ina aroha koe ki tētahi tāne, he ngāwari noa iho te wareware i ngā hapa o tētahi tāne, te kī atu rānei ki a koe anō ka taea e koe te whakatika i a ia i roto i te wā. Engari ko te tohutohu hohonu mō ngā wāhine mō te whanaungatanga ko te whakaae ki te tāne i tōna āhua tūturu, kaua hei mahi-ā-ringa. Ae, ka taea e te tangata te tipu me te whakapai ake, engari me hiahia ia ki te whakarerekē i a ia anō. Ki te uru koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi rārangi arowhai o ngā huarahi katoa me rerekē ai ia, kei te whakarite koe i a kōrua mō te pouri. 

Ki te kore ia e whakautehia e koe i tēnei wā, me mahi he mea pai māu, me neke atu i te noho noa me te ngana ki te hanga i a ia. Ka taea e koe te whakatenatena me te tautoko i tētahi hoa, engari kaua e akiaki i a ia, kaua hoki e akiaki i a ia kia noho hei tangata kē. He rerekētanga i waenga i ngā whakataunga iti me te hanga hou i te āhua o te tangata. He pai ake te kimi i tētahi tangata e rite ana ōna uara me ōna tikanga ki ōu, i te ngana ki te mahi i tētahi whakawhiti tuakiri ki a Mr. Wrong.

3. Kaua e piripono, e hiahia ana ki ngā kupu tawhito 

Ka taea e te piripono i roto i te whanaungatanga te ārai i te aroha e tipu haere ana. He mea maori te hiahia kia arohaina, kia haumaru hoki, engari ko te rapu tonu i te whakamarie mā roto i ngā karere kuputuhi tonu, te hae, te hiahia rānei kia noho tahi mō ngā haora me ngā haora, he maha ngā wā ka rerekē te pānga, ā, ka mutu ka panaia atu te tāne. I roto i te whanaungatanga hauora, me whai wāhi ngā hoa tokorua ki te manawa. Ki te mea kei te manukanuka, kei te pōuri rānei koe, kōrerohia marietia, kaua e whakamahi i ngā whakamātautau, i ngā tono rānei kia arohia koe.

He maha ngā wā, ko te "matea" nui rawa atu i ahu mai i te kore aroha ki a koe anō, i ngā wheako o mua rānei i wehi ai koe kei ngaro. Kia mōhio ki tēnā, ā, me mahi ki te whakamarie i aua manukanuka i roto i a koe. He pai te whai kupu whakamarie pono mai i tō hoa, engari kaua e waiho ko ia anake te pūtake o tō mana ake. 

Mā te kī tonu "E aroha ana koe ki ahau?", mā te riri rānei mēnā ka noho ia me ōna hoa i te pō, ka taea te whakapōrearea i te whanaungatanga i roto i te wā. E whakamārama ana te tohunga hinengaro, a Tākuta Aman Bhonsle, "Ko te hunga e pāngia ana e te manukanuka, me whai whakaaro pea rātou kāore pea te hoa e pai ki te tuku, ā, ko te matea tonu ka puta ko te uaua ki te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ehara i te mea ko te pupuri kaha atu i a ia; engari ko te hanga i tō ake whakapono me tō whakawhirinaki."

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4. Kaua e wareware ki te tiaki i a koe anō mō ​​te tāne

Ahakoa te āhua mārama rawa o tēnei tohutohu, he maha ngā wā ka warewarehia: me tiaki koe i a koe anō. He ngāwari ki ngā wāhine te ringihia ō rātou kaha katoa ki tētahi hoa, inā koa i roto i te aroha hou, ina hiahia koe ki te hoatu me te hoatu. Engari ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu whanaungatanga tino whakamana mō ngā wāhine ko tēnei: ​​kaua e tahuna koe kia mahana ai tētahi atu. Kia mau ki tō hauora tinana me tō hauora hinengaro, whaia ō hiahia, me te pupuri i ō rohe whaiaro. Ehara i te mea ka harikoa ake koe, ka taurite ake hoki, engari ka nui ake hoki tō hiahia hei hoa.

He mea nui anō hoki te tiaki i a koe anō ina uaua ngā wā. He wero kei roto i ia whanaungatanga. Ki te kore koe e aro ki a koe anō, ka uaua ake te aro atu ki tēnei. Engari ki te mau tonu koe ki tō whatunga tautoko me tō oranga whaiaro, ka nui ake te atawhai mōu ki te wikitoria i ngā pakanga me ngā wā uaua. 

Ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu mō te whakaipoipo wahine e tino tautokohia ana e au, kaua rawa e whakarērea te tiaki i a koe anō mō ​​tētahi tāne. Mā te whakaatu tonu i a koe anō, ka whakarite koe i te wā e whakaatu ana koe i a koe anō mō ​​tō hoa, he wāhi e puta mai ana i te tino pai, ehara i te mea e pau ana. E ai ki te kōrero, kāore e taea te ringihia mai i tētahi kapu kau, nō reira whakakīia tō kapu i te tuatahi.

5. Kia pai te whakarongo

He maha ngā wā ka whakanuia te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero hei pou mō te whanaungatanga hauora, ā, he tika hoki. Heoi, ehara i te mea ko te kōrero anake te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua . Ko te whakarongo te haurua o te pakanga, ki te kore he nui atu. Ko te ako kia noho hei kaiwhakarongo pai tētahi o ngā tohutohu whanaungatanga pai rawa atu mā ngā wāhine nā te mea ka meinga tō hoa kia rongo i te uara me te māramatanga. Mā te whakarongo pai, ka hangaia he wāhi haumaru e taea ai e kōrua te whakatuwhera i ō kōrua whakaaro. Ā, koinei te pūtake o te whanaungatanga pono. He mea whakamatautau te hohoro ki te tuku tohutohu, te hono rānei i ngā mea katoa ki ō ake wheako. Engari ko te whakarongo pono ko te tikanga,

• Te noho
• Te uiui i nga uiraa
• E ngana ana ki te mārama ki ōna tirohanga i mua i tō whakautu
• Ina kōrero tō hoa, hoatu he tohu ki a ia kei te taumau kōrua
• Ahakoa kāore koe e whakaae ki tāna e kōrero ana, kaua e hiahia ki te whakakore, ki te whakatakoto rānei i tāu whakautu i waenganui o te rerenga kōrero.
• Tukua ia kia whakaoti. 
• Te hopu i ngā kupu huna, i ngā kare ā-roto rānei kei muri i āna kupu. Kei te manukanuka ia? Kei te hihiko? Kei te pouri?
• Te whakaae ki aua kare ā-roto 

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6. Kaua e huna ō raruraru i raro i te whāriki

He ara kino te huna i ngā take ki raro i te whāriki. Tērā pea ka mau te rangimārie mō tētahi wā poto, engari ko ngā raruraru kāore i whakatauhia ka tipu ake ngā niho. Tērā pea ka kino koe ki tana whakarite mahere me te kore e tono atu ki a koe, ka mamae rānei koe i tana kōrero kino. Whakahuatia mārire, engari me whakapuaki. Ehara i te mea he mea noa te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, engari he mea hauora mēnā ka whakahaerea pai. 

Ina hoki, e whakaatu ana ngā rangahau a Tākuta John Gottman ko te karo i ngā pakanga i ngā wā katoa tētahi o ngā tohu matua o te wehenga. Āe. Ahakoa te ahua ngāwari ake o te karo i ngā kōrero uaua i tēnei wā tonu, engari mō te wā roa ka puta te riri.

Whakaarohia ngā raruraru kāore anō kia whakatauhia he pakarukaru i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Waiho atu, ā, ka pirau. I tētahi atu taha, ki te tangohia marietia e koe te pakarukaru, ka ora te patunga. Ehara i te mea ko te huri i ngā mea iti katoa hei pakanga nui. Ko tōna tikanga, ki te tino raruraru koe i tētahi mea, ki te mea rānei he raruraru anō kei te haere tonu, ka aro atu kōrua ki taua raruraru. 

7. Aroha ki a koe ano

Kua rongo koe i tēnei miriona wā, engari kia miriona wā tātou, nā te mea koinei te tohutohu whanaungatanga pai rawa atu mō ngā wāhine, e kore e taea te whakahua anō: me aroha koe ki a koe anō i te tuatahi. He aha ai? Nā te mea ko te huarahi e whakanui ai koe i a koe anō te paerewa mō te whakanui a ētahi atu i a koe. Ki te aroha pono koe, ki te whakaute hoki i a koe anō, e kore koe e aro ki te kore whakaute, e kore hoki koe e ngaro i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakamanawareka i tētahi.

He ātaahua te kī a te tohunga hinengaro me te kaituhi a Brené Brown: "Ka taea e tātou te aroha ki ētahi atu pērā i tō tātou aroha ki a tātou anō." Me whai wā poto koe ki te whakaaroaro. Arā, ki te kī tonu koe i te whakahē i a koe anō me te kore e māia, ka nui rawa tō whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa hei "whakakī" i a koe, ka taea rānei e koe te whakangaro i te aroha nā te mea kāore koe e tika ana kia whiwhi. I tētahi atu taha, ki te aroha koe ki a koe anō, ki ō hapa, ki ō āhuatanga rerekē, me ērā atu mea katoa, ka kawea mai e koe he tangata tino maia ki te whanaungatanga. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakamana tonu, ā, kāore koe e huri i a koe hei mea whakakatakata hei pupuri i te tāne. Ka pai koe i a koe anō, ā, he mea rerekē tēnei ka nui ake te aro o tētahi ki a koe. 

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Ngā Wāhanga Tīmata o te Hononga

Koinei te wā e whakatakotoria ai te turanga tūturu. Kāore kōrua e "kite noa tetahi i tetahi", engari e mōhio ana ki te tikanga o te neke tahi. Ko te huarahi e kōrero ai kōrua i nāianei, te huarahi e whakapuaki kōrero ai kōrua, te whakahaere i te wā puku, te whakaputa rānei i ngā mea riri iti, ka āta noho hei manawataki mō tō kōrua hononga. 

Kei te whakarite hoki koe i ngā tūranga me ngā tumanakohanga, he maha ngā wā kāore koe e mōhio. Ko wai ka toro atu ki te tuatahi i te awatea? Me pēhea te wehewehenga o ngā mahi o te whare, ngā pūtea, ngā mahere mutunga wiki rānei? Kei te noho noa koe ki te rohe whakamarie o tētahi tangata, kei te tuku noa rānei? Ka tāpirihia ēnei whakataunga iti o ia rā, ka huri hei "ture ngaro" mō tō whanaungatanga. Anei ētahi tohutohu nui mō te whanaungatanga mā ngā wāhine hei whakatere i ēnei wāhanga tōmua:

8. Kia ngoikore, ahakoa kei te mataku koe

He ahua whakamataku tēnei, e mōhio ana ahau. Ko te tikanga o te ngoikore ko te whakatuwhera, te whakaatu i tō tuakiri tūturu, me te tūpono ki te whakakorengia, ki te mamae rānei. Ahakoa te ahua rerekē, ko te ngoikore te toto ora o ngā whanaungatanga hohonu, aroha. I kī rongonui te ahorangi rangahau rongonui a Brené Brown, "Ko te ngoikore te wāhi whānau o te aroha, te noho tahi, te harikoa, te maia, te aroha, me te auahatanga. Ki te hiahia tātou kia mārama ake tā tātou kaupapa, kia hohonu ake rānei te oranga wairua, kia whai tikanga ake, ko te ngoikore te ara."

He aha te āhua o tēnei ina mahi? Ko tōna tikanga he whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto, kaua e huna. 

• Te kī atu ki a ia kei te ngaro koe i a ia, kaua ki te takaro noa iho
• Te whakaae ina whara koe, ina hē rānei koe
• Te kī tuatahi "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe", ki te mea koinā tōu tino kare ā-roto
• Tukua koe kia tangi i tōna aroaro
• Te whakapuaki i tētahi wāhanga mamae o tō mua
• Te whakaatu i tētahi āhuatanga wairangi e tiakina tonutia ana e koe

Āe, tera pea kāore ia e whakautu mai pērā i tāu e tumanako nei. Kāore pea ia i te rite ki te whakapuaki i tōna ngākau, kāore pea ia e whakahoki mai i tētahi kare ā-roto i taua wā tonu. Ka mamae tēnā. Ahakoa rā, he ara anō tō te ngoikore ki te whakapakari i ngā hononga.

Ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu hōhonu mō ngā whanaungatanga mō ngā wāhine ko tēnei: ​​me whakapono ka tātarihia e te ngoikore ngā tāngata tika ki roto i tō ao. Tērā pea ka whakahēngia, ka tawaitia rānei tō tuwhera e te tāne hē, ā, e whakaatu ana tēnā ehara ia i te tangata haumaru mō tō ngākau. Heoi, ka mōhio te tāne tika ki te toa me te ataahua o tō pono, ā, ka whakatata atu ia ki a ia. 

9. Kia noho koe

He tino māmā noa iho te ahua: kia noho ko koe tonu. Heoi, i roto i te whakaipoipo, he tokomaha o tātou e whakaatu ana i te āhua o te tangata, inā koa i te tīmatanga. Tērā pea ka whakaari koe e pai ana ki tana roopu tino pai, engari kāore, ka huna rānei koe i tō wairua takaro nā te mea kāore koe i te tino mohio ka mārama ia. He mea noa te hiahia ki te whakaatu i tō tātou "tino pai" ki tētahi hou.

Kaua e taka ki roto i te mahanga o te noho hei kāmereona hei whakamanawareka i a ia. Ko te pono te mea nui ki te hononga pumau. E kī ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko te pono i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te hanga i ō ake ture i runga i te tangata ko wai koe me tāu e hiahia ana." Nō reira, kaua e whai i tāu e whakaaro ana e hiahia ana ia. Engari, whakaatuhia tō āhua, ā, ka maioha te tangata tika ki a koe.

• Ki te mea he tangata wairangi koe e kata ana ki ngā kōrero whakakatakata, whakaae mai.
• Ki te mea he nui tō wawata me tō mahi, kaua e whakaititia tēnā nā te mea kei te āwangawanga koe kei whakamataku ia i a ia.
• Ki te mea he ngākau nui tōu ki ngā mahi nerd, tohaina mai! 

Ka puta te hototahitanga pono ina whakakitea e te tokorua ō rāua āhua tūturu, ā, ka kitea e rāua he hononga. Ki te mau tonu koe i te kōpare kanohi, kei te aroha ia ki tētahi e whakaari ana koe i a ia anō, ā, he mea e kore e taea te mau tonu, me te kore e kōrero he hoha.

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10. Whakatauhia tāu e hiahia ana

I mua i te taenga mai o te whanaungatanga e moemoeā ana koe, me mōhio koe ki te āhua o taua moemoeā. He maha rawa ngā wāhine e takahuri ana ki ngā whanaungatanga kāore i te mārama, ā, ka kitea kua maha ngā tau e noho tahi ana me tētahi tangata kāore e ōrite ana āna whāinga, āna uara rānei. Whakatauhia he aha tāu e tino hiahia ana i roto i tētahi hoa rangatira me tētahi whanaungatanga. He mea noa, he mea nui rānei tāu e hiahia ana? He marena me ngā tamariki, he hoa haere rānei? Me pēhea te manaaki i a koe? He aha ngā mea kāore e taea te whiriwhiri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ? Ina mārama koe ki ēnei mea, ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ēnei mea, me te kite wawe mēnā kāore tētahi tāne i te whai whakaaro kotahi.

Hei tauira, ki te mōhio koe e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga takitahi, ā, ka mea te tāne kāore ia e pai ki ngā tapanga, e kore koe e noho noa me te tumanako ka huri ia. Ka hiahia koe kia pai ia, ka neke atu. Ko te māramatanga te mana. Ka ārahi i a koe ki te wā me kī āe, me te wā hoki me kī kāo. Nō reira, me rapu whakaaro koe: whakaarohia tō whanaungatanga tino pai. Ina mōhio koe ki tāu e rapu ana, he nui ake te tūponotanga ka kitea e koe.

11. Matapakihia ngā tūranga ira tangata

Kāore pea tēnei e puta ake i te rā tuatahi, engari i te mea ka nui haere te kino o te whanaungatanga, he mea whakaaro nui kia kōrerohia ngā tumanakohanga mō te "ko wai e mahi ana i te aha" i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e ngā tūranga ira tangata me ngā tumanakohanga ahurea te pā ki ngā mea katoa mai i te tangata e utu ana i te tina ki te wehewehe i ngā mahi ki ngā whakataunga mahi me te whānau a muri ake nei. Kei te noho tātou i tētahi wā hou e whakahoungia ana te tautuhi i ngā tūranga ira tangata tuku iho , he mea pai tēnā, mena kei te kotahi te ngaru o tō whakaaro me tō hoa. Nō reira, kōrerohia,

• E hiahia ana kōrua ki te mahi wā-katoa? 
• He aha ō whakaaro mō te takoha a ia o kōrua ki te moni whiwhi, mō te tango wā rānei a tētahi o kōrua mēnā ka uru mai ngā tamariki ki te mahi? 
• Ā, me pēhea ngā mahi o te whare? He 50/50 rānei, he pūkenga, he hiahia rānei tō tētahi o kōrua?

He pai ake te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i ēnei mea i te whakaaro noa, kātahi ka riri tetahi ki tetahi. He mea nui te kōrero mō ngā tumanakohanga nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia kia taka ki tētahi momo āhua kāore tetahi o kōrua e hiahia ana. Engari, me whakaae ki ngā kaha o tetahi ki tetahi, kaua e wehewehe noa i ngā mea i runga i ngā ira tangata. Mena he pai ake ia ki te tunu kai, ā, he mōhio koe ki te mahi hiko, ko wai ka kī ko te wahine me tunu kai, ko te tāne me whakatika i ngā mea? Waihangahia tō ake taurite. 

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te tautuhi anō i ngā tūranga ira tangata i roto i ngā mahi o te whare

12. Kaua e whakaharikoa i te tangata

He tangata kāore e taea e koe te kī kāo? Ka whakaae koe ki ngā hiahia o tō hoa rangatira kia harikoa ai rātou, ahakoa he rerekē ō whakaaro i roto i a koe? Ki te pērā, whakarongo ki tēnei tohutohu whanaungatanga mō ngā wāhine: whakarērea te whanonga whakaharikoa i te tangata, ināianei tonu. Ko te whakapau kaha tonu ki te whakaharikoa i tō tāne, tera pea e ahua pai ana koe, engari ka arahi noa iho ki te ngenge, te riri i roto i te whanaungatanga , me te ngaro o te whakaaro ki a koe anō.

Whakaarohia, i ia wā ka mea koe, "Ae, ahakoa te aha e hiahia ana koe", i a koe e aue ana i roto, ka whakatō koe i tētahi purapura riri iti. Ā tōna wā, ka tupu aua purapura, ā, ka pahū pea koe mō tētahi mea iti noa iho, ka tīmata rānei te māharahara i te tawhiti atu i tētahi hoa kāore i te mōhio he aha te hē. 

Kāore te aroha pono e hiahia ana ki te whakamatea. He iti noa te whakaae? Ae. Engari ehara i te whakakore katoa i ō hiahia. Ā, he mea whakamīharo, ko te noho hei tangata e pai ana ki te tangata ka taea te pana atu i tētahi tangata pai, nā te mea e kite ana ia i te kore pono, e taumaha ana rānei i te whakanuia. Nō reira, me pēhea te mutu? Tīmata noa i te iti, whakaharatau ki te kī kāo, ki te whakaatu rānei i tō hiahia pono mō ngā mea iti te tūponotanga pēnei i te mea, ki te ngenge koe i te pō Paraire, kī atu "He pai ake ki ahau te noho ki roto" kaua ki te whakaae ki te haere ki waho me te mauahara puku. 

13. Kaua e noho noa

He maha ngā wā ka whakamahia tēnei kīanga, engari kia mārama tātou: ko te kore e whakaae ki te iti iho i roto i te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea me tumanako koe ki tētahi hoa pakiwaitara tino pai, kāore he hapa. Ko tōna tikanga, kaua e noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ehara i te mea e hiahiatia ana e koe, e tika ana rānei, nā te wehi, nā te mangere rānei, nā te "utu nui" rānei. Ko te mea nui, me whai māia koe ki te pupuri i tētahi aroha e whakakī ana i a koe i te nuinga o te wā.

Ki te kitea e koe kei te whakamārama koe i ō whanonga kino, kei te kī rānei koe "Āe, kāore he tangata tino tika, me whakawhetai noa ahau, me noho tonu," me tatari, ka pātai atu mēnā kei te karo noa koe i te mamae o te huringa. He maha ngā tāngata, ngā wāhine me ngā tāne, e noho tonu ana i roto i ngā whanaungatanga koretake, kino rānei, nā te mea e mataku ana rātou kei noho mokemoke rātou. 

Ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu mō te whakaipoipo mā ngā wāhine mai i ngā tāne i runga i te Reddit ko: "Kati te whakaipoipo i ngā tāngata koretake. Ko ētahi tāngata ka uru ki ngā whanaungatanga kino nā te mea he ātaahua rātou, kāore rānei e hiahia kia noho mokemoke. Kaua rawa." He nanakia, engari kāore i te hē. He maha ngā wā ka puta mai te noho tahi i te hinengaro rawakore e whakapono ana koe koinei te mea pai rawa atu. Engari ehara i te mea pono. Ki te mea kei roto i tō puku e kī ana kāore tētahi tangata, tētahi whanaungatanga rānei e tika ana māu, kei te pouri tonu rānei koe, me whakatika e koe. Ko te tikanga pea ko te mahi tahi ki te whakatau i tētahi mea, te kimi huarahi hei whakapai ake i te āhuatanga, te wehe atu rānei.

Pānui e pā ana: 7 Ngā Huarahi e Whakapūmau ai te Whawhai i roto i te Hononga

Ngā Hononga Mō Te Wā Roa me te Marenatanga

Ina maha ngā tau o te noho tahi, kāore te aroha e rite ki ngā ahi mura, engari ki te ahi pumau e tiakina ana e koe i ia rā, i ia rā. Ehara te pumau i konei i te karo i ngā pakanga engari ko te whakatika mā te whakapāha ina he koe, te muru hara ina he tō hoa, me te hoki whakamuri kia rongo rā anō kōrua. Ka noho te hoahoa hei kupenga haumaru mā kōrua. Mā ngā katakata o roto, ngā mahi o ia rā, me ngā mahi atawhai iti e whakamahara ki a kōrua he aha kōrua i whiriwhiri ai tetahi i tetahi i te tuatahi.

Me tiaki anō hoki te hiahia. Kāore e ora tonu i runga i te arai aunoa. Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e ora ana mō te wā roa, e whai hua ana, ka whai wā tonu rātou ki te whakarite i te wā mō te whanaungatanga piripono, ahakoa he pō whakaipoipo noa, he pārekareka kāore i te tere, he tirotiro kare ā-roto rānei e hohonu ake ana i ngā whakaritenga. Ka tipu ake te hiahia ina kite tonu kōrua tetahi i tetahi he takitahi me ā rāua moemoeā, he āhuatanga rerekē, me ngā oranga motuhake ka whakahokia mai e kōrua hei whakapuaki. Anei ētahi huarahi ka taea e ngā wāhine te whakarite kia ora tonu tā rāua whanaungatanga:

14. Kia matatau ki te whawhai

Āe, tika tāu i pānui ai. Ko ngā pakanga "pai", arā, ko te whakatau pakanga hauora , he pūkenga nui i roto i ngā whanaungatanga roa. Ehara i te mea ko te karo i ngā pakanga i ngā wā katoa te whāinga. Engari, akohia te whawhai tika. Ko te tikanga o tēnei, kaua e karanga ingoa kino, kaua e kōrero anō i ngā hara o mua, kaua e whakaiti i te tika o te kōrero. Ko te tikanga, kia mau tonu ki te take kei mua i te aroaro, kaua hoki e huri hei patu tangata. Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mōhio ki te pakanga, e mōhio ana rātou ki te wā hei okioki, me pēhea te marino me te whakarongo tetahi ki tetahi, me pēhea te kimi otinga, te mārama rānei.

15. Kia whai oranga koe

Ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu pai mō ngā wāhine mō te whanaungatanga ko te kaua e ngaro i a koe anō, i te oranga rānei i mua i tō tūtakitanga ki tō hoa rangatira, i te whai i te harikoa ā-muri. Tērā pea he rerekē te āhua, engari mā te tuku wāhi ki a rāua anō ka kaha ake te whanaungatanga . He tokorua kōrua e whiriwhiri ana kia noho tahi, ehara i te mea he haurua o te kotahitanga. Ehara i te mea ka noho pūmau tō kōrua oranga ki te taumata whaiaro, engari ka noho hihiri, ka whakamere hoki te whanaungatanga. He mea hou tonu hei kōrero, he wheako hou hei whakapuaki ki a kōrua mō ngā mea i mahia e kōrua i te wā kotahi.

He kōrero pai ki ahau nā te tohunga rongoā a Esther Perel: "He uaua ki te aro atu ki tētahi kua whakarērea tōna mana motuhake." Pēnei. Ki te whakarērea e koe ngā mea katoa—ō hoa, ō hiahia, tō wā mokemoke—ā, ka huri noa i tō hoa rangatira, tera pea ka memeha te aro me te ngākau nui. He aha ai? Nā te mea kua mukua e koe te tangata i arohaina e ia i te tuatahi. Nō reira, kia mau tonu te wahine hihiko me tōna ake wairua ahakoa pēhea.

16. Whakaritea he wa mo to hoa

Ahakoa he mea nui te wāhi me te tū motuhake i roto i te whanaungatanga, me whakataurite anō hoki e koe ēnei ki te wā kounga mō tō whanaungatanga. Ka pukumahi te ao. Ko ngā mahi, ko ngā herenga whānau, ko te matakitaki Netflix, ka taea e ēnei katoa te tahae i te wā i nohoia e te aroha. Kaua e tukua kia tupu tēnā. Pērā i tāu whakarite hui mahi, kawhe rānei me te hoa, whakaritea he pō whakatā me te wā tahi me tō hoa. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohutohu whanaungatanga pai rawa atu mō ngā wāhine i roto i ngā whanaungatanga roa, i te marena rānei. Mā te wā takitahi auau ka mau tonu te hononga. Kāore e hiahiatia he tina whakapaipai i ngā wā katoa. Ka taea hoki e koe,

• Tunu ngatahi 
• Me hikoi 
• Whakawāteahia he haora hei kōrero, kaua e whakararuraru
• Whakakorikori tinana tahi 
• Tūhurahia ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā hiahia hou hei tokorua

Ko te mea nui ko te aro nui me te whai wāhi atu me te kore he mea hei whakararuraru. 

Pānui e pā ana: He aha ngā tumanakohanga koretake i roto i ngā whanaungatanga

17. Kaua e tumanako ka pānuihia e tō hoa tāne ō whakaaro 

Mena he tohutohu whakaipoipo mā ngā wāhine mai i ngā tāne e tautokohia ana e ngā tāne katoa, koinei tēnei: ​​"Ehara mātou i te hunga pānui hinengaro." Nō reira, kōrerohia, whakapuakina ō hiahia, ō wawata, me ō tumanakohanga. Mena kei te whakararuraru koe i tētahi mea, kei te hiahia rānei koe i tētahi mea mai i a ia, whakamahia ō kupu. Kaua e whakaaro ka rongo ia i ngā tohu koretake, mehemea rānei i aroha ia ki a koe, ka mōhio ia ki ō hiahia katoa. Ka waiho noa iho kōrua kia hinga.

Ko aua mahi tinihanga katoa pērā i te pōuri puku me te tumanako ka pātai mai ia he aha te hē, te kī "Kei te pai ahau" i a koe e kore e pai, te tuku tohu mārire, kāore e tau ki te nuinga o ngā tāne. He maha ngā wā e hiahia ana rātou kia kōrero tika atu koe ki a rātou. Ā, ko te tāne e aroha ana ki a koe, e kore e maioha noa ki tō pono, engari ka aro pai hoki ki tāu whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mārama.

18. Whakatairangahia te whanaungatanga piripono

Ko te whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā-hinengaro hoki te hononga e ārai ana i te whanaungatanga kia kaua e waiho hei hoa rangatira, hei hoa noho rānei. Ka taea e te ao te pukumahi, ā, ko te whanaungatanga te mea tuatahi ka warewarehia ina pukumahi, ina ahotea rānei tātou. Engari me waiho hei kaupapa matua. Ehara i te mea ko te taatai ​​anake te tikanga, engari ko te awhi, te kihi, te pupuri ringa, me te tirotiro hohonu i ngā kare ā-roto. Ko te mea nui ko te pupuri i taua hononga aroha. 

Kaua e whakapono ki te pūrākau e memeha haere ana te ngākau aroha i roto i te wā. Mēnā ka warewarehia, ka taea tonu te memeha, engari ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e āta whakatipu ana i te whanaungatanga piripono, he maha tonu ngā wā ka mau tonu te mura o te ahi ahakoa kua maha ngā tau e noho tahi ana. Ko te whakarite i te whanaungatanga piripono ko te whakarite i ngā pō whakaipoipo, i te whakarite rānei i ngā wā piripono mēnā e tika ana. Ko te tikanga hoki ko te aro ki ngā wā poto: he kihi hōhonu i mua i te haerenga ki te mahi, kaua ki te mirimiri tere, he awhi rānei i runga i te tūru, kaua ki te noho ki ngā pito rerekē e titiro ana ki ngā waea.

He hononga kei waenganui i te whanaungatanga kare ā-roto me te whanaungatanga ā-tinana. Kia mahara kei te kōrero tonu koe mō ngā mea maha atu i ngā mahi o ia rā. Tuhia ō kare ā-roto, ō moemoeā, ō mataku – mā te whanaungatanga ka mau tonu te hononga kare ā-roto, ā, ka whakakaha hoki i te hiahia ā-tinana. 

He ariā kei roto i te hinengaro whanaungatanga e mōhiotia ana ko " ngā tono mō te hononga ", e pā ana ki ngā ngana iti ki te hono atu e tupu ana i ia rā, pērā i te toro atu ki te awhi, te kī rānei, "Tirohia tēnei meme". Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whakautu ana ki ngā tono a tētahi ki tētahi, he kaha ake te whanaungatanga piripono i te hunga e kore e aro, e whakahē rānei i ngā tono.

He Pānui e Pā Ana: Te Hiranga o te Whakaute i roto i te Hononga

19. Whakaute tetahi ki tetahi

Ko te whakaute te tūāpapa o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Ka taea e te aroha me te kore whakaute te huri hei mea kino, hei mea taha kotahi rānei. Nō reira, he aha te āhua o te whakaute i ia rā, i ia rā? Ko te whakarongo ki ngā whakaaro o tētahi ki tētahi, ahakoa kāore kōrua e whakaae. Ko te kōrero atawhai, kaua e whakaiti, e whakaiti rānei i tō hoa. Ko te tautoko i te āhua motuhake o tētahi ki tētahi, te whakaute i ō rāua rohe, ō rāua uara, ō rāua hoa, me te whānau. Ko te tikanga, ko te manaaki i tō hoa he rite tonu, ā, he mea nui ki a koe ō rāua whakaaro me ō rāua kare ā-roto.

I ētahi wā, i roto i te kaha o te ngākau aroha, i roto rānei i ngā pakanga, ka memeha haere te whakaute. Tērā pea ka kōrero koe i tētahi mea e whara ana, e whakakorekore ana rānei i ō rātou kare ā-roto. He tangata katoa tātou, ehara i te mea tino tika, engari ki te mea ko te whakaute te uara ārahi, ka hopukina e koe, ka whakatikahia. Mā te whakapāha tere pēnei i te "Aroha mai, he hē tērā. E whakaute ana ahau ki a koe, ā, kāore au i te whakaaro ki te kōrero pēnā," ka āwhina nui ki te whakahoki mai i te whakaute i roto i te whanaungatanga.

I a koe e whakaatu ana i te whakaute ki tō hoa, kia tino rite anō hoki ki tēnā. Ki te whakaatu mai tētahi tāne i te whakaute nui ki a koe mā te karanga ingoa kino, te kore aro ki tāu "kāo", te whakaiti rānei i a koe, me kī atu. Ki te haere tonu, whakaarohia anō te whanaungatanga nā te mea ka kino haere te kore whakaute i te roanga o te wā, ā, i te taha o tēnā, ka heke hoki te kounga o tō hononga.

20. Tohaina ō hoa

He huarahi pai te whakauru i a kōrua ki roto i ō kōrua porowhita pāpori hei whakauru i ō kōrua oranga. Heoi anō, he mea hei whakatūpato: me mahi i runga i te whakamarie me te whakaae tahi. Kaua e wehea tō hoa rangatira i ōna hoa, kaua hoki e whakarērea ō hoa rangatira, engari me whakapau kaha ki te tūtaki me te whakahoahoa ki ngā hoa o tētahi ki tētahi. He mea hauora ina noho ō hoa hei hoa mō tātou ki tētahi taumata. Ehara i te mea me aroha koe ki ōna hoa katoa, engari ko te manaaki me te noho tahi me ngā hoa o tētahi ki tētahi e whakaatu ana kei te aro koe ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi.

He nui ngā āhuatanga ngahau o ngā rā takirua , ngā hui ā-rōpū rānei, e tūtaki ai ō koutou ao. Tērā pea ka noho te hoa tāne o tō hoa pai hei hoa takaro tinana mō tō hoa, ka noho rānei te wahine a tōna hoa tamariki hei hoa piripono mōu. Mā ēnei hononga roa ka whakapakari i tō hononga. Hei tāpiri, mā te kitenga i tō hoa i roto i tōna āhuatanga pāpori ka taea e koe te maioha anō ki a ia. Tērā pea ka kite koe i ngā āhuatanga i roto i a ia, pērā i te katakata, te manaaki rānei i a ia ki ngā hoa, ka nui ake ai tō aroha. Ā, ka kite rātou i a koe e tiaho ana i roto i tō tira, he mea ātaahua hoki tēnā. He rite ki te whiwhi i tētahi pikitia whānui ake o te āhua o tetahi ki tetahi.

21. Whakaaetia ia, ā, kia maioha ki a ia

Ko te whakaae me te maioha he āhuatanga o te aroha e mea ana: Kei te kite ahau i a koutou katoa, ā, e awhi ana ahau i a koutou i tō āhua tūturu. He mea tino nui tēnei. Nā, ehara i te mea ko te whakaae ki ngā whanonga kino pērā i te kore whakaute, te tukino rānei, engari ko te mōhio he hapa, he āhuatanga rerekē, he whanonga whakarihariha tō te katoa, me te whakatau ko ēhea ngā mea ka taea e koe te noho tahi. Whakaaetia kei te waiho e ia ngā tōkena ki runga i te papa i ētahi wā, kei te wareware rānei ia ki ngā wā whakatā, engari ka whakatikahia e ia i ētahi atu huarahi.

Ko tōna tikanga anō hoki ko te whakaae ki tōna aroha ki a koe, mena he pai te pūtake. Ehara pea ia i te kaitito kupu, engari e whakaatu ana ia i te aroha mā roto i ngā mahi, pērā i te whakarite kia whai penehīni tō waka. Kia mōhio, kia whakanuia tēnā, kaua e whakarite i a ia ki tētahi whakaaro pai. He mea nui anō hoki te whakapuaki i te maioha me te whakawhetai i ngā wā katoa. 

I roto i te tere o te ao, he ngāwari noa iho te tīmata ki te whakaaro noa ki tō hoa rangatira, inā koa ngā mea iti e mahia tonutia ana e ia. Tērā pea ka kawea mai e ia he kawhe māu i ia ata, ka taraiwa tonu rānei ia i a koe e haere ana ki waho, ka whakarongo rānei ia ki a koe e kōrero ana mō te mahi. Kaua e tukua kia kore e maiohatia aua mahi. Whakamihi ki ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e ia māu, nui, iti hoki, me te whakaatu i taua maioha. Ehara i te mea ka meinga ia kia whakaaro he mea nui, engari ka whakakaha anō hoki i ngā whanonga pai, ā, ka akiaki i a ia kia nui ake. 

FAQs

Thoughts Final

He nui ngā kōrero mō ngā wāhine e pā ana ki ēnei tohutohu whanaungatanga, ā, kāore koe e hiahia kia mōhio katoa i roto i te pō kotahi. Engari, i a koe e pānui ana, ko te tumanako i pā mai ētahi tohutohu ki tōu tūranga i roto i tō oranga aroha. Tērā pea i kite koe me whakapuaki ake koe i ō hiahia, i whakaaro rānei koe kua wareware koe ki te tiaki i a koe anō, ki te whakawhetai rānei. Ko ngā whanaungatanga ō tātou kaiako nui rawa atu, ā, ko te aroha he haerenga e whanake tonu ana. Awhitia te tukanga ako.

Kia maumahara, ahakoa ngā tohunga me ngā tāne marena harikoa e whakaae ana kei te mahi tonu rātou i ēnei mea. Tērā pea ka whaia e koe, ka tīmata rānei koe i tētahi pakanga, ka wareware rānei koe ki te whakarongo pai, ā, he pai tēnā. Ko te mea nui ko te mōhio ki tēnā me te ngana anō. Ka hangaia te aroha i ngā wā o ia rā, mā te tohu whakaaro nui, te taringa whakarongo, te kata tahi, me te awhi tautoko i muri i tētahi tautohe. Nō reira, haere tonu, me te aroha maia me te whakaaro nui. Ā, ki te ruarua koe, tirohia anō ēnei tohu.

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Tohutohu mō te Whakawhanaungatanga mō ngā Tāne me ngā Wahine – 25 Ngā Huarahi hei Whakapakari i tō Hononga

Te Tīmata i tētahi Hononga Hou? Anei ngā Mea e 21 hei Mahi, hei Kaua hoki e Mahi

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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