He aha ahau e kore ai e whakaipoipo anō ki tētahi tāne pouaru - He Kōrero mō tētahi Wahine

O ngā whai wāhitanga tuarua katoa ki te aroha, ko te whakaputa i a koe anō ki waho me te tīmata te whakaipoipo i muri i te matenga o te hoa rangatira pea te mea tino uaua. Ko te pouri, te hara, te mamae ka uaua ki te tini o te tangata te awhi pono i te tumanako ki te huri i te rau hou me te neke atu. Ka taea e te wheako te huri hei hurihuri kare ā-roto ehara i te mea mo te tangata e whakaipoipo ana i muri i te matenga o te hoa rangatira engari mo ōna tumanako/hoa aroha hoki. Nō reira, ko taua taumahatanga katoa ka taea te akiaki i te tangata ki te oati ki te whakaipoipo i tetahi kua mate tana hoa rangatira. He wahine kua pā ki tēnei wheako, ā, kua oati, "Kāore au e whakaipoipo anō i tetahi pouaru," e kōrero ana i tana kōrero ki a Bonobology, e whakamārama ana i te take i arahi ai ia ki tēnei whakatau. 

Kia titiro tātou ki tana kōrero, kātahi ka tūhuratia ētahi o ngā tohu ārai me ngā wero e pā ana ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru, me te tirotiro anō hoki mēnā ka taea te whakatere i aua tohu hei hanga hononga angitu, me ngā tirohanga mai i ētahi tohunga whanaungatanga me te hauora hinengaro rongonui. 

Kāore rawa ahau e whakaipoipo anō ki tētahi tāne pouaru—He wahine e whakapuaki ana i tana kōrero

I taku tūtakitanga ki a James, i mahara ahau kua kitea e au tētahi tangata atawhai, pakeke, me te mātau ki ngā kare ā-roto. E 47 ōna tau, he matua o ngā tamariki pakeke e rua, ā, kua mate tana wahine, a Laura, i te mate pukupuku e whā tau ki muri. I taurite māua i runga i tētahi taupānga whakaipoipo, ā, mai i te kōrero tuatahi, he atawhai, he mārama tana kōrero, ā, he mea whakamiharo te tuwhera. I kōrero mai ia ki ahau mō Laura, ā, i whakaute ahau ki tēnā. I mea ia kua pouri ia, kua haere ki te rongoā hinengaro, ā, kei te noho inaianei ia i tētahi wāhi e rite ana ia ki te tuku i tētahi atu whai wāhitanga ki te aroha.

E 42 ōku tau, kua whakarerea, ā, e rima tau kua pahure ake nei e ora ana i tētahi marena i whakapōrearea i ahau. Me te mea nei kei te kotahi te whakaaro o māua mō te whakaora me te neke whakamua. I hiahia ahau ki tētahi hoa, ki tētahi he rite ngā uara me te hohonu o ngā kare ā-roto. Ko James te āhua nei he tangata kua mōhio ki te aroha hohonu me te mate—he tangata e kore e whakahawea ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

He tino ataahua ā māua marama tuatahi. He aroha, he aro nui, ā, i meinga ahau kia kitehia, kia rangona. He maha ā māua kōrero mō te ao, te aroha, me ngā whai wāhitanga tuarua, ā, te āhua nei he tino ōrite ā māua tirohanga mō te heke mai me ngā tirohanga ki ngā wā o mua. Ko te mea kua harikoa ia i mua i tana marena, kāore i whakararuraru i ahau—nāna i whakamanawa mai ki ahau he kaha ia ki te whakapau kaha mō te wā roa. Kāore au i te kuware. I mōhio ahau he uaua te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru, engari i meinga ahau e ia kia whakapono kua rite ia mō tētahi mea tūturu.

Ko ahau he.

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I ngā wāhi katoa a Laura

Āta haere ana, ka tīmata ahau ki te kite ko te noho tahi me ia te tikanga o te noho i raro i te atarangi o tana wahine kua mate. Kāore i te tino kitea ngā tohu tuatahi. Ko tōna whare kei te rite tonu ki tōna āhua i te wā e ora ana a Laura. Kei ngā wāhi katoa ngā whakaahua o ia—ehara i te mea ko ngā whakaahua whānau anake, e mārama ana ahau, engari ko ngā whakaahua kua whakairohia i roto i te rūma moe, i te rūma ako, tae noa ki te kīhini. Kei te iri tonu ōna koti i te ara raro. Ko ana pounamu hinu kakara i runga i te kāpata, kāore i pāngia.

I tētahi ahiahi, i a māua e tunu kai tahi ana i tōna kāinga, ka hinga pōhēhētia e au tētahi kapu, ā, ka tūpato a James. Ka mā tōna mata. "Koinei te kapu tino pai a Laura," tana kī, me te titiro tonu ki ngā wahi pakaru. I whakapāha tonu ahau, me te pouri, engari ko te āhua o tana tangihanga mō taua kapu pakaru—me te mea kua pakaruhia e au tētahi mea tapu. Kāore ia i tino kōrero mai ki ahau mō te toenga o te ahiahi.

I roto i te wā, ka kite ahau i ētahi atu mea. Kei te takoto tonu tana motuka i te ara waka, kāore i pāngia. I utua tonutia e ia tana mahere waea nā te mea "i te āhua he hē te whakakore." Kī tonu ana pāpāho pāpori i ngā mihi ki a ia—i tōna rā whānau, i tō rāua huritau marena, i te huritau o tōna matenga. I kī atu ahau ki a au anō he mea noa tēnei, kāore te pouri i te mea he mea rārangi. 

Engari i reira anō tōna whānau.

Kāore tōna whānau i kite i ahau he mea nui atu i "Te wahine i muri i a Laura"

He ātaahua, he tawhiti hoki āna tamariki kua pakeke, 24 me te 21 tau te pakeke. Kāore au i whakaaro ka awhi mai rātou i ahau me ngā ringa tuwhera, engari i tumanako ahau kia puta he mahana. Engari, i te āhua tūpato rātou, me te mea he tangata takahi ahau i te ao o tō rātou pāpā. Ko tōna whaea, he wahine huatau kei roto i ōna tau whitu tekau, he kino rawa atu.

I tētahi tina whānau, i whakapau kaha ia ki te whakaaraara tonu i a Laura. 

"E Hēmi, kei te mahara koe ki te tunu a Laura i tēnei rihi? Kāore he tangata i taea te tunu pērā i tana i mahi ai."

"Āe, i kī tonu a Laura me whakarite te tēpu kai ki tētahi ara motuhake."

I tētahi wā, ka tahuri mai ia ki ahau me te titiro aroha. "Mehemea he uaua te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne he tino pai tana wahine."

Kāore a Hēmi i tiaki i ahau. Ātaata pouri noa iho ia, me te mea nei e whakaae ana ia ki tāna.

I tika kia haere ahau i taua wā, engari kāore au i haere.

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I whakataetae tonu ahau me te wairua

Ko te wā tino mamae i tae mai i te ono marama o tō māua whanaungatanga i a māua e whakarite ana i tētahi hararei mutunga wiki. I whakaaro ahau kia haere ki tētahi whare iti, ki tētahi mea aroha. I whakaroa a Hēmi.

"I haere māua ko Laura ki tētahi kāpata i ia tau," tana kī. "Kāore au i te tino mōhio mehemea ka taea e au te mahi i tēnā me tētahi atu."

Koinā te wā i tino mārama ai ahau—kei te aroha tonu ia ki tana wahine kua mate. He tūāpapa noa iho ahau. He tinana mahana i roto i tōna ao. I pai ia ki ahau, i manaaki pea i ahau, engari kei a Laura tonu tōna ngākau.

Na ka tae mai te whiu whakamutunga.

I tētahi ahiahi, i karangatia e mātou ētahi o ōna hoa ki te tina. I mea tētahi o rātou, "I miharo mātou i te kōrero a James mōu. Kāore tetahi o mātou i whakaaro ka aroha ia ki tētahi atu pērā i tana aroha ki a Laura. Engari e koa ana mātou kua kitea koe e ia." 

Ka whakahoki a Jame, "He pono tēnā. He mea motuhake tā māua ko Laura. Ko ia taku ipo i te kāreti, taku hoa mō te tata ki te 20 tau. Kāore he mea hei whakakapi i tēnā engari me haere tonu te ora, tika?" Ka pēhia e ia tōku ringa i a ia e kōrero ana i tēnei, ā, ka pōuri ahau.

Te waahi pakaru

I whakahē ahau i a ia mō taua mea, ā, i pātai atu ahau mēnā kei te aroha ia ki ahau. Kāore i taea e ia te kī mai kei te aroha ia ki ahau. Ko tāna anake i taea te kōrero, "Kei te aro ahau ki a koe, engari..." Ka whakapūha ia, me te mirimiri i tōna makawe ki tōna ringa. "He hoa wairua tō māua ko Laura . Kāore he tangata e tata atu ki a ia."

Koinā te mutunga. Koinei te wā i mōhio ai ahau kua mutu taku mahi. Kāore e taea e au te noho tonu i raro i te atarangi o taku wahine kua mate.

I tākai ahau i aku mea, ā, ka haere.

Kāore au e whakaipoipo anō i tētahi pouaru

Kāore au e whakaipoipo anō i tētahi tāne pouaru. Ehara i te mea he hunga kino rātou, engari nā te mea kāore au e pai ki te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e noho tuarua tonu ai ahau i tētahi kua mate. E tika ana kia arohaina ahau mō te tangata ko au nei, kaua mō te wāhi ka taea e au te whakakī i te pouri o tētahi mō tētahi wā poto. Kāore rawa.

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Ngā Wero o te Whakaipoipo i tētahi Tāne Pouaru

Kāore te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru i rite ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi kua whakarerea, kua takakau rānei mō ngā tau. He taumahatanga kare ā-roto motuhake tō te tangata kua mate tana hoa rangatira i arohaina e ia, ā, i tumanako ia kia hoki ki te tōnga o te ao. Heoi anō, ki te tīmata te whakaipoipo i muri i te matenga o tana hoa rangatira i mua i tōna tino rite ki te aroha anō. Ka kawea mai e rātou te pikaunga o te pouri me te hara ki roto i te whanaungatanga, ka meinga koe kia rite ki te whakataetae ki tētahi kua ngaro atu i konei. Ka puta mai i tēnei ngā wero e whai ake nei mō te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru:

1. Tērā pea ka rite koe ki te whakataetae ki tētahi wairua

Ahakoa kua maha ngā tau kua ngaro atu tana wahine kua mate, ka taea tonu e ia te whai wāhi nui ki roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Tērā pea nā tana kōrero tonu mōna, nā ngā whakataurite ngawari rānei e mea ana koe kei te noho koe i te atarangi o tana wahine kua mate, nā te mea kei te horapa tonu ana whakaahua puta noa i te whare.

Me kī atu ka haere koe ki te tina i tētahi wā, ā, ka tono ia i tētahi mea, kātahi ka whai ake ko te kī, "Āe, koinei te tino pai a taku wahine." Ka waiho noa e koe. Kātahi, ko te inu tuatahi o te waina ka whakamahara i a ia ki tētahi atu mea mōna. Kātahi ka puta he kōrero mō tētahi hararei. Pērā tonu, kua huri te wā hei whakanui i tana wahine kua mate, ā, he kaiwhakarongo noa koe, e whakaaro ana, "He aha ahau i konei ai?"

2. Ka taea e tōna pouri te taupoki i tō kōrua whanaungatanga

Kāore te pouri i te āhua rārangi, kāore he rā mutunga. Ahakoa ka mea ia kua "rite" ia, ehara i te mea kua tino ora ia. Tērā pea he rā ka noho puku ia, ka pōuri, ka kore rānei e wātea ki te taha o te tangata — inā koa i ngā rā nui pēnei i ngā huritau, i ngā rā whānau rānei. Ahakoa e mārama ana koe ki tana e pā ana, ka taea tonu te mamae o te ngākau te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga me tētahi e tirotiro ana i a koe i ētahi wā.

Tērā pea te āhua nei kua kore he pānga o tō kōrua oranga hei tokorua ina tae mai ētahi rā tairongo, ina ara ake rānei ia i roto i te pouri nui nā te mea he moemoeā tāna mō tana wahine. Ka waiho koe me te mea he tangata ke koe i roto i tana tukanga tangihanga. E whakamārama ana te tohunga hinengaro me te kaiako whanaungatanga a Rachel Green he aha tēnei tetahi o ngā tohu ārai mō te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru, "He mea noa kia puta anō te pouri, engari ki te whakararuraru tonu i te whanaungatanga, he tohu tērā kāore pea ia i te wātea ki te taha hinengaro." 

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3. Kāore pea tōna whānau e whakaae ki a koe

He uaua te whiwhi i te whakaae a te whānau o tō hoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Engari ka rerekē rawa atu ina kite rātou i a koe hei wahine "whakakapi" i tō rātou whaea/tuahine/tamahine/hunaonga wahine e arohaina ana. "He maha ngā whānau e whakaaro ana ki te hoa rangatira kua mate, ā, he uaua ki te hoa hou te kite i a ia anō ehara i te tangata tauhou," te kī a te tohunga whanaungatanga a Tākuta Susan Winter. 

Tērā pea he ngawari, he tika rānei tō rātou mauahara ki a koe. Hei tauira, tērā pea ka kore ngā tamariki e pai ki te karanga i a koe mā ō ingoa. Engari, ka karanga rātou i a koe ko "te hoa o Pāpā." He ngawari, engari he mārama. Tērā pea ka ātaahua te āhua o ētahi mema o te whānau engari kāore e ngana ki te kōrero ki a koe, ki te mōhio rānei ki a koe. Ko tētahi atu huarahi ngawari ki te whakapuaki "ehara koe i te mema o tēnei whānau." Pērā rānei i ngā wheako o tā mātou kaipānui, tērā pea ka whakarite tika rātou, kia mōhio ai koe kāore e taea e koe te pupuri i te rama ki te tangata whakamiharo kua ngaro i a rātou. Mā tēnei mauahara katoa ka oati koe, "Kāore au e piripono anō ki tētahi tāne pouaru."

4. Tērā pea ka rite koe ki tētahi kaipupuri kare ā-roto

Ka tīmata ētahi tāne pouaru ki te whakaipoipo, ehara i te mea kua rite rātou ki te tīmata i tētahi ao hou, engari nā te mea kei te mokemoke rātou. Ka ngaro i a rātou te hoa rangatira, te aroha, me te tangata hei kōrero atu—engari i roto i tō rātou ngākau, tera pea kei roto tonu rātou i tētahi hononga ki tā rātou hoa rangatira kua mate. Ka taea e tēnei te whakaoho i ngā feaa me ngā āwangawanga i roto i tō hinengaro, ā, ka pātai anō hoki koe mō tō uara hei hoa rangatira. 

I te whakamārama i te take he wero tēnei, e kī ana te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tākuta Megan Fleming, "Ka uaua ki te hanga hononga pono te tāne pouaru e whakaipoipo ana hei whakakī i te āputa. Ki te mea kei te pupuri tonu ia i tōna ngākau kia kaua e piri, ahakoa tō ataahua, ka rite tonu koe ki tētahi whakakapinga." 

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5. Ka taea e ngā rā motuhake te waiho hei mara maina kare ā-roto

Kua roa koe e whakaipoipo ana i tētahi tāne pouaru , ā, kua tata mai te Rā o Valentine. Kei te harikoa koe ki te whakapau i te rā ki a ia, ki te whakanui i tō kōrua hononga, i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Engari kei te pukumahi rawa tō hoa ki te whakamahara ki te wahine tuatahi i hoatu putiputi e ia - ko tana wahine kua mate. Engari ko te whakaaro he mea arohaina, he mea ngaro koe, kāore koe e kitea.

Tērā pea ka kitea ia e raru ana i ngā kare ā-roto rite i ngā hararei pēnei i te Thanksgiving, te Kirihimete rānei. He pono, ko te rā whānau o tana wahine, ko tō rāua huritau, ko tōna huritau matenga he mea uaua ki a ia, engari ki te kite koe kei roto ia i te ngaru pouri ahakoa i tōna rā whānau, i tō kōrua huritau rānei, i tō kōrua huritau tuatahi rānei, he tohu kino ēnei mō te noho tahi me te tāne pouaru e tohu ana kāore anō ia kia tata ki te neke atu. 

6. Tērā pea ka raru ia i te hara mō te aroha ki a koe

E mea ana a Tākuta Karen Finn, he kaiako whakarere me te whanaungatanga, "Ko ngā pouaru kāore anō kia houhia te rongo ki ō rātou hītori ka whakararu i ō rātou whanaungatanga ā muri ake nei, mā te pupuri i te wairua, mā te pana atu rānei i tā rātou hoa ina tino kino rawa ngā mea." Ahakoa he tino aroha ia ki a koe, tērā pea kāore e taea e ia te hanga whanaungatanga whai tikanga nā te mea kei te raru ia i te hara mō te " neke atu " me te whakaaro rānei me te mea ko te aroha ki a koe he tikanga tuku i tana hoa rangatira kua mate.

Nō reira, tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro kua tau te hononga i te wā e whakaipoipo ana, ā, kāore kōrua e anga whakamua ana ki tētahi taumata nui. Ahakoa he neke tahi, he tūtaki ki tōna whānau whānui, he kōrero rānei mō te marena ā muri ake nei, tērā pea ka pana noa ia, ka mea, "Kāore au i te mōhio mēnā kua rite ahau" me "me nui ake te wā". Ehara i te mea kāore ōna kare ā-roto ki a koe i te pono, kāore rānei ia e aro ki a koe, engari ka tino rite te ahua me te mea kei te akiaki koe i tētahi hononga ki tētahi tangata e herea ana ki tētahi atu.

Nō reira, me whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tāne pouaru?

Mā ēnei wero katoa me ngā raruraru kare ā-roto ka puta te whakaaro kāore e tika ana te whakapau kaha ki te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru. Heoi, i roto i te ao o ngā whanaungatanga aroha, kāore ngā mea i te tino pango me te mā. Kāore he whakautu tino tika. He rite tonu te āhua mō te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru. 

Ko te mea me tūhura koe, kāore rānei, i tētahi hononga aroha ki tētahi tāne kua mate tana hoa rangatira, kei runga i tana mahi whakaora i ngā kare ā-roto, me te mea kua rite ia ki te whakatuwhera i tōna ngākau me tōna ao ki tētahi hoa hou (ā, kāore hoki e rapu ana i tētahi atu hoa). Mena ka taea e ia te waihanga wāhi mō tētahi aroha hou me te kore e noho ki ngā rā o mua, kāore he take e kore ai e taea te noho tahi me tētahi tāne pouaru hei tīmatanga o tētahi hononga ataahua. 

I tētahi atu taha, ki te mea kei te whakaaro tonu koe kei te tuarua koe, kei te whakataetae ki ngā maharatanga, kei te mau rānei koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e ahu whakamua ana, he pai te wehe atu. Me arohaina tō ngākau ki te katoa—kaua e manawanui noa i te ngaro o tētahi atu.

Te Ara Whakamua—Me Pēhea te Whakaipoipo i tētahi Tāne Pouaru

Nō reira, kua hinga koe ki tētahi tāne pouaru. Kei te kite koe i ngā tohu kino, e mōhio ana koe ki ngā wero, engari kāore anō koe kia rite ki te whakamutu, me te whakatau "Kāore au e piripono anō ki tētahi tāne pouaru". Kāore anō kia tae ki tēnei wā. Ahakoa ngā wero, tera pea kei te kite koe i te pūmanawa tūturu i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga. He atawhai, he whakaaro nui, he pono hoki te tāne kei a koe. Kei te hiahia tētahi wāhanga o koe ki te whakapau kaha kia kore ai he pouri mō ngā mea i taea. 

He tika ō whakaaro. Engari koinei te mea me maumahara koe: Ka taea te whai hua te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru; me whai manawanui, me kaha te kare ā-roto, me ngā rohe mārama . Ki te nui tō aroha ki a ia, ka ngana koe, mā ēnei tohutohu mō te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru koe e āwhina ki te kimi huarahi hei anga whakamua i roto i te huarahi e tiaki ana i tō ngākau.

1. Kōrero pono mō tōna tūnga

I mua i tō whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga, me mōhio koe mēnā kua rite ia ki te taha hinengaro mō te whanaungatanga . E whakaaro ana ētahi tāne kua rite rātou mō te aroha, kātahi ka mōhio kei te mau tonu rātou i roto i ngā mahara o mua. Tērā pea kāore ētahi e mōhio ki te nui o te mamae e hanga ana i ā rātou whiringa.

"Ko te tāne pouaru e tino rite ana ki te anga whakamua ka whakaae ki tōna hītori, me te kore e tukua kia whakahaere i tōna heke mai. Ki te karohia e ia te kaupapa, ki te whakaiti rānei i ō āwangawanga, he tohu kino tēnā," te kī a Tākuta Fleming. Koia te take me mārama koe ki tōna āhua kare ā-roto i mua i te tīmatanga o te whakaaro me pēhea te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru. 

Me pehea te mahi

Noho ki raro, ka pātai tika atu ki a ia:

• "Kei te wātea koe i roto i te ngākau mō tētahi whanaungatanga hou?"
• "Kei te pēhea koe e kite ai i tō heke mai—me ahau?"
• "He tangata ahau e arohaina ana e koe mō taku āhua, kāore rānei, he mea ngāwari ake māku te noho mokemoke?"

Ki te whakaroa ia, ka ārai i a ia anō, kāore rānei e taea e ia te hoatu i tētahi whakautu mārama ki a koe, he tohu tēnā kāore anō ia kia rite—ā, e tika ana kia whiwhi koe i tētahi e rite ana.

Pānui e pā ana: Te pānga o te pouri me te ngaromanga o te tangata e arohaina ana ki ngā whanaungatanga

2. Whakatakotoria he rohe mō tōna pouri

Ae, he wāhanga nui tana wahine kua mate o tōna ao. Kāo, ehara i te mea me aro noa tō kōrua whanaungatanga ki ōna mahara. Ki te mea he rite tōna kāinga ki tētahi wāhi tapu, ki te huri ia kōrero ki te "I a ia e ora ana..." ki te kore rānei ia e kōrero i ngā rā motuhake, me whakatakoto e koe he rohe mārama.

"Kāore te pouri e ngaro katoa, engari me ako te pouaru ki te whakataurite i te maumahara me ngā tīmatanga hou. Ki te taupokina tōna pouri e tōna whanaungatanga o nāianei, kāore e tika ki tana hoa hou," te kī a Tākuta John Amodeo, he kaiwhakaora whanaungatanga.

Me pehea te mahi

• Me kī atu ki a ia kāore he aha te kōrero mō tana wahine kua mate, engari kaua e rite ki tētahi manuhiri o mua.
• Ki te mea kei te rite tonu tōna kāinga ki tētahi whare taonga, āta whakatenatena i ngā huringa iti—tērā pea me neke ētahi whakaahua ki tētahi pukaemi kaua ki ngā pakitara
• Ki te huri ngā huritau, ngā rā whānau rānei hei rā whakatā, kōrerohia me pēhea e taea ai e ia te mihi ki aua rā me te kore e ārai i a koe. Hei tauira, kaua e tukua ia kia pōuri i te rā whānau o tana wahine kua mate, whakaarohia he huarahi mārie hei whakanui i a ia—pēnei i te tahu rama, te hikoi rānei.

Heoi, ki te mea ka tonu ia te ārai i a koe, pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā ka taea e koe te whakahaere i tēnā mō te wā roa.

3. Kia tino kite ia i a koe hei hoa mahi—kaua hei whakakapi

Ko tētahi o ngā mōrearea nui o te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru ko te noho hei tangata e whakakī ana i te āputa o tōna ao, kaua hei tangata e tino arohaina ana e ia. He uaua pea tēnā ki te whakatau. Me mōhio koe e whakanuia ana koe e ia—ehara i te mea ko tō aroaro anake.

Me pehea te mahi

Kia tūpato ki tana whakahaere i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

• Kei te whakatakoto mahere ia māua mō āpōpō, kāore rānei he rangitahi noa iho ngā mea katoa?
• E whakaatu ana ia i a koe ki ngā hoa me te whānau hei hoa rangatira māna, he "tangata noa iho rānei e tūtaki ana ia"?
• E whakaatu ana ia i tōna aroha ki a koe, me te kore he hara, e whakaroa ana rānei ia me te mea kei te tinihanga ia i tōna hītori?

Ki te mea kei te noho tonu ia hei "tāne kua mārenatia", e mea ana i a koe kia rite ki tana hoa piripono , he tohu whakatūpato tēnā kāore anō ia kia tata ki te rite mō te whanaungatanga tūturu. Mēnā koinā, tera pea kei te moumou tō wā me tō kaha hinengaro i te ngana ki te rapu huarahi hei whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru.

Pānui e pā ana: Te Whakakore i ngā Āhua o te Hinengaro me te Whakaputa i ngā Putanga: Ngā Rerekētanga, Ngā Tohu, me Ngā Tauira

4. Whai mahere mō te mahi tahi me tōna whānau

Tērā pea ka uaua ki āna tamariki, āna hungawai, me āna hoa tata te whakaae ki a koe—ehara i te mea nā te mea ko wai koe, engari nā te mea e kite ana rātou i a ia e neke atu ana hei tangata tinihanga. Kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i a rātou kia pai ki a koe, engari ka taea e koe te whakatakoto i ngā tumanakohanga mō tētahi whanaungatanga pai ki a rātou.

E kī ana a Green, "Ina tīmata te whakaipoipo a te tāne pouaru, he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro tōna whānau kua ngaro te hononga whakamutunga ki tōna hoa rangatira kua mate. Ko te mea nui ko te hoatu wā ki a rātou, me te whakarite hoki kia tutukihia ō ake hiahia."

Me pehea te mahi

• Kia manawanui, engari kaua e tukua kia takahia koe e rātou
• Ki te whakarite tonu rātou i a koe ki tana wahine kua mate, kōrero ki tō hoa—me whakauru atu ia ki te whakatakoto rohe ki a rātou
• Ki te kore āna tamariki e whakaae ki a koe, tukua tō hoa kia whakahaere i te raruraru—ehara i te mea māu te kukume i a rātou.

5. Kia mohio ki te wa e haere atu ai

Kāore e ranea te aroha mēnā kei te whakaaro tonu koe he tangata kē koe i roto i tō whanaungatanga, ā, ahakoa ngā tohutohu mō te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru, kāore e taea te whakarerekē i tēnā. Ahakoa ō mahi, ahakoa kāore ia i te wātea ki ngā kare ā-roto, kei te taupokina e tōna pouri ngā mea katoa, kāore rānei e taea e ia te whakarato i tētahi whanaungatanga tino pai ki a koe, he pai ki te wehe atu.

Me pehea te mahi

• Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he kaitiaki koe mō tōna pouri, kaua hei hoa rangatira, kua tae ki te wā ki te arotake anō.
• Ki te mea kei te kī tonu ia i tana wahine kua mate ko "te aroha o tōna ao" ā, e raru ana hoki ia i te whakama mō te neke atu, ehara tēnā i te whanaungatanga e tika ana kia whakatikahia e koe.
• Ki te mea kei te tatari tonu koe kia rite ia, me te wareware ki ōu ake hiahia, pātai atu ki a koe anō: Kei te harikoa ahau i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga??

Thoughts Final

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakaipoipo i tētahi tāne pouaru, engari ka taea te mahi mēnā kua tino ora ia, e hiahia ana ki te whakarite wāhi mōu, ā, e whakaute ana i ō hiahia kare ā-roto. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he mea nui koe, e arohaina ana, ā, kei te hanga koe i tētahi mea tūturu, he whanaungatanga tēnā e tika ana kia whawhaitia. Engari ki te mea kei te noho tonu koe ki te taha, kāore e taea te whakarērea te whakaaro kei te aroha tonu ia ki tana wahine kua mate, kei te tatari rānei kia rite ia—kia mahara ki tēnei: ​​Ehara koe i te mahere tārua. He tika koe kia noho hei whiringa tuatahi mā tētahi. 

Te Marena Anō i Muri i te Matenga o te Hoa Rangatira: He Haerenga Whakamarie a te Wahine

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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