14 Ngā Tohu Kua Mutu te Marena mō ngā Tāne

He aha ngā tohu kua mutu tō marena mōna? He mana tō ngā whakaaturanga tuku iho o tana wehenga atu? He nui rānei ngā āhuatanga ngaro o ana whanonga kāore koe e kite ana, ā, ka nui haere te raruraru mō tō kōrua whanaungatanga?

Kua mutu katoa i a kōrua ngā tikanga ātaahua o te ata i whakaarotia he tapu ki a kōrua? Tērā pea kāore ia e kōrero ana ki a koe i te huarahi kotahi, kei te tata rawa atu rānei ia ki taua hoa hou i kitea e ia i te mahi. He mea noa te manukanuka mō te hauora o tō kōrua marena, engari ki te huri te ruarua poto hei whakapae roa, tera pea kei te rapu koe i ētahi tohu tino mārama.

Nā te mea kua kite koe i a koe anō e pānui ana i tēnei tuhinga, me te whakaaro tonu mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi marena hauora, kua takahia e koe tētahi hikoinga ki te huarahi tika. Me te āwhina a te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tākuta Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Ā-roto, me titiro tātou ki ngā tohu kāore ia i te harikoa i roto i te marena.

Me pēhea te mōhio kua mutu te whanaungatanga a te tāne?

Ahakoa kāore pea tō tāne e whakapuaki mai i tōna reo ki a koe i ia rā, kei reira tonu ngā momo riri iti, ngā tohu whanonga rānei i roto i tana whanonga ki a koe, hei āwhina i a koe ki te kite mēnā kua tīmata ia ki te ngenge i tēnei whanaungatanga. Tērā pea i mua ake nei ka tukuna atu e ia he karere kuputuhi ki a koe, ahakoa te hāora o te rā, te aha rānei āna mahi - ā, ināianei kāore ia e whakautu mai i ō karere i te rā katoa. Ko ngā mea i mua he whakanui huritau me ngā rā whānau i tō whare, kua rite ki ngā ahiahi pōuri me te pounamu waina kua tuwhera kē. Koinei te āhua o te tangata ina tīmata ia ki te whakaaro kua mutu tana whanaungatanga:

• Kāore ia e tīmata i te noho tahi: Ko te wā anake e whakapaua ana e kōrua wā kounga ko te wā e tono tahi ana koe. Mō tāu tāne, kāore he aha i ēnei rā ahakoa ka haere kōrua ki te kiriata, ki te kai tina rānei, ka takoto noa rānei i te moenga e panuku ana i ā kōrua waea i te mutunga o te rā
• Kei te riri tonu tō tāne ki a koe: Te āhua nei kei te pōuri ia mō ngā mea iti noa iho. I tētahi rā, kāore i kitea e ia ōna tōkena, ā, ka riri ia ki a koe mō te ngaronga o ana tōkena i te horoi kakahu. I tētahi atu rā rānei, ka tangi tō pūoro whakaoho mō tētahi wā roa atu, ā, ka tīmata ia te whawhai ki a koe mō taua mea.
• Kāore rawa he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero: Ko te āhua o tā kōrua kōrero mō ngā mema katoa o tō whānau i muri i te haerenga ki ngā marena, te tito ariā rānei mō te ao whānui i muri i te nui rawa o te marena — kua ngaro kē taua whanaungatanga. Haunga te kōrero mō ngā utu kura a ā kōrua tamariki, mō te kai rānei mō te tina, te āhua nei kāore kōrua e kōrero ana i tēnei wā, ā, kāore rawa kōrua e whakaae tahi mō tetahi mea.

Ngā Tohu Kua Mutu Tō Mārenatanga Mōna

He urupare noa iho te tere o te whakaaro pēnei i te "Kua mutu taku marena, kāore au i te mōhio me aha ahau" mēnā he pono ēnei āhuatanga mōu. Engari i mua i te whakaaro whānui, me titiro tātou ki ētahi atu tohu kua mutu tō marena mōna.

Tuatahi, me whakakore atu ngā whakaaro whakahāwea kua whakatūria e koe i roto i tōu mahunga. "He pēnei te tāne, he pērā te wahine", kāore tēnei momo whakaaro e āwhina i a koe. Kua kite ahau i ngā wāhine e aro nui ana ki te mahi, e pukuriri ana, e tukino ana i te tinana. Kua kite ahau i ngā tāne e tino marino ana, e whakama ana, e ngākau māhaki ana. "I mua i tō ngana ki te hopu i ngā tohu kua mutu kē ia i te marena, kia tino mohio kei te uru atu koe me ngā whakaaro kua whakaarohia mō te āhua o te marena," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle.

Ka rerekē ngā tohu e tata ana te mutunga o tō marena i ia marena, i ia marena. Ko tā tō hoa, a Jenna, i kōrero mō te āhua o tō tāne he nui ake te āhua, kāore pea e āwangawanga. Ko te mea "he" ki a ia he mea noa pea ki a koe, ā, ko te mea noa ki a koe he take pea mōna ki te whakarere. 

Ahakoa rā, ina he raruraru tetahi mea, tera pea ka rongo koe i roto i ō wheua. Ki te kore e memeha te whakapae tonu kei te hē tetahi mea, me whakautu e ēnei tohu te pātai kotahi e kore ai koe e ara ake i te pō: "Kua mutu kē taku marena?"

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1. Kia mataara ki ngā tohu o te tinihanga kare ā-roto 

Ina rapu koe i ngā tohu kei te ngaro haere tō marena, kāore he tohu nui atu i te tinihanga kare ā-roto . E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Bhonsle me pēhea te āhua o tēnei i roto i tō whanaungatanga. "Tērā pea ka tino piripono ia ki tētahi hoa e kore e whakaaetia e ia ki te whakauru atu ki tana hoa. Tērā pea ka puta whakarere mai tēnei hoa hou kua nui ake tōna hiranga i te hoa."

"I te wā e tinihanga ana ngā kare ā-roto, ka kite koe i tō hoa rangatira e mahi ana i ngā mea mā tēnei tangata, pērā i tana mahi māu i mua. He maha ngā wā ka huna ia i raro i te kupu whakatūpato "Kāore au i moe tāne ki tēnei tangata, kāore au e mahi he ana".

"He maha rawa ngā āhuatanga kua kite ahau i ēnei, arā, ngā tāne 60 tau te pakeke kua aroha ki tētahi atu rangatahi, ā, kua tae ki te hoko whare, waka, me te āwhina i ngā huarahi katoa e taea ana e rātou. Ina whakahēngia, ka riri tonu rātou ki te hoa." 

I te mea he uaua ake te hopu i tēnei momo tinihanga i te tinihanga ā-ira, ka huna pea ngā hoa i muri i te āhua "hoahoa". I ētahi wā, kua tino whakapono rātou kāore rātou i te tino piripono ki te ao. Engari mō ā rātou hoa, he mea whakararu tēnei.

2. Mena he roa ake tana wā e noho tawhiti atu ana i te tikanga, tera pea ka āwangawanga 

Mena he momo tangata tō tāne e hiahia ana ki ngā haerenga takitahi me te noho kopikopiko, ehara tana haerenga wiki te roa i te mea hei āwangawanga. Engari ki te mea ko tana whakaaro kia noho tawhiti ko te haere ko ia anake ki te toa hoko kai, ā, inaianei kei te whakarite ia i tana haerenga kotahi marama te roa kia matara atu i a koe me ngā tamariki tokorua, kāore pea koe i te tino harikoa.

Ae, kāore e hiahiatia kia tino kaha rawa. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "Ko te roa o te wā e noho ana i waho o te whare me te kore e whakamōhio atu ki te hoa, ehara i te mea koinei anake te tohu e tohu ana i te hinganga o te marena , engari he tohu pea hei tirotiro māu. Ngā pō roa i te mahi, te noho ki ngā wāhi o ngā hoa, ngā haerenga pakihi e puta ake ana i te kore noa iho; kei te ngana ia ki te karo. Ko te tikanga, he ngana ki te mawhiti, he ngana ki te waihanga i tētahi momo whakapae hei karo i te noho tahi."

3. Ko te iti haere o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana he tohu pea kāore ia i te harikoa i roto i te marena

Nō reira, he pono te kīwaha tawhito? Ki te kore rātou e hiahia ki te whai hononga ā-ira ki ā rātou hoa rangatira, he tohu rānei tēnei kua mutu tō marena mō ngā tāne? Ko te whakautu, he tino whakaaro takitahi. "Ahakoa ko te taatai ​​tētahi o ngā āhuatanga nui o te marena, heoi, kāore e taea te tautuhi i ēnei mea i runga i ngā tikanga tino tika. Ka rerekē te nui o te whanaungatanga ā-ira i ia marena, i ia marena."

"Kei te auau o te taunekeneke i waenganui i a rāua i te wā e pai ake ana ngā āhuatanga. Ina rite tonu tana whakahē i ngā tono a te hoa ki te pā atu ki a ia, ka kitea pea tēnei hei tohu kāore ia i te harikoa i roto i te marena," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle.

• Kāore ia e tīmata i te moepuku i ēnei rā: Kāore rawa ia i te whakaaro i tēnei wā. He maha ngā marama kāore kōrua i whai wāhi ki tētahi momo whanaungatanga ā-tinana, ā, kāore ia e whakahua, e kī ana rānei. Ko tētahi anō tēnei o ngā mea ka taea ngā tohu tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga
• Ina whakapau kaha koe, ka karohia e ia: He kino rawa atu rānei, kāore ia e pai ki te piripono ki a koe. Ina pātai atu koe ki a ia he aha, ka mea ia nā te mea kāore ia i te hiahia, nā te nui rawa rānei o tana mahi. Tērā pea ka whai hua taua whakamārama i ngā wā tuatahi, engari ki te roa rawa tēnei mahi tinihanga, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato kua mutu tana mahi i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

4. "Kāore he aha, kaua e manukanuka" ko tana whakautu matua

"Kua mutu kē taku marena?" i whakaaroaro a Val, e kōrero ana ki tana hoa mō te āhua kāore rawa e taea e tana tāne te kōrero ki a ia. "Kei te kitea tōna tawhiti, kei te kitea tōna kore aro. I ia wā ka ngana ahau ki te pātai ki a ia he aha kei roto i tōna hinengaro, me te mea ka hoki mai ia ki te ao tūturu, ka whakarērea ahau, ka haere atu. Kua mutu taku marena, ā, kāore au i te mōhio me aha ahau mōna," tāna tāpiri.

"Kāore pea he raruraru mō te taatai, engari tera pea te tāne e ahua tawhiti ana ina tae ki te kōrero. Tērā pea kei reira ia mō ngā huihuinga me ngā whakaritenga katoa a te whānau, engari kāore pea ia i roa te whakapuaki i ōna kare ā-roto," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle. I ētahi wā, ka ngaro pea te āhua o te marena kino. Ina huna e tetahi ōna kare ā-roto mai i te tangata e tika ana kia noho tahi rāua mō te toenga o ō rāua oranga, ka mōhio koe kei te hē tetahi mea. 

• Te kore korero: I roto i tetahi hononga, te whakawhitiwhiti tōtika he maha ngā wā ko te kāpia e pupuri ana i ngā mea katoa kia tū tika. Tangohia atu tēnā i te whārite, ā, kua whiwhi koe i tētahi ranunga kore taurite, ā, he mea morearea pea.
• Ahakoa ngā kōrero ngāwari noa iho kua ngaro atu i te matapihi: Ko te pātai atu ki a '"Kia ora, kei te pēhea tō rā i tēnei rā?" he mea anō kua mutu tāu tumanako atu i a ia. Ahakoa kāore ia e riri ana ki a kōrua, kāore kōrua e whai i taua whārite e noho tahi ana kōrua, e kōrero ana mō ō kōrua oranga, e noho tahi ana rānei.

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5. Kua ngaro kē te 'wā mokemoke'?

"Tērā pea ka kawea mai e ia tāu tamaiti ki roto i te rūma, ka kitea rānei e ia he take hei karanga i te whānau ki te whare, me te kore e kōrero ki te hoa rangatira. Ko te tikanga, he huarahi huna ēnei hei karo i te noho ko ia anake me tana hoa rangatira," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle.

Āhea te wā whakamutunga i pātai atu ai kōrua tetahi ki tetahi mō tō kōrua āhua, ā, i kōrero tahi ai kōrua mō taua mea? Ki te mea kei te noho tahi kōrua me tētahi hoa noho e moe tahi ana kōrua i ētahi wā, tera pea ko tētahi o ngā tohu kei te whakaaro ia ki te whakarē i a koe. 

• Kāore kōrua e haere hararei ana i ēnei rā: Ngāna kia maumahara ki te wā whakamutunga i haere ai kōrua ki waho o te tāone mō te mutunga wiki, i haere tahi rānei mō te wiki. Mena kua neke atu i te tau, he tohu tēnei kei te pakaru tō kōrua marena.
• Kāore hoki ia e aro ki a koe i ngā huihuinga whānau: Engari ko te awhi i a koe me te kihi i a koe i mua i te katoa mō te noho hei hoa rangatira māna, ka wehe kē kōrua i a kōrua i ngā wā pāpori. Ko te wā anake e kōrero ai kōrua ko te wā e hiahia ana kōrua ki te whakatau āhea kōrua e wehe atu ai.
• I ngā Rātapu, he wāhi tonu tāna hei haere: Kua ngaro kē te kawe i tana hoa ki te parakuihi i tētahi rā paki, te whai wā rānei ki te kāinga me te whānau. I ngā rā kāore ia e mahi ana, he maha āna mahere kē. Me te mea kāore koe e kite i a ia i te whare i ēnei rā.

6. Kua āraia ohoreretia tana waea pūkoro?

Ka raka mārire ia i tana mata ina tomo koe ki roto i tōna rūma? Ka ohorere rānei ia ina tangohia e koe tana waea, ahakoa he mea hei rapu noa i a Google? Ahakoa ehara i te mea ko tētahi o ngā tohu kei te whakamahere ia ki te wehe atu i a koe, he pono kei te huna e ia tetahi mea.

"Ina ngana tonu ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te tirotiro i te waea a tetahi ki tetahi hei kimi i ētahi taunakitanga e whakapae ana i tetahi, he tohu nui tēnei kāore te whanaungatanga i te harikoa. He haunga ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki me te korenga o te marena hauora. Ko te huna rawa i tō waea he tohu pea kei a kōrua tetahi mea hei huna. Ko te mea anake kāore e taea e kōrua te whakawhirinaki tetahi ki tetahi, ehara i te mea pai rawa atu," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle, e kōrero ana mō te āhua o te marena kino.

7. Kei a koe tonu te he, ahakoa te aha ka tupu

I te tipu haere o te kore harikoa me ngā whakaaro kino i roto i te marena, kāore kōrua e tino kōrero ki a kōrua me ngā kupu tino aroha. Mena ko tāna mahi he whakapae i a koe, he kimi hapa rānei i a koe, tera pea koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino kino kāore e taea te whakaora i te marena.

"Mai i tō rātou taumaha, ō rātou kākahu, ki te auau o tā rātou haere ki waho, ki te momo tangata rātou, te nui o te moni e pau ana i a rātou, ka raru ia i ngā mea katoa ina tae mai ki tana hoa rangatira. Me te mea kei te ngana ia ki te kī atu ki a rātou kia whakarere i a rātou anō, kia whakarērea rānei tōna ao. Tērā pea koinei tētahi o ngā tohu kua mutu tō marena mō ngā tāne, i te taha hinengaro. Ko te whakaari o te haere ki te whare kōti me te whakarere, tera pea ka whakaroa i ētahi o ngā mahi katoa, engari kua mutu kē pea te kare ā-roto," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle.

• Ngā tawai tonu: He tawai noa iho pea tāna ki a koe, engari ka mamae koe ki te whakarongo ki a ia e tawai ana ki a koe
• Ngā kōrero whanoke: Ka tīmata ngā kupu pēnei i te "He aha koe i pēnei ai?" me te "I tumanako ahau kia pērā tāu mahi" i ia wā ka hē koe.
• Te kore o te murunga hara: Ko te murunga hara tētahi o ngā āhuatanga tino nui o tētahi whanaungatanga, engari te āhua nei kua wareware ia ki ēnā mea katoa. Ahakoa ngā mea iti rawa, e ahua ana kāore ia e muru ana i te hara, ā, e kore rawa e taea te tuku i ngā mea. Ka puta ake he hapa i mahia e koe i ngā marama e waru ki muri i roto i tētahi kōrero i tēnei rā.

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8. Kei te whakakatakata tonuhia te kaha o tō kōrua marena

Ka taea e te tangata te whakatau i te mamae mā te āwhina o te whakakatakata. I ētahi wā, ka whakamahia pea e rātou te whakakatakata hei tohu i ngā mea kāore pea rātou i te rite ki te kōrero mōna. A te wā ka kite koe i tētahi mea e puritia ana e te aho, ā, ka mea mai tō tāne "Āe, ko tā māua marena tēnei", koinei tētahi o ngā tohu noa e whakaatu ana kei te kino haere ngā mea i roto i tō kōrua marena.

"Mēnā he maha rawa ngā katakata mō te mutunga o te marena, tera pea ētahi mea e hiahia ana koe ki te pānui i waenganui i ngā rārangi. He iti nei te pono kei muri i ia katakata. Engari i te tuku i te kata māharahara, me te whakaaro "Āe, kāore ia i te hē", ngana ki te whakaaro he aha te tikanga o tēnā," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle. 

9. Kāore e taea te wehe atu i tō tirohanga mō te heke mai 

Mena kei roto ia i tētahi marena kore harikoa , ka kite koe i te rerekētanga nui o āna mahere mō te heke mai, ā, kāore ō kōrua tirohanga e rite ana. Wareware atu ki taua whare takirua ataahua i ngā tāone iti i whakaaro koe ki te hoko ina reti koe, ināianei ka hiahia ohorere ia ki te noho hei kaipakihi.

Ngāna kia kōrero ki tāu tāne mō te heke mai. Mēnā he paku noa tana whakautu, engari kāore anō kia whai kōrero whai hua mō taua mea, tera pea tētahi o ngā tohu kua mutu tana marena . Tērā pea i hiahia tonu kōrua kia rua ā kōrua tamariki hei whakawhānui i tō kōrua whānau, engari ināianei kua kore rawa ia e aro ki taua mea. Kei te hiahia rānei koe ki te neke ki tētahi rohe hou, engari kāore tonu ia e aro ki te waea atu ki te kaihoko whare i oati ia ka kōrero ki a ia. Ka waiho koe kia whakaaro tonu mēnā kei te hiahia tonu ia ki te noho marena ki a kōrua.

10. He tinihanga pūtea

Ka taea e te tinihanga pūtea i roto i ngā marena te pā mai ki a koe me te kore e mōhio. I mua i tō mōhio, tera pea kei te tango ia i ngā whakataunga pūtea nui me te kore e whakamōhio atu ki a koe, me te kī atu kāore ia e tino whakaute ana i a koe.

• He kino āna whakatau pūtea: Ko te tohu kāore e taea te whakaora i te marena ko te korenga o te haurua o te whanaungatanga e whai mana whakahaere ana i ngā pūtea. Mēnā ka hoki mai ia me te motuka kua whakatau kōrua kāore e hiahiatia ana e kōrua, kei te pāngia ia e te raruraru nui rawa atu o te waenga-o-te-oranga, kāore rānei i whakaute i a koe i te tuatahi.
• Kāore ia e kōrero atu ki a koe i ēnei rā: Mai i te hokohoko nui ki te hoko kai mō te whare, te āhua nei kāore tō tāne e hiahia ana ki te pātai atu ki a koe he aha ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe. Tērā pea ka rite tēnei ki te takahi i te whakaaetanga.

11. Kāore i te tino kaha te mahi

Ina memeha haere ngā mura me te aroha o te marena hauora o mua, ehara i te hiahia nui ki te aroha e pupuri ana i te tokorua kia noho tahi. Ko te mea e pupuri ana i te whanaungatanga tekau tau te roa ko te whakapau kaha, he nui te mahi. Ahakoa he whanaungatanga ā-tinana, he ohorere ataahua, he ngana ki te noho tahi tetahi ki tetahi, he whānau tamariki rānei, te āhua nei kāore tō tāne i te mōhio me tīmata ki hea.

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui e pōturi haere ana te mate o tō kōrua marena, ko te kore e aro atu ki ngā raruraru e pā ana ki a kōrua. Ka karohia e ia te kawenga, ā, he pai kē ki a ia te wareware i ngā raruraru e pā mai ana ki a kōrua, kia whakaaro ai koe kāore ia e hiahia kia noho tonu ki a kōrua.

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12. He pukumahi ake ia ki ētahi atu tāngata me ngā mea

Ā, nui atu te harikoa i te taha o rātou. Ina kitea tōna āwangawanga i a koe, tera pea koe e whakaaro he mea tōna ake, kāore e pā ki tō kōrua marena. Tērā pea kei te ahotea ia, kei te tīmata rānei te pouri. Heoi, ko tētahi o ngā huarahi hei mōhio kua mutu rawa tō kōrua marena ko te kite atu he tangata pōuri noa iho ia i te kāinga, engari ina noho tahi ia me ētahi atu tāngata, ko ia te oranga o te pāti.

Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu e kitea whānuitia ana. Te āhua nei he nui tana haere tahi me ōna hoa, me ōna hoa mahi — tae atu ki ngā whanaunga i noho ki tērā taha o te tāone i kīia e ia e kinongia ana e ia, inaianei kua puta kē mai i roto i āna mahere mō te mutunga wiki. Ka whiwhi te katoa i tōna ataahua, i tōna aro, me tōna aroha engari ko te mea anake ka kitea ko tōna taha ngoikore o te kare ā-roto.

13. Kāore ia e pātai ki a koe he aha te mea e pā ana ki a koe

Kei te mahara koe ki tana mōhio ki tā kōrua tautohenga ki a Katelyn i tana mahi? I tana kaha rānei ki te whai wāhi atu ki ō kaupapa katoa i te wā i whakatau ai kōrua ki te tīmata ki te mahi me tētahi kaupapa hauora hinengaro? I tēnei wā o tō kōrua marena, kāore ia e mahara ko wai a Katelyn, ā, kāore hoki ia e pātai me pēhea te haere o tā kōrua mahi taha.

Kei tawhiti rawa atu ō āwangawanga, tō oranga, me ō hihiri i a ia. Me te mea kei te tawhiti atu koe i a koe anō, i a ia e haere ana ki waho ki te mahi i tāna e tika ana kia mahia.

14. Ka whakamahi tonu ia i te ārai kohatu

Ko tētahi o ngā tohu whakatūpato kua āraia e ia i roto i te marena, he mea e kore e taea te wareware, ko te mea ka ārai ia i a koe. E kīia ana hoki tēnei e Tākuta John Gottman ko tētahi o ngā tohu e whā o te wehenga. Ki te riri tonu tō tāne ki a koe, kātahi ka tīmata te kore aro ki a koe i muri i tana riri ki a koe, kei te ārai ia i a koe. Ki te wehe atu rānei ia i te taha kare ā-roto tae noa ki te wā kāore he aha mena ka taunekeneke kōrua, ka mahi rānei i tō whanaungatanga, he take ārai anō hoki tēnā.

• Kāore ia e aro ki ōu whakatatanga: Ka taea e koe te whakatata atu ki a ia ki te whakatau i te raruraru i muri i te tautohe whanaungatanga kāore rānei ia e aro ki te whakapāha ki a ia, engari kāore ia i aro. Ka haere tonu ia i tana mahi i ia rā, me te kore e hiahia ki te whakatika i te raruraru.
• Ka tīmata ia ki te tiaki i a ia anō: Ahakoa ka kōrero pōhewa ia ki a koe, kāore he whakama i tōna taha. Ina hoki, ka noho ārai ia, ā, ka haere tonu tana whakapae i a koe.

Kia Tūpato i a koe e Mātaki Ana i ngā Tohu Kua Mutu tō Mārena mō ngā Tāne 

I te tirohanga tuatahi, te āhua nei ko tāu noa he kite i ētahi tohu kua mutu tana marena, kōrero atu ki ētahi hoa mōna, ā, kia tino whakapono koe kāore e taea te whakatika i tō korua marena. I te nuinga o te wā, kāore i te tino tuwhera, i te tino kati pērā. Kāo, kaua e tukua kia whakaaro koe kua ngaro katoa ngā mea nā te nui o ngā whakarere. He maha tonu ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi me te arotake i mua i te whakamutu, ā, tukua ō whakaaro kino katoa kia kaha ake i a koe.

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Bhonsle i ngā mea me tirotiro e koe, "Ki taku titiro, kāore e taea e koe te rapu tohu ka tae atu ki te whakaaro kua pakaru tō marena. He maha ngā āhuatanga o te ngaro o te hiahia. I ia wā ka whakakahore ia i te moepuku, i ia wā rānei ka karanga ia i te whānau me te kore e kōrero atu ki a koe, ehara i te mea kei te ngana ia ki te mawhiti atu i a koe."

"Tērā pea he tohu kei te hiahia ia engari he kaha tōna mana motuhake, ā, he rerekē tana whakaaro mō te aroha. Kāore ēnei tohu kua tata te raru o tō kōrua marena e kī ana kei te hē ngā mea. He rite ki te kī "Kei te tākaro ia i ngā kēmu ataata, kāore pea ia e aro ki tana mahi" me "He kohinga maripi tawhito tāna, he tino tutu ia".

Kaua e peke i te pū

"Kāore tētahi o ēnei tohu e puta mai me te kore he āhuatanga e haere tahi ana. He maha ngā āhuatanga o ia āhuatanga. Ahakoa kāore ia i hoatu he putiputi ki a koe i te Rā o Valentine, ehara i te mea kāore ia e aroha ki a koe. He rerekē te whakaaturanga o te aroha, i runga i te tekau tau o tō oranga. He rerekē te aroha i ngā tau 20 i te aroha i ō tau 30. I a koe e tamariki ana, ko tāu e hiahia ana ko te taatai, ngā koha ataahua, me te hanga rīra Instagram tahi. I a koe e pakeke haere ana, he mea aroha te haumi tahi ki tētahi pūtea tahi." 

"I te mea kei te huri haere tonu te āhua o tō whakapuakitanga i te aroha , ā, he nui atu i tā te kanohi e kite atu ana, me tūpato koe. Kaua e peke ki te whakatau i a koe e rapu ana i ngā tohu e whakaaro ana ia ki te whakarērea i a koe, ngana ki te huri i aua tohu kia mārama ai koe ki te pūtake mai. Kaua e whakaaroaro mō te wā i whakaatu ai ia i ēnei tohu, engari me kimi te 'take' o muri mai," tana whakatau.

Kua ngana koe ki te hopu me te tātari i ngā tohu maha e hiahia ana tō marena ki te āwhina, ā, te āhua nei kua tino pōhēhē rawa. He pai ki te whakapā atu ki tētahi kaitohutohu ngaio kore whakaaro nui hei āwhina i a kōrua. Ki te hiahia koe ki te mutu te whakaaro he aha te mea kei te tupu, ā, me rapu whakautu tika mō tāu mahi i muri mai, he pāwhiri noa iho te tawhiti o te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro o Bonobology.

Ki te mea kei te āwangawanga koe mō te korenga o te aro o tō tāne ki ngā mea e pā ana ki a koe, ā, ki te whakaaro koe kāore kōrua e whakaae ana ki ngā mea e pā ana ki a koe, ko te tumanako kua āwhina ēnei tohu i a koe kia mārama ake ai ki te āhua o te raruraru. Ko te tere o tō mōhio kei te hē tetahi mea, ko te tere o tō whakatika. 

I whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te Hakihea 2022.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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