9 Ngā Tohu kei roto koe i tētahi Hononga Mutu-kore

He pai ki te katoa ngā hua o ā rātou haumitanga. Ahakoa he pakihi, he mahi, he whanaungatanga rānei – e hiahia ana tātou kia utua mō ō tātou wā me ō tātou kaha. Engari ka tae mai tētahi wā i roto i ō tātou oranga ka tae tātou ki tētahi kitenga whakamataku; kāore he ūnga e kitea ana i te ara e haerehia ana e tātou. He mea tino uaua ki te tautuhi i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore. Kei te ruarua te tangata i waenga i te hiahia ki te whakamātau, ki te tango rānei i te ara puta. 

Kāore e taea te whakatau whai whakaaro me te kore e mārama tika ki ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga kua mate. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai i tō hononga mai i ngā tirohanga ahurei e iwa. Ki te whai pānga koe ki ēnei tohu, he āhua hē te āhua. Engari, kaua e eke ki te tereina manukanuka i tēnei wā tonu. Tirohia tā mātou aratohu poto whānui i te tuatahi. He nui ngā mea kāore pea koe e mōhio ana mō te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore…

Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore? – 9 ngā tohu

Ka taea e mātou (me te whakaaro) te peti kotahi rau miriona tāra ki a koe kei te whakararuraru i tō hinengaro tētahi pātai rongonui: "Kei hea tēnei e anga atu ana?" Kua whakakinohia tēnei e Hollywood me ngā sitcoms engari ki te pātai mai koe ki a mātou, ki tā mātou he pātai tino tika. He mahi uaua te whanaungatanga, ā, ki te kore e anga atu ki hea, he pai ake te tuku i taua kaha ki tētahi atu wāhi. Nā te mea, kāore koe e hiahia ki te pouri mō te meka i moumou koe i ngā tau i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kore mutunga.

Engari anei tētahi raruraru iti rawa. Ko ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga kua mate, he rite tonu ki tētahi wāhi pōrearea rangitahi i roto i tētahi hononga kaha. Nō reira, me pēhea e taea ai e koe te mōhio mēnā he pai te mahi mō tō hononga? Tukua mātou kia uru atu. Pērā i te hunga mōhio katoa, kua kohikohia e mātou tēnei rārangi tino whai kōrero. Ko tā mātou whāinga he āwhina i a koe ki te whakautu i tētahi pātai – "Me whakamutu e au tētahi whanaungatanga kua mate?" Me tīmata tonu tātou! 

1. (Kāore) i te pono…  

Kāore he haki whero ake i roto i te hītori o ngā haki whero. Ki te kore e taea e koe te pono ki tō hoa, he aha koe i noho tahi ai me rātou i te tuatahi? He maha ngā paparanga o te pono. Ko te mea tuatahi, ko te noho ko koe te tangata pono rawa atu. Ko te ao aroha o tō oranga me whakarato i tētahi wāhi whakamarie e wātea ai koe ki te noho ko koe anō. Ina me huna e koe ētahi wāhanga o tō tuakiri, me huna rānei i tētahi mea mō tō oranga, kia mōhio koe kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore.

Tuarua, ko te teka tūturu. Kei te mura ō tarau ina karanga mai tō hoa ki a koe ki te whakarite mahere? He tino pukumahi rawa koe, āe? Mēnā kei te karo koe i a rātou, kei te rapu whakamārama hoki, tēnā whakaaroaro; ehara te karo tetahi i tetahi i te tikanga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i ngā whanaungatanga hauora . Ko te teka i roto i tētahi āhua, te uaua rānei ki te kōrero pono, he tohu tēnei kei te pā – he pā pereki teitei kei te pito o te huarahi whakaipoipo māu.

2. Me noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore he mutunga? Kimihia ngā rerekētanga   

Ki te hanga koe i tētahi tūtohi Venn o ngā whāinga a tō hoa me ō whāinga, kāore ianei koe e kite i te ōritetanga? Ka hangaia he whanaungatanga i runga i te pūtake o te tikanga ōrite. Me whai ōritetanga te tirohanga, ngā whāinga, ngā uara matua, me ngā wawata. Ina kore rawa he ōritetanga o ngā tāngata tokorua; ina anga whakamua ana rāua ki te huarahi kē, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu mate nui o te whanaungatanga.

Hei tā te kī, e hiahia ana koe ki te mārena me te whānau tamariki, engari kāore tō hoa rangatira e hiahia ana. E whakapono ana koe ki te haereere me te tūhura i a rāua e pai ana ki te noho i te oranga pumau. He arai tērā, e ngā wāhine, e ngā tāne. He iti noa iho, he kore rānei he tūponotanga ka houhia e kōrua ō kōrua whāinga, ō kōrua tirohanga rānei ki te ao. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ka wehe kē kōrua i te mutunga nā te mea e kore rawa kōrua e whakaae ki ētahi mea . He mea whakaaro nui te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore pēnei? E kī mai koe ki a mātou…

3. Take o te mate: Hoha

I tuhituhi matatau a Friedrich Nietzsche, "Kāore ianei te ao i te poto rawa, kia hoha ai tātou?" Ā, koinei tonu te mea me pātai atu koe ki a koe anō. Arā, ka ngokingoki haere te hoha ki roto i te whanaungatanga mō ia tokorua mō te wā poto. Engari KAUA e waiho hei āhua noho tonu. Koinei te whanaungatanga mutunga kore, arā, me mārama koe. Ahakoa kāore he hoa e taea te hoatu i ngā pūrerehua ki a koe i ngā wā katoa, 24/7, he tika te tumanako ki te tūponotanga, te ngahau, ngā ohorere, me te mōrearea.

Mena he kino te ara aroha mai i te tīmatanga ki te mutunga, kāore ngā mea e pai ana mōu. Nā te mea ka tae koe ki te taumata o te makona, ā, ka hiahia koe ki ētahi atu mea mai i tō hoa. Nā te mea ehara i te mea ko te mahi tinana anake te take o te hoha; engari ko te kōrero, ko te mahi o ia rā, me ngā reo aroha. Ina wehe kōrua (ā, tera pea ka pērā anō), ka pouri koe mō ngā tau i moumouhia e koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore i te mutunga.

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Hoha Te Hononga

4. Kaua e pā mai ki ahau 

Kāore e whakaaetia te whakaipoipo mō te taatai ​​noa iho. Engari kāore hoki e whakaaetia te kore aro ki te taatai ​​i te wā e whakaipoipo ana. He mea nui te whanaungatanga ā-tinana mō te whanaungatanga hauora. He tokomaha e whakaiti ana i te hiranga o te hototahitanga o te taatai, ā, ka pouri i te rā i muri mai. Ki te kore he hononga i waenganui i a kōrua, tera pea kei roto kōrua i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore. Ko te korenga o te moepuku he tohu anō hoki mō ngā raruraru huna pēnei i te whakawhirinaki, te kore rānei e haumaru. 

Haunga tēnā, he nui atu ngā āhuatanga o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana i te moe tāne noa iho, engari ko te awhi, te pā, te mirimiri, te kihi, te pupuri ringa rānei, he mea nui tēnei hei āwhina i te angitu o te whanaungatanga. Ko te kore e pai ki te pā o tō hoa he mea tika kia aro nui koe ki tēnā. Kei te whakaaro tonu koe me noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore? Hmmm, he aha te kupu e rapuhia ana e mātou? Te pumau. Kāore tō whanaungatanga e pumau mena kāore koe i te pai ki a rātou.

5. He mea kei te heke mai? He rite tonu ki te Few-ture 

Tukua mātou kia pātai i tētahi pātai tino tawhito… Kei hea koe e kite ana i a koe anō i roto i ngā tau e rima kei te heke mai? I a koe e tā ana i tētahi pikitia o ngā ao rerekē o tō ao, whakaarohia tō hoa rangatira. Kei roto rātou i tēnei whakaahua whakaaro noa? Kua wareware rawa atu rānei koe ki a rātou? Ko te whanaungatanga he huihuinga o ngā tāngata e rua e hiahia ana ki te waihanga i tētahi oranga tahi. Ko te tikanga o te whanaungatanga mutunga kore ko tēnei – kāore he heke mai mō tō hononga.

Tērā pea kei te noho pūmau koe i roto i taua wāhi tauhou, kāore he take hei wehe i a kōrua. Tērā pea he tikanga te noho tahi me rāua i tēnei wā. He māmā ake te whakaipoipo i te kore, tika? HĒ. Kei roto koe i tētahi mea ka puta noa te mamae me te ngākau pouri i te mutunga. Ina tū koe ki te taha o tētahi pakitara i te pito o te rori, ka whakaaro koe he aha koe i moumou ai i ngā tau i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore. He pai ake te whai tirohanga whakamua inaianei, ki tā mātou whakaaro…

6. Tino pāpori 

Nā, he aha te tohu hei whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e mutu? He hiahia ki te noho tahi me te ao katoa i mua i tō hoa. Ki te pai koe ki te noho tahi me ētahi atu, he tohu tēnei mō te kore hototahi i waenganui i a koe me tō hoa (kāore) e tino hono ana ki a koe. Kāore mātou e kōrero ana mō tētahi mea e tupu ana i te wā kotahi. (He mea noa te hiahia ki te noho tahi i waho o te whanaungatanga.) Ko tā mātou e kī ana ko te whakatairanga i ētahi atu i mua i tō hoa.

Anei tētahi horopaki whakaaro noa: I whakarite pōrearea koe i ngā mahere tina me tō hoa me tō hoa rangatira i te rā kotahi. Mēnā ka whiriwhiria koe i waenganui i a rāua, ko wai tāu e whiriwhiri ai? Mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e whai hua, ka whiriwhiria wawetia e koe te hoa. Whakamāramahia te āhua e pai ana ki a koe, engari e mōhio ana tāua ki te pono. Kāore tō hononga ki tō hoa rangatira i te tino teitei i roto i te rārangi o ngā kaupapa matua. (Mōu – Ko te whanaungatanga hauora ko tētahi e whai wā ai ngā hoa ki a rātou anō.)

7. I runga i te kapua kore  

E mōhio ana tātou kāore te whakaipoipo i te mea he pai, he ātaahua hoki; he maha ngā wā pai me ngā wā pōuri o ia tokorua. Engari ki te titiro matatau koe ki te tirohanga a te manu, me harikoa tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Me nui ake te hiranga o ngā wā pai i ngā wā kino. Kia mōhio koe kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore mēnā kei te pōuri koe, kei te pouri hoki. Ko te tumanako kia noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa mō ake tonu atu me whakahihiri, me tumanako hoki. Ki te puta he mataku, he pono kāore i te tika ngā mea.

He kōwhiringa te aroha e mahia ana e tātou i ia rā, i ia rā. Ka mahia e tātou tēnei nā te mea ka kawea mai e ō tātou hoa te harikoa, te whakamarie, me te haumaru ki a tātou. Ki te kore e taea e koe te rapu whakamarie i roto i tō rātou hoa, me te kimi harikoa me rātou, kaua kōrua e noho tahi. Nā, me kī mai koe ki a mātou – he aha te āhua o te tūtohi porowhita o tō whanaungatanga? Ka menemene koe i te whakaaro ki tō hoa? Kāore rānei te pouri e tino rangatira? (Me kī kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te puta atu i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore inaianei.)

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Hononga Hauora me ngā Hononga Kore Hauora – 10 Ngā Āhuatanga

8. He pai te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero? He aha te tikanga o tēnā?

Ki te hiahia koe ki te mōhio mēnā kei te ara kore koe, tirohia ō tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. I roto i te whanaungatanga mutunga kore, ka kitea ngā tauira kōrero me te whakatau pakanga tino koretake. Ka piki ake tētahi kōrero iti hei pakanga nui, ā, ka huaki te tini o ngā kutukutu i taua pakanga. He rā kei reira koe e noho puku ana mō ngā hāora, ko ētahi atu rā kei te noho puku koe. Ko ngā kōrero matua e whakamahia ana e koe ko "Kāore au i te kōrero pēnā" me "he aha tāu e kī nei?".

Ko te tikanga, he tino pai rawa atu ā kōrua kōrero. Ko ngā whakaeke whaiaro, te pukuriri, te hamama, te whakahāwea, te whakawhiti whakapae , te tinihanga, me te whakamāori i te kōrero, ko ētahi o ō pūkenga. Ko te whanaungatanga mutunga kore, arā, me mōhio te katoa, kei roto i te kounga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Kāore e taea te mau tonu o te hononga ina kore e taea e te tokorua te kōrero mārama, pono, me te whai whakaaro tetahi ki tetahi.

9. Ngā mea kino, ngā mea whakarihariha, me ngā mea tino whakarihariha – Me pēhea te puta atu i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore he mutunga?

Kāore e mutu te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea ko te wehenga anake te mea e kore e taea te karo, engari ko te kore hoki e taea te tipu ake mō ngā tāngata e rua. Kāore e pai te hononga mēnā kei te whara kōrua tetahi i tetahi, ahakoa kāore i te mōhiotia. Kei te kōrero mātou mō ngā tauira kino me te tukino i roto i tō oranga whakaipoipo. Ka puta ēnei i roto i ngā momo āhua - kare ā-roto, tinana, hinengaro, pūtea rānei. Kāore e taea e kōrua te noho tonu i roto i tēnei taiao mō te wā roa.

Tērā te wā ka pāngia koe e te ngenge nui. He tino hoha te noho i roto i tētahi hononga mutunga kore nā te mea ka takahia tonutia ō rohe. Ka tīmata koe ki te rongo kua whakaekea koe, kua kore hoki e pai ki te noho i roto i te taiao. Ki te pāngia koe e tētahi momo tukino, tēnā mawehe atu i te āhuatanga tonu. Rapua he āwhina mai i ngā mana whakahaere, ā, whakapā atu ki ngā hoa me te whānau. Kia tino mōhio ki te kino e pā mai ana i tētahi hononga mutunga kore.

Ko te āwangawanga o te hāora ko te mea me noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi hononga mutunga kore, kāore rānei. Me kōrero tātou mō ngā ara e tuwhera ana ki a koe i tēnei wā tonu. He aha tāu e taea ai mēnā ka kitea koe kei roto i tētahi ara kua mutu? Arotakehia ngā painga me ngā huakore o ia huarahi mahi kua whakarārangihia i raro nei. Anei ngā mea hei mahi ina aro atu koe ki ngā tohu kua mutu te hononga…

Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e mutu?

Nā te hītori me te whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i a rātou me tō rātou hoa, ka āwangawanga te tangata ki te whakamutu i ngā whanaungatanga. Engari i ētahi wā, koinei te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e rātou te mahi mā te hunga katoa e whai wāhi ana. Kei te whakaaro pea koe he aha te mahi e whai ake nei, ā, kei konei mātou hei whakamama i tō raruraru. Tirohia ēnei kōwhiringa hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e mutu.

• Kōrerohia me te pono: Ko te mea tuatahi me mahi ko te kōrero ngākau-ki-ngākau ki tō hoa. Kōrerohia te huarahi e ahu whakamua ai te whanaungatanga, me te mea e ōrite ana ō kōrua moemoeā. He aha tāu e taea ai kia pai ake ai te haere o ngā mea? Ko te te tūranga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kaua e tangohia ngāwari!
• Mahi kaha: Me mahi tahi ngā hoa mahi kia angitu ai te whanaungatanga. Ki te hiahia kōrua ki te whakapai ake i tō kōrua hononga mā te whakapau wā tahi, te hanga whakawhirinaki, te kimi i ngā arai, me te tautoko tetahi i tetahi, kāti he tūponotanga tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Engari kia mahara, me whakapau kaha koe ki te mahi i tēnei.
• Rapua te awhina: Mena kei te noho tonu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore, ā, kei te pōhēhē koe me pēhea te whakatau i taua whanaungatanga, me rapu tohutohu koe i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. I Bonobology, ka tukuna e mātou awhina ngaio mā roto i ā mātou kaitohutohu me ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana. Ka taea e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ake ki tōu hihiri
• Ngā ara wehe: He kōwhiringa uaua te wehenga engari he kōwhiringa mohio anō hoki. Kaua e noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga mutunga kore nā te whakamarie me te āhua noa. Ki te kore he wāhi hei whakapai ake, me haere tonu atu. Whakawhirinaki mai ki a mātou, ka whakaora i a koe i te ao mamae ā muri ake nei.

Kua tae ki te mutunga o tā mātou haerenga. Ko te tumanako i āwhina ā mātou tohutohu i a koe kia mārama te kite i ngā mea. Ki te whakaaro koe i ngaro i a mātou tetahi mea, tēnā tuhituhi mai ki a mātou – e pai ana mātou ki te whakarongo atu ki a koe. Kia maumahara tonu ka taea e koe te hoki mai ki a mātou i ngā wā katoa. Kei konei a Bono hei tautoko i a koe.

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