12 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato o te Hononga e Raru Ana

Pērā i te whanaungatanga, ehara te wehenga i te mea ohorere; ehara i te mea ka puta noa mai i te rangirua. Ki te āta tirotiro koe, ka kite koe i ngā tohu o te hinganga o te whanaungatanga i tawhiti atu. Mā tēnei mōhiotanga koe e āwhina ki te whakahaere i te kino, ki te whakaae rānei ki te mutunga e tata mai ana. E whakapono ana mātou me mārama ia tangata ki te kite i te wā e heke haere ana ngā mea me tana hoa.

He waimarie, he pūkenga tēnei ka taea te whakatipu. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ngā tohu tino nui o te ngoikore o te whanaungatanga me te ārahi a te tohunga hinengaro. Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), he tohunga whakahaere ira tangata me te whanaungatanga. Kia kitea tātou mēnā kei te anga whakamua tō hononga ki te wehenga. Nā, he aha ngā tohu nui o te hinganga o te whanaungatanga?

He aha ngā tohu o te korenga o te whanaungatanga? Anei ngā tohu e 12

He uaua ki te nuinga o te tangata te kite i ngā tohu o te korenga o te whanaungatanga nā te mea he iti noa iho te āhua. Engari ko te mea pono, koinei ngā mea e whakangaro ana i tō hononga. Hei tauira, he mea iti noa iho te wā e hē ai te kai a ngā hoa tokorua. Engari ki te tupu pinepine tēnei, he tohu tēnei kei te kore rāua e kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka whakamōhio atu mātou ki a koe i ngā tohu 12 (ae, 12!) hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ki ngā mea e pā ana ki tēnei. ngā hapa whakaipoipo noa.

Mā te mātauranga poto koe e whakamana ki te mahi whakatau hei painga mō te whanaungatanga. Whakatata atu ki te rārangi me te hinengaro tipu, ā, ako mai i tēnā. Kei te ngana noa mātou ki te whakaatu i ētahi wāhi raruraru kia taea ai e koe te mahi ki te hanga anō i te hononga e tohaina ana e kōrua. Āe, kaua e manukanuka – ka mahi tahi mātou hei rōpū, ā, ka āwhina i a koe i tēnei wā uaua. Anei ngā tohu matua o te whanaungatanga e hinga ana…

1. Te whanonga whakahāwea

Jaseena e whakamārama ana, "Ko te kore whakaute tētahi o ngā wāhanga matua o te whanaungatanga e hinga ana. Kāore kōrua e whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka uru mai te whakaiti. Ko ngā kōrero mamae me te whakatoi, te mahi i ngā mea e whakahē ana i ngā uara o tō hoa, me te whakaiti i a rātou i mua i te kamupene, he tauira noa iho ēnei o te whanonga kore whakaute. He mea pōuri te mea ka riri ngā hoa i ētahi wā." Whakaarohia tō whanaungatanga.

Kei te pēhea kōrua ko tō hoa aroha te whanaungatanga ki a kōrua? E whakahawea ana koe ki a rāua me ā rāua whakapono? E kata ana koe i a rāua ina haere kōrua ko ō hoa? Mēnā he āe, kei te puta he raruraru i roto i te whanaungatanga. Te whakaute tahi koinei te tūāpapa o tētahi hononga - kāore e taea e koe te mahi hauora me te kore e hoatu ki tāu hoa pai te whakaute e tika ana mā rāua.

Take Take matua: Kāore e pumau te whanaungatanga e tohuhia ana e te kore whakaute. Kāore e taea e koe te hanga oranga tahi me tetahi mena kāore koe e whakanui i a ia.

2. Te kore korero

Me te mea nei kāore anō kia kōrerotia tēnei i ngā rau wā! He mea nui rawa te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki te whanaungatanga i waenganui i te tokorua; he tohu kino tonu te kore kōrero. E kī ana a Jaseena, "Ka mutu te kōrero a te tangata mō ngā mea maha i roto i te whanaungatanga ngoikore. Kāore rātou e hiahia ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou wheako ki tā rātou hoa nā te mea 'kāore he rerekētanga.' Koinei te huarahi e puta ai te noho puku, e hanga ana i te tawhiti i waenganui i te tokorua."

"He nui ngā mea e whakawhirinaki ana ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mēnā ka whakaarohia. Ka whakatauhia ngā pakanga, ka whakamāramahia ngā māramatanga kore, ka whakaritea ngā mahere, ā, ka hangaia te whakawhirinaki mā te kōrero noa ki tō hoa." Te kore korero i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka pakaru. E pā ana hoki tēnei ki ngā hononga tawhiti. Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te mea e pupuri ana i ngā hoa i a rātou e noho wehe ana. Ki te iti haere te kōrero, me pēhea rātou e whai wāhi ai ki te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi? Ko ngā karakia wahangu he tohu hoki mō te korenga o ngā whanaungatanga tawhiti.

Take Take matua: He mea morearea te korenga o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki ngā momo whanaungatanga katoa. Ina ngaro te kōrero, ka ngaro hoki te aroha, te whakawhirinaki me te pono.

3. Ngā tauira o te teka – Ngā tohu o te korenga o te whanaungatanga

Te kore pono i roto i te whanaungatanga He whānui ngā hua e kore e kitea e tetahi. Ka tīmata noa iho – he teka mā konei, he teka kē atu. Engari mārire, ka piki haere te auau me te kaha o ēnei. Kua kitea kētia ētahi wā kāore e uru te tokorua ki ngā kōrero a tō hoa? Ko koe rānei te tangata e teka ana? Kāore e tika kia noho tonu hei take o te kore whakapono, i ētahi wā ka teka te tangata hei noho tawhiti atu i tā rātou hoa aroha. (Engari he take anō tēnei hei āwangawanga.)

Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Tohu He Raru Nui Kei a Koe i roto i tō Hononga

I tuhituhi tētahi kaipānui nō Vancouver, "E toru marama kua pahure mai i taku wehenga atu, ā, me i wehe wawe atu tāua. I te mutunga, i rapu tonu māua i ngā take hei wehe atu i te whare, kia kore ai e noho tahi. I taea e au te kōrero pono, me te whakatika i te take tūturu, engari i taua wā kāore māua i pai ki te kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga. I te titiro whakamuri, ka kite ahau kei te teka tonu ahau ki a ia mō ngā mea iti. He pai ake me i mohio māua he ngoikore tō māua whanaungatanga."

Take Take matua: Ka nui haere ngā kōrero teka i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka uaua haere te kōrero ki tō hoa. Ko te tinihanga te pūtake o te tawhiti me te pakanga.

4. He nui te kore whakawhirinaki

E whakamārama ana a Jaseena, "Ina kore koe e whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa, ka whakapae tonu koe i ngā mea katoa e kōrerohia ana e rātou, e mahia ana rānei e rātou. Ka waiho te whakaaroaro tuarua hei mea whakarihariha mō ngā taha e rua e whai wāhi ana. Hei whakamutunga, e rua ngā mea ka taea - ka uru koe ki te aratau tirotiro, ka kore rānei koe e aro ki a rātou. Ka takahia ngā rohe, ka ngana rānei koe ki te pupuri i te tawhiti." Ina tīmata te ngoikore o ngā kaupapa matua o te whakawhirinaki, whakaarohia ēnei he tohu ngoikore o te whanaungatanga.

Anei tētahi whakamātautau māmā; ina tukuna mai e tō hoa he kōrero, ka pātai tonu koe i ngā pātai whai muri? Ki te mea mai rātou, "Ka haere ahau ki waho ki te kai tina, ka hoki ki te kāinga i mua i te 11 karaka", ko tāu whakautu he pātai kei hea, ko wai rāua, me pēhea rāua e haere ana? Ki te mea ko tāu urupare tere ko te tirotiro i ngā meka o tā rāua kōrero, he tino hē tetahi mea i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ki tā mātou whakaaro kua tae ki te wā kia mahi koe ki te hanga anō i te whakawhirinakitanga i waenganui i a kōrua.

Take Take matua: Mā te kore whakawhirinaki ka kitea ngā āhuatanga kino o te tangata. Ki te tukua te whakapae me te ruarua kia whakahaere i a koe, he tino kino tēnei ki te whanaungatanga.

5. Te ngaronga o te whanaungatanga ā-hinengaro

O ngā tohu katoa o te ngoikore o te whanaungatanga, koinei te mea tino pōuri. Ina mutu te hononga, kāore tetahi o te tangata e piri tata ana tetahi ki tetahi. He wāhi piripono te hononga aroha, kī tonu i te aroha, te kata, te ngākau aroha me te āwangawanga; ka memeha haere ēnei katoa ina tata te wehenga. Ahakoa e kōrero ana rāua, he tawhiti kare ā-roto kotahi te ringa mai i ngā pito e rua. Ka noho ōkawa, ka whai hua te kōrero.

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Kāore tetahi o ngā hoa e pai ki te noho ngoikore, ki te whakapuaki rānei i ō rātou harikoa me ō rātou pouri ki tētahi atu. (E kore rawa e taea e te whanaungatanga ngoikore te whakarato i tētahi wāhi haumaru mō tētahi.) I te mea ka nui haere te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto, ka noho tahi ngā hoa e rua i ō rāua ake oranga. I tētahi wā, ka iti haere te hiahia ki tētahi atu. Ka iti haere te tikanga me ngā wheako tahi, ā, ka ngaro atu. Kāore he take ki te kī, he mamae te noho i roto i tēnei mutunga puhoi.

Take Take matua: Kāore e kitea te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto i te tīmatanga, engari ka tipu haere i ia rā. Ka taka te tokorua ki te kore e taurite, ā, ka neke te arotahi mai i te hanga i tētahi oranga tahi ki tētahi oranga takitahi.

6. Te tautohetohe tonu

E mea ana a Jaseena, "He nui atu i te pikinga o ngā pakanga anake. Ina tautohe te tokorua, kāore te riri e pā ana ki te take e pā ana. He nui te riri, ā, ka puta ake ngā raruraru o mua. Ka tere te piki haere o ngā whakahē i roto i te whanaungatanga ngoikore, ā, ka nui haere ngā mea. He hononga tēnei ki te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero - kaua te pakanga anake e waiho hei mea e kōrero ai kōrua tetahi ki tetahi."

Āe, kua kite koe i ngā tauira o te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatangaNō hea tēnei riri? Tērā pea ka puta ake ō raruraru kāore anō kia whakatauhia (ngā mea ka huna e koe) i ngā wā o te riri. Tērā pea ka kitea koe e kōrero ana i ngā mea tino mamae. Ā, tera pea… Tērā pea… kei te rapu pakanga koe hei whakararu i te whanaungatanga.

Take Take matua: He raruraru te riri ki tō hoa mō te nuinga o te wā. Ahakoa he pai te whawhai ki tētahi taumata, he tohu kino te pakanga tonu mō te whanaungatanga.

7. Te korenga o te aronga

Kāore e taea te kōrero mō ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga ngoikore me te kore e aro ki te korenga o te aronga. Kua huihui kōrua ko tō hoa ki te hanga tahi i tētahi heke maiHe mea nui te tirohanga whānui mō te roa me te angitu o tō kōrua hononga. Ki te kore kōrua e mōhio ki te wāhi e anga atu ana kōrua, he hapa kei te tino hē. He maha ngā tāngata ka karo i te kōrero mō te heke mai me ā rātou hoa ina kore e kitea he pumau te whanaungatanga.

Ina kōrero koe ki ō hoa mō ngā mea kei te heke mai, kei roto rānei tō hoa i aua āhuatanga whakaaro noa? Mena he hononga ngoikore tōu, kāore pea rātou e whai wāhi atu ki ngā mahere kua whakaritea e koe. Kaua hoki e pohehe, he hapa tino kore tēnei nāu. He mea āwangawanga noa iho kei te whakapau kaha koe ki tētahi hononga kāore koe e hiahia ana ki te pupuri i roto i te ao.

Take Take matua: Kāore e puta ake te kupu rongonui 'kei hea tēnei e anga atu ana?' i roto i te whanaungatanga e hinga ana. Ka heke te ōritetanga o ngā whāinga, ā, kāore tetahi o te hoa e whakaaro mō te heke mai tahi.

8. Kāore he mahi moepuku     

E kī ana a Jaseena, "Mēnā kāore e pai te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka rerekē te āhua o te hinengaro, ā, ka pā kino hoki tēnei ki te taha tinana. ngā momo whanaungatanga rerekē ā, he mea nui te whanaungatanga ā-tinana mō te hononga hauora. I te korenga o te taatai, o te aroha rānei, ka tawhiti haere te tokorua.” He mea e mōhiotia whānuitia ana ko te hototahitanga ā-ira tētahi o ngā wāhanga matua o te whanaungatanga pai. Ina puta he raruraru i waenganui i ngā pepa marena, me tīmata koe ki te manukanuka.

E iwa i roto i te tekau, ko te kore o te moepuku he tohu mō ngā raruraru nui ake. Ina ngaro ngā tohu aroha pēnei i te awhi, te mirimiri, te pākiki, te kihi rānei, ka whakararu i te oranga o te whanaungatanga, me te oranga o te tangata takitahi. Ka whakaatuhia anō hoki tēnei tohu e te whanaungatanga tawhiti e hinga ana, ahakoa he rerekē te āhua. Mō ngā kaipānui LDR katoa, ka kite koutou i te hekenga o ngā kōrero aroha ā-waha, ngā mahi moepuku ipurangi rānei. Ko te tumanako kāore tēnei e pā ki a koutou…

Take Take matua: He maha ngā paparanga o te korenga o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana. He raruraru te hekenga o te moepuku, te iti rānei o te whakaatu aroha ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

9. Te nui rawa o te kore haumaru 

E whakamārama ana a Jaseena, "Ina nui rawa te koretake o te māia, ka arahi ki te hae me ngā whanonga whakahaere. Ko te tirotiro i te waea a tō hoa, te whai i ōna hoa i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, te tono kia kaua e tūtaki ki ētahi tāngata, te aukati rānei i ō rātou haereere me ō rātou haerenga atu, he tohu pono tēnei o te hononga ngoikore, hauora hoki." Te kore haumaru i roto i te whanaungatanga ka puta mai i ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai i mua, he āhuatanga whakararuraru te ruarua tonu i tō hoa.

I te nuinga o te wā, ka huri te koretake o te māia ki te huarahi ki ngā mahi kino me te tukino. Mā te hae me te aroha ki te hoa hei whakamārama, ka whakahaerehia, ka whakahaerehia hoki e te tangata ētahi atu. Ina ara ake te māhunga o te taniwha kanohi matomato, ka wehe atu te rangimārie i te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kua pōuri koe mō tō hoa, noho ki te kōrero ki a koe anō. Ka miharo koe ki te mōhio he nui ake te pānga o ō kare ā-roto ki ō kawenga kare ā-roto, kaua ki ā rātou mahi.

Take Take matua: Ka noho te kore māia ki ngā hinengaro o ngā hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga e hinga ana. Ka arahi tēnei ki te hae me te pakanga mana i waenganui i te tokorua.

10. Ngā rautaki tinihanga 

Nā te mea kua kore te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tika i roto i te whanaungatanga e hinga ana, ka uru ngā hoa ki te tinihanga me te whakamātau i ngā mea kia pai ai te haere o ngā mea. te tuku i te maimoatanga wahanguKo te tango i te aroha, te whakawhiti whakapae, me ētahi atu, he tauira katoa ēnei o te mahi tinihanga. Ehara i te mea he tino mamae ngā kare ā-roto, engari he tino paitini hoki, ā, he kore e pumau. Kei te noho tonu ngā tāngata e rua i roto i te āhua manukanuka, ā, ka tīmata ki te pupuri i te kaute ko wai kei te 'toa'.

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Ina whakamahi ngā hoa i ngā rautaki tinihanga, ka mutu ka takahia e rātou ngā rohe o te whanaungatanga. Mā te takahi i te wāhi o tētahi, ahakoa hinengaro, tinana rānei, ka memeha haere te turanga o te whakawhirinaki. Ā, ina tīmata koe ki te whakahaere i tō hoa i te taha hinengaro, he tino uaua ki te hoki atu. Ko te pātai tūturu, he aha koe i hiahia ai ki te whakahaere ā-kore i tō hoa pai, kaua ki te kōrero tika me te pono ki a rātou?

Take Take matua: Ko te whakamāoritanga me te tinihanga i ngā mea katoa ka hua ake he takahi i te wāhi o tō hoa. Ka whānau mai he huringa kino e hua ake ai te kore whakawhirinaki me te tinihanga.

11. Ko te kore whakaae he mea nui mō te whanaungatanga e hinga ana

Ko te ture matua mō te hononga pai ko te whakaae tahi; koinei te kī e āwhina ana i ngā tāngata e rua tino rerekē ki te whakatau i ō rātou oranga. Mēnā ka tīmata rāua ki te whai i ngā mea e pai ana ki a rāua anō, ka pakaru te whanaungatanga. He mea nui te whakataurite i te mana motuhake i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, engari ko te hinengaro 'ko au i mua i a tāua' ehara i te mea tino pai mō te noho tahi me te aroha. Ko te kore e pai ki te whakaae tahi tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te hinganga o te whanaungatanga.

Ina mutu te whakaae a tētahi, me piko whakamuri te tangata kē kia pai ai te haere o ngā mahi. Tērā pea ka huri tēnei hei take o ngā whanaungatanga taha-kotahiHe whakaitiiti te kī he koretake tēnei āhuatanga. Whakahaerehia he aromatawai iti i roto i tōu mahunga – he ōrite te kaha o te whanaungatanga? Kei a kōrua ko tō hoa te wāhi ki te mahi i ngā mea e pai ana ki a kōrua? Kei roto rānei kōrua i te āhuatanga tōia-o-te-pakanga i ngā wā katoa?

Take Take matua: Ko te whakaae tahi te pūmau e pupuri ana i te whanaungatanga. Ka ngoikore te hanganga ina ka aro nui ngā tāngata tokorua ki a rātou anō.

12. Te uaua ki te muru hara

E kī ana a Jaseena, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te hinganga o tētahi whanaungatanga ko te uaua ki te muru i ngā hapa a tō hoa. Ka puta tēnei nā te mea ka ngaro tō aroha ki a rātou. Ka ngaro tō kaha ki te kite i ngā mea mai i tā rātou tirohanga, kāore rānei koe e whakaaro he mea nui, he mea tika rānei kia arohia e koe. Ina kore he mea ... te murunga hara i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ka tīmata koe ki te pupuri i te mauahara – ka ngokingoki haere te kawa, ā, ka puta te pouri nui.” Mena kei te raru koe ki te muru i te hara o tō hoa aroha, tera pea kua tīmata koe ki te riri ki a rātou.

Ka tere ake tō riri, ka tukuna ngā kōrero pōuri (ka ohorere hoki koe), ā, ka hono i ngā ira i waenga i ia pakanga. Me i mārama koe ki te uara o te murunga hara. E ai ki tā Martin Luther King Jr. i tuhituhi ai, "Ehara te murunga hara i te tikanga o te kore aro ki ngā mea kua mahia, te whakatakoto tapanga teka rānei mō tētahi mahi kino. Engari, ko tōna tikanga, kāore te mahi kino e noho hei arai ki te whanaungatanga. Ko te murunga hara he mea whakakorikori e hanga ana i te āhuarangi e tika ana mō tētahi tīmatanga hou me tētahi tīmatanga hou,"

Take Take matua: Ki te kore te murunga hara, ka taumaha te whanaungatanga i te mauahara me te amuamu. Kua tata te mutunga ina taimaha rawa te kawenga mō tētahi o ngā hoa.

Ā, kua tae tātou ki te mutunga o tā tātou rārangi o ngā tohu o te whanaungatanga ngoikore. Mena kei te mōhio koe ki ēnei tohu, kua waiho rānei hei whakaaroaro māu, he kōwhiringa whakaaro nui te rapu āwhina mai i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua hoki kaha ake i muri i te kōrero ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, ki tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei. I Bonobology, ka tukuna e mātou ngaioāwhina whakamutunga mā roto i tā mātou rōpū kaitohutohu raihana hei āwhina i a koe ki te tīmata i te ara whakaora. Kei konei tonu mātou hei tautoko i a koe.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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