Me pēhea te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia whakahihiri, kia whakamere hoki mō te wā roa

Ko te tauira whakaipoipo hou e tino anga atu ana ki te piripono rangitahi. He nui ake te anga atu o tātou katoa ki te urupare rere atu i te urupare whawhai. He tino ngahau, he whakahihiri hoki ngā ariā pēnei i te whakaipoipo noa, te moe tahi mō te pō kotahi, te kore here, me ētahi atu, engari he pānga kino ki te kaha o te whakapau kaha.

Kua rite tātou ki te hunga e pāngia ana e te adrenaline. Ina tīmata te memeha haere o te hihiri, ka tīmata tātou te wiri i ngā tohu o te tango i te moepuku. He aha mēnā ka whakaarohia e tātou me pēhea te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia whakahihiri, kia whakamere hoki mō te wā roa, kaua e oma atu?

Ko te whakahihiri i roto i ngā whanaungatanga i ahu mai i te kaha, ā, ko te whakapau kaha i ahu mai i te aroha. Ehara ianei i te mea koinei te take i manawanui ai kōrua tetahi ki tetahi mō tēnei wā roa? Mena ko koe tētahi o te hunga waimarie kua kitea he tangata e tika ana kia whawhaitia mōna engari kua ngaro te kaha o te wairua, anei tētahi aratohu mō te pupuri i te whakahihiri o te whanaungatanga.

14 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakahihiri i te Hononga

Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ko te mohio ko te taunga o taua kaha taketake ehara i te tohu kino. He maha ngā wā ka taea e koe te wehewehe i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine o te wā 'hīni ' me te hunga kua roa e noho ana i roto i taua wā. Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine roa te āhua nei he marino ake, kāore? Kua pahure ngā rā kāore e taea te wetewete i ō ringaringa tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore he whakakakahu hei miharo, kāore he pūrerehua, kāore he āniwaniwa, kāore hoki he rā.

Āe, ehara i te mea pōuri rawa engari, kua pakari ake te hononga o rāua. E ai ki tētahi rangahau i mahia i Te Whare Wānanga o Stony Brook, New York i te tau 2011, tera pea ka tino aroha tonu ki tētahi ahakoa kua maha ngā tau o te marena. E kī ana tēnei ka noho tonu te aroha me te harikoa i te wā e ngaro ana te āwangawanga. Nō reira, kāore anō kia ngaro te pakanga. Ka taea tonu e koe te whakahoki mai i te mura.

Nā te mea kua mahana ake kōrua, ā, kua titiro kē ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga i tētahi tirohanga hou, me tahuri tātou ki ngā mahi ngahau. Hei tīmatanga, me kōrero tātou me pēhea te whakakā i ngā miihini hei kawe i tō kōrua whanaungatanga ki te ao o te aroha.

1. Hei whakaoho anō i te harikoa i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, kia kitea anō ngā reo aroha o tētahi ki tētahi

He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kāore e aro ki te mārama ki te āhua o te aroha e pai ake ana ki tā rātou hoa – e kiia ana hoki ko tā rātou reo aroha. Mēnā kua tīmata te āhua o tō kōrua whanaungatanga ki te noho pūmau, ko tō kore mōhio ki ngā reo aroha pea te take. Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pono te mea nui i konei. Mēnā ka aro nui kōrua ki tēnei, ka whakakitea mai ētahi mea whakamiharo mō kōrua. Ehara i te mea ka hoatu e ēnei whakakitenga he tirohanga hou ki te whanaungatanga, engari ka āwhina hoki i a kōrua kia mārama ake tetahi ki tetahi.

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2. Tīmatahia he kōrero tuwhera

E ai ki te kōrero i mua ake nei, ka taea e te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i ngā whanaungatanga te whakatuwhera i ngā tatau maha kia hoki mai ai tō aroha. E mōhio ana koe ko te nuinga o ngā raruraru i roto i ngā whanaungatanga he pūtake mai i te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. He huarahi pai te tīmata i tētahi kōrero tuwhera hei whakakore i tēnei. Whakaritea he wā, ā, whakapaua kia 15 meneti pea te iti rawa ki te kōrero tahi me tō hoa.

Āta karohia ngā mea whakararuraru katoa, ā, whakapau kaha ki te noho tahi mō aua wā poto. Ka miharo koe ki te uaua o te āhua i te tīmatanga. Ka rite ki te whakaaroaro engari kaua e noho i roto i tō hinengaro, engari ka noho tahi kōrua ko tō hoa i roto i te kōrero. He mea nui kia kōrero kōrua i a kōrua e kōrero ana. Kia tūpato, ehara tēnei i te mea ngāwari pērā i te āhua. Heoi anō, koinei te whakautu tino pai ki te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia hihiri i te wā e noho tahi ana, e noho wehe ana rānei.

3. Kimihia ngā mea hei mahi tahi

Ko tētahi o ngā take e ngaro ai te mauri o ngā whanaungatanga ko te korenga o te wā kounga e noho tahi ana. I te roanga o te wā, ka ngāwari noa iho tātou tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka mutu te hoatu i te wā tika ki te whanaungatanga. Ka wareware tātou ki te meka e hiahia ana kia nui ake te kaha ki te pupuri i ngā whanaungatanga i tērā i te tīmatanga.

Ka tūtohu mātou kia hoki anō koe ki te mahi i ngā mea i pai ai kōrua ki te mahi tahi. Pērā i a Shelley rāua ko Dennis i whakaora anō i tā rāua marena mā te whiriwhiri ki te tākaro tēnehi hei mahi whakangahau i te awatea i te wāhanga tuawhā o te raupapa ataahua, Modern Love. Ko te taitara tika o te wāhanga ko 'Te Huihui hei pupuri i te kēmu kia ora' i a rāua e tīmata ana i tētahi haerenga piki ki te kimi anō i a rāua anō mā te mahi tahi i ngā mea iti.

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4. Kia piripono ki te tinana

I te tipu haere o te whanaungatanga i roto i te wā, ka warewarehia e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ngā mahi iti o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana. Ko te pupuri ringa, ko ngā awhi roa, mahana, ko ngā kihi rae, me ngā awhi – te āhua nei kāore e tino nui ana. Engari he mea nui tonu. E ai ki tētahi huinga rangahau hou i whakaputaina i roto i te puka Physiology & Behavior , he mea nui te pā kore-ira ki te whakamamae i te ahotea me te whakangā.

Tērā pea koe e whakaaro me pēhea te pupuri i te whanaungatanga tawhiti kia hihiri tonu mēnā he mea nui te whanaungatanga ā-tinana. Ehara i te mea ko te pā noa iho te whanaungatanga ā-tinana engari ko te rongo i te aroaro o tō hoa. Ka taea e ngā waea ataata auau me ngā hui i ētahi wā te whai hua mēnā he ōrite te whakapau kaha o ngā hoa e rua.

5. Haere tahi

Kāore he mea e whakaora ana i ngā wairua pērā i te haereere. Pērā i ngā reo aroha rerekē o tātou, he rerekē anō hoki ngā reo haereere o tātou katoa. E tino mōhio ana mātou kua maha ngā haerenga kua whakaritea e koe me tō hoa. Engari i muri i te haerenga, kua wātea koe? Kei te haere tonu koe i te haerenga, kei te whakamahere noa rānei koe, ā, kei te whakaroa?

Anei tā mātou tohutohu mō te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia hihiri. Me mārama koe ki te āhua o te haereere a tō hoa, kātahi ka whakataurite ki ō hiahia. Mēnā rānei, ka taea e kōrua te haereere i ia momo kāhua e pai ana ki a kōrua. Ko te whakaaro kia noho wātea, kia makona hoki kōrua ina haere tahi kōrua ki te tūhura i te ao.

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6. Teiti anō

Ko te huarahi pai ki te whakaora i te mura kua ngaro ko te hoki anō ki ngā wā tino pai. He aha te mea hei patu i te kare o taua wā honi? E mārama ana mātou kāore ngā pūrerehua i roto i tō puku e rere pērā i mua, engari koinā te kaupapa nui.

Hei tā te kī, ka tīmata mā te whakamahara anō i tō kōrua rā tuatahi . Ka whakakakahu kōrua, ka mahi i ngā mea katoa pērā i ō mua. I te wāhi kotahi, i te wā kotahi, tae atu ki ngā kākahu kotahi. Whakaarohia te nui o te ngahau ki te haere tahi i te ara o te maumahara. Whakamaumahara tetahi ki tetahi ki te wāhi i tīmata ai, me te aha i aroha ai kōrua ki tēnei tangata. Ā, me waiho ngā rā hei wāhanga auau o tō kōrua oranga tahi.

E ai ki tētahi rangahau i roto i te Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , mā te haere ki ngā wā whakahihiri ka whakatairanga i te piripono me te whakawhānui i a koe anō i roto i ngā whanaungatanga kua whakapumautia. Me te pūtaiao hei tautoko i a koe, me haere tonu!

7. Me pēhea te pupuri i te whakahihiri o te whanaungatanga i runga i te tuhinga? Whakamahia te mana o ngā kupu, kia rite ki te tikanga

Kei te maumahara koe ki te āhua o te karere kuputuhi mai i tētahi tangata motuhake i meinga ai tō ngākau kia menemene? Mēnā rānei he pānui reta, he kāri rānei mā te hunga tawhito? I roto i te wā, ka huri ngā karere kuputuhi ātaahua, whakahihiri, me te whakakatakata hei rārangi hoko kai me ngā rārangi kōrero whaimana. Kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia hihiri, kaua e tuku karere kuputuhi?

Kia whakahokia mai taua makutu. He puehu pīrori ngā kupu, whakamahia! Mā te tuku karere māmā ki tō hoa e kī ana "E hika mā, i te taraiwa ahau ki te mahi, ka puta ake tā māua waiata, ā, ka mahara ahau ki a koe. Aroha ana ahau ki a koe!" ka whakatika i ētahi o ō raruraru. He tohutohu pai tēnā mō te pupuri i te whanaungatanga whakamere mō te kotiro, te tama rānei.

8. Hoki atu ki te miharo tetahi ki tetahi

E mōhio ana koe he aha ngā ohorere ataahua e pā mai ana ki a tātou katoa? Nā te mea he tohu aroha me te manaaki. Ina pā mai he ua ohorere o ēnei taonga ki a tātou, ka rite te ngākau ki te mea nō reira tātou. I ētahi wā, ka ngoikore haere tātou i ēnei mahi i te roanga o te wā.

Me hoatu he tauira ki a koe. Ki te mea kei te hiahia koe ki te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia whakamere ki tētahi tāne, anei te huarahi e taea ai e tētahi ohorere ngāwari te whakapaipai i tōna rā. Me kī atu ka toro atu koe ki tana wāhi mahi, ka kawe mai i tana kawhe tino pai ki a ia i te wā e okioki ana ia i tana kawhe. Whakaarohia te harikoa o ia mēnā ka haria atu ia e koe i tana mahi pukumahi, ahakoa he meneti torutoru noa iho.

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9. Puta atu i ō rohe whakamarie

He uaua tēnei. Engari i runga i ngā ōwehenga mōrearea me ngā ōwehenga utu, tera pea ka whai mana tēnei hei whakaoho anō i tō aroha. I tae atu a Mike, he kaihoko rongonui rongonui i LA, ki te tatau o tana hoa a Donna i tētahi Rāhoroi, ā, ka haria ia e ia ki Vegas. E kī ana ia, "I whakaaro tonu māua ki te haere i tētahi haerenga ohorere engari kāore i tae mai nā te pukumahi o ā māua kaupapa tae noa ki te wā i makona ai ahau i te hoha. Koinei te wā pai rawa atu i noho tahi ai māua i roto i ngā tau. I kitea e māua me pēhea te pupuri i te whanaungatanga kia whakamere - mā te puta atu i tō māua rohe whakamarie."

Nō reira, whakamaherehia ngā mea kāore e mahia ana e koe i te nuinga o te wā. Tērā pea he mea e mahia ana e tō hoa engari kāore koe e haere tahi me ia, pērā i te oma i te ata. Tērā pea he mea kāore kōrua i whakaaro ka mahia e kōrua, pērā i te whakauru atu ki tētahi awheawhe salsa.

10. Kōrerotia ki a rātou tō rātou tikanga ki a koe

Ina roa koe e noho tahi ana, ka whakaaro koe e mōhio ana ō hoa e aroha ana koe ki a rātou. Kāore mātou e kite i te take o te whakamahara atu ki a rātou i te nui o tō rātou aroha. Ka mea pea koe, "Kāore i te mārama, kua tekau tau tātou e noho tahi ana." Engari koinei te take o te mura e memeha haere ana.

Me pēhea te pupuri i te hihiri o te whanaungatanga? Ko te whakakaha pai te mea nui. Pērā i te hiahia o ō tātou tinana ki te kai totika kia pai ai te mahi, me whakakaha tonu hoki ō tātou whanaungatanga. Kāore e taea te kī kāore koe e hiahia ki te kai i tēnei rā nā te mea i kai koe i te wiki kua taha ake nei, tika? Ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, kōrero atu ki a rātou ! Kōrero atu ki tō hoa rangatira te nui o tōna hiranga ki a koe, me ngā āhuatanga o rātou e aroha ai koe ki a rātou ahakoa kua pahure ēnei tau katoa.

11. Me pēhea te whakahou i tō whanaungatanga? Whakanuia te moepuku

He mea nui te kukume tinana i roto i te nuinga o ngā whanaungatanga. Ko te ngaro haere o te whanaungatanga ā-tinana tētahi o ngā tohu tuatahi e hiahia ana kia whakahoutia tō whanaungatanga. He mea tino kitea tēnei i roto i ngā whanaungatanga roa. Ka piri tonu ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki ā rātou tikanga kua whakamatauria, ā, i te mutunga, ka hoha te taatai.

Whakanuia te moepuku, e te iwi. Ko te tikanga he mea hei kawe mai i te harikoa, te whakahihiri, me te whai hua. Whakamātauria ngā mea hou. He maha ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakakoi i ngā mea i roto i te rūma moe. Nō reira, kaua e kai i te vanilla, engari whakamātauria te tiakarete, te pihikete me te kirīmi, ngā nati Amerikana rānei.

12. He hoa pai kōrua?

Ko tātou te hunga tino whakamarie ki te noho tahi me ō tātou hoa tata. Ko te hoa aroha tino pai ko te hoa pai e hono atu ai tātou ki a ia i te taumata tinana, kare ā-roto, me te hinengaro. Whakaarohia, ehara i te mea koinei te take i whiriwhiri ai koe kia noho tahi me tō hoa i te tuatahi?

Pātai atu ki a koe anō, kei te whakaaro tonu kōrua he hoa pai rawa atu? Mena he iti noa te ruarua, me aro tonu koe ki tēnā. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te noho i tō oranga me te kore he katakata, he whakaae katoa, me te ngahau noa iho o te whakahoahoa, e tika ana? Ka taea tonu te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga hoha mena ko tō hoa rangatira tō hoa pai.

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13. Murua tō hoa

Kāore mātou e kī ana ko tō hoa te he mō te ngoikore o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ko tā mātou e kī nei, he maha ngā wā ka tanumia e tātou ngā take iti hei karo i ngā pakanga koretake. Ina waihotia kia kore e tirohia, ka kohikohi ēnei kohatu ririki hei toka nui e tūkino ana i te whanaungatanga. Ka tīmata tātou te wehe atu i a tātou i ō tātou hoa, kāore i te mōhio.

Nō reira, ka tūtohu mātou kia kitea e koe i roto i tō ngākau, kia murua hoki tō hoa aroha. Ka taea hoki e koe te rapu āwhina ngaio. He mea nui kia kitea e koe ngā pakaru. I a koe e aro ana ki ēnei pakaru, e tango ana hoki i aua pakaru, ka taea e koe te waihanga i tētahi wāhi hei whakatipu noa i tō aroha ki tō hoa.

14. Whakapaua he wā wehe

I ētahi wā, ina kore he mahi kē atu e whai hua ana, he pai ake kia mutu tātou, kia āta haere. Kua pōhēhē koe? Ko tā mātou e kī nei, i ētahi wā ka nui rawa tā tātou ngana, engari kāore te āhua e pai ake ana, e kino ake ana rānei. I tēnei wā, he pai ake kia okioki i te nganatanga, kia hoki whakamuri. Koinei te wāhi e whai hua ai te mana o te wehe. Ka taea e te wā wehe i roto i te whanaungatanga te mahi whakamiharo i ētahi wā.

Mā te wā e noho wehe ana kōrua ka āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai i tō āhua o nāianei, ki te titiro ki tō hoa me tō whanaungatanga i roto i tētahi tirohanga hou, ki te whakaaro ki ngā rautaki i whakamahia e koe, me te kimi huarahi pai ake hei whakapai ake i ngā mea. Koinei pea te whakautu uaua ki te pupuri i te hihiri o te whanaungatanga.

He mahi tonu te pupuri i te hauora me te puāwai o te whanaungatanga. Pērā i a tātou katoa e whanake ana i te roanga o te wā, ka pērā anō hoki ō tātou whanaungatanga. Ko te tino take, ki te whakapau kaha ngā hoa mahi ki te taha hinengaro, te taha tinana, me te taha hinengaro, ahakoa te wāhanga whanaketanga o tō whanaungatanga, ka toa tonu kōrua.

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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