Me pēhea te whakatika i muri i te whawhai

He wheako whakamiharo te hononga anō i muri i te pakanga. Whakawhirinaki mai ki a mātou. Ka taea e te pakanga te hono tata i te tokorua. He mana nui ngā kihi me ngā awhi me ngā whakapāha i muri i te pakanga ki te whakau i te whanaungatanga. Koia te mea nui kia whakaaroarohia me pēhea te houhanga rongo i muri i te pakanga. Ko te āhua o te houhanga rongo i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa tāne, ki tō hoa wahine rānei, e whakaatu ana i te huarahi e hiahia ana koe kia whanake ai tō whanaungatanga. 

Ka tawhiti atu ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine i muri i te pakanga. Ko ētahi ka pōuri mō ngā rā, ā, ko ētahi ka wehe atu ki te kimi i te whakamarie i te hamama me te totohe. Ahakoa he rerekē te urupare a ia tangata ki tētahi pakanga kino ki tā rātou hoa rangatira, ko te mea pono he mea kore e taea te karo i ngā pakanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Engari ko te āhua o tāu hohou rongo i muri i te pakanga ka tino whakatau i te ahunga o tō whanaungatanga i muri i te pakanga. I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka matapakihia e mātou ngā huarahi auaha hei hohou rongo i muri i te pakanga ki tō hoa.

Me pēhea te whakatika i te raruraru i muri i te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga

Kia pono tātou, he hononga kei waenganui i ngā tāngata e rua kua tipu ake me ngā uara me ngā hinengaro rerekē, nō reira, kāore e taea te karo i ngā pakanga. Ehara i te mea ka whawhai kōrua i ia rā, i ia rā mō ngā mea tino iti, engari i ētahi wā, tera pea ka piki ake ngā tautohetohe hei pakanga nui. Koinā te wā. te tūhono anō i muri i te pakanga nui ka tino hira, ā, he mea nui te āhua o tāu mahi i taua mea.

Me pēhea te whakatika i te raruraru i muri i te pakanga? He aha ngā mahi a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i muri i te pakanga? Me pēhea te whakahari i tāu hoa wahine i muri i te pakanga? Me pēhea te whakatika i te raruraru i muri i te pakanga ki tāu hoa tāne? Ki te whakaaro koe ko te tuku whakapāha ki te rangi me te tumanako ka memeha tō hoa te huarahi tika ki te whakatika i te raruraru i muri i te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, kei te hē koe e hoa. Me whakapau kaha ki te hono anō i muri i te pakanga, ā, me pānui tonu pea koe kia ako ai koe me pēhea te whakahaere i tēnei āhuatanga. Hei kimi me pēhea te hoki ki te āhua noa i muri i te pakanga, whai i ēnei mahi:

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1. Ngā huarahi hei whakamarie i muri i te whawhai – Te moe tāne me te wahine

Ko te mea tino nui tēnei, kāore e kore. Mēnā i whawhai kino kōrua i te pō i mua atu, hoatu he wā ki a kōrua kia marino, ā, muri iho ka moe tahi kōrua me te whakapaipai. Ko te mea whakamiharo, tera pea he pai ake te moe tahi i te moe tahi werawera, taumaha hoki i mahia e kōrua i te kīhini i tētahi atu ata. Mā te riri me te taumahatanga ka puta ake tō taha ngoikore, ka taea ai te noho pai i runga i te moenga.

Ko te moe tahi me te whakapaipai tetahi o ngā huarahi tino aroha ki te whakamarie i muri i te pakanga. Heoi anō, mā te piripono ki tō hoa i muri i te pakanga ka āwhina i a koe ki te karo i ngā tautohetohe. Ka whakatata atu kōrua, ā, ka whakakaha i to whanaungatangaKo wai ka mōhio ko te otinga mō te rapu huarahi hei whakamarie i te riri i muri i te whawhai ko te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi kaupapa moepuku pai?

I kōrero a Rosy, he kaipānui nō Beaufort, ki a Bonobology i tana pakanga nui tuatahi me tana tāne i te pō o tana marena, ā, i a rāua e tautohetohe ana, ka whakamutua e ia tana kōrero mā te kihi kaha i a ia. Ka taea e koe te whakaaro he aha te mea i whai ake i tētahi kihi aroha. I muri i te 10 tau o te marena, e kī ana ia kei te maumahara tonu ia ki te huarahi i houhia ai te rongo engari kua wareware ia ki tā rāua i tautohetohe ai. Whakapono mai ki a mātou, kua oti? Whakamātauria mēnā e whakapono ana koe. Ka nui ake te aroha o tō hoa ki a koe i muri i te pakanga.

2. Ka kata tahi

Mena he rerekē ngā hiahia o kōrua ki te whawhai, ko te whiriwhiri tahi me tō hoa te huarahi tino whai hua hei whakatau i te taumahatanga. Mena kei te pirangi ia ki te mātaki i tētahi whakataetae kirikiti i te Rātapu i a koe e hiahia ana ki te mātaki kiriata, me tūtaki ki tō hoa i waenganui. Pērā ai, ka taea e koe te karo i tētahi tautohetohe iti noa e huri hei pakanga werawera. tautohe whanaungatangaKia mutu te taumahatanga, ngana ki te whakamārama i te āhuatanga mā te whakakatakata.

He aha te mahi a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i muri i te pakanga, e pātai ana koe? Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi auaha ki te whakamarie i te wairua i muri i te pakanga ko te kata tahi pea. Ko te nuinga o ngā pakanga ka puta mō ngā take iti noa iho. Ki te taea e koe te whakamahi i te mana o te whakakatakata ki te kata ki a koe anō, me te mōhio ki te kuware o āu mahi, ka tino āwhina i a koe ki te hono anō i te wairua i muri i te pakanga.

Ki te mea kei te pātai koe ki a koe anō "Āe, me pēhea taku whakamarie i a kōrua ko taku hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga?" me "Me pēhea e koa ai tāu hoa wahine i muri i te pakanga?", he ngāwari noa iho te hanga i tētahi katakata whakarihariha, te tuku atu rānei i tētahi meme rorirori ki a rātou mēnā kei te rapu huarahi koe ki te whakamarie i a koe i muri i te pakanga mā te tuhinga. He huarahi pai te whakamama i te āhuatanga hei whakamahara i a koe anō kei te riri noa koe, ā, me neke atu pea koe i te tautohetohe.

3. Kōrerotia ngā kupu makutu e toru, ā, ehara i te mea ko "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe"

"Aroha mai ahau"He mea nui te mahi a te kupu '" ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Heoi, kāore pea koe e pai ki te kī pinepine i tēnei, me te kī he pouri koe, ā, ehara i te mea he toa noa iho engari ko te huarahi pai hoki ki te whakaiti i te whakaaro kino i muri i te tautohetohe. Nā te mea kāore tetahi o kōrua e tika i ngā wā katoa, ko te whakaae ki ō hapa te taahiraa tuatahi me te tino whai hua ki te hanga whanaungatanga hauora. Ka taea hoki e koe te hoatu ki tō hoa tetahi o aua koha pouri hei whakamarie i muri i te pakanga.

Kia mārama koe, ko te whakapāha me te mōhio ki ō mahi he mea whakahihiri i ēnei rā. Ina koa mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te houhia te rongo i muri i tētahi pakanga i roto i tētahi hononga tawhiti, ko te kī whakapāha te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe te mahi. I roto i ngā whanaungatanga LDR, ko ō kupu te mea e mahi ana māu, ā, me pono, me pono hoki koe ki tō hoa kia taea ai e rātou te whakawhirinaki me te aroha ki a koe. Ki te rapu huarahi koe ki te houhia te rongo i muri i tētahi pakanga, e mōhio ana koe ki tāu e mahi ai.

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4. Tukua he karere kuputuhi ki a rātou anō

E kōrero ana a Ruby mō te kotahi karere kuputuhi mai i tana hoa rangatira i taea ai te whakatau i tētahi o ngā pakanga tino kino rawa atu i roto i tō rāua whanaungatanga. E mahara ana ia i uru rāua ki tētahi tautohe werawera i te tēpu parakuihi. Kātahi, i a rāua e mahi tahi ana, ka haere tonu te pakanga mō te karere kuputuhi. I te wā tonu, i a Ruby e pato puku ana i tētahi karere hei whakamāmā i te hinengaro o tana hoa rangatira, ka tae mai tētahi karere kuputuhi mai i a ia e mea ana, "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe. Waiho atu. Kāore e tika ana."

I pā mai te kare ā-roto ohorere ki a ia, ā, ka tino aroha ia ki a ia nā te mea i whakanuia e ia tō rāua aroha i runga i tētahi pakanga iti noa iho. I mukua e Ruby ngā mea katoa i patohia e ia, ā, i tuhituhi kē ia, "Kei te hiahia ahau ki te kawe i a koe ki te tina i tēnei rā." Ka kite koe he aha te whakaaro pai kia houhia te rongo i muri i tētahi pakanga mā te karere kuputuhi. Ko tētahi o ngā huarahi tino aroha ki te kia harikoa tāu kotiro i muri i tētahi whawhai, ka nui atu rānei te aroha o tō hoa tāne ki a koe.

He wā anō ka taea e koe te whakatau i ngā mea mā te tuku karere kuputuhi, kāore pea e taea e koe te mahi i roto i ō taunekeneke kanohi ki te kanohi. Mā te kī i ngā mea tika i te wā e tuku karere kuputuhi ana i muri i te pakanga ka whakamarie i te āhua. He painga anō te tuku i tētahi emoji reka, i tētahi GIF rānei, ka whiwhi koe i ngā tohu parauri. Nō reira, whakamahia te mana o te tuku karere ki te hono anō i muri i te pakanga.

5. Me pēhea te houhanga rongo i muri i te whawhai? Tukua kia mātao rātou

Tērā ētahi wā kāore he tikanga o te moe tahi me te whakaipoipo, te whiriwhiri, te kata, te whakapāha rānei mēnā kei te noho puku tonu tētahi o kōrua mō te take. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ko te hoatu i tētahi wā ki tō hoa kia marino te huarahi pai ki te mahi mēnā e hiahia ana koe. whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga te ara tika. Hoatu he wā ki a rātou ki te tukatuka i ō rātou whakaaro, me te whakamārama i ō rātou hinengaro i mua i te kawe mai i tētahi whakahere mo te rangimārie.

I ētahi wā, hei whakatau i te raru i muri i te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, me tuku noa te tangata kē atu kia noho mō tētahi wā. Mā te tuku wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga i muri i te pakanga ka āwhina i tō hoa ki te whakamatao i a ia anō. Tērā pea he ahua kino, ā, me oma noa atu koe ki a rātou ki te kōrero i ngā mea. Engari i ētahi wā, mā te wā wehe koe e whakaora. Whakaarohia te hoatu i tētahi wā ki a rātou me koe anō kia kitea ai ngā mea i roto i te tirohanga whānui. Ka hoki mai kōrua me te whakaaro mārire, e oati ana mātou.

6. Hoatu he wāhi ki tō hoa kia hoki anō ki te āhua noa i muri i te pakanga

Ka riri ētahi tāngata, kātahi ka marino i roto i ngā meneti ruarua, ko ētahi ia kāore e ngawari te marino, engari ki te pērā, tera pea ka roa te wā e marino ai. Koinei te wā e hiahia ana rātou ki tō rātou ake wāhi. Hoatu ki a rātou. Kaua e whakatoi tonu i a rātou mā te patuki i te tatau me te tuku tonu i ngā whakahere rangimārie. Mena kei te mahi rātou, kāore rānei i te kāinga, kaua e tuku karere kuputuhi tonu me te pātai mena kei te pai rātou.

Me pēhea te hohou i te rongo i muri i te pakanga, ko te waiho noa i a rātou kia pena. te wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga He mea whakamiharo te mahi a muri i te pakanga, whakawhirinaki mai ki a mātou. Me mārama koe me whai wāhi tō hoa ki te hoki ki tōna āhua o mua. He mahi hē te akiaki i a ia kia menemene, kia kihi i a koe i tēnei wā. Tukua noa rātou. Ka hoki mai rātou ina rite rātou.

7. He mea whakamiharo te mahi a te kapu

He tino mea ātaahua tēnei mā tō hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga. He pono, koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi tino aroha ki te whakamarie i te wairua i muri i te pakanga. He inu wera tēnei, engari he tino āwhina i a koe ki te whakamatao me te whakaaro tika. Ka taea e koe te hanga i te kāinga, he pai ake rānei te haere ki te toa kawhe tata, ki tō toa kawhe tino pai rānei.

Hangaia tētahi māna, kātahi ka oma atu ki te tiki i tana ota tino pai mai i Starbucks. Tāpirihia ētahi pihikete tiakarete ki te ranunga, ā, i waenganui o te kapu, tera pea ka wareware koe ki te take o te tautohe. Me pēhea te houhanga rongo ki taku hoa tāne i muri i te whawhai, e pātai ana koe? Totorohia he manga oriwa ki runga i te kapu kawhe. Ka taea hoki e koe te tiki i tētahi kapu kawhe ātaahua māna – ko tētahi o ngā koha tino whakaaro nui hei koha houhanga rongo i muri i te whawhai.

8. Kimihia te pūtake o te take

Ko te rapu i te pūtake o te raruraru tētahi o ngā tohutohu nui mō te whakatikatika i muri i te pakanga. I ētahi wā, ko te āhua o te raruraru he mea kuware noa iho, ka nui ake pea ngā pānga. Mena he raruraru tō hoa rangatira ki a koe e mātakitaki ana i te pouaka whakaata i te pō katoa, tera pea e hiahia ana ia ki te aro atu i a koe. Mena ka amuamu ia mō te utu i ngā pire i ia wā e hokohoko ana koe, tera pea ko āu hoko nui rawa te mea e whakararuraru ana i a rātou. Kāore rātou i te whai i tētahi kaupapa whakahē hokohoko, engari, mehemea i hokona e koe he mea iti ake te utu, tera pea kua harikoa ake rātou.

Tērā pea kei te tohe tonu ia ki a koe mō te mahi i ngā mahi o te whare, engari ko te mea pono, ko tana hiahia kia maioha ia mō āna mahi mā te whānau i te rā katoa. Nō reira, kaua e tautohetohe, e hamama, e whawhai mō ēnei take, engari me titiro hōhonu atu, kia whakatauria te raruraru. He huarahi pai te whakaaroaro hōhonu me te kimi otinga hei hono anō i muri i te pakanga. Ka nui ake hoki tōna aroha ki a koe i muri i te pakanga, ka nui ake rānei tōna maioha ki a koe mō tō whakaaro nui.

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9. Kaua e wehi ki te hoki ki te kaupapa

Me pēhea te hoki ki te āhua noa i muri i te pakanga? Ko ētahi o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he nui rawa te hiahia ki te whakahoki i te āhua noa o te whanaungatanga, ā, ka mataku rātou ki te hoki ki te kaupapa i puta ai te tautohetohe i te tuatahi. Ka whakapāha rātou, ka huna i te raruraru, ka ngana ki te neke atu, me te kore e mōhio he rite te raruraru kāore anō kia whakatauhia ki tētahi patunga i roto i te whanaungatanga kāore anō kia ora.

E kore e kore ka ara ake tōna mahunga kino pērā i te taniwha i roto i ētahi marama. Ko ō mahi katoa o mua ki te rapu huarahi hei whakamarie i muri i te pakanga ka kore e whai hua, nā te mea ka puta noa mai te raruraru i te wā kāore koe i whakaaro, ā, ka mau tonu te pakanga kotahi. He huarahi pai ki te hono anō i muri i te pakanga ko te hoki ki te kaupapa i tīmata ai te pakanga. Ki te karo koe i taua pakanga, e kore koe e haere ki hea.

Kōrerohia. Kāore pea e taea e koe whakatau i te raruraru tonu, engari he taahiraa tuatahi pai te tīmata i tētahi kōrero mārire. Ehara i te mea ko tētahi o ngā huarahi auaha ki te whakamarie i muri i tētahi pakanga, e mōhio ana mātou he mea hoha, he roa hoki tēnei e hiahia ana koe ki te karo. Engari me mahi koe i tēnei hei painga mō tō whanaungatanga.

10. Whakaaetia mēnā he hē tāu ki te whakahou i te riri i muri i te whawhai

He tino āwhina tēnei i te tokorua ki te hono anō i muri i tētahi pakanga nui. Hei whakamarie i muri i tētahi pakanga ki tā rātou hoa, he maha ngā wā ka whakapāha te tangata engari kāore i te hiahia tonu rātou ki te whakaae i hē rātou, ā, ka whakamahi i taua mahi hei ngana ki te whakapai ake i te heke mai. Ngāna kia ruku hohonu ki roto i a koe anō, kia kitea ai te wāhi e hē ana koe. He aha tāu mahi i tīmata ai te pakanga, i haere tonu ai te taurite kupu?

Ki te mea kei a koe te kaha ki te mōhio ki te wāhi i hē ai koe, kāore he kino o te whakaae ki tēnā. Kia poto, kaua e aro nui ki ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe engari ki te aroha e tohaina ana e kōrua. He wā poto te riri, he wā tonu te aroha. He tino āwhina tēnei mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi hononga tawhiti.

Ahakoa he huarahi hei whakahari i tāu tamahine, ka kitea rānei e koe ngā mea ātaahua hei mahi mā tāu hoa tāne i muri i te pakanga pēnei i te miharo ki tāu tāne Ahakoa he kanohi ki te kanohi me ngā putiputi, he tono rānei i tāna kai tino pai ka tukuna atu ki tōna whare, kāore he mea hei reka atu i te whakapāha ngākau nui me te oati kia pai ake ā muri ake nei.

Mai i te whakapāha ngākau nui ki te kata me te kōrero pono mō ō raruraru, he maha ngā huarahi hei whakamarie i te raruraru i muri i te pakanga. Kōwhiria te huarahi e tika ana, i runga i te āhua o tō whanaungatanga me te kaha o te raruraru kei mua i a koe, ā, ka taea e koe te wikitoria i te taumahatanga me te koretake. He aha ētahi tinihanga motuhake hei āwhina i te whakamarie i te raruraru i muri i te pakanga e whakamahia ana e koe me tō hoa rangatira? Kōrero mai ki a mātou i te wāhanga kōrero i raro nei.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.