Mena kei te pouri tō hoa tāne, kei te pāngia rānei e te raruraru, e mōhio ana mātou ka tino pāngia koe e tēnei āhuatanga. Tērā pea he nui te wā e pau ana i a koe ki te manukanuka ki a ia, me te ngana ki te whakahaere i ngā mea māna. Me whakarite kia matara atu ia i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i a ia, kia kore ai ia e pāngia e ngā wā nui, me te ārai tonu i ō whanonga kia kore ai ia e pouri – he kawenga nui te whai hoa tāne pouri i runga i ō pakihiwi.
Mā te ataata maia me te tirohanga hihiri, ka taea e koe te whakahihiko i tōna wairua i ngā wā katoa e taea ana e koe. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te aroha ki tētahi e pouri ana, te āwhina rānei i tētahi hoa tāne e pouri ana. Ka pā kino anō hoki te ahotea o te kore oranga o tō hoa aroha ki tō hauora hinengaro.
Engari, ehara i te mea me whakarērea, me whakarērea rānei. He arai tonu kei roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ko tētahi noa iho tēnei o aua arai. Ki te tino aroha koe ki a ia, ka tono tō ngākau kia noho tonu koe, kia noho hei hoa wahine pai rawa atu māna.
Engari ki te mea kei te pātai koe 'E aroha nui ana ahau ki a ia engari kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te āwhina i taku hoa tāne e pouri ana', kāti ka mutu ō āwangawanga i konei. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te rapu huarahi hei āwhina i tō hoa tāne i roto i tēnei āhuatanga, me ngā whakaaro mai i te tohunga hinengaro. Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT me te kaunihera mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine.
Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei te pouri tō hoa tāne?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
He āhuatanga uaua te pouri. He uaua ki te kite i roto i ētahi tāngata, engari he kaha rawa, he mārama hoki i roto i ētahi atu. Heoi, i te nuinga o te wā, he uaua ki te tautuhi i te tino pūtake o te pouri. Nā te āhua koretake o tēnei āhuatanga, he uaua te tautuhi me te wikitoria i te pouri mō tō hoa tāne, mōu anō hoki.
Nō reira, i mua i tō karanga, "Kei te pouri taku hoa tāne, ā, e kore rawa ana ahau e āwhina", me tirotiro tātou i ēnei tohu hei whakatau mēnā kei te pouri tonu ia. He rerekē te āhua o te pouri mō ia tangata, mō ia tangata, engari anei ētahi tohu me ngā tohu nui e puta ana i te nuinga o te tangata ina tīmata te pouri.
Te pānui e pā ana: 10 Ngā Tohu Pōuri Engari Pono e Kāore e Taea e Ia te Aroha
1. Nga raruraru moe
Mena kei te pāngia tō hoa tāne e ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro, tera pea ka kite koe i ngā huringa o tana tauira moe. Kāore e hiahiatia he huringa nui engari ka pōturi pea tana moe, ka tino ngenge ia. nandita e mea mai ana ki a tātou, "Ka kite koe kei te nui rawa te moe o te tangata, kāore rānei i te nui rawa."
Ko te moe wawe rawa i ētahi rā, ko te noho ara i te pō i ētahi rā, ko te moe roa rawa rānei tae noa ki te ahiahi, he tohu ēnei hei whakaatu kei te pāngia pea ia e te mate. Mā te whakamātau i te wero ngira hei āwhina i te whakakore i ōna āwangawanga me ōna manukanuka, heoi anō, tera pea ka pāngia tonu ia e ngā moemoeā kino me te huringa moe kino.
2. Kua heke te puku ira tangata
Ki te mea kei te pouri tō hoa tāne, tērā pea kāore ia e tīmata i te moe tāne, kāore hoki e hiahia ki te mahi tahi me koe pērā i mua. Tērā pea kāore he pānga o tēnei ki a koe, ki tōna aroha rānei ki a koe. He take noa iho tēnei nō te hekenga o te hiahia moe tāne i puta mai i te pouri.
E mea ana a Nandita ki a tātou, "Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu ka kitea nuitia atu i ētahi atu. Kāore te tangata e tino hiahia ki te moepuku pērā i mua, ā, ka kite koe e heke ana tōna hiahia moepuku." Kua pau rawa ōna kaha i te whawhai i ia rā, ā, kāore pea ia e kitea te hihiri mō te moepuku. Heoi anō, tera pea ka waiho te ahuareka hei ariā tawhiti atu ki a ia, ā, kāore pea ia e taea te hopu i taua mea pērā i mua.
3. Te iti haere o te harikoa i roto i ngā mea i pai ai rātou i mua
Ko tētahi o ngā tohu nui rawa atu, me te tino kitea o te pouri, ko te wā ka mutu pea te noho ko ia tonu tō hoa tāne. Mēnā i pai ia ki te hikoi i mua, tērā pea ka kite koe kāore ia e mahi i tēnā mahi i muri i te tīmatanga o te pouri. Ko ngā wā harikoa iti, e arohaina ana hoki o te ao ka kore noa iho he painga ki te tangata pouri. Tērā pea ka maturuturu iho tēnei ki a koe, ka puta ai te hoha i roto i tō whanaungatangaKāore ō rātou kare ā-roto o te tumanako e āhei ai rātou ki te pārekareka ki tetahi mea i ēnei rā.
4. Ngā whanonga ohorere kino
He maha ngā wā ka kitea he panoni nui o ngā whanonga o ngā tāne e pāngia ana e te pouri mā te whai i ngā tikanga kino. Tērā pea ka tīmata rātou ki te inu nui rawa, ā, i ngā hāora hē. Tērā pea ka whanake ētahi atu tikanga pērā i te petipeti, te taraiwa pōrangi rānei. E kī ana a Nandita, "Ahakoa ngā tikanga kai, ka taea te tino rerekē. He mea noa te kai nui rawa i te wā e pouri ana, ka kite rānei koe kāore rawa ia e hiahia ki te kai."
5. Te whakaiti i te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō me te whakahē tonu
Ina pouri tō hoa tāne, tera pea ka ngaro tōna whakapono ki a ia anō, ā, ka kino tana titiro ki a ia anō. He maha ngā wā ka puta te pouri i te whakaaro kino ki a ia anō, ā, ka mau pea te tangata i roto i te huringa o tēnei whakaiti i te whakaute ki a ia anō. E kī ana a Nandita, "Ka kite koe i tō hoa tāne e kōrero kino ana mōna ake, mō ētahi atu rānei. Tērā pea ka nui ake tōna whakahē mō te ao whānui."
Nā te pouri, ka nui ake te whakaaro o te tangata he koretake ia, he koretake, he kore pūkenga. Tērā pea ka akiaki ia i a ia ki te whakamahi kupu kino mōna ake, ki te mahi kino rānei i ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te ao, me te whakahē tonu i ētahi atu mea i roto i te tukanga.
Te pānui e pā ana: He aha ngā mea hei tumanako atu ina aroha koe ki tētahi tāne he iti te whakaaro ki a ia anō
8 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Pōuri Tō Hoa Tāne
He hua noa te manukanuka i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ina pouri tetahi o ngā hoa. Haunga tēnā, ehara i te mea he āhuatanga e tika ana kia māmā noa iho, nā te mea tatauranga e kī ana e tata ana ki te 50% o ngā take whakamomori i te US e hono ana ki te pouri. Nō reira, he mea maori pea ka kitea e koe te manukanuka mō te oranga o tō hoa tāne me te heke mai o tō whanaungatanga.
Tērā pea ka ngana koe ki te whakaoho i tō hoa tāne, me te ārahi i a ia i roto i tēnei wā uaua kia pai ake ai tōna wairua. Me noho koe, me noho tonu, me pupuri i tōna ringa, ā, me tuku tonu ia kia hoki mai ki a koe. Kia kore ai ō mahi e maumauria, kia taea ai hoki e koe te āwhina i tō hoa tāne kia ora i tēnei wā uaua, anei ētahi mea e waru me mahi e koe hei āwhina i te hoa tāne e pouri ana.
1. Āwhina i tō hoa tāne e pouri ana mā te whakaatu ki a ia he tangata tika ia
I whakapae a Kris Tarnowski, he kaiako kanikani i te kura tuarua o tōna tāone, kei te pouri tana hoa tāne, ā, i mea ia, "Kei te pouri taku hoa tāne engari kāore ia e whiwhi āwhina. Kei te whakapau kaha ahau ki te whakatenatena i a ia kia haere ki te rongoā hinengaro engari kāore ia e nekeneke, e whakaae rānei ki te raruraru. Koia ahau i tango ai i te kawenga ki te whakaatu ki a ia he tangata tika ia, he pai ake hoki i tana e whakaaro nei ko ia."
Ko te whakaaro korekore he tohu nui o tēnei mate. Hei whakaora me te hanga i tōna ahua, me whakamana tonu ia e koe mā te whakamahi i ngā kupu atawhai me ngā kupu whakatenatena. Ko te tuku mihi me te hoko i tētahi mea hou māna ētahi o ngā mahi iti ka taea e koe te whakamātau.
Ki te pouri tō hoa tāne, me kī atu koe ki a ia kei te whakaaro tonu koe he tika tonu ia kia arohaina ināianei, nui atu i mua. Kaua e karo, e wareware rānei i a ia, engari whakakitea ki a ia e aroha ana koeKoinei te wā hei hoatu ki a ia te aroha katoa e taea e koe, me te mahi hoki i taua mea me te ngākau atawhai.
2. Kaua e whakanui rawa i a ia me ō āwangawanga
Ki te pouri tō hoa tāne, kāore pea ia e hiahia kia horapa atu ngā āwangawanga me ngā pōuri o tōna hinengaro, kia mamae ai koe. I taua wā anō, kāore ia e hiahia kia whakaaro ia he tangata e hiahia ana kia whakatikatikaina ia. Mā te mahi pēnā ka whakaaro ia kei te whakahaweatia ia, ā, ka taea e ia te tauhohe kino.
E mea ana a Nandita, "He mea nui kia mārama koe ki ōna raruraru, kia ngana hoki kia kotahi te whakaaro ki a ia. Me kī atu koe kia toro atu koe ki tētahi tākuta, kia whakamātau rānei i te rongoā. He mea nui kia kaua e whakahē i a ia, nā te mea kua tino pāngia ia e te āhua tairongo. Ka whakanuia e ia ngā mea katoa e kōrerohia ana e koe, ā, ka taea e ia te tango i aua mea kia tino whaiaro. Tāutuhia ngā āhuatanga pai o tōna āhua, me te kōrero mō aua mea, kaua e whakaatu ki a ia kei te ngana koe ki te whakarerekē i a ia."
He rerekē te tautoko i a rātou, engari he rerekē te whakahaere i ō rātou āhua me te ngana ki te whakarerekē i a rātou. Me rongo ia i te mana motuhake kia rite ki te mea kua toa i a ia tēnei pakanga, kaua e tukua te mana ki a koe.
Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Mahi Whai Hua hei Whakatau i te Pouri – Ka Kōrerotia e Tā Mātou Rōpū Kaiwhakaora ki a Koe
3. Kia maioha ki ngā whakatutukitanga iti mō te āwhina i te hoa tāne e pouri ana
Ahakoa te iti o ngā huringa o te noho – ahakoa te puhoi, te iti rānei – ka pā he rerekētanga nui ki tōna āhua kare ā-roto. Ko te ara ake i te wā kotahi mō te wiki, te kaukau i mua i te poutumarotanga, te whakakakahu pai, me ērā atu, he whāinga iti katoa ēnei me tutuki, me whakanui hoki.
Ina pāngia tō hoa tāne e te pouri, ahakoa ngā mahi māmā noa iho, ka rite pea rātou ki te neke i ngā kohatu nunui. Nō reira, āwhina i a rātou kia tīmata mārire, kia mahi i tētahi mea pai i ia wā. Kaua e tumanako ka kai hauora, ka kai pai rātou i tētahi pō, kātahi ka oho ake i te ata i muri mai me te whakaaro kei te pai rawa atu rātou. Ko te whakatau i te pouri, te whakaora rānei i a ia i te pouri, he tukanga kotahi-taahiraa-mua-rua-taahiraa-whakamuri. Me whai koe te manawanui i roto i tō whanaungatanga ā, kia rite ki te tūtaki ki ngā hapa maha i te ara.
E mea ana a Nandita, "Kaua e ngana ki te whakarerekē i ētahi o ngā whanonga o tō hoa tāne ki te kore koe e mōhio kei te hiahia ia. Ki te tino akiaki koe i a ia, tera pea ka puta he pānga kino kāore koe e hiahia. Ko tāu e hiahia ana ko te whakanui ake i tōna whakaaro ki a ia anō mā te noho pai me te whai wāhi ki te kōrero pai ki a ia anō. Kia pono, kia tautoko hoki i roto i ō whakamoemiti, he tino āwhina tēnā, inā koa mēnā nō ētahi atu ehara i a koe pērā i ōna hoa, i tōna whānau rānei. Nō reira, ngana ki te whakatenatena i tēnā mēnā ka taea e koe, he nui te tautoko i a ia."
4. Kaua e riri ina pouri tō hoa tāne
Ehara pea i te mea ngāwari te noho hei hihi o te rā mō tō hoa rangatira, me te hoatu ki a ia te ao katoa. Tērā pea he rā ka ngaro pea koe i a ia anō, ka whakaaroaro hoki ki te kino o te pānga o tēnei āhuatanga katoa ki a koe. Kāore he aha, e whakaaetia ana hoki koe kia pā ki ō rā kino. Engari ko te kī atu, "Kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea te āwhina i taku hoa tāne e pouri ana" me te whakarērea i a ia ehara i te otinga.
Ehara tēnei i te mea mōu anake, engari mō te tangata e arohaina ana e koe. E hiahia ana ia ki a koe i tēnei wā tonu! Tērā pea ka porangi koe i ōna wā uaua, engari me kaha tonu koe mōna, me haere tonu hoki. whakaatu aroha pērā i tāu i mahi ai i mua. Ko tāu mahi he whakamarie i te tangata pouri, kaua e whakaatu i ō riri ki a ia. Mā tēnei ka kino ake tōna ngākau, ka hara hoki ia mō te whakararuraru i a koe.
Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Whakamutu i te Aroha ki a Koe Anō i Muri i te Wehenga
5. Kia ngāwari, kia tukua ia kia kōrero ina pouri tō hoa tāne
Ina whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tāne e pāngia ana e te pouri, tera pea ka uaua ki a ia te kōrero mō ngā mea me te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto pērā i mua. Ka kite koe i tana kōrero ki a koe mō ngā tautohe iti rawa i puta i te tari i mua, engari i nāianei, ka pahemo ngā rā, ā, kāore ia e tino whakapuaki ana i ana kōrero ki a koe mō tetahi mea. Ko te hunga e pouri ana ka hanga i ngā pōrearea ki roto i a rātou anō, ā, ka noho tonu ki roto i aua pōrearea. Nā, he aha tāu e mahi ai ina pouri tō hoa?
E whā tau a Naomi Wyatt, he kaihoko whare, e piripono ana ki a Steve, ā, nō nā tata nei, kua tīmata ia ki te kite i tōna pouri. I mea ia, "Kei te pouri taku hoa tāne, ā, e kore ahau e āwhina i te nuinga o te wā, engari ko te mea anake ka taea e au ko te whakarongo ki a ia. Nō reira ka ngana ahau ki te kōrero mai ki ahau i ngā wā katoa ka taea e ia kia mōhio ai ia kei konei tonu ahau i tōna taha, ā, ka taea e ia te haere mai ki ahau mēnā he hiahia tāna. Koinei te mea iti rawa ka taea e au te mahi."
E ai ki tā Naomi, me ngana koe ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro, me te whakaatu he kaiwhakarongo pai koe ki a rātou. Koinei te huarahi tino pai o me pēhea te whanonga a te wahine ki te tāne me te pouri. Ko te aroha ki tētahi e pāngia ana e te pouri me whakarongo koe ki a rātou i ngā wā katoa e hiahiatia ana, me te tuwhera hoki o tō hinengaro ki a rātou.
6. Āwhina i tō hoa tāne pouri mā te kawe i a ia ki waho
Ahakoa ka ātete pea tō hoa tāne i tēnei i te nuinga o ngā rā, me kawe ia e koe ki waho o te whare ina pai te āhua. Ahakoa ka whiriwhiri rātou kia waiho ko rātou anake, kia whakakorea hoki ō rātou mahere mōu, me karanga tonu rātou kia haere mai. Kāore pea rātou e kōrero tonu ki a koe i ō rātou whakaaro, engari e hiahia ana rātou ki a koe, ā, e hiahia ana rātou ki tētahi taiao whakahihiri hei whakaputa i te pai o roto i a rātou.
He mea whakaoraora te noho tahi me ngā hoa, ā, he mea tika i ētahi wā kia puta ai te whakaaro. Ahakoa he wā okiokinga poto noa iho, ngana ki te kawe i tō hoa tāne ki waho, me te whakaatu ki a ia he ao whakamiharo tēnei me ia.
7. Kia tiakina koe anō hoki ina pouri tō hoa tāne
Āe, tika tāu i pānui ai. Kaua e wareware ki te arotahi ki tō oranga i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakamarie i tō hoa. Tērā pea ka pōuri koe i ētahi rā i tēnei wā uaua, engari me noho tonu koe hei tangata kaha mōu ake, mōna hoki. E kī ana a Nandita, "He tino ngāwari ki a koe te pōuri ina kite koe kei te pōuri tō hoa tāne. Tērā pea ka pōuri koe, ka mea, 'Kei te pōuri taku hoa tāne, ā, kei te ngoikore ahau', ko te tikanga kua tae ki te wā kia arotahi koe ki tō oranga anō hoki."
"Whakawāteahia he wā mōu ake, kaua e noho noa i te taha o tō hoa i ngā wā katoa. Kia kaha, kai i ngā kai tika, me te tirotiro anō i tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō me tō whakaaro ki a koe anō i ngā wā katoa. He mea hauora anō hoki te tango i ngā wā okiokinga iti mai i te tangata pouri. Ehara tēnei i te whakarērea, engari ka āwhina anō hoki tēnei i a rātou." Kai pai, moe pai, me te whakakori tinana i ngā wā katoa. Me ngana koe kia kaua e ngaro te hononga ki tō āhua tūturu kia kore ai e te whakangaro i a koe anō i te whanaungatanga.
8. He aha tāu e mahi ai ina pouri tō hoa? Whakatenatenahia ia kia whiwhi i te āwhina e hiahiatia ana e ia
He maha ngā wāhine e kī ana, "Kei te pouri taku hoa tāne, ā, kāore e whiwhi āwhina", koia te take me tango e rātou te kawenga katoa o te whakaora i te wairua o ō rātou hoa. Mena kei te pāngia tō hoa tāne e ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro, me āwhina ia e te tohunga, kāore he feaa. Nō reira, ki te taea e koe, me whakatenatena koe i a ia kia mahi i taua mahi.
He maha ngā wā ka whakakahore ia, ā, ka whiriwhiri kia kaua e kōrero mōna. Heoi anō, he mea nui tonu kia whiwhi i te momo āwhina tika ina hiahiatia. Ka puta tēnei nā te mea e wehi ana ia kei whakahengia ia, kei kore rānei e manaakitia. Me mōhio ia ko te hunga katoa e karapoti ana i a ia he hunga pai anake kei roto i ōna ngākau.
Ki te pāngia tō hoa tāne e te pouri, ā, kei te whakaatu i ngā tohu whakatūpato, kaua e manukanuka. He rōpū kaitohutohu mātau tā mātou, hei āwhina i a ia ki te whakatakoto i tētahi ara ki te ora. He iti noa iho rātou pāwhiri atu.
FAQs
He maha ngā mea ka taea e koe te whakamātau hei whakahari i tō hoa tāne. Whakaaturia tana kiriata tino pai ki a ia, tākarohia he kēmu papa me ia, kawe rānei i a ia ki te kai pai. Ahakoa te aha e mahia ana e koe, ko te mea nui ko te whakaatu ki a ia kei reira koe i ōna taha i ngā mea katoa, ā, ka taea e ia te whakawhirinaki ki a koe.
Kōrero atu ki a ia e aroha ana koe ki a ia, e whakapono ana hoki ki a ia. Me whakapono ia ki a koe mō ngā mea katoa, ā, me whakamanawa atu anō hoki koe ki a ia mō taua mea anō. Whakamanawa atu ki a ia kāore he ara uaua i te ao e kore e taea te whiti, ā, ka taea e ia te wikitoria i ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana ia ki te whakatutuki.
Whakamātauria ngā mahi manawa me tāu tāne. I ētahi wā, mā te manawa hōhonu ake, mā te manawa pai ake mō ētahi meneti ka māmā ake te aro atu ki te āhuatanga taumaha. Ka taea hoki e koe te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi momo mahi tinana hei whakamātau i ēnei, hei whakamātau rānei i ēnei ngā mea ngahau hei mahi tahi me tō hoa rangatira.
Hei whakamātau i te pai o te wairua o tō hoa, ka taea e koe te whakamātau i ētahi mea. Mahia tana mahi tino pai, whakatenatenahia ia kia kakahuria ōna kākahu pai rawa atu, me ētahi atu. Engari ko te mea nui, tukua ia kia kōrero mai, kia whakawhirinaki mai hoki ki a koe. He mea tino nui kia tukua ia kia kōrero i ōna kare ā-roto me te kore e wehi kei whakahengia.
Kei te pāngia ahau e te pouri? Ki taku whakaaro kei a au ngā tohu katoa…
Me pēhea te kore e noho mokemoke ina takakau koe, e rapu ana hoki i te aroha
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
