Ngā Pātai e 36 e Arataki Ana ki te Aroha

I tētahi wā, ka pātai mai tētahi o ōku hoa tata ki ahau, "Mēnā ka taea e koe te whiwhi i tētahi pūkenga i tēnei rā, he aha taua pūkenga?" I taua wā, kāore au i te mōhio kei te pātai mai ia i tētahi o ngā pātai 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha, nō reira i ngāwari noa iho taku whakautu, ā, i kī atu ahau i tētahi mea wairangi hei whakautu. Ko ēnei pātai, i taku mōhiotanga i muri mai, ka āwhina i te whakatere i te whanaungatanga piripono, ahakoa i waenganui i te tokorua tauhou. Ki te taea e koe, me kī he whakamātautau hinengaro mō te aroha!

Kei te hongere YouTube 'Jubilee' tētahi raupapa e kīia ana Ka taea e ngā tāngata tauhou tokorua te aroha ki ngā pātai e 36? I huihuia a Russell rāua ko Kera mō tētahi hui matapo. I te mutunga o te ataata, nā ēnei pātai whakamere hei whakawhanaunga i te aroha i āwhina i a rāua ki te waihanga i te whakamarie tahi me te whanaungatanga kaha. I pērā anō te mea i tupu i roto i Big Bang. Tērā pea kei te maumahara koe ki a Sheldon rāua ko Penny i tēnei whakamātautau aroha me te momo piripono i pā ki a rāua i muri i te whai i te rārangi pātai whaiaro.

Kāore e hiahiatia kia puta he hononga aroha nui i waenganui i te tokorua, kia uru ai rāua ki tētahi hononga aroha. He rite tonu ki te whanaungatanga piripono i waenganui i ngā hoa tokorua, i ngā hoa rānei. Koinei te āhua o te aroha o ēnei rā. He ahua koretake te ahua, tika? Me keri hohonu tātou, me rapu atu i ētahi atu kōrero mō ēnei pātai hei whakapakari ake i te whanaungatanga piripono.

He aha ngā pātai e 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha?

Ki tō whakaaro, ka taea e te pātaitai te āwhina i a koe ki te aroha? Ina koa ki tētahi kāore koe e mōhio? Koinei te kaupapa matua o ēnei pātai e 36 e aroha ai koe. I rongonuihia e tētahi pāpāho rongonui New York Times he tuhinga me tētahi rangahau hinengaro mō ngā whanaungatanga piripono, ko ēnei pātai te huarahi hou, auaha hoki o te aroha ki tētahi tangata ke te whakapakari rānei i tō hononga ki tō hoa rangatira.

Mai i te wā i puta ai te rangahau me tōna rongonuitanga i te tau 2015 tuhinga roa i roto i te pou Modern Love nā Mandy Len Catron i tuhi, Ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, me mahi tēnei, kua tino pārekareka te ao ki ēnei pātai. E toru ngā wāhanga, tekau mā rua ngā pātai i ia wāhanga, ā, ka nui ake te pānga o tēnei whakamātautau whanaungatanga i tō whakaaro.

Kāore i te herea ki ngā tāngata tauhou anake. Ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mārenatia, ngā hoa i roto i ngā hononga hou, ngā hoa kua roa rānei te noho tahi, me te hunga katoa e hiahia ana ki te hinengaro pāpori me te whakawhanake hononga whai tikanga te whakamātau. I roto i te poto, ki te aroha koe ki tētahi, me mahi tēnei! Ā muri ake nei, hoki mai ki a mātou ka whakaoti i tā mātou pātaitai 'Kei te aroha pono koe?' kia kite ai koe i ō whakaaro mō taua tangata.

Te āhua i hangaia ai ngā pātai 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha

I te tau 1997, i whakaputa a Tākuta Arthur Aron me āna hoa mahi i Te Whare Wānanga o Stony Brook i tētahi pepa i roto i te Te Pouaka Tangata-a-Iwi me te Hinengaro i runga i tētahi raupapa rangahau take mō ngā whanaungatanga piripono. Ko te whakaaro i muri i te rangahau he tirotiro i te mahi a te piripono ki te tangata i roto i te roro tangata me te waiaro tangata, me te tere ake o te piripono i waenga i te tokorua tauhou.

Hei tāpiri atu ki te rangahau, i puta mai i te tīma a Tākuta Aron he 36 ngā pātai hei pātai atu ki tētahi kia aroha, ā, e 40-45 meneti pea te roa hei whakautu. I whakahaerehia e Tākuta Aron tēnei whakamātautau mā te whakaatu i ngā pātai ki tētahi tāne me tētahi wahine takatāpui, he hunga tauhou rawa atu rāua tetahi ki tetahi. I whakautua e rātou ngā pātai me te 4 meneti o te kōrero tonu. whakapā kanohiKo te hua tino miharo? I moe te tokorua i muri i te ono marama!

Ko te āhua o te hoahoa o ēnei pātai e 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha, koinei pea te mea nui rawa atu mō te angitu. Kua whakaritea kia āwhina i te tangata ki te whakawhanake i ngā kare ā-roto o te whanaungatanga me te noho ngoikore tetahi ki tetahi, arā, ngā wāhanga matua o te aroha. Pānuihia tonutia kia kite i ngā rangahau kei muri i ēnei pātai e 36 mō te aroha.

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Te Rangahau i Muri i Ngā Pātai 36 e Arataki Ana ki te Aroha

He aha te mea e aroha ai te tangata? He pono, ka hiahia koe ki te mōhio ake ki te tangata, ki tōna āhua tūturu. He mea whakamiharo te whakaaro ka taea e te huinga pātai te mutu me te aroha o te tokorua. I roto i tētahi uiuinga ki a Te Kawana, ka whakapuaki a Tākuta Aron i tana tukanga whakaaro i a ia e whakawhanake ana i ēnei pātai e hanga ana i te whanaungatanga piripono. E ai ki a ia ko tētahi o ngā kaupapa matua e toru o tēnei tikanga ko te "...hononga mā te whakaatu i ngā mea whaiaro. Kaua e tere rawa. Mā te 'tere rawa' ka whakaroa i a rātou.

"Nō reira, ko tā mātou i mahi ai, i puta mai he huinga pātai ka pātaihia e te tangata tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka piki haere te whaiaro. Ehara i te mea uaua ki te whakautu [i ngā pātai tuatahi] engari ka piki haere te whaiaro i te mutunga." Ka tāpiri atu ia, "Ehara i te mea ko te whakaatu i ngā mea whaiaro te mea nui, engari ko te kare ā-roto e rangona ana koe, ko te urupare a te tangata kē." Anei ētahi mea hei maumahara i mua i te taenga atu ki ngā pātai makutu e aroha ai koe:

• I kitea e ngoikore i roto i te whanaungatanga ā, he mea nui te whakaaturanga i a koe anō ki te whakawhanake i te piripono
• I te hekenga haere o ngā kaupapa o te rangahau ki raro i te rārangi '36 ngā pātai e ārahi ana ki te aroha', ka tīmata rātou ki te hanga whakawhirinaki ki a rātou anō.
• Ko tētahi atu kī ki te angitu o tēnei whakamātautau ko te tauutuutu. E kore e angitu mēnā kāore ngā kaupapa e rua e whakautu pono i ia pātai.
• Ahakoa kāore ngā pātai e tino whakamanahia ana ka aroha koe, e whakaatu ana te rangahau kua tino pūkenga rātou ki te waihanga i ngā kare ā-roto o te whanaungatanga me te māramatanga.

Te Rārangi '36 Ngā Pātai e Arataki Ana ki te Aroha'

Mā te tikanga o te pātai i ēnei pātai ki tō hoa rangatira, ki tētahi hoa tata, ki tētahi atu rānei e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatū hononga, ka akiaki i a koe ki waho i tō rohe whakamarie, ā, ka akiaki mārire koe ki te whakaatu i ngā mea mōu ake kāore koe e kōrero i te nuinga o te wā. He tino auaha ngā pātai nā te mea ka āwhina i te tangata ki te mārama ki te hiranga o te whakaatu mārire i a rātou anō ki te whakapuaki i a rātou anō. 

Mai i tō kōrero mō tō oranga ki tētahi raruraru whaiaro, ki tētahi wā whakama rānei, ki tētahi maharatanga taonga, ka āta puta ake ngā mea katoa i roto i te kōrero. Nō reira, ki te mea kei te rapu koe i ngā pātai hei hanga i te whanaungatanga hei pātai atu ki tētahi e arohaina ana e koe, i ngā pātai ngoikore rānei hei pātai atu ki tō hoa. whakapakari i te hononga kare ā-roto Mō tō whanaungatanga, anei te huinga katoa o te pātaitai mō te hinganga i te aroha me ngā pātai e 36 katoa:

Tautuhi I

Kāore te nuinga o te tangata e pai ki te kōrero mō ō rātou mamae o te tamarikitanga, mō tētahi mea whaiaro rānei ki tētahi tauhou i te tīmatanga. Kia maumahara ki tēnā, i roto i tēnei rārangi pātai 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha, i hangaia ngā pātai tuatahi hei wāwāhi i te hukapapa, he tino ngahau, he whakamere hoki, kia pai ai rātou ki te aroaro o tētahi ki tētahi. Ki te kore koe e tino mōhio me pēhea te tīmata kōrero ki tētahi e arohaina ana, anei ētahi mea haumaru hei pātai atu ki a rātou hei whakaoho i tō rātou hiahia ki a koe:

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1. Ki te mea kei te ao katoa te whiringa, ko wai tāu e hiahia ana hei manuhiri kai? 

2. E hiahia ana koe kia rongonui? I roto i tehea huarahi? 

3. I mua i te waea atu, ka whakaharatau koe i tāu e kōrero ai? He aha ai? 

4. He aha te rā 'tino pai' mōu? 

5. Nōnahea koe i waiata ai ki a koe anō? Ki tētahi atu? 

6. Mēnā ka taea e koe te ora ki te 90 tau te pakeke, ā, ka mau tonu te hinengaro, te tinana rānei o tētahi tangata 30 tau te pakeke mō ngā tau 60 whakamutunga o tō oranga, ko tēhea tāu e hiahia ai? 

7. He whakaaro huna tōu mō te āhua o tō matenga? 

8. Whakahuatia kia toru ngā mea e rite ana ki a kōrua ko tō hoa. 

9. He aha te mea i roto i tō ao e tino whakawhetai ana koe? 

10. Mēnā ka taea e koe te whakarerekē i tētahi mea mō te āhua o tō whakatipuranga, he aha taua mea? 

11. Whakawāteahia he wā mō ngā meneti e whā, ka kōrerotia te kōrero o tō oranga ki tō hoa rangatira me te taipitopito rawa atu. 

12. Mēnā ka ara ake koe āpōpō kua whiwhi koe i tētahi āhuatanga, i tētahi pūkenga rānei, he aha taua āhuatanga?

Tautuhi II

Nā te mea kua wehe atu koe i te ngā wā whakamā tuatahi, kua tae ki te wā ki te mōhio ki ētahi o ngā āhuatanga nui o te tangata e noho ana i tō taha. Hei tauira, ā rātou moemoeā me ā rātou whāinga i te ao, ā rātou uara me ā rātou tikanga matatika, ā rātou tawhā mō te angitu me te aroha, me ērā atu mea. Ā, koinei te hanganga o te huinga pātai tuarua mō te aroha:

13. Mehemea ka taea e te pōro karaihe te kōrero ki a koe i te pono mōu ake, mō tōu ao, mō te heke mai, mō tētahi atu mea rānei, he aha tāu e hiahia ana kia mōhio? 

14. He mea kua roa koe e moemoeā ana kia mahia? He aha koe i kore ai e mahi? 

15. He aha te whakatutukitanga nui rawa atu o tōu ao? 

16. He aha te mea tino nui ki a koe i roto i te whakahoahoa? 

17. He aha to maharatanga tino nui? 

18. He aha te maharatanga tino kino rawa atu ki a koe? 

19. Me i mōhio koe ka mate ohorere koe i roto i te tau kotahi, ka whakarerekētia rānei e koe tetahi mea mō tō āhua noho o nāianei? He aha ai? 

20. Eaha te auraa o te auhoaraa no oe? 

21. He aha ngā mahi a te aroha me te ngākau aroha i roto i tō koiora? 

22. Whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō tētahi mea e whakaaro ana koe he āhuatanga pai o tō hoa. Whakawhitiwhitia kia rima ngā mea katoa. 

23. He pēhea te piripono me te mahana o tō whānau? Ki tō whakaaro, he nui ake te harikoa o tō tamarikitanga i tō te nuinga o ētahi atu? 

24. He aha ō whakaaro mō tō whanaungatanga ki tō whaea?

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Tautuhi III

Koinei te wā e eke ai te kēmu ki tētahi atu taumata. Ahakoa te āhua ngāwari o ngā pātai o tēnei huinga, ko te kaupapa he toro atu ki ō kare ā-roto, me te keri i ētahi kare ā-roto me ngā whakakitenga ngawari. E kōrero ana mō ō rohe, ō tirohanga ki ētahi take, ngā mea e pupuri ana koe i roto i tō ngākau, me ngā mea e pakaru ai koe.

He mea nui te whakautu i ēnei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga e tipu haere ana; me te mea kei te tekau tau koe e whakatau ana kia mōhio ki tētahi mea whaiaro mō te tangata kē. Whakapono mai, kāore rānei, he mana tō ēnei pātai hohonu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakatata atu i a rātou ina tata ana rātou. te wehe kē i roto i te whanaungatanga hoki:

25. Tuhia kia toru ngā kōrero "Mātou" pono mō ia kōrero. Hei tauira, "Kei roto tāua i tēnei rūma me te whakaaro..."

26. Whakaotia tēnei rerenga kōrero: “Āe, me i whai hoa ahau hei hoa mōku…”

27. Ki te mea kei te pirangi koe ki te noho hei hoa piripono māu, tēnā koa whakapuaki mai i ngā mea nui kia mōhio rātou. 

28. Kōrerotia ki tō hoa rangatira ngā mea e pai ana koe ki a ia; kia pono rawa i tēnei wā, me te kī i ngā mea kāore pea koe e kōrero ki tētahi kua tūtaki noa koe. 

29. Kōrerohia ki tō hoa tētahi wā whakamā o tō ao. 

30. Nōnahea koe i tangi ai i mua i tētahi atu tangata? Ko koe anake? 

31. Kōrerotia tētahi mea e pai ana koe ki tō hoa mōna. 

32. He aha, mēnā he mea, he tino taumaha rawa hei kata māu? 

33. Mēnā ka mate koe i tēnei ahiahi, kāore he wā ki te kōrero ki tētahi, he aha te mea e tino pouri ai koe mō te kore i kōrero ki tētahi? He aha koe i kore ai e kōrero ki a rātou? 

34. Ka wera tō whare, kei roto katoa ō taonga. I muri i te whakaora i ō whanaunga me ō mōkai, ka whai wā koe ki te oma whakamutunga ki te whakaora i tētahi taonga. He aha te mea? He aha ai? 

35. O ngā tāngata katoa o tō whānau, ko wai te matenga e tino whakararuraru ana ki a koe? He aha ai? 

36. Kōrerohia tētahi raruraru whaiaro, ka pātai atu ki tō hoa mō āna tohutohu mō te huarahi e taea ai e rātou te whakatau. Me tono atu hoki ki tō hoa kia whakaaroaro anō ki a koe mō ō kare ā-roto mō te raruraru i whiriwhiria e koe.

He whai hua ngā '36 Ngā Pātai e Arataki Ana ki te Aroha' mō ngā Tāne me ngā Wahine?

Ka arotahi ēnei pātai ki ngā wāhanga rerekē o te oranga o te tangata, pērā i tōna whanaungatanga ki tōna whānau, ōna hoa, tōna tirohanga ki a rātou anō, me ētahi atu. He tino āwhina hoki ēnei i te wā tuatahi o te rā. Nā te mea, he tino pai ngā pātai e 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha mō te hunga kāore e mōhio me pēhea te kōrero. Mā tēnei, ka kōrero koe mō ngā mea e tino hira ana, ā, ka whakatū i te whanaungatanga tata, kaua ki te whakaputa kōrero noa iho.

Ko Gloria, he kaipānui kua whā tau e noho tahi ana, e kōrero ana i tana wheako, "I kite taku hoa i tēnei tuhinga ko te taitara Ngā Pātai hei Whakaoho i a Ia ki te ArohaI whakaaro ahau he tinihanga noa iho, engari i whakatenatena ia i ahau kia whakamātau i ēnei i taku rā e whai ake nei. I pena ahau, ā, e mōhio ana koe! E rima hāora māua ko Shaun i noho ai i te wharekai, e kōrero noa ana, e kōrero noa ana. 

"Ā, ko te mea pai rawa atu, kāore ēnei 'pātai hei whakapouri i a ia' i rite ki ngā mea motuhake i roto i tā mātou kōrero. I muri i ngā pātai tuatahi, ka whanake hei ngā pātai hanga whanaungatanga "i tino hiahia ahau ki āna whakautu. Koinei te tīmatanga, tirohia mai tātou inaianei."

Kotahi te mea e rite ana i roto i ngā wā katoa, ko tēnei tikanga i āwhina i te karo i ngā pātai me ngā whakautu koretake, me te wāhanga whakamā me te papaku o te mōhio ki tētahi. Ahakoa he whanaungatanga aroha, he whanaungatanga whakawhanaungatanga rānei, e hiahia ana te whakawhirinaki, te whanaungatanga piripono, me te mōhio kei te pai tēnei tangata ki a koe. Ā, ki te mea koinā tō whāinga, me pātai atu koe ki tō hoa, kia kite ai koe i ngā hua.

Ki te kore ngā pātai e whakamana i te aroha, he aha te whakamahinga?

E whakamārama ana ngā kairangahau nāna i tito te tikanga '36 ngā pātai e ārahi ana ki te aroha' kāore ēnei pātai e tino meinga ai koe kia aroha. Ahakoa kua aroha ētahi i roto i tēnei tukanga, kua hanga e ētahi he hononga hohonu, he hononga whakawhanaunga, ā, kua kitea e ētahi he whanaungatanga pai ki ngā tāngata tauhou. Mā ngā pātai ka wetewetehia te ngoikore me te pono.

Mā ngā pātai whai tikanga mō ngā hoa me te whānau ka āwhina i te tangata kia mōhio ake ki ngā whanaungatanga piripono o tō ao, me te nui o te hiranga ki a koe. Mā ētahi atu pātai ka whakamātautau i te ngoikore me te pono o tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira, arā, ngā āhuatanga ka kitea i muri mai i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pea. Mā tēnei ka puta he wairua whakamarie, he whakawhirinaki, he whanaungatanga, me te whanaungatanga piripono.

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E whakapono ana a Tākuta Aron he mea nui kia whakautu takitahi i ngā pātai kotahi i ia wā. I roto i tētahi uiuinga ki a wahine taumau i roto i te maheni, i kōrero ia, "Ki te whakakitea e koe ngā mea hohonu ki tētahi atu tangata, ā, ka whakakitea mai e rātou ki a koe, ka noho haumaru koe mōna. Tērā pea ka aro atu koe nā te mea he haere tonu, he haere tonu. He mea nui tēnei wāhanga."

Mō ngā pātai e 36 e ārahi ana ki te aroha, ehara i te aroha aroha te whāinga matua. He maha ngā momo aroha – he aroha aroha, he aroha aroha, he aroha whānau rānei. Ko te mutunga o te mahi katoa ko te hanga i tētahi hononga wairua hōhonu, ahakoa ka wehe mārie kōrua. He hononga ka neke ake i te whakama me te kore whakawhirinaki i te tīmatanga. Mena ka taea e koe te hono atu ki tētahi me ngā pātai 36 noa iho, he aha koe e kore ai e mahi?

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Hune, 2023. 

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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