Ngā Mea 10 Hei Mahi Ina Kei Te Marara Koe I Roto I Tō Hononga

E mōhio ana koe kei te wehe kē koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ina rite ngā rā pakiwaitara ki tētahi mea o mua. Ko te haunga, ko ngā waeatanga waea kore i te wā tika, ko ngā wā inu aihikirīmi i te pō – he rite katoa ki tētahi moemoeā tawhiti. Mena kei te maumahara koe ki ngā rā pai o mua, ki te kino atu rānei, kāore, tera pea kei roto koe i tētahi wā uaua o te whanaungatanga. Ā, ko ngā maharatanga o ngā rā tuatahi o te pakiwaitara, o te wā honi rānei, koinā anake ngā mea e toe ana ki a koe hei pupuri.

He tino raruraru tetahi mea. Mā te noho tahi me te hoa tawhiti ka tino pōuri koe. Ko te ngaronga o te aroha, te momotu o te whanaungatanga tetahi ki tetahi, me te noho tahi me ngā hoa i tua atu i te noho tahi, he tohu noa iho ēnei kei te pakaru tō kōrua hononga. Nō reira, ko te tikanga tēnei kua tae ki te mutunga o te huarahi mā kōrua ko tō hoa? Waimarie, kāore. Ka taea e koe te huri i ngā mea ahakoa i tēnei wā, ā, kei konei mātou hei whakamārama atu ki a koe me pēhea.

He aha te tikanga o te wehe kē i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Kei te mōhio koe, me pēhea te mimiti o ngā pounamu inu waikore i muri i te whakatuwheratanga o te taupoki? Whakaarohia tēnei hei kupu whakarite mō te wehewehe. Whakaarohia tō whanaungatanga he pounamu Coke. Ahakoa kua taupokina, kāore anō kia whakatuwheratia, kei te ora tonu te mimiti. Ko te mimiti te oranga o te whanaungatanga. Ki te waiho tuwhera te pounamu, ā, kāore e tiakina mō te wā roa, ka puta mārire te mimiti, ka waiho he wai reka. Koinei tonu te mea ka tupu ki ngā whanaungatanga ina kore koe e āta tiaki i tō hononga. Ka tīmata te mate o te mura, ā, ka nui haere tō wehenga mai i tō hoa.

Ka puta te wehenga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ina kore kōrua e:

• Hono atu ki tō hoa
• Whakawhitiwhiti kōrero mō ō koutou oranga tetahi ki tetahi
• Te hiahia ki te awhi, ki te pā atu rānei tetahi ki tetahi
• Me titiro kanohi, me whakarite rānei he wā kounga tahi

Ka tomo noa koe ki roto i ō kākahu moe ka takoto ki te moenga. Ko ō kōrero he "He aha tāu e hiahia ana mō te tina?" he "I utua e koe te pire/i tangohia te para/i ​​oti te mahi?" Ko ēnei ētahi tohu ngawari kei te te wehewehe i roto i te marena.

Ki te mea kei te wehe kē kōrua i te whanaungatanga, ko te mea nui kia kaua e tukua te āputaputa e tipu haere ana i waenganui i a kōrua kia pā ki a kōrua. Ka mutu te whanaungatanga i tētahi wā. Ka tae ki tētahi wā ka kore kōrua e tuku karere kuputuhi i ia rā, ka kore e noho tahi tetahi ki tetahi, ka kore rānei e haere tahi i ngā wiki mutunga. Kei te noho noa kōrua i reira, e whakaaro noa ana ki te whanaungatanga, ā, kāore e hiahia ki te whakahoki mai i te wera ki roto i te whanaungatanga. Me ruku hohonu atu tātou ki te take o tēnā.

He aha te take e wehe ai ngā hoa faaipoipo

Tumuaki Psychotherapist Tākuta Aman Bhonsle Ko tāna kupu pai rawa atu, "Ko te tangata tukino te tangata tino paitini ki te taha. Kāore rātou e tuku i a koe kia noho ko koe anake, ā, ka takahi i tō pono." E ai ki tāna, ko te kore e tuku i tō hoa kia noho ko ia anake he rite ki te tukino i a rātou.

Nō reira, tera pea kei te wehe kē kōrua i roto i te marena nā te mea e titiro ana tetahi o kōrua ki tetahi atu he *tangata e hiahia ana kia whakatikaina*. Kei te ngana tonu tetahi o kōrua ki te huri i tetahi ki te taha taketake? Mena āe, ko tētahi o ngā tohu tēnei o tō kei te pakaru te whanaungatangaMe titiro tātou ki ētahi atu take pea mō tēnei:

1. Kāore e taea te waihanga i te taurite

rangahau e tohu ana ko te taurite o te mahi me te oranga he ka pā kino ki ngā whanaungatanga whaiaro. Ka nui rawa te mahi a te tangata, ka pāngia e te ahotea, kātahi ka tukuna katoatia ki ō rātou hoa. Nō reira, ko tētahi o ngā take o te wehenga ko te kore e kitea te taurite tika.

Ka pōrearea te whanaungatanga ina kore e taurite. Te mahi me te whanaungatanga, te whānau me te whanaungatanga, ngā hoa me te whanaungatanga, te wā-mō-ku me te whanaungatanga… kei roto te rārangi. Hei kimi i taua taurite, me āta whakaaro koe ki te whakatakoto te whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga, kāore e tupu noa iho.

He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua kite ahau e wehewehe ana, nā te kore whakahaere wā me te kore pūkenga whakarite pai. Ko te mahi i ngā mea katoa i te nui tika te mea ngaro ki te harikoa i roto i tō pararaiha aroha. Ko te whakapau i te wā roa ki tō hoa me te huna i a koe ki te mahi kia kore ai e pāngia e te hoha o tō whanaungatanga he tauira ēnei o ngā hapa whanaungatanga noa ka pā kino ki tō hononga.

2. Kāore i te nui te whakarongo

I roto i tana pukapuka, nā Art Rios, Me Kōrero Tātou: …Mō te Hanga i tō Ao kia Whakahihiri, kia Māmā ake, kia Motuhake hoki, e kī tika ana, "Ina whakaarohia e au te hunga e mihia ana e au, ko tētahi āhuatanga e rite ana ki te nuinga o rātou ko te pai o te whakarongo. Mō te nuinga o tātou, e hiahia tonu ana tātou ki te kōrero i ngā mea e whakaarohia ana e tātou he mea nui ake. Heoi, me i ako tātou ki te whakarongo nui atu i te kōrero, ka taea e tātou te whai kōrero pai ake, me te hanga hononga hohonu ake. Hei tāpiri, ka iti ake ngā māramatanga i te ao."

He tino mārama te whakaaro o Art Rios. Ko te kore o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua te take e pakaru haere ai tō kōrua hononga. Kei te tumanako koe ka pānui makutu tō hoa i tō hinengaro? Kāore e taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō hiahia, ō wawata, me ō hiahia? Koinei ngā tohu kei a koe ngā raruraru nui o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i tō whanaungatanga.

3. Te tumanako nui rawa

I kī te kaiwhakaari a Jeff Bridges, "I roto i te ao me ngā kiriata, he rite tonu te wero, ina he tumanako āu, ā, ka mutu koe ki ngā āhuatanga kāore e tutuki i ō tumanakohanga." Nō reira, tera pea kei te pakaru haere tō whanaungatanga nā te mea e tumanako ana koe kia noho tō hoa hei hoa aroha māu, hei whaea māu, hei hoa pai māu, hei kaiārahi māu, i te wā kotahi.

Ko tētahi o ngā mea hei whakatakoto i ngā tumanakohanga i roto i te ao tūturu ko te ngā wero whanaungatanga e pā ana ki te nuinga o te tangataI ētahi wā, kia maumahara koe he tangata noa iho tō hoa, ehara i te mea atua e kore e taea te hē. Ko tētahi o ngā tino take e wehe ai te tokorua ko te kore e murua ngā hapa a tetahi, a tetahi.

Engari me pēhea te whakamutu i te wehenga i roto i te whanaungatanga? Kei te rapu huarahi koe ki te hanga i te whanaungatanga piripono me te hono anō ki tō hoa? Kaua e manukanuka, kei a mātou tō tuara! Anei ētahi huarahi hei hono anō ki tō hoa.

Ngā Mea 10 Hei Mahi Ina Kei Te Marara Koe I Roto I Tō Hononga

"Kei tawhiti taku hoa wahine, kua wehe kē māua." "Āwhina, kei te pakaru taku whanaungatanga". "Te āhua nei kua wehe kē taku hoa tāne i te taha o te ngākau, kua mutu taku whanaungatanga?" "Kei te pēnei au kāore au i te mōhio ki taku wahine/tāne. Me aha ahau?" Tērā pea kei konei koe i tēnei rā nā te mea kei te whawhai koe ki tētahi āwangawanga ōrite. Engari, e ai ki te kōrero i mua ake nei, he mea tino noa te noho pūmau o tētahi whanaungatanga i ētahi wā. Ko te mea e ahua nei ko te mutunga, kāore pea i te mutunga. Nō reira, i mua i tō whakaaro he mea nui tēnei hononga whero haki Ā, me mutu te whanaungatanga, whakamahia ēnei tohutohu hei āwhina i a koe ki te hono anō i tētahi hononga:

1. Tīmata ki te pā

Mena ko koe te momo tokorua e pupuri ringa ana i te toa hokohoko, ko te korenga o te pā ā-tinana e puta mai ana i te tawhiti o te whanaungatanga ka mataku pea nā te mea i pai ki a kōrua. Nō reira, tīmata ki te pā i ētahi wā, te momo ngākau nui engari kāore he moepuku. Kua hangaia te tangata kia rongo i te hononga mā te pā, ā, he huarahi tino pono ēnei mō te hono anō ki tētahi hoa i muri i tētahi wā uaua:

• He pātata noa ki te ringa/tuara/pokohiwi
• He awhi poto/he kihi paparinga i mua i te haerenga ki te mahi
• Te okioki i tōu mahunga ki runga i ō rātou pakihiwi
• Te mirimiri i ō rātou pakihiwi/ringa

2. Tangohia te taahiraa tuatahi

E mōhio ana koe kei te tipu haere koe i te mea kei reira kōrua tetahi e arohaina ana e koe, engari kāore i te tino noho tahi. Tērā pea kei te pukumahi koe ki ō waea pūkoro, ā, haunga ngā whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i ētahi wā, kāore he mea hei kōrero mā kōrua. Nō reira, me mahi i te taahiraa tuatahi. Engari kaua e huna ōu mahunga ki roto i ō waea pūkoro, i ō pona rānei, whakatūria whakapā kanohi ā, ka tīmata i tētahi kōrero.

Me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga e memeha haere ana? Kaua e whakamahia tō waea hei mawhiti. Waiho tonu atu ki te taha, ka kōrero ki tō hoa mō te raruraru. Mena kei te piri tonu tō hoa ki te whanaungatanga, e kore rātou e karo i te kōrero. Kaua e tukua ō taputapu pūkoro kia matara atu kōrua tetahi i tetahi.

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3. Kaua e takaro i te kēmu whakapae

He ngāwari te whakapae tetahi i tetahi mō te āhua pōrearea o te whanaungatanga. Inaa, he tokomaha ngā tāngata e tahuri noa ana ki te te huri-whakapae ina kore e taea e rātou te whakatau he aha te hē o te whanaungatanga. He māmā noa te kī:

• "He nui rawa tāu mahi"
• "Ka nui ake tō wā e noho tahi ana me ō hoa"
• "Kāore koe e mōhio mai ana ki ahau i ēnei rā"

Whakakapia te kupu 'koe' ki te kupu 'tātou'. Kaua e whakapae tetahi ki tetahi, engari ngana ki te kōrero mō ngā otinga. Kāore kōrua i reira hei rapu ko wai te take o te tawhiti kua ngokingoki haere ki roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga; kāore he hua o te mahi pera. Kei te noho tahi tonu kōrua, kei te mahi tahi hoki kōrua kia puta ai kōrua i te raruraru kei roto kōrua. Nō reira, me mahi ki te whakatutuki i tēnā, kaua e whawhai tetahi ki tetahi. He mea nui tēnei hei maumahara mō te tipu haere hei tokorua.

4. Whakahokia mai te mura

Kawea mai ngā haerenga aihikirīmi i waenganui pō, ngā haerenga waka ohorere rānei. Tērā atu rānei he mea rite ki tēnā e tino pārekareka ana ki a kōrua. Anei ētahi tauira:

• Mena he mea pai ki a koe ngā kiriata o te waenganui pō i mua, ngana ki te mahi i tēnā kotahi i te marama
• Ki te pai koe ki te mahi whakaari, miharotia ia ki tētahi momo cosplay iti iho i te dom.
• Ki te mea i hokohoko tahi kōrua i mua, me waiho hei tikanga o te Rātapu e kore e taea e kōrua te mahue

Ahakoa kāore pea ō mahi katoa e manakohia ana, engari he iti noa iho ngā mahi e mahia ana e koe, ā, he nui te rerekētanga. Ki te hiahia anō tō hoa ki te hono anō, ka maioha rātou ki te mahi, ā, ka whakahoki mai. Hei whakamutu i te wehenga i roto i te whanaungatanga, me whakamahara koe i tō hoa ki ngā mea katoa i hono ai kōrua i te tuatahi. Ka whakatuwherahia hoki ngā huarahi ki te kōrero mō ngā hapa o te whanaungatanga.

5. Kaua e whakaatu i ō kare ā-roto

He mea tino nui te mōhio ki te tuku wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga me te kore e wehe. Inaa, he tino hauora te wā wehe i roto i te whanaungatanga mena ka tika te whakahaere. Hei tauira, he mea maori te pouri me te riri i ētahi wā. Ina tupu tēnā, ko te whakaeke i tō hoa ka hanga he pakaru koretake e kore e taea te whakanui ake i ō kare kino engari ka pā kino hoki ki tō whanaungatanga. Kāore he mea pai e puta mai i tēnā. Me kimi e koe he oranga hauora ngā huarahi hei whakahaere i tō manukanukaMā te tuku wā me te wāhi whaiaro tetahi ki tetahi he huarahi pai ki te tukatuka i ō kare ā-roto, ahakoa nō hea.

Kia mutu te noho tahi, kia tino whai wā kōrua. Ko te huarahi māmā ki te hono anō i tō kōrua whanaungatanga ko te whai wā kounga ki tō hoa rangatira. Ko te mea nui ko te tautuhi i te raruraru me te mahi i taua mea, kaua e aro noa ki aua mea. Whakaarohia ngā rā harikoa, ā, whakaaturia ki tō hoa rangatira ka taea e te whanaungatanga te pai ake i mua.

6. Tīmatahia he kōrero

Ki te mea i tuku karere tō hoa ki a koe i ngā hāora mahi (ā, i pai ki a koe) engari kāore e mahi i tēnei wā, waiho he karere atawhai hei whakaatu i tō maioha ki a rātou. "I pai ahau ki tā māua tuku karere ahakoa i te mahi. Kei te ngaro ahau i tēnei." Tērā pea kei te ngaro anō hoki rātou i tēnei wā, engari kua mutu nā te mea kāore i whiwhi i te whakautu i tumanakohia e rātou, nō reira, i whakaaro rātou kāore koe i maioha ki tā rātou tuku karere ki a koe.

Koia te mea nui o te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro me te kōrero pono. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro, kei te hiahia hoki kōrua ki te mea kotahi. Ā, ko taua mōhiotanga ka waiho hei arai nui. Heoi, kaua e piri rawa, kaua hoki e tono nui. Me kōrero noa kia kite ai koe i te urupare a tō hoa. Ko te tohutohu nui mō te whakamutu i te wehenga i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te whakapuaki i ō hiahia, ahakoa he ahua koretake te mahi pera.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakatika i muri i te whawhai

7. Kia rite tō whanaungatanga ki tētahi mea hou

Kei te mahara koe ki te aro i hoatu e koe ki tō hoa i tō kōrua tīmatanga ki te haere tahi? Me pērā tonu tō whanaungatanga i tēnei wā tonu. Engari kaua e noho noa i te kāinga me te amuamu, "He pai ake ki taku tāne te mātaki pouaka whakaata i te noho tahi me ahau" me "He nui ake te aroha o taku wahine ki tana tira kōtiro i ahau", me mahi tetahi mea hei whakatika i tēnei!

Whakamātauria te whakawai anō i tō hoa, te takaro ki a rātou, te whakawai i a rātou, te whakahoki mai i te takaro me te kōrero whakakatakata. Tērā pea he ahua rerekē i te tīmatanga, engari tera pea ka āwhina. Whakahokia mai te wā o te honi. Anei ētahi huarahi hei hono atu anō ki tō hoa:

• Waiho kia piri noa iho tuhipoka aroha i runga i tā rātou waea/tēpu, me te kī "Ngā mihi ki a koe mō tō noho mai ki tōku ao"
• Waea atu ki a rātou i tētahi wā poto hei kī atu, "Mōrena. Kia pai tō rā, e te Aroha."
• Whakakatakata ki a rātou/kōrero atu rānei, "Kei te whakakorikori tinana anō koe? Kāore he mea miharo kua nui rawa ō uaua"

8. Whakatauhia ō kaupapa matua

I tuhituhi mai tētahi o ā mātou kaipānui ki a mātou, "Kāore he hononga i waenganui i a māua ko taku tāne. Tēnā koa āwhina mai, kei te pakaru taku whanaungatanga!". I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ka tīmata ngā hoa rangatira ki te rapu i ngā mea hei whakararuraru i a rātou anō. Kāore tēnā e kī ana kei te moe tō hoa me tētahi atuTērā pea he maha rawa ngā pō karapīpiti e haere tahi ana rātou me ō rātou hoa. Mēnā rānei, ka whakahokia mai e rātou ā rātou mahi ki te kāinga.

Mena kei roto koe i aua tokorua e wehe kē ana, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakauru mai i ngā whakaaro nui. Me waiho tetahi ki tetahi hei kaupapa matua māu. Kāore kōrua e hiahia kia rite ō kōrua hiahia me ō kōrua hiahia ki te hono anō. Ka taea e kōrua te mahi kaha me te rapu i ngā mea hou e pai ana ki a kōrua, e hono tahi ai. E rua ā kōrua kōwhiringa, ko te tipu tahi, ko te wehe kē rānei – nāu te kōwhiringa. Ā, ki te mea e whakanuia ana e koe tō kōrua whanaungatanga, he mea tino māmā noa iho, ā, he mea e tika ana mō te mahi me te kaha katoa.

9. Tirohia anō ngā wāhi tawhito

He wāhi motuhake kei reira i toro atu ai kōrua i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga? Ko te wharekai pea kei tērā taha o tō kāreti i kōrero tuatahi ai kōrua mō ō kōrua kare ā-roto? Whakaarohia kia haere ki reira. I te urupā tuatahi kōrua i moe ai? Ngāna anō kia haere ki reira, kia hoki whakamuri ki ngā mahara. Ka taea e ēnei mahi ngāwari te hanga i tētahi rerekētanga nui ina ngana ana kōrua ki te whakamutu i te wehenga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me te whakaoho anō i te aroha me te whanaungatanga piripono.

Ina tupu te hoa rangatira, ā, kāore te hoa rangatira e tupu, he uaua ki te kimi i ngā āhuatanga ōrite hei hono atu. Koinei te wā ka taea ai e te mahara ki ngā mea i hono ai kōrua i te tuatahi te whakamārama i te take e noho tahi tonu ai kōrua. Ka huri te tangata. He pai, ā, ka tupu tonu. Ko te kī ki te marena harikoa ko te whakaae ki aua huringa. Ka taea e kōrua te tipu i roto i ō kōrua oranga takitahi engari ka kitea tonu he huarahi hei noho hono tonu.

10. Me mahi aroha, kaua e moe noa iho

I roto i tētahi hononga kua mau ki te taha whakamuri, ki te taha rānei o te awaawa, ka huri te taatai ​​hei whakamama i te ahotea, hei whakaora hononga rānei mō te wā poto. Engari he onge te roa o tēnā. Kaua e moe noa. Me aroha tetahi ki tetahi. Kōrerohia ngā mea i pai ki a koe i te wā o te mahi aroha me ngā mea anō e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi. He nui te mahi a te aroha me te ngākau nui ki te whakatata atu i a kōrua i roto i tētahi hononga e memeha haere ana, nō reira, awhiawhi, kōrero, me te whai wāhi atu ki ētahi mahi i muri i te wā.

Ko te wehenga i roto i te whanaungatanga ehara i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Kia mōhio he rangitahi engari me whai otinga pumau. Ko te huarahi ki te tuku wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga me te kore e wehea he wāhanga nui o te whanaungatanga. Kaua hoki e whakama mō tō tipu ake. Kati te pouri mō te tipu ake i te hunga i whai wāhi ki te tipu tahi me koe.

I te pae hopea, Tākuta Bhonsle e tohutohu ana, "Me tango e koe whakaipoipo faaipoipo kia mōhio ai koe ki tō tūnga me te take e tū ana koe i reira. Ka hoatu e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro he tohutohu whaitake ki a koe, ā, ka pupuri i te muna (kāore i rite ki ō whanaunga/hoa noho/hoa). He tokomaha o aku kiritaki kua hoki tahi anō i muri i te tango i te whakaora tāne me te wahine.” Mena kei te rapu āwhina ngaio koe, ā mātou ngā kaitohutohu mai i te rōpū a Bonobology he paato noa atu.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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