Te Whakahāwea i roto i ngā Hononga: Te Whanoke Paitini me Ārai e Koe

Te hurihuri kanohi, te tawai, te karanga ingoa, te tuku kōrero whakatoi, me te whai whakaaro whakatoi - kua kite pea koe i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whanonga pēnei ana, he kino atu rānei, kei te pēnei pea tāu mahi ki tō hoa. Ko ēnei whanonga kino katoa e tohu ana i te kare o te whakahawea. He tino uaua te whakatau i te whakahawea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, he uaua ake te whakaora ina kore e whakatikahia. 

I kōrero mātou mō te pānga o te whakahawea ki te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whanaungatanga, ki a Ruchi Ruuh (he tohu Paetahi i roto i te Hinengaro Tohutohu), he tohunga ki te hototahitanga, te rohe, te aroha ki a ia anō, me te tohutohu whakaae, kia ruku hohonu ai ki tēnei whanonga kino. E whakapono ana a Ruchi, "Ko te whakahawea he kare ā-roto o te whakahawea me te whakarihariha e honoa ana ki te kore whakaute. He titiro iho ki tō hoa mai i te wāhi rangatira, mā te whakamahi i ngā kupu whakatoi, ngā ingoa, ngā whakatoi, me ngā nekehanga tinana."

E whakamāramahia ana te whakahawea e te Papakupu Cambridge hei "kare ā-roto kaha o te kore aroha me te kore whakaute ki tētahi." Ina pāngia tetahi hoa e te whakahawea, te whakarihariha rānei ki tētahi atu, ā, ka whakaaturia i roto i ngā huarahi maha, ka arahi pea ki tētahi āhuatanga tino paitini. Ka pāngia te tinana, te hinengaro, me te kare ā-roto e te whakahawea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ka pāngia hoki e ngā hua mō te wā roa.

He aha te whakahawea i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Tuatahi, me whakamārama tātou i tēnei mea — he rerekē rawa ngā mea e rua, arā, te whakahawea me te mauahara. Ko te rerekētanga matua kei roto i te āhua o tā tātou tirohanga ki te tūnga o te tangata kē. Ko te mauahara e aro ana ki te hunga he teitei ake te tūnga, ko te whakahawea ia e aro ana ki te hunga he iti iho te tūnga. 

Nā, kia tahuri tātou ki te rangahau matua a John Gottman, nāna i tautuhi te mea i huaina e ia, "Ngā Hoia Eke E Whā o te Apocalypse". I roto i ngā kupu a te Paipera, e pā ana ēnei hoia eke e whā ki ngā āhuatanga rerekē o te apocalypse e haere ake nei, arā, te wikitoria, te pakanga, te matekai, me te mate. Ka whakamahia e Gottman āna 'hoia eke' e whā hei tohu mō te whakarere. E ai ki a ia, ina uru te whakahē, te whakahawea, te tiaki, me te aukati ki roto i te whanaungatanga , ka nui ake te tūponotanga o te whakarere. He maha ngā tohunga (tae atu ki a Gottman) e whakapono ana ko te whakahawea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga te mea kino rawa atu o ngā hoia eke e whā. Nō reira, he aha te whakahawea ki te whanaungatanga, ā, me pēhea te puta mai? Kia kitea tātou.

He aha te take o te whakahawea i roto i te whanaungatanga?

E kī ana a Ruchi, "He maha ngā āhuatanga e puta ai te whakahawea, ā, ko te nuinga o te wā ka ahu mai i ngā take hohonu, mamae hoki o ngā taunekeneke o mua me te hoa, pērā i ngā pakanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, te riri kua whakatupuhia, te kore taurite o te mana, me te kore aroha /hononga kare ā-roto. Ina kore e whakatauhia ngā take i te wā tika, ka piki haere tonu, ka puta mai i roto i te āhua kore mahi, ā, ka pā ki te tuakiri o te tangata:

• Mena he raruraru āu kāore anō kia arohia, kua roa rānei e warewarehia ana, ka uru pea te riri me te whakahawea ki roto i ō taunekeneke me tō hoa. 
• Ka taea e te whakahawea te noho hei tikanga. Kia whakahaweatia tetahi e tetahi, ka kino haere te āhua. Me te mea kua tukua e koe te mana ki a koe anō kia tukinotia tō hoa. 
• E whakaponohia ana hoki ka puta te whakahawea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga nā te mōhiotanga  
• Mā te kore whakaute i ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa ka whakahawea, ka whakaiti i a rātou
• Ko te kore aro ki ngā whanonga a tō hoa me te kore aroha ka whakatupu i te whakahawea
• Ko ngā hoa e hiahia ana ki te whanonga whakahawea, kei te whakaata pea i te whanaungatanga o ō rātou ake mātua.

Pānui e pā ana: 17 Ngā Tohu kei roto koe i tētahi Hononga Kāore e Hototahi

Ngā Tohu o te Whakahāwea i roto i te Hononga

Kāore koe i te tino mōhio mēnā kei te whakahawea koe ki tō hoa, kei te whakahawea rānei rātou? Anei tētahi rārangi arowhai poto mō ngā momo whakahawea i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga:   

1. Ngā tapanga kino

E whakamahi ana koe i ngā kupu pēnei i te 'mangere', te 'pōrearea', te 'haurangi', te 'whaiaro', me te 'kore whakaaro' hei whakaahua i te āhua o te tangata? I te nuinga o te wā, ina whakaaro tonu koe, ina whakamahi tonu rānei i aua kupu, ka puta he āhua o te whanonga a te tangata kē atu i te āhua e whakaahuahia ana e koe. Ka kiia tēnei he poropititanga whai-whaiaro, ā, i te nuinga o te wā ka tangohia ngā tūponotanga katoa mō te whakapai ake. 

E whakaae ana a Ruchi "ka puta te whakahawea i roto i te āhua o te kōrero ā-waha, pērā i te tawai, te karanga ingoa, ngā kōrero pukuriri , me te tawai ina kōrero tō hoa. Ko te tikanga o te kōrero ka huri ki ēnei whakaaro kino, te kimi hapa, me te whakapouri i te hoa, kaua ki te whakatau i ngā pakanga."

2. Ka matapaetia te whanonga

Ki te tīmata tetahi ki te tuku i ōna ake kare ā-roto me ōna kare ā-roto ki tētahi atu, ka kiia tēnei ko te 'Whakaaturanga Whakaata'. Hei tauira, ki te riri tō hoa, ā, ka whakapae koe he riri koe, he take tēnei o te whakaataata. Ki te hiahia rānei koe ki tētahi atu, ā, ka tīmata koe ki te whakapae i tō hoa mō te takaro noa, he rite tonu te āhuatanga. Mā te mahi i tēnei i ngā wā katoa ka puta te hauhautanga me te piki haere o te pakanga. Tērā pea ka arahi atu te tangata kē ki te whai i te whanonga tonu i whakaaturia ki a rātou. 

3. Ka piki haere te whakahawea i roto i te wā 

Kia tīmata te hurihuri o te pōro whakahāwea, he iti noa iho ngā mea ka taea e te tangata kē atu te mahi hei aukati. Ahakoa ngā huringa whanonga, kāore e ranea hei whakarerekē i tēnei wāhanga whakahāwea o te wehenga . Koia te take e tohe ana ngā tohunga me mutu wawe te whanonga whakahāwea ina mōhio te tangata ki te kare ā-roto/te whanonga pēnei.

4. Ka huri anō hoki i te tangata kia whakahawea 

Ka whakarerekē te whakahawea i te hanganga o tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, he whakamate puku hoki i te whanaungatanga. Mō te tangata e pāngia ana e te whakahawea, ko ngā kare ā-roto kino tonu, pērā i te riri, he mea kino ki ngā whakaaro me te whakaaro ki a ia anō. E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau, ki te kore koe e aro ki te whakahawea, ka pā hoki ki tō pūnaha io, ka puta ake he ngoikore o te ārai mate, he mate tinana, me te ngenge. 

5. Ka taea e te whakahawea te whakaputa pānga pōrearea 

Ko te pono, ki te noho tahi koe me tētahi tangata whakahawea, ka tīmata koe ki te aro atu ki te whakahawea, ka awehia koe, ā, ka whakanui ake i te pakanga. 

He Pānui e Pā Ana: He rite te kore aro, te kore whakaute rānei ki te tinihanga i te hoa rangatira?

6. Te kōrero i roto i te āhua whakaute kore

Ki te whakaatu koe, tō hoa rānei i tētahi o ēnei whanonga e whai ake nei, tera pea ka kitea te whakahawea. Ko ētahi o ngā tohu:  

• Kāore e whakarongo ana, e mamae ai te ngākau
• Te whakararuraru tonu i tētahi atu, me te whakaatu ngā pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ngoikore
• Kāore e tukua te tangata kē kia whakaoti i āna rerenga kōrero, kia whakapuaki rānei i ōna whakaaro me te kōrero i ngā mea katoa

Ko te tikanga, ko te whakamārama kāore ngā kare ā-roto o te tangata i te tika tētahi o ngā take e piki haere ai te pakanga. 

7. Te whakatika tonu i te mea kē 

Mā te pāngia e te whakahawea i roto i te whanaungatanga ka tīmata te whakaaro o ngā hoa tokorua he hoariri. Ko te hiahia ki te tohu tonu i ngā hapa o te tangata, me te whakatika i aua hapa, he whakaiti, he kino hoki. 

8. Ka noho te tawai me te whakahē hei tikanga noa 

Ka nui haere ngā kōrero, ā, he maha ngā wā ka puta ngā kōrero mamae i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga whakahawea. Mā te tawai, te whakahē, me te ngākau kino ka tangohia te harikoa o te whanaungatanga, ka puta hoki te ngangau i waenganui i ngā taha e rua.

9. Ētahi atu tohu kore-waha 

Haunga te reo me te nekehanga o te reo, he maha atu anō ngā tohu me ngā tohu mā te reo tinana e whakaatu ana i te tautohetohe i waenganui i te tokorua. Ka tāpiri atu a Ruchi, "Ko te hurihuri o ngā kanohi, te aue hōhonu, te oho ina pāngia, te whakatoi, tae noa ki te hamama ina kōrero te tangata kē atu, he tohu i te whakahawea i roto i te āhua kore-waha." 

10. Kua ngaro te aroha 

Ina pāngia koe e te whakahawea ki te āhua o tō hoa, ka ngaro atu ngā kare pai kē atu. Ka memeha haere te aroha, te manaaki, te aroha, te whakaute, te whakamoemiti rānei i pā ki a koe i te roanga o te wā. Kāore koe e hiahia ana ki te noho tahi me te pai o te wā kounga , ki te pārekareka rānei ki tā rāua noho tahi. Ā, e rua ngā huarahi e pai ai tēnei - mō te tangata e whakaatu ana i te whakahawea me te tangata e whiwhi ana i te whakahawea.

E whakamārama ana a Ruchi, "Ko te kore rawa o te aroha ki tō hoa rangatira, te kore e taea te mārama ki ō rātou tirohanga mō tētahi take, te whakakore i ō rātou kare ā-roto me ō rātou matea he mea koretake, te whakahē i te āhua o te hoa rangatira, kaua ki te mahi ki te whakatau i ngā take motuhake me te whanaungatanga hauora, he tohu katoa ēnei o te kore aro me te whakahawea."

Ko ētahi atu tohu e whakaatu ana i te whakahawea i roto i te whanaungatanga ko:

• Te kore whakaute 
• Te ahua kei te whakataetae koe me tō hoa, ā, kei te piki haere te pakanga
• Te kore e taea te whai kōrero rangimārie 
• Kāore tō hoa e rite ki te hoa rangatira, engari ki te tangata whenua kē 

Pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Tohu Whakatūpato Kei te Ngaro te Hiahia o tō Hoa ki te Hononga

Te Whakangaromanga i te Hononga e te Whakahāwea 

Ina uru mai ngā kare ā-roto o te whakahawea ki tētahi whanaungatanga, ka tere te hē o ngā mea. Ko te mea i tīmata noa hei hurihuri kanohi me te whakatoi, ka huri wawe hei tawai ki te āhua o tētahi atu, hei tawai mō ā rātou whiringa oranga, me ngā kare ā-roto o te whakarihariha me te mauahara ki tētahi hoa. Kāore tētahi o ēnei kare ā-roto e whai wāhi ki te wairua noho tahi, ki te aroha rānei o tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko ngā pūtake tonu o tētahi whanaungatanga, pērā i te whakaute, te aroha, te whakamoemiti, me te haumaru, kei te mōrearea.

E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau ka taea e te whakahawea i roto i te marena, i tetahi hononga rānei te whakararu i ētahi mate hinengaro me te mate tinana. Ina mauheretia i roto i ngā hononga whakahawea, ka nui ake te tūponotanga o te mate me te hekenga o te ārai mate. Ahakoa ko koe te hoa e whakahawea ana ki tētahi atu, ko koe rānei te tangata e pāngia ana e taua momo mahi kino, ka whakamōhio te hinengaro huna ki a koe kāore i te pai ngā mea katoa mā te whakaiti i tō ārai mate. Nō reira, ka nui ake pea tō mate, ka pāngia hoki koe e ngā mate pēnei i te makariri, te mare, te kirika, me ētahi atu mate.

Me pēhea te whakatau i te whakahawea i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Ki te kore te hoa e whakahawea ana e mārama he raruraru kei roto, ā, e whakapau kaha ana ki te huri i tētahi mea, kāore e nui ngā mea hei whakaora i taua whanaungatanga. Ahakoa te kaha o te hoa kē ki te huri i ōna huarahi hei whakamanawareka i te hoa kē, kāore e maha ngā wā ka pai ake te āhua. 

Nā, ki te whakaatu te āhuatanga i te tūmanako ka houhia te rongo, ā, e hiahia ana ngā hoa e rua ki te mahi ki te whakatika i te whanaungatanga , tera ētahi mahi ka taea te mahi hei whakatau i te whakahawea i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko ētahi o ēnei ko:

1. Tiimata iti 

Mena kei te ngaro koe i roto i te paru o ngā kare ā-roto whakahawea ki tō hoa, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakarerekē i ngā mea, ko tētahi huarahi ki te mahi i tēnā ko te tīmata iti. Ko tētahi rautaki e whakamahia ana e te nuinga o ngā kaitohutohu whanaungatanga ko te tango i ngā takahanga iti ki te hanga whanaungatanga hauora mā te kōrero atawhai ki tō hoa, te mōhio rānei ki tō reo tinana ina kōrero koe, ina taunekeneke rānei ki a rātou. Ka taea te whakamahi i tēnei rautaki hei whakauru i te ngāwari ki roto i ngā kōrero uaua.

Ka raru pea te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga i te taumahatanga me ngā kare ā-roto. Mēnā he take kei a koe e hiahia ana kia kōrerohia, he pai ki te whakahaere mā te:

• Kia mōhio ki te reo e whakamahia ana e koe
• Te karo i te whakahē me te whakatoi hei huarahi tiaki 
• Te whakaute ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa 
• Te pono mō ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe 
• Kia kotahi te take i ia wā, kaua e pehia tō hoa ki ngā amuamu maha

2. Whakaatuhia o hiahia 

I a koe e kōrero ana ki tō hoa, kia tino whakamahia ngā kupu e tīmata ana ki te 'Au'. Ina anga atu tō kōrero ki te rohe 'koe', he rite ki te whakahē me te whakapae ki tō hoa. Kia mau tonu te arotahi ki a koe anō, ki ō kare ā-roto, me ō hiahia, engari kia mahara ki te whai wā me te wāhi mō ngā kare ā-roto me te āhua hinengaro o te tangata kē. 

3. Akohia kia kaua e tiaki 

E rua ngā mea e hiahiatia ana hei whakahaere i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, ko tētahi wāhanga o tēnā mahi ko te whakarongo. Ina whiriwhiria e koe kia noho hei kaiwhakarongo pai me te hinengaro tuwhera, kaua e whakahē, e whakahē rānei, he maha ngā mea ka taea te whakatutuki hei houhanga rongo. Whakamahia tēnei wā hei whai wāhitanga mā kōrua ki te mahi tahi hei hoa mahi, me te aro atu ki te wero hei rōpū, kaua e aro ki te raruraru e pā ana.

4. Ako ki te whakahaere i a koe anō 

Mā te whakahawea ka tino uaua te kōrero me te kore whakahē, nā te mea kei te riri tonu koe, kei te pōuri hoki ki tō hoa. He pai ake te whai wā okioki me te whakahaere i ō kare ā-roto i mua i te whakatau i ngā raruraru. Tērā pea he mea ngāwari pēnei i te hikoi, te tuhi rānei i tētahi pukapuka.

Pānui e pā ana: Te Māramatanga i roto i ngā Hononga: Te Tikanga, Me pēhea te Whakaatu me ētahi Tohutohu Ngaro

5. Kia kaha 

Ina rongo koe i te aroha me te whakaute ki tō hoa, ka tino uaua ki te whakahē, ki te whakatoi rānei i a rātou. I roto i tēnei wairua, he tohu nui o te houhanga rongo ko te whakatipu i ngā kare ā-roto o te maioha me te aroha ki tō hoa. Whakamaumahara ki a koe anō mō ​​ngā mea i kukume i a koe ki a rātou i te tīmatanga o tō whanaungatanga, ā, rapua ngā huarahi hei whakawhetai mō ngā mea kei a koe. Whakaritea taua pō whakatā, tīmatahia taua kōrero ngākau ki te ngākau, ā, haere tonu ki mua. 

6. Kaua e wareware ki te tūranga e takarohia ana e koe 

Hei whakamutunga, ko koe te kawenga mō ēnei kare ā-roto o te whakahawea kua mimiti haere mai. Nō reira, kua tae ki te wā kia whakaae koe ki te kawenga mō ō whanonga. Kaua e rapu huarahi hei whakamārama, kaua hoki e huri i te whakapae ki tō hoa . Engari, me aro atu ki te whakahawea me ngā mea e pāngia ana, ā, me whakatau tahi me tō hoa. Ko ngā whanaungatanga aroha ka hangaia i runga i te whakaae ki te tūranga o te tangata i roto i tētahi āhuatanga uaua. Koinei te wā ki te kī 'aroha mai' me te whai tikanga.

Ka tāpirihia e Ruchi ēnei hei huarahi hei whakatau i te whakahawea i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga: 

• Nga rohe: He mea nui te mārama me te whakatū rohe i roto i te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa whakahawea. Me whakatū ngā rohe me te mārama me te whakaute. Me whakakaha pea ēnei rohe ina hiahiatia, me te matapaki i ngā hua i mua i te wā.

• Whakawhitiwhitiwhiti: Me kōrero māia, māia, me te pūmau hoki e kore koe e pai ki tēnei whanonga. Me kī atu ki a rātou he kino tēnei ki te whanaungatanga. Mēnā he tautoko tāu hoa, ka ngana pea rātou ki te whakatika i tēnei whanonga.

• Whakaaroaro-whaiaro: Pātai atu ki a koe anō, “He aha tāku e taea ai te mahi rerekē?” me “He aha taku e whai wāhi atu ana ki tēnei whanonga?” Ka āwhina ēnei pātai i a koe ki te whai kawenga, whakapai ake i te korero, me te whakatika i tō ake whanonga/tauhohenga

7. Whakaarohia te tuku tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine   

Hei whakamutunga, ko te kaupapa tohutohu mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, koinei tonu te huarahi tika ki te houhanga rongo. He maha ngā huarahi ka taea e te rongoā te āwhina. Ka whai wāhi haumaru kōrua ko tō hoa ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te mārama ki ō tauhohenga. Ka taea e te tohunga hauora hinengaro, e te kaiwhakaora rānei mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te āwhina i te tautuhi i ngā wero me te kimi rautaki hei whakapai ake i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Kia mahara, he mea nui te kimi i tētahi kaiwhakaora mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e pai ana mō ngā taha e rua. 

Ahakoa he whanonga paitini te whakahawea ka taea te whakararuraru i ngā whanaungatanga , he mea ka taea te whakatika. Mena kei roto i te āhuatanga te pakeketanga, te mōhiotanga kare ā-roto me te mōhio ki a ia anō, e kī ana ngā tohunga ka taea te ngaro atu te whakahawea.

I a kōrua ko tō hoa e tīmata ana ki te whakapau i te wā me te aro atu ki ngā kare ā-roto me ngā kare ā-roto uaua katoa e pā ana, tera pea ka kitea e koe ētahi wāhanga o tō kōrua whanaungatanga ka tere te whakapai ake, ko ētahi me nui ake te kaha. He wā uaua tēnei mō kōrua tokorua, ā, me nui te manawanui me te ngākau atawhai i a kōrua e anga whakamua ana. Tērā pea ka āwhina i te: 

• Whakaaetia ō rerekētanga, ā, whakautehia aua rerekētanga: Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e mōhio ana ki ō rāua rerekētanga, e whakaaro ana hoki ki aua rerekētanga hei kaha, ka māmā ake ki a rāua te ora ake i te uauatanga.
• Whakamātauria te mahi ina hiahiatia: Kāore he whanaungatanga e tino ōrite ana, ā, ka tae mai te wā ka hiahia tetahi tangata ki te mahi kaha ake i tetahi atu kia angitu ai 
• Whakaritea tetahi ki tetahi hei kaupapa matua: Kia mau tonu te whakapā. Whakapaua he wā kounga. Whakamaumahara tetahi ki tetahi he aha kōrua i aroha ai i te tuatahi. Whakahokia mai te maioha ki roto i te whārite.
• Kia tuwhera, kia pono: Kaua e huna tetahi i tetahi, engari me kōrero pono. He uaua te whakaora i te whakahawea i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea.

Ina kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga whakahawea, he mea tata kore e taea te whakamahara i a koe anō ki ngā rā tuatahi o te aroha me te ngākau mārie. Ina kī tonu te ao o ia rā i te whakahawea, te tawai, te riri, me te whakarihariha, tera pea he koretake. Engari kāore i ngaro katoa. Ka taea e koe te kimi huarahi hei whakamutu i te whakahawea ki tō hoa, me te aro atu ki te āhuatanga. Ā, ki te tū koe i tērā taha o te taiapa hei patunga o taua whanonga whakahawea, kua tae pea te wā ki te tū ake mōu ake, me te kī ko tō tika ki te harikoa mō ake tonu atu. 

6 Ngā Huarahi e Ngongo ai te Kawa ki roto i tō Hononga Aroha

11 Ngā Tauira o ngā Whanoke Whakangaromanga i a Koe Anō e Whakangaromanga Ana i ngā Hononga

Me pēhea te aroha ki a koe anō i roto i te whanaungatanga - 21 Tohutohu Whaihua

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.