He nui ngā ohorere i te ao o te whakaipoipo. Engari kaua tetahi mea pēnei i te, "Kei te whaia ahau e taku hoa tāne". I ētahi wā, ka puta mai ēnei ohorere i roto i ngā huarahi morearea, he āhua harakore i te tīmatanga, engari i te wā ka mōhio koe ehara, kua roa kē. Ko tētahi o aua wheako ko te wā ka mōhio koe ko te tangata e miharo ana ki a koe kei te whaia koe.
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kite i ngā tohu o te whakaipoipo i tētahi tangata whaiwhai, engari kia kitea rā anō, me wehe atu koe i taua whanaungatanga. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te pana atu i tētahi hoa aroha e whakaatu ana i ētahi tohu whakamataku o te whanonga āwangawanga i roto i te whanaungatanga. Heoi anō, he iti noa ngā tohu ka puta tonu mai. Nāu te tikanga, me pēhea te āta tirotiro i ēnei. Me mataara tonu te tangata, me te kite wawe i ēnei kia kore ai e whara i muri mai.
Ki te whakaaro koe kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata whaiwhai, kāore e taea e koe te noho kuware me te huna i ēnei tohu o te aroha nui. Tērā ētahi tāngata he nui ngā whanonga whaiwhai kei roto i a rātou, ā, me mōhio koe ki ēnei kia taea ai e koe te mawhiti i mua i te tere rawa o te pikinga o ngā mea. Tērā pea nā tō aroha ki a rātou koe i matapo ki ā rātou whanonga kino tae noa mai ki tēnei wā, engari i tēnei rā, tera pea ka ako koe me pēhea te aro atu ki ēnei mea.
Kei te tautoko mātou i tēnei rā, he kaitohutohu hinengaro Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), he tohunga whakahaere ira tangata me te whanaungatanga. Me āna tohutohu me te māramatanga ki te whanonga āwangawanga, kia kitea tātou mēnā kei te whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata whaiwhai.
Ngā Mea Mō 'Ngā Kaitātari me te Whaiwhai'
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Te papakupu reo Pākehā a Collin te tautuhi i te whaiwhai hei 'te mahi, te hara rānei o te whai, te whai rānei i tētahi tangata me te mau tonu, me te whakawehi rānei' me te kaiwhai hei 'te tangata e whai ana, e whaia ana rānei tētahi atu tangata i roto i te āhua whakawehi, whakamataku rānei.'
He rārangi angiangi tēnei i waenganui i te tino porangi i te aroha me te whanonga tino hiahia i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ā, anei te mea whakamataku rawa atu. He māmā ake te wareware i ngā tohu o te tangata whaiwhai mēnā kei te whakaipoipo koe i a rātou. Ka puta tēnei nā te mea e tata ana ki ngā tohu o te aroha, ā, nā te mea ko tō aroha ki a rātou e ārai ana i a koe ki te ao tūturu. E whakaaro ana koe he maha ā rātou mahi nā te aroha, ā, ka tukuna noa atu e koe. Hei tauira, ko te hoa tāne e tino aroha ana ki a koe, ka tirotirohia tonutia koe mā roto i ngā karere kuputuhi, waea, karere Facebook, me ētahi atu.
Tērā pea he mea noa tēnei i te tīmatanga, ā, tērā pea ka tino pai ki a koe. Engari, ki te mea kei te āhua pōrearea koe i te nui o ngā karere kuputuhi me ngā waea, ā, ka tīmata te whakawhāiti i tō wāhi whaiaro, kia tūpato, nā te mea he tohu pea tēnei he tangata whaiwhai ia. He pai ake te tūpato i te pouri!
Ka waiho e ngā kaiwhaiwhai ā rātou patunga me te māharahara e whakatoihia ana, e mataku ana, e tukinotia ana hoki. Engari he nui atu ngā āhuatanga o tēnā.
Anei ētahi kōrero whakamiharo1 mō ngā kaiwhai:
- Ko ngā tāne te nuinga o ngā kaitukino: 80.4% o ko ngā tāngata i tukinotia he wāhine, ko te nuinga o ngā kaimahi kino, (70.5%) he tāne
- Ka mahi ētahi i runga i ngā tūmomo whakawehi: 1 i roto i te 10 ngā kaiwhai, kāore nei i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga o mua, ka mahi i runga i ngā tūmomo whakawehi e mahia ana e rātou
- Ngā tatauranga o ngā patunga: 1 o te 5 wahine a 1 i roto i te 10 nga tane ka noho hei patunga o te whaiwhai ā-tinana i roto i tō rātou oranga pakeke
I te nuinga o te wā, ko ngā wāhine te hunga e whaia ana puta noa i te ao. Ko te nuinga o ēnei wā ko te hoa tāne, ko te hoa aroha rānei te hunga e whai wāhi tika ana.
Jaseena e kī ana, "He nui ake te pukumahi o ngā wāhine i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te hae, heoi he nui ake hoki ā rātou kōrero me te tika mō taua mea. Ka nui ake tā rātou whakapuaki i taua mea. Heoi, he rerekē te huarahi a ngā tāne. Ina mataku, ina pōrangi hoki ngā tāne, ka nui ake tā rātou whakapuaki i taua mea mā roto i ngā mahi ka arahi pea ki ngā momo whanonga pōrangi me te whaiwhai."
Kāore pea tēnei e herea noa ki te whai i te wahine ki tana wāhi e haere ana. Ko te whaiwhai he maha ngā wā ka uru atu ki te tirotiro i ngā rawa o te patunga, te waiho i ngā īmēra whakawehi, ngā karere SMS me WhatsApp, ngā tuhipoka, tae atu ki ngā hara o te ngākau nuiKua tūtaki pea koe ki tētahi wahine kua amuamu mō tana hoa tāne o mua e whaiwhai ana i a ia, kua kī mai rānei ia, "Ka whaiwhai mai taku hoa tāne i ahau, ā, ka aroturuki mai i ahau i ētahi wā."
E mōhiotia ana ēnei kaiwhai hetia mātakitaki me te whai i ngā wāhine mō tētahi wā. kaua kau kia kore e arohia i raro i nga ahuatanga katoa. He uaua te āhua o tēnei hara, ā, he maha ngā wā kāore e ripoatatia ana, ā, ka ngawari poheheEngari ka kitea tonutia ngā tohu o te kaiwhai, me pānui e koe. āta.
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12 Ngā Tohu Kei te Whakaipoipo Koe i tētahi Kaitautoko, ā, Me Wehe Koe mō Ake Tonu
Kia kite koe i ngā tohu tuatahi e whaia ana koe e tō hoa aroha, me mahi koe. tere ki runga i tēnei. Kāore e ranea te kī noa "I hopukia e au taku hoa tāne e whaia ana ahau". Me tū atu anō hoki koe mōu ake.
He tino āwangawanga te mōhio kei te whāia koe. Tērā pea ka pā he pānga hinengaro mō te wā roa. He rārangi angiangi rawa e wehe ana i te aroha mai i te āwangawanga nui, ā, me tūpato kei whiti i taua rārangi.. Ki te mōhio koe kei te whaia koe, me whakarite koe mō ngā mahi uaua hei mahi i mua i tō whakamutu tō hononga ki tētahi kaiwhai.
Engari i mua i tō mahi i tēnā, me whakaū tāua i tō whakaaro mō ake tonu atu. Anei ngā tohu e whakaatu ana kei te piri tahi koe me tētahi tangata whaiwhai:
1. Ka hopukina koe e ia i te kāinga, i te tari rānei, kāore i te mōhiotia
I muri tata mai i ō hui tuatahi, i ō whakawhitiwhiti kōrero rānei, ka ohorere koe i a ia me te toro atu ki tō tari, ki tō kāinga rānei, kāore i te whakamaheretia.Ka taea e ia te waiho i a koutou katoa kia ohorere mai i te mea tērā pea Kāore i tika kia mōhio wawe ia ki te wāhitau. Tērā pea ka tino pāngia koe e tēnei whaiwhai nui. Ki te mōhio koe kāore koe i hoatu i tō wāhitau ki a ia, kāore ianei i te tino whakamataku tana kitenga i a ia anō?
E kī ana a Jaseena ki a tātou, "Mā te tirotiro i a koe pēnei ka tino arahi ki tētahi pakaru o te whakawhirinaki i roto i tō whanaungatanga. E mataku tonu ana rātou kei mahi koe i tētahi mea hē, kei whara rānei i a rātou. Ā, ko te mea kino rawa atu, he mea noa iho pea māna te tirotiro haere i a koe.”
2. Ngā tohu he tangata whaiwhai ia — ka noho tonu ia ki te hiahia mō te wāhi e haere atu ai koe
Kāore ia e tino whakapono ki ngā kupu e kōrerotia ana e koe ki a ia. Ina kōrerotia e koe te wāhi i haere ai koe, me tautoko ia i roto i te ahua o ngā taunakitanga. Ka ngana ia ki te tono whakaahua i tangohia e koe i reira, ka pātai atu rānei ki ō hoa. Ka ngana rānei ia ki te kī he pai ake tana mōhio ki te wāhi i noho ai koe i a koe. Ka taea e tēnei whanonga te tino kia riri koe, hei kī atu. Nō reira, whakaarohia he mea pea tēnei tohu kei te whaiwhai anō hoki ia i a koe.
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3. Te āhua nei kei te hiahia ia ki te tūtaki ki tō whānau
Āe, koinei tētahi o ngā āhuatanga e kore e taea te whakakorekore o tētahi hoa tāne whaiwhai. He wā tōna mō ngā mea katoa. Ka haere tonu te whanaungatanga i ia taahiraa, i ia taahiraa. Engari e hiahia ana ia ki te haere i tētahi atu taumata, kia tūtaki ki ō mātua, ahakoa kāore anō koe kia tae ki tēnā taumata. te wāhanga o tō whanaungatanga. Mā te hoa tāne e whaiwhai ana i a koe ka whakarite i a ia anō ki ngā kōrero katoa mōu me tō whānau. Me tere rawa tēnei mahi tino whakararuraru i a koe.
4. Ka pakaru te reinga katoa ki te kore koe e whakautu wawe ki tana waea, ki ana karere rānei
Kāore ia e mārama he pukumahi noa iho koe ki tētahi atu mea, ki waho rānei i te whatunga, ki waho noa iho rānei kāore e tirotiro ana i tō waea i taua wā. Kia tukuna atu rā tō whakautu ki a ia, ka tae atu tō waea kua waipuketia me ngā kōrero kino, koretake hoki mōu tika te whakaroa e murua anaKa ngaro rawa atu ia i a ia anō, ā, ka tuku karere pāme tonu ia ki a koe.
E kī ana a Jaseena ki a tātou, "Mā te tuku pātai ki tō hoa, me te tirotiro tonu i te hoa, ka pāngia pea koe e te maha o ngā pānga. Tērā pea ka whakaaro te tangata kāore ia e whakawhirinakihia ana, ā, ka whakaaro anō hoki ia kei te tirotirohia te whanaungatanga. Ā tōna wā, ka tīmata ia ki te kore e aro ki aua karere, ā, ka nui ake te aro o te tangata whaiwhai, me te riri. Tērā pea ka tīmata te hoa e tirotirohia ana ki te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga."
5. E tumanako ana ia kia whakaae tonu koe ki a ia
Ko tētahi tohu nui o te hiahia nui me te whaiwhai ko te kore e pai o tō hoa tāne ki te tango i te whakautu 'Kāo'.. E kino ana ia ki te whakarongo ki te kupu 'Kāo' mai i a koe, ā, e tumanako ana ia, e tohe ana hoki kia whakaae koe. AhauKo tana ara tēnei, ko te huarahi nui rāneiHe tangata tohe tonu ia, ā, ko tana ake huarahi anake ka taea e ia te kite. He tino mahi tēnei kaiwhakakore whakaaetangaMe tūpato koe.
6. E whakawehi ana ia ki te whara i a ia anō
Ina tīmata ia ki te mōhio kei te hiahia koe ki te whakamutu i te whanaungatanga, ka whakaatu ia i tana hiahia ki te whara i a ia anō. Tērā pea he tino rite ēnei ki te nui ngā mahere kino. I ngā wā tino kino o te aroha, ka kī pea ngā kaiwhaiwhai kei te whakamahere rātou ki te whakamutu i ō rātou oranga. I taua wā, kei te whakaaro pea koe, "Me aha koe ki tētahi hoa tāne o mua e kaiwhaiwhai ana, e kore nei e whakarērea koe?"
E kī ana a Jaseena ki a tātou, "Ko te whara i a koe anō he akiaki e puta mai ana i te āwangawanga ki tētahi tangata. He momo whakapouri aronganui — me te mōhio pai kei te aroha tonu te tangata ki a ia. Kāore tēnei whanonga e whakaaetia ana nā te mea kāore i te pono ngā kare ā-roto, ā, he whanonga tino aro ki a ia anō.”
7. Ngā āhuatanga o te hoa tāne whaiwhai – he hae nui ia
8. Ka kitea e ia ngā raraunga mōu i mua i tō hoatutanga atu ki a ia
9. He maha ngā waea kau mai i ngā nama kāore i te mōhiotia — he tohu tēnei he kaiwhaiwhai ia
Ā, te āhua nei ka mutu tonu te waea i muri i te rongonga i tō reo. Ko te mea kino rawa atu, ka noho puku ia i te waea, ka whakarongo ki tō urupare hei whakarite i tana mahi e whai ake nei. He tohu mārama tēnei o tētahi kaiwhai e whakapono ana koinei tika aroha, ā, kei te whakarite ia kei te pai koe. He maha ngā wā ka pohehe ngā kaiwhaiwhai, ā, ka mahi tahi rātou me ētahi atu momo mahi kino. ipurangi.
10. He tutei ia ki a koe
Ka huri tōna aroha hei waranga pukuriri, ā, kāore e taea e ia te tango i a koe i roto i tōna hinengaro. E hiahia ana ia kia mōhio tonu ia ki ngā mea katoa mōu, ahakoa me tono atu ia i tētahi hei tiki i ēnei taipitopito. Tērā pea kōrua tata tonu kia tūtaki pinepine rawa tetahi ki tetahi. Ehara tēnei i te mea hei kia tangohia he tūponotanga noa iho, ā, he tino āhuatanga tēnei o tētahi hoa tāne whaia.
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11. Kāore ia e pai ki te wehe atu koe i tōna taha i tētahi huihuinga pāpori
E hiahia ana ia ki te noho tahi me koe i te wā katoa i roto i tētahi huihuinga tūmatanui me ngā hoa, te whānau rānei. Mēnā ka neke haere koe, ka marie Ka mātakitaki ia i tō haerenga me te hunga e taunekeneke ana koe. Ka riri anō hoki ia ki a koe mēnā ka kōrero koe ki tētahi atu hoa tāne, ki tētahi atu hoa rānei. Ehara tēnei i te aroha; he taumata morearea pea o te hiahia nui.
E kī ana a Jaseena ki a tātou, "Ko te hoa e kore e kite i a koe e kōrero ana ki tētahi atu i tētahi pāti, ā, e kore rawa e wehe atu i tō taha, tera pea he tangata pōrangi, he tangata whai rawa, ā, he tohu anō hoki o te paranoia. I ahu mai tēnei i te koretake o taua tangata, ā, kāore he pānga ki te hoa kē. Ko te kore aroha o ngā mātua, tae noa ki tētahi whara o te tamarikitanga, tera pea ka pēnei tonu te āhua o ō rātou whakaaro. Ka āwangawanga tonu rātou. Koinei anō hoki te mea ka arahi ki te whakahaere i te whanonga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.”
12. Ka uiui tonu ia i ō hoa
Tērā pea ka pā kino ēnei momo whanaungatanga ki a koe, ā, me kimi e koe he ara hei puta atu i aua whanaungatanga. Kaua e whakapoauautia te hiahia ki te oranga o te hoa me te hiahia nui rawa atu e tata ana ki te porangi ki te aroha.. Ka taea e tēnei whanonga whāia, whaiwhai, te kore e taea te whakahaere i ngā wā katoa, ā, ka pahū, ka puta he maha ngā raruraru mō ngā hoa tokorua, tae atu ki ngā whānau e whai pānga ana..
Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whai hoa rangatira pēnei, he mea rānei e kore e taea te whakakorekore noa. Whakarongo ki ā mātou tohutohu mō te aha e tika ana kia mahia ki tētahi hoa tāne o mua, ki tētahi hoa tāne rānei e whaiwhai ana i a koe, ā, me mutu te whai i a ia i te wā e taea ai.
He wahine tika ahau i whaia e tētahi atu wahine, ā, he rite tonu te whakamataku.
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
Sehr lehrreich aber leider keine Lösungsansätze
Sehr lehrreich aber leider keine Lösungsansätze