He aha te tikanga o te 'Pupuri wāhi mō tētahi', ā, me pēhea te mahi?

Ko te kupu rongonui i ēnei rā ko te 'pupuri wāhi mō tētahi'. I te tuatahi, tera pea ka hē koe he rite tonu ki te hoatu wāhi ki tētahi. Engari ehara i te mea koinā te tikanga. Kei te mahara koe ki te wāhanga o This Is Us i pāngia ai a Randall e te whakaeke manukanuka kino rawa atu? Ā, ko tā tōna tuakana, a Kevin, he noho ki reira mōna, me te kore he whakahē, he tohutohu rānei. Āe, koinā anake.

Hei tiki māramatanga taipitopito mō te pupuri i te wāhi mō tētahi tangata whai tikanga, i kōrero mātou ki a Pooja Priyamvada , he kaiako mō te oranga ngākau me te aroātea (he tohunga ia mō te Āwhina Tuatahi mō te Hauora Hinengaro me te Hinengaro mai i te Kura Hauora Tūmatanui o Johns Hopkins Bloomberg me te Whare Wānanga o Sydney). He tohunga ia ki te tohutohu mō ngā moepuku i waho o te marena, te wehenga, te wehenga, te pouri me te mate, hei tauira noa iho.

He aha te tikanga o te pupuri i te wāhi mō tētahi?

E ai ki a Pooja , "Ko te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi ko te tuku i a rātou ki te tukatuka me te whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto, me te noho tonu ki reira hei tautoko i a rātou me te kore whakahē, me te kore tono whakaaro."

Tērā pea kei te raru tō teina, teina rānei ki te whakaae ki tōna tuakiri takatāpui. Kua mate rānei tō hoa i tētahi mātua. Kei te wehe ō mātua, kei te āwangawanga rānei mō te oranga i muri i te wehenga . Kei te pāngia rānei tō whanaunga e te mate hinengaro. Kua mate pāwera rānei tētahi e mōhiotia ana e koe.

I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, kāore rātou e hiahia ki tētahi kaitiaki, ki tētahi kaiwhakatikatika raruraru rānei. Ko tā rātou anake e hiahia ana he tangata hei tautoko i a rātou, hei whakarongo mārie, hei whakarongo puku, hei whakarongo tuwhera, hei kore whakahē, hei aro nui hoki. He tino māmā te ahua o te noho hei tautoko i tētahi, engari i te ao tūturu, he tino uaua ake i tēnā. Kia kite tātou me pēhea.

Pānui e pā ana: Ngā Kaupapa Taketake e 7 o te Tautoko i roto i te Hononga

Ngā Tohutohu mō te Pupuri Wāhi mō tētahi

E waiata ana i te waiata matua o FRIENDS i tēnei wā tonu, "Nō reira, kāore tetahi i kī atu ki a koe ka pēnei te āhua o te ao. He kata noa iho tāu mahi, kua kore rawa koe. Kua kore rawa tō ao aroha. Me te mea kei te mau tonu koe i te taputapu tuarua. I te mea ehara i te mea ko tō rā, ko tō wiki, ko tō marama, ko tō tau rānei, engari..."

"...Ka noho ahau hei tautoko i a koe (Ina tīmata te ua), Ka noho ahau hei tautoko i a koe (Pērā i taku noho ki reira i mua), Ka noho ahau hei tautoko i a koe (Nā te mea kei reira koe hei tautoko i ahau)." Kāore i te rawaka te waiata i tēnei waiata mō tētahi. He aha ngā tohutohu hei tautoko i a koe? Mā te pupuri i te wāhi mō tētahi. Ā, me pēhea te mahi i tēnei? Kia kitea tātou.

1. Whakarongo kaha

He toi te whakarongo pai. He nui te manawanui me te aroha e hiahiatia ana. I kōrero mai a Sarah mō tana wehenga engari ko taku i whakaaro ai ko te tono rimurapa i roto i te ranu mā, i te ranu whero rānei. Ka pā tēnei ki a tātou katoa. Ka kopikopiko ō tātou hinengaro. Ka whakaaro tātou kei te whakarongo tātou engari kāore tātou i te tino aro atu.

Nō reira, i te wā e pupuri ana koe i te wāhi mō te tangata e pouri ana, ngana kia tino noho ki te wā, me tō hinengaro, tinana me te wairua katoa. Kia noho hoa ki te wā puku. He aha te hiranga o te whakarongo pai? Nā te mea ina whakaratohia e koe he wāhi mō te wā puku ki tētahi, ka memeha atu ō rātou mamae i taua wā nā tō mahana me tō whakaae. Kātahi ka waiho hei wāhi haumaru, hei wāhi e taea ai te tuku i ō rātou kare ā-roto kua mau.

Ko te pupuri i te wāhi mō tētahi he tikanga pea kia aro ki ā rātou whanonga. Ngā roimata i roto i ō rātou kanohi. Te wiri tonu o ō rātou waewae i te manukanuka. Te nekenekehanga o ā rātou marau. Te tohu a ō rātou ringa i a rātou e kōrero ana. Te pakaru o ō rātou reo i waenganui. Mā te aro ki ēnei mea iti ka āwhina i a koe kia noho pakari, kia noho hoki i roto i te wā.

2. Ina pupuri wāhi koe mō tētahi, kaua e tuku otinga

Kāore e taea te whakatika i ngā raruraru katoa mā te otinga arorau. Ko ētahi raruraru he āhua kare ā-roto, ā, kāore e taea e te hinengaro te tuku i ngā otinga mō aua raruraru. Ka puta ngā mea pōuri, ā, ina amuamu tetahi ki a koe mō ēnei mea, tera pea kei te rapu noa rātou i tētahi wāhi hei whakaputa i ō rātou kare ā-roto nui me te kore e whakahengia. Ki te tukua e koe kia pērā, kei te whakatutuki koe i tētahi o ngā āhuatanga o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora.

I te kōrero atu ahau ki taku hoa a Taylor mō te manukanuka i ētahi wā. Ā, i mua i taku mutunga ki te whakapuaki i ōku kare ā-roto, ka tīmata a Taylor ki te tuku otinga pēnei i te, "Āe, ki taku whakaaro me whakaiti te whakamahi i a Instagram. Ā, me uru atu koe ki tētahi wāhi mahi tahi." Engari he hohonu ake taku manukanuka i tērā. I ahu mai i te wehenga o ōku mātua me te mamae o aku whanaungatanga o mua. Kāore e taea e te whakaiti i te whakamahi i a Instagram me te whakauru atu ki tētahi wāhi mahi tahi te whakatika i aua raruraru, tika?

Nō reira, kaua e ngana ki te mahi hei kaiwhakaora hinengaro, hei kaiwhakatikatika rānei. Ki te haere mai tētahi ki a koe me tētahi raruraru, kua mōhio kē rātou ki ngā mahi hei mahi mā rātou. Ina waiho he wāhi mō tētahi e pouri ana, ngana ki te waiho i tō whakapehapeha, i ō hiahia, i ō whakapono me ō whakaaro ki mua i a koe. Kaua e whakakore i ō rātou wheako, engari me kōrero mō rātou. Tukua rātou kia kōrero mō rātou anō. Tukua rātou kia kōrero i tā rātou kōrero, he mōhio ake rātou i a koe. 

3. Kaua e whakaititia ō rātou kare ā-roto

E whakanui ana a Pooja, "Kaua rawa e whakahē i te tukanga pouri o te tangata, tera pea ka huri haere rātou i roto i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te pouri i muri i te wehenga . Kia manawanui ki a rātou. Tukua rātou kia tukatuka i ō rātou pouri kia rite ki tā rātou e hiahia ai. Kia tautoko koe, kaua rawa e ngana ki te ārahi i te tukanga."

Ki te kore tetahi e eke ki te taumata o te whakamātautau whakataetae i muri i ngā whakamātautau maha, he mea koretake te kī atu, "E mōhio ana ahau kua pouri koe mō te korenga i te whakamātautau engari he whakamātautau noa iho. He nui atu ngā raruraru e pā ana ki te tangata. Heoi anō, he tuanui tōu mō te noho. Ā, kei te ora tonu ō mātua. Kia whakawhetai."

Āe, tera pea i kino atu. Engari i tēnei wā, i roto i ō rātou mahunga, he nui rawa ō rātou raruraru. Ā, ki te whakaititia e koe, ka tīmata rātou ki te whakama mō te pouri nui. Koinei te mea whakamutunga e hiahia ana koe ki te mahi ina pupuri wāhi koe mō tētahi.

Pānui e pā ana: Me whai wāhi ahau – He aha te huarahi pai ki te tono mō te wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga

4. Kaua e hanga kia pā ki a koe anō

E kī ana a Pooja, "Ina waiho e koe he wāhi mō tētahi, kaua e waiho hei mea māu ake. Ko ō rātou wheako me ō rātou kare ā-roto te mea nui, ehara i te mea māu ake." Tērā pea he maha āu tohutohu me ō wheako mō ngā āhuatanga o tō hoa, engari kāore pea i te wā tika hei whakapuaki i aua whakaaro.

Hei tauira, kua mate te mōkai a tō hoa, a Paul. Mena kua pāngia koe e te mamae rite tonu, ka hiahia pea koe ki te kī atu, "Āe, e mōhio ana ahau ki te āhua o te mamae. I mamae anō hoki ahau i te matenga o Leo. I roa te wā i mua i taku hohou i te rongo. Kei te ngaro tonu ahau i a Leo, ā, kāore e taea e au te mutu te whakaaro ki a ia."

Engari ko te kaupapa o tēnei kōrero ko te kōrero mō te mokai a Paul, a Cookie, me ngā kare ā-roto o Paul. Ehara i te mea ko te nui o tō aroha ki a Leo, ko te nui rānei o tō ngaro ki a Leo. Ae, ko ō whakaaro pea he mea kia rongo a Paul kei te aroha koe ki a ia, engari me waiho a Paul kia tū ki waenganui o te atamira, kia kōrero mō ōna kare ā-roto. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohutohu hei hanga whanaungatanga taurite.

5. Kaua rawa e whakahāwea

He aha te mea hei kōrero māu ina pupuri ana i te wāhi mō tētahi? Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "Mea atu: E rongo ana ahau i a koe. E mārama ana ahau he uaua ki a koe. Kāore he aha te kore e pai. Kei konei ahau mōu. He aha taku e taea ai te mahi māu?"

Ki te tinihanga tetahi i tana hoa, ā, ka haere mai ki a koe me te whakaaro he hara, tera pea ka whakamatautauria koe ki te kī, "He mea whakahē te mahi i mahia e koe. He tika kia pēnei tō whakaaro. Me pēhea koe e mahi ai i tētahi mea hara rawa atu? I mahara ahau he pai ake koe i tēnei! He tangata pono koe, he aha te mea kua pa ki a koe?" 

Nō reira, ki te rapu koe i te kupu "waiho wāhi mō tētahi tangata e whai tikanga ana", ko tōna tikanga he mahana, he tuwhera, he whakaae, me te tuku i te tangata kia pāngia e ngā kare ā-roto e pehia ana e rātou. Ki te hiahia rātou ki te tangi, tukua rātou. Ki te hiahia rātou ki te riri, tukua rātou. Kaua e whakahāwea. Kia aroha noa, kia atawhai hoki. Whakautehia tō rātou pono. Arotahi ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e rātou. Ki te whakahāwea tonutia rātou mō ā rātou mahi, ka arahi pea ki tētahi whanaungatanga kino.

He aha ngā painga o te pupuri wāhi mō tō hoa wahine ki tō whanaungatanga?

Kua tuhituhi a Heather Plett, te kaituhi o The Art of Holding Space , "He aha te tikanga o te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi atu? Ko tōna tikanga kei te hiahia tātou ki te haere tahi me tētahi atu i roto i tā rātou haerenga katoa me te kore e whakahē i a rātou, e meinga ana rātou kia whakaaro kāore i te rawaka, e ngana ana ki te whakatika i a rātou, e ngana ana rānei ki te pā ki te putanga."

"Ina waiho e tātou he wāhi mō ētahi atu tāngata, ka whakatuwherahia e tātou ō tātou ngākau, ka tuku tautoko mutunga kore, ā, ka tukuna atu te whakahē me te mana whakahaere." Ā, he aha ngā painga o te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi, pērā i tō hoa rangatira, ki tō whanaungatanga? Kia kite tātou.

Pānui e pā ana: 11 Ngā Mea e Tupu Ana i roto i ngā Hononga Kore Whakawhirinaki

1. Mā te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi ka piki ake te whakawhirinaki

He rite ki ngā kupu o te waiata Sign Of The Times nā Harry Styles: "Kāore tātou e kōrero nui. Me whakatuwhera tātou. I mua i te nui rawa o ngā mea katoa. Ka ako rānei tātou? Kua tae tātou ki konei i mua. Ko tā tātou e mōhio ana..." Nō reira, he nui ō kōrero me tō whakatuwheratanga ki tō hoa? Ko te mea nui, kei te whakawhirinaki kōrua tetahi ki tetahi?

He aha ngā painga o te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi? Ka taea e tō whanaungatanga te noho hei wāhi pono, kāore hoki e whakahēngia mēnā ka puta he raruraru. Ina pupuri wāhi koe mō tō hoa aroha, ka iti ake tō rātou noho mokemoke, ka iti ake hoki te whakahē i a rātou anō. E whakaaro ana rātou kei te manakohia rātou, ahakoa ō rātou ngoikoretanga me ō rātou hapa katoa. Ka meinga hoki rātou kia whakaaro ka taea e rātou te whakawhirinaki ki a koe, ahakoa te āhua o te kore whakamarie o ō rātou raruraru. Nō reira, ko te pupuri wāhi tētahi o ngā wāhanga nui o te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga.

2. Ka taea te whakatipu i tētahi taumata hou o te whanaungatanga

Me aha te kōrero ina pupuri wāhi ana mō tētahi? I ētahi wā he pai ake te kore kōrero i tetahi mea. E kī ana a Pooja, "Ki te mea he rā kino tō hoa i te mahi, ā, kāore e hiahia ki te whakaatu i ngā taipitopito, kaua e akiaki i a rātou. Ki te mea rānei kei te pāngia tō hoa e tetahi mea kāore e hiahia ki te whakapuaki wawe tonu, kia mārama ki tēnā, me kī atu kei reira koe hei tautoko i a rātou, i ngā wā katoa e pai ana ki a rātou."

Ina hoatu e koe he wāhi ki tō hoa, ka hoatu e koe he wā ki a rātou ki te tukatuka i ō rātou kare ā-roto. Mā tēnei ka noho noa rātou, kaua e noho pōrearea i te whakaaro o te kawenga ki tētahi. Ka pā tika tēnei herekore ki te haumaru o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga . Mā te hoatu wāhi ki a kōrua ka taea te whakatata atu i a kōrua.

3. Ka waiho te whanaungatanga hei wāhi haumaru

Me pēhea te pupuri i te wāhi mō te tangata e riri ana? Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "Ina ngana koe ki te pupuri i te wāhi mō te tangata e riri ana, tukua kia puta te riri me te kore e whara i a rātou anō, i a koe rānei. Hoatu he huarahi ki a rātou ki te whakapuaki i tō rātou riri i roto i te huarahi hauora pērā i te hākinakina pukuriri."

Ko te kaupapa matua kia whakaaetia te tangata kia whakawhirinaki ki ō rātou ake pūmanawa me ō rātou mātauranga. Me whakarite kia haumaru rātou kia hinga, kia mōhio hoki ka taea e rātou te whakamātau anō. Ko te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi ko te tuku wāhi mō te maia ki te whakamātau i ngā tūponotanga kia taea ai e rātou te tūhura i ō rātou ake manawanui. Ngāna kia whakamanahia rātou kia whakawhirinaki ki a rātou anō, ki ō rātou pūmanawa me ō rātou ake rauemi o roto. Mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te hono atu ki tō hoa i runga i te taumata hohonu ake.

Engari kia maumahara hoki ki te whakatū rohe mō te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi. Me pēhea te whakatakoto i aua rohe? Ka whakahoki a Pooja, "Me noho te tangata ki te wāhi whakarongo me te wāhi manaaki kia pērā ai. Kāore he painga o te ngana ki te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi ina kāore ia i te pai te wairua, i te tino pai rānei. Nō reira, tiakina tō ake hauora hinengaro i te tuatahi."

Ko tētahi atu āhuatanga o te whakatakoto rohe mō te pupuri wāhi mō tētahi ko te pupuri wāhi mōu ake. E kī ana a Pooja, "I ētahi wā me pupuri wāhi tātou mō tātou anō, ko te tikanga me mahi tātou i ngā mahi aroha me te manaaki i a tātou anō e mahia ana e tātou mō ētahi atu, mō tātou anō."

Ki te mea ka pāngia koe e ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi atu, e ō kare ā-roto rānei, kaua e whakamā ki te rapu āwhina ngaio. Kua whakangungua tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro ki te pupuri i te wāhi mō ā rātou tūroro. He pāwhiri noa iho te tawhiti ki ā mātou kaitohutohu mai i te rōpū Bonobology .

9 Ngā Tauira o ngā Rohe Kare ā-roto i roto i ngā Hononga

E whitu ngā huarahi e whakaarohia ana e te tohunga hei āwhina i tētahi e raru ana te whakawhirinaki

Ngā Tohutohu Matua e 9 hei Hanga Whakawhirinaki i roto i ngā Hononga

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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