Te Kōrero Tuatahi i Muri i te Wehenga – 8 Ngā Mea Tino Hira Hei Mahara

He uaua ngā wehenga. He uaua ake te kōrero tuatahi i muri i ngā wehenga. Tērā pea nā te mea kua pouri koe i a koe e whakapono ana, e tumanako ana hoki ka pai te whanaungatanga. Nā te mea rānei i wehe kōrua i runga i ngā tikanga kino. Tērā pea kei te mau tonu ō kōrua kare ā-roto tetahi ki tetahi. He mea whakararuraru te kōrero ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i ngā marama o te whakamahi i te ture kore-pā, nā te mea he tino whakama.

He tata nei rangahau I whakahaerehia te rangahau me te 3,512 tāngata hei tirotiro mēnā ka houhia te rongo o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ā, mēnā i houhia, kia pēhea te roa o te noho tahi, me te mea kua rerekē ō rātou hihiri/kare ā-roto i roto i te wā. I kitea ko te 15% o ngā tāngata i hoki mai anō ki tā rātou hoa o mua, ko te 14% i hoki tahi anō hei wehe anō, ā, ko te 70% kāore i hoki anō ki te whanaungatanga.  

Te Kōrero Tuatahi i Muri i te Wehenga – 8 Ngā Mea Tino Hira Hei Mahara 

He maha ngā wā ka uaua haere ngā whanaungatanga i muri i te wehenga. Kāore anō kia whakatauhia ngā kare ā-roto, ngā pakanga, ā, he mamae tonu te kōrero whakamutunga. He nui ake te mamae ina kore koe e mōhio me pēhea te neke whakamua me te kore e mutu te whanaungatanga. He Reddit kaiwhakamahi e kōrero ana mēnā he pai te hono atu anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i te 6 marama, neke atu rānei. I mea rātou, "Neke atu i te ono marama ahau i noho ai ki North Carolina me te whakaaro he pono ngā mea kino katoa i whakaarohia e au mōku ake. Kātahi ka waea atu mātou mō te whakamutu. Ki taku whakaaro i whakamatea e ia ngā feaa i pā ki ahau mōku ake, te whakakorenga, me te wehenga tonu. Nō reira, he pai te mahi i taua taha."

I te hiahia o taku hoa o mua ki te kōrero i muri i te wehenga, i ata whakaemi ahau i ōku whakaaro i mua i te pakaru i mua i a ia. Waihoki, ki te kore koe e rite, kaua e akiaki i te kōrero kia puta. Nā te mea kei te pātai koe, "Kei te kōrero mai anō taku hoa o mua ki ahau, me aha ahau?", kei raro nei ētahi mea hei maumahara i te wā kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga.

1. He aha koe i hiahia ai ki tēnei kōrero?

I mua i tō waea atu ki tā rātou nama waea, pātai atu ki a koe anō he aha koe i hiahia ai ki te kōrero ki a rātou. He aha te kaupapa o te kōrero ki tō hoa o mua i muri i te wā roa? Nā te mea kāore i puta he kōrero whakamutunga i muri i te wehenga, ā, ki tō whakaaro koinei te wā tika hei whakaoti i te raruraru?

Kei te hiahia koe ki te hono atu anō ki a rātou kia ngana ai ki te noho hei hoa? Kei te hiahia rānei koe ki te kōrero ki a rātou nā te mea kei te ngaro koe i a rātou, ā, e hiahia ana kia hoki mai rātou? Ko te take pea he aha noa iho engari kaua rawa e toro atu ki tētahi hoa o mua nā te mea kei te hiahia koe ki te moe tahi me rātou. He kino, he kore aroha hoki tēnā. 

Te pānui e pā ana: Kāore au i te arohaina: Ngā take me te aha hei mahi mōna

2. Tukua he karere kuputuhi ki a rātou i mua i te waea atu

Koinei tētahi o ngā mea nui hei maumahara i mua i te kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga. Kaua e waea tika atu ki a rātou. Ka noho māharahara noa iho tēnā. Ka ohorere tō hoa o mua ina kite ia i tō ingoa i runga i tana mata. Kāore kōrua e mōhio he aha te mea hei kōrero, me pēhea rānei te whakautu ki ngā pātai a tetahi ki tetahi. Kāore kōrua e mōhio me pēhea te whakahaere i te āhuatanga, i te me aha koe ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe.

I mua i tō waea atu ki a rātou, tukuna he karere kuputuhi. Tīmatahia he kōrero ōkawa, he kōrero māmā, he kōrero hoa hoki, kaua e tuku karere kuputuhi tonu ki a rātou, e whakapataritari rānei i a rātou. He mea nui ngā haora 24 tuatahi i muri i te wehenga. Ka noho mokemoke koe, ā, ka hiahia koe ki te haere ki te whakatau i a rātou. Kaua e pena. Tukua kia pahemo ētahi wiki, tukua kia ora kōrua tokorua. Kātahi ka tukuna he karere kuputuhi. Kei raro nei ētahi pātai hei pātai atu ki tō hoa o mua i muri i te wā roa:

• "Kia ora, e Emma. Kei te pēhea koe? Kei te whakapā atu ahau ki a koe mēnā kei te pai koe"
• "Kia ora, e Kyle. Kei te mōhio au he mea ohorere tēnei engari i tumanako ahau ka taea e tāua te kōrero poto?"

Ki te kore rātou e whakautu mai, koinei te tohu kia tukuna e koe, kia neke atu ai. 

3. Pātai atu mēnā kei te pirangi rātou ki te noho tahi me koe 

Kia oti i a kōrua te tuku karere kuputuhi, ā, kia rua pea ngā waeatanga, pātai atu mēnā kei te hiahia rāua ki te tiki kawhe māua. Me mārama ehara i te rā whakatā. He tokorua noa iho e tūtaki ana mō te kawhe. Whakamōhio atu ki a rāua mō tō oranga, me te rerekē. 

I a koe e noho tahi ana me te hono atu anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i ngā marama e ono, me ata haere. Kaua e kī noa e hiahia ana koe kia hoki mai rāua. I pātai tētahi kaiwhakamahi Reddit, "Kei te kōrero anō taku hoa o mua ki ahau, ā, he aha?". He kaiwhakamahi i whakahoki atu ki a rātou, "Ka tino taunaki atu ahau kia ata haere, kaua e whakaari noa me te mea kāore he mea i tupu - he take anō tō te wehenga. Kia tino mōhio kōrua ki ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e kōrua, ā, ki te mea kei te whakaaro kōrua kāore e taea te kōrero mō ō kōrua kare ā-roto nā te mea e whakaaro ana kōrua ka pakaru te whanaungatanga - me kōrero anō hoki kōrua mō tēnei mea." 

4. Te kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga — kaua e takaro i te kēmu whakapae 

Ki te mea ko tāu e rapu ana he kōrero whakamutunga i muri i te wehenga, karohia te whakapae. Kaua e kōrero pēnei i te "Ko koe te take i wehe ai tāua" nā te mea ka rerekē ō kōrero i tā tō hoa o mua. Kāore ō kōrua tirohanga mō te wehenga e ōrite, ā, ka mutu ka tautohe kōrua. Ko koe te kawenga mō tō harikoa. Nō reira, me kōrero whakamutunga, ā, neke atu mēnā koinei te take e kōrero ana koe ki tō hoa o mua i muri i ngā marama.

I pānuitia e au tētahi miro Reddit i whakatuwhera i ōku kanohi, ā, i mutu ai taku whakapae i taku hoa o mua. kaiwhakamahi I kōrero mai, "I whakapae taku hoa o mua i ahau mō te wehenga katoa, i meinga ahau kia pōuri, kāore au i te tika kia arohaina. Tae noa ki tēnei rā, kei te kōrero kino ia i ahau, me te whakatenatena i a ia anō ehara ia i te raruraru, engari ko au te take o ngā raruraru katoa o te whanaungatanga, nāku i whakakino tetahi mea pai... i kite tonu ia i a ia anō hei hoa tino pai, kāore e taea e ia te mahi he. Kāore au i te mōhio me pēhea taku ora ake i te mea kei te whai tonu i ahau..."

5. Kaua e meinga rātou kia hae, kia mahi rānei i runga i te hae 

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te kite i tō hoa o mua i muri i te wā roa. Ahakoa kei te hiahia koe ki te noho hoa ki a rātou, kei te hiahia rānei koe ki te hoki tahi, kaua e ngana ki te mea kia hae rātou mā te kī atu ki a rātou te tokomaha o ngā tāngata kua whakaipoipo koe, kua moe tahi rānei i muri i te wehenga. Ka nui ake ngā raruraru ā muri ake nei mēnā kei te rite rātou ki te whakatika, ki te tautuhi anō rānei i tō whanaungatanga. E ngana ana ki te mea kia hae tō hoa o mua he tino wairangi.

I taku hiahia kia hae taku hoa o mua, ka whakapā atu ahau ki taku hoa a Amber. Ka whakahoki tika mai ia, "He aha koe i hiahia ai ki te mahi i tēnā? Nā te mea kei te hiahia koe ki te 'toa' i te wehenga? Kaua e whakaiti, e rapu utu. Kia pai ake koe, kia pakeke, kia neke atu." Ko ētahi tāngata ka mahi i runga i te hae ina kite rātou i tā rātou hoa o mua e harikoa ana i muri i te wehenga. Mena koinei te take e hiahia ana koe ki te kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga, kua tae ki te wā mo te whakaaroaro. Kei raro nei ētahi o ngā huarahi ka taea e koe te wareware i tō hoa o mua me te neke atu:

• Whakaaetia te hae 
• Whakaaro 
• Ako ki te aroha ki a koe ano 
• Whakamutua te whakapā atu ki tō hoa o mua, ki te taea
• Whakaorangia koe mā te tuku i tō hae ki te whakaako i a koe i ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe: te aroha, te whakamana, te aro, me ētahi atu.
• Whakanuia tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō me tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō

6. Whakaaetia tō hapa/whakaaetia tā rātou whakapāha 

Ka hē tātou katoa. I ētahi wā ka whara tātou i ō tātou hoa ahakoa ā tātou mahi katoa ki te atawhai i a rātou. Ki te mea kei te kite koe i tō hoa o mua i muri i te wā roa, ā, i mahi koe i tētahi mea kino hei whara i a rātou, me kimi e koe ngā huarahi pono ki te whakapāha ki a rātou. E mea ana taku hoa a Amira, he tohunga whetū, "Ki te wehe koe i tō hoa engari ka puta te pouri, me whakapāha tonu i te mea ko ngā haora 24 tuatahi i muri i te wehenga ka whakatau i te mutunga o te whanaungatanga. Ka roa ake tō tatari kia hoki mai anō, ka uaua ake te hono anō."

Kua roa kē pea te wā kua pahure, ā, e hiahia ana tō hoa ki te kōrero whakamutunga i muri i te wehenga. Ki te whakapāha mai rātou mō te mamae i pā ki a koe, kaua e whakaiti i a rātou, kaua hoki e tuku kōrero whakatoi mō ō rātou āhua. Ki te kore rātou e tukino i a koe, kia marino i tēnei kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga, ā, ngana ki te whakaae ki tā rātou whakapāha.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te kī atu ki tētahi kotiro e hiahia ana koe ki tētahi hononga ki a ia, me te kore e whakakahoretia?

7. Kia pono

Me pēhea te kōrero ki tō hoa o mua i muri i te wā roa? Kia pono ki a rātou. Ina hiahia tō hoa o mua ki te kōrero i muri i te wehenga, me kī atu kei te whakama koe mō te tukino i a rātou. Me kī atu kei te pōuri koe, kei te riri hoki mō tā rātou whakahaere i a koe, me te whakapouri i a koe. Me whakaae ki ō hapa. Ki te kore rātou e mahi i te mea kotahi, kaua e pupuri i a rātou ki roto i tō ao, ahakoa he hoa, he hoa rangatira rānei.

I mea atu ahau ki taku hoa, "Kei te hiahia taku hoa o mua ki te kōrero ki ahau inaianei, me aha ahau?" I mea ia, "Kia pono ki ō kare ā-roto. Ki te hiahia koe ki te hoki tahi, kōrero ki a rātou, ā, whakatauhia ngā raruraru. Ki te kore koe e hiahia ki te hohou i te rongo, kī atu kāore koe e hiahia ana, ā, kua neke atu koe. Ki te hiahia koe ki te noho hei hoa, kōrero ki a rātou kia kite ai mēnā he mea ka taea."

8. Whakaaetia tā rātou whakatau 

Ki te mea i te wā o te kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga, ka kī mai rātou kāore rātou e hiahia ana ki a koe i roto i tō rātou ao, me whakaae ki tā rātou i whiriwhiri ai. Kāore e taea e koe te akiaki i tētahi kia kōrero ki a koe, kia noho hoa ki a koe, kia aroha rānei ki a koe. Ki te hiahia rātou ki a koe i roto i tō rātou ao, ka tutuki i a rātou tēnā. Ka whakaae rātou ki ō hapa, me ā rātou hoki.

Engari ki te hiahia kōrua kia hoki tahi anō, me whakatau tuatahi ngā take i puta ai te wehenga. Ko ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhia ka noho hei arai i waenganui i a kōrua. Ki te rapu koe i tētahi whanaungatanga nui ngā pātai hei pātai atu ki tō hoa o mua ā muri i te wā roa, kei raro nei ētahi tauira:

• E pouri ana koe mō te wehenga i a māua?  
• Ki tō whakaaro ka taea tonu e tāua te hoki tahi? 
• He nui ake tō rangimārie i a koe ina kore ahau?
• I pēhea koe i aro atu ai ki te wehenga?
• Kua kore koe e aroha ki ahau?
• Ki tō whakaaro kua ako tātou i tētahi mea mai i tēnei wehenga?

Ki te hiahia tō hoa o mua ki te kōrero i muri i te wehenga, kaua e hohoro te whakatau me te whakaaro kei te hiahia ia ki te hoki tahi. Tērā pea kei te tirotiro noa ia i a koe, kei te hiahia rānei ia ki tētahi manaaki mai i a koe, he kino atu rānei, kei te hiahia ia ki te hono atu ki a koe. Me whakarite kia maeneene, kia pakari, kia ataahua hoki te kōrero tuatahi i muri i te wehenga. 

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