E kiia ana ko te huarahi tere me te whai hua rawa atu mō te neke whakamua i muri i te wehenga, kua noho te ture kore-pāpā hei kōrero i roto i te tāone (e pouri ana te ngākau). E ono tekau ngā rā o te kore whakapā atu ki tētahi hoa o mua ka taea te whakamātautau i te hunga tino pakari. Mēnā kua tīmata koe i tēnei wā me tō hoa wahine o mua, tera pea kei te kai tō hiahia me tō āwangawanga i a koe mai i roto. Tukua ahau kia whakapuaki i te pātai e whakararuraru ana i tō hinengaro – "He aha te ture kore-pāpā mō te hinengaro wahine? Ka ngaro ahau i a ia i te wā kore whakapā atu?"
Ka haere tāua i tētahi haerenga poto i tēnei rā. Ka tirotirohia e tāua te whenua o te hinengaro wahine i te wā o te ture kore-pā, ā, i roto i tēnei mahi, ka mōhio koe ki ōna whakaaro, kare ā-roto, me tana mahere mahi. He maha ngā paparanga o tēnei kaupapa nā te mea ko te mutunga iho, ko te whakahē me ngā whanaungatanga kore angitu. Ki te kore koe e tino mōhio āhea te wā tika hei kore whakapā atu ki tētahi kōtiro kia tino whai hua ai tēnei tikanga, kei te wāhi tika koe.
Kia tumanako kua rite koutou mō ngā wāhanga uaua o te hinengaro wahine i muri i te whai mana o te ture kore-pā. Ka whakamāramahia e mātou i runga i te kōrero tahi me te tohunga hinengaro. Shazia Saleem (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te kaunihera mō te wehenga me te whakarere.
He pai te rongoā kore-pā ki ngā wāhine?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
"E whai hua ana te kore-pā ki te wahine pakeke?" – he pātai e ara ake ana i roto i ngā hinengaro o te miriona tāngata. Ko te mea kei konei koe i muri i te wehenga e rangahau ana i ngā tikanga tinihanga ki te kia hoki mai tō hoa wahine o mua, he mārama rawa kei reira ētahi kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia. Inaianei, ki te mea he taha kotahi aua kare ā-roto, he taha tahi rānei, he whakaaro takitahi tēnā.
Kia tīmata tātou – he pai te tūponotanga ka ngana ia ki te hono anō, ki te whakautu rānei i tāu karere i muri i te wā roa kāore he whakapā atu. I ngā rā tuatahi o te kore whakapā atu, ka puta te whakaaro o ngā wāhine whakatā i roto i te tukanga whakaaro "Kāore au e hiahia ki te kite anō i tō kanohi. Ahakoa te nui o tāu inoi, kua mutu tātou mō ake tonu atu". Mārire, ka huri tēnei wairua koretake ki te riri me te manukanuka. "He aha ia kāore anō kia ngana ki te whakapā mai ki ahau? Kua neke atu ia?" e whakaaro ana ia.
I te roanga o te wā, ka ako ia ki te pehi i ēnei kare ā-roto me ngā whanaketanga o tōna ao. Engari i roto i tēnei wā kore whakapā (mēnā ka whakatinanahia e ngā hoa e rua), tera pea ka hiahia tonu tētahi reo iti i roto i tōna ngākau kia hoki mai koe ki te whawhai mō tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Mō te tini o te tangata, i whai hua te kore whakapā ki te whakahoki mai i tā rātou hoa wahine i te wā i pai ai te waimarie, ā, i mahia ngā mahi tika i te wā tika.
Ahakoa rā, kāore pea te ture kore-pā me ngā wāhine e whakaae tetahi ki tetahi i ngā wā katoa. He nui te awe o te āhua o te whanaungatanga me te kaha o te wehenga ki te whai huatanga o te kore-pā ki ngā wāhine, kāore rānei. Mena kei te pātai koe, "Ka neke atu ngā wāhine i muri i te kore-pā?", ko te whakautu he 'āe' i te mea he mahi tukino/whanaungatanga mutunga koreKa whiriwhiria e tetahi wahine whakaute i a ia anō te herekore i te paitini, ā, ka whakamahia tēnei toronga hei huanga hei whakapiki ake i tōna tirohanga ki te aroha me te ora, me te anga whakamua ki tētahi heke mai pai ake.
6 Ngā Mea Me Mōhio Koe Mō Te Ture Kore-Papā - Te Hinengaro Wahine
I mua i tō tātou tīmatanga, me whakamārama wawe e au te hinengaro kei muri i tēnei te ture kore-pā mō te hunga tauhou e pānui ana i tēnei. E ai ki te kōrero i mua ake nei, ko te wā kore whakapā he wā whakarongo puku i waenga i ngā hoa o mua e rua. I muri tonu i te wehenga, ka tapahia e rātou ngā whakawhitiwhiti kōrero katoa - kāore he karere kuputuhi, kāore he waea, kāore he ngana ki te noho hei hoa, kāore he mea. E whakaponohia ana ko te ture kore whakapā ka āwhina i te tangata kia tere te whakakore i te wehenga.
Hatia e whakamārama ana, "Ki taku titiro, ka whiwhi te tangata i te wāhi ki te whakaae katoa ki te wehenga. He nui te wāhi hei whakaae atu ki te wā kāore tō hoa o mua i te taha, e whakapōuri ana i tō tirohanga. Ka whiwhi koe i taua whakaaro motuhake ina noho koe i roto i te wā kore whakapā." He rerekē te āhua o te tāne me te wahine ki te whakakorenga me te ture kore whakapā. Ko tā mātou arotahi ki konei ko te hinengaro wahine anake.
I te wā o te ture kore-pā, ka pāngia te hinengaro wahine e te maha o ngā kare ā-roto. Mai i ngā rā pouri ki te wā o te riri me te pouri, tae noa ki te wā ka houhia tōna rongo ki te wehenga – he tere tere! Nā, mēnā ka tuwhera ia ki te whakaaro mō te houhanga rongo i muri i te wā kore-pā, he rerekē tēnā mō ia tangata.
Me pēhea te kite i ngā tohu e ngaro ana ia i a koe i te wā kāore he whakapā atu? He pai te kore whakapā atu ki ngā wāhine pakeke? He wāhi anō hei hoki tahi me ia? Kia tūpato ki ō pātai. Ko ngā kōrero i raro nei he whakaaturanga ā-wā o ngā mea e puta ana i roto i te hinengaro wahine i te wā kāore he whakapā atu. Pānuihia marietia, ā, ka tino mōhio koe ki ngā mea katoa e hiahia ana koe.
Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Wāhanga e 7 o te Hinengaro Tāne i te wā o te Ture Kore-Pa – I tautokona e te Tohunga
1. “He aha te hē o taku?”
He tikanga mā ngā wāhine te titiro ki ngā whanaungatanga kore angitu he kore angitu whaiaro. E whakaaro ana rātou kei hea rātou i hē ai, ā, ka tīmata te whakaaro "mehemea" me "mehemea noa iho" ki te rere haere i roto i ō rātou hinengaro. Nō reira, ka pāngia tō rātou whakaaro ki a rātou anō. Ko te whakakorenga mai i ō rātou hoa ka tangohia ki a rātou anō, ka uru ki roto i te nuinga o te wā. Inaa, he ako E ai ki te pūrongo a te Psychological Bulletin, he nui te whakama, te hara, me te whakamā o ngā wāhine. Kia mārama ake tātou ki tēnei mā te whakamahi i tētahi tauira.
Nā te hoa tāne a Amanda mō ngā tau e whā i noho ia ki raro, ā, i whakapuaki i ngā kupu whakamataku e whā, "Me kōrero tāua." He maha āna kōrero i roto i tana whaikōrero wehenga, ko te mea nui ko ō rāua āhua rerekē. I te marama i muri mai (i te wā kua whakatinanahia te ture kore-pā), i whakaaro a Amanda mēnā ko tana 'āhua rerekē' he tohu mō ngā 'tikanga rerekē'. I taka ia ki raro i te rua rāpeti o te whakahē i a ia anō, ā, ka tīmata te tuku kōrero kino ki roto.
Kāore i roa, ka nekeneke haere ia i waenganui i te mauahara nui ki a ia anō me ngā rōpū aroha. Engari, i roto i te ao tūturu, kāore he he o Amanda. Kāore tana hoa i kite i te pai o te whanaungatanga. Ko te wāhanga tuatahi o te ture kore-pā, arā, ko te hinengaro wahine, ko te pātai i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tōna tuakiri. Ina noho koe i reira ka whakaaro, "Kei te whakaaro ia ki ahau i te wā kore-pā?", kei te pukumahi ia ki te ruku ki roto i te puna o te whakaiti i a ia anō.
2. Ko te pouri me te pōuri te urupare a te wahine ki te kore whakapā atu
He whānui te whakapono ko ngā wāhine te ira tangata e kaha ake ana te kare ā-roto. Te āhua nei kei te tautokohia tēnei kereme e ngā rangahau i tētahi ara, i tētahi ara rānei. ako i mahia e Fischer rāua ko Manstead i whakaatu he nui ake te kaha o ngā kare ā-roto kore mana o ngā wāhine, ā, he maha ake hoki ō rātou tangi i ngā tāne. Tētahi atu ako i kī he nui ake te kaha o ngā wāhine ki te whakapuaki i ngā kare ā-roto, inā koa ka tae mai ki ngā kare ā-roto kino.
I te whakarapopototanga, ko te hinengaro wahine i te wā o te ture kore-pā ka nui ake te tūponotanga ka raru ia i ngā kare ā-roto kino. Ka noho pōrearea tō hoa o mua mō tētahi wā. Ka tangi, ka pouri, ka manukanuka, ā, ka uru atu ki te wā pouri. Ka taea e ia te tino taumaha ki te whakaae ki te whakaaro ki te wehe atu i tētahi oranga tahi me koe. I roto i ngā mea e ono, koinei te wā tino mamae mō te wahine. Kāore e taea e mātou te hoatu ki a koe he tohu e ngaro ana ia i a koe i te wā kore-pā nā te mea he mau tonu taua kare ā-roto kotahi (tērā pea) i te wā e motuhia ana ō kōrua oranga.
E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "He maha ngā raruraru e pā ana ki te oranga o te wahine i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. He uaua kē te ao o nāianei, kua pania te ao o mua e te wehenga, engari kua pakaru ngā mahere mō āpōpō. Ka taea e tēnei mōhiotanga te kawe mai i te pouri nui, koia te take me tūpato tana pūnaha tautoko ki ngā mea e whai ake nei." ngā tohu o te pouri"Ka taea e te wehenga o te whanaungatanga te tino kino."
3. Ka uru te riri ki te pikitia
I tuhituhi a William Somerset Maugham: "Me pēhea taku whai whakaaro nui? Ki ahau nei ko tō tāua aroha te mea nui, ā, ko koe tōku oranga katoa. Kāore i te tino pai ki te mōhio he wāhanga noa iho tēnei ki a koe." He tino pai te hopu a ēnei kupu i te urupare a te wahine ki te kore whakapā atu. I tēnei wā, ka mau te riri ki tōna hinengaro, ā, ka tīmata ia ki te mahi i ngā mea e rua.
Tuatahi, ka whakapuaki te wahine i ngā kōrero whānui – “Kāore he painga o ngā whanaungatanga katoa” “He kurī ngā tāne” “Te hinga tere ki te aroha "Kāore anō kia whai hua tetahi i tetahi". Tērā pea ka mahi ia i runga i ēnei kōrero, ka oati kia kaua e whakaipoipo mō tētahi wā. Ka rerekē tana tirohanga nā tōna riri me tōna pouri. Tērā pea ka meinga ia e te mauahara kia ahua pōuri.
Tuarua, mā te riri pea ia e akiaki ki te mahi i ngā kōwhiringa kuware. Ko te waea haurangi, te takahi i te ture kore-pā, te hono atu ki tētahi atu, te ngaro rānei o te tirohanga ki ngā mea nui o tōna ao, ētahi tauira ēnei. Tērā pea ka paku mangere ia ki tana whanonga. Mena he wāhi hei whakahoki mai i a koe, ka mahia e ia i tēnei wā (he whanaunga te riri me te ngakaukore).
I pātai tētahi o ā mātou kaipānui, "E whai hua ana te ture kore-pā ki ngā wāhine? Āhea te wā tika kia kore ai e pā ki tētahi kōtiro?" Āe, e whai hua ana. Ā, ka tūtohu mātou kia mahia tonutia i muri i te wehenga i te wā e riri ana ngā hoa o mua tetahi ki tetahi. Engari kia pai ai te whakamahi i tēnei rautaki, kia tino manawanui i tēnei wā. I te wā o te ture kore-pā, ka ngoikore te hinengaro o te wahine.
Ko te pūtake o tōna riri ko tētahi pātai – "Me pēhea tēnei e pā mai ai ki ahau?" Me whakarite kia kaua koe e taka ki roto i āna mahi hei rapu, hei whara rānei i a koe. Kāore anō ia kia kaha ki te whakahaere katoa i tōna pouri me ērā atu kare ā-roto kino. Nō reira, ahakoa ka ngana ia ki te toro atu, he huarahi ohorere tonu hei whakahoki mai i a koe mā te matau, mā te tinihanga rānei.
Te pānui e pā ana: 7 Ngā Mea Hei Āwhina i a Koe kia Ora i Muri i te Wehenga
4. E whakaaroaro ana ia mō te whanaungatanga
"Ka ngaro ahau i a ia i te wā kāore he whakapā?" – āe, tera pea ka ngaro koe i a ia. "Kāore ō kare ā-roto e ngaro noa nā te mea kua wehe kōrua. Ka roa te wā ka neke whakamua te tangata i roto i te ao. Mā te ture kāore he whakapā, ka whiwhi te wahine i tētahi wāhi hei titiro whakamuri ki tana whanaungatanga. He whakarāpopototanga hinengaro tēnei o ngā wā pai me ngā wā kino," te kī a Shazia. Kua mārama ake koe ki te hinengaro kei muri i te ture kāore he whakapā?
I tētahi ara, ka whakanuia e tō hoa o mua te whanaungatanga i waenganui i a kōrua. He wāhanga nui tēnei o tōna ao, ā, kua whai wāhi ki tana haerenga. Ahakoa kāore kōrua e kōrero ana i ēnei rā, ka mihi ia ki te hītori. Tērā pea ka whakararuraru ia, ka noho puku i waenganui o te kōrero, ka kōrero nui rānei. ngā tautohetohe mō te whanaungatanga. Ko te ture kore-pā, e ai ki te hinengaro wahine, koinei tōna wāhanga whakamutunga i roto i te pouri – ka ara ake anō ia i muri i tana titiro whakamuri ki te whanaungatanga.
I tuhituhi tētahi kaipānui nō Minnesota, "He wāhi tauhou tēnei. I tino mihi ahau ki te tūranga o taku hoa o mua i roto i tōku ao, engari i puta mai he maha ngā wā puku. I tino whakaaroaro ahau, ā, i ngaro. I tino pōuri ngā mea katoa nā te mea i whakaaro ahau mēnā ka hoki mai anō tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei."
5. He panonitanga kei roto i te ture kore-pā o te hinengaro wahine
Kia pēhea te roa e tumanakohia ana e koe kia noho puku ia? Ka ara ake tō hoa o mua, ka hoki anō ki te huarahi tika. E mōhio ana ia me haere tonu te kaupapa. "He tino manawanui ngā wāhine. Ka mimiti rātou i ngā ohorere o te ao, ka anga whakamua. Ā tōna wā, ka tīmata ia ki te huri i ōna kaha ki a ia anō. Ko te tiaki i a ia anō ka waiho hei mea nui, me te mahi, te whānau, me ngā hoa," te kī a Shazia.
Ko te whāinga pea he whakararuraru i a ia anō mā te noho pukumahi, he whakaaro rānei "me mahi koe i tāu e tika ana kia mahi". Ahakoa pēhea, he maha atu āna mahi inaianei. Tērā pea ka toro atu ia ki tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro kia hoki mai ai tōna taurite kare ā-roto. Mā te whai i te ture kore-pā ka pau ō rauemi kare ā-roto. I Bonobology, kei a mātou he te rōpū kaitohutohu raihana me ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro hei āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai tika i tō āhuatanga. Kei konei mātou hei tautoko i a koe.
6. Ko te urupare a te wahine ki te kore whakapā atu, i te mutunga, ko te whakaae ki te wehenga
E ai ki tā Deborah Reber, "Ko te tuku i a koe ehara i te mea kāore koe e aro ki tētahi atu. Ko te mōhio noa ko koe anake te tangata e whai mana ana koe." Ka mōhio ia ki tēnei i te mutunga o te wā kore-pā. He tino tūponotanga i muri i ngā wāhanga rima me te ono, ka angitu ia i ngā wāhanga katoa o tōna ao.
E whakamārama ana a Shazia, "Ka tū motuhake ake ngā wāhine i muri i te wehenga. Ka wheako rātou i te tipu o ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka tīmata ki te whakamahi i te mea pai rawa atu o ō rātou oranga." Kaua e miharo mēnā ka kite koe i a ia e eke ana ki te tihi o tana mahi, e haere ana rānei i tētahi hararei papai ko ia anake. Mā te ture kore-pā, mā te hinengaro wahine ia e āwhina ki te mahi i ngā mea pai ake i a ia e eke ana ki te taumata tino pai. te toenga mahi-ora.
"Kei te whakaaro ia ki ahau i a koe e kore e whakapā atu?" te pātai a Rachel. Āe, e Rachel, i whakaaro nui ia ki a koe. Engari ki te mea kei te tumanako koe kia whaia koe e ia, kia hiahia tonu ki a koe, e kore tēnā e tupu. Kotahi te whakautu ki te pātai "Kei te whai hua te ture kore-pā ki ngā wāhine?", ā, koia tēnei: āe, āe, āe. Ahakoa ehara i te mea i te huarahi i hiahia ai koe kia mahi (kia uru atu ia ki ō DM me te tumanako ka whakatika i te whanaungatanga). Ka taea e tēnei ture te hoatu ki ngā wāhine te wāhi me te tirohanga e hiahiatia ana kia hoki mai ai te mana whakahaere o ō rātou oranga, kia noho ko rātou te putanga pai rawa atu o rātou anō.
Āe, i angitu ahau ki te pehi i tō hiahia? Ki taku whakaaro kua mārama koe ki ngā mahi o roto o te hinengaro wahine i te wā o te ture kore-pā. Ko te mea nui i roto i te rūma ko - me aha koe ki ō mātauranga hou? Tērā pea kei te tata te houhanga rongo, tērā pea ka hiahia koe ki a ia kia angitu, ā, kia neke atu hoki. Nā te mea kia pono tātou - mehemea kua wareware rawa koe ki a ia, kāore koe i konei e pānui ana i tēnei.
8 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga hei Tuku i ngā Mea o Mua, kia Harikoa ai
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
