20 Ngā Tohu Kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai

Ka rite te wehenga ki te mutunga o te ao. Kāore e taea e te nui o Ben & Jerry's te whakakī i te āputa āhua tangata kei roto i tō ngākau. Kei te hiahia koe ki tō hoa o mua, kei te ngaro koe i a rātou, kei te pouri koe mō te matenga. Hei whakaiti i te mataku o te ngākau, ka hopu koe i te tumanako iti rawa ka hoki anō te aroha ki a kōrua ko tō hoa o mua. Engari, me pēhea mēnā he tohu mārama kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai? Mā te huna i ō kanohi ki a rātou, e kore e huri i te āhua o te āhuatanga. Ā, ko te tumanako teka e puritia ana e koe ka hohonu ake ngā patunga kare ā-roto, ka uaua ake ai te neke atu.

He maha ngā wā, ina mutu te whanaungatanga o te wahine, ina ngaro rānei te hononga kare ā-roto o te tāne ki tētahi atu, kāore rātou e titiro whakamuri. Kāore he painga mōu ki te noho noa, ki te tatari kia "mōhio tō hoa o mua ki tā rātou hapa" kia "hoki mai rānei ō rātou whakaaro pai". Kua tae ki te wā ki te tango i ō mōhiti tae rōhi nā te mea kua pērā tonu tō hoa o mua. He mea nui tēnei mō tō haerenga whakaora me te neke whakamua. Ko te taahiraa tuatahi o tēnei haerenga ko te whakaae. Ko te tumanako mā te taea te hono atu ki ēnei tohu kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaae ki te mooni.

20 Ngā Tohu Kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai

Ka hoki mai anō ngā hoa o mua? Ae, i ētahi wā, ka hoki anō pea ngā hoa o mua tetahi ki tetahi. Inaa, he ako i kitea e 44% o ngā Amerikana kua honoa ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i te wehenga. Engari ki te whakamāramahia ngā kitenga o tēnei rangahau mai i tētahi tirohanga rerekē, ko te kōrero huna ko te 56% o ngā kaiuru kāore i hoki anō ki tētahi hoa o muaKo te tikanga, e 50% te tūponotanga ka hoki mai tō hoa o mua ki a koe.

Kia mutu te hononga, kāore he huarahi e mōhio ai koe me pēhea te ahunga whakamua. Tērā pea ka ngāwari te neke atu o tō hoa o mua, ā, ka taea hoki e koe. Tērā pea kei te hiahia tonu rāua ki a koe, ā, ka taea hoki e koe. Tērā pea ka mōhio kōrua he hapa te wehenga, ā, ka kitea e kōrua te ara hoki ki a kōrua anō. Heoi, i roto i ēnei āhuatanga katoa, he rerekē te ara i muri i te wehenga. Ā, kei reira ngā tohu mārama mō te tūmanako kia houhia te rongo, kāore rānei.

Nō reira, ki te mea kua roa koe e whakaaroaro ana me pēhea te mōhio mehemea ka hoki mai tō hoa o mua, kua tae ki te wā kia aro atu koe ki tā rātou whanonga e kī ana ki a koe. Kāore mātou e pai ki te kōrero atu ki a koe, engari he iti noa te tūponotanga ka hoki anō koe mēnā kei te whakaatu ngā whanonga o tō hoa o mua i ēnei tohu kāore ia e hoki mai, kua wareware kē rānei ia ki a koe:

1. I mutu tō kōrua whanaungatanga i runga i te pouri

Ko te wehenga pōrearea te whao whakamutunga i roto i te kāwhena o tētahi hononga kua tata mutu. Mena i pāngia kōrua e tētahi wā hononga i kitea ai ngā tohu o te kore hototahi, ā, kātahi ka wehe kōrua i runga i te wairua pouri, kua tae ki te wā kia mutu te whakaaro, "Ka hoki mai anō taku hoa o mua?"

Hei tauira, i wehe aku hoa kāreti, a Gary rāua ko Andrea, i runga i ngā whakapae mō te kore whakapono, ā, ka tautohetohe nui ki te aroaro o te marea, he tino whakama hoki. I mutu ake, ka kōrero rāua i ngā mea kāore i te pai kia kōrerotia. Nō reira, tera pea kāore tetahi o rāua e hiahia ki te whakama i ō rāua mamae mā te hoki anō ki a rāua anō. 

Ina hoki, i te wā kotahi i tūtaki ai rāua i te pāti a tētahi hoa, ka titiro mārire rāua tetahi ki tetahi me te mea he tauhou rawa atu rāua. Ka mea a Andrea, "Ki taku whakaaro koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino mārama kāore taku hoa o mua e kōrero anō ki ahau. Āe, harikoa ahau! Ko wai e hiahia ana ki te patuki anō i taua tatau?"

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Wehenga Tuatahi – 11 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatau I Tērā

2. Ka karohia e rātou ō karere kuputuhi me ō waea

I tēnei wā, ina he nui te aro o te katoa ki ā rātou waea pūkoro, he mea noa te waea atu ki tētahi hoa o mua i te wā haurangi, te tuku karere kuputuhi rānei i te 3 i te ata i muri i te wehenga. Ahakoa te kaha o tō piri ki te ture kore-pā, ka puta ngā hapa. Heoi, wareware ki te waea atu, ki te tuku karere rānei i a koe e haurangi ana, ki te kore tō hoa o mua e whakautu mai ki ō karere me ō waea, he tohu mārama tēnei kāore tō hoa o mua e hiahia ana kia hoki mai koe.

3. Kāore tō hoa o mua e hiahia ki te tūtaki ki a koe

Ahakoa te roa o te wā, he āhua whakamā tonu te tūtaki ki tētahi hoa o mua. Heoi, ki te mea kei te mau tonu te aroha o tētahi hoa o mua ki a koe, ā, e tumanako ana kia houhia te rongo, e kore rātou e kati i te kuaha mō te tūtaki ki a koe. Ki te mea kei te aroha tonu tō hoa o mua ki a koe, ka rapua e rātou ngā whakamārama me ngā huarahi hei noho tahi me koe. I tētahi atu taha, ki te kore tō hoa o mua e hiahia ki te tūtaki ki a koe, e whakakahore ana i ō tono kia tūtaki, ā, e karo ana hoki i te haere ki ngā wāhi e haere pinepine atu ai koe, he tohu mārama tēnei kāore rāua e hiahia ana ki te hoki tahi. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu pono kāore tō hoa o mua e hiahia ana kia hoki mai koe. 

4. Kei roto kē rāua i tētahi whanaungatanga pumau

Mena kei roto kē rāua i tētahi hononga nui, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea kua ngaro atu tō hoa o mua mō ake tonu atu. Ae, ka mamae te ngākau ki te kite i tō hoa o mua e piri ana ki tētahi atu, ā, tera pea, e hoatu ana ki a rātou ngā mea katoa i hiahia ai koe engari kāore i riro mai. Heoi, ko tā rātou tēnā whiringa, ā, kāore he whiringa atu i a koe engari ko te whakaae. He mea whakaaro nui ake te whakaae ki te meka kāore kōrua i te wā i whakaritea kia noho hei hoa, me te ngana ki te arotahi ki ngā tāngata hou.

5. Kua whakahokia mai e rātou ō taonga katoa

Ina kei te mau tonu ōu kare ā-roto ki tētahi kua ngaro i roto i tō ao, ka piri tonu koe ki ngā maharatanga i waenganui i a kōrua. Ka puritia e koe āna taonga, ka whakarongo ki ngā waiata e whakamahara ana i a koe ki a rātou, ā, ka piri tonu ki ngā tikanga i hira ki a kōrua hei tokorua. Kua tino tāia ēnei ki roto i tō kōrua oranga. 

Nō reira, ki te mea kua whakahokia mai e tō hoa o mua ō mea katoa, kei te ngana rātou ki te tapahi i te taura here. Ā, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu matua kāore koe e rongo anō mai i tō hoa o mua. He pai ake te tukua te hoa o mua kua neke atu mō ake tonu atu. E mārama ana, e hiahia ana rātou ki te whakakore i ngā whakamaharatanga katoa mō tō rātou whanaungatanga ki a koe, ā, kua rite rātou ki te tīmata i tētahi upoko hou i roto i tō koiora, me koe anō hoki.

6. Kua mutu tā rātou whakapā atu ki ō hoa tahi

He pono, he hoa tahi ō kōrua ko tō hoa o mua, he tāngata rānei i noho tahi kōrua hei hoa rangatira. Mēnā kua mutu katoa ō kōrua hononga me ō kōrua hononga - i te ao tūturu me ngā pāpāho pāpori - he tohu mārama tēnei kāore ia e hoki mai, kua neke atu rānei ia.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ka taea e tātou te noho hei hoa mō ā tātou hoa o mua?

7. Kāore rātou e hae ki ō whanaungatanga aroha

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro tō hoa o mua ki te hoki tahi, ka hiahia pea rātou ki te mōhio ki ō hononga, ki ō whanaungatanga rānei. Ehara i te mea ka huri rātou hei Joe Goldberg e whai ake nei, engari ahakoa tō hoa ngā whanaungatanga whakaora ka whakararuraru i a rātou. Ko tēnei āhua hae e tohu ana kei te mau tonu ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa o mua ki a koe. I tētahi atu taha, ki te whakaatu tō hoa o mua i te kore aro ki ō hononga aroha, he tohu tēnei kua riro atu tō hoa o mua ake tonu atu. Tērā pea kei te arotahi rātou ki te tīmata i tētahi upoko hou o tō rātou ao, ā, kua wehe atu i a koe i tōu ao.

8. Kāore rātou e whakapau kaha

Ka hoki mai anō taku hoa o mua ki ahau? Kei te mau tonu ngā kare ā-roto o taku hoa o mua ki ahau? Kei te ngaro ahau i taku hoa o mua? Tērā pea ēnei pātai ka pā ki tō hinengaro, nā te mea, i muri i te wehenga, kāore e taea e koe te tino mōhio mēnā kei te takaro uaua tō hoa o mua ki te tiki atu i a koe, kāore rānei ia e aro nui mai. Engari, ko te whakautu he kāo mēnā kāore ia e ngana ki te whakaora anō i tā rāua hononga ki a koe ahakoa kua roa kē te wā. Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu e kore e taea te whakahē he pumau te wehenga. 

9. Ka tono atu rātou kia neke atu koe

Koinei te momo whakamamae tino nanakia rawa atu haere atu i tētahi whanaungatanga ina kore koe e hiahia. He uaua rawa atu mēnā ka kī atu tō hoa aroha kia neke atu koe. Engari e ai ki ngā kupu a te kaitito a Charles Bukowski, "Ko te mea nui ko te pai o tō hikoi i roto i te ahi." Ki te kī atu tō hoa o mua me neke atu koe, kāore koe e hiahia ki te rapu i ētahi atu tohu kāore ia e hoki mai, kua ngaro atu rānei i a ia tō aroha.

E mārama ana te mārama kāore rātou e hiahia ana ki te whakaora anō i tētahi hononga aroha ki a koe. Ahakoa te āhua nanakia o te ahua, koinei te āhua o te wā ka mutu te whanaungatanga o te wahine, ka mutu rānei te aroha o te tāne ki tana hoa. Ko te mea pai rawa atu ka taea e koe i roto i tētahi āhuatanga pēnei ko te whakamanawa i te pono o tā rātou kōrero ki a koe, me te arotahi ki te whakaora me te anga whakamua.

10. Kua āraia koe e rātou i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori

Ina aukatia koe e tetahi i runga i ngā papaaho pāpāho pāpori, he tohu tēnā kāore rātou e hiahia ana ki te whakaaro ki a koe, ki te whai hononga rānei ki a koe. Kua whiriwhiria e rātou kia tukuna atu taua wāhanga o ō rātou oranga, ā, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino kitea kei te moumou taima koe ki te ngana ki te whakahoki mai i tō hoa o mua, ki te tatari rānei kia hoki mai rātou ki a koe. E kōrero mai ana a Star, he kaiwhakahaere wharekai 31-tau te pakeke nō Texas, ki a mātou, "Mēnā kua aukatia koe i ngā mea katoa, tae atu ki te īmēra, e hiahia ana rātou kia wareware katoa ki tō oranga. E tino hiahia ana rātou kia waiho ko rātou anake ki te arotahi ki ngā whai wāhitanga hou, ki ngā mea rānei... ora mai i te wehenga i roto i te rangimarie.” 

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Tohu e Tata Ana Tō Hoa ki te Wehe i a Koe

11. Ka mea atu rātou kāore rātou e aroha ana ki a koe i ēnei rā

He tino taumaha te ahua o te whakakorenga, ā, he uaua ki te whakaae. Heoi anō, ka taea hoki e ia te akiaki i a koe kia mutu te piri ki te tumanako mō te houhanga rongo, kia arotahi ki te ora ake i muri i te wehenga. Nō reira, ki te kī mārama mai tō hoa o mua kua kore rāua e aroha ki a koe, kāore koe e hiahia ki te rapu i ētahi atu tohu kua ngaro atu ia i a koe ake ake, i ngā tohu rānei kāore ia e hoki mai.

I te tīmatanga, he uaua pea te horomi, engari ka tīmata te āhua pai ake, ahakoa he tau kei mua i a tātou. Ka memeha haere ngā hoa o mua, engari koinei te āhua ka hangaia he wāhi mō tētahi hoa hou. I ētahi wā, e pai ana tātou ki tētahi whanaungatanga engari kāore i te aroha. Mā tēnei whiu kino a tō hoa o mua koe e āwhina ki te whiwhi tirohanga whānui, ā, hei te mutunga ka noho hei whakakorikori mō tō oranga.

12. Kua ngaro te manaaki me te aro

Ki te mea kei te pouri koe mō te wehenga, ā, he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro koe, "Ka hoki mai anō ngā hoa o mua?", kia mōhio koe ka puta noa tēnei ina kaha tonu ngā kare pai pērā i te manaaki me te aro ki te oranga o tētahi ki tētahi, me te piripono hohonu, ahakoa kua mutu te marena. kua mutu te whanaungatangaEngari, ki te kore e pāngia te ngākau o tō hoa o mua e tō mamae me tō kore whakamarie, e hiahia ana rātou ki te whakarērea i ngā mea katoa kia noho ki tō taha, he tohu pono tēnei e kore rawa tō hoa o mua e hoki mai.

13. Te āhua nei kāore te wehenga i pā ki a rātou

Ki te mea kāore rātou i te aro ki te wehenga, ā, kei te raru tonu koe i te kitenga mamae, "I neke atu taku hoa o mua me te mea kāore noa iho ahau", ehara i te mea pai mō ō tumanako mō te houhanga rongo. Inaa, ko tētahi o ngā tohu mārama tēnei kāore ia e hoki mai, kua neke atu rānei ia mō ake tonu atu. Ko te mātakitaki i tō hoa o mua e neke haere tonu ana me tōna oranga i a koe e noho pōuri ana mōna ka tino mamae, ka kino hoki ki tō whakaaro ki a koe anō. Whakapono mai, i roto i te wā, ka kitea e koe he huarahi hei neke atu i ēnei kare ā-roto kino, ka kite i te māramatanga i te mutunga o te mea e ahua nei he kauhanga pōuri mutunga kore i tēnei wā."

14. Te āhua nei kāore e whai hua te takaro pōwhiri

Ina kore rātou e whakahoki mai i te takaro ki a koe, ki te kore rānei e aro ki ō mahi aroha, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu e kore rawa tō hoa o mua e hoki mai. I te nuinga o te wā, ina hiahia tonu tetahi ki a koe, ka rapu huarahi rātou ki te mihi ki a koe, ki te kōrero whakaipoipo, me te takaro kino. Mena kāore ēnei katoa i te tika, tera pea kei te titiro rātou ki te taha pai o te wehenga.

15. He poto, he whakahē hoki ā rātou whakautu

Hei tā te kī, i a koe e hiahia ana ki tō hoa o mua, ka whakapā atu koe ki a rātou. He waea. He karere kuputuhi. He tūtaki "tūpono". Engari kāore rātou e whakautu mai me te mahana i roto i ō kōrua taunekeneke. Engari, he āhua makariri, he koretake hoki tō hoa o mua, ā, he poto, he kore aro ā rātou whakautu. Me te mea nei kāore rātou i te pai ki te kōrero ki a koe.

Ae, ehara i te mea tino pai te ahua, ina koa i muri i te hononga wā roa, engari koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino mārama kei te moumou taima koe ki te ngana ki te whakahoki mai i tō hoa o mua. E kōrero mai ana a Preston, he mekanika 27-tau te pakeke nō Chicago, ki a mātou, "I whakaaro tonu ahau mō ngā marama e rima i muri i tā māua wehenga. Ka hoki mai anō ia? Ka mārama rānei ia he hapa tēnei? Engari kāo, ka taea e au te kī inaianei. Mena he tino whakahē ia, he kōrero kino, he kore rānei e hiahia ki te whai wāhi ki tētahi kōrero, kāore tō hoa o mua e takaro ana 'he uaua ki te tiki', e 'hiahia ana rānei kia arohia.' E hiahia ana rātou kia waiho ko rātou anake."

16. “Ki taku whakaaro he pai ake tā tāua noho hei hoa”

Ina tono mai rātou kia noho tonu koe hei "hoa pai" i muri i te wehenga, koinei tētahi o ngā tohu tino tika kua pumau te wehenga. Tērā pea he uaua ki te noho hei hoa-rohe mā rātou. Engari he karere mārama tēnei me tuku e koe te whakaaro kia hoki anō koe ki a rātou, ka arotahi ki te wikitoria i te wehengaMe arotake anō hoki e koe ō kōwhiringa, ā, me noho tawhiti atu i aua kōwhiringa mēnā kei te mōrearea tō hauora hinengaro.

rangahau e kī ana ko te noho hoa tonu me tō hoa o mua nā te mea i hunaia ō rātou kare ā-roto ki a rātou i hua ake ai ngā hua kino, engari ko te noho hoa tonu nā te mea he haumaru, he take mahi hoki i hua ake ai ngā hua pai ake. Nō reira, ko te pātai o te wā koia tēnei: ​​Kua whakaae koe ki te noho hoa tonu me tō hoa o mua nā te mea i hunaia ō kare ā-roto ki a rātou, nā te mea rānei e hiahia ana koe kia noho mārire, ā, kāore koe e hiahia kia pupuri rātou i te mauahara ki a koe?

17. Kua roa kē te wā mai i tō wehenga atu

Kia pēhea te roa o tō wehenga atu i tō hoa o mua? Mēnā ka roa tō kōrua wehenga, ka iti ake te tūponotanga ka hoki anō ō kōrua kare ā-roto kua ngaro. Kāore pea kōrua e whakapā atu tetahi ki tetahi mēnā kua roa kē te wā mai i te wā whakamutunga i kōrero ai kōrua, i kite ai rānei tetahi i tetahi. Mēnā i whakaaro rāua kia hoki mai, kua ngana rāua ki te whakapā atu ki a koe, ā, kua whakapau kaha ki taua huarahi, i te iti rawa rānei, ki te whakahoki mai i ngā mahi whakatairanga i mahia e kōrua. Mēnā kāore anō kia tupu tēnā ahakoa kua roa kē te wā mai i te wehenga atu o kōrua, me mutu te whakaaro me pēhea te mōhio mēnā ka hoki mai anō tō hoa o mua. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 7 Ngā Take e Ngaro Tere ai ō Kare ā-roto mō tētahi

18. I mutu tō whanaungatanga nā te kore whakapono

Mena kāore tetahi o kōrua i pono, he iti noa te tūponotanga ka ara anō tō kōrua hononga. Me mōhio koe he nui ake ngā mea ka taea e koe i te whakaipoipo i tētahi haki whero. Ā, ki te mea ko koe te tangata i tinihanga, me hoki whakamuri pea koe, me te arotake mēnā ka taea e koe te aroha ki tō hoa rangatira i te ara e tika ana māna.

rangahau e kī ana ko te whakawhirinaki anō ki tētahi hoa i whakararu i a koe — ahakoa nā te tinihanga, te teka, te tinihanga, te mahi tinihanga rānei — me whai tuwhera, me whai whakaaro ki te mahi tahi, ki te tohatoha, me te tautoko tahi i waenga i ngā hoa. Mā te tinihanga koe e huri ā, ka nui ake tō aro ki te tinihanga me te whakarērea, ā, ki te kore tō hoa o mua e whakaatu ana i te hiahia ki te whakatika i ngā mea, he pai ake te haere atu.

19. Ehara koe i te kaupapa kōrero

Kua whakapā atu koe ki ō hoa tahi mai i te wehenga atu i tō hoa o mua? Kei te pātai tonu mai tō hoa o mua ki a koe, me pēhea koe? Ki te kore, he tohu tēnei kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai. Ina mutu te whanaungatanga o te wahine, ina mutu rānei te aroha o te tāne, tera pea ka tino wehe atu ia i tā rātou hoa o mua, ā, ka haere tonu rāua i te ao me te mea kāore taua tangata i te ora.

He pai pea tēnei nā te mea reseTuhinga e whakaatu ana ko ngā hoa hurihuri (ngā tokorua e wehe ana, ā, e hoki tahi ana i ngā wā maha) e whakaatu ana i te kounga whanaungatanga iti iho - he iti ake te aroha, te makona ki te hiahia, me te makona ki te moepuku. Tērā pea ko tēnei wehenga katoa mai i tō rātou pito te akiaki e hiahiatia ana e koe kia whakarērea te tumanako teka mō te houhanga rongo, kia titiro whakamua ai i roto i tō oranga.

20. Kei te whakaatu mai tō kare ā-roto i tēnā

Ahakoa te tumanako, kei te tumanako tonu koe ka hoki mai tō hoa o mua ki a koe. Tērā pea kua nui rawa tō whakapau kaha ki te whanaungatanga, kāore e taea e koe te whakaae kua mutu. Engari ki te aro atu koe, tera pea he reo iti kei roto i a koe e kī ana kua mutu. Ko te manukanuka e pā ana ki a koe i mua i te waea atu, i te tuku karere rānei ki tō hoa o mua, te āhua o te totohu o tō ngākau ina kore ia e whakautu mai i te huarahi i tumanakohia e koe, te pona i roto i te puku e kore e taea e koe te whakakore. Ko ēnei katoa ngā whakaaturanga ā-tinana o te mea e ngana ana tō kare ā-roto, tō kare ā-roto rānei ki te kōrero ki a koe: kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai. Whakarongo ki tō tinana, ā, whakawhirinaki ki taua kare ā-roto. Kāore i te maha ngā wā ka hē.

He aha koe e uaua ai ki te neke atu i tētahi hoa o mua kāore e hoki mai ana

He mea noa te uaua ki te tuku i tō hoa o mua. Ā, he uaua ake te whakaae ki ngā tohu kāore tō hoa o mua e hiahia ana kia hoki mai koe. Kia maumahara, he roa te wā me te tautoko hei wehe atu i te ao o mua. Anei ētahi take e mau ai koe, ko te whakaae ki a rātou te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakamama i tō rātou pupuri:

Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Kāore Tō Hoa o Mua e Hoki Mai Ana—7 Ngā Mea

He tino uaua te mōhio kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai ana. Tērā pea ka ngaro koe, ka pōuri, ka riri rānei. Engari ina tino mōhio koe kua mutu te whanaungatanga, ko te mahi pai rawa atu māu ko te whakahoki i tō kaha ki a koe anō. Anei ngā tohutohu e whitu hei āwhina i a koe ki te ora me te neke whakamua:

1. Whakaaetia te wehenga, ā, tukua koe kia pouri

He ahua tawhito pea, engari ko te whakaae ki te wehenga me te ngā tohu kei te moumou taima koe ki te whakahoki mai i tō hoa o mua Ko te taahiraa tuatahi tēnei. Tukua koe kia rongo i ngā mea katoa e pā mai ana—te pouri, te riri, te whakamarie, te pōhēhē rānei. Kāore he aha te tangi, te whakaputa rānei i ō whakaaro. Tukua koe kia whakaae, "He mamae tēnei, ā, kua ngaro i ahau tētahi i arohaina e au." E ai ki te tohunga hinengaro, ki a Tākuta Sara Bennett, "Ko te pouri te utu e utua ana e tātou mō te aroha. He mamae, engari he wāhanga tūturu o te tuku me te tīmata ki te whakaora." Mā te kore aro ki ō kare ā-roto ka roa ake te wā. Mā te whakaae ki te mooni, ka tīmata koe ki te whakawātea i a koe anō.

• Kia mārama ki ō kare ā-roto: Tuhia ō kare ā-roto, kōrero rānei ki tētahi hoa. Mā te tautuhi i ngā kare ā-roto ka ārai i aua kare ā-roto kei whakararu i a koe.
• Whakaatuhia mai: He āwhina te tangi, te tuhituhi i tētahi rātaka, tae noa ki te mahi toi. He pai ake te tuku i te pouri i te pupuri tonu.
• Homai he wa: Kāore te whakaoranga e tere tonu. Kia manawanui ki a koe anō - me mahi i ia rā i ia wā.

2. Arotahi ki te tiaki i a koe anō me te whakaora

Nā, ko koe te mea nui. I tēnei wā, te tiaki-whaiaro he mea tika, ā, me whakarite kia matua. Hono atu anō ki ō hiahia, me whakarite kia matua. E kī ana te Kaitohutohu a Jordan Reed, "Ko koe te tangata tino nui o tō ao ināianei. Whakaaetia koe ki te aroha e tika ana māu." Arotahi ki:

• Te hauora tinana: Kai i ngā kai totika, whakakori tinana i ia wā, me te ngana ki te moe nui. Ahakoa ngā mahi iti pēnei i te hikoi i te ata, i ngā mahi whakakori tinana ngāwari rānei i te kāinga, ka taea te whakapai ake i tō wairua.
• Te hauora hinengaro: Whakaarohia ngā taupānga whakaaroaro, ngā taupānga aroātea rānei hei whakamarie i te manukanuka. Kia maumahara ki ngā whakaū pai: "E tika ana kia harikoa ahau" me "Ka taea e au tēnei."
• Te whakamoe: Mahia ngā mea e tau ai te rangimārie ki a koe, kaukau whakangā, pānui pukapuka whakamarie, mātaki rānei i tāu pukuhohe tino pai
• Whakamātauhia nga mea hou: Kōwhiria tētahi mahi whakangahau kua waiho e koe ki tahaki. Te peita, te hikoi, ngā akomanga tunu kai — he mea whai hua te noho pukumahi ki ngā kaupapa ngahau.

3. Whakawhirinaki ki ngā hoa me te whānau

Kaore koe e mate haere ko koe anake i roto i te wehengaKōrerohia ō kare ā-roto ki te hunga e whakawhirinaki ana koe. Ka taea e rātou te tautoko, te whakararuraru i a koe, me te whakamahara i a koe he mea nui koe.

• Korerohia: Waea atu ki tētahi hoa tata, ki tētahi mema whānau rānei. Mā te whakaputa noa i ō whakaaro me te whakarongo ki tētahi reo whakamarie ka taea te whakamama i te mamae.
• Rapua te tirohanga: I ētahi wā ka whakamahara mai ngā whanaunga ki a tātou i ō tātou kaha, i te āhua rānei o te wehenga mō te pai rawa atu. Ka taea e rātou te whakaū i ngā mea kua mōhiotia kētia e koe.
• Āwhina ngaio: Ki te pehia koe e ngā kare ā-roto, whakaarohia te kōrero ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Ka taea e tētahi tohunga te āwhina i a koe ki te tukatuka i ngā kare ā-roto me te whakaako i ngā pūkenga ki te aro atu. Tērā pea ka pai ake tō wairua ki te tūhura i ngā whakaaro me te kore e whakahē.

4. Whakaaetia te ture kore-pā

He mea whakamātau te tuku karere kuputuhi, te whai rānei i ngā pāpāho pāpori a tō hoa o mua, engari ka noho pūmau noa koe. He mea nui te tapahi i ngā whakapā atu kia neke atu ai. He aha ai? Ka roa ake te mamae me te tumanako i te whakapā atu tonu. Anei me pēhea te mahi i te ture kore-pā whai hua: 

• Te tawhiti ā-tinana: Ki te taea, mukua tā rātou nama waea, ka wete i te hoa/whakakore i te whai i a rātou. Mā te mātakitaki i ā rātou whakahōutanga, i ā rātou kōrerorero rānei ka noho pūmau ngā kare ā-roto.
• Te whakakore i te paitini pāpāho pāpori: Kaua e tirotiro i ā rātou kōtaha. Whakawetohia ngā whakamōhiotanga, me okioki rānei i ngā taupānga e puta mai ana. Mā tēnei ka mutu tō whakataurite i tō oranga ki ō rātou.
• Kāore he whakapā atu mō tētahi take: Kia maumahara koe i ia wā ka toro atu koe, ka titiro atu rānei koe ki tā rātou whārangi, ka whakatuwhera anō koe i te patunga. Whakautehia tō rātou wāhi, ā, tukua koe kia ora.
• Whakawhitiwhitihia ngā rohe: Ki te mahi tahi kōrua, ki te mahi tahi rānei i roto i tētahi rōpū, kia atawhai engari kia iti noa iho. Kāore he aha te karo i ngā kōrero pakupaku. Kei te arotahi koe ki tō whakaoranga.

E kī ana te kaiwhakaora hinengaro a Tākuta Jane Liu, "Ko te kore whakapā he kore e mutu, engari he hoatu wāhi ki a koe anō me te whakaute. Ko tētahi o ngā rohe hauora rawa atu tēnei ka taea e koe te whakatakoto i muri i te wehenga."

5. Kimihia anō koe me ōu hiahia

Ka wiri tō tuakiri i ngā wā wehe. Kātahi ka takakau koe, tērā pea he wā kei a koe kāore i a koe. Whakamahia tēnei hei wāhi ki te kimi, ki te rapu anō rānei i te mea e hari ai koe, motuhake mai i tētahi atu.

• A hi'o faahou i te mau arearearaa tahito: He mea i pai ki a koe te mahi i mua (te peita, te hākinakina, te tuhituhi)? Rukuhia anō. Ka taea e ia te whakamahara i a koe ko wai koe i waho o te whanaungatanga
• Whakamātauria he mea hou: Waitohu mō tētahi akomanga, ako i tētahi taonga puoro, haere rānei ki tētahi wāhi kāore anō kia tae atu koe. Ka taea e ngā wheako hou te whakahihiri, te whakararuraru hoki i te mamae o te ngākau
• Whakaritehia nga whaainga whaiaro: Arotahi ki ō moemoeā, pērā i ngā whāinga mahi, ngā tohu whakapakari tinana rānei. Mā te whakatutuki i ngā angitu iti ka whakapiki i te whakapono ki a koe anō.
• Whakawhanake-whaiaro: Pānuihia ngā pukapuka whakapai ake i a koe anō, mātakihia rānei ngā kōrero whakahihiko. Mā te tipu ake i a koe anō ka āwhina i a koe ki te anga whakamua.

6. Kaua e whakaae kia noho "hoa noa iho" mena kāore anō kia rite

Ka ngana ētahi tāngata ki te noho hei hoa i muri i te wehenga. Ki te mea kei te tumanako tonu koe ki te aroha, me noho tonu hoa me te hoa o mua ka taea e koe te whakapoauau, te whara hoki. Ko te kōrerorero "rohe hoa" he tohu kei te tirotirohia ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa o mua. Ko tētahi o ngā tohu tino tika kāore tō hoa o mua e hoki mai. Ahakoa ka whai hua pea te whakahoahoa i muri mai, mā te akiaki wawe rawa ka roa pea tō whakaoranga.

Ki te tonoa koe kia noho hei hoa engari kei te mamae tonu, he pai ki te kī mārie me whai wā wehe kōrua. Me whai wāhi kōrua ki te whakaora me te kore e whakamahara ki a rāua. Kia neke atu ō kare ā-roto, ka taea e kōrua te whakaaro ki te whakahoahoa mai i tawhiti. E kī ana te kaiako whanaungatanga a Mark Ramirez, "Ahakoa te mamae o te noho hei hoa, he mārama hoki: kei te whakatakoto rāua i tētahi rohe. Whakautehia taua rohe mā te wehe atu me te tiaki i tō ngākau."

7. Hoatu he wā ki a koe anō, kia manawanui hoki

Te whakaora i te ngākau maru Kāore e puta i te pō kotahi. He tukanga tēnei e pā ana ki ngā rā pai, me ngā rā kino. Kia atawhai ki a koe anō i a koe e anga whakamua ana.

• I ētahi rā ka pai tō wairua, i ētahi rā ka pouri — he mea noa tēnā. Ehara i te mea kāore koe e angitu ki te neke whakamua.
• Mātakihia ngā wikitoria iti (i whiwhi koe i tētahi hoa hou, i whakamātau i tētahi mea ngahau, kāore i whakaaro ki aua mea i te rā katoa). Ko te tikanga o ēnei kei te kaha haere koe
• Mā te whai i tētahi mahinga o ia rā, o ia wiki rānei ka puta he hanganga me tētahi mea hei tumanako atu

E kī ana te tohunga hinengaro, a Tākuta Heather Levine, "Kāore te whakaora e whai i tētahi wātaka. Kia manawanui, ā, kia atawhai i a koe anō me te aroha e whakaaturia ana e koe ki tētahi hoa i tō tūranga." Ko ia o ēnei mahi he whakahoki mai i tō oranga me tō mana ake. Tērā pea ka rite koe ki te mahi takitahi i tēnei, engari he tokomaha kua hikoi i tēnei ara, ā, kua kaha ake. Mā te tiaki i a koe anō, ka āta kite koe i ngā take kāore rātou i te tika mōu. Ā tōna wā, ka iti haere tēnei mamae, ā, ka wātea he wāhi mō te harikoa hou.

Thoughts Final

Kua tae mātou ki te mutunga o tēnei aratohu kawa me te reka mō te kite i ngā tohu e kore rawa ai tō hoa o mua e hoki mai. Ko te tumanako kua whakamāramahia e mātou tō tūnga. Kāore he he o te hiahia ki te whakamārama i te āhua o tō hoa o mua, tae atu ki te houhanga rongo ki a rāua. Heoi, kaua e whakaiti i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō me tō hauora hinengaro. Ko te tumanako ka kite koe i tēnā, ka mōhio hoki ki tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō. Mena kei te raru koe ki te ahu whakamua, ā, kei te māharahara koe ki te oranga o tō hoa o mua, mā te rapu āwhina mai i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro ka taea te āwhina. Mō tēnā, Ngā ratonga tohutohu a Bonobology he pāwhiri noa iho te tawhiti.

Me pēhea te mōhio kua mutu te whanaungatanga? 25 ngā tohu e tohu ana kua mutu

10 Ngā Tohu Kāore anō ia kia mutu tana aroha ki tana hoa o mua

5 Ngā Take Kāore te Wāhi Noho i te Tohu Kino

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

Tirohia ta maatau Tukanga Etita

Tutaki ki ta maatau Poari Arotake

Tiri Urupare

He aha ō urupare?

×

āwhina Pūrongohia he Hapa He mea anō (kōrerohia mai he aha te horopaki)

Tuku