Me aha koe ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai

Porohia te aroha

He whanaungatanga rua wiki pea, he wehenga tahi, he hoa tawhito rānei i huna ohorere i a koe. Ahakoa te āhua o te raruraru, ka roa pea te wā ki te whakatau i ō whakaaro ina whakapā mai tētahi o ō hoa o mua ki a koe i muri i ngā tau. Ahakoa me āta karo koe i te pato i te whakamōhiotanga, ka taea e ia te whakararuraru i tō wairua katoa.

He aha te tikanga ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa o mua ki a koe i muri i ngā tau maha:

Ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai, he tohu tēnei i ngā kaupapa hinengaro huna, kaua i te hiahia mārama ki te tīmata anō i te whanaungatanga. Ko ngā take noa ko:

koroingo
Te herenga kare ā-roto kāore anō kia whakatauhia
Te hiahia nui ki tō oranga o nāianei
Me te whakamātautau rānei mēnā kei te noho tonu he hononga

He mea nui, ehara tēnei momo whakapā i te tohu aunoa i te hiahia aroha, i te hiahia rānei kia houhia te rongo.

Mā te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), he tohunga whakahaere ira tangata me te whanaungatanga, me rapu tātou i ngā take i whakapā atu ai tō hoa o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai, me te aha ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakatau i tēnei tuhinga ngaro.

He aha te tikanga ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe i muri i ngā tau?

Ripanga o Ihirangi

Tērā pea ka tino taumaha te hononga anō ki tētahi hoa o mua mēnā he hononga kaha tōu ki a ia i mua. He aha tā rātou e whai nei? He take huna kei reira? Hei whakatau i te hokinga mai o tētahi hoa o mua me te whakaute, me whakaaroaro koe ki ngā āhuatanga katoa e pā ana ki te take ka whakapā atu ai ia ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai.

Ko te mea tino kino pea ko te tirotiro noa a tō hoa o mua i a koe: kia kite ai koe me pēhea koe i te ao. He mea pea tēnei mēnā i mutu te whanaungatanga i runga i ngā tikanga pai
Tērā pea he pōuri te āhua, kāore i taea e rātou te aro atu ki te oranga harikoa, angitu hoki e ora nei koe. Nō reira, kua hoki mai rātou ki te whakararuraru i tō hinengaro, ki te whakahoki mai i ngā maharatanga katoa, me te takahi i tō ahunga whakamua.
I te taha pai, tera pea kei te tino hara rātou mō te whara kino i a koe, ā, kāore e kitea e rātou te rangimārie kia murua rā anō rātou e koe. Mēnā ka pai te haere o te wāhanga whakapāha o te mahere, tera pea ka whakaatu rātou i tō rātou hiahia ki te hoki mai ano

Nā, me pēhea rawa tāu urupare ki tēnei āhuatanga? Kia kite tātou.

8 Ngā Mea Hei Mahi Ina Whakapā Mai Tō Hoa O Mua Ki A Koe I Ngā Tau I Muri I Te Rā

Tērā pea i whakaaro koe ka tino neke atu, engari kua hurihia tō ao e tā rātou karere iti, e whakamahara ana i a koe ki ngā wā pai katoa kāore koe i mōhio kua huna e koe. I mua i tō pato i tētahi karere uaua e tono ana kia whakamāramahia, mutu, ā, whakaarohia tō ao i tēnei wā. He take tō hoa o mua, ā, kāore e tika ana te aro atu ki a rātou ina whai hua tō ao o nāianei. Ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai, tangohia he meneti torutoru hei whakaaroaro mō ngā hua o te kōrero anō ki a rātou.

"Mēnā i wehe atu te hoa o mua i a koe me te kore e kati te hononga, i huna rānei i a koe, tera pea ka pōrearea koe i te rongo ina whiwhi koe i tēnei karere kuputuhi. Engari mēnā kua whiwhi koe i te nui o te karere e tika ana." te katinga i muri i te wehenga me rātou, ā, kua taea te neke atu, he māmā ake pea te whakautu, te kore rānei e aro ki te tuhinga.
– Jaseena Backer, Kaimātai Hinengaro

Hei āwhina i a koe, kua tuhia e mātou ēnei kōrero e waru hei whakaaroaro māu i mua i tō whakautu ki taua karere kuputuhi.

1. Whakaarohia koe i te tuatahi

Whakaarohia tō oranga i tēnei wā tonu. E pai ana koe ki te āhua o tō oranga me te kore tō hoa o mua? Mēnā he tino rerekē tō kōrua ko tō hoa o mua momo whanaungatanga anō-anō-anō, ki tō whakaaro he whakatau hauora te whakahoki mai i tēnā ki tō ao? Kua mutu tō herenga ki tō hoa o mua, ā, he pai ki te whakaaro ki a koe anō i te tuatahi.

"Ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe, he mea nui kia mārama koe ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri kia kaua e whakautu atu ki a rātou. Ā, ki te whakautu mai koe, kia tino mōhio koe ka taea e koe te mahi pera i roto i te āhua kore aro,"
Jaseena Backer, Kaimātai Hinengaro

I tētahi atu taha, he rerekē pea ngā take e whakapā atu ai tō hoa o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai mēnā i mutu pai ngā mea katoa. Mēnā koinā, ehara i te mea kino te kōrero poto i runga i a Instagram.

Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Take e Ngaro Ana Koe i Tō Hoa o Mua, Me Ngā Mea e 5 Ka Taea e Koe te Mahi Mōna

2. Kia ata noho i mua i te whakautu

Ahakoa te āhua o tā kōrua whakaotinga, kaua e whakautu wawe ki te karere kuputuhi, ahakoa he Rāhoroi mangere, ā, ko tāu ngeru anake e mitimiti ana i ōna huruhuru hei whakangahau māu. Ko ngā whakautu tere tonu he tohu i te hiahia, i te oranga koretake rānei – ahakoa he pono ngā mea e rua, kaua e tukua kia kitea e tō hoa o mua.

"Ina hoki mai ngā hoa o mua i muri i te korenga o te whakapā atu, ka ohorere koe mō tētahi hēkona. I whakapā mai taku hoa o mua ki ahau i muri i ngā tau e rua, ā, kāore i taea e au te ārai i te whakautu tonu ki te pātai atu he aha tāna e hiahia ana. Ka mea ia, "Āe, whakautu tonu mai. Me te mea nei kei te tatari koe ki ahau." Nā te whakama i pā ki ahau i muri i tērā i kore ai ahau e tuku karere atu ki a ia anō," te kōrero a Aaron, he kaiwhakahaere hanga whare, ki a mātou.

Ehara te whai wā i te mea mō te tākaro kēmu hinengaro, mō te mōhio mēnā kei te hiahia koe ki te tīmata anō i tētahi kōrero ki tētahi tangata kua roa kōrua e piri tahi ana, ā, kua mutu kē te whanaungatanga i waenganui i a kōrua i mua.

Ina whakapā atu tō hoa o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai — Kia roa te wā i mua i te whakautu

3. Kaua e whakaaro nui rawa

Kia mahara kia kaua e hohoro te mahi i tetahi mea, kaua hoki e nui rawa te whakahari. Mēnā kua tuhituhi mai rātou, "Kia ora! Kua roa koe. Kei te pēhea koe?", kaua e hohoro te whakatau i te tikanga o te tuhinga.

E whakamārama mai ana a Jaseena me pēhea te aukati i te whakaaro nui. "Ko te huarahi anake hei whakamutu i te whakaaro nui i tēnei āhuatanga ko te kore aro ki te karere, te tuku rānei i tētahi urupare tino koretake, e whakaatu ana kāore he mea nui ki a koe tō hoa o mua."

He māmā noa te whakamanawareka i tētahi hoa o mua ina kei te mau tonu ōu kare ā-roto ki a ia. Engari kaua e hohoro te whakatū i tētahi hoa. rā kawhe hei hopu.

Te pānui e pā ana: 9 Ngā Take He Kaha te Whakakore i tō Hoa o Mua

4. Kōrero ki tētahi mō tēnei mea

Kōrero atu ki tētahi hoa tata/whānau kei te ngana tō hoa o mua ki te whakapā atu ki a koe. Mā te rapu whakaaro mai i tētahi atu ka āwhina i a koe ki te whiwhi tirohanga whānui mō te āhuatanga.

Mena i mutu kino tō wehenga, ka taea e tēnei tangata te whakamahara i a koe ki te paitini o tō hoa o mua, ā, ka aukati i tō puka tuku karere whakahoki.
Engari mena ko koe te hono anō ki tētahi o mua i muri i ngā tau 10 pea, i te wā i mutu ai ngā mea i runga i ngā tikanga whakahoahoa, tera pea ka tukuna atu e rātou he karere kuputuhi ki a koe i runga i te ngākau pouri me te aroha ki a koe anō
Kāore e kino te tuku karere atu ki a rātou mēnā kua murua, kua warewaretia hoki ngā mea katoa

Ngā mea hei mahi ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai — 8 ngā mea hei mahi ina whakapā atu tētahi hoa o mua ki a koe i muri i ngā tau maha

5. Ki te mea he hoa tōu, whakaarohia hoki rātou

Tērā pea kua mōhio tō hoa o nāianei ki ngā āhuatanga i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa o mua.

Mena kei roto koe i te whanaungatanga pono, he mea pai tonu kia kōrerohia ngā whanaketanga iti a tō hoa mō te taha o mua
Ahakoa te tūtaki ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i te 10 tau, neke atu rānei, ka raru pea tō whanaungatanga o nāianei mēnā ka whakaaro noa koe ka pai ki tō hoa.
Me āhei koe ki te kōrero, ki te tūtaki rānei ki te tangata e hiahia ana koe, engari he mea whakaaro nui te whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa mō tēnei mea. Mā tēnei ka ārai i a koe i ngā pakanga koretake ā muri ake nei.

Te pānui e pā ana: 15 Ngā Huarahi Mātanga hei Whakakahore i tētahi Hoa o Mua e Hiahia Ana kia Noho Hoa

6. Kia mau ki ō tumanakohanga

"He nui rawa ngā tumanakohanga e rere ana i te nuinga o te wā ina kāore anō koe kia neke atu. Ko te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i tēnei ko te mārama ki te meka i ētahi wā he tuhinga noa iho te tuhinga."

I kōrero mai a Riley ki a mātou, "Inanahi i tae mai he karere kuputuhi mai i taku hoa tāne o mua. Tērā pea ka taea e au te noho marino me te hono anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i ngā tau 10. Engari kāo, i te taenga mai o te whakamōhiotanga, kī tonu taku hinengaro i ngā pātai me ngā āhuatanga pea. I puta ko ia kei te tuku karere kuputuhi noa i tētahi atu hoa a Riley, ā, i tuku karere mai ia ki ahau mā te hē."

Nā te mea kāore e taea e koe te tino mōhio he aha rātou i whakapā atu ai ki a koe, kaua e whakapae noa i tetahi mea. Kia mōhio koe, kei te tono noa rātou kia whakahokia mai tō rātou hūti.

7. Kaua e rapu i te otinga

Kaua e tukua tō hoa rangatira o mua kia whakahaere i a koe.

Mena ko te mutunga anake tō take ki te whakautu ki te tuhinga, he pai ake te waiho i te tuhinga kia kitea.
Mena kāore rātou i pai, i kore rānei e taea te whakatau i tō whakaaro i taua wā, kāore he take e tumanako ai ki tētahi mea rerekē i nāianei.

I tukua e koe kia neke tonu, kāore he katinga i te wā whakamutunga, ka taea e koe te mahi anō

8. Akona mai i o mua

Whakaarohia te mutunga o tō kōrua hononga i te wā whakamutunga. He wehenga pai, he mea rānei i whakaatu mai tō hoa o mua i a ia anō? kare kino whanonga, pērā i:

Rawekeweke
gaslighting
te tinihanga rānei i a koe?

Ki te pāngia koe e tētahi o ēnei whanonga, me ārai noa i tō hoa o mua, kaua e whakautu. E mōhio ana koe ki te momo tangata o rātou, ā, ki te mea kua whara rātou i a koe i mua, tera pea ka whara anō rātou i a koe. He pai ake mō tō hauora hinengaro te kore e kōrero anō ki a rātou.

Hei Whakataki

He aha i whakapā atu ai tō hoa o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai

Te tirotiro i a koe: te tirotiro noa i tō āhua i te ao i muri i ngā tau e wehe ana. Te hihiri kino: kāore e taea te whakahaere i tō angitu, i tō harikoa rānei, ā, e hiahia ana ki te whakararuraru i tō ao. Te whakapāha: E pouri ana mō ngā mamae o mua, ā, e hiahia ana ki te rangimārie. Te hiahia pea ki te hohou i te rongo: Tērā pea e whakaatu ana i te hiahia ki te hoki tahi.

Nga mahi e taunaki ana

Whakaarohia koe i te tuatahiWhakatakotoria tō oranga ngākau ki te tuatahi ina whakatau koe me pēhea te whakautuWhakapaua te wā i mua i te whakautuKaua e hohoro te whakautu; mā te whakaroa ka mārama akeKaua e whakaaro nui rawa: Kaua e waihanga i ngā horopaki i roto i tōu mahunga i mua i te wāKorero ki tetahi: Whiwhi tirohanga ā-waho, kore whakaaro nuiWhakaarohia tō hoa rangatira o nāianeiKi te mea kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga, whakauruhia rātou, kia mārama hokiKia mau tonu ngā tumanakohangaKaua e whakaaro he hiahia aroha tō te tangataKaua e rapu i te mutungaKaua e whai wāhi atu hei whakakī i te āputa o ngā take kāore anō kia whakatauhiaAko mai i nga wa o muaWhakaarohia te mutunga o te whanaungatanga o mua; ki te mea he kino, whakaarohia te aukati

FAQs

1. He aha te tikanga ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe i muri i ngā tau?

Ina whakapā atu tētahi o mua ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai, he whakaata tonu tēnā
Te hihiri ā-roto
koroingo
Kare i whakatauhia
He mea whakaoho i te wā o te ao, kaua ki
He hiahia mārama rānei ki te houhanga rongo
He maha ngā wā ka rapu te tangata i ngā huarahi hei whai i ngā huringa nui pēnei i te whakarere, te mokemoke, te whakaaroaro whaiaro rānei. Ko te whakapā atu he mea nui ake mō te āhua o ō rātou kare ā-roto, kaua ki tētahi mahere kua oti te whakarite mōu.

2. Ko te whakapā atu a tētahi hoa o mua ki a koe i muri i ngā tau, ko te tikanga kei te hiahia ia kia hoki mai koe?

Kāore rawa. Ahakoa he huarahi pea te houhanga rongo, ko te nuinga o ngā whakapā kua roa e whakaroahia ana e ahu mai ana i te hiahia ki te mōhio, te hara, te ngākau pouri, te hiahia rānei kia whakamanahia. Ko ngā karere tūpono kāore he māramatanga, he kaha rānei, he tohu i te tirotiro i ngā kare ā-roto, kaua ki te hiahia ki te tīmata anō i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko te hiahia pono ka kitea mā roto.
Whakawhitiwhiti riterite
Te kawenga mō ngā take o mua
Me ngā kōrero tika mō ngā whāinga

3. Me whakautu koe ina whakapā atu tētahi o ō hoa o mua i muri i te wā roa?

Me whakautu anake mēnā e hangai ana ki tō oranga ngākau me tō āhua noho o nāianei.
Kāore he herenga ki te whakautu
Mā te tatari i mua i te whakautu ka āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai i te whāinga me te kore whakaaro nui
Mena he kino te whanaungatanga o mua, he raruraru rānei tō hinengaro, he rohe hauora pea te kore whakautu.
Ko tō rangimārie te mea nui ake i tō hiahia.

4. Āhea te wā pai ake hei wareware, hei aukati rānei i tētahi hoa o mua i whakapā atu ki a koe i ngā tau i muri mai?

He pai ake te kore aro, te aukati rānei i tētahi hoa o mua mēnā:
Ka whakatuwhera ano i nga patunga ngakau
Ka whakararuraru i tō whanaungatanga o nāianei
Ka tāruatia rānei ngā tauira tinihanga o mua pērā i te kōrero whakapoauau, ngā karere whakama rānei
Mena kua mutu te whanaungatanga nā te paitini, te tukino, te whara rānei i ngā wā katoa, mā te whai anō ka kore e ora. Ko te kore mārama, te kore whakaute, te kore pumau rānei he tohu kaha kia wehe atu.

Tohutohu Matua

I mua i te whakautu, whakaaroarohia tō oranga i te korenga o tō hoa o mua, ā, arotakehia mēnā he pai te tūhono anō mō tō oranga ngākau.
Kaua e whakautu wawe tonu. Tērā pea ka puta te kore e wātea ngā kare ā-roto, ā, ka kore pea koe e whakatau tika.
Kāore te karere kuputuhi mai i tētahi hoa o mua e tohu ana i te hiahia aroha, i te pouri rānei. Whakatata atu ki te āhuatanga me te kore e tumanako.
Rapua te tirohanga a ngā hoa, te whānau, ngā hoa rangatira rānei kia whiwhi ai i tētahi tirohanga whānui, ina koa mēnā he kino ngā wheako o mua ki tō hoa o mua.
Whakaarohia ngā take i wehe ai kōrua, me ngā whanonga o mua. Mena he kino te whanaungatanga, he raru rānei kei te mau tonu, me whakarite kia rite ki tō hauora hinengaro, ā, whakaarohia te aukati i aua raruraru mēnā e tika ana.

Thoughts Final

Ahakoa te tūtaki anō ki tētahi hoa o mua i muri i ngā tau 20, ka taea e ia te whakaoho i ngā momo kare ā-roto, mai i te moemoeā ki te manukanuka. Ko te mea nui ko te noho mataara ki tō āhua kare ā-roto me ngā āhuatanga o nāianei. Ahakoa ka whiriwhiri koe ki te whakautu, ki te kore e aro, ki te aukati rānei i te whakapā atu, me hangai te whakatau ki tō oranga whaiaro me ō whāinga ā muri ake nei. Kia mahara, kua tipu ake koe mai i taua whanaungatanga, ā, ko te tiaki i tō rangimārie te mea nui tonu.

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