Te Whakatakoto Rohe ki ngā Hungawai – 8 Tohutohu Kore-Rahunga

"Engari he aha te kino o te whakarongo ki ētahi tohutohu?" te pātai a taku tuahine i taku whakahua i te kaupapa o te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai. "Mēnā kāore au i pātai, he tohutohu tonu? He takahi rānei?" Ka whakautu ahau. Ka menemene ia me te mōhio.

E ai ki te kōrero, kāore koe e moe noa i tētahi tangata. Ahakoa pai, ahakoa kino, ka uru te whānau o tō hoa rangatira ki roto i tō ao ina kī atu koe 'Ae'. Ahakoa ka whiwhi koe i tētahi whānau hou me tētahi pūnaha tautoko mai i a rātou, he uaua pea te mahi tahi me ō hungawai i roto i te marena. 

Ahakoa i ahu mai i te taupatupatu o ngā tuakiri, o ngā tirohanga rānei, o ngā mamae kāore i te kōrerotia, o te koretake rānei o te whanonga, ka taea e ngā raruraru o te hungawai te whakatupu i te ahotea me te riri. Kua whakaatuhia e ngā rangahau he uaua te whanaungatanga ki ngā hungawai ka pā kino ki tō marena. Nō reira, me pēhea tātou e pai ake ai te noho tahi me ngā hungawai, me te whakatere i ngā piki me ngā heke o ngā whanaungatanga o te hungawai? Āe, ko tētahi huarahi pai ko te whakatakoto i ngā rohe hauora.

Me pēhea te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai

Kāore mātou e kī atu he ngāwari te whanaungatanga ki ngā hungawai. Kāore rānei, ko tō whanaungatanga ki a rātou he rite tonu ki te whanaungatanga e pārekareka ana ki a koe me tō whānau tūturu. Kāore rātou i kite i tō tipu ake. Nō reira, kāore e taea e rātou te whakakapi i te pūtake kare ā-roto o tō whānau tamarikitanga. Hei tāpiri atu ki tēnā, tera pea he rerekē rawa ngā uara, ngā whakapono, ngā whanonga, me ngā tikanga a ō hungawai. Ā, tera pea he maha ngā mea kāore koe e kite i te kanohi ki te kanohi, ka arahi i a koe ki te whawhai ki tō whānau whānui hou.

Ka taea e ngā rohe te āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere i ngā taupatupatu me ō hungawai, me te hanga hononga hauora ki a rātou. Ā, ka taea hoki e rātou te āwhina ki te whakahaere i te nui o te pānga o ngā raruraru a ngā hungawai ki a koe me tō oranga marena. Pērā i ngā rohe marena, he mea nui te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai mō tō oranga me te tiaki i ō ake hiahia, matea, me ngā whakapono. Anei ētahi tohutohu mō te whakatakoto rohe hauora me ō hungawai:

1. Tuhia ngā mea e whakaoho ana i a koe

Tērā pea ka nui rawa te haere mai o tō hungawai wahine, ā, ka ngana ki te whakahaere i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe. He tino tinihanga, he mahi tinihanga rānei ia . Tērā pea ka nui rawa te koha me te moni a tō hungawai wahine mō tāu tamaiti e rua tau te pakeke. Kua hoha rānei koe ki te aro atu ki ngā raruraru whānau me tō auwahine wahine e pokanoa ana, me te ngana ki te noho tahi me ia.

Kua taumau pea koe, ā, kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hungawai wahine e whakahaere ana i a koe i te wā e whakarite ana i te marena. He mea hou rānei tāu marena, ā, kei te pāngia koe e te whakaekenga nui o tō wāhi whaiaro me te rere tonu o ngā tohutohu mō ngā mea katoa. 

Ki te kore koe e hiahia ki te whakapau i te nuinga o tō oranga ki tonu i te riri, ki te huna rānei i roto i te wharepaku hei karo i ō hungawai, me whakatakoto e koe ētahi ture matua. Mō tēnā, me whakatau koe he aha te mea e pai ana koe ki a ia, me ngā mea e whakararuraru ana i a koe. Kātahi? Kōrero ki tō hoa mō te whakatakoto i ngā rohe hauora. 

2. Whakauruhia tō hoa

He pūtake amuamu noa ngā taunekeneke ki ngā hungawai. Koia te mea nui o te kōrero pono ki tō hoa mō te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai. Mā te kimi i ngā huarahi ōrite ka āwhina i a kōrua ki te whakatau pai ake i ngā raruraru a te hungawai kia taea ai e kōrua te hanga hononga hauora me te noho tahi pai ki a rātou. Ina kōrerohia ngā rohe hauora, whakaarohia te kōrero mō:

• Ko te wā e hiahia ana koe ki te whakapau ki ō hungawai. Tērā pea ka uru atu ki tēnā te whakatau me pēhea te whakahē i tētahi hararei me ō hungawai mēnā e tika ana.
• Te nui o te mana o ō hungawai ki roto i ō whakatau, pērā i te wāhi e noho ai koe 
• Ngā āhuatanga o tō kōrua oranga marena me tō kōrua oranga whaiaro ka noho tonu i waenganui i a kōrua, pērā i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga
• Me pēhea te whakatakoto i ngā tumanakohanga hauora mō ngā tūranga me ngā kawenga, inā koa mō te moni me ngā tamariki (pēnei i te whakatau me pēhea te whakahaere i ngā hungawai e whakawhirinaki ana ki te taha pūtea, te whakatakoto rohe rānei ki ngā hungawai me ngā mokopuna) 
• He aha te mea ka kiia he takahi i te ture 

Mā te noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira e āwhina i a kōrua kia kotahi te whakaaro mēnā ka puta he āhuatanga uaua, ahakoa kāore kōrua e whakaae ki ngā āhuatanga katoa o te āhuatanga.

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te kōrero ki tō tāne ina ko te wahine kē tōna whaea

3. Whakamahia he ngākau māhaki

Kāore e taea te tuhi noa i tētahi rārangi rohe mō te hungawai wahine, te hungawai tāne rānei, me te tumanako ka whakautehia tonutia ngā rohe. Nā, me pēhea te kōrero ki tō hungawai wahine mō ngā rohe? Me pēhea te kī "kāo" ki te hungawai tāne e tino hoatu ana i ngā mea, me pēhea rānei te aukati i ngā whakahē tonu mai i a ia me te kore e kitea he whakahē? Me pēhea te whakatakoto rohe me ō hoa tāne o mua? Me kōrero rānei mō te whakatakoto rohe me tētahi tāne-tāne he uaua ki te noho tahi nā tana reo? Me pēhea rānei te whakatau i tētahi auwahine-tāne e takahi ana i ngā rohe i ngā wā katoa e taea ai e ia?

Ko te whakatakoto i ngā rohe hauora me tō whānau whānui o nāianei, o mua rānei, me te whakaū i aua rohe, me whai whakaaro nui ki te whakahaere:

• Mā te tono atu ki tō hungawai kia kaua e hoatu moni ki tā rātou mokopuna ka ara ake ētahi kare ā-roto me ētahi kōrero whakamā. Kia mau te atawhai engari kia māia.
• Ki te mea kei te whakatinana koe i te ture "waea tuatahi, kātahi ka toro atu" i muri i ngā tau e whitu o te whānau o tō hoa e hikoi ana, e puta ana i tō whare i tā rātou e pai ai, kia rite ki te whakahē.
• A, no te te whakatakoto rohe i te wā e wehe ana, i muri rānei i te whakarere, hoatu he wā ki tō whānau o mua, o mua rānei kia urutau ai, kia taunga ai ki ngā kaupapa hou me ngā huringa o ngā taunekeneke

8 Ngā Tohutohu Ātaahua mō te Whakatakoto Rohe ki ō Hunga Ture

He mea nui te whakatakoto rohe mō te pokanoa o ngā hungawai nā te mea he kai tonu ngā raruraru me ngā hungawai mō ngā kōrero me ngā kupu whakaari, i runga ipurangi, i waho atu hoki. Ko ētahi o ngā raruraru noa ko:

• Te noho tahi me ngā hungawai te noho tata rawa rānei ki ngā hungawai
• Te mahi tahi me te hungawai wahine pai engari whakarihariha
• He hungawai tāne whai mana whakahaere
• Te aro atu ki ngā raruraru whānau i ngā wā katoa
• Te pokanoa o te whānau ki te marena me te whanaungatanga piripono
• Ngā raruraru ki te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai i muri i te whānautanga o te tamaiti
• Te whawhai ki te tāne mō tōna whaea
• Ko te wehe i te tane na te hunga hunaonga
• Ahakoa rānei, te mahi tahi me ngā hungawai kino i muri i te matenga o te hoa rangatira

Kāore pea e taea e koe te karo katoa i ngā pakanga me te ārai i ngā raruraru katoa me te whānau o tō hoa rangatira. Engari he huarahi hei whakatakoto rohe ki ngā mātua i muri i te marena. Ka taea te mahi tahi me ngā hungawai i roto i te marena me te kore e ngaro tō rangimarie o te hinengaro, e maka ana rānei i te arai, i te spatula rānei. Kia mahara, ko te kore whakatakoto rohe hauora i te tīmatanga ehara i te mea kāore e taea e koe te tīmata ki te tautuhi, ki te tautuhi anō rānei i ngā rohe i muri mai hei tiaki i tō hauora hinengaro me tō oranga. Engari me pēhea? Kua whakaritea e mātou ētahi tohutohu me ngā tauira o ngā rohe ki ngā hungawai hei āwhina i a koe ki tēnā:

Pānui e pā ana: Kāore ōku hungawai kino e tuku i a mātou ahakoa kua neke tāone mātou

1. Whakawhāitihia, whakarerekētia rānei te āhua o tō kōrua noho tahi

Mai i ngā pikiniki me ngā tina whānau ki ngā hararei me ngā rā motuhake, ka taea e koe te tumanako ka nui te wā e noho tahi ana me tō whānau whānui. Engari, me pēhea mēnā kāore ō taunekeneke i te tino pai? Me pēhea mēnā kei te takahi tonu te whānau o tō hoa rangatira i ngā rohe? Mēnā rānei ko te tūtaki ki ngā hungawai kei te noho hei pūtake pakanga, hei pūtake riri rānei? 

Me kī, kei te akiaki tonu tō taokete wahine, tō whaea rānei i a koe i ngā tina whānau me ngā tohutohu whakahihi, kāore i tonoa. Kātahi ka ngana ki te whakawhāiti i ngā hui, ki te whakarerekē rānei i te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua: 

• Haere ki te mātaki kiriata hei utu mō te kai tina i te kāinga  
• Me noho tonu mēnā he pai, he koretake rānei te taunekeneke 
• Kia tīmata mai ngā kōrero me ngā tohutohu kore āwhina mai i ō hungawai uaua, whakapāha atu me te ngākau māhaki. 

He huarahi tēnei hei whakatau i te takahi a tō whaea, tō tuahine rānei i ngā rohe, me te kore e tukua kia pā ki a koe. Mena ko te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai kino te mea e mahi ana koe, kia mōhio koe he mea tika pea te noho puku, te noho tawhiti rānei i a rātou . Kia mahara, ehara i te mea he mea whakama te hiahia ki ngā rohe, ki te tawhiti hauora rānei mō tō oranga.

2. Tirohia te tirohanga whānui o ō hungawai

Kāore ngā whakaaro me ngā whakaaro pākiki o mua e hanga hononga hauora . He rerekē ki ngā kōrero tuku iho, ehara i te mea he kino katoa ngā whānau tāne, he paitini rānei. Ki te hoatu tonu i ngā whakaaro kino, i ngā hihiri kino rānei ki a rātou, kāore e pai mōu, mō tō hononga rānei ki a rātou. I taua wā anō, ehara i te mea pono te tumanako kia aroha, kia tautoko tō hungawai wahine, engari kia kaua e whakarongo ki ngā tohutohu katoa. Nō reira, i mua i te whakatau he aha ō whānau tāne, i te kī rānei "Kāore he rohe o te whānau o taku tāne" me te "Kāore au e pai ki ōku whānau tāne", he mea whakaaro nui kia tirohia mēnā kei te whai pānga ō tirohanga, ō tumanakohanga rānei ki tō whakatau.

Hei tā te kī, kua tukuna atu e tō whaea ki a koe ētahi tohutohu mō te whakahaere pūtea. Kaua e whakaaro kei te tohu ia i tō koretake pūtea, me te rapu huarahi hei whakatakoto rohe ki te hungawai wahine, whakamuri, ka arotake anō i te āhuatanga. Tērā pea i tino pai tana whakaaro. Ko te whai i te tirohanga whānui ko te whiriwhiri i ō pakanga me te ako ki te tuku i ētahi mea kia haere, kia pai ai te whanaungatanga.

Ngā Pānui e Pā Ana: Ngā Whakaaro 10 e Puta Ake Ana ki tō Hinengaro Ina Haere Mai Tō Hungawai Wahine ki a Koe

3. Whakarērea te whakataetae 

Kaua e whakamahia te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai hei whakataetae mō: 

• Mana whakahaere 
• Me te whakahaere rānei i te hunga e aro nui ana tō hoa rangatira ki a rātou

Mā tēnei ka whakataetae kino koe ki te whānau o tō tāne, o tō hoa rangatira rānei — ā, e kore rawa e pai te mutunga. Tērā pea ka noho pōrearea, ka taupatupatu hoki tō hoa rangatira, tō hoa rangatira rānei.

He aroha tō ngā mātua katoa ki ā rātou tamariki. Mēnā he tata tō wahine ki ōna mātua, ā, e hiahia ana ia ki te noho tahi me rātou, ki te mahi rānei i tētahi mea pai mā rātou, he mea maori noa iho kia pērā tōna whakaaro. Pērā i te rerekētanga o te aroha o te tāne i te aroha o te matua , he rerekē rawa te aroha aroha o tō hoa rangatira ki a koe me te aroha e puritia ana e ia ki ōna mātua. I te wā e tuhi ana i tētahi rārangi rohe mō te hungawai wahine, mō tētahi atu rānei, ngana kia kaua e hae, e māharahara rānei mō te hononga tata o tō hoa rangatira ki ō rātou mātua.

4. Kaua e tukua tō riri ki tō hoa rangatira hei ngana ki te whakatakoto rohe ki ō hungawai

Kua hoki mai koe i tētahi atu hararei whānau me te whakaaro, "E kino ana ahau ki te kore o ōku hungawai e manaaki i ahau pērā i te whānau." "Kāore au e mārama he aha i hiahia ai tōku hungawai kia utua e mātou ngā mea katoa, ā, kāore rawa e utu i te pire." Tērā pea kua noho pōrearea noa tō taokete i tō whare i ēnei rā, ā, kāore e aro ki te utu i ana mea. 

Ahakoa te whakahihiri o ētahi āhuatanga o te hungawai, ki te riri koe ki tō hoa rangatira i ia wā e amuamu ana koe, ka raru anō koe. Anei ngā mea hei whakamātau māu: 

• Kōrero ki tō hoa. Kaua e kōrero whakahē, kaua hoki e whakapae, engari kia arotahi ki te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto (pēnei i te "Kāore au i te pai ki...", "Ka riri ahau ina..."). Tērā pea ina mārama rātou ki te āhuatanga, ka āwhina pea rātou ki te whakatau i te raruraru. 
• Me aha koe ina tino piri tō tāne ki tōna whānau, ā, he uaua ki a ia te aro atu ki a rātou? Kātahi ka hiahia koe ki te whai wāhi atu ki te rapu huarahi hei kōrero ki tō hungawai mō ngā rohe mō te whakapau moni. Me whakaaro rānei ki te whakatakoto rohe ki te tāokete-i-te-taonga hei whakawhāiti i ngā haerenga ohorere.

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5. Puritia ō mahere

Tērā pea i whakatauhia i ngā marama kua pahure ake nei ka huihui mai tō whānau whānui ki tō kāinga mō te Thanksgiving. Engari ināianei, kei te ngana tō whaea ki te whakarerekē i te mahere i te meneti whakamutunga. Tērā pea kei te pouri ō hungawai o mua nā te mea kāore koe i karanga i a rātou ki te whakaari kura a tāu tama. Tērā rānei ka haere mai te māmā o tō hoa o mua i ngā wā maha i te wiki, me te hiahia ki te kawe i ngā mokopuna ki waho mō te aihikirīmi. Ahakoa e mōhio ana ia ko te tikanga o tēnā ka ngaro rātou i te whakaharatau hoki, i ngā akoranga piano rānei. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te piri ki ō mahere me ō kaupapa. Kaua e tukua ētahi atu kia takahi, kia whakama rānei i a koe ki te mahi i tā rātou e hiahia ana, i tētahi mea rānei kāore koe e pai ki te mahi.

He mea nui tēnei mēnā kei te whakatakoto rohe koe ki ō hungawai o mua/ngā hungawai o mua e tata ana ki te noho. Ina koa mēnā kei te whakatakoto rohe koe ki ō hungawai kino. Me āta kōrero ō rohe, engari kia mārama. Kia tū pakari koe kia mōhio ai rātou ka tū pakari koe mēnā ka ngana tetahi ki te takahi i ō mahere, ki te pēhi rānei i a koe kia whakarerekē. 

6. Kia mōhio ake koe ki ō hungawai

Anei ētahi āhuatanga e rua mō te hungawai. Ka aha koe?

• He pai ki ngā mātua o tō hoa te āwhina i ngā mokopuna, engari he nui rawa te mana whakahaere me te whakahē.
• He ngāwari te nuinga o rātou, engari e tino hiahia ana rātou kia huri koe i te waitohu miraka e whakamahia ana e koe, i te pūtea tahi rānei e haumi ana koe.

Kāore he whakautu māmā i konei. Nā te mea, kāore he pukapuka ture mō ngā ture o ngā whanaungatanga. He tino uaua te kimi taurite, te noho mārire rānei i roto i ētahi āhuatanga. Engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea mēnā e mārama ana koe ki te pūtake o ō whanaunga. Nō reira, whakapaua te wā ki te mōhio ki a rātou. Whakarongo ki ā rātou kōrero me te hinengaro tuwhera. Mā tēnei ka māmā ake te kimi i ngā huarahi ōrite, ahakoa he rerekē ō uara. Ka āwhina pea i a koe ki te hanga whanaungatanga pai me te noho tahi me rātou. Ā, ki te kore? Ka taea e koe te kī kua ngana koe.

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whai hononga pai ki te hungawai wahine

7. Kaua e ngana ki te whakahaere i ā rātou taunekeneke me ngā mokopuna

Ka taea e te taenga mai o tētahi pēpi hou te whakarerekē i ngā āhuatanga o te whānau . Ā, he uaua te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai i muri i te whānautanga o tētahi pēpi. Mai i tētahi huinga o ngā koroua e whakaaro ana kāore i te nui te wā ki te pēpi hou ki ngā tohutohu mō te pēpi mutunga kore – ka whai wāhi hou koe ki te whakatau me ngā rohe hei tirotiro anō. Ina whakaaro koe ki te whakatakoto rohe ki ngā hungawai me ngā mokopuna, kia mārama koe ka aroha ngā mātua o tō hoa ki ngā tamariki, ka whakapōrearea hoki i a rātou ki te aro nui. Mā te whakapau i te wā kounga me te whai whanaungatanga hauora ki ngā koroua ka pai noa iho ki ngā tamariki.

Ahakoa te hiahia kia noho pukumahi ngā tamariki, kaua e manukanuka mēnā: 

• E hiahia ana te pāpā o tō tāne ki te kawe i ngā tamariki ki te papa whakangahau, ki te mātaki kiriata rānei mō ngā rā e whā karapīpiti i te hararei raumati. 
• Ka hoatu e te tungāne o tō hoa he tahua tāpiri ki a rātou i ō rātou rā whānau
• Ka tukuna e tō whaea ki a ia ētahi wā atu mō te pouaka whakaata i ētahi wā.

8. I te whakatakoto rohe ki te whānau, kia maumahara, ehara i te mea mōu ake

Nā, me pēhea te whakatakoto rohe mō ngā hungawai e pokanoa ana? Me pēhea te whakahaere i ngā hungawai e kore e pai ki a koe? Ko te hunga e kōrero tonu ana mō ngā ihu o āu tamariki, ā rātou māka, ō makawe, tō tunu kai rānei i ia wā? Tae noa ki te whakaaro, "Me whai hononga rānei ahau ki ōku hungawai?"

I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake kia kaua e aro ki ngā kōrero, ki ngā tohutohu rānei. Hei oranga mōu, ngana kia kaua e aro ki ngā kōrero me ngā mahi. Ahakoa te aha, kāore e taea te akiaki i a koe kia noho tahi me tētahi. Ki te mea he āwhina te tawhiti atu i a koe i ō hungawai ki te whakaiti i te mauahara, waiho mārika. Kia mōhio koe kāore koe e hiahia ki te noho tahi me ō hungawai . He pai ki te kī, "Kāore au e hiahia ki te kite i ōku hungawai i ia wiki." Me "Kāore au e hiahia ki te kite i ōku hungawai i ēnei rā."

Ko te tumanako, kua āwhina ā mātou tohutohu me ngā tauira mō ngā rohe ki ngā hungawai i a koe ki te mārama me pēhea te whakahaere pai ake i ngā take a te hungawai. Kia maumahara, ko ngā rohe hauora ka hanga i ngā whanaungatanga hauora. Ina whakautu koe ki te pātai mō te whakatakoto rohe ki te hungawai wahine me te hungawai tāne, kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira. Kia maumahara ko ō hungawai he wāhanga o tō oranga. Ā, ko te whakatupu i te riri ki ngā mātua ka kino noa iho ngā whanaungatanga i te wā roa. Nō reira, ina tae mai ki te whānau me te hoa rangatira, he mea tika kia waiho tō hoa rangatira ki mua, kimihia he huarahi e ōrite ai, kia kotahi te whakaaro ki a rātou, ā, kia kotahi te whakaaro.

I whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Ākuhata 2023.

Ngā Huarahi e 7 e Whakangaromia ai ngā Mārenatanga e ngā Whaea-i-te-ture – Me Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakaora i ō Mārena

15 Ngā Tohu e Tino Riri Ana Tō Tāne Ki Ana Hungawai

10 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatau i ngā Hunga Ture Whakahē

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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