11 Ngā Tohu Mamae e Whakahē Ana Tō Hoa I Tō Hononga

Ko te whanaungatanga hauora, whai hua, e ahu mai ana i te whakawhirinaki, te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi, me te maioha ki ngā mahi a ngā hoa mahi tetahi ki tetahi. Kia tupu ai te aroha, he mea nui kia mihi ngā hoa mahi ki ngā mahi a tetahi ki tetahi. Ko te kore e aro ki te whanaungatanga, te kore e whakahoki i te kaha o tetahi hoa mahi, te mea rānei kia kore rātou e whai tikanga, ka raru pea te whanaungatanga.

Ko te whakahawea i tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ka kino ki tō rātou whakaaro ki a rātou anō, ā, ka puta pea te riri me te riri ki tō rātou hoa. I kōrero mātou ki te kaiako whakaipoipo Geetarsh Kaur, te kaiwhakaū o Te Kura Pūkenga e tohunga ana ki te hanga whanaungatanga kaha ake, mō te tikanga o te whakaaro noa he mea noa, he aha i whakaaro noa ai tetahi ki a koe, me te aha e mahi ai ina whakaaro noa ana tō hoa ki a koe i roto i te whanaungatanga.

He aha te tikanga o te whakaaro noa he mea noa iho tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga?

Kei te rapu koe i te tikanga o te tangohia noatia? Āe, e ai ki a Merriam-Webster, ko te tikanga o te tangohia noatia "he whakaiti i te uara (i tētahi mea, i tētahi tangata rānei) ki te kore e kite, e maioha rānei ki (tētahi, i tētahi mea rānei e tika ana kia uaratia)". Geetarsh e whakamārama ana, "Ina tīmata te whanaungatanga, ka tino mahana, ka pōuri hoki te ngākau o te tangata. Ka puta te maioha ki ngā mahi iti a ngā hoa mahi tetahi ki tetahi. Engari, i te whanaketanga haere, ka mutu te whakanui, te whakamihi rānei a tetahi o ngā hoa mahi i ngā mahi iti a te hoa mahi."

"Ka puta tēnei nā te mea ka tīmata te ahua o ngā mahi kia rite ki te mahi noa. E whakaaro ana rātou he mahi mā tō rātou hoa te mahi i aua mea mā rātou. E whakaaro ana rātou he tika ki a rātou ngā mahi me ngā patunga tapu katoa a tō rātou hoa. Koinei te tikanga o te whakaaro noa ki tētahi i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ina mutu te maioha o tō hoa ki ngā mahi pono e mahia ana e koe kia arohaina, kia manaakitia rānei rātou, ko te tikanga kei te whakaaro noa rātou ki ngā mea i roto i te whanaungatanga," tana kī.

Ko te whakaaro noa iho, arā, ko te whakamahi kino i a koe, ka taea te whakararu i tō whanaungatanga ki tetahi atu. Ko te whanaungatanga he mea hoatu, he mea tango. Tērā pea ka te āhua kāore i te arohia, kāore i arohia, kāore hoki i te whakanuia i muri i te aroha me te manaaki e hoatu ana e rātou ki tētahi atu. Kāore rānei rātou i te tino maioha mō te kaha i whakapaua e rātou ki te hononga. Kāore rānei tō rātou hoa e hoatu ana i te whakaute e tika ana mā rātou. Kāore rānei ā rātou mahi tohu e utua ana. Kia mōhio koe he tohu ēnei katoa o te kore whakaaro noa ki ngā mea i roto i te whanaungatanga.

I ētahi wā, ko te whakaaro kua warewarehia koe, tera pea he hua nō te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Mēnā koinei te āhua, ka taea e kōrua ko tō hoa te kōrero mō te take, ā, ka tae ki tētahi whakataunga. Tērā pea kei te mihi tō hoa mō ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe mā rātou, engari kāore i taea e rātou te whakapuaki i te whakaaro e hiahia ana koe. Heoi anō, i ētahi wā, tera pea kei te whakaitihia koe, kāore rānei i te maiohahia mō āu mahi. Me matapaki tātou i ngā tohu o te whakaaro kua warewarehia te whanaungatanga kia mārama ake ai.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te whakatau i te kore aro o tētahi e arohaina ana e koe?

11 Ngā Tohu Mamae e Whakahē Ana Tō Hoa I Tō Hononga

Kei te raru tonu koe i te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa wahine e whakahawea ana ki a koe? Kei te rapu tohu rānei koe kei te whakahawea ia ki a koe i muri i ētahi marama noa iho o te whakaipoipo? Āe, he ngawari noa iho ngā tohu o te whakahawea i tētahi whanaungatanga, ā, he uaua ki te hoa e whiwhi ana i te whanaungatanga ki te mārama, ki te kite rānei i a rātou. I ētahi wā, he tino pukumahi koe. haurangi i roto i te aroha me tō hoa rangatira ka warewarehia e koe te kino, ka arotahi ki te pai.

Engari ki te mōhio koe kei te hē te āhua o te manaaki a tō hoa aroha ki a koe, kua whakaaro pea koe he aha te take e whakahawea ana tetahi ki a koe i muri i tā rātou kī mai e aroha ana rātou ki a koe. Me te pānga o taua whanonga ki a koe me tō whanaungatanga. E ai ki a Geetarsh, "E whakahawea ana rātou ki a koe nā te mea e whakaaro ana rātou he mārama tonu tā rātou hoa, he pakeke, he atawhai, ā, he tikanga tā rātou ki te tuku i a koe. Ko taua tauira whanonga ka hanga i te kore whakawhirinaki, ka wehea te tawhiti i waenga i ngā hoa, ā, ka puta he kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero."

Hei whakatau i te aha me mahi ina whakahawea ana tō hoa ki a koe, me mōhio koe ki ngā tohu e whakaatu ana kei te tukinotia rawatia koe. Mā te mōhio ki ngā tohu ka āwhina i a koe ki te rongoā i te raruraru. Anei ngā tohu tekau mā tahi hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama mena kei te whakahawea ana tō hoa ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

1. Kāore rātou e kī ana "ngā mihi"

E kī ana a Geetarsh, "Kāore he whakawhetai o ēnei tāngata. Ki te kore tō hoa e mihi ana ki te mahi, ki te whakapau kaha rānei e whakapau kaha ana koe ki te whanaungatanga, ahakoa he mea taketake noa iho." nga mahi o te whare "ki ngā mea ātaahua rānei e mahia ana e koe hei mea motuhake mā rātou, kāti kei te whakahawea rātou ki a koe. Ki te kore rātou e whakaatu i te whakawhetai i tetahi ara, mō ngā mea iti, ngā mea nui rānei e mahia ana e koe mā rātou, kia tūpato ki aua whanonga."

Ko tētahi atu tohu o te kore aro ki tētahi i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko te kore e aro ki ngā mahi e mahia ana e koe hei pupuri i te hononga. E kore rawa rātou e maioha ki ō mahi, e kore hoki e whakaae ki ngā whakaaetanga, ki ngā patunga tapu rānei e mahia ana e koe mā rātou. E kore rātou e mōhio ki tō uara i roto i ō rātou ao. Ahakoa he take noa iho, he tohu nui tēnei mēnā kāore tō hoa e whakaatu i te whakawhetai mō ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe mā rātou.

2. Kāore rātou e rapu tohutohu i a koe mō ngā take nui

Me noho te whanaungatanga hei hononga mahi tahi a te hunga ōrite. Ka pāngia ngā taha e rua e ngā whakataunga mō ngā take iti, nui rānei, koia te take me huihui ngā hoa e rua ki te whakatau i tā rāua e hiahia ana ki te mahi. Ki te kore tēnā e tupu, he mahi... haki whero whanaungatangaKi te kore tō hoa e tono mai i ō whakaaro, i ō tohutohu rānei, kāore rānei e aro ki te kōrero ki a koe i mua i te whakatau i tētahi whakatau nui mō te ao, he tohu tēnā kei te whakaaro noa ia ki ngā mea katoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.

E kī ana a Geetarsh, "Ki te kore tō hoa rangatira e whakauru i a koe, e rapu whakaaro rānei i roto i tētahi tukanga whakatau, ki te kore rātou e kōrero mō ngā mea hou kua tupu, ngā tīmatanga rānei o tō rātou ao, ko te tikanga kāore rātou e whakaaro he nui tō hiranga. Ki a rātou he pai ki te whakatau i ngā whakataunga nui me te kore e kōrero, e whakamōhio rānei ki a koe mō taua mea."

E mārama ana kei te wareware rātou ki tō aroaro me tō takoha ki te whanaungatanga. He tohu tēnei kāore ō whakaaro e whai uara. I ngā wā tino kino, tera pea ka kite rātou i a koe hei hoa rangatira, hei hoa āwhina rānei, koia rātou ka whakakorekore i ō tirohanga, ō tohu mātauranga, me ō wheako – koinei tonu te tikanga o te whakaaro noa he mea noa iho.

3. He tino tono nui rātou, ā, he nui rawa ā rātou tumanakohanga mai i a koe

Hei whakaū anō, he hononga ōrite te whanaungatanga, e wehewehea ana ngā kawenga, ngā tumanakohanga, me te mahi. Engari, ki te kitea koe e tango ana i te kaupapa katoa, e mahi ana i ngā mahi katoa me ngā mahi taumaha, e mahi ana i ngā patunga tapu iti me ngā patunga tapu nui, ā, kāore e whiwhi i tētahi "whakawhetai" noa iho, kia mōhio koe kei te whakahawea noa tō hoa ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

Hei tauira, ki te mea he nui ngā tono a tō tāne i a koe, ā, e tumanako ana kia whakahaerea e koe ngā mea katoa – ngā mahi o te whare, te tiaki i ngā tamariki, te whakarite i ngā pō whakatā, te mahi tāpiri mō ētahi moni tāpiri, te kore e whakawhanaunga ki ētahi tāngata nā te mea kāore ia e pai ki tēnā – ko ēnei ēnei. ngā tohu e whakaae ana ia ki a koeWaihoki, ki te mea kei roto koe i tētahi hononga wahine, ā, ka kitea e koe kei te whakapau kaha koe ki te whakahaere i te hononga i a ia e kore rawa e aro mai ki a koe, kia mōhio koe he mea hē te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa wahine e whakahawea ana ki a koe.

4. Ko tā rātou mahi me ō rātou hoa te mea nui ake i a koe

Ki te mea kei te whakanui tonu tetahi o ngā hoa i tā rātou mahi, i ā rātou hoa rānei i a koe, he tohu tēnā kei te whakahawea koe ki tētahi i roto i te whanaungatanga. Kāore mātou e kī ana me whakamā koe i a rātou mō te haere tahi me ā rātou hoa i te pō, te hoki pō mai rānei i te mahi i ētahi wā. Engari ki te mea ka noho hei mahi noa iho, ā, ka rite te noho tahi me koe ki tētahi herenga, ki tētahi mahi taha rānei, ki tētahi momo āhuatanga rānei 'kua whiti mai te rā i te hauauru', kei te whakahawea tō hoa ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

E ai ki a Geetarsh, "Me whai kawenga koe ki tō hoa rangatira. Tērā pea he rā pukumahi engari me whai wā koe mō tō hoa aroha. Mena ka whakakorea tonutia e rātou ngā mahere, ka whakaroa tonu rānei i aua mahere nā te mea he pukumahi rawa rātou i te mahi, me tūtaki rānei ki ngā hoa, he tohu tēnā kei te whakahawea tō hoa rangatira ki a koe."

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5. Ka whakapotohia e rātou ngā kōrero

Kei te hiahia tonu tō hoa ki te whakaoti i tētahi kōrero? He tikanga tāna ki te tapahi poto i ngā kōrero katoa? Kia tūpato, nā te mea he tohu ēnei e kore ia e aro ki a koe. Kei te haere atu tō hoa wahine i a koe e kōrero ana ki a ia, kei te rapu huarahi rānei hei whakamutu wawe i te waea i ia wā ka waea atu koe ki a ia, ā, kāore e waea mai ki a koe kia mutu te kōrero? Āe, tera pea kei te aro atu koe ki tētahi hoa wahine e kore e aro ki a koe.

E whakamārama ana a Geetarsh, "Ko tētahi o ngā tohu o te whakaaro noa he mea noa iho i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te hunga e whakaatu ana i ēnei whanonga ka hohoro tonu ki te whakamutu i ngā kōrero ki ā rātou hoa, ahakoa he kanohi ki te kanohi, he waea rānei. Nā te mea pea kāore ō whakaaro, ō kōrero rānei e kitea ana e rātou he mea nui, nā reira ka meinga koe kia ... te kore e hiahiatia"...kāore i rangona, kāore i te whakanuia, ā, i whakaititia." Ki te mea e whakanuia ana koe me ō kare ā-roto e tō hoa, kaua rātou e whakakore i a koe. Ki te kite koe i tētahi tauira, kia mōhio koe kei te whakahawea tō hoa ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

6. Kāore rātou e whakarongo ki tāu e kōrero nei

Ko te whanaungatanga hauora e uru ana ki te whakarongo me te aro o ngā hoa e rua ki ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi. Ehara i te mea ko te whakarongo tetahi ki tētahi anake ka āwhina i ngā hoa ki te mārama ki ngā hiahia, ngā wawata, me ngā tumanakohanga o tētahi ki tētahi, engari he whakaatu hoki i te manaaki me te aro. Mēnā kāore tētahi o ngā hoa e whakarongo ana ki tētahi atu, kāore rānei e aro nui pērā i mua, he tohu tēnā kei te whakahawea tetahi ki tētahi i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Ka whakamārama a Geetarsh, "Mehemea he rā whakahihiri tōu i te mahi, i te taha rānei o ō hoa, i a koe e haereere ana rānei. E hiahia ana koe ki te kōrero ki tō hoa mō taua mea. Engari ka kitea e koe kāore rātou e hiahia ana ki te whakarongo ki a koe, e tuku ana rānei i ngā whakautu haurua. Ki te mea ka tupu tonu tēnei, kei te whakaaro noa rātou ki a koe."

7. Ka karohia e rātou te aroha me te whanaungatanga piripono

Koinei tētahi o ngā tohu nui o te kore aro ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka puta ngā whanaungatanga katoa i ngā wā e iti ake ai te aroha, e iti iho rānei te whanaungatanga piripono, engari ki te mea me inoi koe i tō hoa, he tohu kino tēnā. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore rātou e hiahia ana ki te whakawai i a koe, ki te kore rānei kia motuhake ai koe, ki te mea rānei kei te ākina koe e tetahi nekehanga, he tohu tēnā kei te whakahaweatia koe.

I roto i te whanaungatanga, tera pea kāore tetahi o ngā hoa i te aroha, i te tino hiahia rānei ki ngā tohu aroha me ngā whakaaturanga aroha i te aroaro o te marea. Engari, ki te kore rawa he whakaaturanga aroha, he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero rānei i waenga i ngā hoa, tera pea he raruraru. Tērā pea kei te mōhio rātou e kore rawa koe e whakarērea, e tinihanga rānei i a rātou, koia te take kāore he raruraru nui ki a rātou te kore aro ki ō hiahia. Mena kua whakapuakina e koe ō āwangawanga, ā, kāore anō kia puta he whakatikatika mai i a rātou, he tohu mārama tēnei kei te whakaaro noa koe ki ngā mea katoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.

8. Ka whakakorea e rātou ō āwangawanga me ō kare ā-roto

Ko tētahi atu tohu kino mō te kore whakaaro nui ki tētahi whanaungatanga ko te wā e whakahē ana tō hoa i ō āwangawanga, e whakahāwea ana rānei i a koe i ia wā e whakapuaki ana koe i ō hiahia, i ō āwangawanga rānei ki a rātou. Ki te mea ka meinga koe e rātou kia pōuri, kia kore rānei e whakaute i a koe, kia mōhio kei te tangohia koe hei mea noa iho.

E kī ana a Geetarsh, "He maha ngā wā ka huri ngā tautohetohe ki tō hoa hei pakanga wikitoria? Kāore ianei rātou e whakamana i ō kare ā-roto? He tohu kino. Me kimi e kōrua he huarahi e ōrite ai i te wā o te tautohetohe. Engari ki te hiahia noa tō hoa ki te wikitoria, ka haere tonu rātou ki te whakakore i ō āwangawanga me ō kare ā-roto, ka meinga koe kia whakaaro kāore rātou e aro nui ana ki a koe kia aro ki ō whakaaro."

I roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te tikanga kia tautoko tetahi i tetahi, kia tiaki tetahi i tetahi. Me whai wāhi atu rātou ki tō harikoa, kaua e kimi huarahi hei whakamāmā i a koe. te kore e arohaina kāore rānei e whakautehia ana. Ki te kore rātou e aro nui ana ki ō kare ā-roto, e whakahawea ana rānei, kia mōhio koe kei te whakahawea noa rātou ki a koe, ā, kua tae ki te wā kia tū atu koe mōu ake me tō oranga.

9. Ka whakatakoto mahere rātou me te kore e pātai atu ki a koe

He tikanga tō tō hoa ki te whakarite mahere me te kore e tono atu ki a koe? Ka haere tonu rātou ki te whakarite i tō wā, i tō maramataka rānei me te kore e tono atu ki tō whakaaetanga, me te kore hoki e tirotiro mēnā kei te wātea koe ki te noho tahi? He mea nui rānei ki a rātou tō wā wātea i mua i te whakaae ki ngā mahere? Āe, ki te kore rātou e whakaute i tō whakaaetanga, i ētahi atu herenga rānei, he tohu mārama tēnei kei te whakahaweatia koe.

Ki te mea ka mahia e tō hoa tā rātou e hiahia ana, ka haere mai, ka haere atu i ngā wā e pai ana ki a rātou, ka whakarite rānei i ā rātou wā hui katoa i a koe e wātea ana, he tohu tēnā kei te whakaaro noa rātou ki ngā mea katoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kei te tumanako, kei te tono rānei rātou kia whakarērea e koe ō herenga kia tutuki ai ā rātou kaupapa me ā rātou hiahia, engari ka kore e mahi i te mea kotahi ina hiahiatia ana e koe, kāti kāore koe e manaakitia ana i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga.

10. He nui atu ā rātou e whiwhi ana i tā rātou e hoatu ana

He ara rua te whanaungatanga. E rua ngā huarahi hei tango. Tō reo aroha He rerekē pea. He rerekē pea ō kōrua huarahi whakaatu aroha, whakawhetai rānei, engari he mea nui kia ōrite te takoha a ngā hoa e rua. Ki te kore, he tohu tēnei o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ā, he tohu kino hoki kei te whakahawea tō hoa ki a koe.

E whakamārama ana a Geetarsh, "Mēnā kotahi anake te hoa rangatira e kaha ana ki te whakatinana i te whanaungatanga – te whakarite i tētahi pō whakatau, te kai tahi, te haere hararei, te kī "Aroha ana ahau ki a koe", te tuku mihi, te whakarite i tētahi ohorere – engari kāore tetahi atu e whakahoki mai, e whakaae mai rānei ki tētahi o ēnei mea, he tohu tēnā kei te wareware noa koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga."

Kei te whai tonu koe i te huarahi ki te whakatata atu ki tō hoa rangatira? Kei te whakarite tonu koe i ngā rā whānau, i ngā huritau, i ētahi atu huihuinga motuhake rānei? Kei te mahi noa koe i ngā mahi katoa, kei te whakahaere hoki i ngā mea katoa i a koe e noho noa ana tō hoa rangatira, kāore he āwangawanga? Mena ko te whakautu ki ēnei pātai katoa he 'āe', he mihi ki a koe, engari kei te whakaarohia koe he mea noa iho i roto i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea kei te whakaaro tō hoa rangatira kāore koe e wehe atu ahakoa te āhua o tā rātou mahi ki a koe.

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11. Ka tuku karere kuputuhi, ka kōrero rānei rātou ina hiahia ana rātou ki tētahi mea

Ina tīmata kōrero tetahi o ngā hoa i te wā e hiahia ana rātou ki tētahi mea, he mahi kino tēnā he tohu mō tētahi whanaungatanga hauora kore. Ki te waea mai rātou, ka tuku karere kuputuhi mai, ka kōrero mai rānei ki a koe hei whakatutuki i tētahi hiahia, ā, kāore e aro nui ki tō wā, kia mōhio koe kei te whakahawea noa rātou ki tētahi whanaungatanga. Me taea e ngā hoa te whai kōrero whai tikanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Engari ki te mea kua herea noa iho ā kōrua kōrero ki ngā mahi noa iho, he raruraru tērā.

E ai ki a Geetarsh, "I tēnei wā o te pāpāho pāpori, tera pea ka whakapuaki ngā hoa i ō rātou kare ā-roto mā te tuku karere ki Instagram, ki Facebook rānei. Ka taea hoki e koe te tuku karere DM ātaahua ki a rātou. Engari ki te kore rātou e whakaae, e hiahia rānei ki te whakautu ki aua karere, kei te whakahawea rātou ki ō kare ā-roto."

He mea kino te whakaaro noa ki a koe anō mō ​​tō oranga hinengaro me tō oranga kare ā-roto. Ka pā kino hoki ki tō whanaungatanga. E kī ana a Geetarsh, "Mā tēnei whanonga ka ngaro tō whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa. E whakaaro ana koe ahakoa te aha e mahia e koe, kāore rawa he utu whakahoki. Nō reira, he aha ai? Ka hangaia he āputa i waenganui i ngā hoa, ā, ka mutu tā rātou kōrero, tā rātou mahi tahi rānei."

I ētahi wā, ko te whakaaro kāore i te tino tika, he nui te whakawhirinaki, te pumau, me te whakamarie i waenganui i ngā hoa, ā, kāore he haumitanga atu e hiahiatia ana i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa he mea pai tēnā, kaua rawa ngā hoa e wareware ki te whakaatu i te maioha. Ahakoa he "whakawhetai" noa iho, he nui te painga. Te whakaute tahiKo te whakawhirinaki, me te māramatanga ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Ki te mea kua tīmata tō hoa ki te whakaaro he tika ia, ā, kāore e whakaatu ana i te whakawhetai, kia mōhio koe kei te whakahawea noa ia ki tētahi whanaungatanga.

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ki te take e whakahawea ana tetahi ki a koe, me ngā tohu e whakaatu ana kei te pena anō tō hoa rangatira, tera pea kei te whakaaro koe me aha koe. E kī ana a Geetarsh, "Me mārama ngā hoa rangatira ehara i te mea ko te aroha anake engari ko te whakaute me te kawenga e hono ana ki te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kei te whakahawea tō hoa rangatira ki ngā mea i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te huarahi anake hei whakatau i ngā mea ko te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te pātai atu ki a rātou te take o tēnei momo whanonga."

Ina whakahawea tō hoa ki a koe, ā, ki te mea kua tino kino rawa ā rātou whanonga, whakaarohia te wehe i a rātou. Kāore he painga o te noho tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore e whakanuia ana tō wā, ō kaha, ō whakaaro me ō whakaaro. Kāore he tangata e tika ana kia warewarehia, kia whakaititia, kia kore rānei e whakautehia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ki te mea kua hoha koe ki te kore e mihi mai tō hoa ki ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe mā rātou, kati.

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