Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne teka?

"He tangata teka kaha taku tāne. E kōrero teka ana ia mō ngā mea iti me ngā mea nui. Ahakoa e mōhio ana ia kei te teka ia, kāore e taea e ia te ārai i a ia anō. E ngana ana ia ki te huna i ōna hē, engari ināianei he uaua ki ahau te whakapono ki tētahi mea, ā, kei te hiahia ahau ki te tirotiro anō, ā, kei te pāngia tō māua whanaungatanga. Me pēhea taku whakatau i tētahi tāne teka?" i tuhituhi a Nancy (ingoa kua hurihia) ki ā mātou kaitohutohu whanaungatanga. 

Ehara i te mea motuhake te āhuatanga o Nancy. Ko ngā kōrero teka mō te whanaungatanga, inā koa mō ngā tāne, kua noho noa iho me ngā whakaaro pēnei i te "he tinihanga ngā kōrero teka mō te marena harikoa". Inaa, e ai ki te rangahau, he maha ake ngā wā ka tahuri ngā tāne ki ngā kōrero teka whaiaro i ngā wāhine. rangahau Me tohu hoki he nui ake te tūponotanga o ngā tāne ki te kōrero i ngā kōrero teka 'kino' i ngā wāhine, me ērā atu kōrero teka kino ake.

He tokomaha ngā tāne e whakaaro ana he pai ngā kōrero teka mō ngā mea iti mena he pono tonu i roto i te marena. Engari he teka tonu ngā kōrero teka, ā, mā te iti haere ka taea e rātou te whakaiti i tētahi o ngā taonga nui rawa atu ka taea e te tokorua te hoatu tetahi ki tetahi - te taonga o te whakawhirinaki! Nō reira, me pēhea te whakatau i te tinihanga i roto i te marena? Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te mārama. Me tīmata mā te mārama he aha i huna ai e tō tāne ngā mea ngaro i te tuatahi. 

He aha ngā tāne ka kōrero teka ai mō ngā mea iti?

Mā te rapu i te pūtake o tana take mō te teka ka mārama ake koe ki te āhua o te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira teka. He maha ngā take ka taea e ngā tāne te teka mō ngā mea iti:

• Tērā pea kei te tahuri ia ki he ma te takoto i roto i te whanaungatanga hei whakaora i ō kare ā-roto
• Tērā pea kei te ngana ia ki te huna i tētahi mea ngaro paru
• He huarahi pea ngā kōrero teka hei karo i ngā pakanga
• Tērā pea kei te ngana ia ki te whakahaere i tō urupare ki tētahi mea e mōhio ana ia ka raru koe.

"Kāore e taea te kore e huri hei tāne teka mēnā kei te pirangi koe ki te pupuri i te rangimārie me te karo i te pakanga. Ki te kī atu ahau ki taku wahine i wareware ahau ki te tiki i te tiihi kirīmi, ka pōuri ia, engari ki te kī atu ahau kua pau te toa, e kore te āhuatanga e piki haere," te kī a Joseph Ruskin (kua hurihia te ingoa). 

Kua waiho te teka i roto i ngā whanaungatanga hei mea noa mā ngā tāne.

He tokomaha ngā tāne e kī ana ka iti ake ā rātou kōrero teka mēnā ka iti ake te ātete o ngā wāhine, ā, ka marino ake. I roto i ā mātou rangahau katoa, ko tētahi mea i tino puta ko te kōrero teka a te tāne hei karo i te pakanga, hei huna rānei i ngā mea e tino mōhiotia ana ka puta he tauhohenga mai i tana wahine. Heoi, ko te mea nui, mēnā ka kōrero teka te tāne, ka huna hoki i ngā mea i ngā wā katoa, he takahi i te ture. whakawhirinaki ki te honongaHeoi, mai i te tirohanga a te tāne, ka tiakina, ka tiakina hoki te whanaungatanga ki tā rātou hoa rangatira e ngā kōrero teka kino. Nō reira, ka kōrero pea ia i ngā kōrero teka māmā pēnei i:

• "Kāo, e tama! Kāore koe i piki ake te taumaha"
• "Kāore au i te tirotiro i taua kōtiro ātaahua!"
• "Kāore au i momi hikareti"
• "Kāore au i pakaru i te vase"
• "He hoa noa iho ia, kei te nui rawa ō whakaaro"
• "He tino reka taua kai"

Ki ngā tāne, te āhua nei he huarahi ēnei kōrero teka hei whakaatu i te aroha me te manaaki i roto i te whanaungatanga. Heoi anō, ka taea e tēnei āhua te neke atu i te mana whakahaere, ā, ka piki ake hei tetahi o ngā ngā whanonga kino e whakangaro ana i ngā whanaungatanga. I te wā roa, ka taea e ia te whakapōrearea i te whanaungatanga. 

Ka rongo te wahine e tinihangatia tonutia ana, e tinihangatia ana. Tērā pea ka whakaaro ia kāore tana tāne e kī ana he nui tōna mohio. Ka taea e tēnei te whakatupu i te riri hohonu ki roto i te whanaungatanga, ka āta wehea haeretia ngā hoa tokorua. Nō reira, kāore e pumau te marena teka i te wā roa. Engari ki te tupato, ki te mātakitaki hoki te wahine, ka kitea pea e ia ngā tohu huna a te tāne i mua i te mutunga rawa.

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"He tangata teka pukumahi taku tāne" me "Kei te teka tonu taku tāne ki ahau". Kāore he wahine e whakaaro noa ki tēnei whakatau. Nā te mea ina noho tahi kōrua ko tāu tāne, e mōhio ana koe ki a ia i roto i waho. Ehara i te mea uaua ki te kite i te reo o te tinana. ngā tohu o te tinihanga a te tāne.

E mōhio ana koe ki tana tauhohenga ki ngā āhuatanga, ka taea e koe te kite i te momo wairua o ia mā te āhua o tōna mata/te reo, kua kite koe i tana aro ki ngā wero uaua. Nō reira, ki te kore e taea e koe te whakakore i te whakaaro kei te karohia, kei te tinihanga hoki tō hoa rangatira, kua tae pea te wā ki te tīmata ki te aro nui atu ki ana whanonga/tikanga. He tauira tō te teka, nō reira anei ētahi tohu teka a te tāne hei tūpato māu:

1. Ngā pātai mō āu pātai

Kia tino mōhio ai koe mēnā kei te teka, kei te huna rānei tō tāne i ngā mea, kia aro ki tana urupare ina whakaaro ia kua tūkinotia ia. Ka karo te tāne tinihanga, teka, i te whakautu tika i tētahi pātai. Engari, ka whakamahia e ia ngā momo rautaki hei whakapēhi i te kaupapa o te hoa rangatira, ka tukuna anō te pātai ki a rātou. Tērā pea ka taka koe ki roto i taua pātai. He tauira tawhito:

Koe: Kei te aro atu koe ki a ia?
Ia: Me pēhea koe e whakaaro ai ka aro atu ahau ki a ia!

Mā tēnei ka whai wā ia ki te whakaaro me te whakatakoto i tētahi kōrero teka hei whakapohehe i a koe, haunga anō kua whakamahia kētia e ia hara-takahanga kia whai hua ai koe ki te whakaaroaro anō i ō kare ā-roto. Ki te mea kei te takarohia koe, kia kaha, me te tono atu kia whakautu tika ia "Āe" "Kāo" rānei. Ki te mea kei te roa tonu tana whakautu, he tohu tēnā kei te huna e ia tetahi mea.

Ko tētahi atu huarahi hei tirotiro mēnā kei te mahi koe me tētahi tangata teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te tirotiro mēnā kei te kōrero teka koe. Koinei te wā ka hopukina e koe tētahi e kōrero teka ana, ā, ka whakapaetia koe e rātou. Ka ngana rātou ki te pātai i tō whakaaro, ki te whakahaere i a koe kia whakaaro kei te hē koe. Ka whakamahia e te tangata kōrero teka ēnei kōrero hei whakama i a koe:

• "He whakaponokore!"
• "He aha koe te whakawhirinaki mai ai ki ahau?"
• "He aha i kei te tino pōuri koe? "

2. He maha ngā wā e whakamahi ana i ngā whakakī hei whakautu

Me whai wā ngā tāne tinihanga me ngā tāne teka ki te whakaputa i tētahi kōrero teka e whakaponohia ana, e pono ana hoki ki ā rātou wāhine. Nō reira, tera pea ka roa te wā ki te whakautu i ngā pātai katoa e pātaihia ana e koe. I roto i tēnei horopaki, anei ētahi tohu o te tāne teka:

• Ka whakamahia e ia ngā kupu whakakī pēnei i te "umm", "ā huh", me ētahi atu hei hoko wā ki te tito i tētahi kōrero teka e whakaponohia ana.
• Ka roa ana whakatā, ka wehe atu rānei i ngā kōrero hei karo i te kaupapa e kōrerohia ana
• Ka kīkī ia, ka nui rawa rānei tana whakamahi i ngā kupu pēnei i te "e mōhio ana koe", "ko te tikanga"
• Ka kitea hoki e koe he panoni i te teitei o tana oro, nā te manukanuka/manawa pōuri

Te whakatau i te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga ehara i te mea ngāwari. Tirohia mēnā kei te pōrearea ia, kei te werawera, kei te mataku, kei te āwangawanga rānei. Tirohia mēnā kei te kōrero ōkawa ake tō tāne ki a koe i tana e kōrero noa nei. He tohu pea tēnei kei te pupuri tō tāne i ngā mea ngaro.

3. Ka roa ake te wā whakautu, ahakoa mō ngā pātai ngāwari

Ahakoa ngā pātai ka taea te whakautu ngāwari i roto i ngā hēkona me te "āe" me te "kāo" rānei, ka rapu pea te tāne tinihanga teka i tētahi huarahi hei mawhiti atu i ngā āhuatanga uaua. Nā te mea he nui te whakapau kaha ki te teka, kāore ngā kupu e rere pai ana ina kōrero teka ana te tangata. Me tū rātou, me rapu kupu e tika ana. Ko ngā tūnga koretake, te rapu huarahi rānei hei whakaroa i te whakautu, he tohu pea kei te pāngia koe e tētahi raruraru. hoa rangatira teka.

Me aha koe ina teka tonu tāu tāne ki a koe? Kia tūpato ki tana whakautu ki ngā pātai māmā noa iho. Hei tauira, ki te pātai atu koe ki a ia, "I takaro korowha koe?", ā, hei utu mō te whakautu wawe me te "āe" me te "kāo" rānei, ka whakaari ia kei te tino pukumahi ia ki te tango i tana koti me ana hu, me te whakarite i aua mea ki roto i te kāpata i mua i te whakautu, ko te tikanga pea kei te tatari ia me te whakaaro ki te "whakautu tika". 

4. Kei te huri haere tonu āna tauira kōrero

Tautoko Pooja Priyamvada e kī ana, "Ko te reo tinana karo he tohu pono o te teka ā-tinana. Ka karo te hoa rangatira teka i te titiro kanohi, ka takaro, ka rapu huarahi, ka ngana ki te rapu whakamārama. Ka mā ngā ngutu o te tangata, ka mā/whero ō rātou mata ina teka rātou. Ahakoa ō rātou ngāwari katoa, he rerekē te kōrero a ō rātou reo tinana."

Kei te teka tō hoa rangatira mō te moni? Kei te huna rānei i ngā kōrero mō ētahi atu mea? Whakamātauria tēnei pātaitai tere hei tirotiro mēnā kei te te mahi tahi me te tangata teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga:

• Kei te kite koe i te whakaroa i roto i te kōrero a tō hoa? Āe/Kāo
• Ka tere tonu te kimo o ō rātou kamo i a rātou e ngana ana ki te tito i tētahi kōrero pono hei huna i ō rātou ara? Āe/Kāo
• He maha ngā wā ka kitea e koe tō hoa e karo ana i te titiro kanohi i a koe e kōrero ana ki a koe? Āe/Kāo
• E kite ana koe i a rātou e noho pōrearea ana, e nekeneke ana rānei ina kōrero mai rātou ki a koe? Āe/Kāo
• Ka ngau rātou i ō rātou ngutu/ka werawera/ka whero paku? Āe/Kāo
• He kupu tito noa iho ā rātou, he ataata rūpahu, kāore e tae ki ngā kanohi? Āe/Kāo
• E tū ana rātou me ngā ringa whiti/e noho ana me ngā waewae whiti/e huna ana i ō rātou ringa ki roto i ngā pōke? Āe/Kāo
• Ka hipokina e rātou ō rātou mata, ka mirimiri i ō rātou kanohi/ihu kia kore ai e puta he tautohetohe? Āe/Kāo

Mena kua whakautua e koe te nuinga o ngā pātai i runga ake nei, ko te tūponotanga he tāne tinihanga, he tangata teka tāu. Kia tino aro ki te reo o tōna tinana (pēnei i te pakaru ohorere o tōna reo, te teitei rānei o te reo) kia kitea ai mēnā kei te tinihangatia koe e tētahi e arohaina ana e koe. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakatau i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga engari ko te huarahi anake hei whakatau i te āhuatanga ko te mōhio ki te ao tūturu, ā, mō tēnā, me mataara tonu koe ki ētahi mea. 

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5. Te wā ngaro

Me pēhea te mōhio kei te huna tetahi i tetahi mea? Pooja e mea ana, "Ka nui te wā e ngaro ana i roto i tā rātou kaupapa mahi. Hei karo i te whakamārama i tō rātou wāhi i tēnei wā, ka mahi rātou i te tawhiti, ka hoatu rānei ki a koe he koha utu nui, kāore he take."

Hei whakatau mēnā kei te whakaaro koe mō ngā ngā tohu o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga he painga tōna, pātai atu ki a koe anō:

• Kua ohorere kē te pukumahi o tō hoa rangatira, ā, kāore he wā hei noho tahi me koe?
• He maha ngā wā ka rongo koe i ngā amuamu mō te pikinga o te mahi?
• Kua roa kē ā rātou hui tari e mahi ana tae noa ki te pō?
• He ngaromanga ohorere, kāore i te whakamāramatia rānei kei te haere?
• He mahi tonu ā rātou hei mahi?

Ki te kite koe i a rātou e mahi ana i te wā tāpiri, e hoki pō ana rānei ki te kāinga tata ki ia pō nā te mea "e āwhina ana i tētahi hoa i roto i te raruraru", tera pea koinei tētahi o ngā kōrero teka a te hunga tinihanga. Mena he mea hou, he mea hou rānei tēnei whanonga, he tino mea kē kei te haere. Hei tauira, tera pea kei te teka ia mō te inu waipiro i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.

6. Kei te huri haere tonu ngā putanga o ana kōrero teka

te ngā mea tino kino i roto i te whanaungatanga kāore i te rite tonu. Nā te mea he kōrero tito noa iho i ahu mai i ngā whakaaro o te tangata teka, ka huri tonu i ia wā ka tirotirohia e te tangata. Ko ngā rerekētanga o te maumahara ki ngā kōrero, ahakoa ngā kōrero iti, he tohu pakari kei a koe he hoa teka. 

Ki te whakapae koe he teka tonu tāu tāne, me tono atu ki a ia kia mahara ki ngā mahi whakamuri, kaua ki ngā mahi whakamuri i te wā. Tērā pea ka tinihanga ia i ngā kōrero iti. Hei tauira, tīmata i te mutunga o te kōrero, ka tono atu ki a ia kia whakamārama i ngā mea i tupu i mua tata atu i taua wā. Ā, i mua atu i tērā… me ērā atu. Tērā pea he rite tēnei ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te uiui i a ia, engari ka waiho hei mea nui mēnā kāore e taea e koe te whakakore i te whakaaro kua tinihangatia koe e tētahi e arohaina ana e koe.

Ki te mea he tino kaha rawa tēnei, ki te hiahia rānei koe kia āta huna i ngā mahi tinihanga a tō tāne, he huarahi pai ake ko te pātai ohorere atu ki a ia mō tētahi mea i kōrerotia e ia i ētahi rā kua pahure. Mēnā he teka ia, kāore ia e mōhio kei hea ia e tīmata ai. Mēnā kāore ia i te teka, ka taea e ia te whakahoki kupu i ia kupu, me te kore whakaaro. 

7. Ka waea atu ngā kaitiaki ki tōna ora

He maha ngā take ka teka ai te tāne, engari ko te kore whakapono tetahi o ngā tino take o tēnei rārangi. Mena ko te take o ngā kōrero teka me ngā huna a tō tāne he wahine kē, ka kite koe i tētahi tohu. ngā tohu tinihanga a te tāne:

• Ka tīmata ohorere ia ki te tiaki i ana pūrere mā te kupuhipa
• Kei te takoto tonu tana waea ki raro
• Ka haere ia ki te kokonga ki te whakautu i ētahi waea, kāore rānei e whakautu i ngā waea ina tata koe
• Ka tūpato ia, ā, ka riri, ka mea, "He aha koe i maia ai ki te tirotiro i taku īmēra?" 
• Ka huna e ia ana tuhinga mai i a koe
• Ka harihari haere ia i ana taputapu, pērā i te peka, kei tūpono koe ki tētahi mea kāore ia e hiahia kia mahia e koe

Kaua ēnei tohu e huna ana ia i tētahi mea i roto i tana waea pūkoro e whakaarohia he mea ngāwari. Waihoki, ehara i te mea ko ā rātou taputapu anake te take e kōrero teka ai te tangata, engari ko ētahi wāhi anō hoki. Hei tauira, "Kaua koe e haere noa mai ki taku wāhi mahi" me "Hei, koinei taku ana tāne/wahine. Kaua e pā ki tētahi mea i konei, ā, whakautehia taku tūmataitinga".

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Me pēhea te whakatau i te raruraru o te tāne teka?

Kāore he wāhi mō ngā kōrero teka – ahakoa mō ngā mea iti pēnei i te momi hikareti, te pupuri rānei i ngā mea ngaro nui pēnei i te moe tāne me te wahine – i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Ahakoa kāore tana kōrero teka e hono ana ki tētahi mea kino pēnei i te tinihanga, he take tonu hei āwangawanga nā te mea e tohu ana ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kino i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Nō reira, ki te mea kei te teka tonu tāu tāne, kua tae ki te wā ki te whakaaroaro nui ki tāu e taea ai te whakahaere i tēnei āhuatanga. Kua tae ki te wā ki te mahi me te whakamātau i ngā mea kia tino whakarerekētia e ia tēnā. Mō tēnā, me whai mahere pakari koe mō te whakatakoto rohe me te hoa rangatira teka.

Ka taea e tēnei mahere te whakauru i ngā tikanga rerekē. Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ko te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kia noho haumaru ai ia ki te whakawhirinaki ki a koe. I te iti rawa, me whakamōhio atu koe ki a ia e mōhio ana koe kei te teka ia, ā, ka taea e koe te kite. Hei whakatutuki i tēnā, anei ētahi tohutohu mō te whakatika i te marena i muri i ngā kōrero teka:

1. Arotakehia tana tauira teka

Ko te whakatau i ngā tāne e kōrero teka ana mō ngā mea katoa ka tīmata mā te arotake i ngā momo kōrero teka kua kōrerotia e ia ki a koe:

• E teka ana ia hei peita i a ia anō ki te tirohanga whakamīharo?
• Hei karo i te whakama nā te mea kāore e taea e ia te whakaaro me pēhea te mahi kōrero ki tētahi hoa mō tōna whānau pōrearea?
• Kua teka ia kia huna ai ngā taipitopito o ana whanaungatanga o mua?
• Kei te ngana ia ki te huna i ngā wero mahi me tōna tūnga pūtea mā te kōrero teka?
• Kei te ngana ia ki te huna i tana mahi puremu, ā, kei te teka tonu ia nā te mea e hiahia ana ia kia noho tahi ngā wāhine tokorua i roto i tōna ao? 
• He mea akiaki rānei tana kōrero teka – arā, he wāhanga o tōna tuakiri me tōna oranga te kōrero teka, ā, he tangata kōrero teka matepukupuku ia? 

Ki te arotakehia e koe tana tauira teka, ka mōhio koe ki te pūtake me te kaha o te āhuatanga. He teka mā noa iho rānei tāna e kōrero ana, he mea morearea ake rānei, ā, kei te ngana ia ki te whakakino i a koe? Kei te teka rānei tō hoa rangatira mō te moni? Mā te mārama ki ngā taumata o ngā teka ka āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i te taahiraa e whai ake nei ki te whakatakoto rohe me te hoa rangatira teka.

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2. Whakaarohia te āhua o tō urupare mēnā ka kōrerotia e ia te pono ki a koe

Ko te taahiraa tuarua ko te whakaaroaro i ō urupare ki tana kōrero pono. He māmā noa te kaupapa – ka teka te tangata nā te mea kāore rātou e hiahia kia meinga rātou kia whakama mō ā rātou mahi. Nō reira, whakaarohia ngā āhuatanga e pā ana ki ngā kōrero teka a tō tāne. Hei tauira, mēnā kua teka ia ki a koe kia noho tahi ai me ōna hoa, aromatawaihia me pēhea tō urupare mēnā i pono ia mō taua mea. Ka riri koe, ka rapu utu rānei? Ka whakapau kaha rānei koe ki te hoatu ki a ia te wāhi i roto i te whanaungatanga e tino hiahiatia ana e ia?

Ki te wareware rānei ia ki te hoko kai i tētahi rā, ka hamama koe ki a ia, ka whakanui rawa i ngā mea? Ka whakamahara rānei koe ki a koe anō ko te kore e werawera i ngā mea iti ka whakapakari i te whanaungatanga, ka tuku noa kia pahemo? Ki te kore e pai tō urupare ki tōna pono me tōna pono, he wāhi anō tōu ki te takaro i roto i te tauira teka kino kua mau ki roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Nō reira, ki te ngaro tō whakawhirinaki ki a ia, kia mārama koe me whai wāhi anō hoki ia ki tētahi taiao haumaru, pono hoki e whakanui ana i te pono, e whakatenatena ana hoki i a ia ki te kōrero i te pono.

3. Arotahi ki te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga

Whakakorehia te tauira teka kino mā te te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti korero i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga kia pai ai te whakapuaki a tō hoa rangatira i ōna whakaaro ki a koe. Kōrero atu ki a ia kei te mamae koe nā te mea kāore ia e whakawhirinaki ana ki a koe, ā, kei te teka tonu ia kia noho pai ai te marena. Whakaaetia hoki ō ngoikoretanga o ngā tauhohenga ohorere me ngā tauhohenga koretake.

Tumuaki Hinengaro Nandita Rambhia e tohutohu ana, "Engari te whakamahi i te kupu whakaae, whakamahia ngā kupu pēnei i te whakatikatika me te whakaae mutunga kore. Me pēhea tātou e urutau ai tetahi ki tetahi? Me pēhea tātou e ako ai ki te whakaae tetahi ki tetahi? Mā tēnei, ka nui ake tō mana whakahaere i te whanaungatanga, me te maumahara ki tō whakaute me ō hiahia ake."

Te kōrero mō te whakatikatika (kaua mō whakaaetanga hauora kore), e whakahua ana te Gottman Repair Checklist i ētahi kīanga hei āwhina i a koe ki te ora mai i ngā pānga o te teka me ngā whakapae teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga:

• "E whakaae ana ahau ki tētahi wāhanga o tāu e kōrero nei"
• "Kia kitea e tātou te huarahi e pai ai tātou"
• "Kāore rawa ahau i whakaaro ki ngā mea pērā"
• "He aha ō āwangawanga?"
• "Kia whakaae tātou kia whakaurua ō tātou whakaaro e rua ki roto i tētahi otinga"

4. Kōrero atu ki a ia mō te teka me te tinihanga

"Ki taku whakaaro kei te teka tonu taku tāne ki ahau mō ngā mea iti. Kei te teka ia ki ahau, kāore rānei he mataku ahau??” Tērā pea ka pāngia koe e ēnei āwangawanga ina rapu huarahi koe ki te whakatau i tētahi hoa teka. Ko tētahi otinga māmā, tika hoki ko te tū atu ki a ia mō āna kōrero teka me te take i muri i aua kōrero teka.

Ki te mea tonu koe, "He tangata teka nui taku tāne, ā, kua tinihanga ia i ahau", he huarahi kaha te tū atu ki a ia hei whakaatu i tō mamae me tō riri. Kōrero ki a ia mō te nui o tō tinihanga i a koe nā tōna tinihanga i roto i te marena. Me kohikohi hoki e koe ngā taunakitanga e tika ana mō te mahi tahi i mua i tō noho ki te kōrero ki a ia:

• Hokohoko i tētahi kāmera tutei mēnā kei te whakapae koe kei te whakamahi ia i tō whare mō ngā hui huna me tana hoa aroha
• Tikina he pūmanawa tirotiro pai hei tārua i tana waea/rorohiko me te whai i ana mahi ma te ipurangi
• Tirohia ngā pire hōtēra me ngā pire rererangi i roto i ana īmēra, karere kuputuhi, me ngā tauākī kāri nama.

Te pānui e pā ana: Koinei te mea ka puta ina kore he whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga

5. Mahi tahi hei kapa

I tuhituhi a Sarah ki a Bonobology, me te pātai, "I moe ahau i tētahi tangata teka. I teka ia i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga engari i murua e au ia, ā, ka neke atu māua. Ināianei, kua kitea e au kei te teka tonu ia ki ahau. Me pēhea taku whakawhirinaki anō ki taku tāne i muri i tana teka?" nandita e whakamārama ana, "He mea tino nui kia whakaute tonu ngā hoa e rua tetahi ki tetahi, me rātou anō hoki. Me aroha rāua, me te mārama ahakoa kei tetahi o rāua te he, he rite tonu te hiahia o rāua – arā, ko te whakatika i te whanaungatanga."

Akene, i te wā e whai ake nei ka hopukina ia e koe i roto i te teka, ngana kia kaua e riri, kaua hoki e uru ki te pakanga. Engari, kōrero mārire ki a ia, me te kī atu ki a ia e mōhio ana koe kei te teka ia ki a koe, ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te mārama ki te take. Mā te whakaatu i te aroha ka āwhina i a koe ki te wawahi i te taiepa o ngā teka me te tinihanga e wehe ana i a kōrua ko tō tāne, ā, ka āwhina i a kōrua ki te kimi i te huarahi e pai ai te noho tahi. te taupatupatu tautohe.

Kia maumahara ki te hiranga o te aroha, anei ētahi pātai hei hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki i roto i te whanaungatanga, e ai ki te Gottman Repair Checklist:

• "Ka taea e koe te hanga kia haumaru ake ngā mea mōku?"
• "E hiahia ana ahau ki tō tautoko i tēnei wā tonu"
• "He mea nui tēnei ki ahau. Whakarongo mai."
• "Ka taea e tāua te okioki?"
• "Ka taea e tāua te kōrero mō tētahi atu mea mō tētahi wā?"

6. Rapua he rongoā hei whakatau i tētahi tāne teka

Ka taea e ngā kōrero teka te here i a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira ki roto i te kupenga o te paitini. Ka taea e ngā kōrero teka tonu a tō tāne te whakaoho i ngā kare ā-roto māu, ka pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro, ka meinga koe kia riri tonu ki a ia, kia whakapae tonu rānei i a ia ahakoa kei te kōrero pono ia. Mā tēnei ka taea te whakatenatena i te āhua o tō tāne ki te teka, ka akiaki i a ia ki te huna i ngā mea kino me te tinihanga kia kore ai e taupatupatu te marena.

He maha ngā wā ka tōia rawatia ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki roto i tēnei huringa kino, ā, kāore e taea e rātou te wehe atu i tēnei huringa kino. Koinei te wā ka tino whai hua ai te whai tohutohu mō te teka. Ka taea e te kaitohutohu marena whakangungu te āwhina i a koe ki te rapu i te pūtake o ō raruraru takitahi, me te ako me pēhea te whakahaere i aua raruraru kia kore ai e arai i a koe ki te hanga hononga hauora.

Ka taea hoki e rātou te āwhina i a koe ki te whakaoti i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ā, koinei pea te take i uru ai te teka me te tinihanga ki roto i tō hononga. Ki te hiahia koe ki te tūhura i te kōwhiringa ki te haere ki te rongoā hinengaro, me rapu tohutohu mō ngā mātanga marena. Te rōpū a Bonobology Kei konei mātou māu. Kaua e tatari mō te wā roa kia kite anō i ngā mea i te tirohanga pai.

Te pānui e pā ana: Te Tohutohu Whakawhanaungatanga – Ngā Mea Katoa e Hiahia Ana Koe kia Mōhio

7. Whakaarohia te neke atu

Ina kei roto koe i tētahi marena, ā, he nui ngā mea kei te tūpono, ko te whakaatu i te āhua o tētahi tokorua harikoa ki te ao whānui, he kōwhiringa tika, he kōwhiringa iti ake te whakamataku i te wehe atu. Heoi, ki te mea he hononga te teka ki ngā take nui pēnei i te kore pono, he tohu rānei o tētahi tāne tinihanga ka mahia e ia ngā mea katoa hei pupuri i a koe i raro i tōna mahunga, ko te manawanui ki ana whanonga ka pā he pānga kino ki tō hauora hinengaro.

Haunga tēnā, e tohu ana tēnei kāore tō tāne e aro ki a koe, kāore hoki e whakaute i a koe. Ka taea e koe te tino mōhio kāore he mea a taua hoa hei tuku māu. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te wehe atu i te noho tonu me te tuku i a ia ki te whakangaro i tō tuakiri, i tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō, me tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō. Ahakoa ō mahi katoa ki te whakatika i ngā mea, kei te teka tō tāne, kei te huna i ngā mea, kaua e whakama mō te whakamutu i te marena me te tīmata anō.

He tokomaha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua pāngia e te kino o te teka me te tinihanga e whakaae ana ka taea e tēnei tauira paitini te pakaru, te wawahi rānei i ngā turanga o te whakawhirinaki. Ko te huarahi pai ki te tiakina to marena Ko te huarahi pai rawa atu i tēnei whakamamae ko te hopu i te pepeke teka i te wā tika, me te whakangaro i a ia. Kua tohaina e mātou ki a koe ētahi o ngā huarahi tino pono hei whakahaere i tētahi tāne teka, hei whakaora hoki i tō marena mai i ngā pānga kino o te huna me te tinihanga. Whakamātauria ēnei me te pono, engari ki te kore e mutu te teka me ngā mea ngaro, kaua e mangere ki te whakatakoto i a koe ki mua i te whakama o tētahi marena e kitea ana e koe.

FAQs

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7 Ngā Tohu Zodiac He Reka Utu Nui E Aroha Ana Ki Te Oranga Nui

Ka whakamārama te tohunga ki a koe me pēhea te whai oranga moepuku pai i muri i te noho hei mātua

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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