Zaka si chopinga pa nkhani za mtima. Ndipo siziyenera kutero! Kupatula apo, ndi nambala chabe, chikondi chimatha kukhudza aliyense, kulikonse, nthawi iliyonse, sichoncho? Tsoka ilo, zenizeni sizoyenera. Funsani mwamuna yemwe wadutsa pang'ono malire a zaka. Mukayamba chibwenzi muzaka za 40 ngati mwamuna, mupeza kuti zochitika, malamulo, malamulo ndi zoyembekeza ndizosiyana!
Kukhala pachibwenzi ngati bachelor wazaka 40 kumabwera ngati dziko latsopano. Musatikhulupirire? Wopanga mapulogalamu a Alex George, 45, bambo 'wosakwatiwa kwamuyaya' amapeza kuti akuyenera kugwiritsa ntchito 'zanzeru zatsopano zamalonda' kuti apeze deti. "Ndi zaka?" akudabwa. "Mafunso amasintha momwe amakambirana ndi azimayi. Ndiyenera kusamala komanso kusamala zomwe ndikunena."
Kukhala pachibwenzi m'zaka za m'ma 40 monga mwamuna kungakhale kosiyana ngakhale zimatengera zinthu zosiyanasiyana. Inde 'chinthu chazaka' chimakhala chofunikira koma momwemonso zaka za akazi omwe mukufuna kukhala nawo pachibwenzi, malingaliro awo, kukula kwa ntchito ndi zomwe akumana nazo pamoyo wawo ndi zina.
Komanso mkhalidwe wanu umagwira ntchito. Mwina mukulowa mu mphete mutapuma. Mwina munasudzulana moipa kapena aŵiri ndipo pang’ono ndi pang’ono mukuyesera kukhalanso pachibwenzi. Kapena mwina, mwakhala osakwatiwa koma simunakhale ndi mwayi ndikudzipereka. Mukungoyenda pachibwenzi ngati mbeta wazaka 40, mukudabwa choti muchite.
Kotero pamene inu kubwerera mu chibwenzi wanu 40s, mudzapeza, monga George anachitira, kuti chinenero ndi njira adzafunika kusintha mosiyana ndi pamene inu muli kumunda wanu 20s kapena 30s. Chinsinsi cha kupambana ndikudziwa zomwe nkhupakupa, zomwe muyenera kuzipewa ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita kuti mukhale ofunikira komanso okongola. Kukhala ndi chibwenzi m'zaka za m'ma 40 ndizovuta, kotero tili ndi malangizo ndi zidule za inu, mothandizidwa ndi Kranti Sihotra Momin, sing'anga wa CBT yemwe ali ndi digiri ya Masters mu Psychology komanso ukatswiri pa psychology yachipatala.
Zomwe Muyenera Kuyembekezera Mukakhala pachibwenzi Muzaka 40 Monga Mwamuna
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Zoona zake n'zakuti, kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wazaka za m'ma 40 kungakhale kosangalatsa komanso kodabwitsa. Ndinu wamkulu, wanzeru ndipo muyenera kukhala ndi chidziwitso chochuluka. Zinthu zonsezi sizimangowonjezera chidaliro pa chilankhulo chanu cha chikondi komanso zimawonjezera mwayi wanu wopeza munthu woyenera mukatha zaka 40.
Koma palinso zovuta. Zochuluka za chibwenzi tsopano zimagwirizanitsidwa ndi teknoloji; ndipo anyamata mu 40s awo ndi mameseji kungakhale pang'ono…zochititsa mantha nthawi zina.
Chifukwa chake ngati muli m'modzi mwa omwe abwereranso m'chibwenzi atadutsa zaka khumi zachinayi, izi ndi zomwe mungayembekezere. Mwina kumvetsetsa uku ndi malangizo ena angakuthandizeni kuyenda ndikuchita bwino!
1. Momwe mumagwera m'chikondi zimasintha
Mphunzitsi wa zibwenzi Jonathan Aslay akuti momwe amuna azaka zawo za 40 amafunira chikondi zimatengera momwe adathetsera zovuta zawo. Iye anati: “Amuna akamakula, amakhala ndi zilonda zaubwana zimene sizingathetsedwe.
"Amuna omwe sanachitepo kanthu pa izi, amasankha chikondi chodzikuza ndipo amatha kufunafuna chikondi kudzera mu kugonana. Koma omwe ali ndi thanzi labwino amafunafuna maubwenzi ozama." Mwachidule, yembekezerani kusintha zosowa zanu zachikondi mukakhala pachibwenzi muzaka za 40 ngati mwamuna.
Kranti akuti zaka sizingakhale chifukwa chake, koma zomwe zimachitika pa moyo wake ndi zomwe zimafunika. Ngakhale kuti amuna ena azaka za m'ma 40 angakopeke ndi akazi achichepere , pali mwayi woti mungafune munthu wazaka zapafupi ndi zanu kuti mumve bwino. Chibwenzi chazaka za m'ma 40 n'chovuta, ndipo mwina mukufuna munthu amene angamvetse zimenezo.
Kranti anati: “Mudzafuna mnzanu wodalirika, wokhwima maganizo, ndiponso wodziwa mmene zinthu zilili pa dziko lapansi. “Ngakhale kuti sizachilendo kwa atsikana kukhala ndi makhalidwe amenewa, n’zotheka kuti muzipeza kukhala kosavuta kucheza ndi mkazi wa msinkhu wanu.”
2. Zidzakuvutani kusintha
Kukhala pachibwenzi chakumapeto kwa zaka za m’ma 40 ngati mwamuna kungatanthauze kuti n’zovuta kuzoloŵera zizoloŵezi zatsopano. Kulandira ubale watsopano kumafuna kugonja koma funso ndilakuti, kodi ndinu okonzeka kutero?
Sachin Parikh, wamasiye anati, "Ndimakumana ndi akazi abwino kwambiri, koma moyo wanga ndi wovuta kwambiri. Akamandipempha kuti ndichite zinazake zomwe sindimasangalala nazo - kaya filimu yausiku kapena kuvina - chibadwa changa choyamba ndikunena 'Ayi'".
Kukhala pachibwenzi chakumapeto kwa zaka za m’ma 40 monga mwamuna kungatanthauze kusintha zina m’chizoloŵezi chanu, makamaka ngati simunakhale pachibwenzi kwakanthaŵi. Ngati muli pantchito yopanikizika kwambiri yomwe imafuna maola ambiri, muyenera kuchotsa nthawi kuti mukhale ndi chibwenzi, akuchenjeza Kranti.
Izi sizikhala zosavuta poyamba, koma kukhala ndi moyo waumwini kumatenga nthawi ndi khama, kotero ngati mukuyang'ana kuti mukhale ndi chibwenzi ndikupanga chiyanjano ndi munthu wina, ndi bwino kupanga zosintha pa nthawi yanu.
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3. Kukhala pachibwenzi panthawi yachisudzulo kumakhala kovuta
Nthaŵi zina chisudzulo chotsutsana chingatenge zaka kuti chithe. Panthawi yotere, kulowa mudziwe la zibwenzi kumatha kubweretsa zovuta zake. Kukhala pachibwenzi mu 40s anu pambuyo chisudzulo palibe kuyenda mu paki, izo ndithudi. Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akuyang'ana zifukwa zoti akukanizeni mwalamulo, kukhala ndi chibwenzi poyera kungawononge mlandu wanu.
Komanso, simungathe kupereka kudzipereka kwa mkazi yemwe mumamukonda. Komanso, kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna yemwe ali pakati pa chisudzulo kungathe kusiya akazi ambiri, pokhapokha nonse muli otsimikiza kuti mukufuna kuti musamachite zinthu mwachisawawa komanso mopanda kudzipereka. Monga tanenera, kukhala ndi chibwenzi m'zaka za m'ma 40 ndizovuta.
4. Muli ndi ndondomeko yomveka bwino
Ngati muli pachibwenzi chakumapeto kwa zaka 40 ngati mwamuna, mwina mudzakhala ndi lingaliro labwino la zomwe mukufuna kuchokera pachibwenzi. Kapena ngati mukufuna ubale konse. Kodi mukungoyang'ana kuti mulowetse chala chanu mudziwe la zibwenzi? Kapena kodi mwakonzeka kukhala pachibwenzi chachikulu, chokhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi?
Mudzakhalanso omveka bwino pazomwe mungagwirizane nazo, komanso zomwe simungakambirane kwa inu. Henry, wazaka 44, pulofesa wa sayansi ya tizilombo toyambitsa matenda anati: “Ndinali wokonzeka kukhalanso pachibwenzi ndili ndi zaka 40 ndipo ndinazindikira kuti zimene ndinkayembekezera zinali zitasintha.
"Ndili mwana, ndimafuna mnzanga amene ndimakonda kwambiri tizilombo toyambitsa matenda (kuphunzira za tizilombo) ndi basketball. Tsopano, ndili bwino ngati akhumudwa pang'ono ndi tizilombo kapena ngati sakonda basketball. Ndinangopita ndi winawake, ndipo tinkakambirana za Michael Jordan. Mnzanga anati, 'O, ndiye munthu wa ku Space Jam !' Ndinaseka ndikuseka, ndipo tinasangalala. Ndinazindikira kuti ndikufunadi nthabwala zabwino, komanso ulemu waukulu kwa anthu onse," Henry akutero.
Kupeza chikondi pambuyo pa nkhani 40 zopambana sizochulukira, koma zomwe timadziwa zimakonda kutembenukira kukuya m'malo mofananiza zokonda ndi ntchito.
5. Kulinganiza ufulu wodzilamulira ndi kulolerana
Ngati muli osakwatira mpaka zaka 40, mwina mwayamba kale kukhala ndi moyo wabwino. Kukhala pachibwenzi kumatanthauza kuti muyenera kupeza malo m'moyo wanu wokonzedwa bwino kwa munthu wina, amenenso amakonda zinthu kuchitika mwanjira inayake.
Khalani ndi maganizo otseguka. N'zotheka kuti mudzakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu amene amakonda zinthu zachiwerewere ndipo adzayang'ana modabwa magazini ambirimbiri omwe ali patebulo lanu la khofi. Komabe, ngati mwakhala mukukhala ngati mbeta, chonde onetsetsani kuti simukukhala ngati wophunzira waku koleji. Tsukani, onetsetsani kuti bafa lanu ndi loyenera alendo, sungani makapu ena a khofi ngati chibwenzi chanu chikukhala usiku wonse.
6. Kuchita zibwenzi pa intaneti kungakhale kovuta
Kungoti muli ndi zaka 40 sizikutanthauza kuti ndinu munthu wopusa koma siyani Tinders ndi Bumbles kwa omwe ali ndi zaka zochepa kuposa inu. Ngati mukufuna mapulogalamu ochezera, yang'anani akazi a msinkhu wanu. Phunzirani chilankhulo cha macheza ndikuwadziwa. Yang'anani njira zina za Tinder chifukwa anyamata azaka 40 ndipo kutumizirana mameseji nthawi zina sikumakhala bwino.
Komabe, mapulogalamuwa nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi zida zolumikizirana ndipo simungapeze azimayi (ndi amuna!) omwe ali owopsa, chifukwa chake musakuvulazeni. Ngati mukuyenera, lowani nawo zibwenzi zosankhika. Kapena phunzirani momwe mungagwiritsire ntchito mapulogalamuwa kuti apindule ndikugwiritsa ntchito ndi malingaliro aukadaulo.
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7. Anzanu ndiye kubetcherana kwanu kwambiri
Ngati mukufuna kuyamba chibwenzi mu 40s anu ngati mwamuna, mwina kulankhula ndi anzanu kungakhale kubetcha kwabwino kwambiri. Auzeni zomwe mukuyang'ana ndipo mutha kudabwa ndi zotsatira zake. M'malo moyesera kukumana ndi akazi osadziwika, mwina kusiya nzeru za anzanu kuti akuthandizeni kukumana ndi munthu amene akuganiza kuti adzakhala machesi abwino.
Ngati mukufuna chibwenzi chenicheni, musazengereze kufalitsa mawu mugulu lanu. Koma dziwani bwino zomwe mukufuna, apo ayi mutha kungowachititsa manyazi. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukungofuna chibwenzi mwachisawawa osati pachibwenzi chenicheni, ingowafotokozerani momveka bwino komanso momasuka kwa iwo.
8. Mutha kumva kuti simukuzichita
Kulowa pachibwenzi pambuyo popuma kwa nthawi yayitali kungawoneke ngati kovuta. Mutha kukhala mwamuna wopambana wa azimayi pamasiku anu achichepere, koma nthawi zimasintha! Makamaka ngati simukukumana ndi aliyense mwadongosolo - tinene, anzanu akusewera Cupid kapena mukakumana ndi munthu wina kuntchito - mutha kumva kuti…umm…osachita.
Choyenera kunena ndi chiyani kwa mkazi wokongola yemwe mumamudziwa? Kodi mumasuntha bwanji koyamba? Kodi ziyembekezo za amayi zasintha m'zaka zapitazi? Muyenera kulemba kaye kapena osayambitsa lemba? Mafunso awa ndi ena angapo atha kukhala m'maganizo mwanu mukayambanso chibwenzi muzaka za m'ma 40 ngati mwamuna.
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Kunyamula mizere kapena mawonekedwe akupha omwe adagwira ntchito zaka khumi zapitazo sizingakhale ndi vuto lililonse munthawi yamasiku ano inenso. Kotero ngati mulowa mphete ya zibwenzi popanda homuweki yokwanira kapena popanda kuweruza momwe akazi amakumana ndi khalidwe masiku ano, mukhoza kukhala ndi mantha aakulu, makamaka ngati mwayamba chibwenzi patapita nthawi yaitali.
Azimayi akhala akutsogola kwambiri komanso olimba mtima pa zosowa zawo ndi zomwe akufuna ndiye ngati simukumva kuti ndinu wachikale kapena ngati mwasiyidwa pa mpikisano, yesani kukhala paubwenzi ndi azimayi kaye kenako sewerani chithumwa chanu. Adziweni, mvetsetsani zomwe akufuna mwa mwamuna ndikudziumba molingana.
Kukopana ndi zibwenzi zambiri kumachitika pa intaneti kapena kudzera pa mameseji tsopano. Ndizotheka kuti mumamva kuti anyamata azaka za m'ma 40 ndi kutumizirana mameseji samayendera limodzi ndipo sadziwa chomwe emojis ya aubergine ndi pichesi imatanthauza. Osadandaula kwambiri, pali anthu ambiri kunja uko omwe amakondabe kukambirana pamasom'pamaso. Ndipo mupeza ma emojis.
9. Dziwani kuti dziko lasintha
Kaya ndizosaganizira za jenda, zokonda zogonana kapena nkhani yachisangalalo, mudzakhala mukuyenda mumsewu watsopano mukakhala pachibwenzi ngati mwamuna wazaka za m'ma 40. Zitha kukhala zosagwirizana ngati kutsegulira chitseko kwa mkazi, kapena amene amatenga cheke kuti adye chakudya chamadzulo, koma mudzazindikira kuti ndi yayikulu kuposa pamenepo.
“Ndinapita kokacheza ndi mwamuna ameneyu amene ankafuna chibwenzi cha anthu awiri ,” akutero Barry, wazaka 47. “Sindinkadziwa kwenikweni kuti chibwenzi cha anthu awiri ndi chiyani, koma ndinachifufuza ndipo tinakambirana zambiri za icho. Sizinali zomwe ndimafuna, koma tinakhala ndi zokambirana zabwino, ndipo tinakhalabe mabwenzi.”
Jerry, wazaka 46, anati: “Mkazi wina amene ndinali naye pachibwenzi anaumirira kuti andigulire chakudya chamadzulo.” “Ndinadabwa poyamba. Ndine wosunga ndalama ndipo ndinazoloŵera kunyamula katundu pa deti. anali wodzichepetsa, komanso wokhutiritsa chifukwa ankandikonda ndipo ankasangalala kukhala nane popanda kuyembekezera kuti ndizimusamalira.”
10. Zakale zanu zidzakhala ndi gawo
Mbiri yanu yam'mbuyomu idzabweretsanso mutu wake mu ubale uliwonse watsopano womwe mukufuna kulowa nawo. Ngati mwakhala ndi maukwati ndi maubwenzi oipa kapena oipa, zidzasokoneza mwanjira ina, mukayambanso chibwenzi. Kaya mukutsimikiza za munthu amene mumakumana naye kapena mukufuna kuti musamangoganizira za munthu amene mwakumana naye, zingakhale bwino kuulula momwe mulili.
Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu wazaka 40 mutasudzulana, khalani oona mtima pa nkhani iliyonse yokhudza maganizo anu. Simungafune kuti chibwenzi chanu chimve chilichonse chovuta chokhudza zakale zanu kuchokera kwina chifukwa zimenezo zingangoyambitsa kusamvana.
Simuyenera kufotokoza mwatsatanetsatane mpaka ubalewo utakula koma osabisa chilichonse chachikulu chomwe chachitika m'moyo wanu. Kuwona mtima kwanu kudzayamikiridwa.
Komabe, akutero Kranti, mudzakhalanso ndi phindu loyang'ana m'mbuyo. Ndizotheka kuti munapanga zisankho zolakwika mudakali wamng'ono (yemwe sanachite!) zomwe sizinakuyendereni bwino. Tsopano, muli ndi lingaliro labwino la zomwe zimakuchitirani inu ndi zomwe siziri. Ndipo izi zimakupangitsani kukhala wolimbana nawo wopeza chikondi pambuyo pa nkhani 40 zopambana.
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11. Mudzakhala ndi maudindo ambiri
Mu 40s anu, mudzadzaza mbale yanu ndi ntchito, banja ndi zina. Mosakayikira, simungakhale osasamala za moyo ndi maubwenzi monga momwe munali mu 20s kapena 30s. Moyo wanu wachikondi udzakhala wokhudzidwa chifukwa nthawi yanu yokhazikika idzagwiritsidwa ntchito ndi zinthu zingapo kupatula nkhani zaubwenzi.
Kodi mudzakhala opambana bwanji mukayamba chibwenzi muzaka za 40 monga mwamuna zidzadalira kwambiri momwe mumalankhulira nthawi yanu ndi chidwi chanu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuwona munthu, kodi mutha kuthera nthawi yokwanira kwa iye ndi ubale womwe ukukulirakulira? Kodi mungapeze njira yoyenera yogwirira ntchito? Ganizilani bwino.
12. Yembekezerani kuti kugonana kudzakhala kosiyana
Kugonana sikumakhudzidwa ndendende ndi zaka, komabe kuyendetsa kwanu kumatha kusintha mukamakula. Tikukhulupirira kuti kukakamizidwa kwa chikhalidwe cha kugonana ndi ukalamba sikukuyenera kukukhudzani koma kungawonjezere mosadziwa kukakamiza muubwenzi watsopano.
Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu wamng'ono kwambiri, ziweruzo zakale za ukalamba zingakhudze momwe mumakhalira pabedi. Kugonana kwazaka zapakati kumatha kukhala kodabwitsa ngati mukudziwa momwe mungachitire bwino ndi mnzanu, azimayi ambiri amasangalala ndi kugonana ndi amuna akulu chifukwa akuyenera kukhala okondana bwino pabedi. Kugonana m'zaka za m'ma 40 zingakhale zokhutiritsadi. Koma zimenezo zidzachitika kokha ngati mulibe chisungiko pa zosoŵa zanu zakugonana kapena maluso anu.
13. Khalani kwathunthu, kwathunthu, inu;
Mutha kukhala ozindikira pang'ono kulowa m'munda wa zibwenzi. Momwe mumavalira, momwe mumakhalira ndi zina zotero. Mwachitsanzo, simungafune kumva zinthu monga 'Kodi iye si wamkulu kwambiri kuti angavale?' Kapena 'akanatha bwanji nthabwala yonyansa? Kodi si kholo?'
Koma, mumabweretsa zokumana nazo zambiri ndipo izi ndizochitika zomwe zakupangani kukhala chomwe muli. Malingana ngati mukukhala wakhalidwe labwino, wokoma mtima komanso womasuka popanda kufooka, muli bwino. Musayese kukhala “wamng’ono” kapena “wozizira” kuposa mmene mulili. Ingokhalani nokha.
14. Muyenera kuyang'anira banja ndi ana
Ngati muli pachibwenzi m'zaka za m'ma 40 mutatha kusudzulana, ndizotheka kuti mudzayenera kugwirizana ndi ana kwinakwake, kaya anu kapena mnzanu, kapena onse awiri. Kukhala pachibwenzi m’zaka za m’ma 40 monga mwamuna sikutanthauza kuti munganyalanyaze udindo wanu wokhudza zosowa za m’maganizo za ana anu.
Ngati mukuganiza kuti mukuyamba kuchita zinthu zofunika kwambiri muubwenzi wanu, muyenera kuganizira njira yodziwitsira ana anu za chibwenzi chanu. “Dziwani momwe mungadziwitsire izi pasadakhale komanso nthawi yoti muyambe chibwenzi,” akulangiza Kranti. “Musamabisale ana anu mwa kubweretsa munthu kunyumba mwadzidzidzi. Kambiranani nawo ndipo muwatsimikizire kuti abwera poyamba. Komanso, khulupirirani nthawi yanu yoti muwauze - mudzadziwa nthawi yabwino.”
Nthaŵi zina, ana a m’mabanja osudzulana angagwirizane ndi lingaliro lakuti makolo awo ali pachibwenzi. Angachitenso manyazi ngati bambo awo azaka za m’ma 40 kapena pambuyo pake ayamba kuona mkazi wamng’ono. Ngakhale muli ndi ufulu wotsogolera moyo wanu momwe mukufunira, izi zitha kukhala zovuta zomwe mungakumane nazo.
15. Vomerezani vuto la moyo wapakati
Kukhala pachibwenzi chakumapeto kwa zaka 40 ngati mwamuna kungaphatikizepo kuthana ndi chipwirikiti chapakati pa moyo, akutero Kranti. Kaya muli pachibwenzi ngati mbeta wazaka 40 kapena pachibwenzi muzaka za m'ma 40 mutasudzulana, zenizeni za zovuta zapakati pazaka zapakati sizingachepetsedwe.
Maubwenzi ena pakadali pano atha kubwera chifukwa cha zovuta zapakati pazaka zapakati, pomwe mumayang'ananso zomwe mwasankha pa moyo wanu ndikuwona kusintha kwakukulu, kapena kuchita china chake cholakwika.
Bambo wina wazaka 45, dzina lake Sam, yemwe anasudzulidwa, anakopeka kwambiri ndi Karen. Karen anali ndi ana awiri ndipo Sam, yemwe anali wosiyana ndi mwana wake wamwamuna, ankakonda kucheza nawo. Komabe, zinamutengera kanthawi kuti azindikire kuti ankakonda kwambiri lingaliro la kukhala ndi ana, kuposa Karen mwiniyo.
Sam anati: “Ndinkamukonda kwambiri, tinkagwirizana kwambiri, koma ndinazindikira kuti sindinkamumvera chisoni kwambiri.
"Izi si zachilendo mukakhala pachibwenzi muzaka za 40 monga mwamuna. Ndicho chifukwa chake muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti mungakhale mu gawo losiyana la moyo kwa wokondedwa wanu zomwe zingayambitse chisokonezo ndi mikangano. Mwinamwake chikhumbo chanu cha ubale chimabadwa chifukwa cha mantha okhala nokha, kapena mantha ena, ozama kwambiri, "akutero Kranti.
Chikondi ndi chinthu chodabwitsa ndipo zaka ziyenera kukhala chinthu chomaliza m'maganizo mwanu mukalowa mphete ya chibwenzi. Komabe, kudzikayikira kapena kudzidalira n’kwachibadwa. Gwirani ntchito poyamba ndikudzimvetsetsa nokha komanso zosowa zanu. Mukakhala momveka bwino za zolinga zanu ndi zimene mukufuna pa ubwenzi pa m`badwo uno, njira patsogolo amakhala kwambiri bwino. Tikukhulupirira, mudzakhala m'modzi mwa 'opeza chikondi pambuyo pa nkhani 40 zopambana'.
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Zinthu 8 Zoyenera Kuchita Munthu Wakale Akakulumikizani Zaka Pambuyo pake
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
