Katundu Wamtima - Zomwe Zimayambitsa, Zizindikiro, ndi Njira Zothetsera

Sizingatheke kukhala ndi moyo ndi zowawa, zowawa, zopwetekedwa mtima, ndi mabala. Tonse tili ndi maburashi athu ndi izi, pomwe timatha kupitilira zina mwazowopsa izi, zina zimasiya chilonda chakuya pamalingaliro athu. Izi zipsera za zochitika zakale zomwe zimayamba kulamulira momwe timachitira zinthu zathu zamakono ndi zam'tsogolo zimadziwika ngati katundu wamalingaliro. Zimatanthawuza kuti munthu akulimbana ndi zotsalira zamaganizo ndipo ali ndi zowawa zambiri, zowawa, zachisoni, zodandaula, mkwiyo, kapena kudziimba mlandu.

Ngati sizingathetsedwe, nkhani zamaganizo zomwe zili mkatizi zingawononge thanzi lanu, maganizo anu, maganizo anu komanso maubwenzi anu apamtima. Mwachitsanzo, ngati munaona kuti akukusiyani ndi amene akukusamalirani muubwana wanu kapena mnzanu amene munali naye pachibwenzi wakale anathetsa chibwenzicho popanda kukupatsani ulemu wa kukambirana koyenera, osanenapo za kutseka, kuopa kusiyidwa ndi kusadzidalira zingakule kwambiri moti zimayamba kukhudza mmene mumachitira ndi maubwenzi anu amtsogolo.

Psychology yovuta yonyamula katundu ndi imodzi mwazinthu zochepa zomwe zingalepheretse kukhala ndi moyo wokhutiritsa chifukwa m'malo motengera malingaliro ndi zokumana nazo zabwino, timathera gawo labwino la moyo wathu kupewetsa ziwopsezo zomwe tikuganiza. N’zosachita kufunsa kuti amenewo si malo osangalatsa kukhalamo. Koma funso n’lakuti: kodi mungachitepo kanthu pa zimenezi?

Zikuoneka, mukhoza. M'nkhaniyi, psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa uphungu wa m’banja ndi m’banja, akulemba za njira yoyenera yosiyira katundu wamaganizo pamene akukhudzanso zitsanzo, mitundu, zoyambitsa, ndi zizindikiro zake.

Kodi Katundu Wamtima Ndi Chiyani? 

Tisanalowe m'zovuta za momwe kukumbukira zowawa zakale kungapangire zomwe zikuchitika komanso zamtsogolo, tiyeni titenge kamphindi kuti tikonze zoyambira. Ndiye, katundu wamalingaliro ndi chiyani? Mwachidule, ndi kuphatikiza kwa kusatetezeka ndi zolepheretsa zomwe zimachokera ku zomwe takumana nazo m'mbuyomu. Zomwe zimayambitsa izi zitha kukhala momwe tinaleredwera, mbiri yabanja, kapena zovuta kapena zokhumudwitsa maubale amunthu akale kuphatikiza zibwenzi, abwenzi, kapena ogwira nawo ntchito.

Zomwe zimatipweteka kwambiri, zimatha kuyambitsa kumenyana kwathu kapena kuthawa kwathu, ndipo njira yathu yodzitetezera imasintha nthawi zonse zizoloŵezi zathu zamaganizo. Ndicho chimene maganizo katundu maganizo amagwera pansi, kupangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwa ife kudalira ena ndipo nthawi zina ifenso, kutipangitsa ife kukhala osatsimikiza ndi osatsimikiza mu maubale athu.

Tonsefe timanyamula katundu kapena malingaliro otsalira omwe adakhalapo kale. Kuchulukirako kungasiyane munthu ndi munthu, kutengera mtundu wa zowawa kapena zovuta zomwe adakumana nazo. Ndiye, mungadziwe bwanji ngati katundu amene munthu wanyamula wakhala akuyambitsa malingaliro omwe amakhudza momwe amayankhira khalidwe lawo?

Tiyeni tione zitsanzo za katundu maganizo kumvetsa. Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene wasudzulana movutikira, amakhala ndi malingaliro olakwika komanso kupsinjika maganizo. Izi zidzawonekera poyanjana ndi anthu komanso momwe amachitira zinthu. Mofananamo, munthu yemwe ali ndi vuto laubwana chifukwa cha makolo poizoni, mwina, m’kupita kwa zaka, apanga zida zothanirana nazo.

Pamenepa, mphamvu ya maganizo oipa akhoza kukhala ochepa, iwo akhoza kuchita kwa anthu ndi zinthu mosiyana. Nkhani zawo zakuvulala paubwana sizingawonekere muubwenzi wawo kapena maubwenzi ndi ogwira nawo ntchito koma zitha kubwera muubwenzi wawo wachikondi. Mulimonsemo, onse awiri adzanyamula katundu, zomwe zimatanthawuza momwe amasankhira kuona dziko ndi kuyanjana ndi anthu owazungulira.

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Mitundu Ya katundu Wamtima

Ngakhale kuti takambirana momveka bwino funso loti katundu wamalingaliro ndi chiyani, m'pofunika kunena kuti si katundu yense amene amapangidwa mofanana. Zotsatira za ena zimatha kukhala zowopsa kwambiri kotero kuti zimasintha njira zanu zamanjenje komanso momwe prefrontal cortex yanu imachitira pakachitika zinthu. Pomwe, nthawi zina, imatha kuyenda ngati njira yocheperako yomwe imayang'anira mayankho anu ndi zosankha zanu. Koma ndikofunikiranso kuthana ndi mayankho amitundu yonseyi, kapena china chilichonse chomwe chingakhale chifukwa cha zomwe munakumana nazo m'mbuyomu. Kuti muchite izi, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya katundu wamalingaliro:

1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) 

Mwa mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya katundu wamalingaliro, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) ikhoza kukhala yofooketsa kwambiri. Malinga ndi National Center for PTSD, PTSD ndi matenda amisala omwe amayamba chifukwa cha kukumana kapena kuchitira umboni chochitika choyika moyo kapena chowopsa. Zizindikiro zake ndi monga kusowa tulo, kusowa tulo kapena kugona, kulota zoopsa komanso kuda nkhawa kwambiri. PTSD imapezeka kawirikawiri mwa asilikali obwera kuchokera kumalo ankhondo koma imathanso kukhudza anthu omwe akugwiriridwa, kumenyedwa, kuzunzidwa kwa ana, nkhanza zapakhomo, ndi kuvulala.

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2. Kulakwa

Kudziimba mlandu kungafotokozedwe kukhala kusamasuka komwe kumabwera chifukwa chokhala ndi moyo ndi kuzindikira kuti mwachita cholakwika kapena kuvulaza munthu wina. Kudzimva kuti ndiwe wolakwa pa zomwe unachita m'mbuyomu kungakulepheretseni kupita patsogolo kuchokera ku chochitika chomwe chikuyambitsa, ndipo chifukwa chake, zochita zanu zonse ndi zisankho zanu zitha kufotokozedwa ndi zomwe mwachitazo.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati munabera mnzanu m'mbuyomu, mutha kunyamula zomwe simunathetse kulakwa kwa wonyenga mu ubale wanu wotsatira, womwe umakhala chinthu chodziwikiratu pamayendedwe anu ndi zibwenzi zanu apamtima.

3. Kunong'oneza bondo

Chokumana nacho chonong'oneza bondo ndi chosiyana ndi kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa, ngakhale kuti malingaliro a mitundu yonseyi ya katundu wamalingaliro amakhala wofanana. Kusiyana apa ndikuti m'malo mwa manyazi, mumamva chisoni ndi zomwe mwanena, kuchita, kapena zomwe mwaphonya pozinena/kuchita. Kunong'oneza bondo kumasonyeza kuti mukukhala m'mbuyo. Pakapita nthawi, mutha kukhala olimba kuti muwone chilichonse m'moyo wanu kudzera muzinthu zomwe simunachite bwino.

4. Mantha

Mantha ndi njira yovomerezeka yodzitetezera yomwe imatiuza kuti tipewe zinthu zomwe zitha kutivulaza. Komabe, mantha akapanda kuwongolera kapena kukhala opanda nzeru, akhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zitsanzo za katundu wamalingaliro. Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene wachita ngozi yoopsa ya galimoto angayambe kuopa kuyendetsa galimoto. Momwemonso, ngati wokondedwa wanu adakukhumudwitsani kwambiri m'mbuyomu, mutha kukhala ndi a kuopa kudzipereka chifukwa kudziteteza ku zowawazo kumakhala cholinga choyambirira.

5. Kudzidzudzula

Ngati wotsutsa wanu wamkati nthawi zonse amatsutsa mbali zosiyanasiyana za moyo wanu - maonekedwe anu, zosankha za moyo wanu, kulemera kwanu, ntchito yanu - ndi chizindikiro chakuti mukunyamula katundu wambiri wakale. Kudzidzudzula ndi chizindikiro chodzichepetsera, ndipo anthu omwe akulimbana nawo amafunikira kutsimikiziridwa kosalekeza ndi chisamaliro kuchokera kwa ena.

Zotsatira zake, mutha kukhala okangamira komanso osatetezeka m'maubwenzi anu apamtima, zomwe zingakankhire anzanu kutali, zomwe zimalimbitsa mawu a wotsutsa wanu wamkati. Pokhapokha mutapeza njira zabwino zothanirana ndi izi ndikugwira ntchito yomanganso kudzidalira kwanu kuyambira pansi, zizolowezi zakale ndi machitidwe azibwerezabwereza okha, ndikuchotsa malingaliro anu aumwini, pang'onopang'ono.

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Nchiyani Chimachititsa Katundu Wamaganizo?

Tsopano popeza tamvetsetsa tanthauzo la katundu wamalingaliro ndi mitundu, tiyeni tiwone zomwe zimapangitsa kuti katundu wamaganizidwe awa amangirire pakapita nthawi. Lingaliro apa siliri lakuti mwa kudziŵa zimene zimayambitsa, tingadziteteze ku katundu amene angatigwetse m’maganizo. Pamene tikuyenda m'moyo, tikumadutsa m'mikwingwirima yake yambiri, n'zosapeŵeka kuti tingakhale ndi zokumana nazo zomwe zimatigwedeza kapena kutipweteka mtima.

Komabe, tikafika pachiyambi cha kupwetekedwa mtima ndi zowawazo, titha kudziwa kuti ndi gawo liti la katundu wathu lomwe likutilemetsa ndikupeza njira zothana nazo ndikukhazikitsanso zolinga zathu komanso zomwe timayembekezera. Kuti izi zitheke, apa pali zochitika zina za moyo zomwe zingasinthe moyo wa anthu:

• Kuchitiridwa chipongwe: Ngati mnzanu wapamtima kapena wokondedwa akuperekani, mutha kukhala ndi vuto lalikulu nkhani za trust 
• Kunyengedwa ndi wina: Kubera, kuberedwa, kapena kugwidwa ndi munthu wachinyengo kungakupangitseni kudziteteza nokha komanso katundu wanu.
• Zochitika paubwana: Kuyanjana kwathu koyambirira ndi osamalira athu oyamba kumakhudza kwambiri malingaliro athu adziko lapansi. Zingakhale zovuta kukhala ndi malingaliro otsimikizira moyo ngati munanyalanyazidwa mudakali mwana kapena ngati zosowa zanu zamaganizo sizinakwaniritsidwe nthawi zonse. Izi zitha kupangitsa kuti a mosatetezeka cholumikizira, zomwe siziri kanthu koma katundu wanu wamalingaliro kuchokera kuzaka zanu zakubadwa zowonekera m'maunansi anu achikulire
• Nkhanza: Nkhanza zamtundu uliwonse - zamalingaliro, zakuthupi, zogonana - zimatha kukusiyani owopsa m'malingaliro. Ozunzidwa, kaya ndi mnzako wapamtima, wodziwana naye, kapena mlendo, ndizomwe zimayambitsa PTSD, ndipo zimatha kusintha kwambiri momwe angagwirire ndi kuchita nawo maubwenzi. Ziribe kanthu momwe mkhalidwe wanu uliri wathanzi kapena wotetezeka, gawo lina lanu likukumbukirabe zomwe munachitiridwa nkhanza, zomwe, ndiye, zimayendetsa zochita zanu ndi zochita zanu.
• Ubale Wapoizoni: Ubale wapoizoni wodzadza ndi mikangano, chinyengo, kusagwirizana, ndi ndewu zimatha kukhala katundu wambiri. Ngati mwakulira m'banja lapoizoni, zizolowezi ndi machitidwe osayenerawa amakhala abwinobwino mpaka mutha kupeza kuti mukukopeka ndi poizoni chifukwa ndizodziwika bwino. Kuwonekera kopitilira muyeso kwa kawopsedwe kumakhudza machitidwe anu mumaubwenzi

Monga mlangizi, ndikuwona kuti nthawi zambiri choyambitsa ichi ndi chomwe chimayambitsa katundu wamaganizo. Mwachitsanzo, wofuna chithandizo yemwe anali ndi mbiri ya maubwenzi oipa amtundu wina adawonetsa kuti amalowa m'mabwenzi omwe akufunafuna chikondi ndi chisamaliro pamene adakula akudzimva kuti akunyalanyazidwa ndi makolo ake. Nthawi zambiri, timatha kugwirizanitsa zovuta za moyo wathu wachikulire ndi zochitika za ubwana wathu kapena ukalamba momwe zimatengera momwe timaonera anthu komanso dziko lozungulira.

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Zizindikiro Zotengera Katundu Mu Ubale

Ulendo wosiya katundu wamalingaliro, wosinthika kuchoka ku chosowa kuti nthawi zonse uthawe malingaliro osasangalatsa mpaka kufotokoza malingaliro abwino nthawi zonse, sikophweka. Ndipo ndithudi palibe amene mungayambe popanda kudzidziwitsa nokha. Ngati simukudziwabe ngati mayankho anu akukhudzidwa ndi zomwe zidakuchitikirani m'mbuyomu, nazi zizindikiro zina zomwe muyenera kusamala:

• Kudalira: A mgwirizano wodalira ndi pamene m'modzi amatengeka kwambiri ndi lingaliro losamalira mnzake kotero kuti umunthu wawo komanso kudzikonda kumachepa panthawiyi. Ngati muli ndi chibadwa cha mpulumutsi kapena chosowa chofera chikhulupiriro mu ubale wanu, zitha kukhala katundu wanu posewera.
• Nkhani zodalirika: Kulephera kusiya tcheru pamaso pa mnzanuyo komanso kulephera kuwakhulupirira kumabweranso chifukwa cha zowawa komanso zowawa zakale.
• Mkwiyo ndi zokhumudwitsa: Ngati mumakonda kukwiya mukakhumudwa ndipo nthawi zambiri amauzidwa kuti muli ndi mkwiyo, zitha kukhala chizindikiro cha kukhumudwa komwe sikunathe.
• Paranoia: Ngati vuto laling'ono kwambiri muubwenzi wanu kapena ndewu / mkangano ndi ena ofunikira kukusiyani kuganiza zazovuta kwambiri m'maganizo mwanu, ndi chizindikiro kuti mukulimbana ndi kuopa kusiyidwa komwe kudayamba kale.
• Khalidwe lolamulira: Chizoloŵezi chokhala wopondereza kapena kulamulira muubwenzi chifukwa chiyembekezo cholephera kulamulira chimakupangitsani kukhala pachiopsezo komanso mantha.
• Khalidwe losagwirizana: Mumavutika kuti musamasinthe khalidwe lanu ndi mnzanuyo. Inu mukuwadzudzula tsiku lina ndikuchita motalikirana ndi lotsatira. Apanso, khalidwe lotentha ndi lozizirali ndilo chitetezo chachikulu kuti musavulazidwe kapena kusweka mtima

Momwe Mungachotsere Katundu Wamalingaliro?

N’zoonekeratu kuti kukodwa mumsampha wa maganizo osathetsedwa m’mbuyomo kungakulepheretseni m’njira zambiri. Ndipo tsopano popeza mwazindikira, mutha kudzipeza nokha pamphambano ya msewu wabwino ndi woyipa. Zomveka, chisankhocho ndi chophweka - mumasankha njira yabwino, yomwe imakutengerani paulendo wosiya katundu wamaganizo.

Komabe, kuphunzira momwe mungachotsere katundu wamalingaliro ndi njira. Sizingachitike mwadzidzidzi. Pamafunika ntchito yokhazikika ndi khama. Tsopano popeza mwachita chinthu choyamba chofunika kwambiri, mukhoza kufika kumapeto. Ndabwera kuti ndikupatseni malangizo okuthandizani panjira:  

1. Yesetsani kuthetsa machitidwe osayenera

Nthawi zambiri, katundu wathu amatiyika m'njira yopulumutsira pomwe timayang'ana kwambiri kupulumutsa ena (nthawi zambiri okondedwa kapena okondedwa) m'malo modzipulumutsa tokha ku zomwe zatsala pang'ono kuchitika. Ngati muli mumkhalidwe wofananawo, musamalekerere zakuthupi, zakugonana, kapena zapakamwa nkhanza mu ubale chifukwa mukufuna kuthandiza munthuyo kukhala bwino. Palibe amene ayenera kulimbana ndi khalidwe loipa m'dzina la chikondi. Ikani patsogolo thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndi thupi, ndipo yesetsani kuphwanya machitidwe omwe amathandizira katundu wanu.  

2. Yesani njira ya 'galasi yodzaza ndi theka' kuti mutulutse malingaliro omwe mwatsekeka

Gawo lachiwiri paulendowu ndikuwona moyo wanu kudzera mu "galasi lodzaza theka". Mukasankha kuwona moyo ndi zochitika zabwino, kuthana ndi katundu wanu kumakhala kosavuta. Khalani ndi chizoloŵezi chofotokozera malingaliro abwino nthawi zonse m'malo mowononga mphamvu zanu, nthawi yanu, ndi mphamvu zanu kuthawa malingaliro osautsa.

Wothandizira wanga anali ndi vuto ubale ndi amayi ake ndipo ankaona kuti amayi ake ankakonda abale ake nthawi zonse. Zotsatira zake, adayenera kusamuka, ndikuphunzira kudziyimira pawokha komanso kudzidalira. Komabe, anapitirizabe kuwakwiyira amayi ake. 

M'magawo athu, tidayesetsa kuwona momwe adawonera kuti chifukwa cha mkhalidwe wake, adaphunzira kukhala wopulumuka wamphamvu. Ndipo izi zidamupangitsa kukhala wopambana kuposa abale ake omwe adadalirabe amayi awo. Choncho kusankha kuyamikira zimene muli nazo kungathandize kwambiri kuti munthu athane ndi mavuto pa moyo wake.

3. Muziganizira kwambiri za kudzisamalira 

Mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungatulutsire malingaliro otsekeka? Kudzisamalira ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima panthawiyi. Mukamachita ndi katundu, mumamva kuti mulibe mphamvu, mumapanikizika, komanso mumakwiyira dziko lapansi. Choncho kudzisamalira kudzakuthandizani kwambiri kudzisamalira. 

Kugona mokwanira, kudya chakudya choyenera, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi, kusinkhasinkha, ndi kuwerenga mabuku odzithandiza okha okhudzana ndi zovuta zomwe mukukumana nazo zingathandize kukula kwanu. Muziganizira kwambiri zinthu zimene zimakusangalatsani, chitani zinthu zimene zimakusangalatsani, khalani ndi nthawi yocheza ndi anthu amene amakukondani, ndipo nthawi yomweyo phunzirani kudzikonda.

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4. Osadzipatula 

“Palibe munthu amene ali chilumba chokha…” Dzikumbutseni izi mukakhala pafupi ndi anthu ndipo kucheza kumaoneka ngati chinthu chovuta kwambiri kuchita. Ngati mukufuna kumvetsetsa momwe mungachotsere katundu wamalingaliro, muyenera kuvomereza kufunikira kwa kusadzipatula.

Ndikofunikira kukhala pafupi ndi achibale komanso kucheza ndi anzanu, ngakhale zingawoneke zovuta bwanji, ndipo sungani njira zoyankhulirana zotseguka nthawi zonse. Chikondi chawo ndi chikondi chawo chingathandize kwambiri kuchiritsa mabala a m’maganizo ndi zipsera. Komabe, ngati katundu wanu akuchokera ku zovuta za m'banja kapena kusokonezeka kwa ubale ndi achibale ena, ndi bwino kuti musatalikire. M'malo modziwonetsera nokha ku poizoni wawo, yesetsani kulima fuko lanu.

4. Kuthana ndi katundu mu maubwenzi, pezani chithandizo chomwe mukufuna

Simungathe kudutsa njira yochotsera katundu wamalingaliro nokha. Mukufunikira wina woti agwire dzanja lanu pazochitika zonsezi, ndipo ndani angachite izi kuposa katswiri wodziwa zamaganizo? Mukazindikira zomwe simunathetse komanso momwe zimakhudzira moyo wanu, zosankha zanu, maubwenzi anu, ndi mtendere wanu wamalingaliro, kupita kuchipatala kungakhale kothandiza kwambiri.

Kugwira ntchito ndi wothandizira kudzakuthandizani kulingalira ndi kulingalira, ndipo mwinamwake kukupatsani malingaliro omveka bwino a momwe mungapititsire patsogolo moyo wanu. Ngati mukuyang'ana thandizo, alangizi aluso komanso odziwa zambiri Gulu la Bonobology zili pano chifukwa cha inu.

Katundu wamalingaliro ndi chinthu choyenera kuchita mantha kapena kuchita manyazi. Si zachilendo komanso zosapeŵeka kukhala ndi malingaliro osathetsedwa a m'mbuyomu. Komabe, kudzidziwitsa nokha za momwe zimakhudzira moyo wanu ndikofunikira kuti mudziwe nthawi yomwe muyenera kuchitapo kanthu kuti muthetse ndikuwongolera katundu wanu kuti zam'mbuyo zisasokoneze tsogolo lanu kapena tsogolo lanu.

Ibibazo

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.