Ubale uliwonse ndi wapadera. Monga momwe zibwenzi za gurus zimafunira kuti mukhulupirire mosiyana, palibe nthawi yeniyeni ya ulendo waubwenzi. Ichi ndichifukwa chake anthu ambiri m'maubwenzi amakumana ndi funso ili pambuyo pa mfundo yakuti - liti komanso momwe mungalankhulire za ukwati?
Kukonda kapena ayi, kuyambira kalekale, ukwati, ndipo, mwachiwonekere, "mwachimwemwe mpaka kalekale" zawoneka ngati malo omaliza munkhani yachikondi. Koma M conundrum - ukwati - mwina ndizovuta kwambiri.
Kodi mungayambe bwanji kukambirana za ukwati? Ngakhale maanja omwe ali okhazikika, maubwenzi okhalitsa amatha kutaya tulo chifukwa cha funsoli. M'dziko loyenera, lokondana, milingo yaubwenzi imatsata magawo awa: Kukumana-kokerani-tsiku-kulowa muubwenzi-pangani zinkhoswe-kukwatirana.
Moyo ukanakhala wabwino! Pakati pa Ms awiriwa, kukumana ndi ukwati, pali zambiri zomwe zikuchitika. Kusiyana kwa malingaliro, malingaliro okhudzana ndi kudzipereka, zizolowezi, kusintha, kulolerana, ndewu, ndi kusinthana zinthu zitha kuwonekera paulendowu, zomwe zimabweretsa zovuta zambiri kwa banja.
Koma sitepe yaikulu panjira iyi, mosakayika, ndi pamene theka la okwatiranawo asankha kuti ndi nthawi yoti akambirane za tsogolo la ubale wawo, ndikupita ku mlingo wina. Tiyeni tiwone nthawi yoti tikambirane za tsogolo mu chibwenzi, komanso momwe tingachitire moyenera kuti musamuwopsyeze mnzanu.
Nthawi Yoyenera Kukambirana za Ukwati
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
“Ine ndi mwamuna wanga sitinakumane ndi vuto lililonse.” Tinali titakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthaŵi ndithu ndipo tinangotsala pang’ono kukwatirana,” akutero Patty, mkulu wa zamalonda, akulongosola mmene anasankhira kukambitsirana za ukwati ndi bwenzi lake lachibwenzi ndipo analandira “inde” mwamsangamsanga. Sikuti aliyense ali ndi mwayi.
Ngati okwatirana ali ndi zolinga zofanana paubwenzi , njira imatha kukhala yosalala. Funso lokhalo lomwe likutsalira ndilakuti nthawi yoyenera yofunsa funsoli ndi iti (lomwe onse awiri amadziwa yankho lake). Komabe, muubwenzi womwe umadutsa m'mavuto ndi zabwino, pali zinthu zina zomwe muyenera kukumbukira musanasankhe nthawi yokambirana za ukwati.
Ngakhale kuti kukambirana za ukwati mutangoyamba kumene chibwenzi kungachititse kuti mnzanuyo azingokhalira kukangana, kudikira nthawi yaitali kungachititse kuti munthu ayambe kukhumudwa. Ngati mmodzi wa inu amaona kuti ukwati ndi cholinga chofunika kwambiri pamoyo, izi zingayambitse kusakhutira kwakukulu muubwenziwo. Kupeza nthawi yoyenera ndikofunikira.
Mnyamata akamalankhula za ukwati posachedwapa, ayenera kutumiza wokondedwa wake mu maganizo nkhawa, nthawi yomweyo poganiza kuti iye ndi obsessive amakwawa. Ngati mukudzifunsa ngati, "Kodi ndilawiro kuti tikambirane za ukwati?", mwina ndi choncho. Tabwera kuti tikambirane za nthawi yoti tikambirane za ukwati:
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1. Choyamba dzitsimikizireni nokha
Musanalowetse mnzanu pankhaniyi, muyenera kutsimikiza. Ukwati ndi mgwirizano waukulu , choncho ndikofunikira kuti musazengereze za zosowa zanu. Nthawi yoyenera yokambirana za ukwati ndi pamene mukudziwa bwino kuti uyu ndiye munthu amene mukufuna kukhala naye moyo wanu wonse.
Lankhulani za ukwati ndi chibwenzi chanu pamene mungathe kunena mosakayikira kuti iwo ndi anu. Keria anati: “M’miyezi ingapo ndili pachibwenzi, ndinkangoganizira mmene zimakhalira kulera ana ndiponso kumanga chisa ndi mnzanga.” Apa m’pamene ndinadziwa kuti tsiku lina tidzakambirana za ukwati.
“Sitinadikire nthaŵi yaitali kuti tikwatirane titatomerana, tinaganiza zokwatirana mwamsanga monga momwe tingathere, ndipo chosankhacho chinachokera ku chenicheni chakuti aliyense payekha anali wotsimikiza kuti zimenezo n’zimene tinkafuna,” akuwonjezera motero.
2. Kutalika kwa ubale
Ubale uliwonse suyamba ndi lingaliro la ukwati. Zimayamba ndi kukopeka, ndiyeno, m'kupita kwa nthawi, zinthu zina monga chisamaliro, nkhawa, ndi chikondi zimayamba kuchitapo kanthu. Chotero ngati uli unansi wanthaŵi yaitali, wodzipereka ndi wokhazikika, ndithudi mungaganize zouphatikiza mwalamulo ndi ukwati.
Moyenera, muyenera kudikirira mpaka gawo la honeymoon litadutsa ndipo mwawona ndikuphunzira kukondana wina ndi mnzake mbali zosasangalatsa musanayambe kukambirana zaukwati. Choncho musanayambe kukambirana za ukwati ndi chibwenzi chanu, onetsetsani kuti mukudziwa kuti ndi munthu wotani akakhumudwa.
3. Zinthu zakunja
Ngakhale tikufuna kuti zinthu zichitike mosiyana, mosiyana ndi nthawi ya chibwenzi, pankhani ya ukwati, kukakamizidwa ndi anthu ammudzi, anzanu, ndi achibale kumayamba. Kodi mumakhudzidwa ndi banja lanu ndi anzanu mukaganiza zokwatira? Ngati aliyense amene muli naye pafupi ali ndi chidaliro ngati inu za mnzanu, ndipo mukudziwa kuti mwasankha mnzanu woyenera , zingakhale chizindikiro choti "mulankhule".
Ngakhale zili choncho, musalole maganizo a anthu ena kukunyengererani. Kukambitsirana za ukwati mutangoyamba kumene chibwenzi kumatha kuwononga zinthu kwamuyaya, makamaka ngati simunatchulepo lingaliro la ukwati.
4. Mumakwaniritsa ndi kukhulupirirana wina ndi mzake
Munali ndi ndewu zanu, nsanje, mikangano, ndi zina - ndipo mwazigonjetsa kuti mukhale amphamvu kuposa kale. Ngati wokondedwa wanu wayima nanu nthawi zovuta monga momwe amachitira panthawi yabwino, zikutanthauza kuti zomwe muli nazo ndi zapadera. Kungakhale koyenera kuganiza za nthawi yayitali, mwachitsanzo, ukwati.
Iyi ndi nthawi yoti mukambirane za banja musanatengere chinkhoswe ndikupeza chomwe chikwaticho ndi kudzipereka ndi udindo womwe umabwera nawo zikutanthauza kwa inu nonse. Kukhala patsamba lomwelo la ulendo wanu wa moyo ndiye maziko a banja lopambana.
Chotero, m’malo molankhula za ukwati mutangoyamba kumene kukhala pachibwenzi pamene simukudziŵa n’komwe mmene mumathandizirana ndi kukhulupirirana, dikirani kufikira mutakwera zinthu zingapo pamodzi. Momwe mumayendera mavuto omwe amabwera muyenera kukuuzani zonse za momwe mulili limodzi.
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5. Mumaona kuti mukufunika kukhala ndi anzanu
Ukwati ndi woposa tsiku la ukwati. Uli ndi ubale wabwino ndi anthu, kudzipereka, ubwenzi, ndi moyo wonse pamodzi. Simunakonzekere ukwati ngati mumakondabe kukhala osakwatiwa. Kambiranani za ukwati pamene mukumva kufunika kwakukulu kukhala ndi mnzanu wokhazikika osati chibwenzi kapena chibwenzi choti musangalale nacho kapena kukhala nacho kumapeto kwa sabata.
Chofunikira ichi chimabwera pamene ubale umakhala wozama ndipo mumamva kuti mnzanuyo amakuthandizani m'njira yomwe imapangitsa moyo wanu kukhala watanthauzo. Komabe, onetsetsani kuti simukusokoneza chikhumbo ngati chosowa. N’zotheka ndithu kuti mwangotengeka maganizo, ndipo mwadzitsimikizira kuti simungakhale ndi moyo popanda munthu ameneyu. Musanalankhule za ukwati wanu ndi bwenzi lanu kapena chibwenzi chanu, onetsetsani kuti mwalankhula nokha za izo.
6. Mwayeza ubwino ndi kuipa kwake
Alice P, wolemba nkhani, akufotokoza momwe adasankhira kukambirana za ukwati ndi chibwenzi chake cha zaka zitatu. "Ndinalemba mndandanda wa zinthu zoti tikambirane tisanakwatirane . Maganizo athu pa ndalama, moyo, ana, ndi banja. Ndinaganiza momwe iye angachitire chilichonse kutengera zomwe timachita. Nditatsimikiza kuti adzakhala ndi maganizo ofanana ndi anga, ndinayamba kuyambitsa nkhaniyi," akutero iye.
Ndikofunikira kukhala ndi zokambiranazi musanapange chilichonse kukhala chovomerezeka. Ngakhale zinthu zitapita patsogolo pang’ono, kukambitsirana kumeneku pambuyo pa chinkhoswe ndi musanakwatirane kulinso lingaliro labwino. Alice wakhala m'banja losangalala kwa zaka zisanu ndipo kuonetsetsa kuti akugwirizana ndi bwenzi lake pazachuma ndi zina zinasintha kwambiri.
7. Maganizo okhudza ukwati
Kufunika kolankhula zaukwati kwambiri kumatengera momwe mumaonera. Anthu ambiri amakonda kukhala m'maubwenzi odzipereka osamva kufunika kopanga mwamwambo. Ngati banja lanu ndilofunika kwambiri, zidzutseni muubwenzi wanu mwamsanga kuti nonse mudziwe zomwe mukulowa.
Kukambilana za ukwati mutangoyamba kumene chibwenzi sikungopita basi bola mukuchita kuyesa madzi ndikumvetsetsa komwe inu nonse muli pankhaniyi. Mwanjira iyi, mudziwa komwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mukuyimira pankhaniyi. Nthawi yoti mukambirane za tsogolo muubwenzi umakhudzidwa ndi zinthu zambiri, koma koposa zonse, zimatengera momwe mukumvera.
Ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kuti ubale uliwonse ukhale wogwirizana . Mukamaona ukwati ngati chinthu chakutali chomwe simukudziwa kuti mudzachipeza, ndikofunikira kuuza mnzanu za icho. Ndipo ngati ndinu amene mukufuna kukwatira dzulo, onetsetsani kuti mnzanuyo akudziwa momwe mukufunira kukwatirana.
Mmene Mungayankhulire Za Ukwati
“Ine ndi bwenzi langa tinali ndi maganizo osiyana kwambiri pa nkhani ya ukwati.” Tinkakondana kwambiri koma iye ankaopa kudzipereka chifukwa cha ntchito yake ndiponso zinthu zina zambiri zimene zinkamudetsa nkhawa.
Zoonadi, “pamene” mkanganowo utatha, ndi nthawi yoti muganizire mmene mungalankhulire za ukwati. Monga momwe Stuart anadziwira, kutenga njira yoyenera kungapangitse kusiyana konse. Stuart anawonjezera kuti: “Mnyamata akamafulumira kunena za ukwati, mnzakeyo akhoza kukhumudwa ngati mmene chibwenzi changa chinachitira.” Zimene anachita zinali zokhumudwitsa, koma ndinamvetsa kumene akuchokera ndipo tinakambirana,” anawonjezera motero Stuart.
Kukambirana kumeneku kungakhale kochititsa mantha kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri, ngakhale kuti ali ndi zinthu zambiri zofanana, okwatirana angasiyane pankhani za ukwati. Kuopa kukanidwa, udindo, maganizo a banja, ndalama muukwati wawo , ndi zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu akhale wokonzeka kukwatira kapena ayi.
Osaweruza mnzako; yesani ndikumvetsetsa komwe akuchokera m'malo mwake. Malangizo ali m'munsiwa angakuthandizeni ngati mwaganiza zokambilana za ukwati:
1. Osataya lingaliro pa iwo mwadzidzidzi
Mwina mwakhala mukulota za ukwati kuyambira pomwe mudalipanga kukhala lovomerezeka ndi bae wanu. SIKOFUNIKA kuti akhale ndi chidwi chofanana. Choncho musachibweretse modzidzimutsa kapena kupereka chigamulo. Chitani maziko ndi kukambitsirana nkhani ya ukwati wamba kuti muone maganizo awo.
“Ndinayamba kunena mosapita m’mbali zimenezi ponena za kukhala okwatirana, okalamba titakhala kale pachibwenzi kwa zaka zoposa 3 kuti ndione mmene bwenzi langa lingachitire.” Ndiyeno, tsiku lina, iye anayankha kuti, “Inde, tingathenso kusindikiza panganolo mwa kulumbirana.” Apa m’pamene ndinadziwa kuti tingayambe kukambirana za ukwati m’njira yoonekeratu,” anatero Brian.
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2. Kambiranani moona mtima
Mukayamba kunyalanyaza lingalirolo, nthawi imafika yomwe muyenera kukhala omasuka. Musamachite manyazi kukambirana. Khalani omasuka ponena za chikhumbo chanu chokhala ndi banja ndipo limbitsani ubale wanu. Koma kachiwiri, musawawopseze kapena kuwaopseza. M'malo mwake, khalani omasuka ndi inuyo komanso zomwe mukufuna.
Ngati amasamala, amvetsetsa. Ngati zonse zikuyenda bwino ndipo mwaipanga kukhala yovomerezeka poveka mphete, onetsetsani kuti mumalankhula musanakwatirane pambuyo pa chinkhoswe ndipo sungani kukambirana moona mtima. Apa sitikutanthauza kulankhula zokonzekera ukwati, koma moyo umene ukukuyembekezerani mbali ina ya kulonjeza “mpaka imfa idzatilekanitse”.
3. Sankhani nthawi yoyenera
Moyenera, muyenera kukambirana za ukwati musanamufunsira. Perekani zizindikiro zokwanira kuti mudziwe kuti muli ndi kudzipereka kwa nthawi yaitali m'maganizo mwanu, ndipo mutatsimikiza kuti akubwera ku lingaliro, ndiye kambiranani za ukwati.
Ngati mukufuna, funani chibwenzi chachikulu komanso chachikondi , koma dziwani kuti nthawi zonse pamakhala mwayi woti yankho lake lisakhale labwino kwambiri. Munthu winayo sayenera kusiyidwa panja, akumva kukakamizidwa kuti anene kuti “inde” chifukwa mwaganiza zogwada pansi pa bwalo la hockey, nkhope zanu zikuwala pa sikirini yayikulu, pomwe akufunadi kunena kuti “ayi” kapena “Ndikufuna nthawi yochulukirapo.”
4. Kumvetsetsa zolinga zawo zamtsogolo
Mukafika pachibwenzi, musamangokhalira kukambirana zinthu zosangalatsa, zosavuta. Yesani ndikubweretsa mutu wamtsogolo nthawi ndi nthawi. Kodi adziwonera kuti zaka zisanu kapena zisanu ndi chimodzi kuchokera pano?
Kodi nkhani ya “kukhazikika” kapena kukhala ndi banja imapeza njira m’macheza awo? Mvetserani izi musanapite kukapha! Kulankhula za ukwati mutangoyamba kumene chibwenzi - mwachizoloŵezi, mwachisawawa - kungakuthandizeni kuzindikira ngati amakhulupirira kapena ayi.
5. Dziwani momveka bwino malire anu
Palibe choipa kuposa kukhala pachibwenzi chosamveka bwino. Ngati mukusangalala kuona munthu wopanda ukwati, zikhale choncho. Koma ngati mukufunadi ukwati, dziwani bwino nonse awiri mukangoukhazikitsa. Zachidziwikire, zitha kuyambitsa kapena sizingachititse kuti muyambe chibwenzi, koma sipadzakhala kusamveka bwino pa zomwe mukuyembekezera pachibwenzi. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, musazengereze kukambirana kuti “zikupita kuti?”.
6. Abweretseni abwenzi ndi abale awo
Nthawi zina, kufunafuna thandizo lakunja kumakhala kothandiza. Winston Pererra, mlangizi wazachuma adapanga njira yapadera yolimbikitsira lingaliro la ukwati kwa bwenzi lake. Ndinachita mantha ndi kukanidwa, chotero ndinapempha thandizo kwa mabwenzi ake ndi achibale ake. iye akuseka.
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7. Kambiranani za izo pambuyo pa nthawi yapamtima pamodzi
Imodzi mwa njira zabwino kwambiri zolankhulirana za ukwati ndiyo kusankha nthawi imene mwachezapo. Onetsetsani kuti palibe zododometsa kapena kuti mnzanuyo sakupsinjika ndi china chake. Kulankhula za ukwati pamene akukumana ndi vuto lochepa kapena akukumana ndi mavuto mwachiwonekere si lingaliro labwino. M'malo mwake, lankhulani mofatsa mukapeza vibe kuti ali okonzeka.
Ukwati, monga lingaliro, ukhoza kukhala wowopsa kapena wokondweretsa kwa munthu. Zimadalira kwathunthu mapangidwe ake. Choncho, chofunika kwambiri ndicho kumanga maziko a ukwati wanu m’njira yoti nkhani ya ukwati isadzetse mantha kapena kukayikakayika, koma ibweretse chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo.
Tsopano mutha kuyankha mafunso monga akuti, "Ndi liti pamene kuli koyambirira kwambiri kuti tikambirane za ukwati?" kapena “Kodi ndiyenera kukambirana liti za m’tsogolo muubwenzi?” Tikukhulupirira, kukambirana kwanu za izo zikhala bwino kwambiri. Chikhale chimaliziro cha gawo lalikulu loyamba la ubale wanu momwe mungalembe mutu watsopano wokongola.
Ibibazo
Si zachilendo kukambirana za ukwati pambuyo pa mfundo inayake yaubwenzi wanu. Mukagawana china chake chapadera ndipo mukutsimikiza kuti mwapeza munthu yemwe mungakhale naye moyo wanu wonse, mutha kukambirana zaukwati ndikutengera ubale wanu pamlingo wina.
Kukambirana za ukwati mwamsanga mukangoyamba chibwenzi si nkhani yabwino. Ziribe kanthu kuti kukopeka kutani, kukhala bwenzi / bwenzi ndi kukhala mnzako ndi zinthu ziwiri zosiyana. Ukwati umakhala ndi maudindo ambiri, choncho ganizirani zimenezi pokhapokha mutakhala ndi nthawi yochuluka ndi mnzanuyo ndi kuwamvetsa bwino.
Akamaopa kudzipereka , safunsa mafunso okhudza tsogolo ndipo sasonyeza kuti ukwati ndi wofunika kwa iye, dziwani kuti sakhulupirira kukwatiwa.
Mutakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali ndipo mwayala maziko a kukambirana za m’tsogolo, mungayambe kukambirana za ukwati mutadziwa kuti nonse mukufuna zinthu zofanana paubwenziwo.
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
