Ubwenzi Wapakhomo vs Ukwati: Kusiyana & Ubwino

Kusiyana pakati pa ubale wapabanja ndi ukwati ku US kuyenera kukhala kuwerenga kofunikira kwa iwo omwe ali paubwenzi wanthawi yayitali. Ngati mwasokonekera pa nkhani yokwatirana ndi munthu, yesani kukhalira limodzi pansi pa mgwirizano walamulo womwe umalola okwatirana kukhala pansi pa denga limodzi popanda kukwatirana. Inde, uwu ndi ubale watsopano womwe mungakhale nawo, ndipo umakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi zabwino zambiri. Ubwenzi wapakhomo ndi imodzi mwa njira zapafupi kwambiri m'malo mwaukwati zomwe mungasankhe popeza zimapereka zina mwazinthu zomwe banja limachita, komabe sizomanga.

Ngati mukuvutika kumvetsetsa kusiyana pakati pa ukwati ndi mgwirizano wapakhomo, iyi ndi nkhani yoyenera kwa inu. Atafunsidwa pa Reddit ngati mgwirizano wapakhomo ndi lingaliro labwino, wogwiritsa ntchito wina adati, "Kukhazikitsa mgwirizano wapakhomo musanakwatirane kungakhale kopindulitsa kwa onse awiri. Ndi chida choteteza nonse awiri musanakwatirane."

Ndipo ngakhale Reddit ingakhale njira yabwino yopezera mayankho ena, tiyeneranso kulola akatswiriwo kuti afotokoze. Kuti timvetse bwino zomwe dongosololi limaphatikizapo, loya Siddhartha Mishra (BA, LLB), loya wochita ntchito ku Khoti Lalikulu la India, ali pano kuti atithandize kufotokoza nkhaniyi. Popanda kuchedwa, tiyeni tiyambepo.

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Malinga ndi lamulo la ku California , mgwirizano wapakhomo/ubale umatanthauzidwa ngati “akuluakulu awiri omwe asankha kugawana miyoyo yawo muubwenzi wapamtima komanso wodzipereka wosamalirana.” Lamuloli linakhazikitsidwa makamaka kumayambiriro kwa zaka za m'ma 1980 kwa okwatirana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha chifukwa cha kusowa kwa kufanana m'maukwati. Nazi zofunikira paubwenzi wapakhomo:

• Othandizana nawo akuyenera kukhala opitilira zaka 18 ndipo akuyenera kuvomera kulowa muubwenzi wapakhomo
• Okwatiranawo ayenera kukhala odzipereka ndi kukhala pamodzi
• Sayenera kukwatirana mwalamulo kapena mwachipembedzo 
• Akhoza kukhala ndi ana pamodzi
• Asamakwatiwe ndi wina aliyense
• Asakhale ndi abwenzi ena apakhomo
• Ayenera kugawana ntchito zogulira zinthu
• Anthu apabanja sangakhale pachibale ndi magazi

Kodi mgwirizano wapakhomo ndi wofanana ndi ukwati wamba? Si zoona. Koma awiriwa akhoza kusangalala ndi maubwino ena omwe banja limapeza. Siddhartha akufotokoza kuti, "Mnzawo wapakhomo angatanthauzidwe mofala ngati munthu wosakwatirana komanso wosakwatirana amene amakhala m'nyumba imodzi ndi wantchito ndipo amakhala muubwenzi wodzipereka komanso wapamtima womwe sunatanthauzidwe mwalamulo ngati ukwati ndi boma lomwe okwatiranawo amakhala. Mgwirizanowu umakhala ndi anthu awiri ofanana kapena osiyana amuna ndi akazi."

Anthu ambiri, mosasamala kanthu za kugonana kwawo, amasankha kukhala ndi zibwenzi zapakhomo tsopano chifukwa ndi zofanana kwambiri ndi ukwati. Inu ndi mnzanuyo mutangolowa muubwenzi pogwiritsa ntchito Pangano la Ubwenzi wa Pakhomo, mukhoza kufotokoza zandalama, katundu, thanzi, ndi zachipatala za ubale wanu, ndipo monga okondedwa anu apakhomo, mukhoza kusangalala ndi ubwino walamulo.

Diana, wasayansi wazaka 34, anafotokoza chifukwa chimene anasankhira chibwenzi m’malo molowa m’banja kuti: “N’kovuta ‘kuchoka’ m’banja kusiyana ndi kukhala ndi chibwenzi. 

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Maluso Atatu Ofunika Kupulumutsa Ukwati Wanu & Kuletsa Kusudzulana

Kufanana Pakati pa Ubwenzi Wapakhomo Ndi Ukwati

Siddhartha anati: “Ubwenzi wapabanja sufanana ndi ukwati, koma umapereka mapindu ofanana.

Kuti timvetse ubwino ndi kuipa kwa ukwati ndi mgwirizano wapabanja, tikuyenera kuonanso zomwe izi zimabweretsa patebulo. Mwanjira zina, maubwenzi apabanja amatenga keke. Mwa zina, ukwati umawoneka ngati ubale womveka bwino womwe ungasankhe. Koma izi zisanachitike, tiyenera kumvetsetsa maziko ofunikira a maubale onsewa. Kodi amawoneka bwanji komanso akumva bwanji?

1. Mumazindikiridwa pamaso pa lamulo

“Kodi chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wapakhomo ngati akukhala nane?” anafunsa mmodzi mwa owerenga athu. Ngakhale kuti chibwenzi chokhalira limodzi chingaoneke ngati ukwati, muyenera kuganizira za mgwirizano wapakhomo ngati malo apakati pakati pa kukhala limodzi ndi ukwati. Pali malamulo ambiri mu mgwirizano wapakhomo omwe amakupangitsani kukhala ogwirizana ndi munthu winayo, kupatula kungogawaniza ndalama zogulira lendi ndi zakudya - zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale pafupi kwambiri ndi ukwati.

Siddhartha akupereka lingaliro lakuti, "Kugonana kapena kukhalira limodzi osakwatirana kwa mwamuna ndi mkazi kwakhala cholinga cha anthu ambiri ochita kafukufuku wazamalamulo m'zaka makumi awiri zapitazi. Zimasiyana pang'ono ndi zibwenzi zapakhomo." Mosiyana ndi ukwati, maubwenzi okhalira limodzi, okwatirana sakwatirana koma amakhala pamodzi pansi pa denga lomwelo lomwe limafanana ndi ubale wofanana.
ukwati. Mwanjira ina, ndizosavuta kuzichepetsa ndikuzitcha kukhalira limodzi. ”

2. Kugawanika kumawoneka chimodzimodzi

Ngakhale kuti pali maufulu ambiri alamulo amene munthu angapeze muukwati wapakhomo, chodziwika bwino nchakuti ngakhale kusudzulana kungaoneke ngati kupatukana kwa okwatirana. Tikudziwa, tikudziwa, mudabwera kuno ndikuyang'ana kuti mumvetsetse kuti ndi njira iti yosavuta yokhala ndi bwenzi lanu osawasiya. Koma timvereni ndipo mutha kungotithokoza pakapita nthawi, chifukwa ichi chikhoza kukhala chofunikira kwambiri pa chisankho chanu chosankha okwatirana ndi okwatirana.

M'maboma ambiri kuphatikiza California, chilichonse chomwe chimapezedwa m'banja chikhoza kugawidwa 50-50 ngati banja latha. Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, ufulu wa mgwirizano wapakhomo umalola munthu kukhala ndi chinthu chomwecho, pamene atha. Kotero inu simungachoke ndi mtima wosweka.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Maluso Atatu Ofunika Kupulumutsa Ukwati Wanu & Kuletsa Kusudzulana

3. Mumapeza chithandizo cha inshuwaransi yazaumoyo muzochitika zonse ziwiri

Zikafika ku inshuwaransi yaumoyo, monga okwatirana, muli ndi ufulu wopeza zinthu zomwe okwatirana angachite. Ngakhale izi zitha kusiyanasiyana m'maboma onse, pali njira zambiri zomwe zingalole kuti banja lizipeza phindu laumoyo. Ndipo ana awo onse adzachipezanso.

Mwachitsanzo, Boma la New Jersey limati , "Cholinga cha lamuloli ndi kuchitira okwatirana a m'banja omwe ali ndi chithandizo chamankhwala ngati okwatirana kuti apereke chithandizo cha inshuwalansi yaumoyo. Chifukwa chake, ngati ana achibadwa a m'banja, olera kapena opeza athandizidwa, ana a m'banja nawonso adzathandizidwa." Imeneyo ndi njira yovuta yomwe boma limakuuzani kuti, khalani ndi banja losangalala!

4. Mutha kugwiritsa ntchito ufulu wokhala ndi nyumba

Ngati mukufuna kusankha chibwenzi m'malo mokwatirana mwalamulo, pitirirani nazo. Chifukwa pankhani yopezera nyumba pamodzi, monga zibwenzi zapakhomo, kaya amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena ayi - mutha kunena momasuka kuti ndinu okwatirana ovomerezeka mwalamulo ndipo izi siziyenera kuyika chidwi chilichonse pakuyesa kwanu kupeza malo. Lamulo la Ubale Wapakhomo limazindikira kusiyanasiyana kwa kakhazikitsidwe ka mabanja, kotero mutha kukhala m'nyumba yomwe mukufuna.

Kumvetsetsa Kusiyana Pakati pa Ubwenzi Wapakhomo Ndi Ukwati

Tsopano tiyeni tilowe mu mkangano wa mwamuna ndi mkazi ndi okondedwa. Kodi mgwirizano wapabanja ndi wofanana ndi ukwati walamulo wamba? Kodi chibwenzi ndi bwenzi lapakhomo?

Kukhala limodzi ndi mnzanu kapena chibwenzi chanu ngati anthu ogona m'chipinda chimodzi ndi njira yosiyana ndipo nthawi zina sikuyenera kukhala okwatirana m'nyumba. Inde, muyenera kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mnzanu kuti muyenerere kukhala pachibwenzi m'nyumba. Ndipo muyenera kukhala limodzi m'nyumba yokhazikika ndikugawana maudindo azachuma monga chakudya ndi pogona. Koma izi sizingakhale ubale wovomerezeka ndi lamulo.

Pakati pa mgwirizano wapakhomo ndi ukwati, cholepheretsa chachikulu cha poyamba ndi chakuti si mayiko onse omwe adapanga mgwirizano wapakhomo kukhala wovomerezeka. Chifukwa chake ngakhale mutagawana chilichonse kuyambira mswachi wanu mpaka kukhala ndi akaunti yakubanki yogawana, boma silingakuwoneni ngati anthu okondana nawo pakhomo. Ngakhale masiku ano, maufulu ena apabanja akuphwanyidwa. Anthu ena achiorthodox ndi queerphobic saona maubwenzi apabanja mozama. Komabe, m'maboma omwe ndi ovomerezeka, apa pali kusiyana pakati pa ubale wapabanja ndi ukwati:

1. Ufulu walamulo wa ana

Ndikofunikira kudziwa izi ngati mukufuna kusankha ubale wapabanja ndipo mukufunitsitsa kukhala ndi ana. Pali kusiyana pang'ono kwamalamulo pakati pa okondedwa wapakhomo ndi okwatirana. Choyamba sichimatengedwa ngati banja mwalamulo. Kusiyana kwakukulu n’kwakuti okwatirana amalandira chitetezo chowonjezereka mwalamulo, pamene unansi wapabanja umanyozedwa ndi osunga mwambo. Choncho ngakhale kuti simungakhale ndi ufulu wofanana ndi wa okwatirana, pali ochepa amene angateteze banja lanu. Nawa malamulo ena omwe amakhala ofala pakati pa okwatirana ndi okwatirana:

• Mnzake wapabanja angathe kulipira ndalama zolipirira ana kapena chithandizo china chilichonse chofananacho popanda kukhala pabanja
• Ngati mnzanu wapakhomo ali ndi mwana, mukhoza kumulera musanalowe m’banja 
• Mwana wobadwa kwa anthu awiri okwatirana amatengedwa chimodzimodzi monga ana obadwa kwa okwatirana

2. Phindu la msonkho kwa anthu okwatirana

Misonkho ndi yokwera kwambiri kwa okwatirana. Pamkangano waubwenzi wapabanja ndi ukwati, woyamba amatenga mphotho pano ndikupewa chilango cha msonkho chomwe okwatirana amayenera kulipira. 

Mtsikana wina wazaka 29 dzina lake Tim, yemwe amagwira ntchito ku banki, anati: “Ndinasankha kukhala pachibwenzi chifukwa ndinkafuna kukhala ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga tisanamangidwe. Si nthabwala, Tim akupambana pamasewerawa. Amapeza munthu wake NDIPO amasunga ndalama kuti awononge wina ndi mnzake!

3. Kusiyana kwa malo kapena katundu 

Kusiyana kwina pakati pa ubale wapakhomo ndi ukwati ndi uku: ngati mukukonzekera kugula nyumba kapena malo pamodzi (mu mgwirizano wapakhomo), mudzakumana ndi mavuto ambiri poyerekeza ndi banja. Munthu m'modzi yekha ndi amene angapemphe ngongole ya nyumba. Muyenera kusaina pangano la katundu wokhala limodzi kuti mudziteteze pamene ubale wanu ukuyamba kusokonekera . Koma katundu wa m'banja ndi wosavuta.

Mukadzakwatiwa, katundu wa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu adzaperekedwa kwa inu ndipo simuyenera kulipira msonkho pa malowo. Pomwe mumgwirizano wapakhomo, katunduyo adzaperekedwa kwa inu koma muyenera kulipira msonkho. Tengani kwa katswiri:

Siddhartha akuti, "Okwatirana olembetsa okwatirana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha akhoza kudzipeza okha pamisonkho ikubwera nthawi yolemba. Kusiyana pakati pa boma ndi boma kuzindikira maukwati a amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso maubwenzi apabanja kungayambitse mavuto omwe okwatirana omwe amagonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha samakumana nawo. atha kupereka kokha zikalata zamisonkho za boma potengera malamulo a boma komwe akukhala.

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4. Kusiyana kwa phindu lazachuma mu ubale wapabanja ndi ukwati

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa kukhala okwatirana ndi kukhala okwatirana, choncho werengani mosamala. Ngakhale mumapeza chithandizo chamtundu wina wa okwatirana m'makonzedwe awa, okwatirana samalandira ndalama zopumira pantchito kapena zotetezedwa monga momwe okwatirana amachitira. Nditamufunsa mnzanga, Mason, za maganizo ake pankhani ya mnzawo wa moyo ndi ukwati, iye anandiuza kuti, “Kulephera kwa mapindu opuma pantchito n’chifukwa chake anthu ambiri amasankha ukwati m’malo mwaubwenzi wapakhomo.

"Ngakhale makampani a inshuwalansi saona ukwatiwu ngati ukwati wamba. Okwatirana amasangalala ndi maubwino ambiri kuposa osakwatirana. Simungasamutsire katundu wanu kwa iwo popanda kulipira misonkho yokwera." Taganizirani izi motere. Mumaonedwa mozama kwambiri m'maso mwa boma ngati mwasankha kukwatira wina, ndipo zimenezo zimakhudza ndalama zanu ndipo zimenezo zingakhale bwino paubwenzi wa nthawi yayitali . Komanso, pali mavuto ena ambiri omwe mungakumane nawo.

Siddhartha akutiuza kuti, "Mosiyana ndi anthu okwatirana, okwatirana sanganene kuti ali ndi banja. Izi zikutanthauza kuti sangathe kunena kuti ali ndi ufulu wofanana ndi anthu okwatirana, kuphatikizapo kulera. Ndipo chifukwa chakuti okwatirana sakudziwika pa federal, m'modzi sangapemphe kuti mnzawo yemwe si mbadwa akhalebe ku United States. nyumba.”

Choncho ganizirani za ubwino wandalama woterewu ndi mapindu opuma pantchito odzalowa m’banja musanakhazikike m’banja. Izi ndi zofunika kuziganizira powunika ubwino ndi kuipa kwa ukwati ndi chiyanjano chapakhomo.

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Ubwino Umapezeka Pamayanjano Apakhomo

Lingaliro la mgwirizano wapakhomo linapangidwa kuti lipatse anthu odzipereka mwayi wokhala ngati okwatirana, ndikusangalala ndi zomwe zingamve ngati kukhala okwatirana mwalamulo. Ngakhale pangakhale zifukwa zina zochotsera lingalirolo ndi kumanga mfundo, pali njira zingapo zomwe mungakhalire okwatirana ndi kusangalala ndi moyo womwe mumafuna popanda zingwe zazikulu. Pali maubwino ambiri azachuma komanso osakhala azachuma omwe mungalandire muubwenzi wapabanja, limodzi ndi maufulu otsatirawa a chiyanjano:

• Kupewa chilango cha msonkho wapabanja: Chilango chaukwati ndi pamene msonkho wonse wa banja ukuwonjezeka chifukwa cha kukwatirana ndi kupereka msonkho pamodzi. Misonkho iyi sikugwira ntchito kwa anthu okwatirana

• Thanzi ndi zabwino zamano: Thanzi lanu ndi zopindulitsa za ku Senegal zidzaperekedwa ngati muli ndi bwenzi lapakhomo lamtundu uliwonse

• Ufulu wazamalamulo kwa ana: Mwana wobadwa kwa makolo muubwenzi wapakhomo amatengedwa ngati ana obadwa kwa okwatirana kotero zimapatsa banjalo ufulu wofanana ngati kuti anali pabanja. Mwanjira iyi, mutha kugwiritsa ntchito ubwino wosakwatiwa ndipo akhoza kupangabe banja

• Ufulu wolandira: Ngati mwanayo anabadwira kwa mnzanu wina, muli ndi ufulu womulera mwalamulo mwana wa bwenzi lanu lapakhomo kuti likhale limodzi mwamapindu omwe amapezeka muubwenzi wapakhomo.

• Ubwino waumoyo mumgwirizano wapabanja: Muli ndi ufulu kutenga masiku asanu otsatizana ogwirira ntchito limodzi ndi wokondedwa wanu, mwana, mwana wopeza, kholo, kapena mbale wanu.

• Ufulu wokayendera zipatala: Ngati wokondedwa wanu ali kuchipatala, mumapeza ufulu wonse wopita kukawawona ndipo amatengedwa ngati banja. Palibenso zipinda zodikirira ndipo mutha kusangalala ndi chithandizo cha okwatirana

Ndipo kuwonjezera apo, pali ufulu wolandira cholowa womwe mungasangalale nawo. Ngati m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo amwalira popanda chilolezo, wotsalayo atha kutenga chumacho. Siddhartha anati: “Okwatirana sangatengere chuma cha mnzake akangomwalira.” Nthawi zambiri, munthu wokwatira akhoza kutengera chuma cha mnzawoyo popanda kulipira msonkho.

Pankhani ya mgwirizano wapabanja motsutsana ndi ukwati, titha kunena kuti ukwati ndi wokoma kwambiri pano chifukwa mumapeza zabwino zambiri monga banja, kuchokera ku inshuwaransi yaumoyo mpaka kugulira limodzi malo. Ngakhale kuti simuyenera kulipira msonkho waukwati muubwenzi wapakhomo, ukwati umaperekanso madalitso ena kwa okwatirana.

Kodi Ndisankhe Ubwenzi Wapakhomo Kapena Ukwati?

Zina zili ndi inu. Mutha kusankha bwenzi lapabanja motsutsana ndi ukwati potengera momwe mumaonera, zomwe mumakonda, komanso malingaliro achipembedzo. Anthu ambiri okonda kusamala komanso opembedza sasankha kukhala ndi zibwenzi, ndipo amakonda kusintha ubale wawo kukhala wokwatiwa. Kwa anthu oterowo, kumanga mfundo ndi njira yabwinoko chifukwa kumapereka mapindu ndi chitetezo mosasamala kanthu komwe mumakhala. Maukwati amadziwika m'mayiko onse ku US Komabe, mayiko ena salola kapena kuzindikira maubwenzi apabanja. 

Mukuganiza zotani kenako? Kodi muyenera kusankha chiyani pa mgwirizano wapabanja vs chisokonezo chaukwati? Ngati mukutsamira ku mgwirizano wapabanja, apa pali mwachidule zifukwa zomwe muyenera kuzichitira. Sankhani mgwirizano wapabanja:

• Ngati mukukhudzidwa ndi chilango cha msonkho waukwati
• Ngati mukufuna kuthawa mavuto a chisudzulo pakakhala kulekana 
• Ngati munakwatirana kale ndipo munakumana ndi zowawa
• Ngati mukukhudzidwa kuti muyenerere kulandira phindu la boma
• Ngati mmodzi wa inu akuona kuti ukwati ndi mwambo wachipembedzo mopambanitsa 
• Ngati simukugwirizana ndi lingaliro laukwati ndikulingalira ngati mbiri yakale ya makolo akale

Kukhalira limodzi ndi wokondedwa wanu sikufanana ndi kungokhala limodzi ndi okondedwa wanu; imakhudzanso zinthu zina zambiri. Muyenera kufufuza ngati ndinu oyenerera komanso oyenerera kukhala paubwenzi wapakhomo ndipo mudzafunikanso kulemba mapepala ochokera kwa Mlembi wa Boma. Ndipo zimenezi zikhoza kukhala nthawi yaitali. Ntchito yanu ikangodziwitsidwa, muyenera kulipira chindapusa ndikutumiza fomu yanu. Boma lidzabwerera kwa inu akakhazikitsa mgwirizano wanu. Ndipo apo inu muli nazo izo! Inu tsopano ndinu zibwenzi zapakhomo pamaso pa malamulo.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Julayi 2023.

Ibibazo

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.