Momwe Mungayambitsire Chibwenzi: Malangizo Kwa Oyamba Ndi Amene Akuyambanso

Kuyamba kukhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yoyamba kapena pambuyo popuma kwa nthawi yayitali kungamve ngati kulowa m'gawo losadziwika. Nkwachibadwa kukayikira, kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi chibwenzi chimagwira ntchito bwanji?” kapena ngakhale kukakamira pa “Sindikudziwa kukhala pachibwenzi, mwina komanso osayesa”. Malingaliro awa angawoneke ngati ovuta, koma ndondomekoyi si yovuta monga momwe mukuganizira. Kukhala pachibwenzi sikungokhudza ungwiro-komanso kulumikizana, kukula, ndi kuzindikirana. Kaya mukudabwa ngati nthawi yakwana kapena mukufufuza malangizo oti muyambe kuchita chibwenzi, takubweretserani mayankho onse! 

Tidalankhula ndi katswiri wazamisala waku California komanso cognitive behaviour therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wa kupatukana ndi kusudzulana, kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi, komanso zovuta zofananira musanalowe m'banja, kuti akubweretsereni njira zothandiza komanso upangiri wa akatswiri.

Malangizo 11 Othandiza Momwe Mungayambitsire Chibwenzi

Kukhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yoyamba kungamve ngati kuyesa kusonkhanitsa mipando ya IKEA popanda malangizo-zolemetsa, zosokoneza, komanso nthawi zina zosangalatsa. Koma musati thukuta! Ndi kusuntha koyenera ndi nthabwala zochepa, simudzangoyang'ana dziko lachibwenzi komanso kusangalala ndi ndondomekoyi. M'munsimu muli 11 akatswiri chibwenzi malangizo opangidwa kukuthandizani kuchita masitepe oyambirira molimba mtima ndi moona mtima.

1. Onetsani kumene kuli anthu

Kukumana ndi anthu zimafuna, chabwino, kukhala komwe iwo ali. 

• Lowani nawo magulu omwe mumakonda
• Pitani ku zochitika
• Kapenanso malo ogulitsira khofi pafupipafupi 

Mwachitsanzo, kujowina kalabu yamabuku kapena kuchita nawo kalasi ya yoga kungakuthandizeni kupeza anthu amalingaliro ofanana. Dr. Batra akulangiza kuti: “Ngati muli ndi mantha, yambani pang’ono: kupereka moni kwa munthu watsopano kapena yamikirani buku kapena chovala chimene wasankha.” Kuyanjana kwenikweni, ngakhale kwanthawi zonse, kungakulitse chidaliro chanu, kukulitsa maubwenzi anu, motero, kumathandizira pachibwenzi. 

2. Yendetsani ndi sitayelo

Mapulogalamu a zibwenzi ali ngati chida chamakono chopangira machesi. Kupanga bwino mbiri ya chibwenzi ndikofunikira:

• Phatikizani zithunzi zomveka bwino zaposachedwa komanso mbiri yakale yomwe ikuwonetsa umunthu wanu ndi zomwe mumakonda
• Pewani mawu oti "Ndimakonda kuyenda" popanda mawu; m'malo, lembani za ulendo mumaikonda
• Yendetsani mwanzeru; kugwirizana kwabwino kumafunika kwambiri kuposa kuchuluka

3. Yesetsani kuyankhula pang'ono

Kalankhulidwe kakang'ono sichabe; ndi poyambira zokambirana watanthauzo. Popereka malangizo okhudza mmene mungayambire chibwenzi kwa nthawi yoyamba, Dr. Batra anati: “Yesetsani kucheza ndi anzanu kapena anthu oyandikana nawo nyumba.” Ngati muli pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, funsani mafunso amene angakufunseni mafunso monga akuti, “N’chiyani chimakusangalatsani kwambiri pa ntchito yanu? Kuchita nawo kuwala, kusinthanitsa kolimba mtima kumakuthandizani kuti mupumule pamasiku.

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4. Funsani zokhazikitsa

Kodi zibwenzi zimagwira ntchito bwanji kwa anthu omwe sali pa intaneti? Mutha kupita kunjira yachikhalidwe nthawi zonse! Anzanu nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi malingaliro abwino a omwe angakhale ogwirizana ndi inu. Tchulani kuti ndinu omasuka kuchita zibwenzi ndipo funsani ngati akudziwa aliyense amene ali ndi zokonda zanu. Kukonzekera kumabwera ndi chidaliro chokhazikika chifukwa bwenzi lanu likukutsimikizirani nonse. Kumbukirani kusunga msonkhano woyamba wamba, monga a tsiku la khofi.

5. Ace zoyamba

Small manja ngati kuvala, kupeza maluwa tsiku lanu, kukhalabe maso kukhudzana, ndi kumwetulira kusonyeza kutentha ndi chidwi, kuika zabwino kamvekedwe tsiku. Dr. Batra anati: “Kudzidalira n’kofunika kwambiri, koma sikukutanthauza kuchita zinthu mwangwiro.

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6. Khalani omasuka

Landirani zosiyana; iwo pangitsa maubwenzi kukhala osangalatsa. Zochita za wina, monga kukonda pizza ya chinanazi, poyamba zingawoneke ngati zosamvetsetseka koma zimatha kuchititsa kuseka. Pewani kuthamangitsa munthu chifukwa chokonda zazing'ono; m'malo mwake ganizirani za makhalidwe awo abwino ndi umunthu wawo.

7. Yendani pa liwiro lanu

Poganizira za momwe mungayambirenso chibwenzi, pewani kuthamangira. Dr. Batra anati: “Kutumizirana mameseji pafupipafupi kapena kukumana pafupipafupi kumatha kukhala kovutirapo, makamaka ngati simunakhale pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali.” Danga limathandizira kupanga chiyembekezo komanso kamvekedwe kachilengedwe muubwenzi. Choncho, lolani kuti zinthu zizichitika mwadongosolo.

8. Konzani masiku otsika

Madeti oyamba siziyenera kukhala mopambanitsa. Malo ogulitsira khofi wamba kapena kuyenda mu paki kumapangitsa kuti anthu azikambirana. Zokonda zoterezi zimakhala zochepetsetsa, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti onse awiri azikhala omasuka. Khalani opepuka komanso osangalatsa kulimbikitsa kulumikizana kwenikweni.

9. Khalani womvera kwambiri

Kumvetsera mwachidwi ndi mphamvu yapamwamba pa chibwenzi. Yankhani mosamala ndikuwonetsa chidwi ndi zomwe tsiku lanu limagawana. Mwachitsanzo, ngati atchula za chikondi chophika, afunseni za maphikidwe kapena zakudya zomwe amakonda. Kumvetsera kumalimbitsa chikhulupiriro ndi kugwirizana.

10. Yang'anirani mbendera zofiira

Izi ndizabwino poyamba malangizo a ubale chifukwa, popanda chidziwitso, mumangoyang'ana aliyense amene amakupatsani chidwi pang'ono (Palibe chifukwa chokhumudwitsidwa, tonse tinali chonchi nthawi ina). Dr. Batra anati: “Musanayambe chibwenzi, muzikumbukira zinthu zimene zingasonyeze kuti mukukumana ndi vuto linalake, monga kusaganizira zinthu monyanyira kapena kulephera kulemekeza malire.

11. Mudzisunge

Thandizo lodziwika bwino kwambiri lothandizira pa chibwenzi. Ndipo, khulupirirani izo kapena ayi, yowona kwambiri nayonso. Zowona ndizokopa. Gawani zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mumakonda, kaya ndimakonda zokhwasula-khwasula pakati pausiku kapena zolemba zosadziwika bwino. Kukhala wowona kumalimbikitsa kulumikizana kwatanthauzo ndikuwonetsetsa kuti zikugwirizana.

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Kulowanso m'dziko lazibwenzi kumatha kukhala kovutirapo, makamaka pakadutsa nthawi yopuma. Ngati mukuganiza kuti "Ndiyenera kuyambanso liti?" Yankho limadalira mmene mukumvera. Malangizowa adzakuthandizani kudziwa ngati mwakonzeka, ndipo ngati inde, mungayambire bwanji chibwenzi, kaya ndinu okonzeka. kuyamba ubale watsopano kapena kungoyesa madzi.

1. Yang'anani katundu wanu wamalingaliro

Zomverera zosathetsedwa kuchokera maubale akale ikhoza kusokoneza maulumikizidwe atsopano. Lingalirani zamalingaliro anu ndikuwonetsetsa kuti mwawakonza mokwanira. Kulemba zolemba kapena chithandizo kungakuthandizeni kuchotsa zovuta zomwe zatsala pang'ono kutha. Ngati mungaganizire za wakale wanu wopanda mkwiyo, ndi chizindikiro kuti mwakonzeka. Monga izi Reddit wosuta adagawana nawo, "Pamapeto pake, si nkhani ya wina koma yanu. Onetsetsani kuti simuli pachibwenzi kuti mudzaze dzenje lomwe munthu woyambayo adasiya. Muyenera kuchiza nokha."

2. Lingalirani za maphunziro akale

Musanadumphe kuti mudziwe momwe mungayambirenso chibwenzi, imani kuti mupende chibwenzi chanu chomaliza. Dzifunseni mafunso monga:

• Nchiyani chinalakwika?
• Kodi inu mukanachita chiyani mosiyana?
• Munali olakwa mwanjira iliyonse ndipo ngati inde, mungasinthe bwanji ndi kukhala bwenzi labwino?

Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti, "Ubwenzi uliwonse umakhala ndi maphunziro. Ganizirani zomwe zathandiza, zomwe sizinathandize, ndi momwe mungafune kuti maubwenzi amtsogolo adzawonekere. Gwiritsani ntchito mfundozi kuti mufotokoze zoyembekeza bwino ndikupewa kubwereza machitidwe."

3. Lumikizananinso ndi inu nokha

Dziwaninso zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mumakonda. Zochita monga kujambula kapena kukwera mapiri zimalimbikitsa kudzidalira ndikukukumbutsani za umunthu wanu. Kukhala ndi malingaliro amphamvu aumwini ndikofunikira pa chibwenzi, kuti musakhale ndi chilichonse chocheperapo chomwe mukuyenera. Izi Reddit wosuta adagawana nawo ulendo wawo atatha kupatukana, "Ndinabwereranso kuchipatala, ndikulemba zambiri, ndikuganizira kwambiri zomwe ndingathe kusintha kuti ndisalole kuti katundu alowemo ngati ndikufuna kukhalanso ndi chibwenzi. ubale wabwino"

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4. Chiritsani musanaulule

Ziribe kanthu kuti mumatsatira malangizo angati a zibwenzi, kulowa m'dziko la zibwenzi nthawi isanakwane kungayambitse kugwirizana kwachiphamaso. Onetsetsani kuti mwakonzeka kugawana moyo wanu ndi wina watsopano. Tengani nthawi yanu ndikuyika patsogolo thanzi lanu lamalingaliro. A Reddit wosuta adagawana malingaliro awo pankhaniyi, "..miyezi ingapo yapitayo ndinathetsa zinthu ndi mwamuna yemwe ndimaganiza kuti ndiye. Sindinakonzekerebe, ngakhale ndangomva kuti ex wanga ali pachibwenzi ndi anthu ena. Ndikuganiza kuti simungathe kuwerengera machiritso, ndipo musathamangire kupikisana ndi ex kusunthira patsogolo. Chitani mwachifatse."

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5. Khalani ndi malire

Yambani ndikuzindikira zomwe simungakambirane - izi zitha kuphatikiza:

• Ndi nthawi yochuluka bwanji yomwe mukulolera kudzipereka paubwenzi
• Zosangalatsa zoyankhulana
• Kapena mitundu yamakhalidwe yomwe mumapeza kuti ndi yosavomerezeka

Mutafotokoza malire anu, lankhulani momasuka koma mwaulemu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mumaona kuti nthawi yanu ndi yofunika kwambiri, fotokozani kuti mumafuna madzulo angapo pamlungu kuti mukhale nokha. Ngati wina akuvutika kulemekeza malire anu kapena kuwaseka, ndi mbendera yofiira kufunika kuzindikila.

6. Muzikopana mopanda mantha

Kukopana sikuyenera kukhala koopsa; ndi za kusonyeza chidwi mwamasewera. Choncho musazengereze kupereka chiyamikiro kapena kumwetulira kukopana kuti adziwe kuti ndinu osakwatiwa monga pringle ndi wokonzeka kusakaniza. (Wakuda kwambiri?)

7. Sinthaninso zomwe mukufuna

Popeza mwasankha kuti, “Ndikufuna kuyambanso chibwenzi,” fotokozani tanthauzo la chibwenzi kwa inu panthawiyi. Fotokozani zomwe mukuyembekezera kuti mukhale omasuka ndi anthu omwe mumakumana nawo. Taganizirani mafunso otsatirawa:

• Mukufuna bwenzi lalitali, kufufuza chibwenzi wamba, kapena kungochita zachiwerewere? 
• Kodi mumafuna makhalidwe ati mwa mnzanu?
• Pamene mukuyamba mwatsopano, pali china chatsopano chomwe mukufuna kuyesa? (polyamory, malingaliro osiyanasiyana ogonana, etc.)

8. Lekani kufananiza

Dr. Batra akugogomezera kuti: “Ngakhale ubale wanu womaliza utakhala wabwino komanso wakale wanu anali wabwino, musapite kokayembekezera kuti mupezanso munthu yemweyo, adzabwera ndi makhalidwe awoawo ndi zophophonya zawo ndipo ngati mutayesa kuwayika mu nkhungu inayake, sibwino kwa iwo. Inde, mukufunabe munthu wakhalidwe labwino amene amakuchitirani zabwino ndi kukusonyezani chikondi. Koma sadziwa zanu chinenero chachikondi komabe monga munthu wotsiriza adachitira. Mwachitsanzo, ngati akubweretserani maluwa koma mumakonda maluwa m'malo mwake, musatenge ulendo wopita kumalo okumbukira. Ingomuuzani munthu yemwe mumakonda maluwa bwino. 

9. Tengani pang'onopang'ono

Inde, tikudziwa kuti mwakwera ndi "Ndikufuna kuyambanso chibwenzi" mwachidwi, koma kumbukirani kutenga nthawi kudziwa munthu. Simukufuna kudzipereka kwa munthu wina kuti mudzanong'oneze bondo pambuyo pake ndiyeno mubwererenso. 

10. Kondwererani kukula kwanu

Kodi mumangokhalira kunena kuti, “Sindikudziwa kukhala ndi chibwenzi”? Osadandaula, palibe amene amatero. Ndi pachibwenzi, osati sayansi ya rocket - sichibwera ndi buku lokhazikika. Mukuloledwa kupotoza "malamulo" kuti agwirizane ndi zosowa zanu. Dr. Batra anati, “Mfundo yakuti mwayesapo sinthani nokha, pitirirani kuchokera m'mbuyomu ndipo yesetsani kukumana ndi anthu ndikuyenera kukondwerera. Choncho dzipaseni kumbuyo. Mukuyenera!”

Maganizo Final

Kuphunzira momwe mungayambirenso chibwenzi ndi ulendo wakukula ndi kufufuza. Maupangiri pachibwenzi awa amakulimbikitsani kukumbatira zachilendo zanu ndikuyandikira kulumikizana ndi malingaliro omasuka. Kaya mukudabwa kuti mungakhale bwanji pachibwenzi kapena kufunsa "Ndiyamba liti kukhala pachibwenzi?" kumbukirani kuti kuleza mtima ndi zowona zimatsogolera ku ubale wabwino. Kuyambitsa chibwenzi chatsopano kungakhale kochititsa mantha, koma sitepe iliyonse yomwe mukuchita imapanga chidaliro. Lowani ndi chiyembekezo, chidwi, ndi mtima wotseguka, ndipo mupeza chisangalalo cha kulumikizana kwenikweni.

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