Zibwenzi Zogonana: Tanthauzo, Zizindikiro, Ndi Malangizo Othetsa

Kufalitsa chikondi

Kodi munayamba mwamvapo kutopa kwambiri mutagonana ndi munthu wina? Kapena kodi kugonana ndi munthu wina kwatsegula zitseko za kulumikizana kwakukulu kwamaganizo? Ngati yankho ndi inde, izi zitha kukhala zizindikiro zomwe mukupanga maubwenzi auzimu pogonana. Kuti tidziwe bwino maubwenzi auzimu ndi momwe mphamvu zauzimu zimasinthirana panthawi yogonana, tinalankhula ndi mphunzitsi wa maubwenzi komanso wokhulupirira nyenyezi Nishi Ahlawat , yemwe ndi katswiri pa kuwerenga manambala ndi ma tarot.

Kodi Maubwenzi Ogonana Ndi Chiyani?

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Pofotokoza za maubwenzi ogonana, Nishi akuti, “Pali mgwirizano wa Mars ndi Venus m'matchati a anthu awiri omwe tingathe kupeza mgwirizano wamphamvu wa moyo wogonana pakati pawo.” Koma kodi miyoyo iwiri imalumikizana bwanji mutagonana? Mwina simukudziwa izi koma mphamvu zimasinthidwa panthawi yogonana, osati pamlingo wakuthupi wokha, komanso pamlingo wamaganizo, wamalingaliro, ndi wauzimu. Izi zitha kuchitika ndi mnzanu wapano, chibwenzi chakale kapena chibwenzi chakale, kapena ngakhale munthu amene mukugonana naye mwachisawawa.

Mwa kuyankhula kwina, kugonana ndi wina kungayambitse mgwirizano wozama wauzimu monga kugonana. Mutha kugwira / kulowetsa mkati mwazovulala za wokondedwa wanu, kusatetezeka, ndi mantha kudzera m'mabwenzi ogonanawa, osazindikira.

Psychotherapist Dr. Daniel Amen amatcha chodabwitsa ichi Limbic Bonding. Iye anati: “Anthu aŵiri angasankhe kugonana ‘pongofuna kungosangalala basi’ koma zinthu zikuchitika pamlingo wina umene mwina sakanaganizapo n’komwe: kugonana kumakulitsa unansi wamalingaliro pakati pawo kaya akufuna kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima kapena ayi.”

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Zizindikiro za Moyo Wogwirizana Pogonana

Kugonana kapena ngakhale kufika pachimake si nthawi zonse zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu akhale ndi moyo wogwirizana ndi kugonana. Koma mukagonana ndi munthu wina, mwayi woti munthu akhale ndi moyo wogwirizana ndi kugonana umawonjezeka kwambiri chifukwa thupi lanu limalumikizana ndi mzimu wauzimu. Nthawi zambiri, izi zimakhala ngati moyo wogwirizana ndi munthu wosauka. Nazi zizindikiro zina zosonyeza kuti mwakhala mukuchita chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mwakhala naye pachibwenzi:

1. Mumatengeka nazo

Kodi mumakhala ndi malingaliro opitilira muyeso / malingaliro amphamvu okhudza munthu ngakhale atakuuzani kuti alibenso chidwi ndi inu? Kodi mumamva kupweteka kwa mutu, kupweteka kwa m'mimba, kusagona usiku, ndi kusowa kwa njala pa akaunti yawo? Ichi chikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mwapanga ubale wa moyo.

Moyo womangirira ndi munthu ndi mgwirizano wozama womwe sungathe kufotokozedwa (monga ulusi wosaoneka / chingwe chophiphiritsira chomangirira anthu awiri pamodzi). Izi zikutanthauza kuti mumamvabe kuti muli omangika ndi mnzanu wogonana naye ndipo mumawalota nthawi zina, ngakhale simuli limodzi. Ziribe kanthu kuti yadutsa nthawi yochuluka bwanji, malingaliro anu pa munthu uyu ndi amphamvu kuposa momwe mumamvera kwa anthu ena m'moyo wanu.

Zizindikiro Kuti Muli ndi Maubwenzi a Moyo Pakugonana

Pakhoza kukhalanso zifukwa zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale maubwenzi amphamvu ogonana. Nishi akuti, “Zitha kukhala chifukwa cha mphamvu ya mfundo yakumpoto ya mwezi pa tchati cha munthuyo kapena mavuto ena omwe sanathetsedwe m'mbuyomu paubwenzi.” Kukonda kwambiri zinthu zosayenera kungayambitsidwenso ndi umunthu, kukhudzidwa ndi ubale wosayenera ndi ana, kapena mavuto omwe sanathetsedwe ndi anthu ofunika omwe akukhudzidwa ndi moyo wanu.

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2. Mwatenga makhalidwe awo oipa

Monga momwe kafukufuku akusonyezera, mahomoni ogwirizana otchedwa oxytocin amatulutsidwa panthawi yogonana. Ichi ndichifukwa chake mungakumane ndi maubwenzi ogonana ndi mnzanu. Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu yemweyo mobwerezabwereza kungapangitse kuti mukhale ndi chikondi chofanana ndi cha wina. Mwinanso mungapeze kuti mwalandira makhalidwe ena oipa a mnzanuyo. Chifukwa chake, nthawi zonse samalani momwe zimakhalira mukakumana ndi chibwenzi. Kodi mumakhumudwa? Kapena mukusangalala/muli ndi mphamvu?

3. Simungathe kuchoka

Kodi pali kusiyana kotani pakati pa maubwenzi auzimu a moyo, ogwirizana nawo moyo, ndi malawi a mapasa? Nishi akuti, “Ulendo wa ogwirizana nawo moyo ndi wosavuta poyerekeza ndi malawi a mapasa. Koma tikamagwiritsa ntchito mawu oti 'mangani' pofotokoza kulumikizana kwa moyo, zimatanthauza kuti sitili omasuka. Kenako, umakhala ubale wa karmic .”

Ndipo, chifukwa cha ubale wa karmic uwu, simungathe kusiya kulumikizana ndi moyo wanu, ngakhale mutadziwa kuti simukusangalala. Mtundu uwu waubwenzi wopanda thanzi umakupangitsani kukhala mopitilira muyeso, ngakhale mnzako akukulamulirani / kuwongolera, ndipo ndi chimodzi mwazizindikiro zazikulu za ubale wapamtima.

4. Mumawalakalaka

Kudziwa kuti mumawalakalaka (ngakhale zitanthauza kuvutika ndi ululu wa chikondi chosabwezera) kungakhale chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mwapanga maubwenzi auzimu ogonana. Mwina, kugonana kwatha koma osati malingaliro osatha okhudza iwo. Kapena mwina mukumvabe kulumikizana kwauzimu ndi "amene wapulumuka."

Nishi akuti, "Zinthu zambiri zimaseweredwa mukafuna kuvomerezedwa ndi wina - ulendo wa moyo wanu, mphamvu zanu zakugonana, komanso kukopeka kwambiri pakugonana ndi munthu winayo."

5. Mukuvutika kupanga maubwenzi abwino ndi ena

Ngati mukupeza kuti zikukuvutani kupanga maubwenzi abwino ndi ena mutagonana, ichi chikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mwapanga chiyanjano. Mwatanganidwa kwambiri ndi mnzako wapamtima (chifukwa cha kugwirizana) kotero kuti simungathe kuchoka pa iwo.

RC Blakes, Jr. akulemba m'buku lake lakuti, Soul-Ties: Breaking the Ties That Bind , kuti, “Zina mwa zotsatira za ma soul-ties ndi izi: kudziona kuti ndi wosafunika , kulephera kukhala paubwenzi ndi wina ndi mnzake, komanso kuona molakwika tanthauzo la chikondi.”

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6. Mumasinthasintha kwambiri m'maganizo

Ngati mukukumana ndi mavuto aakulu okhudzana ndi wokondedwa wanu, izi zitha kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu za ubale wauzimu. Kusintha kwakukulu kumeneku kungawoneke ngati chisangalalo pamene zinthu zikuyenda bwino kapena kutaya mtima kwakukulu mukakumana ndi mavuto kapena kulekana. Kusokonezeka maganizo kumeneku pamene miyoyo iwiri yalumikizana kungasonyeze mgwirizano wamphamvu komanso wosayenera womwe umapitirira mbali yakuthupi ya ubalewo.

7. Mumagawana kulumikizana kwamatsenga

Kulumikizana kwauzimu kumaphatikizapo kumva malingaliro, malingaliro, kapena ngakhale malingaliro akuthupi a mnzanu wogonana naye, ngakhale mutakhala kutali. Ngati nthawi zonse mumamva malingaliro kapena malingaliro a mnzanuyo popanda kulankhulana mwachindunji, zitha kutanthauza mgwirizano wakuya wauzimu kapena kumva ubale wauzimu . Kulumikizana kumeneku komwe kumawoneka ngati kusintha moyo kungapangitse kuti zikhale zovuta kukhazikitsa malire ndikusunga malingaliro aumwini muubwenzi.

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8. Mumamva kutopa kapena kutopa mutakhala nawo limodzi

Ngati mumadzimva kukhala otopa nthawi zonse, m'maganizo, kapena m'thupi mutagonana ndi wokondedwa wanu, ichi chikhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha kugonana. Kutopa kumeneku kungakhale chifukwa cha kusinthanitsa kwamphamvu komwe kumachitika panthawi yapamtima pamene miyoyo iwiri ikugwirizana. Ndikofunika kusamala momwe mumamvera mutakhala ndi mnzanu kuti muwone ngati kugwirizanako kukulimbikitsani kapena kukuyambitsani chisokonezo.

9. Mumabwerera m'mbuyo ngakhale zotsatira zoipa

Kubwerera mosalekeza kwa ogonana nawo, ngakhale mutadziwa kuti ubalewu ndi woopsa kapena wovulaza ku thanzi lanu, ndi chizindikiro chodziwika bwino cha kugonana. Ngakhale kuti mukumvetsa zotsatirapo zake zoipa, mungakopeke mobwerezabwereza kuti mubwerere kwa munthuyo. Khalidweli likuwonetsa kulumikizana kozama kwamalingaliro ndi uzimu komwe kumapitilira kupanga zisankho zomveka, kuwonetsa kukhalapo kwa moyo wolimba.

Lingaliro la mzimu wa kugonana limachokera ku Chikristu. Baibulo limamasulira kuti kugonana kumabweretsa mgwirizano wamphamvu choncho ndi ntchito ya anthu okwatirana okha. Baibulo limanena za malonjezo a Mulungu, mgwirizano wa miyoyo yosaopa Mulungu, ndi “miyoyo iwiri, thupi limodzi”.

Komabe, kudzimana ufulu wofufuza za kugonana kwanu ndikukwaniritsa zosowa zanu zogonana mpaka mutakwatirana ndi lingaliro lachikale m'dziko lamakono. Kuyesa ndi anthu ambiri ndi chisankho chaumwini komanso chovomerezeka. Chomwe mungachite ndikuswa maubwenzi osalimba auzimu kuti musunge mphamvu zanu ndikuchepetsa kuchuluka kwa zinthu zosafunikira kapena zinyalala zamaganizo/zauzimu/zamaganizo zomwe mwakhala mukusonkhanitsa panjira. Izi zikuthandizani kupita patsogolo ndikupanga mtendere ndi zomwe mwakumana nazo kale.

Momwe Mungathetsere Maubwenzi a Moyo Pogonana

Pofotokoza momwe mungachotsere mgwirizano wa moyo , Nishi akugogomezera kuti, "Kukhululuka ndiye gawo loyamba pakuswa mgwirizano wa moyo. Kudula chingwe cha malingaliro ndiye chotsatira. Kenako kumabwera kuvomereza zomwe zili." Chifukwa chake, yambani ndi kukhululukira munthu amene wakukhumudwitsani, wakusokeretsani, kapena amene anakugwiritsani ntchito. Umu ndi momwe mungaswe mgwirizano wa moyo:

1. Kusinkhasinkha/kupemphera kuti mukhululukire

Monga sitepe yoyamba yothetsa zibwenzi, yesetsani kutsatira njira zotsatirazi tsiku lililonse kuti muthyole zomangira zopanda thanzi ndikuyika patsogolo kukhudzika kwanu:

Khalani chete ndi nsana wanu molunjika
Yang'anani pa mpweya wanu ndikuyitanitsa angelo / otsogolera auzimu kuti akuthandizeni
Tangoganizani kudula chingwe / chingwe chakumanga chomwe chimakumangani inu ndi moyo wanu
Onani m'maganizo kuwala koyera kwa chifundo ndi kukhululuka
Pumirani pang'ono ndikutsegula maso anu
Nenani pemphero lomwe mumakonda kapena mungothokoza

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2. Momwe mungathetsere ubale wapamtima - Dulani

Kodi mungathetse bwanji ubale wauzimu ndi munthu wakale? Khazikitsani malire . Simuyenera kuwaona, kuwatumizirana mameseji, kapena kuwayimbira foni. Simuyenera kuwatsata pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti. Muthanso kupewa kukumana ndi anzanu kapena achibale awo kwa kanthawi. Khalani ndi anzanu odalirika.

Komanso, taya mphatso zawo zonse kapena zinthu zomwe zimakukumbutsani. Ndikudziwa kuti ndi sitepe yoopsa koma ikhoza kukhala yovuta kuwotcha zinthuzo. Kapena mukhoza kungopereka iwo. Koma kwenikweni, siyani kuvala wotchi yomwe wakale wanu adakupatsani mphatso kapena kugona mu t-sheti yawo.

Lingaliro ndikuyamba kumasuka ku mphamvu zawo zoyipa kuti muchiritse malingaliro anu. Masulani malingaliro anu, chifuniro, ndi malingaliro anu ku chisonkhezero chawo. Ngati mukumva kuti mukukakamizika kukambirana komaliza ndi munthuyu, chitani kuti adziwe kuti kulumikizana kosayenera kumeneku kuyenera kutha kuti musagwere mumsampha womwewo ndikusokoneza moyo wanu.

3. Lembani maganizo anu muzolemba

Nthawi zonse mukakhala mdima, wotengeka mtima, komanso wapoizoni, zilembeni zonse m'magazini - Pali umboni wasayansi wofalitsa nkhani ndi wabwino kwambiri pakudzisamalira komanso kukula kwanu. Mudzamva kuti simukukakamizika kwambiri mukatulutsa malingaliro anu onse papepala. Mutha kuyilembanso ngati kalata kwa wakale wanu, yomwe simuyenera kutumiza.

Okhulupirira m'miyoyo yakale amati mgwirizano wa moyo uli ndi phunziro lobisika mkati mwake. Chifukwa chake, mwina, ubale wa mgwirizano wa moyo uwu ukhoza kukhala mwayi wophunzira, kukuphunzitsani momwe mungadziperekere ku chilengedwe chonse ndikusiya maubwenzi osagonana abwino. Mukamalemba zambiri, mumatha kumvetsetsa bwino zomwe izi zikuyesera kukuphunzitsani, motero kukuthandizani kuthetsa mgwirizano wa moyo.

4. Limbikitsani kudzidalira kwanu

Nishi anati: “Mawu oti poizoni nthaŵi zambiri amagwiritsidwa ntchito ponena za kugwirizana kosayenera kwa moyo. Ubwenzi ukatha, ukhoza kukuchotsera ulemu wako ndipo ungakupangitse kudzida moyo wako wonse.

Kuti mudzikhulupirirenso, chepetsani kulankhula zoipa. Lankhulani mawu olimbikitsa kwa inu nokha monga mawu abwino . Dzipatseni nthawi yochita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti mumve bwino pamene mukuphwanya mgwirizano wa moyo. Zingakhale kuvina, kupita ku masewera olimbitsa thupi, kapena kusewera badminton.

5. Momwe mungachotsere tayi ya moyo - Pezani thandizo la akatswiri

Kodi mukudabwabe momwe mungathetsere maubwenzi auzimu pogonana? Kuyesa kupeza njira yochotsera maubwenzi auzimu osafunikira si ntchito yophweka, makamaka ngati mukuchita nokha. Katswiri wa zamaganizo Sampreeti Das anati, “Chithandizo chamankhwala chingathandize kuthetsa mavuto ambiri omwe angabuke pankhani yothetsa chibwenzi.”

"Kupyolera mu chithandizo, mudzapeza malingaliro atsopano, kupeza zinthu zomwe sizinathetsedwe, kudziwa zomwe zikuyambitsa ndi momwe mungazilamulire, komanso kuphunzira kudzisamalira nokha ndi kukula kwanu."

Ngati panopa mukulimbana ndi maubwenzi amphamvu auzimu omwe simungathe kuwathetsa nokha, mabungwe azaumoyo a Bonobology angakuthandizeni pa nthawi yovutayi.

Zolozera Mfungulo

Mutha kukhala ndi ubale wauzimu ndi wokondedwa wanu popanda kuzindikira
Zomangira zambiri za mzimu zimamveka ngati kulumikizana kokhazikika pamlingo wakuthupi, wamalingaliro, komanso wauzimu
Maubwenzi amphamvu ngati awa amabwera m'moyo wanu kuti akupatseni chidwi chophunzira
Ubale wauzimu umakusiyani ndi chinyengo chakuti munthuyu amakumalizani
Maubwenzi apamtima oterowo amamveka ngati odziwika koma pamafunika kuwadula kuti musunge malingaliro anu
Mutha kugwiritsa ntchito njira monga kulemba, kupemphera kwa angelo / owongolera auzimu, komanso kusinkhasinkha kodula zingwe kuti mumasuke ku nyonga yogonana.

Pomaliza, mukapanga mgwirizano wa moyo, mvetsetsani ndikusanthula ngati ndi ubale wabwino kapena woopsa. Ngati ndi mgwirizano wabwino wa moyo, pitirizani kuuwona mokwanira. Koma ngati ndi mgwirizano wa moyo wopanda thanzi kapena woopsa, yesetsani kudzipatula kapena kuuchotsa chifukwa cha ubwino wanu.

Inde, tikudziwa kuti zomwe mudagawana komanso kulumikizana komwe mudamvapo m'zibwenzi zanu zam'mbuyomu ndizosamvetsetseka/zosasinthika. Koma pogwira munthu ameneyo kwamuyaya, mukudzitsekereza nokha ndikutsekereza madalitso anu. Tikukhulupirira kuti tsopano mukumvetsetsa bwino momwe mungachotsere mgwirizano wa mzimu, ndikuti zikuthandizani kuti mupange ubale watsopano m'moyo wanu.

Ibibazo

1. Kodi maubwenzi ogonana amakhudza amuna?

Inde, amuna amakhudzidwa mofanana ndi akazi pamene apanga ubale wapamtima. Koma amuna amakhala ochenjera kwambiri pochita zinthu ndi mzimu.

2. Kodi maubwenzi ogonana atha kukhala mbali imodzi?

Inde, chikondi chosayenerera chimafanana ndi kugwirizana kwa moyo umodzi. Mwinamwake, kugonana kwatha koma osati zongopeka zosatha zamaganizo za iwo. Kapena mwina mukumvabe kulumikizana kwauzimu ndi "iye amene wathawa".

3. Kodi chomangira mzimu wapoizoni ndi chiyani?

Moyo wapoizoni ndi womwe ungakupwetekeni m'maganizo, mwauzimu, kapena mwakuthupi. Popeza ndi chiwonetsero champhamvu cha kutengeka komwe mumamva kwa munthu, moyo wapoizoni ukhoza kusokoneza mbali zina za moyo wanu.

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