Urooj Ashfaq, wojambula woyimilira anali wolondola pamene anati, "Pali anthu awiri omwe ali paubwenzi wamba - munthu mmodzi ndi wamba ndipo wina ali pachibwenzi. Samauzana ". Ngati inu, monga iye, nthawi zonse mumatha kukhala munthu yemwe sali-wawamba * muubwenzi wamba, kudziwa kuti zizindikiro za ubale wamba zikuyamba kukhala zovuta kungapangitse masewera anu kukhala abwino.
Ubale wamba, momwe mulibe udindo wodzipereka ndipo palibe zolemba zilizonse zimamveka zosangalatsa komanso zolota pachiyambi pomwe mutangoyamba kuwona munthu. Koma mizere pakati pa "wamba" ndi "yowopsa" nthawi zambiri imasokonekera pakapita nthawi pamene mukuyandikira kwa munthu winayo.
Izi zitha kukusokonezani, komanso nthawi zina kukhumudwa kwambiri. Mungafune malo apakati pakati pa kugwirizana ndi kudzipereka ku chiyanjano. Koma, kodi izi zikutanthauza kuti mungawauze kuti mwawaphonya? Kodi mungawayitanire kuti atuluke mukakhala ndi tsiku loipa? Zoyenera kuchita ndi zotani zowonera munthu mwachisawawa?
Kodi mungatani kwenikweni muubwenzi wamba? Kodi mukuyenera kufotokoza zochuluka bwanji osamveka kuti mukufuna chinachake chachikulu koma osamveka kuti mukufuna kugonana? Ndipo chimachitika ndi chiyani mukayamba kugwidwa ndi kukhumudwa? Mafunso omwe amabwera ndi gawoli ndi opanda malire koma lero titha kukupatsani mayankho angapo.
Mumadziwa Bwanji Ngati Ubwenzi Wamba Uyamba Kukula?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Tonse timakumbukira filimuyo Abwenzi opeza cholowa kumene mabwenzi aŵiri amasankha kuti asamangokhalira kukondana koma kenako n’kuyamba kukondana. Iwo sanawonepo kwenikweni zizindikiro kuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kukula ndipo zinangokhala ngati zinachitika. Ichi ndi chiwembu cha nthabwala zachikondi zambiri komanso zomwe zimatha kuchitika zenizeni.
Mphindi imodzi, mumakonda osakhala ndi mkazi mmodzi ndikusunga zosankha zotseguka. Chotsatira, osazindikira, mumatha kumva kuti simukukhutira kapena kuipiraipira, "kugwiritsidwa ntchito". Chifukwa chake, mufunika mapu amsewu oyenera omwe amakuthandizani kudziwa ngati equation yanu ndiyabwino kapena ayi. Ndipo inde, nthawi zambiri, kugonana wamba kumakhala koopsa. Malinga ndi kafukufukuyu, kugonana mwachisawawa kapena kuyamba chibwenzi ndi ‘kugonana kokha’ kungachititse kuti mwamuna ndi mkaziyo azikondana kwambiri.
Chifukwa chomwe mumalowera mu chinthu chosavuta ndikuti ndinu osakonzekera chilichonse chovuta pa nthawiyo. Ndipo tadah, muli ndi vuto pa ubale ndi munthu yemwe simunakhale naye pachibwenzi. Kodi mungapewe bwanji kugwa mumsampha umenewu? Mwa kuyang'anitsitsa zizindikiro zomveka izi ubale wamba ukuyamba kukhala wovuta.
1. Kutengeka maganizo pa ubwenzi wapamtima
Ngati nonse mukumva kutengeka maganizo ponena za ubwenzi wakuthupi, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro chakuti muli pachibwenzi mosavomerezeka. Ngati pali maso ambiri pamene mukupanga kapena kukumbatirana kwautali ndi kukumbatirana kosatha, dziwani kuti bwato la "wamba" layenda kale. Ngati mukuyang'ana zizindikiro zomwe kugwirizana kwanu kumakukondani, ganizirani momwe amachitira mutagonana. Kodi pali kukumbatirana kwambiri? Kapena kulankhula zambiri za pillow?
Ngati nthawi zambiri akugwira dzanja lanu, kukupsompsonani pamphumi, ndipo akufuna kukhala nanu ngakhale pamene palibe kugonana, ndi chizindikiro chakuti akufuna kukhala ndi chibwenzi chenicheni. Kapena ngati akufuna kukumbatirana pambuyo pogonana, ndi chizindikiro chakuti zinthu sizilinso m’gawo wamba.
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2. Kukhala pachiwopsezo ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe akufuna kukhala ndi ubale weniweni
Dziwani kuti mukukhudzidwa muubwenzi wamba mukayamba kukhala pachiwopsezo wina ndi mnzake pazinthu zomwe zikukuvutitsani kapena m'malingaliro anu. Ngati mukukambirana nawo mozama komanso mochokera pansi pamtima za moyo, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro kuti ubale ukuyamba ndi munthuyu.
Malingana ndi Helen Fisher, katswiri wa sayansi ya zamoyo ndi Senior Research Fellow ku Kinsey Institute, Indiana University, kugonana kumabweretsa kutulutsidwa kwa dopamine mu ubongo, zomwe zingayambitse kugwa kwa wina. Mwa iye kuyankhulana, iye akufotokoza kuti, “Kufika pachimake pamakhala chigumula chenicheni cha oxytocin ndi vasopressin, makemikolo muubongo amene amagwirizanitsidwa ndi kugwirizana kwakukulu.”
Mukayamba kukopeka ndi munthu wina, mudzawona momwe mumakopeka naye. Ngati muwawona akukuitanani nthawi zonse mukaweruka kuntchito kapena kugawana nawo zakukhosi kwawo, dziwani kuti mwadutsa gawo la 'kungolumikizana'.
3. Mumamva ngati kuwauza kuti 'ndimakukonda' kapena 'ndimakukonda'
Ngati wina wa inu analakwitsa kunena 'Ndimakukondani' kapena kuunong'oneza pansi pa mpweya wanu, ndi chizindikiro chakuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kwambiri. Mumadziwa kuti amafuna zambiri ngati nthawi zonse amakuuzani momwe amakukonderani. Funso lomwe muyenera kudzifunsa ndilakuti—Kodi mumangocheza ndi munthuyo mwachisawawa kapena mukuyembekeza kuti pamapeto pake izi zidzatsogolera ku chinthu china chovuta kwambiri?
Kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zabodza ndi kusamvana kungakuwonongeni. Chifukwa chake, nthawi zonse ndikwabwino kunena moona mtima zakukhosi kwanu, ndi mnzanu komanso nokha. Khalani omveka bwino m'maganizo mwanu chifukwa chake muli pachibwenzi mwachisawawa komanso zomwe mukufunadi kwa munthu winayo. Apo ayi, zikhoza kuyambitsa chisokonezo chachikulu ndi zizindikiro zosakanikirana.
4. Kupatsana mphatso
Ngati mumakumbukira zinthu zing'onozing'ono za wina ndi mzake ndiyeno kusonyeza manja oyamikira, izi ndi zizindikiro kuti muli pachibwenzi mosavomerezeka. Ngati mupita kukagula zinthu ndikumaganizira za momwe chovala china chingawonekere pa iwo, ndi chizindikiro kuti muli pachibwenzi popanda kudziwa.
Ndiye ngati mwasokonekera ngati akufuna kukhala nanu momasuka kapena ayi, dziwani ngati akubweretserani mphatso. Ndipo mphatso zimenezi siziyenera kukhala zazikulu. Kuyambira kukutengerani smoothie mpaka kukugulirani thumba lomwe mudaliyang'anitsitsa, litha kukhala chilichonse. Ndipo, ngati mukuyembekezera tsiku lawo lobadwa ndipo mwakonzekera zonse zomwe mudzachita, zikutanthauza kuti mukupeza malingaliro muubwenzi wamba.
5. Kulankhula kwa maola ambiri usiku - Kodi ndi wamba kapena zambiri?
Ndithudi zambiri, zambiri! Monga mawu a nyimbo Usiku Wonse ndi JST FRNDS kupita, "..kwenikweni sayenera kutenga foni yanu, cuz mameseji kumabweretsa kulankhula ndi kulankhula kumabweretsa chikondi .." Ngati iye angakhoze kulankhula kwa maola ndi inu kwenikweni chilichonse pansi pa dzuwa, mwina ndi nthawi yoti adieu kusewera "oziziritsa ndi wamba" ndi kuvomereza kuti izi ndi zizindikiro wamba ubwenzi wayamba kwambiri.
Momwemonso, akamakutumizirani mameseji nthawi zonse ponena za zosintha zake zatsiku ndi tsiku, zimasonyeza kuti akufuna chibwenzi koma akuwopa kukutayani. Kuopa kukanidwa ndi mwayi woti simukumva chimodzimodzi kungakhale chifukwa chachikulu chomulepheretsa. Ngati akuwonetsa chidwi chenicheni pa moyo wanu, ndi chizindikiro chomwe akufuna ubale weniweni ndi inu. Ndipo, ngati amasamala mukamagawana naye nkhani zanu, ndi chizindikiro chakuti zibwenzi zapakhomo zasintha kwambiri.
6. Nsanje ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zakuti ubale wamba wayamba kukhala wovuta
Ngati kucheza ndi anyamata ena kumamuvutitsa kapena ngati amakutetezani nthawi zambiri, izi ndizizindikiro kuti ubale wamba wayamba kukula. Kupondereza kapena kukankhira pambali nsanje ndi dyera zitha kupangitsa kuwonongeka kochulukirapo kuposa kufotokoza malingaliro amenewo. Kodi mukuganiza kuti mukumva chisoni? Ndiye, muyenera kukwiya kwambiri chifukwa chocheza ndi zokonda zina.
Mfundo yonse ya chibwenzi wamba ndi sanali yekha ndi luso kuona mnzanuyo ndi anthu ena, kwenikweni, kapena pa chikhalidwe TV. Komabe, chimenecho si chinthu chophweka kuchita makamaka pamene muyamba kukopeka ndi winawake. Ngati ndinu munthu amene amachitira nsanje mosavuta ndi kukhala wodzikonda, mwina mukuyang'ana chinthu china choopsa kwambiri ndipo simunathe kukhala pachibwenzi wamba.
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7. Kuwadziwitsa abwenzi kapena achibale
Kutenga bwenzi lanu monga chowonjezera ku ukwati, phwando, kapena kusonkhana kwina kulikonse ndikuwaphatikiza mu gulu la anzanu kungakhale chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe ubale wamba ukuyamba. Anzanu akakhala paubwenzi kapena mutakhala paubwenzi ndi achibale awo, zinthu zikhoza kusokonekera pambuyo pake.
Inde, mukhoza kukumana kumalo ena osati kuchipinda chogona ndikuchita zinthu zosangalatsa pamodzi monga kugula, kuonera mafilimu kapena kupita ku khofi. Koma, ngati mukufuna kuwawonetsa kwa apamtima anu, ndi chizindikiro kuti mukupeza malingaliro muubwenzi wamba. Chifukwa chake zindikirani izi nthawi iliyonse yomwe mungathe ngati mukuda nkhawa kuti bwenzi lanu lolumikizana lingakhale mwa inu ndipo akufuna kukhala pachibwenzi mozama.
Kodi nthawi zambiri amakuitanani kuti muyende limodzi ndi anzake? Kodi anzake amakudziwani bwino? Ngati mukuganiza kuti 'inde' kwa izi, ganizirani zizindikiro izi akufuna kukhala paubwenzi waukulu ndi inu, ndi kuti wanu malire a abwenzi-ndi-mapindu zakokoloka mwalamulo.
8. Kulingalira za tsogolo limodzi nawo
Ngati akugwiritsa ntchito “ife” akamakamba za tsogolo, ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zoti akufuna kukhala ndi chibwenzi chenicheni. Kapena ngati nthawi zonse amalankhula nanu za zolinga zakutsogolo, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro kuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kukula. Ngati mnzanuyo ndi yekhayo amene akufuna chinachake chachikulu, muyenera kulankhula naye kuti pansi pamtima simunakonzekere kudzipereka. Ngati mutha kuwona tsogolo ndi iye, ndiye kuti muyenera kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu kuti nonse muzitha kuwombera.
Koma choyipa kwambiri chomwe mungachite ndikuwasunga nthawi yayitali. Izi sizidzangowapweteka chifukwa adzakhala akudikirira mpaka kalekale kuti mubwere koma zidzakupwetekaninso chifukwa kugwirizana kwapakati kapena ngakhale. chikondi cha mbali imodzi Zitha kukhala zosokoneza kwambiri (thupi likufuna china chake, mtima umafuna china), ndikupanga nkhani zaubwenzi m'kupita kwanthawi.
9. Kumenyana ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe zikusonyeza kuti ubale wamba wayamba kukula
Ngati nonse muli ndi ndewu ndikukambirana momvetsetsana, ndi chizindikiro kuti muli pachibwenzi mosavomerezeka ndipo palibe kukayika. Kodi ubale weniweni umatanthauza chiyani kwa mwamuna? Amathetsa ndewu m’malo mokusiyani chifukwa chofuna kukusungani m’moyo wake. Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati akufuna kukhala pachibwenzi chenicheni? Amapepesa pambuyo pa ndewu ndipo amaonetsetsa kuti asadzabwerezenso zolakwika zomwezo m'tsogolomu.
Momwemonso, ngati akutsutsana nanu, izi zikutanthauza kuti zingwe zikugwirizana. Ngati sakugwirizana ndi maganizo anu, ndiye kuti amasamala za maganizo anu poyamba. Ndi chizindikiro kuti akufuna chibwenzi chenicheni koma amawopa kuvomereza kwa iye kapena kwa inu.
10. Kuwasowa pamene ali kutali
Ngati wakusowa pamene simukuyankha kwa nthawi yayitali, ndi chizindikiro chakuti akufuna kukhala ndi chibwenzi chenicheni. Ndipo, ngati mukumva kufunika kobwezera ndikumutumizira mawu akuti "Ndakusowanso", ndiye kuti simuyenera kuyang'ananso zizindikiro zomwe ubale wamba ukuyamba.
Komanso, ngati zimamupweteka mtima mukamatuluka mtawuni, kapena ngati mumakwiya nthawi iliyonse akayiwala kukuyimbirani atakuuzani kuti adzachita, ndi zina mwa zizindikiro kuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kwambiri. Ngati mukufuna kulankhula nawo nthawi zonse ndipo nthawi zonse amakhala m'maganizo mwanu, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro kuti muli kale pachibwenzi popanda kudziwa.
Dziwani kuti mungakhale nazo adalowa mu equation chifukwa chogonana kapena mwanjira yosakhala yachikondi koma simuyenera kudzimenya nokha ngati mutha kukopeka. Simungathe kukonzekera gawo lililonse ndipo simungawone nthawi zonse ikubwera. Kukana sikungakupindulitseni ndipo pamapeto pake kungakupwetekeni.
11. Akuona maganizo anu
Ndi wamba kapena zambiri? Ngati funsoli likukudetsani nkhawa posachedwapa, yesani kuganizira mmene munthu winayo amakuonerani. Ngati atenga malingaliro anu pamabuku, nyimbo ndi makanema mozama, ndi chisonyezo kuti akufuna ubale weniweni ndi inu. Kapena ngakhale zazing'ono zomwe mumanena kapena kuchita zimamukhudza kwambiri, izi ndizizindikiro kuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kukula.
Mwachitsanzo, mudamuuza kuti mumakondadi Post Malone ndipo sakanachitira mwina koma kumvetsera nyimbo za ola limodzi usiku womwewo kuti atsimikizire kuti atha kukambirana nanu wojambulayo tsiku lotsatira. Ngati ayesetsa kuti amvetsetse kuti ndinu ndani komanso zomwe mumakonda, sizili kanthu koma kukhala pachibwenzi chongopeka.
Ngati pali kusalinganika kwa mphamvu mu ubale wanu wamba ndi mnzanuyo ndi zambiri maganizo padera, ndi wokongola mopanda chilungamo kuti ntchito maganizo awo ndi chiopsezo pa iwo. Kupezerapo mwayi pa chikondi cha wina kuti amugone ndi chinthu chopweteka kuchita. Ubale kukhala wamba sizitanthauza kuti mumangosewera kapena kusokoneza munthu.
12. Zizindikilo kuti ubale wamba ukuyamba kuyamikira zolakwa zawo
Muubwenzi wamba koma mukufuna zambiri? Chabwino, awona momwemo ngati mutayamba kuwayamikira kosatha. Ngati kuyamikirana wina ndi mzake kwadutsa kuyamikira kwachiphamaso chabe ponena za maonekedwe a thupi ndi kusirira kwambiri umunthu wawo, izi ndi zizindikiro kuti muli pachibwenzi mosadziwika.
Ngati muwona kuwona mtima m'maso mwawo akakuuzani kuti amakonda phokoso la kuseka kwanu, ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu kuti kugwirizana kwanu kumakukondani. Kapena ngati wayamba kusirira kukoma mtima kwanu kapena kuya kwanu, akugwerani momveka bwino.
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13. Simungathe kulingalira moyo wanu popanda iwo
Kukhala pachibwenzi wamba kutembenukira kwambiri kumawoneka motere. Ngati nonse simungayerekeze kukhala ndi moyo popanda wina ndi mzake, ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu kuti muli pachibwenzi mosavomerezeka. Ngati mwagawana nawo nkhani zaumwini zenizeni za zomwe mumakonda, banja, anzanu, kapena ubwana wanu, ndizotheka kwambiri kuti mwakulitsa ubale wanu wapamtima komanso wapamtima kwambiri ndi iwo.
Ngati nthawi zonse mumadzipeza mukubwereza zomwe mwakumana nazo mobwerezabwereza m'mutu mwanu, ndi chizindikiro chakuti muli pachibwenzi popanda kudziwa. Monga Edward Vilga akutilangiza m'buku lake Pansi Dog, "Musamawononge ndalama zambiri mwa munthu aliyense kuti muyambe kukondana naye mpaka mutu wanu uwonongeke.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Kukhala pachiwopsezo ndi iwo ndikuwauza kuti mumawakonda kungatanthauze kuti simulinso paubwenzi wamba
- Ngati mukuchita nsanje powawona akucheza kapena kukhala ndi munthu wina, mwadutsa gawo la 'wamba'
- Kodi mukulingalira za tsogolo limodzi nawo? Ngati ndi choncho, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe zikusonyeza kuti ubwenzi wanu wamba wasintha kwambiri
Ubale wamba ukhoza kukhala mlatho wabwino pakati pa kukhala mbeta ndi kudzipereka. Itha kukhala njira yabwino yoyesera madzi anu, kukumana ndi anthu atsopano ndikupeza zomwe mukufuna. Koma nthawi ndi nthawi, dzifunseni chifukwa chake muli paubwenzi wamba. Kodi munakhumudwa kwambiri moti simungathenso kudzipereka kwa wina? Kodi mukuyesera kubwereranso kwa wakale wanu? Kodi kugwirizana kwamalingaliro kumakuwopsyezani ndipo kuyanjana kwakuthupi kumakhala njira yolumikizirana ndi wina mwamalingaliro? Kodi mukuda nkhawa kuti akufuna zambiri kuposa wamba?
Malingana ngati mumalankhulana bwino ndikukhala osadzipweteka nokha ndi mnzanu, palibe cholakwika ndi kukhala pachibwenzi wamba. Ngati mwasokonezedwa ndi kusintha komwe mumamva muubwenzi wamba kapena wa mnzanu, alangizi pa gulu la Bonobology ingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi malingaliro awa momveka bwino.
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
