Luso ndi luso ochepa omwe ali nalo. Amuna ambiri, akamasuntha, amapita ku njira zoonekeratu zakuyandikira. Mzere wamphamvu wonyamulira, kapena wanthawi zonse, "Kodi ndingapeze nambala yanu?" Kuonekera pakati pa kukangana kwankhanza kumeneku ndi ntchito yovuta. Koma nazi njira 7 zokopa zokopa zomwe zingakutsimikizireni kuchita bwino popanda kuwonetsa zambiri ndikuwuza.
Ndi khama lolingaliridwa bwino pang'ono kuchokera kumapeto kwanu, mutha kukhala opambana pamakalabu ndi mipiringidzo. Chifukwa kumenyana ndi amayi sikovuta monga momwe mwapangidwira kuti mukhulupirire. Koma Hei, chokopa chobisika ndi chiyani kwenikweni? Tili pano kuti tiyankhe funsoli pothira nyemba pa zoyambitsa ndi njira zokopa.
Kodi Stealth Attraction N'chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mawu awa ndi omwe Richard La Ruina (wojambula waku London wojambula komanso woyambitsa maphunziro a PUA) adabwera nawo pomwe adaphunzitsa maphunziro ofikira azimayi kuti azilumikizana komanso malamulo a chibwenzi wamba. Richard La Ruina, wozembera (ndipo nthawi zina, wovuta) monga kale, amayang'ana malingaliro osazindikira a azimayi. Ankafuna kuloza zinthu zomwe akazi ankaziona kukhala zokopa koma osadziwa.
Ngakhale njira zowonekera (zachindunji) ndizofala masiku ano, kukopa kwachinsinsi kumagwiritsa ntchito njira zobisika (zobisika) zokopa mkazi. Chiphunzitso chake chinali ndi zigawo zisanu - mtengo wobisika, kutsegula mobisa, kunyengerera mobisa, kudzutsa chilakolako chobisa, ndi kuchotsa mwachinsinsi. Hmmm, zikumveka ngati ntchito yankhondo, sichoncho? M'malo mwake, tanthauzo lobisika m'mawu ankhondo ndikuti: "kuchita mwachinsinsi, kuti anthu asadziwe zomwe zikuchitika".
La Ruina adanena kuti njira zake zokopa ndi umboni wokanidwa. Ndipo zambiri maphunziro ena amawonetsa kuti mphamvu zopanda chidziwitso zimagwira ntchito yofunika kwambiri pakukopa anthu. Akazi amakonda kuona zinthu monga:
- Tsitsi lakumaso/kufanana kumaso
- Zovala
- kumwetulira
- Makhalidwe
- Kuyanjana kwa diso
Mu podcast yake, La Ruina adati, "Ngati mukufuna kunyengerera mkazi, ndiye kuti muyenera kulowa mwakuya. Ndipo ayi, sindikutanthauza kuti mwa kugonana. Zomwe ndikutanthauza ndikuti muyenera kuyang'ana kupyola zachiphamaso ndi zodziwikiratu ndikuzama mozama kuti mkazi ndi ndani. Kodi amakonda chiyani, zomwe sakonda, zomwe zimamuunikira, zilakolako zake zimagona kuti?"
Kuwerenga Kofanana: 18 Zidule Zosavuta Kuti Atsikana Azisamala
"Mukamvetsetsa kuti mkazi ndi ndani, kukopa kumakhala kosapeweka ndipo simasewera pomwe mukuyesera kupeza china chake." Pogwiritsa ntchito La Ruina ngati poyambira, tiyeni tifufuze mozama mawu okopa okopa. M'munsimu muli zidule zosavuta zomwe zimagwira ntchito. Mwakonzeka? Khazikitsani…Pitani!
7 Njira Zokopa Zomwe Mungagwiritse Ntchito
Monga tafotokozera, kukopa kwachinsinsi ndikwambiri. Zimagwira ntchito m'malingaliro a mkazi ndikumupangitsa kuganiza, "Hei, ndani UYO munthu?” Tsopano, chokopa chozemba chinapangidwa kuti chithandizire masitepe ausiku umodzi kapena ma hookups wamba.
Ndipo ngakhale kukongola kumatenga gawo lalikulu pakukopa, mndandandawu ndi wokulirapo m'malingaliro ake. Ndizosamveka kuyembekezera kuti washboard abs kuchokera kwa amuna onse - kukongola kopusa kumapita mbali zonse ziwiri. Ziribe kanthu kuti ndinu mnyamata wamtundu wanji, kapena mbiri yanu yotani, pulogalamu yokopa iyi ikhoza kukhala yothandiza.
Mwachitsanzo, ngati ndinu munthu wamanyazi, zingakuvuteni kusangalatsa akazi. Mwamuna wodzidalira ndi zomwe akuyang'ana. Koma kodi mungatani kuti mukhale odzidalira? Pumulani ndikusiya kuda nkhawa - si sayansi ya rocket! Tiyeni tiyambe kufufuza zitsanzo zothandiza.
1. Njira apa, ndi sitepe apo
Ndikafikiridwa ndi mlendo m’kafidi kapena ku kalabu, nthawi zambiri ndimakhala wokhumudwa pang’ono. Chifukwa ndili pakati pazachinthu, ndipo akuwoneka mwamatsenga mwamuna, akufunsa ngati ndikufuna chakumwa. Mwina ndiyenera kupeza chowiringula nthawi yomweyo, kapena ndingopita "ummm hmmm hmmm". Njira yodabwitsa yokopa anthu ndikupewa njira yachindunji iyi:
- Ngati mwayang'ana mtsikana pamalo omwe pali anthu ambiri, muyang'aneni m'maso, kumwetulira pang'ono, ndi kuyenda pafupi naye
- Pangani zokambirana za mzere umodzi pazachinthu chachilendo
- Perekani mphindi zolimba za 15-25 kuti adziwe za kukhalapo kwanu (ndipo mwinanso zolinga zanu)
- Ngati aona kuti alibe chidwi, sangabwezerenso manja anu
Mwanjira imeneyi, mutha kudziwa ngati amakukondani kapena ayi. Izi ndi mwanzeru kufunsa nambala yake chifukwa zidzamupatsa nthawi yoti aganizire (mosadziwa). Ngakhale zili choncho, simungamudabwe kotheratu. Psychology kumbuyo kwa izi ndi 'priming'. Malinga ndi chiphunzitsochi, chisonkhezero choyamba chimakhudza momwe munthu amayankhira ku chisonkhezero chachiwiri.
2. Kulankhula konse komanso kusaseweretsa kumapangitsa Jack kukhala mnyamata wopanda pake
Tiyeni tiwongole izi kamodzi kokha; chilankhulo cha thupi chimakhala ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri pakukopa. Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna amene amatha kuyang'anitsitsa mkazi ndi wotentha. Osathamangira kukalumikizana. Sangalalani ndi kuchuluka kwapang'onopang'ono kwa chemistry yayikulu kuchokera patali pang'ono ndikuwona zoyambitsa zokopa zayamba kuwotchedwa! Kumbukirani izi za kulumikizana kosagwiritsa ntchito mawu:
- Minofu yolimba, nsagwada zomanga, kapena mikono yopindika sizimamasuka kuziwona
- Sungani zanu thupi 'kutsegula' (ayi, izi sizikutanthauza kufalikira kwa anthu)
- Yang'anani ndi munthu amene mukulankhula naye, ndipo musatsatire mmbuyo/modekha
- Nenani tchizi ndikuyika kumwetulira kotentha / kokopa / konyansa pankhope yanu
M'mavidiyo ake a YouTube, Richard La Ruina amalankhula mwatsatanetsatane za kufunikira kwa mawu osalankhula. Amatsindika kuti uyenera kukhala wekha, ngakhale zitatanthawuza kuchita zopusa povina. Pamene mukuwonetsa kuti simudziganizira nokha, mukhoza kugwedeza kapena kukweza galasi lanu kuti muyankhe kuchokera kuphwanyidwa kwanu.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungafunsire Mtsikana Pa Chibwenzi - Malangizo 18 Omupangitsa Kuti Anene Inde
3. Osapita kukachita swoop
'Micro-escalation' ndi njira yobisika yofunikira. Tengani nthawi yanu, musathamangire. Ndikupereka zochitika zongopeka. Tsiku lanu langotha kumene ndipo mukuyenda kupita kugalimoto yake. Mukuganiza kuti nthawi yakwana yoti mupite kukapsompsona. Kodi mumayambitsa bwanji kukopeka kwa mkazi?
- Muyambe mwamuyamikira moona mtima
- Lolani maso anu kuyang'ana nkhope yake (MAKHANI ONKHA), kenako milomo yake
- Kenako, muyang'anitseni ndikumufunsa ngati mungamupsopsone
Ndiyo njira yoyenera - mufunseni (mawu okopa atha kukhala osavuta monga kutchula malingaliro / zokhumba zanu). Ngati mupeza kuwala kobiriwira, pitirirani. Kupsompsonana kumeneku kumakhala kwabwino kwambiri kuposa kutsamira mwachangu, mwadzidzi, komanso mosagwirizana. Sizimangopangitsa kulankhulana momveka bwino, komanso kumapangitsa kuti kugonana kwanu kukhale kotetezeka komanso komasuka. Kuvomereza pachibwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri, ndipo mwanjira iyi, kufunafuna chilolezo kumatha kukhala mawu anu okopa.
4. Ulamuliro wa mawonekedwe oyamba
Momwe munganyengere mkazi aliyense mu masekondi 60? Ngati tikukamba zaukadaulo, muli ndi gawo limodzi mwa magawo khumi amphindikati kuti muwoneke bwino (INDE!). Research zimawulula kuti zimangotengera gawo limodzi mwa magawo khumi a sekondi imodzi kuti apange chithunzi cha mlendo kuchokera pankhope pawo komanso kuti kuwonekera kwautali sikumasintha kwambiri mawonekedwewo. Mwina, ndichifukwa chake amati, kuganiza koyamba ndi komaliza.
Ndipotu, malinga ndi a phunziro, kukwanira kwa zovala za mwamuna kungakhudze mmene akazi amamuonera. Kafukufuku wina adavumbulutsa kuti chinthu china ngati miniti monga kudulidwa kwa suti yamunthu ndikofunikira! Chifukwa chake, amuna okondedwa, ukhondo wamunthu komanso kalembedwe ndi njira zokopa kwambiri zokopa. Ngati taphunzirapo kalikonse kuchokera ku yunivesite yojambula zithunzi motsogozedwa ndi Barney Stinson wa HIMYM, ndi upangiri wake wamawu awiri - "Suit up!"
Kuwonjezera pa ukhondo, a phunziro losindikizidwa mu Journal of Evolutionary Biology akusonyeza kuti akazi ankaona amuna okhala ndi ziputu zolemera kukhala okongola kwambiri powayerekezera ndi anzawo ometedwa ndi ndevu zonse. Chifukwa chake, zitha kuthandizira chifukwa chanu kukulitsa tsitsi la nkhope. Nawa maupangiri ena osavuta pakudzikongoletsa:
- Yesetsani kusamalira khungu / kudzisamalira nokha mphatso zodzisamalira
- Pangani ndalama zatsopano zogulira nsapato zoyera / nsapato zovala
- Pewani nsidze zanu / zitsitsimutseni kunyumba
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ndi Makhalidwe Otani Mwa Amuna Amakopa Akazi Kwambiri?
5. Kudzidalira: Kodi ndine wofunika?
Ndani amene sanade nkhawa asanakumane ndi munthu? Tonsefe timadzimva kukhala osatetezeka, chifukwa chake pamphumi pali clammy ndi palmu thukuta. Koma kudekha komanso kuyandikira kuda nkhawa kumeneku kumatha kukulepheretsani ndikusokoneza moyo wanu wachikondi. Pamsonkhano wake wachigawo wa ku Sweden, La Ruina anati: “N’zomvetsa chisoni kwambiri kubwerera kunyumba ndili ndi chisoni kuti kuyang’anana m’maso ndi chinthu chinanso!
Choncho, yesetsani kumanga kukhudzika kwanu ndi kudzidalira; ndichofunika chofunikira kuti muone momwe mungagwiritsire ntchito kukopa kwachinsinsi kuti mupindule. Sangakukane ngati usiya kudzikana. Mnzanga, Carl, anavutika ndi akazi oyandikira kwa nthawi yaitali kwambiri. Ngakhale pamene adatha kupita kwa iwo, ankangokhalira kunjenjemera kapena kuchita chibwibwi.
Koma anaganiza zothetsa vutoli pogwiritsa ntchito mawu odzitsimikizira okha. Anasiya kudziyerekezera ndi ena, zomwe zinamuchotsera zipsinjo zambiri. Ngati mukufuna peza mtsikana kuti azikukonda, kumbukirani kuti chidaliro ndi chimodzi mwa zinsinsi 7 za kukopa kwachinsinsi. Ndiye ukandifunsa kuti umayambitsa bwanji kukopeka kwa mkazi? Ndikunena, podziwa kuti mungathe.
Mu podcast yake, La Ruina adati, "N'zosavuta kukhala omasuka. Kuchita zinthu zomwezo tsiku ndi tsiku. Kuti mukhale osakhazikika chifukwa n'zosavuta ndipo sizifuna kuyesetsa kwamalingaliro. Koma ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi moyo mokwanira, muyenera kulowa mkati ndikuwona dziko lomwe tikukhalamo. Chokani mu kuwira kwanu ndikupita kukayesa zinthu zatsopano:
- Phunzirani kuvina
- Phunzirani kuphika
- Nyamulani gitala lakale lomwe munalisiya lili mozungulira
- Tengani maphunziro
- Yambitsani dimba”
6. Khalani munthu wachinsinsi
Kugawana mochulukira kungakhale vuto la machesi omwe angakhalepo. Chonde siyani kufotokoza nkhani za moyo wanu kwa munthu amene mwangokumana naye kumene. Muloleni iye aganize, "Ndikudabwa zomwe ziri mu malingaliro ake? Kodi iye amandikonda ine mokwanira?" Osataya momwe mumasangalalira chifukwa mudzawoneka wosimidwa. Chinsinsi nthawi zonse chimakulitsa zomwe anthu awiri amagawana; imabwereketsa vibe yachigololo pakukonzekera. Musanadziwe, a zizindikiro za kukopana zidzakhala zovuta kunyalanyaza. Yesani malangizo othandiza awa:
- Gwiritsani ntchito mawu okopa ngati, "Mwandikokera"
- Onjezani mawu osalankhula monga kuyang'ana, kukhudza ndi kumwetulira
- Yesani kumanga ubale mwa kukhala womvetsera wabwino
chimodzi phunziro wochitidwa ndi Faye Doell (2003) adawonetsa kuti pali mitundu iwiri yosiyana ya kumvetsera: "kumvetsera kuti mumvetse" ndi "kumvetsera kuti muyankhe". Iwo amene “akumva kuti amvetse” amakhala ndi chikhutiro chokulirapo mu maunansi awo ndi anthu ena kuposa ena. Ngakhale anthu angaganize kuti akumvetsera kuti amvetse, zomwe akuchita ndikudikirira kuti ayankhe.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 13 Osavuta Odabwitsa Omwe Mungapangire Munthu Kukondana Nanu
7. Zolinga zomveka bwino
Mungathe kupeŵa zovuta za m'mawa mwa kukhala omveka bwino kuyambira pachiyambi. Kodi ndi kulumikizana komwe mukufuna kapena zina? Kaya muli ndi zolinga zotani, khalani olunjika ndi moona mtima pozifotokoza. Palibe mkazi amene ayenera kumva kuti ananyengedwa kuti agone nawe. Ngakhale a phunziro zimasonyeza kuti anthu oona mtima amaoneka kuti ndi okongola kwambiri chifukwa cha kusazindikira kwathu.
Inde, atsikana amakonda anyamata owona mtima. Ndipo amakonda anyamata omwe amawayamikira moona mtima ndi mawu okopa okopa. Kotero, apa pali mawu 7 achinyengo omwe pangitsa mkazi aliyense kukufuna iwe:
- "Ndimakonda momwe maso anu amawalira"
- “Ndikamaganizira kumwetulira kwako kumandichititsa mantha”
- "Ndikufuna iwe moyipa pompano"
Ubwino ndi kuipa kwa Stealth Attraction
Pulogalamu yapachiyambi yokopa anthu inali yongoganizira za momwe anganyengerere akazi ndi kugonekedwa. Ichi ndichifukwa chake anthu ambiri amawona ngati 'chinyengo' chokopa. Kuti timvetsetse momwe njira yonyengelera iyi imakhalira, tiyeni tiwone mbali ziwirizi zikafika pamachitidwe oyambilira a La Ruina. Chifukwa chake, nayi ndemanga yokopa yomwe mukufuna:
| ubwino | kuipa |
| Kunyengerera mwachinyengo ndi umboni wokana | Ndi chibwenzi upangiri Buku luso zokopa |
| Amapatsa mkazi mawu odzutsa chilakolako | Mkazi wodzilemekeza anganene kuti ndiwe wonyenga |
| Wonyengerera wobera amadziwa zidule za dongosolo | Amaphunzitsa kupeza pompopompo m'malo mwa maubale aakulu |
| Kutumizirana mameseji mozemba kumayandikira nkhawa | Tanthauzo la Stealth/3 kukopa kwachiwiri kumachepetsa kuyenda kwa organic |
Koma, kutenga kwathu kukopa kwachinsinsi sikufuna kuti mukhale ozembera. Zomwe muyenera kuchita ndikudzilimbitsa nokha ndikudzikonzekeretsa bwino. Simuyenera kuchita 'masewera' kuti mupeze mkazi. Mukungoyenera kukhala mtundu wabwino kwambiri wa inu nokha.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Kalankhulidwe kabwino ka thupi ndiye chinsinsi chokopa kwambiri
- Kuti mupeze mwayi wopezeka pompopompo, muyenera kuyesetsa kudzidalira kwanu
- Chokopa chobera chili ndi zabwino ndi zoyipa
- Kaya ndikulemberana mameseji mobisa kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mawu okopa pamaso panu, ndikofunikira kukhala oona mtima pazolinga zanu.
- Ngakhale mawu achinsinsi okopa ndi othandiza, ndizosavuta kuwagwiritsa ntchito molakwika kuti mupindule. Ndicho chifukwa chake muyenera kudziwa kusiyana pakati pa kukopa munthu mobisa ndi kumusokoneza
Pano tikufika kumapeto kwa zinsinsi zathu 7 za kukopa kwachinsinsi. Ndikhulupilira, pofika pano, muli ndi yankho la mafunso ngati "Kodi kukopa kwachinyengo kumagwiradi ntchito?" kapena "Mmene mungagwiritsire ntchito kukopa kwachinsinsi uwu mtsikana?". Chofunikira kwambiri ndi - kubisa > mowonekera, ndikukomoka > kuzindikira. Thupi lochuluka, kuyankhula kochepa! Khalani omasuka kubweranso kwa ife kuti mudzalandire malangizo okhudza kukopa, chibwenzi, maubwenzi, ndi chirichonse.
Tiyeni titsirize ndi mawu a Richard La Ruina, akuti: “Maluso amene mumaphunzira popita madeti adzamasuliridwa m’mbali zonse za moyo wanu.” Kumvetsetsa mmene mungapitirizire kukambirana kudzakuthandizani kukulitsa gulu lanu la anthu ocheza nawo, ndiponso kuphunzira kuthana ndi kukanidwa kudzakuthandizani kukhala wosakhazikika pa chilichonse chimene mungafune kuchita.”
Ibibazo
Mutha kugwiritsa ntchito mawu atatu okha kuti mkazi akufuneni. Ngati ndi nkhani ya nkhawa ndi wakale wanu, ingolembani "Mukukumbukira izi?". Kapena “chithunzichi chikundikumbutsa nthawi zabwino.” Palinso funso la mawu anayi a Michael Fiore omwe mwamuna aliyense amadana nawo kuti "Kodi umandikonda?" chifukwa zimatengera iwo nkhawa za ubale.
Ngati akuyang'anani nthawi yayitali kapena kuseka nthabwala zanu zoyipa, izi ndizizindikiro kuti mkazi amakopeka nanu. Komanso, ngati 'mwangozi' akukhudzani kwambiri kapena akufuna kukhala nokha ndi inu, ali ndi maso anu pa inu, mumsewu wotanganidwa wa amuna akumumenya.
Inde ndipo chinsinsi chimodzi chokopa ndikuwonetsa azungu angale. Mphunzitsi wa ubale Swaty Prakash limati: “Kumwetulira chifukwa kumasonyeza umunthu waubwenzi ndi waubwenzi.
In phunziro limodzi yochitidwa ndi katswiri wazachuma Raymond Fisman ndi anzake a ku Columbia University, amuna ndi akazi 392 osakwatiwa anaitanidwa kutenga nawo mbali pa liwiro chibwenzi chochitika. Aliyense adapita pakati pa 10 ndi 20 mphindi zothamanga za mphindi zinayi. Kenako anatchula kukongola, luntha, ndi chikhumbo cha munthu aliyense amene anakumana naye. Zotsatira za kafukufukuyu zikuwonetsa kuti amayi amasamala zanzeru mowirikiza kawiri kuposa amuna. Choncho, kukhala wanzeru ndithudi kumapangitsa kuti pakhale mndandanda wa makhalidwe a munthu wabwino, kuchokera kwa mkazi.
Malangizo 20 Oti Muyandikire Msungwana Ndipo Mupindule Mtima Wake
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
