15 Njira Zanzeru Zopangira Mnyamata Kukhala Wansanje

Kufalitsa chikondi

Ndi masewera ochita nsanje osamutaya. Sewerani bwino, ikhoza kukhala mphamvu yanu yayikulu. Sewerani molakwika, ikhoza kubwereranso moyipa kwambiri. Mutha kumubwezeranso kapena kutaya chikhulupiriro chake pakuchitapo kanthu. Kotero, momwe mungapangire mnyamata nsanje kuchuluka kwake? Kodi kukhala wochenjera ndi wanzeru pa izo? Ndipo, chofunika kwambiri, n’chifukwa chiyani mukumuchitira nsanje poyambirira?

Nthawi ndi nthawi, mnyamata akhoza kukhumudwa ndikuyamba kutenga chikondi chanu mopepuka pambuyo pomaliza 'kuthamangitsa'. Izi zikachitika, palibe vuto pomugwedeza pang'ono kuti akope chidwi chake. Koma kodi mungamupangitse bwanji bwenzi lanu kukhala nsanje popanda kuwoneka ngati woipa yemwe amakonda kuvulaza dala bwenzi lake? Tiyeni tifufuze.

Momwe Nsanje Imagwirira Ntchito - Sayansi

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Mukukumbukira momwe muli mwana, chidole china chokha chikanakhala chokopa kwambiri kwa inu pamene mbale wanu ankachifuna? Umu ndi momwe nsanje imagwirira ntchito - mumakhala wofunika kwambiri pamaso pake akaona kuti enanso akukufunani. Mlingo wobisika wa nsanje ungamupangitse kuzindikira momwe aliri ndi mwayi komanso woyamikira kukhala nanu m'moyo wake.

Ndi khalidwe lachikale laumunthu - mukufuna chinachake choipa, mumapita kuti mukachipeze. Mukakhala nacho, mumayiwala momwe mumachifunira moyipa komanso khama lomwe mudapanga kuti mukwaniritse cholinga chanu! Apa nsanje imagwira ntchito ngati chikumbutso chofatsa kuti muwongolere zomwe mumakonda ndikuyamikira zomwe (kapena ndani) ndizofunikira.

Kafukufuku wochitidwa pa ophunzira aku koleji omwe ali pachibwenzi asanakwatirane kuti apeze mgwirizano pakati pa nsanje ndi kuyandikana kwa ubale adafotokoza zabwino ndi zoyipa za nsanje yachikondi, zomwe zidawonetsa bwino kuti nsanje yamalingaliro/yochitapo kanthu nthawi zambiri ndi yabwino komanso nsanje yoganiza/yokayikitsa ndi yoipa.

“Nsanje pang'ono muubwenzi wabwino ndi yabwino,” akutero katswiri wa zamoyo Helen Fisher, Ph.D., wolemba buku lakuti Why We Love , “Idzakudzutsani. Mukakumbutsidwa kuti mnzanu ndi wokongola komanso kuti muli ndi mwayi, zingakulimbikitseni kukhala wokoma mtima komanso wochezeka. Komabe, nsanje ikakhala yosatha, yofooketsa, komanso yowonekera - chabwino, pamenepo imakhala vuto.”

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chimapangitsa munthu nsanje ndi chiyani?

Kuyambitsa nsanje kuti pakhale moyo paubwenzi ndi imodzi mwa njira zakale kwambiri m'bukuli. Nthawi zambiri amayi amagwiritsa ntchito njirayi chifukwa imakhala yotsimikizika ngati ichitidwa mochenjera. Kaya mwamuna kapena mkazi, sizitengera zambiri kukanikiza batani loyenera ndikuyambitsa nsanje kuti mupatse wokondedwa wanu epiphany yofunika kwambiri pazomwe akuphonya ponyalanyaza inu.

Kaya ali otetezeka bwanji muubwenzi, pali zinthu zingapo zomwe mungachite zomwe zimapangitsa amuna kukhala ndi nsanje. Mwachitsanzo, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit amatchula chinthu chimodzi chomwe chimayenda mofulumira kuposa kuwala ndipo chimakhudza amuna mwamphamvu, "Kukopana ndi amuna ena. Akazi nthawi zambiri amanena kuti amangocheza ndi ena ndipo amagwiritsa ntchito chifukwa chilichonse, koma kwa ine, ndi zopanda pake. Inde, mwina alibe cholinga chochita chilichonse koma ndi ulemu waukulu."

Kungoti akuthera nthawi yambiri akusewera masewera ake apakompyuta kuposa inu sizikutanthauza kuti akufunafuna njira yothawira. Mwina akufunika kukumbutsidwa za kukhalapo kwanu komanso kuti ubale uliwonse umapulumuka ngati onse awiri akuyesetsa mofanana.

Tisanakufotokozereni zomwe zingamupangitse nsanje mwamuna wanu, muyenera kudziwa kaye chibadwa chake. Ngati ali ndi vuto losasinthika m'thupi lake, nsanje imatha kuyambitsa zinthu zina zowononga zomwe simukufuna kuchita nazo. Apo ayi, palibe vuto kumupatsa mlingo wa mankhwala akeake ndipo nazi njira zina zomwe mungachitire:

Kuchita mosasamala komanso osamupatsa chidwi ndi chikondi
Kukhala moyo wanu malinga ndi zofuna zanu osati kukhala odalira pa iye
Kuletsa madeti mphindi yomaliza
Osakhala amene amayimba ndi kulemba mameseji poyamba
Tsatanetsatane wa maubwenzi omwe munagonana nawo m'mbuyomu ndi mabwenzi anu
Kupereka chidwi kwa mwamuna wina aliyense m'moyo wanu kupatula iye
Kuletsa kugonana

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 9 za Kusakhutira Mu Ubwenzi

Njira Zopangira Munthu Wanu Kukhala Wansanje Ndi Kukufunani Zambiri

Mlembi Mwanandeke Kindembo anati “popanda nsanje, lawi la chikondi lizimitsidwa, nsanje ndiyo gwero la maubwenzi ndi ukwati. Monga momwe Kindembo akunenera, pali mzere wochepa kwambiri pakati pa nsanje ndi kaduka. Kaduka ndi kusakhala ndi khalidwe limene mnzanuyo amayamikira mwa ena. Komabe, nsanje ndi lingaliro lakuti chinachake kapena munthu amene mumamukonda ali pachiopsezo cholandidwa.

Musanapite patsogolo ndikuyang'ana njira zoti mupangitse munthu kukhala ndi nsanje, kumbukirani kuti ndi chinthu chimodzi kumupangitsa kukhala ndi nsanje mwanjira yokongola koma zimatha kusanduka masewera oopsa ngati ali munthu wosamala kapena simukudziwa komwe mungamuletsere. Mfundo si kumupangitsa kumva kuti akusowa kanthu. M'malo mwake mukufuna kumuletsa kuti asakunyalanyazeni ndikukutengani ngati simukusamala . Ndiye, mungamupangitse bwanji munthu kukhala ndi nsanje? Nazi njira 15 zanzeru:

1. Kuvala

Ngakhale kuti si nzeru nthawi zonse kupanga nsanje chibwenzi chanu paubwenzi wautali, uyu ndi ofunika kuwomberedwa ngati anaphonya mafoni anu masiku atatu motsatizana. Kuvala chinachake achigololo kwa phwando kuchita chinyengo anapatsidwa kuti akuona zithunzi. Chovala chopanda msana chija ndi chamanyazi kwambiri kuvala? Valani ndi misomali diso losuta.

Adzagwa pansi akuganiza kuti akuphonya. Zidzamupha kuganiza kuti anyamata onse akukuyang'anani. Koma ndikhulupirireni, FOMO yaying'ono siivulaza aliyense. Nsanje yathanzi si chinthu choipa kwenikweni.

2. Mungamupangitse bwanji chibwenzi chanu nsanje? Gwiritsani ntchito malo ochezera a pa Intaneti mwanzeru

Kuyika nkhani pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi njira yochenjera yomupangira nsanje ndikukufunani zambiri. Spam Instagram yanu pokweza mphindi zowala kuchokera pausiku wa atsikana anu. Muuzeni kuti dziko lanu silidalira iye komanso kuti mungathe kuchita bwino nokha. Iye amakuonani mopepuka chifukwa nthawi zina amaganiza kuti simungathe kuchita popanda iye ndipo pamapeto a tsiku mudzayenera kubwereranso kwa iye ngakhale atakhala bwanji.

Kotero, ndi nthawi yoti mumuwonetse kudzera mu zochita zanu kuti muli ndi moyo wanu ndipo kuyanjana kwanu sikuyamba ndi iye yekha. Izi zidzasunga chibwenzi chanu chikuyang'anani akadziwa kuti si iye yekha amene akukupatsani chimwemwe. Akangozindikira kuti malo ake m'moyo wanu akuchepa, adzagwira ntchito molimbika. Kumuwonetsa kuti muli osangalala popanda iye kungakhale nsanje yobisika yomwe ingamupangitse kukutsatirani.

3. Muwonetseni DM yokopa kuchokera kwa wina

Osamusisita kumaso koma wina akakugunda, ukhoza mwachipongwe kumakambilana ndi bwenzi lako ndikuyambitsa nsanje. Kuti mupangitse munthu nsanje, mutha kunena ngati, "Hei, Marshall adandidziwitsa zawonetsero zatsopanozi zomwe zimatchedwa Euphoria, ndizabwino kwambiri."

Kumbukirani, ziyenera kukhala kungotchula pang'ono chabe. MUSAKHALE opusa. Munthu akalowa mu DM yanu ndi mzere wosalala wonyamula , jambulani chithunzi ndikutumiza kwa iye. Zikumveka zoyipa? Mwina pang'ono. Koma posachedwa, adzakhala olimba ndikumanga mapewa. Umu ndi momwe mumagwiritsira ntchito nsanje kuti mupindule.

4. Kukhala paubwenzi ndi anzake

Kodi mungamupangitse bwanji chibwenzi chanu kuchita nsanje? Sekani mokweza nthabwala za mnzanu wapamtima. Perekani chidwi chambiri kwa mnzake wina kuposa anzake. Zidzamuyatsa moto. Musachite mopitirira muyeso kapena mudzawoneka ngati wopusa. Limbikitsani anzake achimuna kuti akukondeni ndikukupatsani chidwi. Kumbukirani, mukayamba kusewera masewerawa, nayenso angachite chimodzimodzi. Choncho mnzanu akamacheza ndi ena paphwando lomwe lili patsogolo panu, onetsetsani kuti mwaluma lilime lanu ndikuchepetsa mkwiyo wanu. Musakhale wachinyengo, chabwino?

chitira nsanje mwamuna wako — Seka mokweza nthabwala za bwenzi lake lapamtima

5. Mayankho mochedwa

Kukhala pa intaneti komanso osayankha kungakhale njira yolimba yopangira nsanje mnzanu. Musamachite izi tsiku lililonse. Simukufuna kumukhumudwitsa kwambiri. Koma nthawi zina, kuyankha mochedwa kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Ngati mukuona kuti palibe posachedwapa, palibe cholakwika ndi kubwerera m'mbuyo. Chitani zotsika mtengo komanso zotanganidwa kwakanthawi kochepa.

Kafukufuku wokhudza ukwati wotchedwa The Early Years of Marriage Project , womwe wakhala ukutsatira mabanja 373 omwewo kwa zaka zoposa 25, adapeza kuti kusowa chinsinsi kapena nthawi yochitira zinthu payekha kunapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wosasangalatsa. Chifukwa chake, kuchita zinthu motanganidwa popanda kuchita mwano kungathandize kwambiri ngati njira yodzipatula. Koma onetsetsani kuti sizikupitirira kukhala kungokhala chete kapena kusokonezana.

6. Kukomoka chifukwa chophwanya anthu otchuka

Tom Cruise, sichoncho? Kulankhula za kuphwanya otchuka kungapangitse mwamuna wanu kuchita nsanje bwino kuposa momwe mukuganizira. Amayi anga sakondabe Meryl Streep chifukwa abambo anga anali ndi chithunzi choseketsa cha Streep mchipinda chawo m'masiku aku koleji. Ngakhale zimamveka ngati zoseketsa, mutha kupanga nsanje yanu yatsopano kukhala nsanje mwa njira yokongola pochita kuphwanya anthu otchuka. Ndipo ndi chinyengo ichi chosalakwa, simuyenera kudandaula za "Ndinayesa kumuchitira nsanje ndipo zinabwerera" chifukwa zinthu sizidzatha.

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7. Mpangitseni kuti agwire ntchito kuti mumvetsere

Mukukumbukira nthawi imene simunayambe chibwenzi ndipo nonse munali mabwenzi chabe kapena mukulankhulana? Ankachita chilichonse kuti akope chidwi chanu ndikupangira malo ake kunja kwa malo ochezera , sichoncho? Nayi masewera achinyengo kuti mukumbukire masiku amenewo. Kusewera molimbika kuti mupeze kungampangitse kukutsatirani monga kale.

Chotero pamene mupita naye kuphwando, perekani chisamaliro chanu kwa ena. Lankhulani ndi anthu ena, kucheza nawo, kuvina, ndi kumasuka nawo. Lolani kuti akuoneni chapatali ndi kusirira mmene mumachitira zinthu ndi anthu. Muloleni iye potsirizira pake abwere kwa inu. Zili ngati masewera osangalatsa amasewera omwe angakufikitseni awiri oyandikira kumapeto.

8. Musonyezeni kwa anzanu achimuna

Mpangitseni nsanje pomudziwitsa za zigawenga zanu. Ngati pali wina amene amakukondani kapena wakufunsani, ndibwino! Tiyerekeze kuti mnzako Paulo amakukondani kwambiri. Mnyamata wanu akazindikira momwe Paulo amakuwonerani, zimamupangitsa nsanje ndikukufunani zambiri. Pewani ngati cholinga chanu chokha ndikumuzunza ... izi zitha kukhala zina mwa zizindikiro zaubwenzi woyipa. Koma ngati achita ngati chibwenzi chosayamika, muyenera kumuthandiza kuzindikira kuti si mwamuna yekhayo padzikoli.

9. Musamupemphe thandizo

Ngati bwenzi lanu lachimuna la alpha limakonda kuchita 'ngwazi' kapena 'mpulumutsi' nthawi zonse, musamufunse kuti akuthandizeni kwakanthawi. Ndipo mukadaphwanya malamulo a momwe mungapangire munthu nsanje. Zomwe muyenera kuchita ndikumupangitsa kuti azimva ngati chinthu chomwe mungachipeze m'moyo wanu. Mukufuna kupita kukagula zinthu mwachangu? Tengani bwenzi lokongola. Mukufuna wina kuti akuperekezeni kwa dokotala? Funsani mnzanuyo kuti apite nanu. Kapena ingopitani nokha.

Iyi ndi imodzi mwa njira zabwino kwambiri zomupangira nsanje popanda kumutaya ndipo adzabwera musanadziwe. Ngakhale nsanje, yomwe ndi yoopsa kwambiri, ingawononge kudzidalira kwa munthu ndipo angayambe kudzikayikira, poganiza kuti si wabwino mokwanira. Choncho, onetsetsani kuti mwachita mosamala, apo ayi, nsanje m'maubwenzi ingatanthauze ndewu zoyipa, masewera obwezera, ndi zina zambiri.

10. Mwachisawawa tchulani wakale wanu

Osamuuza bwenzi lako kuti wasowa ex wako kapena kuti ukufuna kuti abwerere. Yeez, imeneyo ikanakhala yankhanza ndi yosalungama! Ndiye, mungamupangitse bwanji chibwenzi chanu nsanje? Ndi kutchula wamba wanu wakale pakati kukambirana. Mwachitsanzo, "Hei, ndikuganiza kuti ndakhala ndikukhalapo kale ndi wakale wanga." Apanso, cholinga pano sikuli kupaka pankhope pake koma kumutulutsa m’maganizo odekha omwe akugwetsa ubale wanu m’dziwe loyima.

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11. Osachita ngati akukopana

Izi zidzamupangitsa kukhala wamisala. Akamaliza kugwiritsa ntchito mawu omwewo omwe amagwiritsa ntchito nthawi zonse, musachitepo kanthu. Kodi mungamupangitse bwanji chibwenzi chanu kukhala ndi nsanje chifukwa cha mauthenga? Chitani zinthu mosasamala ndi mauthenga ake okopa. Adzachita nsanje kwambiri, poganiza kuti ayenera kuyesetsa kwambiri kuposa apa ndipo sangathe nthawi zonse kuchita zomwe akufuna. Angadzifunsenso ngati pali wina watsopano m'moyo wanu. Izi zingamupangitse kusintha nsanje kukhala chilimbikitso chokhala chibwenzi chabwino.

12. Gwiritsani ntchito foni yanu pamene akunena chinachake

Ngati sakumvetsera bwino posachedwapa, tsatirani malamulo ake kwa masiku angapo ndikuwona momwe akumvera. Akamayesa kunena chinthu chofunikira, werengani pa Instagram, yankhani macheza, kapena yankhani mafoni akuntchito, monga momwe amachitira. Musamupatse chidwi chonse chomwe wakhala akuchilandira kuchokera kwa inu. Pumulani pang'ono kuti muganizire momwe mungakhalire bwenzi labwino kwa iye. Izi zidzamupangitsa misala.

Aaron Doughty, mphunzitsi wa moyo, nthawi zambiri amapereka chitsanzo cha bwenzi m'mavidiyo ake a YouTube. Mnzakeyo nthawi zonse amamenyedwa ndi anyamata ena akakhala pachibwenzi koma akakhala wosakwatiwa, palibe amene amamumenya. Chifukwa chiyani izi zimachitika? Malinga ndi Aaron, mukakhala odzipatula komanso kudzikwaniritsa nokha, mumakopa chikondi. Koma ngati muchita zosiyana mwachitsanzo ngati mukufunitsitsa chikondi ndi kukakamira ku ganizo lakelo, mudzayamba kubweza munthu amene mukufuna kumukopa.

13. Kodi mungapangire bwanji nsanje mnyamata? Khalani odabwitsa

Njira imodzi yopangira nsanje aliyense ndi kusamvetsetsa komwe muli. Izi zimagwiranso ntchito pamene mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungapangire munthu nsanje pamalemba kapena pamaso. Ndi mayankho monga "Ndili ndi zambiri pa mbale yanga pompano" kapena "Phwando usiku watha linayatsa". Osalowa mwatsatanetsatane. Khalani osamveka bwino ndikumenya mozungulira tchire. Ngati akuzemba kukhala ndi inu, izi zingakhale zokakamiza kuti abwererenso. Zinsinsi zitha kukhala luso lanu popangitsa chibwenzi chanu kukhala ndi nsanje muubwenzi wautali.

14. Muyamikire mnyamata wina pamaso pake

Chomwe muyenera kuchita kuti chibwenzi chanu chikhale ndi nsanje ndi kutamanda wina pamaso pake. Munganene kuti, “Hei, ndimakonda tayi yanu” kwa mlendo amene akudutsa m’sitolo kapena “Ndakonda kwambiri zomwe mnzanu Robert anavala dzulo”. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti mwamuna wamba ndi wopikisana kwambiri kuposa mkazi wamba.

Kumbali yabwino, mpikisano ungapangitse anthu kugwira ntchito molimbika ndikuchita bwino. Koma, kumbali yoipa, zingawononge chidaliro chawo ndi kudzidalira. Choncho, ndi bwino kuti musamavutike kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wanu ndi kunena mawu opweteka monga, "Munthu ameneyo ndi wopambana komanso wopambana kuposa iwe."

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15. Kufufuza mwamuna

Ngati mukufuna kuyesa malire anu, mukhoza kupita kumlingo wofufuza mwachisawawa mlendo wokongola pamaso pake kapena mopanda vuto kukopana ndi mnyamata pamene bwenzi lanu akuyang'ana. Chitani izi pokhapokha ngati chibwenzi chanu ndi masewera. Ngati wachita chiwawa kapena wankhanza akachita nsanje, ndiye kuti mungaganizirenso kusewera masewerawa. Heck, mungafunike kuganiziranso kukhala mu ubalewu pambuyo pake.

Zolozera Mfungulo

Nsanje ikhoza kukhala njira yabwino yopezeranso chikondi cha bwenzi lanu ngati ikusewera bwino
Mnyamata wochokera ku bwalo lake kapena bwenzi lanu akuphwanya inu akhoza kuyambitsa nsanje mwa iye
Mutha kumupanga dala kukhala mboni ya ena akukumenyani kapena ma DM omwe mumalandira
Mukakhala odzidalira kwambiri pazagulu komanso m'malingaliro ndikumupangitsa kumva kuti 'safunikira', lingakhale chenjezo kwa iye kuti alimbikire kwambiri ubalewu.
Samalani kuti musamupweteke kapena kuwononga ulemu wake pomuchitira nsanje

Tikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi ikuthandizani. Komanso, ngati ndinu munthu amene mumasanza mosavuta muubwenzi wanu ndipo ndicho chimene chinakupangitsani kupeza njira yopangira mwamuna nsanje, musadandaule, nsanje ndi chinthu chachibadwa komanso chofala. Ndipotu, nsanje imatipangitsa kukhala anthu . Muyenera kungosintha lawi la nsanje kukhala moto wodzikongoletsa nokha, monga momwe Donna Goddard adanenera m'buku lake lakuti Writing: A Spiritual Voice , ndikuyang'ana pa ulendo wanu ndikupitiriza kukula.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Oct 2022.

Ibibazo

1. Mumadziwa bwanji mnyamata akachita nsanje?

Mumadziwa kuti mnyamata amachitira nsanje akayamba kukulamulirani. Kukwiyitsidwa, kupsa mtima, ndi kukwiya mwadzidzidzi ndi zizindikiro za nsanje pakati pa amuna. Anyamata ena amakhalanso okoma kwambiri kapena amakakamira chifukwa cha nsanje. Mukudziwa kuti mnyamata amachita nsanje akayamba kuzizira ndikutanthauza popanda chifukwa kapena amakuuzani nthawi zonse mawu monga "Ndiwe wanga".

2. Kodi anyamata amachita chiyani akakhala ndi nsanje?

Anyamata akamachita nsanje, amafuna kuti muzilumikizana nthawi zonse. Zitha kuwawopseza ngati simuyankha kwa nthawi yayitali kapena kucheza ndi anzanu achimuna. Anyamata nthawi zambiri amasonyeza nsanje yawo mwa mkwiyo kapena kusalankhula. Komanso, amakhala pachiwopsezo ndipo nthawi zonse amafuna kuti anzawo awatsimikizire kuti mantha awo ndi opanda nzeru.

3. Kodi nchiyani chimene chimapangitsa mnyamata kukhala wansanje kwenikweni?

Mukangotchula za munthu wakale, wosweka mtima chifukwa cha kusweka kwa otchuka kapena kupereka chidwi kwambiri kwa bwenzi lake lapamtima, akhoza kuchita nsanje kwambiri. Zinthu zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mwamuna azichitira nsanje ndi monga kuyankha mochedwa, kuvala pamene palibe, kukhala wosadziwika bwino kapena wosamvetsetseka za mapulani ako, kapena kuona DM yokopa kuchokera kwa wina pafoni yanu.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.