Pamene maubwenzi achikondi amayikidwa pansi pa scanner, nthawi yachisangalalo, zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri zoyabwa, zovuta zapakati pa moyo, kawopsedwe ndi kusagwira ntchito ndiyo mitu yomwe imakambidwa kwambiri. Komabe, pakati pa izi, chodabwitsa chimodzi chimadutsa m'ming'alu - kusasamala mu ubale. Mwina chifukwa sichokongola ngati nthawi yachisangalalo kapena zowoneka ngati zosokoneza ngati ubale wapoizoni kapena wosokonekera.
Komabe, zimafunika chisamaliro chifukwa kumasuka m’banja kapena pachibwenzi chokhalitsa n’kofala kwambiri, ndipo kungathe kuwononga ngati sikunasamalidwe. Chomwe chimapangitsa kuti izi ziwopsyeze kwambiri ndi chakuti khalidwe losasamala limalowa pang'onopang'ono m'maubwenzi, chifukwa chakuti maanja ambiri satha kuwona zizindikiro zochenjeza mwamsanga. Mukadzazindikira kuti zinthu sizikuyenda bwino, ndiye kuti mwakhala kale paubwenzi wokhalitsa womwe ukuwoneka kuti ukutha pang'onopang'ono.
Kuti titsimikizire kuti zimenezo sizichitika paubwenzi wanu, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam (katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wogwirizana ndi bungwe la American Psychological Association), yemwe wakhala akuthandiza maanja kuthana ndi mavuto awo paubwenzi kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri, kuti amvetse bwino kukhutitsidwa muubwenzi ndi zomwe muyenera kusamala nazo.
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M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe maanja ambiri amalephera kuzindikira chodabwitsa ichi ndi chakuti amasokoneza kusakhutira ndi kukhala omasuka paubwenzi. Komabe, awiriwa ali ngati choko ndi tchizi. N’chifukwa chake kumvetsa tanthauzo la kumasuka muubwenzi n’kofunika kwambiri kuti muchotse.
Pofotokoza tanthauzo la kumasuka m’banja kapena m’maubwenzi anthaŵi yaitali, Kavita anati: “Kudekha muubwenzi kumatanthauza kuloŵerera m’malo otonthoza chifukwa cha malingaliro abodza a chisungiko chakuti ubwenziwo udzakhalapo kwamuyaya.” Muubwenzi woterewu, nthaŵi zambiri, mnzawo amasiya n’kusiya kuyesetsa kusintha kapena kukonza zinthu.
"Kudzidalira kumadziwika ndi malo otonthoza oopsa pomwe mnzanu kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi amanyalanyaza winayo . Anthu ena amatcha njira yodziyimira pawokha muubwenzi koma ine ndimatcha kusasunthika komwe mnzanu m'modzi amasiya kuyesetsa kuti ubalewo ukhale wabwino."
Kusakhutira ndi moyo kapena maubwenzi ndi chizoloŵezi choipa chomwe chingakhale ndi zotsatira zofika patali. “Kusokonekera kumodzi kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake n’kumangokhalira kumasuka m’chibwenzi n’chakuti pakapita nthawi, winayonso amasiya.” Panopa muli ndi anthu awiri amene sakumenyera nkhondo kapena sakuchita chilichonse kuti banja lawo liziyenda bwino.
“Chotsatirapo, mmodzi kapena onse aŵiri angayambe kufunafuna chimene chikusoweka m’chibwenzi chawo chakunja, chimene chimadzetsa chigololo.” Kapenanso, angavomereze unansi wosakhutiritsa monga momwe uliri ndipo angasankhe kuvutika m’maubwenzi amene amauona kukhala opanda pake.
Zotsatira za kumasuka m'banja kapena maubwenzi zingakhudzenso mbali zina za moyo wa okwatirana. Zingakhale zovuta kuika maganizo anu pa ntchito, ndipo kukula kwa luso lanu kungakhale kovuta. Ngati pali ana okhudzidwa, kusagwirizana pakati pa makolowo kungakhudzenso kwa iwo, kuwapangitsa kukhala ndi nkhawa kapena kupsinjika maganizo. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuwona zizindikiro zaukwati wosasamala kapena ubale munthawi yake ndikuyesetsa kukonza njirayo chiwonongekocho chisanakhale chozama kwambiri.
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Nchiyani Chimachititsa Kusakhazikika M'maubwenzi?
Kusasangalala paubwenzi ndi nkhani yofala yomwe imatha kukwera kwa anthu okwatirana popanda bwenzi lawo kudziwa kuti ndi liti kapena momwe adalowera kumalo otchedwa comfort zone zomwe zidapangitsa kuti asiyane. Tsopano popeza mwamvetsetsa tanthauzo la kusachita chilichonse paubwenzi, m'pofunika kumvetsetsa chomwe chimayambitsa njira yowopsayi yomwe ingapangitse kulumikizana kwanu kukhala kopanda tanthauzo komanso kopanda tanthauzo kuchokera mkati.
Pofotokoza zomwe zimayambitsa kusakhutira muubwenzi, Kavita akuti, "Mukasiya kupanga ma equation atsopano muubwenzi wa nthawi yayitali kapena ukwati, kusakhutira kumayamba. Kuchokera apa, equation imakhala yosasangalatsa, yosasangalatsa, yosakhazikika, komanso yopumira mpweya. Palibe chiyembekezo chopulumutsa kulumikizana kotere pokhapokha ngati mnzawo m'modzi ayesetsa kusintha momwe zinthu zilili ndipo winayo ayankha bwino."
Kudekha kumayika ubale pamalo oyipa ndipo choyipa kwambiri ndichakuti mwina simungadziwe momwe mwafikira komanso zomwe mungachite kuti mubwererenso. Panthawi ina pakati pa chigawo chaukwati kutha ndikukhala omasuka muubwenzi wanu, mungayambe kusiya kuyamikira wokondedwa wanu ndikuyamba kuwatenga mopepuka, ndi mosemphanitsa. Musanadziwe, chikondi, chikondi, ndi zina zonse zomwe zidakugwirizanitsani zimayamba kutha. N’chifukwa chake akuti kumasuka kumapha mabwenzi.
Komabe, izi sizikutanthauza kuti mukakhala pachibwenzi, simungathe kubwereranso ndikumanganso mgwirizano wachikondi ndi wolimbikitsana ndi mnzanu. Njira yothanirana ndi kukhudzika kwa ubale imayamba ndikumvetsetsa komwe kukuchokera. Nazi zifukwa zomwe zimapangitsa kuti maanja asamasangalale pachibwenzi:
1. Kusaganizira okondedwa wanu
Kusaganizirana muubwenzi kungakhale chinthu chopha anthu mwakachetechete chomwe chimawononga ubale wa awiriwa pakapita nthawi ndipo ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zomwe zimayambitsa kusakhutira. Kusaganizirana kumeneku kungayambike m'nkhani zamaganizo monga kupewa kukondana kapena makhalidwe odzikonda, kapena kungakhale chizindikiro cha kulephera kuyamikira chitetezo ndi chithandizo chomwe mnzanuyo amabweretsa pamoyo wa winayo.
Kaya chifukwa chake n’chotani, mnzawoyo akamalandira mphwayiyo angamve kuti alibe chochita. Pokhapokha ngati mnzawo wosayanjanitsikayo wadzipereka pakufufuza za moyo ndi kudzifufuza, izi zoyambitsa kukhudzika kwa ubale zitha kukhala zowononga.
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2. Kukhala womasuka kwambiri
Kukhala womasuka muubwenzi ndi chizindikiro chabwino - zimasonyeza kuti mukumva otetezeka komanso okhazikika ndi mnzanu. Komabe, mukachoka kukhala womasuka kupita kumasuka kwambiri, mungafunike kulimbana ndi kumasuka muubwenzi. Mukakhala omasuka kwambiri, simungamve kufunika koyesetsa kulimbitsa ubale wanu.
Mumalola ubale wanu kugwira ntchito paokha, popanda kuwononga nthawi yosamalirana, kapena kukondana. Ngati simukusamala, zingakubweretsereni poti mupitiliza kukhala limodzi chifukwa muli omasuka muubwenzi ndipo simukukondananso.
3. Kusunga chakukhosi kungayambitse kusamvana
Pakakhala nkhani zosathetsedwa pamasewera, mkwiyo pachibwenzi umakhazikika. Mukayamba kukwiyira wokondedwa wanu, mkwiyo umakhala yankho lanu kwa iwo chifukwa simukufuna kugawana nawo zomwe muli nazo pachiwopsezo monga chisoni, kukhumudwa, kudziimba mlandu kapena kuwawa. Mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo sizimangokulepheretsani kukhala weni weni paubwenzi komanso zimakulepheretsani kumvetsetsa ndikumvera chisoni mnzanuyo.
Kusamvera ena chisoni ndi kumvetsetsa kumeneku kungayambitse kudziteteza ndi kukana, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu asamakhutire muubwenzi. Popeza mkwiyo umakhudzanso kulankhulana bwino pakati pa okwatirana, mungadzipeze kuti simungathe kuthetsa mavuto. Izi zingayambitse vuto lalikulu lomwe limayambitsa kusakhutirana muubwenzi.
4. Kusiya chibwenzi
Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zochititsa chidwi kwambiri za chiyanjano. Izi zimachitika nthawi zambiri ngati m'modzi akuyesera kuti asinthe koma osawona kuti zikuchitika. Anthu amathanso kusiya maubwenzi awo ngati akuwona kuti palibe kuyesetsa komwe kungasinthe momwe zinthu zilili. Kapena pamene makhalidwe oipa monga mkwiyo, mikangano, kapena kudzudzula kosalekeza kwa mnzako kukhala zifukwa zaubwenzi.
Kusiya chikondi kapena ubale sikutanthauza nthawi zonse kuti banja lidzatha. Komabe, zimapangitsa kuti ubale usinthe. Ngati m'modzi kapena onse awiri akukhalabe mu ubale womwe adasiya, zingayambitse kusakhutira mu ubale wawo.
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Mallory ndi George akhala limodzi kuyambira ku koleji. Monga banja lina lililonse, zaka zingapo zoyambirira zaubwenzi wawo zinali zodzaza ndi chisangalalo, ndipo Mallory adaganiza kuti sakadapempha zambiri. George atafunsa funsoli, Mallory anati 'inde' mosakayikira. Koma patapita zaka zingapo muukwati, equation yawo inasintha mopanda kuzindikira.
George anasiya kuchitapo kanthu pa chibwenzicho. Kuyiwala miyambo yawo yakale yochezerana mlungu ndi mlungu ndikukhala kumapeto kwa sabata atadzipinda pabedi limodzi kapena kuyenda m'nkhalango, Mallory adapeza kukhala kovuta ngakhale kukopa mwamuna wake kuti akambirane.
"Ndiye, ntchito inali bwanji?"
"Zabwino."
"Munatani?"
"Ukudziwa ntchito."
Umu ndi momwe kulankhulana kwawo kunayendera, ndipo pamapeto pake, kunatha. Mkazi kapena mwamuna akakhala wosasamala kwambiri, kudzipatula kumeneku kumakhala chitsanzo chawo. Kukayikira koyamba kwa Mallory kunali kuti mwamuna wake anali kumunyenga . Atatha miyezi yambiri akuganizira kwambiri za izi, anazindikira kuti sizinali choncho. Ndiye, chinali chiyani? "Kodi George anali kusonyeza zizindikiro zakale za kusakhutira muukwati?" anadzifunsa koma sanapeze yankho lomveka bwino.
Ngati nanunso mukulimbana ndi vuto lofananalo, kumvetsa zizindikiro zochenjeza za ukwati kapena chibwenzi kungakhale chiyambi cha mapeto a mavuto anu. Nazi zizindikiro 9 zodziwika bwino muubwenzi:
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1. Kutopa komanso kusakhazikika
Mofanana ndi kukhala wosakhutira ndi moyo, kusakhutira ndi maubwenzi kumadziwikanso ndi kusowa mtendere ndi kusakhazikika. "Pamene pali kutopa muubwenzi , pamodzi ndi kusakhazikika, chilakolako cholankhula ndi mnzanu, kupanga zinthu zosangalatsa, kubweretsa malingaliro atsopano, malingaliro ndi mapulani zimazimitsidwa kwathunthu. Pamenepo ndiye kuti mphamvu imayamba kuzimiririka."
“Popeza kuti mwanyong’onyeka ndi kusakhazikika, mumazindikira kuti pali chinachake chikusoweka m’chiyanjano chanu.Ukhoza ngakhale kulakalaka chisangalalo koma sufuna kuyesetsa kuchisonkhezera muubwenzi wanu wamakono.Chotsatira chake, mungayang’ane chisangalalo chimenecho kunja kwaubwenzi wanu wapachiyambi chifukwa kukonza maubwenzi omwe muli nawo ndi mnzanu amene muli nawo kumawoneka kukhala kosasangalatsa,” akutero Kavita.
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino zaukwati kapena ubale wabwino ndi kukhala ndi malingaliro osakhutitsidwa nthawi zonse komanso kusafuna kuchitapo kanthu kuti athetse vutoli. Izi nthawi zonse zimasokoneza mgwirizano wa okwatirana, kuwalekanitsa wina ndi mzake. Ndicho chifukwa chake sikuli kutambasula kunena kuti kukhutira kumapha maubwenzi.
2. Kusaganizira wokondedwa
Ngati m'modzi wa iwo akunyalanyaza, winayo atha kuyesa kuwachotsa mumkhalidwe woterewu powauza kuti sakuwakonda kapena kulabadira zosowa zawo. “Mnzake amene akulandirayo angauze mnzakeyo kuti salankhula mokwanira kapena sakuwachirikiza, kaya mwamaganizo, mwakuthupi, m’zachuma kapena mwanjira ina iliyonse.
“Ngakhale m’modzi akuuza mnzake kuti sakumvetsera, salabadira zofuna zake.” Ngati mnzanuyo akuitanani kuti mutenge nawo mbali muubwenziwo koma inu simukulabadira, mungathe kuziwerengera kuti ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti muli m’banja kapena chibwenzi,” akutero Kavita.
Tanthauzo lenileni la kusakhutira muubwenzi limachokera ku kunyalanyaza maganizo , kusiyidwa, kusakhazikika, ndi malo omasuka omwe asintha kukhala oopsa. Ngati munayamba mwadzifunsapo chifukwa chake anyamata amasakhutira muubwenzi kapena chifukwa chiyani atsikana amabwerera m'mbuyo pakuchita khama muubwenzi, muli ndi yankho lanu - kumasuka koopsa ndiko komwe kumayambitsa vutoli. Kuti mubwezeretse ubale wovuta, okwatirana onse awiri ayenera kuyesetsa kutuluka mu mkhalidwe wovutawu ndikupeza njira zatsopano zoyankhiranso.
3. Kukhala chete muubwenzi
Patapita nthawi, Mallory anayamba kumva ngati iye yekha ndiye amene anali kuyesetsa kuti ubalewo upitirire komanso kuti ukhale ndi moyo watsopano. Ankakonzekera kudya chakudya chamadzulo Lamlungu ku cafe yomwe George ankakonda kwambiri, kumuchitira zinthu zachikondi monga kumupaka minofu kapena kumusiyira timapepala tachikondi. Ngakhale kuti ankayesetsa kwambiri, zinkaoneka ngati George sanali wokonzeka kukumana naye pakati.
“Mwamuna wanga ali wosasamala, ndipo kwayamba kumva ngati kuti udindo wosunga ukwati umenewu wagwa pa ine.” Ndikudabwa ngati kuli koyenereradi,” iye anaulula zakukhosi kwake kwa mlongo wake, pambuyo poyesanso kulephera kuyesa kuchititsa George kukhala pachibwenzi.
Kavita amavomereza kuti zimenezi si zachilendo pamene mwamuna ndi mkazi akulimbana ndi khalidwe lotayirira. “Kulekerera m’chibwenzi kumazika mizu ngati mmodzi kapena mmodzi kulibenso.” Chotero, winayo angayambe kudzimva ngati ali pachibwenzi kapena m’banja koma akadali mbeta,” anawonjezera motero.
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4. Kudzudzulidwa kosalekeza
Nthawi zambiri, Mallory akamachitira George zinthu zabwino, amakwiya m'malo mokondwera. Panthaŵi ina anamuuza kuti, “Ngati mukufunadi kundichitira zabwino, mungondisiya ndekha.” Ngakhale sanathe kufotokoza chifukwa chake adadzimva kuti sakugwirizana ndi mkazi yemwe poyamba ankakondana naye, George adavomereza kuti ali pachibwenzi. Kwa iye, zoyesayesa za Mallory kuwongolera zinthu zinali chikumbutso china cha ubale womwe uli pamalo oyipa.
Kudzudzulidwa kosalekeza kochokera kwa mnzako ndi kukalipirana ndi zizindikiro za kumasuka muubwenzi. “Mmodzi akayesetsa kukonza zinthu, amadzudzulidwa.” Ngati mnzanuyo anena kuti amalakalaka kukondedwa kapena akufuna kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino ndi mnzake, winayo amamukalipira ndi kuwadzudzula.
“Nthawi zambiri amayankha kuti, 'Simumakhala osangalala kapena kukhutitsidwa, sindimafuna chilichonse kwa inu, sindikuyembekezera chilichonse kwa inu. Pamene pempho lililonse lachikondi ndi chisamaliro likutsutsidwa, zikutanthauza kuti kusasamala kwakhala kolimba kwambiri mu ubalewo, "akufotokoza Kavita.
5. Kukhumudwa ndi chizindikiro cha kumasuka muubwenzi
Kavita anati: “Nthawi zonse pamene m’modzi wa anthu akuyesera kuti agwirizanenso m’chiyanjano chake popanda chidwi ndi kudzudzulidwa, zimadzetsa ululu, kupwetekedwa mtima, kukwiya, ndi kukhumudwa.” Palinso kukhumudwa kwakukulu chifukwa chakuti zinthu sizikusintha,” akutero Kavita.
Mallory anapitiriza kuyesetsa kwa zaka zambiri kuti zinthu zikhale bwino ndikupulumutsa ukwati wake ngakhale kuti anali yekha amene ankayesetsa koma sizinaphule kanthu. Pang'onopang'ono, maganizo ake anasintha kuchoka pa chilakolako chofuna kuyambiranso ubale wake ndi George kupita ku chilakolako chokwiya komanso chokhumudwitsa. Tsopano, George atamuchitira zinthu mosasamala, anagwirizana ndi kusowa chidwi ndi kunyoza kwake.
Pamene bwenzi kapena bwenzi lachita chigololo m’chibwenzi, pamakhala nthaŵi yochepa kuti mnzawo nayenso ayambe kubwezera. M'malo mwake, chifukwa cha kuipidwa ndi zosowa zosakwanira ndi zoyesayesa zosayerekezeka, iwo angayankhe momasuka kwambiri, ndikuyika ubale wawo pamalo oyipa.
6. Kukonzekera momwe zinthu zilili
“M’modzi akamaona ngati ndi yekhayo amene akuyesetsa popanda kuona kusintha kulikonse, ndewu imaferanso mkati mwawo, amadziwa kuti kuyesetsa kwawo sikungapindule ndipo amakhazikika pa momwe zinthu zilili,” akutero Kavita.
Chikhumbo chofuna kukambitsirana nkhaniyo ndi njira yopulumutsira chibwenzicho chimafa chifukwa mnzawo amene wakhala akuyesetsa kulimbana ndi kumasuka m’ubwenziwo akudziwa kuti palibe chimene chingasinthe. Kuvomereza ubale wakale, popanda chiyembekezo chilichonse kuti zinthu zikusintha kukhala zabwino, zitha kupangitsa onse awiri kuwunika momwe akumvera.
"Simungaone phindu lolankhula ndi mnzanu chifukwa mukudziwa kuti khama lanu lonse lidzakwaniritsidwa ndi njira yomweyo , ndipo zidzangokulowetsani mu mkwiyo, ululu, kupweteka ndi kukhumudwa. Chifukwa chake, mumasiya kumenyera ubale, ndikukhazikika momwe zinthu zilili," akuwonjezera.
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7. Kunyalanyaza kudzisamalira komanso kukhala ndi moyo wabwino
“Kupanda chidwi kwa mnzako kungawononge thanzi la mnzakoyo, ngati suona kuti wokondedwa wako akukufunirani, ukhoza kungodzilola kuti uzipita, susamalira maonekedwe a thupi ndi ubwino wako.
Kavita ananenanso kuti: “Mofananamo, mwamuna kapena mkazi akamanyalanyazidwa akhoza kuyamba kukhumudwa kapena kukhala ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse.
Mukakhala ndi chisoni muubwenzi, nthawi imangopita kuti maganizo amenewa ayambe kufalikira m'mbali zina za moyo, zomwe zingakhudze kudziona kuti ndinu ofunika komanso kuchepetsa chilakolako chanu chofuna kuoneka bwino. Kudziona kuti ndinu ofunika komanso kudziona kuti ndinu wosafunika , kungapangitse kuti musamachite zinthu monyanyira muubwenziwo, zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri.
8. Chilakolako cha kugonana chimayambitsa mphuno
Mallory sakumbukira nthawi yomaliza yomwe anali pachibwenzi ndi George. Komanso samamva chikhumbo chofuna. Amakonda kudzisangalatsa kuti akwaniritse zilakolako zake zogonana koma ngakhale malingaliro oti agonane ndi mwamuna wake wayamba kumusiya.
Kavita agamba nti ekyo ky’obuulira nga bwe bwe bwe bwe bweba nga bw’omukwano oba mu nsonga. “Ubwenzi ukayamba kufooka chifukwa chosowa chidwi ndi chidwi, kudzudzula nthawi zonse, kudzimva kuti uli wekha paubwenzi, chilakolako chogonana ndi bwenzi lako chimayambanso kuchepa.
Iye anafotokoza kuti: “Chizindikiro chimodzi chosonyeza kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi sangagwirizane n’chakuti anthu okwatirana sasiyana n’komwe, amachoka m’banja n’kukhala anthu okhala m’chipinda chimodzi.
Pamene njira zina zopezera chikondi muubwenzi sizikupezeka kale ndipo kugonana sikunachotsedwe, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kuti banja likhale lolimba komanso lolimba. Pamenepo ndi pamene kusasamala kumapha ubale kapena kungakhale ndi mwayi wochita zimenezo.
9. Kulingalira za anthu ena
Ngati mnzanuyo sakukwaniritsa zosowa zanu zamaganizo, mukhoza kuganizira momwe mungakhalire ndi munthu wina wachifundo ndi wachifundo kwa inu.
Malotowo angakulamulireni maganizo anu mpaka kufika poti mungafune kuona momwe zingakhalire kukhala moyo weniweni. Muzochitika zotere, mungagonjere chilakolako chofuna kulumikizananso ndi wakale wanu pamene muli pabanja kapena muli pachibwenzi chodzipereka kapena kupititsa patsogolo ubale wanu ndi mnzanu wa kuntchito kapena mnzanu. "Mukufuna zomwe zikusoweka mu ubale wanu waukulu mu ubale wakunja kwa ukwati," akuwonjezera.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zotsatira 9 Zopanda Kugonana Paubwenzi Zomwe Palibe Amene Amalankhula
Njira 6 Zopewera Kukhumudwa Paubwenzi
Akakumana ndi chitonthozo paubwenzi, maanja ambiri amatha kuona njira zochepa zosinthira zomwe zikuchitika. Akhoza kusiyiratu tsogolo lawo ndi kusankha kukhalabe paubwenzi wokhazikika, wosakwanira, angafune chitonthozo m’chibwenzi chakunja kapena kusankha kuchoka paubwenzi woterowo. Komabe, palinso china, ngakhale chovuta, njira yothetsera ubale wovutawu.
Ndiko kuyesa kugwirira ntchito pachibwenzi ndikubwezeretsanso ku thanzi lake loyambirira. Chifukwa chakuti simunathe kupeŵa kuchita zinthu momasuka muubwenzi, poyamba sizikutanthauza kuti simungathe kulimbana nazo bwino. Komabe, izi zimaphatikizapo kuyesetsa kosalekeza komanso kowona mtima kuchokera kwa onse awiri.
"Kuti athane ndi kusakhazikika paubwenzi, onse awiri ayenera kupeza njira zofotokozeranso ubale wawo pamene akupitiliza kukula ndikusintha, komanso kupanga ma equation atsopano mkati mwa ubale womwe ulipo kuti kusasunthika kusagwire," akulangiza motero Kavita. Koma kodi kutanthauziranso mgwirizano ndikupanga ma equation atsopano kumatanthauza chiyani? Tikukuwuzani, ndi njira 6 zakumbuyo zomwe zingakuthandizireni kuti musiye kusasamala paubwenzi:
1. Sinthani maganizo anu pa ubwenzi wanu
Tsopano popeza mwamvetsetsa momwe kusasamala kumawonongera maubwenzi, mutha kukhala ofunitsitsa kuthetseratu chizolowezi chanu ndi mnzanu. Komabe, funso n’lakuti, bwanji? Chinthu choyamba chimene mungachite kuti muchepetse kumasuka muubwenzi ndi kusiya kudzilankhula zoipa. Osanyozetsa ubale wanu kapena kufunikira kwanu ngati okondedwa.
Kuti mubwezeretse ubale wanu ndi SO wanu, muyenera kusintha momwe mumaonera ubale wanu. Musauone ngati ubale wolephera , m'malo mwake, ganizirani kubwerera m'mbuyo kwa kusasamala ngati vuto lomwe inu ndi mnzanuyo mungathe kulimbana nalo ngati gulu. Maganizo anu amakhudza zochita zanu, choncho yambani mwa kusintha momwe mumaganizira.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 9 a Akatswiri Othandizira Kulimbikitsa Kusatetezeka Mu Ubwenzi
2. Pangani zoyeserera zazing'ono
Mungakhale okonzeka kuchita chilichonse chomwe chingafunike kuti muthane ndi kusakhutira ndi ubale wanu; komabe, kusintha sikuti nthawi zonse kumafuna kupanga zisankho zomwe zingasinthe moyo wanu ndikusinthiratu moyo wanu. Kuchita khama nthawi zonse muubwenzi , ngakhale zitakhala zazing'ono bwanji kapena zosaoneka ngati zazing'ono, ndiye komwe kumawonjezera zotsatira zazikulu pamapeto pake.
Choncho, m'malo molonjeza mnzanuyo mwezi ndi nyenyezi, mwinamwake yambani ndi kuyamikira mnzanuyo, kusonyeza kuyamikira kwa zinthu zazing'ono zomwe amakuchitirani inu ndi ubale, ndi kuwalipira moona mtima, zoyamikira zochokera pansi pamtima. Izi zitha kuthandiza kwambiri kuti onse awiri amve ngati akuwonedwa ndi kumveka, zomwe zimatha kuthana ndi chizoloŵezi chongonyalanyaza za chibwenzicho.
3. Pezani nthawi yabwino kuti muthane ndi kumasuka muubwenzi
Kusasangalala, kutengana mopepuka, kusayanjanitsika - zifukwa zambiri zomwe zimapangitsa kuti musamasangalale ndi chibwenzi zimachokera ku kusayesetsa kukhalabe ndi mnzanu. Kupatula nthawi yabwino yocheza kungakuthandizeni kuyanjananso ndikuchotsa zinthu zonse zazing'ono zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala osagwirizana pang'onopang'ono komanso mosakayika.
Kuti mupewe kukhumudwa muubwenzi kuti zisawononge ubale wanu, ndikofunikira kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo muzikonza nthawi zonse zamasiku ochezera kuti mutsitsimutse zomwe zidasokonekera komanso kuti mukhale ndi nthawi yolumikizana tsiku lililonse kuti mulumikizane ndikukambirana chilichonse komanso chilichonse pansi padzuwa. Izi zikhoza kukhala kuyenda, kulankhulana pa pilo, kapena kuonetsetsa kuti mukudya chakudya chimodzi chopanda zida zapakompyuta pomwe cholinga chake ndi kukambirana.
4. Khalani ndi chidwi chodekha ndi mnzanuyo
Mukukumbukira masiku oyambilira achiyanjano chanu pomwe mudachita chidwi ndi chidwi cha okondedwa wanu ndikuyesetsa kuti mumudziwe bwino? Kubwezeranso chidwi chimenecho ndi njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yothanirana ndi kumasuka muubwenzi. Pamene mukuyamba kukhala okhazikika pachibwenzi, mwachibadwa kumverera kuti mumadziwa wokondedwa wanu mkati ndipo palibe chatsopano chotsalira kuti mudziwe za wina ndi mzake.
Komabe, palibe chomwe chingakulepheretseni kudziwa zoona. Simungamudziwe munthu 100%, ndipo pamene anthu akukula ndikusintha, mbali zatsopano za umunthu wawo zimaonekera. Ndicho chifukwa chake ndi bwino nthawi zonse kumudziwa bwino mnzanu kuposa momwe mumamudziwira kale. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi yabwino yomwe mwasankha kukhala ndi wina ndi mnzake kuti mumange ubale wachikondi muubwenzi kachiwiri.
5. Ubwenzi wapamtima ukhoza kutsutsana ndi chiyanjano
Kukondana kwakuthupi ndi chimodzi mwazovulazo zoyamba za kungokhala mphwayi muubwenzi koma ndi njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yopulumutsira chizoloŵezi chochita zinthu monyanyira. Kugonana sikungofunika kwenikweni komanso njira yolimbikitsira kugwirizana pakati pa anthu awiri. Mahomoni omasuka omwe amatulutsidwa m'thupi pambuyo pa orgasm amakupangitsani kuti muzimva kuti ndinu ogwirizana komanso oyandikana kwambiri ndi wokondedwa wanu.
Ndicho chifukwa chake kuyambiranso moyo wanu wogonana ndikofunikira ngati mukufuna kuthana ndi kusakhutira muubwenzi. Ngati mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali popanda kugonana, musazengereze kukonza nthawi yogonana pachiyambi ngati ndicho chomwe muyenera kubwereranso. Komanso onetsetsani kuti mukubwezeretsa kusewera, komanso kukondana mu mphamvu zanu. Ndi zinthu zazing'ono izi zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala ndi chilakolako ndikupangitsa kuti kugonana kuwoneke kosangalatsa osati ntchito yovuta.
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6. Khazikitsani zolinga za ubale kuti mupitilize kuyenda munjira yoyenera
Mukazindikira kuti simunachitepo kanthu pa chibwenzi chanu, inu ndi mnzanuyo mungayesetse moona mtima ndikuchita zonse kuti muthetse vutolo. Komabe, zinthu zikayamba kuyang'ananso, zimakhala zosavuta kugwera m'machitidwe akale. Musanadziwe, mungakhale mukulimbana ndi chilombo cha chiyanjano chokhazikika.
Zolinga zaubwenzi zingakuthandizeni kupewa kukodwa mumsampha umenewu. Kukhala ndi zolinga zomveka bwino - kaya kusunga ndalama zogulira tchuthi cha pachaka kapena kulankhulana momveka bwino komanso mwachikondi - ndi njira yabwino yosungira udindo ndikuonetsetsa kuti ubale wanu ukupita komwe nonse mukufuna.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Kusanyalanyaza ubale kungakhale kovuta kuzindikira koma kungawononge kwambiri mgwirizano wa okwatirana
- Kunyong’onyeka, kusayanjanitsika, kutengerana mosasamala, kukwiyirana ndi zinthu zomwe zimachititsa kuti munthu asamasangalale.
- Zimadziwika ndi kusagwirizana pakati pa zibwenzi ndikumverera kuti wataya mtima wina ndi mzake
- Ndi kuyesetsa kosalekeza kwa mbali zonse ziwiri, ndizotheka kuthana ndi kumasuka mu ubale
Kusakhutira muubwenzi kungawoneke ngati mapeto a ulendo koma sikuyenera kukhala choncho. N'zotheka kusintha zinthu, bola ngati onse awiri ali okonzeka kuchita khama. Komabe, kuthetsa vutoli kungawoneke kovuta pamene mwayesapo kangapo ndipo mwalephera kale. Muzochitika ngati zimenezi, chithandizo cha banja kapena uphungu chingakhale chopindulitsa kwambiri. Ngati muli muukwati kapena ubale wosasamala koma simukufuna kuti ukhale mapeto a ulendo wanu ndi mnzanu, ganizirani kufunafuna thandizo. Gulu la alangizi a Bonobology lili pafupi.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
