Zizindikiro 7 Zosonyeza Kuti Mwamuna Wanu Ndi Gay, Ndi Njira 5 Zomwe Mungamuthandizire

Ukwati wamba umadutsa m'malo ake ovuta. Kuchokera pazaka zisanu ndi ziwiri za kuyabwa mpaka kukula kosagwirizana ndi wina ndi mzake, zipsyinjo za kulera kapena kulephera kukhala makolo, ndi kulimbana kosalekeza kusamalira ndalama - okwatirana amakumana ndi nthawi zambiri pamene tsogolo likuwoneka losatsimikizika, ndi lodetsa nkhawa. Palibe mwa izi, komabe, chomwe chimayandikira kukula kwa kuzindikira zizindikiro zomwe mwamuna wanu ndi wachiwerewere.

Mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi kukhala wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha muukwati wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kungawoneke ngati kutha kwa njira. Inu nonse mufuna zinthu zosiyana, kukhumba zomwezo, ndipo simungapatse kwa wina. Mwanjira zonse, zikuwoneka ngati zovuta, zomwe zikuwopseza tsogolo lanu ngati banja. "Mwamuna wanga ndi gay, nditani tsopano?" Mutha kudzipeza kuti mwakhudzidwa ndi funso ili, pomwe malingaliro anu ochita mantha akuthamangira kuti amvetsetse nkhonya yomwe mwamenyedwa.

Kodi mungapeze bwanji yankho lomveka bwino la funso lakuti “Kodi mwamuna wanga ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi?” ngati sanakuuzeni. Kodi pali zizindikiro zomveka bwino zomwe mwamuna wanu ali nazo zomwe mungadalire kuti mudziwe ngati kukayikira kwanu pankhani yokhudza kugonana kwake kuli koona? Kodi mukupita kuti kuchokera pano? Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kupeza mayankho pokambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso mphunzitsi wodziwa bwino ntchito za moyo Deepak Kashyap (Masters in Psychology of Education), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana zaumoyo wamaganizo, kuphatikizapo LGBTQ ndi uphungu wachinsinsi.

Mwamuna Wanga Ndi Gay? Zizindikiro 7 Zomwe Zimatero

Kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi Gallup mu 2017 adati 10.2% yokha kapena m'modzi mwa khumi a anthu a LGBT aku America ndi omwe ali ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Chiwerengerochi ndi chochepa kwambiri ndipo chikuwonetsa kuti omwe adakali m'chipinda chobisala pankhani yokhudza kugonana kwawo angasankhe kulowa muukwati wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuti asamawonekere. Pamene chinyengo ichi chitalephera, chingadabwe kwambiri ndipo chingakhale chosokoneza komanso chopweteka kwambiri kwa onse awiri, makamaka ngati mwakhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali.

Simunadziwe kuti mumakonda mwamuna wapamtima pomwe womalizayo wakhala akukhala moyo wapawiri pansi kwanthawi yayitali. Ngati pali ana okhudzidwa, zinthu zimangowonjezereka kwambiri. Mwachibadwa, kukayikira kuti mwamuna wanu angakhale mwamuna kapena mkazi kungadzutse mafunso ambiri. "Kodi mwamuna wanga ndi bwenzi lenileni kapena ndikuwerenga molakwika?" "Kodi zizindikiro zotsika ndi ziti zomwe muyenera kusamala nazo?" Ngati mwamuna wanga ali ndi chibwenzi, kodi ndimayang'ana mosiyana kapena ndimamuyang'ana?"

Mutha kuwona zizindikiro za mwamuna wa gay momwe amachitira muukwati. Mwachitsanzo, mtsikana wina wazaka 26 amene anangokwatiwa kumene, amene anadziŵa za kugonana kwa mwamuna wake usiku wa ukwati wawo, anauza Bonobology kuti: “Ndinkadziŵa kuti mwamuna wanga anali wachiwerewere chifukwa sanayese kubisa ndipo anapita poyera kukagona ndi mnzakeyo. Komabe, ngati mukukhala ndi mwamuna wapamtima kapena ngati ayamba kuzindikira gawo ili la kugonana kwake pambuyo pake m'moyo - mwina, ngakhale zaka mutakwatirana - kutsimikizira kuti amakonda amuna kungakhale kwachinyengo pokhapokha atatuluka kwa inu.

Kuwona ndi kuzindikira zizindikiro zomwe mwamuna wanu ali m'chipinda chogona si nthawi zonse ulendo wamzere. Jennine anati: “Sindinaonepo zizindikiro zoti mwamuna wanga amakonda amuna mpaka atayamba kukambirana naye zoti atha kukhala ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi kwa zaka 10 ndi theka atakwatirana.” M’kupita kwa nthawi, anapeza kuti sanali mwamuna kapena mkazi koma mwamuna kapena mkazi. Kuti musagwidwe mosazindikira ndikuwona dziko lanu likutembenukira pamutu ngati Jennine, yang'anani izi 7 zizindikiro za mwamuna wamwamuna:

1. Safuna kugonana

"Kodi mwamuna wanga ndi gay?" "Ndi zizindikiro ziti zomwe mwamuna wanga amakonda amuna?" Ngati mukulimbana ndi mafunso awa, chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti simukufuna kugonana kapena kugonana. Zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti amakonda kugonana zingaonekere mu nthawi yanu yapamtima, mwa njira imodzi kapena zingapo zotsatirazi.

• Sayambitsa kugonana
• Amavutika kupeza kapena kukonza erection ndi inu
• Panthawi zapamtima zomwe mumagawana naye, kugonana kumawoneka ngati chinthu chovuta kwa iye
• Amadzitchinjiriza kapena kukukwapulani nthawi iliyonse mukabweretsa moyo wanu wogonana wosasangalatsa

Pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zambiri za m'banja kutembenukira sexless koma, ngati mwamuna wanu sasonyeza chidwi kugonana kuyambira chiyambi cha ubwenzi, ndiye ayenera kuonedwa ngati angathe wofiira mbendera. Komabe, ngati mwamuna wanu ali ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa zambiri kapena akusokonezekabe ndi zomwe amakonda, pakhoza kukhala zochitika zina za kugonana m'banjamo.

"Anthu okwatirana akhoza kukhalabe ndi moyo wogonana chifukwa pali zinthu zosiyanasiyana zomwe amakonda. Mwachitsanzo, akhoza kukhala ndi chilakolako chogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha koma amakonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Komabe, chizindikiro chimodzi chosonyeza kuti mwamuna amene ali m'banja losakwatira ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi weniweni ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi weniweni ndi chakuti sadzayambitsa kugonana," akutero Deepak.

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2. Amabisa za gulu lake

Kodi mumadziwa bwanji ngati mwamuna wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi? Kodi ndi zizindikiro ziti zomwe mwamuna wanu ali nazo? Chizindikiro chachilendo chakuti mwamuna wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi chingakhale kutenga nawo mbali pa moyo wake wa anthu ena kapena kusachita nawo. Mwina, momwe amakusiyani ndi mbali zina za moyo wake kwakupatsani maganizo oti ali pachibwenzi chokakamizidwa kapena kuti ukwati wanu ndi wa mbali imodzi. Inde, zimenezo zingakupwetekeni koma muyenera kufufuza mozama kuti mumvetse chifukwa chake zingakhale choncho.

Deepak anati: “Akapanda kukulola kukumana ndi anzake kapena kuti anzake asabwere kunyumba, mwina n’chifukwa chakuti akufuna kubisa chinsinsi cha kugonana kwake. Izi zitha kuchitika pazifukwa zingapo:

• Amayenda m’gulu la anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo akuopa kuti ngati mutapeza kuti anzake onse ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, mwina mungakayikire kuti nayenso akhoza
• Amuna omwe amawasiya ngati abwenzi ake akhoza kukhala ogona naye
• Mwina mwamuna wanu ali ndi chibwenzi chomwe anzake amamudziwa ndipo safuna kuyika m'modzi mwa iwo pachiswe kuti atayire nyemba mosadziwa.
• Moyo wake wocheza nawo umaphatikizapo kupita ku ma bar ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena kucheza ndi azibambo ena ndipo amafuna kuti izi zisakhale zotsika.

Ichi chikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mwamuna wanu ali m'chipinda chogona ndikukhala ndi moyo wachiphamaso. Ngati mungazindikire izi ndikuwonanso zizindikiro zina za amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha m'banja mwanu, ingakhale nthawi yokonzekera zomwe mungachite ndikuwona momwe mungathanirane ndi vutoli.

3. Mwamuna wanga ndi gay? Yankho likhoza kukhala mu foni yake

“Ndingatsimikizire bwanji kuti mwamuna wanga ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha?” Funsoli likhoza kukuvutitsani ngati muli ndi vuto loti mupitirize kuganiza choncho. Ngati mukumva kuti pali vuto ndipo pali chifukwa choganiza kuti chifukwa chake chingakhale kugonana kwa mwamuna wanu, yesani kufunafuna malo ochezera a amuna kapena akazi okhaokha monga Grindr, Scruff, kapena Growler pafoni yake. Muthanso kuyang'ana maakaunti a amuna anu ochezera pa intaneti kuti muwone omwe amacheza nawo, mtundu wa zochitikazo, komanso mtundu wa masamba/maakaunti omwe amatsatira.

Ngati ali mwamuna wapamtima, mwayi wokhala ndi moyo wapawiri pansi pamunsi ndi wapamwamba kwambiri. Inde, zingaoneke ngati kuloŵerera m’chinsinsi chake. Koma mkazi ali ndi ufulu wodziwa zoona zake pa nkhani ya kugonana kwa mwamuna wake. Osadziwa ndi kulimbana mosalekeza ndi "Kodi mwamuna wanga ndi gay?" funso lingakhale lopweteka kwambiri kuposa kuphunzira choonadi. Mukakhala ndi yankho lotsimikizika, mutha kulankhula ndi njovu mchipindamo ndikusankha komwe mukufuna kupita kuchokera pano.

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4. Amakonda zolaula zachiwerewere

"Kodi mwamuna wanga ndi gay? Ndingadziwe bwanji zoona za kugonana kwake ngati akadali m'chipinda?" Mtundu wa zolaula zomwe amakondwera nazo ukhoza kukupatsani chidziwitso chomveka bwino ngati mwamuna wanu akubisa chinachake chokhudza kugonana kwake. Mutha kuyang'ana mbiri yake yosakatula ukonde kapena kusaka mapulogalamu olaula pafoni yake kuti muwone ngati akuyang'ana zolaula zachiwerewere. Ngati ndi choncho, ndiye kuti amangopereka zokonda zake zakugonana. Palibe munthu wowongoka amene amasiya kuchita zachiwerewere. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu zomwe mwamuna wanu ali gay.

Natalie, yemwe ankadzimva kuti ali muukwati ndi mwamuna yemwe sankamukonda kwenikweni, anali atatopa kwambiri akuyesera kupeza chifukwa chake. Ganizo lake loyamba linali lakuti anali kumunyenga, koma sanapeze zizindikiro zilizonse zosonyeza kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wake ndi wonyenga. Sanathe kuganiza kapena kupeza chifukwa china chilichonse chomwe chingapangitse khalidwe lotere koma chowonadi chinamugwedeza kwambiri.

Ankafufuza zomwe zingamuthandize kuti afotokoze tsatanetsatane wa kusakhulupirika kwake pamene adapeza malo olaula achiwerewere m'mbiri yake yosakatula. Anamva kuti dziko lake likuphwanyidwa ngakhale pamene amayesa kukonza zomwe zidamugunda. “Mwamuna wanga ndi gay,” ananong’oneza mwachifatse akutseka laputopuyo, maganizo ake anagwidwa m’maganizo omwe sanathe n’komwe kuwakonza.

5. Kukhala mkazi si chizindikiro cha kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha

Kodi mumadziwa bwanji ngati mwamuna wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi? Kodi ndi zizindikiro ziti zomwe muyenera kusamala nazo mwa mwamuna wanu? Kudziwa zomwe sizikutanthauza zizindikiro za mwamuna kapena mkazi ndikofunikira. Makhalidwe a akazi, kaya kulankhula kapena kuvala mwanjira inayake, 'kukhala wosamala' kapena ngakhale mwamuna wodzipaka zodzoladzola kapena kuvala zovala zosonyeza kuti ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi, nthawi zambiri amamvedwa molakwika ngati zizindikiro za kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

"Palibe chomwe chingakhale chotalikirana ndi chowonadi. Ukazi kapena maonekedwe a amuna ndi akazi sayenera kusokonezedwa ndi kugonana. Ngakhale amuna omwe amagonana kwambiri amatha kukhala owongoka, ndipo amuna owoneka bwino kwambiri, amuna okhaokha. Ndipotu, nthawi zambiri amuna omwe amatsekedwa amabisala kumbuyo kwa machismo awa kuti asunge kugonana kwawo," akutero Deepak. Kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha si chizindikiro cha kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha monganso kukhala mwamuna si chitsimikizo cha kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Osalumphira ku mawu akuti "mwamuna wanga ndi gay" chifukwa,

• Amakonda mtundu wa pinki
• Amagwiritsa ntchito zinthu zambiri zosamalira khungu
• Amakonda kuvala mankhwala opaka milomo nthawi ndi nthawi
• Nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi amuna
• Ali ndi ngodya yofewa kwa anzake omwe amagonana nawo

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6. Amasonyeza khalidwe lodana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha

Ngakhale zingamveke zotsutsana, ngati mwamuna wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi, akhoza kusonyeza khalidwe loipa kwambiri la anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo sangalowe m'malo mwa amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha momwe angathere. Izi ndi zoona makamaka ngati akadali m'chipinda chobisika za kugonana kwake kapena akukana. Mungamuone akupanga nthabwala zosaganizira za kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena kukwiyira munthu amene ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wogonana naye poyera. Kuti anthu ochokera m'gulu la anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nthawi zonse amakhala okondana ndi chimodzi mwa nthano zazikulu zokhudza anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Monga tanenera, chifukwa chakuti ali ndi ngodya yofewa kwa abwenzi ake ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha (akhoza kungokhala wothandizana nawo) kapena amathera nthawi yambiri ndi amuna, sizikutanthauza kuti mwamuna wanu ndi gay. Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi wachiwerewere koma sanavomereze mfundo imeneyi, akhoza kuwoneka kuti amadana kwambiri ndi amuna ena ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Nthawi zambiri anthu amakopeka akaona mwa munthu makhalidwe amene sangakonde pa iwo okha.

Chifukwa chake, ichi chikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwazizindikiro zowulula kuti mwamuna wanu ali m'chipinda chogona. N’zoona kuti kudana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kungayambikenso chifukwa chodana ndi kugonana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Koma ngati zochita zake sizili zamphamvu, muyenera kuganizira kuti ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zamphamvu za mwamuna wa gay.

7. Pamene bromance wake malire pa zachikondi

Ubwenzi wa amuna nthawi zambiri sumadziwika ndi chikondi champhamvu kapena ubwenzi wapamtima. Komabe, ngati mukusokonezeka ngati ziyembekezo ndi chikondi chomwe mnzanu wanu ali nacho pa mnzanu winawake chimangokhala chikondi kuposa chikondi cha pamtima, ndibwino kudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mwamuna wanga amakonda amuna?" kapena "Kodi mwamuna wanga akudzionetsera kuti ndi wowongoka mtima ?"

Ndiye, kodi mumadziwa bwanji ngati mwamuna wanu akubisa chinachake chokhudza ubale wake ndi “bwenzi lapamtima”? Kodi mumasiyanitsa bwanji pakati pa ubwenzi wosalakwa ndi chibwenzi chobisika? Samalani izi:

• Kodi amachita nsanje ngati mnzakeyo amathera nthawi yambiri ndi munthu wina yemwe amamukonda kwambiri, mwina mwamuna kapena mkazi wake kapena 'bwenzi lake lapamtima'?
• Kodi mwamuna wanu amakwiya ngati akulephera kukumana/kuthera nthawi ndi bwenzi limeneli?
• Kodi mnzanu ameneyo ndi amene amagawana naye ubwenzi wamtima umene munkayembekezera kukhala nawo m'banja mwanu?
• Kodi mukuona kuti amafuna kukhala yekhayekha ndi bwenzi limeneli?
• Kodi amapita patsogolo kuti achepetse kucheza kwanu ndi munthuyu?
• Ngakhale ali pafupi kwambiri, kodi simunakumanepo kapena kucheza ndi bwenzi lomwe lanenedwali?

Ngati yankho la mafunso amenewa ndi inde, ndiye kuti chifukwa chake n’choyenera. Izi zitha kukhalanso ndi yankho ku funso loti "ndi mwamuna wanga ndi gay" lomwe mukulephera kugona.

Ngati mwasokonezedwa ndi khalidwe la mwamuna wanu ndipo mungagwirizane ndi zizindikiro zochepa za mwamuna wachiwerewere zomwe zatchulidwa pamwambapa, ndiye kuti mungafune kukambirana naye. Pambuyo pake, njira yokhayo yodziwira ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi gay ndikumvetsera kwa iye. Ngati mwamuna wanu akutuluka m'chipinda chanu, ndiye kuti mungasankhe kukhala bwenzi lake kapena mdani wanu.

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Momwe Mungamasulire Zizindikiro Zomwe Zingatheke Kuti Mwamuna Wanu Ndi Gay Mwanzeru

Mukayamba kuona zinthu zomwe zimakupangitsani kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi mwamuna wanga ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi?” ndi zachibadwa kuti maganizo anu azizungulira. Koma musanasonkhanitse nkhani yochokera ku zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana, imirirani kaye. Khalidwe la anthu ndi lovuta. Kusafuna kugonana, chinsinsi, kapena ubwenzi wolimba ndi amuna sizitanthauza kuti munthu ndi wokonda kugonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Chofunika kwambiri ndi kukumbukira kuti zizindikiro zimatha kusokeretsa ndipo kuulula za kugonana ndi chinthu chomwe mwamuna wanu yekha ndi amene angapange.

Makhalidwe ambiri amene amadzetsa kukayikirana angakhalenso ndi zifukwa zosagwirizana. Kutsika mwadzidzidzi kwa ubwenzi kungakhale chifukwa cha kuvutika maganizo kapena kupsinjika kwa kuntchito. Zinsinsi pa foni zingatanthauze nkhani zachuma, osati mbiri zobisika pa mapulogalamu a chibwenzi cha gay. Ngakhale effeminacy kapena kusowa kwake sikumatanthawuza queer identity. Popanda kuwulula, mukutanthauzira ma micro-behavioural cues, omwe angapangitse kuti muwoneke mosavuta.

Pamtima pa izi pali kudziyimira pawokha. Chidziwitso ndi chaumwini, ndipo mpaka mwamuna wanu agawane yekha, zonse zomwe muli nazo ndi zizindikiro zomwe zingagwirizane kapena sizingagwirizane. Mwamuna yemwe ali pachibwenzi akhoza kumva kuti ali ndi pakati pa zoyembekeza zosayembekezereka ndi chilakolako choponderezedwa. Koma ulendo wotuluka ndi wake, osati wongoganizira chabe. Kulemekeza malirewo n’kovuta, koma n’kofunika kuti mumveke bwino komanso mwaulemu.

Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Kukayikitsa Kwambiri Mwamuna Wanu Ali Kuchipinda

Ngati kukayikira kupitilirabe, pamapeto pake mudzafunikira kuchoka pamalingaliro ndikuchitapo kanthu. Njira imene mukuchitira panthaŵiyi imatsimikizira osati chowonadi chokha chimene mungavumbule komanso mmene mudzapirire pambuyo pake. Ganizirani izi monga kukonzekera malo otetezeka, achifundo, omwe kukhulupirika kungawonekere komanso komwe nonse mungathe kuchita popanda mantha.

1. Ganizirani mmene mukumvera

Musanatembenukire kunja, yang'anani mkati. Kuganizira za momwe mukumvera kungakuthandizeni kusiyanitsa ululu wamaganizo ndi kukayikira kochokera ku zomwe mukuchita. Dzifunseni ngati mukuchitapo kanthu chifukwa cha mtunda wamaganizo , chinsinsi, kapena china chake chomwe chikuwonetsa kukondana kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Chifukwa chake, dzifunseni kuti:

• Kodi ndimapwetekedwa chifukwa cha mtunda, chinsinsi, kapena malingaliro?
• Kodi ndaona kusintha kotani, ndipo kumandikhudza bwanji?
• Ndikalankhula naye, kodi ndinganene kuti ndimangofuna kudziwa zambiri m'malo momuimba mlandu?

Cholinga cha mafunsowa sikufuna kudziwa ngati mwamuna wanu ali m’chipinda chogona, koma kumveketsa bwino zimene mukufunikira kuti mukhale otetezeka m’maganizo mwanu.

2. Ganizirani za kukambirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu

Kukayikitsa sikungathandize. Nthawi zina, muyenera kukambirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Mukamatero, kusankha nthawi ndi mawu oyenera n’kofunika kwambiri. Sankhani malo odekha, osati panthawi ya mkangano kapena pamene mukupanikizika kwambiri. 

Kufufuza kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo John Gottman pa kulankhulana m’banja kumagogomezera kuti mphindi zitatu zoyambirira za kukambitsirana kovuta kaŵirikaŵiri zimatsimikizira zotulukapo zake. Kulowa ndi chidani kumapangitsa chitetezo kukhala chosapeŵeka. Kulowa mofatsa kumalola kukambirana. Gwiritsani ntchito mawu oti “Ine” pofotokoza mmene khalidwe lake limakukhudzirani, m’malo mosonyeza kuti ndinu wolakwa. Mwachitsanzo:

• Ndikuona kuti pali mbali ina ya moyo wako imene sindingathe kuipeza.
• "Ndikufuna kuti tizilankhulana moona mtima, ngakhale chowonadi chitakhala chovuta."

Mawu ngati awa amapangitsa kuti chitseko chitseguke kuti munthu adziwe bwino popanda kufuna kuwululidwa nthawi yomweyo. Zimasintha kuyang'ana pa kutsimikizira ngati ali gay kupita kukupanga mikhalidwe yomwe sangawopsezedwe kwambiri ndi chidwi chanu.

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3. Ganizirani za uphungu

Chithandizo cha akatswiri chingakhale chamtengo wapatali, makamaka pamene kukana, kupewa, kapena kugawikana kumalamulira ukwati wanu. Kafukufuku wapeza kuti amuna omwe akulimbana ndi kudana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi chinsinsi chachikulu komanso mavuto m'banja. Chithandizochi chimapereka malo okonzedwa bwino kuti athetse vutoli. Taganizirani,

• Chithandizo cha munthu payekha: Ikhoza kukuthandizani kukonza malingaliro anu, kumvetsetsa malire, ndikusankha zomwe mukufunadi—mosasamala kanthu kuti iye adzaulula.
• Chithandizo cha maanja: Amapereka mkhalapakati wotsogolera zokambirana zovuta. LGBTQ+ affirming therapists atha kuthandiza onse awiri kuti awone ngati akufuna kukonza, kusintha, kapena kugawana njira mwaulemu.

4. Pangani malo otetezeka ndi opanda chiweruzo kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu

Ngati mwamuna wanu akulimbana ndi chikhumbo choponderezedwa kapena kudziwika kwachilendo, chidani chodzitchinjiriza chimakhala chofala. Manyazi, kusalidwa, ndi ziyembekezo zosiyana nthawi zambiri zimapangitsa amuna kukwiya pamene ali pakona. Kupanga chitetezo sikutanthauza kulekerera chinyengo. Kumatanthauza kuti kukhulupirika kusakhale koopsa. Pewani kuneneratu koyambirira. M’malo mwake, mutsimikizireni kuti kulankhula momasuka, ngakhale zitakhala zopweteka, kudzaperekedwa mwaulemu. Izi sizikutsimikizira kuti adzatuluka, koma zimachepetsa kupanikizika komwe kumapangitsa chinsinsi.

• Mutsimikizireni kuti mukufuna kumasuka, osati kuwukira
• Mkumbutseni kuti kudzivomereza kumapindulitsa nonse
• Tsindikani kuti kulankhula zoona sikumachititsa kuti banja lithe. Zimangomveketsa njira yopita patsogolo

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 8 Zimene Okwatirana Osakwatira Kapena Okwatirana Amachita Mosiyana

Kulimbana Ndi Kudziwa Mwamuna Wanu Ndi Gay 

Kuzindikira kuti mwamuna wanu akhoza kukhala gay kapena kumumva akuwulula kungamve ngati kusuntha pansi panu. Kwa okwatirana ambiri, vumbulutso limeneli limakhudza osati banja lokha, komanso umunthu wanu, kudzidalira, ndi tsogolo limene munaganiza kuti mukumanga pamodzi. Kulimbana sikufuna kupeza njira zothetsera vutoli. Ndi za kulola danga la mkwiyo, chisoni, chisokonezo, kapena mpumulo, komanso kuteteza thanzi lanu lamalingaliro.

1. Kusintha maganizo

Zomverera zanu sizifika zosanjidwa bwino. Iwo akhoza kubwera mu mafunde, kuwombana wina ndi mzake. Masiku ena mungakhale okwiya, masiku ena achisoni kwambiri, ndipo nthawi zina mumatha kumva mpumulo pomaliza kufotokoza za mtunda umene munaumva. Kupondereza malingaliro amenewo kungamve kukhala kosavuta, koma chisoni chosazindikirika chimayamba kuyambiranso pambuyo pake m'njira zokulirapo.

Katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Joe Kort, yemwe wakhala akugwira ntchito zambiri ndi mabanja a anthu osiyana, anafotokoza kuti: “N’zofala kuti akazi amaona kuti zimene mwamuna wake amawakonda n’zofunika kwambiri, koma sikuti n’zolakwa ayi, koma zimadalira mmene iyeyo alili. Umu ndi momwe mungathanirane ndi zovuta zomwe vumbulutsoli lingabweretse nthawi zonse: 

• Journal, voice-note, kapena ngakhale kulemba makalata amene sanatumizidwe kufotokoza zomwe mukumvera
• Gwiritsani ntchito zizoloŵezi zoyambira, monga kuyenda, kupemphera, kapena kusinkhasinkha, kuti mupewe kupsinjika maganizo.
• Dzikumbutseni mobwerezabwereza: kutuluka kwake kumakhudza kufufuza kwake, osati kulephera kwanu

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 6 Zosonyeza Kuti Munthu Akudziona Ngati Wowongoka

2. Lowani nawo magulu othandizira

Chimodzi mwazinthu zodzipatula kwambiri pazochitikazi ndikukhala chete. Ndi anthu ochepa chabe omwe ali pafupi ndi inu omwe angamvetse zovuta za kukwatiwa ndi mwamuna yemwe ali pachibwenzi. Magulu othandizira, kaya pa intaneti kapena pamasom'pamaso, amasiya kudzipatula ndikukulolani kuti muwone kuti si inu nokha amene mukuyenda m'derali.

Mwachitsanzo, Straight Spouse Network, idakhazikitsidwa kuti ipereke mgwirizano woterewu. Mamembala ambiri amafotokoza za mpumulo atamva nkhani yawo ikutsatiridwa ndi ena. Choncho, pitirirani ndi

• Onani mabwalo ngati Straight Spouse Network kapena magulu abanja a PFLAG
• Ganizirani zamagulu azachipatala omwe anthu a LGBTQ+ ndi anzawo amagawana zokumana nazo
• Ngati zachinsinsi ndi nkhawa, yambani mosadziwika m'malo a intaneti musanasamukire kumagulu am'deralo

3. Yesetsani kukhazikitsa malire

Kumvera chisoni mwamuna wanu pa mavuto ake sikutanthauza kudzipatula. Kukhala mobisa, kuthana ndi kugawikana, kapena kulekerera moyo wachiphamaso kungawononge pang'onopang'ono ulemu wanu ndi ubwino wanu. Kukhazikitsa malire kungakuthandizeni kudziteteza ku zoopsazi ndikukupatsani chidziwitso chomveka bwino panjira yopita patsogolo. Umu ndi momwe mungakhazikitsire malire:

• Sankhani kukhulupirika kwanu komwe mukufunikira kuti mukhalebe m'banja
• Fotokozani zomwe ubwenzi wapamtima umakhala wotetezeka kwa inu
• Lankhulani momveka bwino za malirewa, osati ngati ziwopsezo koma monga zosakambitsirana za thanzi lanu lamalingaliro

4. Kulingalira za kukhala ndi kusiya chisokonezo

Maukwati osakanikirana amatha kukhala ndi njira zosiyanasiyana. Okwatirana ena amasankha kusintha ubale wawo, kusamukira ku ubale wapamtima ngakhale popanda kugonana . Ena amasiyana pamene mtunda wamaganizo ndi chinsinsi zimakhala zosapiririka. Palibe chisankho chilichonse chomwe chimalephera. Nazi zinthu zina zomwe muyenera kuziganizira kuti mukwaniritse chisankho ichi:

• Khalanibe ngati kulemekezana ndi kukambirana momasuka kulipo, ngakhale ubale wapamtima uyenera kufotokozedwanso
• Siyani ngati chibwenzicho chikusiyani mukumva zowawa zosatha, chisokonezo, kapena ngati chinyengo chikupitilirabe ngakhale mutayesa kumasuka.
• Fufuzani malangizo azamalamulo ndi azachuma mwamsanga ngati mukufuna kupatukana. Kumveketsa bwino kumachepetsa nkhawa

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mbendera 21 za LGBTQ ndi Tanthauzo Lake - Dziwani Zomwe Zimayimira

Njira 5 Zomwe Mungathandizire Mwamuna Wanu Wa Gay Kutuluka

Chifukwa chake, mwawonapo zizindikiro zingapo kuti mwamuna wanu ndi gay. Kuthetsa vuto limenelo simathero a mavuto anu. Tsopano muli ndi funso lina losintha moyo lomwe likuyang'anani pamaso panu: "Mwamuna wanga ndi gay, nditani tsopano?" Zoonadi, kufuna chisudzulo ndi kudzimasula nokha ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kungakhale lingaliro loyamba, pamene mukulimbana ndi malingaliro a kupwetekedwa mtima ndi kusakhulupirika. Imeneyi ndiyo njira imene anthu ambiri angatsatire panthaŵi ngati imeneyi.

Koma ndithudi si njira yokhayo yomwe ilipo kwa inu. Mutha kupeza njira yokhala limodzi popanda kumva ngati muli muukwati wautali komanso wopweteka. Ngati simukufuna kuti kudziwika kwa kugonana kwake kukhale mapeto a ulendo wanu monga okwatirana, mungasankhe kukhala mnzanu. "Kodi pali njira yothandizira mwamuna wanga pa izi?" "Kodi ndingakhale nawo paulendo wake wotuluka m'chipinda ?" "Tipita kuti kuchokera pano?" Mafunso awa angakuvutitseni. Tikuyankhani ndi malingaliro 5 awa othandizira mwamuna wanu kutuluka:

1. Lankhulani naye

Njira imodzi yothandizira mwamuna wanu amene muli naye pabanja ndi kulankhulana. Kulankhulana ndiye chida chothandiza kwambiri chomwe mungagwiritse ntchito pothana ndi vutoli ndikupewa kuti lisasinthe kukhala vuto. Choyamba, tengani nthawi yoganizira za "mwamuna wanga ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi" ndipo, osachepera, mukhale ndi lingaliro la komwe mukufuna kupita kuchokera pano komanso ngati mungakhale limodzi popanda kusokoneza zomwe mukuyang'ana kwambiri m'banja.

Mukalimbana ndi chipwirikiti chamkati, fikirani kwa mwamuna wanu. "Mufunseni, molunjika koma osatenga mawu otsutsa: Kodi mumakonda amuna? Kodi mumakonda amuna kuposa akazi? Kapena mumakonda amuna okhaokha? Izi zingayambitse mkangano, monga momwe mwamuna yemwe akuyesera kubisa kugonana kwake kudziko lapansi angamve kuti ali pakona. Mufotokozereni zifukwa zanu zofunsa mafunso awa, "akutero Deepak.

Umu ndi momwe kulumikizana kwabwino pamutu wovutawu kungawonekere:

• Ndikuwona zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti ndinu gay. Kodi pali chowonadi kwa izo kapena ndikuwerenga molakwika?
• Ndikuwona kuti mumakonda amuna, osati akazi okha. Ndikufuna kudziwa zambiri zokhudza kugonana kwanu
• Ndikufuna kuti mudziwe chifukwa chake munandikwatira ngati ndinu gay
• Mukuwona tsogolo/moyo wanji kwa ife?
• Mukufuna kuti tiyendetse bwanji vutoli?

2. Pangani malo otetezeka

"Ndikufuna kuthandiza mwamuna wanga pa izi ndikukhala naye paulendo wake wokonda kugonana." Ili ndi lingaliro lokongola, koma funso limakhalabe kuti muchita bwanji izi? "Njira yabwino yomwe aliyense angathandizire mnzawo kuti atuluke ndikukhazikitsa malo otetezeka. Mutha kuyamba ndikuyesetsa kuti musamaweruze. Osachita nthabwala za amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena mawu onyoza.

"Panthawi yomweyo, musamachite mantha mukazindikira kuti mwamuna wanu ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Dziwani kuti maukwati amakakamizika nthawi zina, chifukwa cha kukakamizidwa kwa makolo kapena kuopa zomwe zingawononge moyo wa munthu. Nthawi zambiri, amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakwatira akazi chifukwa chochokera kubanja lachikhalidwe ndipo amadziwa kuti palibe njira yomwe angakuvomerezeni. zomwe adachita," akutero Deepak.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Yin ndi Yang ya Sexuality Spectrum

3. Dziphunzitseni nokha

Monga munthu wowongoka, yemwe zokonda zake zakugonana zimaloledwa ndi anthu, simungayambe kumvetsetsa zovuta za anthu ochepa ogonana. Osati mwachibadwa. Kufunafuna yankho lakuti, "Mwamuna wanga ndi gay, nditani tsopano?", Kuphunzira zambiri za zovuta zake ndi zochitika zake zingakhale malo abwino oyambira.

“Yambani mwa kudziphunzitsa nokha. Werengani za mavuto ndi kuvutika kwa anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kwa zaka zambiri, mvetsetsani kayendetsedwe ka ufulu wa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ufulu wovomerezeka wa gulu la LGBTQ , tsankho lomwe lafala ngakhale masiku ano, komanso momwe limakhudzira miyoyo ya anthu ammudzi,” akutero Deepak. Iyi ndi sitepe yoyamba yothandizira kuti mwamuna wanu asakhale ndi moyo wapawiri pamavuto.

4. Funsani uphungu

"Mwamuna wanga ndi gay, nditani tsopano?" Mfundo yakuti mukuganizira zochita zanu ikusonyeza kuti mwina simunakonzekere kusiya ukwati wanu. Ngakhale zili choncho, sizingakhale zophweka kwa nonse wa inu kukonza ndi kuthetsa vutoli nokha. Ichi ndichifukwa chake tikukulimbikitsani kuti mupeze thandizo la akatswiri.

Mutha kukhala mukulimbana ndi zowawidwa, kusakhulupirika, komanso kukhulupirirana ngakhale pang'ono. Mwachiwonekere, kusinthasintha kwa malingaliro omwe akuthamanga mkati mwanu kungakhale kovuta komanso kokulirapo. Akhoza kukhala wodetsedwa ndi kuthekera, potsiriza, kukhala ndi kugonana kwake - chinachake chimene sangakhale wokonzeka.

Kupita ku chithandizo cha mabanja ndikugwira ntchito ndi mlangizi wophunzitsidwa kuthana ndi mavuto ovuta ngati amenewa kungathandize kwambiri pakuchira ku vuto ili ndikumvetsetsa komwe mukufuna kupita. Maganizo a munthu wachitatu adzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa nokha komanso wina ndi mnzake bwino kuti muthe kusankha tsogolo la ukwati wanu. Ngati muli mumkhalidwe wofanana ndipo mukufuna thandizo, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito za Bonobology lili pano kuti likuthandizeni.

5. Khalani bwenzi lake ndi bwenzi lake

Kodi ndingamuthandize bwanji mwamuna wanga pa izi? “Ngati mungathe, yesetsani kukhala bwenzi la mwamuna wanu, koma kumbukirani kuti kuvutika maganizo chifukwa chokhala bwenzi lake si ntchito yanu.” Kuphunzira kuti mwamuna wanu ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kumakhudza kwambiri maganizo anu, ndipo kuchira kwanu ndi kukhazikika maganizo kuyenera kukhala chinthu chofunika kwambiri kwa inu,” akutero Deepak.

Komabe, kukhala pabanja losangalala ndi mwamuna wogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha si nkhani yongoganizira chabe. "Mukachita zinthu moyenera, mutha kupanga ubwenzi wabwino ndikupulumutsa ukwati wanu. Ngati mukufuna kukhalabe pabanja chifukwa cha anthu kapena ana kapena chifukwa china chilichonse, mutha kukhala ogwirizana monga banja kuti mupange ukwati wotseguka komwe mumapanga malo oti wina ndi mnzake azigonana (ndi okondedwa) ndikukhalabe mabwenzi abwino," akuwonjezera.

Robert ndi Janine akhala m'banja kwa zaka pafupifupi 20 koma Robert amakumana ndi amuna ena. Anazindikira kuti ankakonda amuna ali ndi zaka pafupifupi 13 koma manyazi omwe analipo pakati pa anthu a LGBT panthawiyo anali aakulu kwambiri. Anakwatira Janine chifukwa ankaganiza kuti mkaziyo angakhale mkazi wabwino kwambiri ndipo angapeze mnzake wapamtima mwa mwamuna wake.

Robert adabwera kwa iye patatha zaka zingapo atakwatirana. Anachita mantha kuti amusiya, koma panthawi imodzimodziyo, adamvetsetsa komwe akuchokera, choncho, adapatsa Robert malo omwe amafunikira. Robert amawona amuna ena ndipo akupitirizabe kukhala mabwenzi apamtima ndi Janine, yemwe wakhala mzati wake wolimba kwambiri kuyambira pamene adatuluka kwa iye. 

Ibibazo

malingaliro Final

Kuwona zizindikiro kuti mwamuna wanu ndi wogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo kuvomereza izi sikophweka. Komabe, ngati musamalira mkhalidwewo mwachisawawa, ndikupeza kulinganizika kwabwino kumeneko pakati pa kusumika maganizo pa kuchira kwanu pa chododometsa chimenechi ndi kuwona chenicheni cha mwamuna wanu mwachifundo chochuluka monga momwe kungathekere, mungapeze njira yopita patsogolo. Kudziwa kuti mwamuna wanu ndi gay sikuyenera kukhala mathero a ukwati wanu. Ngati nonse mukufuna kukhala m'banja, kugawana ubale wolimba ndi kuthana ndi vutolo mokhwima, mutha kutembenukira kunjira ina monga okondedwa a platonic popanda kukhala ogonana nawo.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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