Zinthu 11 Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa Kuti Mukhale ndi Ubale Wopambana Wonunkhira 

Dziko ndi malo osokoneza komanso osayitanidwa kwa munthu wokoma mtima yemwe amamva anzawo, abale, masamba ochezera, komanso anthu opeka akulankhula mawu awa tsiku lililonse: "Tonse tikuyang'ana zachikondi ndi moyo wachikondi!" Ngakhale kuti munthu wokoma mtima, mwa tanthawuzo, sangakhale ndi kukopeka ndi chikondi, amafuna ubale wapamtima. Inde, ubale wokoma mtima si oxymoron. Komabe, zimawoneka zosiyana kwambiri ndi zomwe zimakhudzana ndi alloromantics - munthu yemwe amakopeka ndi chikondi. 

Munthu wokoma pa Reddit amagawana kuti ali aang'ono, ankaganiza kuti ataya chikondi chawo. Koma ngakhale atazindikira kuti ndi onunkhira, adadikirira zaka zinayi kapena zisanu, akuyembekeza kuti "apeza kukopeka mwamatsenga".

Zonunkhira sizitha kukhala, kumvetsetsa, kukonda, kapena kufuna kukondedwa, koma amatsata maubwenzi ozikidwa pa chikondi chopanda chikondi ndipo amakhala apamtima, okhalitsa, komanso osangalatsa. Chikondi sichimatsogolera ku moyo wokhutiritsa, wathanzi. Tiye tikambirane za maubwenzi onunkhira ndikuthetsa tsankho loyipa kwa anthu omwe ali mgululi.  

Kodi Aromantic N'chiyani? 

Chikondi chachikondi ndi chimodzi mwa mitundu yambiri ya chikondi kunja uko. Ndipo ngati wina safuna kukopeka nkomwe, munthuyo angakhale wokoma mtima. Matanthauzo onunkhira amasiyana ndi aro. Aromanics akhoza kukhala:

• Osakhumbira maubwenzi achikondi ndi wina aliyense
• Osakhala ndi kukopeka konse ndi chikondi 
• Khalani ndi malingaliro okondana mosasankha ndipo mutha kukhala ndi chibwenzi
• Khalani ndi malingaliro achikondi kwa wina ndiye kuti malingalirowo atha 
• Osagwa m'chikondi ndi kukhala bwino kwathunthu ndi izo
• Khalani osangalala, odzipereka, komanso mgwirizano wa platonic
• Kukhumudwa chifukwa cha chibwenzi kapena chilichonse chomwe chimapanga chikondi
• Osakonda kugwirana chanza, kupsopsonana, kapena kukumbatirana ndi cholinga chachikondi
• Khalani ndi malingaliro aliwonse okhudzana ndi jenda kapena zogonana (mutha kukhala okonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, etc.)
• Khalani kutali ndi chikondi ndi kugonana, ndipo musamakonde munthu amene amagonana naye
• Sungani zibwenzi zawo zokometsera ngati zachilendo kapena angayang'ane kudzipereka kapena chilichonse chapakati
• Pezani pa mapulogalamu okhudzana ndi zomwe amakonda - monga malo ochezera achikondi kapena pulogalamu yachibwenzi ya anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha - kupeza anthu omwe ali ndi zokonda zawo.
• Ndimakonda kudziwana ndi munthu kudzera pachibwenzi chapaintaneti chifukwa zimawalola kuti azisefa anthu okonda kunyoza
• Muzimva kukakamizidwa kuti muyerekeze kuti mumamvetsetsa nkhani zachikondi, ndikunama kuti mwakhala ndi zibwenzi - kuti musapatulidwe / kunyozedwa. 
• Khalani ndi malingaliro odziimba mlandu "osachita mokwanira" muubwenzi ngakhale alibe cholakwa

Aromantics ndi gawo la gulu la LGBTQIA+. A amaimira asexuals (aces) ndi aromantics (aros). Aces amamva pang'ono kukopeka kogonana, koma amatha kukhala alloromantic, mwachitsanzo, amatha kukhala ndi chikondi popanda kukopeka ndi kugonana. Panthawiyi, ma aros amamva kukopeka kopanda chikondi, koma amatha kukhala ogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, mwachitsanzo, amatha kumva kukopeka kopanda chikondi. Ndipo, ndithudi, pali anthu omwe ali aro ndi ace, mosasamala kanthu za kugonana ndi kugonana. 

Kusiyana kwa aro-ace ndikofunikira chifukwa nthawi zambiri anthu amasokoneza wina ndi mnzake. Ndiye, kodi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu ngati muli okonda kumatanthauza chiyani? Chabwino, zibwenzi za asexuals ndi zokometsera zitha kukhala malo opangira migodi, monga tidziwira posachedwa.

Kodi mitundu yosiyana siyana ya oromatic sipekitiramu ndi iti?

Ngati mumadziona kuti ndi onunkhira, mungakhale ndi mafunso awa: Kodi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu ngati mumakonda kumatanthauza chiyani? Ndine wokonda kapena ndimadana ndi chibwenzi? Pali mawu ambiri a aro omwe mungawerenge Pano. Onani ngati chibwenzi chanu chikugwirizana ndi zilembo izi. 

M'munsimu muli mayina a aro omwe ali pamndandandawo - ndikungokupatsani chithunzithunzi cha momwe zibwenzi zokometsera zimawonekera:

• Grayromatic: Munthu amene amakopeka ndi chikondi chochepa kwambiri kapena chosowa
• Demiromatic: Ndi kukondana momwe wina amangokhalira kukopeka ndi munthu yemwe ali naye paubwenzi wolimba
• Recipromantic: Munthu amene amangokopeka ndi munthu amene wayamba kumukonda
• Akeromantic: Wina amene angamve kukopeka ndi chikondi koma sakufuna kuti abwererenso 
• Frayromantic/Ignotaromantic/Protoromantic: Munthu amene amakopeka ndi anthu osawadziwa komanso anzawo, zomwe zimazimiririka akadziwana nawo bwino.

Ngati inu muli pano kuphunzira mmene chibwenzi munthu onunkhira, muyenera choyamba kudziwa za mavuto awo mu dziko amatonormative. Tiye tikambirane izi kuti mwakonzeka kukhala mnzanu wachifundo muubwenzi wanu wokoma mtima.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: 21 Mbendera za LGBTQ Ndi Matanthauzo Awo - Dziwani Zomwe Amayimira

Kodi amatonormativity ndi chiyani?

Kuti timvetsetse chifukwa chomwe ma aromatics amasalidwa kapena kusamvetsetsedwa mwadala, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa amatonormativity - yomwe ndi malingaliro amtundu wa anthu kuti aliyense amachita bwino ndi chibwenzi chokhacho. 

Elizabeth Brake, Wafilosofi waku America komanso Pulofesa wa Philosophy pa Rice University ku Texas, adalongosola mawu akuti amatonormativity kuti:

• Kuyang'ana kosagwirizana pa maubwenzi apabanja komanso okondana
• Kutengera zongoganiza kuti maubwenzi okhaokha ndi abwino kwa anthu, ndipo ndi cholinga chogawana
• Imapeputsa maubwenzi, ubale wapabanja, komanso kukhala pawekha, komanso chisamaliro chomwe mumayikamo chifukwa maubwenzi osakhala achikondi samawonedwa ngati ofunikira ngati okondana.
• Zimalimbikitsa chikhalidwe kuti okondana wina ndi mzake amatimaliza
• Zimapangitsa kukhala kovuta kulingalira moyo wachimwemwe popanda chibwenzi, ndipo kumapangitsa kuti pakhale chitsenderezo chachikulu chopeza wokondedwa

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit amagawana kuti amatonormativity ndi "kuzindikiritsa ndi munthu wopeka yemwe safuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi wina aliyense, kungopeza anthu ambiri akumunyoza kukana pempho la deti. "

Chibwenzi Chokoma - Ndi Maubwenzi Otani Amasankha Zonunkhira? 

Aros sangamve chikondi chachikondi kwa okondedwa awo. Koma tonse tikudziwa kuti anthu amalowa muubwenzi chifukwa cha zambiri kuposa zachikondi. Ubwenzi, kusasinthasintha, chitetezo, kudalirika, kugawana ndalama, kugawana nyumba, kumanga moyo ndi chithandizo pamodzi, kukhala ndi mwana, chilakolako chogonana, ndi zina zotero zonse ndi zifukwa zomveka zokhalira ndi bwenzi.

Izi ndi mitundu ya maubwenzi onunkhira omwe munthu angasankhe:

• Squishes: Chibwenzi chokoma mtima chimayamba ndi kuphwanya kwa platonic. Izi zimatchedwa 'squishes' ndipo zimatha kukhala ubale wabwino wa queerplatonic
• Mgwirizano wa Queerplatonic: Awa ndi maubwenzi apamtima/patsogolo pomwe anthu amawoneka ngati ali muubwenzi wachikhalidwe, wachikondi, koma wopanda chikondi ndi kugonana. Atha kukhala ndi udindo wogawana, mwana, kapena nyumba limodzi
• Abwenzi opeza cholowa: Ena ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amakonda kukhala ndi mabwenzi apamtima. Mwanjira iyi, amakhala ndi chiyanjano chokongola, chachikondi, chokhudzidwa ndi munthu yemwe amamukonda koma popanda kudzipereka kapena manja achikondi.
• Kuchita zibwenzi mwachisawawa kudzera pa mapulogalamu okonda zibwenzi: Popeza kuti ma aros ena safuna kukondedwa, amakhala okondwa kukwaniritsa zokhumba zawo zakugonana mwa kuchita chibwenzi wamba m'njira yotetezeka, yathanzi.
• Maubwenzi a Polyamorous: Kukula kwa maubale a polyamorous ndiakulu kwambiri komanso amunthu payekha kotero kuti aliyense atha kupanga ubale watsopano mkati mwake. Izi zimapereka ufulu wochuluka wofufuza, kupeza chiyanjano, ndi kulimbikitsa dongosolo lothandizira
• Zibwenzi zonunkhiritsa zimathanso kubweretsa banja/chibwenzi: Aromantics amakwatirana kapena kuyanjana ndi wina malinga ndi zikhalidwe, chikondi, ndi zolinga zokhazikika

Malinga ndi izi nkhani yolembedwa ndi munthu wa aro-ace, m'dera lathu, maubwenzi ochuluka amapangidwa momwe maubwenzi okondana ali pamwamba, ndipo maubwenzi osakhala achikondi amakhalapo pansi pake. Aros amatsutsa izi bwino komanso pafupipafupi.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mitundu Yosiyanasiyana Ya Maubwenzi | Dziwani Zanu!

Zinthu 11 Zomwe Muyenera Kuzikumbukira Musanalowe Muubwenzi Wokoma

Chifukwa chake mwaganiza kuti: "Ndili pachibwenzi ndi onunkhira." Ndipo ngati ndinu alloromantic, ndiye kuti kucheza ndi munthu wokoma kumabwera ndi zovuta zake zapadera. Ambiri aiwo amakhudzana ndi kukonzanso malingaliro anu achikondi opanda chiyembekezo. Nazi zina zomwe muyenera kukumbukira musanalowe pachibwenzi chokoma:

1. Onetsetsani kuti wokondedwa wanu akufuna kukhala paubwenzi ndi inu

Inde. Anthu ena onunkhira, chifukwa chokakamizika kuti ayambe kukondana, amalowa m'mabwenzi achikondi kuti angofanana nawo. Monga protagonist wa Masitolo Osavuta Mayi by Sayaka Murata. Ngati sanavomereze zomwe amakonda, ubale wanu ndi munthuyu ungawoneke motere:

• Ngakhale atakhala ndi chikondi kuchotsedwa kwa mnzako, ngakhale machitidwe ake atawapangitsa kukhala omvetsa chisoni, kuwafooketsa kapena kuwathamangitsa, amayesa kukhalabe paubwenzi wodzipereka ndi inu kwa nthawi yayitali momwe angathere.
• Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukakamizidwa kuti akuuzeni kuti amakukondani kuti mukhale osangalala komanso kuti chibwenzicho chipitirire.

Ndiye mutadziwa za chikondi chawo, Afunseni momwe amamvera muubwenzi wodziperekawu, ndi zomwe akufunikira. Ngati zosowa zanu zikugwirizana, auzeni kuti palibe vuto ngati sakukopeka ndi kugonana. Atsimikizireni za kudzipereka kwanu mosasamala kanthu za chikondi chawo.

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2. Zibwenzi zonunkhiritsa zingafune kuti muphunzire, kuphunzira, ndi kusaphunzira

Asexuality ndi aromanticism ndi zidziwitso zatsopano ndipo nthawi zambiri sizimvetsetsedwa. Pali nthano zambiri komanso kusalana pakati pa anthu onunkhira. Ndi udindo wanu kuti muyambe kukonza malingaliro anu ndi zomwe mumazikonda pazachikondi, ubwenzi, ndi kudziwika kuti ndinu ndani. Kuti muyendetse pachibwenzi ngati bwenzi la munthu wokoma mtima, mutha kuwerenganso za kusokonekera kwa ubale.

Phunzirani momwe mungathere za gulu la aro kudzera pamapulatifomu a pa intaneti, funsani mafunso, werengani mabuku okhala ndi zilembo zokongola ndi zolemba, onerani makanema, kuyang'ana masamba onunkhira komanso osagonana, mvetserani kwa anthu omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino, ndikunyoza zibwenzi zokometsera.  

3. Musakhale aurophobic muubwenzi wanu ponamizira kuti 'nkhawa'

Osawonetsa kuti ndinu wokonda / mnzanu, ndikuwonjezera kuti, "Ndikunena izi chifukwa ndimasamala." Nawu mndandanda wa zomwe OSATI kunena kwa iwo akabwera kwa inu:

• “Muzithetsa, ndi gawo chabe”
• “Mwakhumudwa chifukwa ubwenzi wanu wakale sunayende bwino”
• “Ukungoopa kusweka mtima”
• “Ndinu mantha kukhala pachibwenzi, sichoncho?”
• “N’zoona kuti ungakopeke ndi chibwenzi!
• “Simunakumanepo ndi munthu woyenera”
• “Izi sizachilendo kapena sizachilendo, musalankhule chonchi”
• "Simukupanga nzeru, muyenera kulankhula ndi dokotala kapena dokotala"
• “Palibe amene angakuchititseni chibwenzi ngati mupitiriza kukhulupirira zimenezi”

4. Muyenera kukhala bwenzi loopsa la aro

Ngati mnzanuyo sangathe kutenga nawo mbali pazokambirana zamagulu zamitundu yachikondi ndikuphwanya aliyense akuwoneka kuti ndi katswiri, akhoza kuweruzidwa, kupatulidwa, kapena kuchitiridwa chifundo chifukwa cha 'kusweka' kwawo. Aimirireni ngati izi zichitika pamaso panu. Phunzitsaninso ena. Muubwenzi wokoma, khalani bwenzi la mnzanu mwachinsinsi komanso poyera. 

Pezani kudzoza kuchokera ku mndandanda wa Netflix, Lachitatu. Munthu wapakati nthawi zonse wakhala chizindikiro cha aro-ace. M’nkhani ina, iye anati, “Sindidzagwa m’chikondi” m’nkhani yake yosonyeza kusakhulupilika. Chochitikachi chinakhala chodziwika pakati pa anthu amtundu wa ace-aro. Anali okondwa kuona wina ali pachibwenzi ndikukhalapo popanda kufunikira kugwa mchikondi. Wokondedwa wanu kwenikweni ndi Lachitatu lanu, wakupha pang'ono.

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5. Khazikitsani zosowa, malire, ndi zoyembekeza musanalowe pachibwenzi chokoma

Kambiranani mosalekeza musanasankhe kudzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake. Kodi uwu ndi ubale wamba kapena wachibale? Kodi nonse ndinu abwenzi omwe muli ndi phindu? Kodi ziyembekezo ndi zosowa ndi zotani? Komanso, funsani: 

• Kodi amakonda kukumbatirana? Kodi zimafunikira zochitika zinazake?
• Kodi amakonda kupsopsona m'malo osagonana? 
• Kodi malire awo ndi otani ndi manja awa?
• Kodi malingaliro anu a tsiku angawoneke bwanji, kunena, kumapeto kwa sabata mwachisawawa kapena nthawi zachikondi/masiku ngati tsiku la Valentine? 
• Kodi ali bwino bwanji ndi ziwonetsero zachikondi?
• Nanga bwanji za kugonana?
• Kodi ubale wawo ndi chiyani? 
• Kodi mukufunikira kutsimikiziridwa ndi mawu za kudzipereka kwawo kwa inu kamodzi mu kanthawi (ngati sali m'chikondi ndi inu)? 

Sexologist Carol Queen (Ph.D.) imati: “Ndi lingaliro labwinodi kuti munthu aro (kapena munthu aliyense) adziŵe momvekera bwino momwe angathere ponena za zimene akufuna pachibwenzi ndi moyo.” Mwakutero, iwo adzatha kupeza mabwenzi oyenerera, kumveketsa bwino zimene akufuna, kuika maganizo ake onse, ndi malire, ndi kumanga moyo umene akufuna ndi chilolezo chodziŵa kaamba ka ena.”

6. Kambiranani za polyamory/ubwenzi womasuka musanayambe chibwenzi ndi munthu wokoma mtima

Ngati ndinu alloromantic ndipo mukufuna kubwera ndi dongosolo logwirizana kuti zosowa zanu zachikondi zikwaniritsidwe kwina, lankhulani ndi mnzanuyo musanayambe. Nonse mutha kusankha paubwenzi wotseguka kapena kuyesa polyamory. Imeneyi ingakhale njira yabwino kwambiri yoti mukhale pachibwenzi ndi mnzanu pamene mukupitiriza kumanga moyo ndi winayo. Ngati mwakwatirana, pali njira yambitsani ukwati wa polyamorous komanso.

7. Dziwani zomwe mukupeza kuchokera muubwenzi wanu wokoma mtima

Nchifukwa chiyani mukudzipereka kwa munthu wokoma mtima uyu? Amatonormativity IDZAkukhudzani nthawi ina ngakhale mutaphunzira komanso kuphunzira. Mukawona anzanu akuchita zinthu zoipa zimene okwatirana amachita, mufunika kudzikumbutsa cifukwa cake muli paubwenzi umenewu.

Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu wokoma mtima, fotokozani momveka bwino za zosowa zanu, zofunika kwambiri, ndi zolinga zaubwenzi. Tanthauzirani mgwirizano wodzipereka nokha ndipo musatengeke ndi ena. Ndi iti mwa izi yomwe mukuyang'ana?

• Kuyanjana kosavuta kutengera zomwe mumakonda
• Ubwenzi wokongola, wapamtima
• Kugwirizana pakugonana 
• Wothandizana nawo pazaumoyo ndi matenda, m'zachuma zolumikizana, ndi munthu yemwe mumasamalira zinthu zamoyo
• Dongosolo lothandizira 
• Ubale wokhazikika ndi munthu yemwe mumamukonda

8. Zibwenzi zonunkhiritsa zitha kukhala zogonana, osati chikondi chapamtima  

"Kufuna kugonana osati chikondi sikumapangitsa munthu kukhala nkhanza. Chikondi sichabwino kapena choyera, komanso kugonana sikuli koipa kapena konyansa. Kuika kugonana ndi chikondi pamlingo wofanana, wosalowerera ndale komanso kunyoza kapena kunyoza, ndiyo njira yokhayo yothandizira allo-aros ndikulimbana ndi zosayenera za Instagram, " @theaceandaroadvocacyproject amagawana malingaliro awo mu imodzi mwazolemba zawo. 

Umu ndi momwe mungayendere pachibwenzi ngati bwenzi la munthu wokoma mtima. Kumbukirani izi:

• Wokondedwa wanu alibe mtima, amatha kukonda. Amakukondani m'njira yawoyawo; sakugwerani chabe 'm'chikondi' ndi inu
• Chizoloŵezi chawo chachibadwa cha kusagwirizanitsa chikondi chachikondi ndi kugonana sichikukhudzana ndi inu komanso kufunika kwanu
• Kupanda kwawo kukopeka ndi chikondi sikumakhudza kuchuluka kwa chikondi, chisamaliro, ndi kukhulupirika kumene amakumverani. Iwo akhoza kukumana nazo kukopa maganizo koma osati m'lingaliro lofunika kwambiri lachikondi
• Sakukugwiritsani ntchito pogonana chifukwa chakuti amakopeka ndi inu ndikupewa chibwenzi

9. Dziwani kuti akhoza kusiya kukukondani

Dzilimbikitseni nokha. Izi zikhoza kuchitika. Koma kukhala m’chikondi sikungakhale chifukwa chokhalira paubwenzi, kotero kuti kugwa m’chikondi ndi inu sikungakhale ndi chochita ndi kudzipereka kwawo kwa inu. 

Lankhulani nawo. Dziwani pomwe nonse muyima musanachite mantha. Ena aros amakhutitsidwa mwangwiro muubwenzi wapamtima komanso wogonana popanda chikondi. Phoenix, aro komanso wotsatira tsamba la Instagram @theaceandaroadvocacyproject, amagawana patsambali, "Sindikufuna nkhani yachikondi yodwalitsa. Ndikufuna mnzanga wabwino yemwe akufuna kugonana. "

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10. Khalani bwino ndi mfundo yakuti ubwenzi wanu mwina konse ndi gawo la chikondi

Izi zingachitike ngati wokondedwa wanu sakonda zachikondi. Ngati simungathe kusintha mfundo yakuti ndinu alloromantic, iwo sangasinthe mfundo yakuti iwo ndi okonda zachikondi. Musaganize kuti, “Koma amafuna kugonana pafupipafupi, mwinanso akayamba kukondana kwambiri m’kupita kwa nthawi. 

Ayi. Simungathe. Zomwe izi zingachite m'malo mwake ndikunyozetsa ndi kuwapweteka, ndikuyambitsa kudalirana kwakukulu muubwenzi. Mwina muwauze kuti mutha kukhala nawo pachibwenzi mwachisawawa ndikukhalabe m'zogonana, kapena kuvomereza momwe alili pachibwenzi.

11. Ngati wokondedwa wanu apeza kuti ali pachibwenzi, kambiranani njira zotsatirazi

Ayenera kuti amangodzibisalira ndikudzilowetsa m'mavuto akunyengerera kuti ali pachibwenzi pomwe zomwe amafuna zinali ubale wokhazikika, wapamtima. Ngati wokondedwa wanu wabwera kwa inu, tsimikizirani ndikumumva, ndiyeno funsani za zosowa zanu.

• Kodi mungakhale paubwenzi ndi munthu wokoma mtima, makamaka amene sakonda zachikondi?
• Ndi zofunika bwanji manja achikondi kwa inu?
• Kodi ndi chilungamo kwa inu kukhala paubwenzi pomwe zosowa zanu zoyambirira sizikukwaniritsidwa?
• Kodi ndi chilungamo kwa iwo kuti zosowa zawo zazikulu sizikukwaniritsidwanso?

Ngakhale zili zovuta, ngati zosowa zanu sizikugwirizana, njira yabwino yopitira patsogolo ndikusiyana ndikufunirana zabwino. Pezani ubale womwe nonse mukuyenera. 

Jennifer Pollitt, pulofesa wothandizira komanso wothandizira wamkulu wa maphunziro a jenda, kugonana, ndi amayi, amagawana nawo izi. kuyankhulana, "Pali zambiri zomwe anthu angaphunzire kuchokera kwa anthu okonda kugonana komanso onunkhira chifukwa anthuwa akutiphunzitsa njira zatsopano zopangira maubwenzi omwe sali ozikidwa pa machitidwe oponderezana."

Ibibazo

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