Mwayi ngwo, mwakhalapo nthawi yoganizira za kugonana komanso komwe kwanu kukugwirizana. Mukangopeza yankho pogwiritsa ntchito zizindikiro za thupi, mukhoza kuganiza kuti ndiko kutha kwake, kukhutira ndi zomwe mwapeza. Koma kodi munayamba mwalingalirapo za chikondi chanu?
Ndizotheka kuti zokonda zanu zogonana komanso zachikondi sizingafanane. M’dziko limene kudzidziŵa kuli kofunika kwambiri ndiponso kulimbikitsidwa, n’zodabwitsa kuona kuti nkhani yofunika ngati imeneyi imakambidwa mochepa. Kodi pulogalamu ya zibwenzi idakufunsanipo za zomwe mumakonda?
Ndizo chimodzimodzi zomwe ife tiri pano kuti tichite lero: kuyankhula za izo. Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wazamisala Adya Poojari (Masters in Clinical Psychology, PG Diploma in Rehabilitation Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri waunyamata ndi maubwenzi, tiyeni tisankhe mawonekedwe achikondi.
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M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Njira yabwino yofotokozera malingaliro achikondi ndikufanizira ndi malingaliro ogonana chifukwa ndi mutu womwe tonse timawudziwa bwino. Mwachidule, chotsatirachi chimatsimikizira kuti ndinu mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe mumam'khumbira, pamene woyambayo amatsimikizira kuti ndinu mwamuna kapena mkazi yemwe mungathe kudziwona kuti muli ndi chibwenzi.
Ndi za amene mukufuna kumukonda ndi kukhala naye wachikondi. Mukudziwa, munthu yemwe mungaganizire tsogolo lachikondi, munthu amene amakupatsani agulugufe m'mimba mwanu (ayi, osati pulofesa wanu wa Chingerezi). Mwachidule, malingaliro okhudzana ndi kugonana ndi omwe mukufuna kuti mukhale nawo usiku umodzi wokha, pamene kukondana ndi omwe mukufuna kuti muyambe kukondana naye.
Kodi inu mukuganiza chinachake motsatira mizere, “Kodi izo siziri chinthu chomwecho ngakhale? Ndichifukwa chakuti nthawi zina, machitidwe awiriwa sali ofanana. Ndipo malingaliro olakwika kuti kugonana ndi chikondi nthawi zonse ndi kukhala mu kulunzanitsa ndi chimene chimayambitsa chisokonezo poyambirira.
“Kukondana ndi liwu lofunika kukambapo ngakhale ndimakhulupirira zimenezo kugonana ukhoza kukhala wamadzi ndipo anthu amatha kukopeka ndi zomwe zili zovomerezeka pa nthawiyo, ndimakhulupiriranso kuti kukondana kumakhalabe kokhazikika nthawi yonseyi," akutero Adya.
"Monga momwe umunthu wa munthu umakhudzidwira ndi zinthu zambiri monga makhalidwe awo, makhalidwe abwino ndi zomwe amaona kukhala zokondweretsa kapena ayi, kukondana kwa munthu kumadalira pa zifukwa zambiri. Mwina anthu ena amayang'ana pa EQ, kapena IQ, kapena ngakhale zomwe munthu amakhulupirira," akuwonjezera.
Ndizotheka kuti muli ndi malingaliro ogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi, koma osadziwona kuti mukuyamba kukondana nawo. Mukamadziwa zambiri za inu nokha, moyo wanu udzakhala wosangalala. “Kunamizira mpaka upange” sizigwira ntchito kwenikweni apa.
Tsopano popeza mukudziwa momwe mungatanthauzire zokonda, tiyeni tiwone zomwe mitundu yodziwika bwino imatchedwa komanso momwe imagwirira ntchito.
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Mukangofika pakuzindikira yemwe mungadziwone kuti mumamukonda, zosintha zanu zam'tsogolo zidzayamba kumva kukwaniritsidwa kwambiri. Musanayambe kuyang'ana ndikuyesa mayeso aliwonse okhudzana ndi chikondi omwe mungapeze, tifunika kulankhula pang'ono za mitundu yachikondi yomwe ilipo kuti mukhale ndi lingaliro labwino la chizindikiro chomwe chikugwira ntchito kwa inu.
Adya akutiuza kufunikira kokhala odziwitsidwa momwe tingathere za mawonekedwe achikondi, "Chifukwa chakusalidwa komwe kumalumikizidwa ndi kugonana sipekitiramu, amene ali ndi chidwi chofuna kudziŵa anganene kuti, 'Ndine wowongoka mtima koma ndikuganiza kuti ndikanati ndiyeseko kamodzi ndi kufufuza mbali ya ineyo,' koma osamaliza kutero, chifukwa cholephera kulandiridwa.
“Anthu angadzitsimikizire kuti ali bwino ndi malingaliro amene ‘adzisankha okha.’ Komabe, izi sizikutanthauza kuti aliyense ayenera ‘kufufuza’ kuti azindikire, koma anthu ayenera kukhala ndi chidziŵitso chimenechi.
Akadziwa zambiri, amadziŵa mmene angachitire ndi maganizo ndi zikhumbo zomwe ali nazo komanso tanthauzo lake. Pokumbukira izi, nawu mndandanda wosakwanira wamitundu yosiyanasiyana yachikondi yomwe muyenera kudziwa:
1. Aloromantic
Amatanthauza munthu amene ali ndi zilakolako zachikondi ndipo mwina adzapitiriza kutero m’tsogolo. Kumbukirani kuti mawuwa sakunena za jenda lomwe munthu amakopeka nalo. Amangogwiritsidwa ntchito kutanthauza kuti mumakopeka ndi chikondi.
2. Zonunkhira
Munthu wokoma mtima ndi munthu amene amakopeka pang'ono kapena alibe konse, ndipo mwina sangakumane nazo mtsogolo. Ngati mwasokonezeka, tangoganizani za munthu wosagonana (munthu amene alibe chilakolako chogonana) koma m'malingaliro achikondi.
3. Grayromantic
Mawuwa amatanthauza munthu amene amakumana ndi kukopeka ndi chikondi, koma pa mphamvu kuti palibe penapake pafupi kwambiri monga lovestruck Ryan Goslings ndi Channing Tatums timawawona m'mafilimu. Ndiosiyana ndi omwe amadziwonetsa ngati onunkhira chifukwa amakopeka ndi chikondi, pomwe anthu onunkhira amakhala ndi mwayi wokopeka ndi ziro.
4. Wosauka
Munthu amene samva chikondi mpaka atakopeka kwambiri ndi munthu. Ayenera kudziŵa munthuyo mwamaganizo, mwauzimu, ndi m’maganizo asanayambe kukhala ndi malingaliro achikondi amtundu uliwonse kwa iye. Mwachidule, “chikondi poyang’ana poyamba” sichipezeka mu dikishonale ya munthu woipa, ndipo amakula bwino kulumikizana kwamaganizidwe.
5. Wokonda kugonana
Amatanthauza munthu amene amakopeka ndi munthu yemwe ali naye pachibwenzi. Mwachitsanzo, munthu amene amadzitcha kuti ndi mkazi komanso wokonda kugonana amangokopeka ndi mkazi wina.
6. Heteroromantic
A heteroromantic munthu ndi munthu amene amakopeka ndi anthu aakazi osiyana ndi awo. Kumbukirani kuti izi sizikutanthauza kukopeka kwawo pakugonana. Munthu akhoza kukhala wogonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha koma amangokhalira kukondana ndi munthu yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi wake.
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7. Biromantic
Munthu amene amakopeka ndi anthu angapo. Ngakhale kuti anthu okonda zachiwerewere amaona kuti jenda ndi chikhalidwe chomwe chimatanthawuza kuti amakonda ndani, kukopeka kwawo sikungokhala jenda m'modzi yekha.
8. Panromantic
Zimatanthawuza munthu yemwe samaganizira kuti jenda ndi chinthu chomwe chimawapangitsa kukhala okopeka naye. Wina yemwe amadziwonetsa kuti ndi wachikondi amakhala ndi chikondi kwa wina posatengera kuti ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi.
Monga tanenera kale, ndi zotheka kuti munthu akhale osagonana koma alloromantic. Iwo akhoza kukhala bisexual ndi homoromantic. Zitsanzo zachikondi ndizosatha komanso zapadera kwa munthu aliyense. Ngakhale mungakhale onunkhira, mphamvu yomwe mumamva / simumva chikondi imatha kusiyana poyerekeza ndi anthu ena onunkhira.
Pamene mukuyendayenda kuphompho la maubwenzi popanda kulemba zomwe mumakonda ndi zomwe simukuzikonda, mwinamwake mudzagwedezeka ndikuphonya nthawi zambiri kuposa pamene mukudziwa zomwe mumakonda ndi zomwe simukuzikonda.
Kuwonetsa kwachikondi kumatha kuwoneka kosokoneza chidziwitso chonsechi chikaponyedwa m'njira yanu, koma yesetsani kuti musachulukitse zinthu. Tiye tikambirane za momwe mungadziwire zomwe mumakonda kuti muthe kuyandikira sitepe imodzi kupeza chikondi chenicheni mu moyo wanu.
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Momwe Mungapezere Zokonda Zanu
Tili otsimikiza kuti pali mayeso ambiri okhudzana ndi chikondi omwe mungatenge, koma yankho la funsoli lichokera ku zomwe mudakumana nazo, moona mtima, kuchokera mkati mwamkati.
Adya akutiuza kuti kudziwa zomwe mumakonda kungakupangitseni kudzipenda mochulukirapo kuposa nokha. “Zinthu monga mmene tinaleredwera, chitaganya chimene tikukhalamo, majini athu, makolo athu, malingaliro ndi zikhulupiriro zofala za anthu panthaŵiyo, mafilimu amene timaonera, nyimbo zimene timamvetsera, chikhalidwe chathu, ndi zinthu zina zambiri zingathe kutha kukuthandizani kuzindikira chikondi chanu.” Tiyeni tiwone momwe mungayendere kuti mupeze mbendera yachikondi yomwe mungadziwike nayo:
1. Dzifunseni zomwe mukufuna
Zikuwoneka ngati sitepe yowongoka pakudzipeza nokha, koma sizophweka monga momwe zimamvekera. Chiweruzo chanu chikhoza kusokonezedwa ndi mbiri yanu komanso zinthu zomwe mwadziwuza nokha kuti mumakonda.
Koma pamene mukuyesera kupeza chibwenzi chanu, yesani kusiya zomwe inuyo ndikuganiza mumakonda ndikuyang'ana pazomwe mukuwona kuti mukufuna. “Izi ndi zinthu zimene munthu mwachibadwa amazidziwa,” akutero Adya.
“Munthu amene wasintha maganizo nthawi zonse amakhala wokonda kwambiri kuvala.” Zosankha zimene amasankha komanso zinthu zimene amakonda, zimakhala ngati zizindikiro.
“N’kutheka kuti tikungokulitsa vutolo chifukwa chofuna kukhala osamala kwambiri pa zinthu.” Kunena kuti umakopeka ndi munthu winawake, nthawi zambiri umakhala wotsimikiza kuti ukufuna kukhala naye pachibwenzi,” anawonjezera motero.
Chifukwa chake sizingafune kuyesa kuyesa kwachikondi kapena mafunso mwachisawawa a BuzzFeed kuti akupatseni mayankho omwe mukuyang'ana; njira yabwino yodziwira ndi kuyang'ana mkati ndikudzifunsa nokha "Kodi ndimamukonda munthu uyu? "
2. Unikani mbiri yanu ya zibwenzi ndi ubale wanu
Inde, tangokupemphani kuti muyiwale zomwe mukuganiza kuti mumakonda. Koma powunika anthu omwe mudakhala nawo pachibwenzi m'mbuyomu, sitikukupemphani kuti mugwiritsire ntchito malingaliro amenewo; ingoyang'anani momwe mumamvera mukakhala ndi ma exes anu.
"Ganizirani za malingaliro akale omwe timayanjana nawo ndi chikondi, monga kumverera kwa agulugufe m'mimba, kulota tsogolo ndi munthu ameneyu, kufuna kukhala naye moyo wanu wonse, kukumbatirana kapena kugawana nawo chikondi." Amene mumamva nawo izi adzakuthandizani kupeza yankho la 'momwe mungadziwire zomwe mumakonda' komanso kukuthandizani kuti mudziwe bwino, "akutero Adya.
“Kupatula pa maubwenzi anu, ganizirani za mabwenzi ndi maunansi ena amene muli nawo m’moyo wanu.” Kodi mumadziona kuti mungathe kugwirana chanza ndi aliyense wa gulu lanu, ndipo kodi mungakonde kukhala pachibwenzi ndi ena mwa iwo?
Iye anawonjezera kuti: “Ngati sungathe kuganiza za chinthu chamtundu umenewo, nthawi zambiri ndi chizindikiro chabwino kwambiri choti simukukopeka nacho, kaya mumagonana kapena mumamukonda.
Kodi pali wina amene mudakumana naye ndi chikondi champhamvu? Kapena pali munthu amene mumangofuna kuti mupusitsidwe? Kodi pali chitsanzo chomwe chikubwera, cholozera ku zomwe mumakonda? Kudziwa zonse ndikufunsa mafunso oyenera.
3. Kambiranani za izo, ndipo phunzirani zambiri zokhudza kukondana
Mukatha kufotokozera zachikondi ndikumvetsetsa bwino zomwe zili, ndipamene mumatha kudzipenda nokha. Chimodzi mwazinthu zabwino zomwe mungachite ndikudzizungulira ndi anthu amalingaliro ofanana. Gwiritsani ntchito intaneti, sangalalani ndi maphunziro anu akale ndipo kambiranani ndi anthu omwe amakayikiranso mawonekedwe awo achikondi.
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4. Simuyenera kuchita zomwe mukuyembekezera
Kumapeto kwa tsiku, yankho la "momwe mungadziwire chikondi chanu" liri bwino komanso moona mtima mkati mwanu. Chifukwa chakuti mungakhale ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kukhala wosiyana kwambiri ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.
"Ngakhale kuti dzikoli likusintha mofulumira, pali malo ambiri omwe amaona kuti munthu ndi wosiyana ndi wachilendo." M'malo motsatira zomwe zikukuchitikirani, khalani osasunthika pa zomwe mwapeza ndipo dziwani kuti zomwe mukufunikira ndikukuthandizani pang'ono ndi kuyimilira kuti mulankhule za amene mumakopeka naye, "akutero Adya.
“Khalani ndi chidwi, musadziike m’bokosi, pitani kulikonse kumene mungakhale bwino,” akuwonjezera motero. Mukawerenga zambiri za izi, mudzawonanso zitsanzo zachikondi za anthu omwe ali ndi zokonda zosiyanasiyana. Mukangoganiza kuti mwafika panu, khalani olimba mtima kuti mumvetsetse kuti simukuyenera kutsatira zomwe anthu amayembekezera kwa inu. Inu mumatero. Ndipo musadere nkhawa za zina.
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