Zolakwa 11 Zodziwika Kwambiri Paubwenzi Zomwe Mungapewe

Kufalitsa chikondi

Palibe amene ali wangwiro. Ndipo kotero, maubwenzi sangakhale angwiro, sichoncho? Anthu amasokoneza nthawi zonse. Nthawi zina, amapitiriza kulakwitsa paubwenzi womwewo mobwerezabwereza. Monga filimu ina iliyonse paulendo wa nthawi, muyenera kukhala tsiku lomwelo kubwereza, mpaka mutapeza bwino. Koma mukupeza bwino bwanji? Kodi pali bukhu lotsogolera munthu akalowa muubwenzi? Inde, alipo. Ndipo izi zikupita…Phunzirani ku zolakwika zomwe zimachitika nthawi zambiri paubwenzi kuti mutha kuyesetsa kuti mudzipulumutse ku kusweka mtima!

Popeza nkhani ya maubwenzi osayenera ndizovuta ndipo zothetsera zake zimakhala zovuta, timazilemba mothandizidwa ndi psychotherapist. Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Amagawana zowona, zanzeru zomwe adaziwona ngati othandizira paubwenzi kuti akuthandizeni kumvetsetsa momwe mungapewere zolakwika zina zomwe zimachitika paubwenzi.

Zolakwa 11 Zofala Kwambiri Paubwenzi Zomwe Mungapewe

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Mwina mukutenga bwenzi lanu mosasamala. Kapena kungokhala mwaukali ndi iwo. Mwinamwake simungathe kudziikira malire abwino. Kapena mumakayikira ubale wanu kwambiri. Mwina simukudziŵa n’komwe za mavuto onsewa. Ngati mwapeza njira zodziwonetsera nokha, zidzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa bwino ubale wanu.

Choncho, m’malo mopeza zolakwika m’dzikoli, tiyeni tidzifunse kuti, kodi tingatani bwino? Kodi tingawongolere bwanji okondedwa athu? Kodi ndi zolakwika ziti zomwe tiyenera kupewa? Nawa mayankho a mafunso oterowo. Pansipa pali zolakwika 11 zomwe zimachitika kwambiri paubwenzi zomwe mungapewe:

1. Kuyesera kusintha bwenzi lanu

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza bwino kwambiri pamene akunena kuti: “Wopezerera ena ndiye munthu wapoizoni kwambiri kuposa wina aliyense. Monga akunenera, kusalola mnzako kukhala munthu wake ndikofanana ndi kumupezerera.

Kotero, chimodzi mwazolakwika zaubwenzi zoyamba zomwe zingasinthe mosavuta kukhala chitsanzo - kuona mnzanuyo ngati *munthu amene akufunika kukonza *. Sitikunena za chizolowezi chawo chosabwezeretsa chimbudzi cha chimbudzi. Koma, tili okhudzidwa kwambiri pano ndi inu kuyesa kusintha munthuyo kwenikweni ndikuyembekeza kumuumba malinga ndi malingaliro anu oti bwenzi labwino liyenera kukhala.

Ngati china chake chokhudza iye chikukuvutitsani, mutha kufotokoza malingaliro anu mwachiwonekere koma kuyesa kukakamiza makhalidwe anu pa iwo ndikopanda chilungamo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mumadana ndi kusuta, kusuta, kapena kumwa mowa, mukhoza kuwadziwitsa. Koma ndiye, chosankha chosiya kapena ayi ndi chawo choyenera kupanga, osati chanu.

2. Chimodzi mwazolakwika zomwe zimachitika paubwenzi - kuwonetsera zakale pa iwo

Pali mwambi wosangalatsa wakuti: “Ukapanda kuchiritsa zimene zakupweteka, udzakhetsa magazi anthu amene sanakudule.” Sikophweka kuthetsa ubwenzi wolimba ndi munthu wakale. Ndipotu, a kafukufuku (zotengedwa ndi anthu 1,000) zimasonyeza kuti anthu okwatirana nawonso amatengeka kwambiri. Pafupifupi magawo awiri mwa atatu mwa omwe adatenga nawo gawo adavomereza kuti wakale wawo amakhala m'malingaliro awo nthawi zambiri, ndipo 36% adanena kuti kugwirizana kwawo ndi wakale wawo kumasokoneza ukwati wawo.

Chimodzi mwa zolakwika zodziwika bwino m'maubwenzi achikondi ndikunyamula katundu wakale ndikuzitaya pa wokondedwa wanu wapano. Muyenera kukumbukira kuti munthu aliyense ndi wosiyana ndipo muyenera kusiya kuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo agwirizane ndi wina. Izi zidzawapangitsa kukhala okhumudwa komanso odzikayikira. Chotero, monga momwe Oprah Winfrey akunenera, “Pezani.

3. Kuchithamangitsa

Research wasonyeza kuti kuchita zinthu pang'onopang'ono kumabweretsa chiyanjano chakuya muubwenzi. Kafukufukuyu akuwonetsa kuti kuthamangira muubwenzi wogonana kumatha kusokoneza m'malo mobweretsa zotsatira zabwino. Kutenga pang'onopang'ono kumakhala kopindulitsa (ndikudziwa kuti kumafuna kudziletsa kwakukulu, koma kudzakhala koyenera).

Kukoka zida wachisanu pa magawo oyambirira ndi chimodzi mwa tingachipeze powerenga ubale woyamba zolakwa. Hei, tenga pang'onopang'ono. Musakhale okhwima kwambiri, posachedwa kwambiri. Lolani kuti isinthe mwachilengedwe kukhala chinthu chokongola komanso chokhalitsa. Osayika okondedwa anu pamalo pobweretsa tsogolo, mobwerezabwereza, asanakonzekere kutenga zinthu kupita kumlingo wina. M'malo mwake, pezani njira zothetsera nkhawa za ubale.

Muyenera kukhala mu nthawi ndi kusangalala panopa. Simuzipezanso! Ngati ubongo wanu woganiza mopambanitsa umabweretsa kufunsa mafunso ongoyerekeza ngati "Bwanji ngati sitikhala mumzinda womwewo m'zaka zisanu?" kapena “Bwanji ngati mabanja athu sakugwirizana wina ndi mnzake, zaka zisanu ndi zitatu kuchokera pano?”, chonde IMANI! Pumirani mozama.

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Mumadziwa zomwe zimachitika kawirikawiri. Moyo sumayenda motsatira dongosolo. Mutha kudzikonzekera nokha ku zovuta zina zongopeka pokhapokha mutakumana ndi zovuta zina zonse - omwe simunawawone akubwera! Mwachitsanzo, mumada nkhawa kuti makolo anu savomereza chipembedzo cha mnzanuyo pakapita zaka zambiri. Nanga ubalewo umatha bwanji? Mnzanuyo amatha kukunyengererani. Simunazione zikubwera, si choncho? Choncho siyani ndi kukonzekera konse.

infographic pa zolakwa za ubale wamba — Zolakwa 11 Zodziwika Kwambiri Paubwenzi Zomwe Mungapewe

4. Kuzolowera kumenyana

Ndewu zonse zimatengera kutentha komanso kuzizira. Dr. Bhonsle akuti, “Moyo si nyimbo ya Katy Perry”, ndipo sindinavomereze zambiri. Kusasinthasintha m'makhalidwe ndi chizindikiro cha maubwenzi abwino. Ubale wapoizoni umasinthasintha pakati pa kukondana kenako ndikuchoka.

Inde, ndi kumwerekera! Mukangoyamba kukangana pachinthu chilichonse chaching'ono, palibe kubwerera. Ndinalakwitsa muubwenzi wanga ndipo chikondi changa chinatha. Ndinayamba chizolowezi chochita masewero otembereredwa ndi Mulungu. Ndinkakonda kumukwiyira. Ndipo ine ndinkakonda izo pamene iye ankayesera kundipanga izo kwa ine. Ndani sakonda kugonana kodzipakapaka? Ndinayamba kukondana ndi kawopsedwe, osazindikira.

Ndikhulupirireni, musagwere mumsampha uwu. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zolakwika zaubwenzi zomwe ziyenera kupewedwa. Sizidzangopha chikondicho komanso zidzakusiyani mukumva kuti ndinu wopanda pake komanso wotopa kwambiri m’kupita kwa nthaŵi. Choncho, nthawi iliyonse mukayesedwa kuti munene chinachake chimene simungathe kubwereza pambuyo pake, luma lilime lanu, ndi kukana chilakolakocho.

5. Kusatha kupanga malire

Research akuwonetsa kuti kusakwanira bwino kwa moyo wantchito kumadutsa mu ubale wamunthu. Anthu amakonda kugwira ntchito mopambanitsa, amakhala ndi nkhawa ndiyeno amangotengera anzawo. Kotero, chimodzi mwazolakwika zaubwenzi zomwe munthu amapanga ndikulephera kupeza mgwirizano woyenerera. Ubale umasokonekera pakakhala kusamvana. Ntchito ndi ubale, banja ndi ubale, abwenzi ndi ubale, nthawi yanga ndi ubale…mndandanda ukupita. Kuti mupeze malire, muyenera kuyika mosamala khama mu ubale, sizimangochitika zokha.

Maubwenzi abwino amawonongeka mwadzidzidzi, chifukwa chosowa kasamalidwe ka nthawi komanso luso loyipa la bungwe. Kuchita chilichonse mumlingo woyenera ndicho chinsinsi cha chisangalalo m'paradaiso wanu wachikondi. Kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yochuluka ndi mnzanu komanso kudziika nokha kuntchito kuti musakumane ndi vuto laubwenzi wanu ndi zitsanzo za zolakwika zaubwenzi. Muyenera kuwapewa ndi chala chaching'ono.

6. Zolakwa za ubale zomwe muyenera kupewa - Kuyembekezera mochulukira

Katswiri wina wotchedwa Jeff Bridges ananenapo kuti: “M’moyo ndi m’mafilimu, n’zovuta zofanana ndi zimenezi, pamene umakhala ndi zoyembekeza, ndipo umafika pa zinthu zimene sizikukwaniritsa zimene ukuyembekezera. Kotero, ngati mukuyembekeza kuti mnzanuyo akhale wokondedwa wanu, amayi anu, bwenzi lanu lapamtima, mlangizi wanu, nthawi imodzi, mukuchita chimodzi mwa zolakwika zambiri zaubwenzi.

Kusakhazikitsa zoyembekeza zenizeni ndi chimodzi mwazo zovuta zaubwenzi pafupifupi aliyense ayenera kukumana nazo. Nthawi ndi nthawi, dzikumbutseni kuti mnzanuyo ndi munthu wina chabe osati waumulungu yemwe sangathe kulakwitsa. Chimodzi mwa zolakwika zaubwenzi zomwe muyenera kuzipewa ndikusakhululukira zolakwa za mnzanu.

Kodi mungakonze bwanji zolakwa zakale muubwenzi? Pitani mosavuta kwa mnzanuyo ndipo mukhale oleza mtima nawo. zidzabweretsa kukhutira kwa ubale wabwino. Ndipo kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti kukhutira kwa unansi wabwinoko kumayenderana ndi thanzi labwino la maganizo. Choncho dzichitireni nokha ngati simukufuna kuwachitira. Ndizochitika zopambana, chabwino?

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7. Kusamvetsera mokwanira

Art Rios m'buku lake, Tiyeni Tikambirane: …Za Kupangitsa Moyo Wanu Kukhala Wosangalatsa, Wosavuta, Komanso Wapadera, moyenerera ananena kuti: “Ndikaganizira za anthu amene ndimawasirira, khalidwe limene ambiri a iwo amagawana n’lakuti amamvetsera mwatcheru. Mutha kuwaonadi akumvetsera. Mumaona kuti nawonso akuganiza, ndipo akangoganiza, m’pamene amayankha munthu amene akulankhula naye.

Iye anapitiriza kunena kuti: “Kwa ambiri aife, nthaŵi zonse timafuna kulankhula mopanda nzeru, zimene timaona kuti n’zofunika kwambiri kunena.

Art Rios imamveka bwino. Kusalankhulana kothandiza ndi chimodzi mwa zolakwika kwambiri paubwenzi. Ingomvetserani mwachidwi zimene mnzanuyo akunena. Ndipo fotokozani momveka bwino. Chimodzi mwa zolakwika zaubwenzi woyambirira ndikuyembekezera kuti awerenge malingaliro anu mwamatsenga. Ngati mukufuna kuti amvetsetse zosowa zanu, zokhumba zanu ndi zomwe mukufuna, muyenera kuzinena mokweza. Apo ayi, mudzakulitsa zovuta zoyankhulirana mu ubale wanu.

Mukuganiza kuti sakupezeka m'malingaliro? Adziwitseni. Kodi mukuganiza kuti mukufuna malo ochulukirapo? Fotokozani. Kukambitsirana kwapang'onopang'ono kwapulumutsa dziko kunkhondo zambiri komanso zida zanyukiliya. Ngati dziko lingathe kupulumutsidwa, ubale wanu ukhoza kupulumutsidwanso. Choncho, pitirizani…lankhulani, lankhulani, ndi kulankhula zina, kuti mupulumutse ubale wanu ku chiwonongeko chake. Mutha kukonza zolakwa zakale muubwenzi polankhula za iwo.

8. Kusatetezeka kwambiri, nsanje, ndi kukhala ndi chuma

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa tingachipeze powerenga ubale zolakwa anyamata kupanga ndi atsikana mofanana sachedwa. Ndizochitika za Catch-22. Mukamamatira kwambiri, m'pamenenso mnzanuyo amasunthira kutali. Ndipo, pamene akusunthira kutali, m'pamenenso mumamatira kwa wokondedwa wanu. A phunziro zomwe zimachitikira ophunzira aku koleji mu maubwenzi okwatirana asanakwatirane kuti akhazikitse mgwirizano pakati pa nsanje ndi ubale wapamtima amatanthauzira makhalidwe abwino ndi oipa a nsanje yachikondi, kusiyanitsa momveka bwino nsanje yamaganizo / yogwira ntchito monga "yabwino" ndi nsanje yachidziwitso / yokayikitsa ngati "yoipa".

Momwe mungathanirane ndi kulakwitsa koyambirira kumeneku? Pofika pamfundoyo, Dr. Bhonsle akunena kuti sitepe yoyamba ndiyo kudzifufuza mozama. “Muyenera kukayikira mfundo zanuzanu (kapena kusakhalapo kwake) mukakhala paubwenzi woipa. Kodi mumakopeka ndi anthu otere? Kodi pali kubwerezabwereza apa?” Choncho, ngati inu nthawizonse kukathera pachibwenzi anthu amene maganizo palibe kapena ndi chizolowezi ankasewera kukopana mozungulira, pali zozama machitidwe ntchito.

Pofotokoza za machitidwe omwe tonse timagweramo, amalankhula za 'mitu' yobwerezabwereza m'miyoyo yathu. "Kodi mitu ina imadzibwereza yokha - mitu yamalingaliro, mitu yaubwenzi, mitu yokhudzana ndi ntchito? Kodi mumaiwona? Ndipo ngati mungathe, bwanji osadzifunsa chifukwa chake? KODI ndimakonda bwanji mitu imeneyi? CHIFUKWA CHIYANI ndimakopeka (ndipo ndimakopeka) ndi mtundu winawake?"

Kodi mungadzichotse bwanji mumkhalidwe woipawu? Maubwenzi abwino amayamba mwadzidzidzi pamene moyo wanu umayamba kuzungulira mnzanuyo. Choncho, musadalire mnzanu ONSE chisangalalo chanu. Khalani ndi magwero ena opezera chimwemwe chanu. Kodi n’chiyani chinakusangalatsani muli mwana? Kulemba? Kuimba? Kuvina? Kusewera masewera? Kucheza ndi anzanu? Kumvetsera nyimbo? Kuwonera makanema? Kuchita zimenezi kudzakuthandizani kuti musamatengere kwambiri mnzanuyo.

Chilichonse chomwe chili, pitirizani kuchita, mosasamala kanthu za ubale wanu. Izi zidzakupangitsani kukhala osangalala kwambiri. Ndipo palibe amene amafuna kusiya munthu amene ali wosangalala komanso wodzikonda. Kuphunzira momwe mungadzikonde nokha akhoza kuthetsa mavuto ambiri muubwenzi wanu.

9. Kutengera upangiri pa ubale kuchokera kwa anthu ambiri

Chowonadi chowawa ndichakuti ndi anthu ochepa okha omwe adayikapo chimwemwe chanu. Chinsinsi ndicho kudziwa kuti anthu ofunikirawo ndi ndani. Ndipo mukadziwa, kumbukirani kugawana moyo wanu wamseri ndi iwo okha.

Kugawana zambiri ndi anthu ambiri za moyo wanu ndi chimodzi mwazo zolakwika zaubwenzi zomwe zimawoneka ngati zopanda vuto koma zovulaza chifukwa malingaliro ochuluka adzakusokonezani. Ena anganene kuti muyenera kuchita bwino. Ena angakuuzeni zina. Simudziwa choti muchite ndipo moyo wanu udzakhala wapagulu. Izi zidzakwiyitsa wokondedwa wanu.

Inde, kukhala ndi gulu lothandizira lomwe limakupatsani upangiri wa ubale ndi lingaliro labwino. Koma kumbukirani kusunga bwalo lanu lamkati laling'ono. Mwa njira iliyonse, pita kukaonekera pamaso pa anzanu asanu apamtima koma dzikhazikitseni nokha mukakhala pagulu la anthu 30, okhala ndi antchito anzanu, odziwana nawo wamba, kapena achibale.

10. Chimodzi mwa zolakwika zomwe zimachitika m'mabwenzi achikondi - Kupanda kukhulupirika

Kusakhulupirika ndi imodzi mwa nkhani zofala kwambiri m'maubwenzi masiku ano. Pamenepo, ziwerengero zikusonyeza kuti pali chochitika chimodzi cha kusakhulupirika mu 40% ya osakwatirana ndi 25% ya okwatirana mu US. Ichinso ndi chifukwa chomwe chimapangitsa kuti 40% ya zisudzulo zonse zithe. Kukopana ndi kusunga zosankha zotseguka pamene ali ndi munthu ndi zina mwa zolakwika zomwe anyamata amapanga. Momwemonso, atsikana omwe ali paubwenzi wodzipereka nthawi zambiri amakonda ma DM awo akadzadza ndi chidwi komanso kutsimikizika.

Ngati mukudziwa kuti mukufuna kufufuza, pitani kunja ndikufufuze. Osadzipereka. Ingokhalani oona mtima pazomwe mukufuna, ndi inu nokha komanso ndi mnzanu. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Amangokhalira kukuuzani kuti zonsezi n’zosalakwa, ndipo “akungosangalala.” Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani amafunikira kusangalala n’kusokoneza maganizo ndi ulemu wanu?”

Chimodzi mwa zolakwika kwambiri zaubwenzi zomwe mungapange ndikunyenga mnzanu. Ngati mukuwanyenga, sikuti mukungowapereka koma mumadzipereka nokha. Zidzakusiyani muchisokonezo, mudzakhala ndi manyazi osatha komanso kulakwa pambuyo pa chinyengo. Simungathe kudzidalira pambuyo pake ndipo zidzakulepheretsani kudziperekanso. Chifukwa chake, dzichitireni zabwino ndikuuza mnzanu zowona. Kuchokapo ndi kuwatsekereza kuli bwino kwambiri kuposa kuwapereka.

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11. Zolakwa za ubale zomwe muyenera kupewa - Kukhala mochulukira komanso kusalekerera

Kenny Sebastien, katswiri wa nthabwala, moyenerera anati: “Mfungulo ya ukwati wachimwemwe ndiyo kusayang’anizana nazo pang’ono.” Zilekeni. Khulupirirani mnzanuyo, ndipo khalani ndi chikhulupiriro mwa iwo. Musakhale olamulira mwamwayi ndipo yesetsani kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu pazinthu zonse za ubale wanu. Lolani zinthu ziziyenda. Koma musaiwale kuwunika ngati ubalewu ndi wofunika nthawi yanu ndi khama lanu.

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Chilichonse timalipira m’kupita kwa nthawi. Ndi ndalama yamtengo wapatali kwambiri padziko lonse lapansi. Chifukwa chake, ngati zikuwononga kwambiri thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndipo mulibe mawu ochepa m'matumbo anu omwe amati muyenera kuchita bwino, ndiye kuti zizindikiro muyenera kuchoka pachibwenzi.

Kudumphadumpha ndi chimodzi mwa zolakwika zaubwenzi. Palibe vuto kuchoka. Simudzakwatira aliyense amene muli naye pachibwenzi. Maubwenzi ena amabwera m'moyo wanu kuti akuphunzitseni maphunziro. Ndipo kuphunzira kuchokera ku zolakwa zakale za ubale kudzakuthandizani kusinthika m'njira, kuposa kumvetsetsa kwanu.

Zolozera Mfungulo

Osayesa kusintha mnzanu
Kukhala wotengeka kale ndi kulakwitsa kwachibale
Musayese kuthamangira chibwenzi
Pezani malire pakati pa ntchito / banja / nthawi yanga ndi ubale wanu
Onetsetsani kuti muli ndi zoyembekeza zenizeni kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wanu
Khalani omvetsera bwino ndi kusunga cheke pa nsanje wanu
Nthawi yoti mulole ikakwana, musachedwe

“Mukayang’ana m’mbuyo pa zolakwa zanu zokha, mungaganize kuti ndinu chitsiru. Mukangoyang’ana m’mbuyo pa zosankha zanu zanzeru, mungaganize kuti simunaphonye. — Doe Zantamata

Monga a Doe Zantamata amanenera, musadziwike ndi zolakwika za ubale wanu. Inu sindinu zolakwa zanu, pambuyo pa zonse ndiye chifukwa chiyani kufotokozedwa ndi iwo? Zoyenera kuchita mukazindikira kuti munalakwitsa paubwenzi? Mukupepesa. Inu kusintha. Inu mumakula. Inu mumakhala bwino. Ndicho maziko a moyo, sichoncho? Kuphunzira kuchokera ku zolakwika za ubale wakale.

Ibibazo

1. Kodi ndingatani ndikalakwitsa muubwenzi wanga?

Zimatengera kulakwitsa komweko. Ngati mwaiwala tsiku lawo lokumbukira, mwina mutha kukonza zimenezo. Koma ngati muwanyenga, ndiye kuti chochitika ichi chidzafuna njira yosiyana. Kukhala ndi zolakwa zanu kumafuna kulimba mtima ndipo ndinu munthu wolimba mtima pakuchita izi.

2. Kodi aliyense amalakwitsa muubwenzi?

Ndikuganiza choncho. Palibe amene ali wangwiro. Nthawi zina mumayamba kudzikayikira, koma mukayang'ana pozungulira, mumawona aliyense akunena kuti, "Ndinalakwitsa paubwenzi wanga." Si inu nokha.

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