6 Abaqhathi Basixelela Indlela Abaziva Ngayo Ngabo

Phakathi kwezidubedube ezininzi ubudlelwane obuhamba kuzo, ukophulwa kokuthembana kunye nokungahloneli okubonakaliswa kukungathembeki yeyona nto ibuhlungu kakhulu. Oku kuqonda ubukhulu becala kubunjwa ngokujonga ukungathembeki ngokwembono yalowo uqhathiweyo. Kodwa ngokufuthi asiyiboni le nto: Abaqhatha bavakalelwa njani ngabo?

Imeko yengqondo yomntu oqhathayo ibekwe ngendlela engeyiyo. Babizwa ngokuba ngabantu abangenabubele abangaphambanisiyo phambi kokubeka ubudlelwane babo emngciphekweni wokutshatyalaliswa kunye neqabane labo kubomi bomonzakalo ngokwasemoyeni. Kodwa uziva njani umqhathi emva kokuba ebanjiwe? A kutsha nje isifundo uye wafumanisa ukuba abaqhathi bayayazi into abayenzileyo ukuba ayilunganga, baziva kakubi, kwaye bayazi ukuba bamoyikisele umntu ubomi bakhe bonke. Nangona kunjalo, abanye basakopela kwaye bayakwazi ukunciphisa ukungaqondi kwabo ngandlela thile. Ngaphaya koko, uphando lufumanise ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba baphinde bakhohlise kwakhona.

Ukanti, ingqondo yomntu oqhathayo izaliswe kukuziva enetyala, ukoyika ukubhaqwa nokungaqiniseki ngekamva lawo omabini amaqabane. Ngaba abaqhathi bayayiqonda into abaphulukene nayo? Ngaba abaqhathi bayayikhumbula i-ex yabo? Ukukopa kunokumchaphazela njani umntu oqhathayo? Masifumane iimpendulo ngokuva izivumo zabantu abaye baqhatha amaqabane abo.

Yintoni Ukukopa?

Phambi kokuba sifikelele ekuchazeni ukuba 'ukukopa kumchaphazela njani umqhathi?' yaye 'kunjani ukuqhatha umntu omthandayo?', kubalulekile ukuchaza eyona nto ibalulekileyo njengokuqhatha kulwalamano. Ngokubanzi, ukukopela kunokuchazwa njengomntu onegamist okanye umntu othandana nomnye umntu kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo obudala unxibelelwano lothando nomntu ongeloqabane lakhe.

Nangona kunjalo, njengoko besitshilo ngaphambili, xa kufikwa kwimicimbi yeemvakalelo entsonkothileyo, izinto azikho mnyama namhlophe. Kudla ngokubakho indawo eninzi engwevu yokuhamba. Ngokomzekelo, kwabanye abantu, nokujonga omnye umntu njengento enqwenelekayo kukukopela. Basenokucinga ukuba akukho nto ibizwa ngokuba kukudlala ngothando okungenabungozi xa uthandana.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ibali lezovumo: Ukukopela ngokweemvakalelo Vs Ubuhlobo-Umgca oLuzizi

Ngokukwanjalo, ukujonga iifoto zedangatye elidala kumajelo eendaba ezentlalo kunokuqwalaselwa ukukopa iqabane lakho. Ukukopela kunokuba subjective kakhulu kwaye indlela umntu ichaza ukukopela ngokupheleleyo ukuya kwimbono yabo ngalo mba. Abantu banokuba nokukopela kancinci kwaye bakuphathe njengolonwabo olungenabungozi okanye banokubandakanyeka kwi umcimbi ngokweemvakalelo bengaqondi nokuba abanyanisekanga kwiqabane labo.

Ukukopa kuye kwenzeka ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo kule mihla kodwa baziva njani abantu abaqhathayo? Lo ngumba obaluleke kakhulu omisela ukuba ukukopela kuya kuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane. Ngaphandle kokuba umntu ungumkhohlisi onamava, ukungcatsha ithemba leqabane lakhe kuthatha umonakalo omkhulu kuxolo lwengqondo kunye nempilo yeemvakalelo kwakudala phambi kokuba ukreqo lwabo lubonakale, kwaye nokuba aluvezwa kwaphela.

Baziva Njani Abaqhathi Ngabo?

• Uziva njani umqhathi emva kokuba ebanjiwe?
• Ngaba abaqhathi bayayifumana ikarma yabo? Ngaba abaqhathi bayasokola?
• Ngaba abaqhathi bayayiqonda into abaphulukene nayo?
• Ngaba abaqhathi bayayikhumbula i-ex yabo?
• Ngaba baziva beneentloni?
• Kuvakala njani ukukopela umntu omthandayo? Ngaba abanalo nelincinci icala letyala?

Imibuzo efana nale iqalisa ukujikeleza ezingqondweni zethu xa siqhathwa. Siyathemba ukuba nge ukubuza imibuzo efanelekileyo kwiqabane elingathembekanga okanye iqabane, sinokuyinciphisa intlungu yethu. Xa oko kungaphumeleli, sifuna iqabane lethu live intlungu esikuyo. Kwiimeko ezininzi, abaqhathi baziva bezisola ngezenzo zabo kwakudala ngaphambi kokuba babanjwe.

Ukanti, abantu bayaqhatha baze baqhubeke besihla ngendlela yokuzonakalisa ubuhlobo babo, beyazi kakuhle imiphumo yezenzo zabo. Nangona ukukopa kububuthathaka, kwenza abantu bazive benamandla kwaye bewalawula amabali abo okomzuzwana. Mhlawumbi, ibanika uvakalelo lokwaneliseka ngalo mzuzu okanye ibangele ukungxama kochulumanco, imincili, kunye nomnqweno ebomini babo.

Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu esibangela lo mkhuba wokudlala ngomlilo onamandla okugubungela umhlaba wabo wonke kwaye uwuhlise ube luthuthu, abaqhathi bayasokola ngokweemvakalelo inyathelo ngalinye lendlela. Ukungathembeki kusenokuba ngamava asisithukuthezi, anokujika abe ngumxube othuthumbisayo wokuziva unetyala, uneentloni noloyiko.

Baziva Njani Abaqhatha Xa Bebanjiwe?

Inye into abafana ngayo bonke abaqhathayo kukuba xa bebhaqwe baze babhaqwe imicimbi yabo eyimfihlo, amaxesha amaninzi, oko kuyakhulula. Kulo lonke ihlazo, intlungu, intlungu, kunye nezityholo, umcimbi ovela ekukhanyeni uzisa isiphelo semfihlo, ukufihla, kunye newebhu eyakhiwe ngobuchule yobuxoki ukugcina iqabane likabani ebumnyameni. Oko kunokuba sisiqabu esamkelekileyo kwiqabane eliqhathayo kuba uninzi lwabantu luyaqonda, emva kweengqondo zabo, ukuba umcimbi wobomi bonke unqabile kwaye akukho mthethweni. ubudlelwane obuyimfihlo iza neshelufu yobomi obulinganiselweyo.

Ayinakuphikiswa into yokuba izenzo zomqhatha zineziphumo ezibi kumntu oqhathwayo. Ngeli xesha, nantsi into eyenzekayo kumkhohlisi emva kokuba umcimbi ubonakalisiwe:

• Umqhathi uziva enyanzelekile ukuba enze ukhetho phakathi kweqabane lakhe kunye nesithandwa sakhe
• Iimbono zomqhatha ziyatshintsha malunga nobudlelwane babo kunye nomcimbi oyimfihlo
• Ngoku, bayavuya kuba akuseyomfuneko ukuba benze izinto emfihlekweni
• Baza kucenga iqabane labo ukuba libaxolele okanye baya kuvuyiswa kukuba yonke le nto yenziwe kwaye ithulile

Ukubanjwa kuzisa umkhohlisi ubuso ngobuso kunye nokhetho olucacileyo oluphambi kwabo: ukusinda kubudlelwane kunye nokuvuselela ubudlelwane (ukuba iqabane labo likulungele ukubanika elinye ithuba), ukuqala ubomi obutsha kunye neqabane labo lobudlelwane, okanye ukushiya ngasemva ubudlelwane bobabini kunye nokujika igqabi elitsha ebomini babo.

Baziva njani abaqhathayo xa bebhaqwe? Kungakhathaliseki ukuba umntu uziva ecinezelekile kangakanani xa ekopela iqabane lakhe, ukufunyanwa kwesikreqo sabo akukaze kube lula ukuhlangabezana nayo. Abaqhathi baba neziphumo ezibi kwaye wonke umqhathi uyadlula amanqanaba ahlukeneyo okuba netyala Ngeli xesha, ukusuka ekutshintsheni ityala kwiqabane labo ukuzama ukusindisa ubudlelwane, ukutyibilika kuxinzelelo ngenxa yoko balahlekileyo, kwaye ekugqibeleni, beza kuhlangabezana neziphumo zezenzo zabo.

Ngoko ngaba abaqhathi bayayiqonda into abaphulukene nayo? Ngokuqinisekileyo bayakwenza. Nangona kunjalo, ngelo xesha, umonakalo omkhulu osele wenzekile kuwo onke amaqela abandakanyekayo.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Yonke into omawuyazi malunga neendidi ezisi-7 zeMicimbi ekhoyo

Yintoni iPsychology yabaChwebi?

Ngokusisiseko, iintlobo ezine zengqondo zikhokelela ekuqhatheni:

• Okokuqala, xa ungakwazi ukwenza ikhefu elicocekileyo kunye nobudlelwane bakho bangoku kwaye ufuna ukubaleka okwethutyana okanye indlela yokuphuma.
• Okwesibini, xa unomkhwa wokuzonakalisa ulonwabo lwakho
• Okwesithathu, xa isilingo sokukopela sifumaneka kwaye sifumaneka ngokulula kwaye sisondele, nokuba wonwabile neqabane lakho eliphambili.
• Okwesine, xa ufuna ukuthandana olutsha kuba uziva unelungelo kulo

Unokukopela ngenxa yezi zizathu zilandelayo:

• Ukungaqiniseki okunzulu
• Izitayile zokuncamathela ezimbi
• Ukuziva ungafezeki kubudlelwane bakho bokuqala
• Yindlela yokubaleka

Abanye abaqhathi bayabandezeleka, kwaye baziva behlazekile kwaye benetyala, ngenxa yokungakhuselekanga kwabo. Abanye bathethelela yonke into ngaphandle kokwabelana ngesondo kokwenyani njengento eqhelekileyo okanye engenabungozi. Abanye abazisoli kwaye banazo zonke iimpawu zeembono ze-serial cheaters. Olu hlobo lokugqibela kufuneka lusebenze nzima ukuphula ipateni ngokufumana unobangela wayo ngoncedo lomcebisi oyingcali okanye umnyangi. Ngokumangalisayo, maxa wambi abafazi baziva benetyala xa abayeni babo beqhatha.

6 Abaqhathi basixelele ukuba baziva njani ngabo emva kokukopela

Ngaba abaqhathi bayayifumana ikarma yabo? Ukuba kunjalo, zithini iziphumo zekarmic zokukopela? Ngaba baziva bemanyumnyezi malunga nokuqhatha amaqabane abo? Balala njani ebusuku baze bazijonge esipilini? Baziva njani abantu abaqhathayo? Ingqondo inokuphazamiseka ngokwenene ngemibuzo emininzi enokuthi ukungathembeki kuphakame. Silapha ukunceda ukuphendula ubuncinane abambalwa abo ngokusebenzisa ukuqonda malunga nendlela ukukopela okuchaphazela ngayo umqhathi kubantu abakhe baphila la mava kuqala. La ngamabali okwenyaniso kwaye ke amagama atshintshiwe.

1. “Ndandiqhatha ngaphambi komtshato wam” - Randal 

“Mna noBrianna sine 6years sitshatile ndabhaqwa ukuba siyaqhatha, ndamqhatha no Thixo uyazi ukuba bangaphi abantu. Kodwa oko kwakungaphambi kokuba sitshate. Ndazikhupha kwangoko zonke iindawo zokuthandana emva komtshato. Andizange ndimxelele ngaphambili kuba ndandicinga ukuba ayinamsebenzi, kodwa ndiye ndavuma mva nje, nangona ndandingekacingi ukuba izenzo zam ziyinto enkulu, kodwa wazama ukundixelela. engalunganga.

“Wandibuza ukuba kutheni wayifihla iminyaka emininzi kangaka ukuba ayinamsebenzi? ukukopela ubutyala kwaye ndaqonda ukuba kutheni ndimfihlela ixesha elide kangaka. Bendiphosisa kengoku and ndiyaphazama ngoku. Ndiyivile imiphumo ye-karmic yokukopela ixesha elide emva kokona kwam. Into endiyivayo ngaye luthando lokwenyani ngoku utyumkile intliziyo. Undinike elinye ithuba sagqiba ekubeni sihlale sobabini. Ndiyathemba ukuba uya kuyifumana entliziyweni yakhe ukuba andixolele ngokupheleleyo. Yonke imihla, ndizama ukuba ngumntu ongcono, kwaye ndicela uxolo ngeendlela ezininzi. Ngoku ndiyaqonda ukuba abaqhathi nabo bayabandezeleka.”

2. “Ndiziva ndothukile ngenxa yamehlo akhe anemibuzo” - Kayla

"Pi ngoyena mntu endakha ndamthanda ngokwenene. Likhaya lam. Kodwa iminyaka ndandimqhatha njengoko ndandiziva ndixinezelekile ngenxa yokungazithembi. Kodwa ke, le micimbi yaqala ukuziva njengomthwalo kwaye ndandifuna ukukhululwa kuyo. Ndaqala ukuzisola. Ndayazi ukuba ndenze impazamo ngokuqhatha umntu endimthanda ngokwenene. Iqabane elingathembekanga kodwa wandixolela, kodwa andizange ndikwazi ukuzixolela ngenxa yokungazithembi kwam.

“Imiba yam yokuzibophelela iye yabangcono kum kwaye ibiyeyona mpazamo inkulu ebomini bam, ndizama ngandlela zonke ukulungisa izinto, ukuba ungandibuza ukuba baziva njani abantu abaqhathayo ngabo, ndivele ndithethe igama elinye, eloyikekayo. Ndiye ndalucima uncumo lwakhe. Rhoqo xa kukhala umnxeba wam okanye ndifumana umyalezo, undijonge ngombuzo emehlweni kodwa akathethi nto, ndiziva ngathi ndiziva ndinetyala. yalonakalisa ulwalamano lwethu.”

UkuFunda okuFanayo: I-Affair Aftermath-Iindlela ezi-6 zokufumana ngaphezulu kokukopela ubutyala

3. “IKarma ibuyele kum” - Bihu

“Xa ndandithandana noSam ndamqhatha noDeb, kwaqhubeka ixesha ndade ndohlukana noSam ndaqalisa ukuthandana noDeb. USam wayexhelekile kodwa ndandingakhathali. Yandichaphazela kuphela xa ndafumanisa ukuba iqabane lam elitsha, uDeb, naye wayendiqhatha. Kulapho ndaqala khona ukuqonda ukuba uSam wayeziva njani. karma yomkhohlisi.

"Ndafowunela uSam ukuba axolise kodwa kwakusemva kwexesha. Wayesele ebudlelwane obonwabileyo. Intlungu yam yokuqhathwa yayichaswa kuphela lityala lam lokukopela kuSam. Ngaba abaqhankqalazi bafumana i-karma yabo? Ukuba uyandibuza, ndingatsho ukuba akukho kusinda. UKarma wabuyela kum. Imeko yayibuhlungu ngokwenene kwaye yandifundisa isifundo esibi kakhulu sokuba bathandane nabantu, kuba ndibaxelela abantu ukuba bayamthanda umntu. Ukukhohlisa akusayi kuphinda kufane nezenzo zabo.

4. “Ndiziva ndinetyala xa ebonisa uthando” - Nyla

“Xa uPrat waya kusebenza kwelinye ilizwe, ndaziva ndililolo kakhulu zixhathise ezi mvakalelo zobulolo. URoger, umlingane wam, kunye nam sathandana izihlandlo ezimbalwa kodwa sobabini sasisazi ukuba akukho nto inzulu. Bekukudala kodwa ngoku uPrat ubuyile ekhaya ufuna ukunditshata. I feel guilty but andazi noba mandimxelele yonke lento. Nam andikwazi ukuthi ewe emtshatweni ndingamxelelanga nto.

“Ndiziva ngathi ndimngcatshile kwaye andinakuze ndiphinde ndiphile ubomi obuqhelekileyo kunye naye, zonke izenzo zothando andenzela zona zindenza ndizive ndinetyala ngakumbi yonke le mihla. Ndifuna sihlale sobabini kodwa andazi ukuba ndenze njani xa ndiziva ndinetyala, nto leyo endishiya ndixinezelekile ngalo lonke ixesha.

5. “Isigqibo sam esikhawulezileyo sonakalise yonke into” - Keel

“Isoka lam, uSwarna, wayethandana namanye amantombazana amathathu eklasini yam, okanye ndakholwa ngomnye wabahlobo bam, ndaziva ndithukwa kwaye ndiqhathiwe, ukuze ndizibuyisele kuye, ndaqhubela phambili ndafumana i-stand yobusuku obunye. iimpazamo kubudlelwane obukude yokuvumela umgama utshabalalise ukuthembana. Kamva, ndafumanisa ukuba abahlobo bam babencedisa uSwarna ekulungiseleleni utyelelo olungalindelekanga lokundibona. Yayiyindlela eyoyikekayo 'yokumangalisa'.

"U-Swarna wangena kum ebhedini nomnye umntu waza wahlukana nam ngengomso. Ndandingakhetha njani ukumvisa ubuhlungu? Ndachitha ubuhlobo bam ngokuziphindezela ngokukhawuleza. Ndacela kwaye ndifuna ukuba sihlale kunye kodwa yayingekho umbuzo. Andisoze ndikwazi ukudlula ityala lento endamenza yona. Andikwazi nokuyichaza indlela endiziva ngayo malunga ne-cheaters emva kokuba i-cheaters ibuhlungu. kakhulu, ndingatsho.”

6. “Umfazi wam wandixhasa xa unobhala wam waqalisa ukundinyelisa” - WaseRoma

“Ndathandana nonobhala wam, umfazi wam, umama wabantwana bam ababini: wancama umsebenzi wakhe ukuze anyamekele mna nabantwana bam nosapho lwam, ndaza ndamvuza ngokumqhatha.

“Kwafuneka ndimxelele umfazi wam ngalo mcimbi xa unobhala wam waqalisa ukundinyelisa, umfazi wam wandixhasa waza wandinceda ndahlangabezana nale meko, kodwa akazange andithembe, ndenza konke okusemandleni am ukuze ndihlangabezane nale meko. buyisela uthando nokuthembana emtshatweni wam kodwa andazi noba kungade kulunge na ukuba aphinde aphile kobu buhlungu bentliziyo yakhe. Ndizisola ngoku kuphela akukho enye into.”

Ngaba abaQheli bothotho baziva bezisola?

Abaqhathi bethotho bohlukile kubaqhathi bexesha elinye kuba ukukopela kuza kubo ngokwe-pathologically kwaye yinxalenye yenkqubo yabo. Abaqhathi be-serial banokugcina ukukopela ngobuso obuthe tye kwaye bahlale beqinisekisa amaqabane abo ngalo lonke ixesha ukuba yonke into i-hunky-dory. serial cheaters ngokuqhelekileyo narcissists abajonga wonke umntu njengoko uloyiso kunokwenzeka, bathandeka kakhulu kwaye baziva akukho kuzisola malunga ukukopela. Ngezihlandlo ezinqabileyo, ukuba baziva benetyala ngokukopa, bakhawuleza bakuphephe oko baze babuyele kwiindlela zabo. Ke ukuba ubuza abaqhathi be-serial ukuba baziva njani ngabo, amathuba okuba banokuthi baziva bemnandi.

Ukuba umntu uyakuqhatha kwaye ugqibe kwelokuba umqhathe nomnye umntu, ndithembe, awuzukuphola ngale ndlela. Ukukopa sisisongelo esitshabalalisa ubomi neentsapho. Ngaphezu kwako konke, kutshabalalisa ukuthembana kubudlelwane kunye noxolo lwakho lwengqondo: ngokwenene yilahleko elusizi. Kuthatha uxanduva kuye wonke umntu obandakanyekayo, kuquka nomqhathi. Ukuba ubukhe waqhatha iqabane lakho kwaye awuyazi indlela yokuyiphelisa ingxabano ngaphambi kokuba kube sebusuku kakhulu, yazi ukuba awuwedwa. Yabelana nabo ubathandayo. Thetha nabahlobo bakho kunye nosapho lwakho ukuze ufumane inkxaso. Kholelwa ukuba unako ukulungisa ibhondi yakho.

Abantu abaninzi balwa neengxaki ezifanayo kwaye bayazuza kwiingcebiso apho baqonda indlela yokwaphula iipateni zokuncamathela eziyingxaki. Inyani yokuba ufuna ukulungisa linyathelo eliya kwicala elifanelekileyo. Unokuhamba ngolu hambo kunye nesikhokelo sonyango olunobuchule. Ngabanyange abanelayisenisi nabanamava kwiphaneli yeBonobology, uncedo oluchanekileyo kuphela a cofa kude.

Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoJanuwari 2023.

7 Ukuqhatha Iqabane Iikhowudi zomyalezo

Sobabini sineMiba yokuThemba kuBudlelwane kwaye asazi ukuba masenze ntoni

Izinto ezili-11 okufuneka uzazile uBudlelwane obuPhumelelayo obunevumba elimnandi 

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.