Ngaba Abaqhathi Baqonda Nini Ukuba Benze Impazamo? 10 Iimeko

Ukusabalalisa uthando

Umhlobo wam, uTara, wafumanisa ukuba umyeni wakhe wayemqhatha ngeyona ndlela imbi—ibhinqa awayethandana nalo lammangalela ngokuxhaphaza ngokwesini. Njengoko sasidibana ukuze simnike inkxaso kunye nokumthuthuzela, umbuzo owawukhathaza uTara ngowona wawusithi, “Ingaba uyazisola ngokundiqhatha?

Loo nto indenze ndacinga, njani kwaye nini abaqhathi baqonde ukuba benze impazamo? Kwaye oko kuqonda kuzichaphazela njani izenzo zabo ukuya phambili? Ngenxa yazo zonke iiTaras eziphuma apho zijijisana nemibuzo efanayo okanye ukukhangela ingcebiso yokukhohlisa ukuzisola kumaqabane abo, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndingene nzulu kwindlela abazisola ngayo abaqhathayo.

7 Izinto Eziphembelela Ukukopa Ukuzisola

Isiqulatho

Ukuba ukhe waqhathwa, mhlawumbi uyazibuza: abaqhatha baziva njani ngabo? Ngaba bayazisola ngezenzo zabo? Ngenxa yokuba ukukopela ukhetho, isigqibo esazi ukungcatsha trust iqabane, kunokuba lula ukucinga ukuba umqhathi ngokugqibeleleyo uxolo ngezenzo zabo. Nangona kunjalo, akusoloko kunjalo. Okanye ukukopela ukuzisola akunikiweyo. Ngelixa abanye abaqhathayo beziva bezisola kakhulu kwaye beneentloni, abanye bafumana iindlela zokuthethelela izenzo zabo. Konke kuxhomekeke kwiinkcukacha zemeko. Nokuba (kwaye ukuya kutsho kweliphi na inqanaba) umqhathi uyazisola ngezenzo zakhe ngokufuthi kuxhomekeke kwezi zinto zilandelayo:

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Nam ndandifana nawe. Ndandicinga ukuba ndiphila kamnandi. Ngoko kuthekani ukuba emva kweminyaka emi-4 sitshatile, mna nomfazi wam sasichithe phantse unyaka kunye? Umsebenzi wam kumkhosi wasemanzini wabarhwebi undibeka kwiimbombo ezahlukahlukeneyo zehlabathi, njengoko kunjalo nangomsebenzi wakhe njengomvelisi weefilimu.

Sasonwabile ukuba sisakwazi ukuba amaxesha, ukulangazelela omnye komnye kwaye siphephe ubomi bemihla ngemihla bomtshato. Sobabini sasifuna imincili, emva koko, eli lungiselelo lasebenza kakuhle. Ngaphandle kokuba ayizange. Ndandicinga ukuba siphantsi kolawulo, singaphila njengabafana ababini abakwishumi elivisayo ngonaphakade. Kodwa ndandikhumbula intuthuzelo yendoda endala endandihamba nayo. Andazi ukuba intliziyo yam yaqala nini ukujonga kude.

Ndaqhatha isithandwa sam. Hayi nje ngokwasemzimbeni, kodwa nangokweemvakalelo. Oko kwaqala njengokuqhelana nobuhlobo kwajika kwaba ngumcimbi oshushu. Xa ndabona umfazi wam okokuqala emva kokona kwam, ndandifuna nje ukubalekela ezingalweni zakhe, ndikhale kwaye ndimxelele ukuba ndiyazisola ngokumngcatsha ngenxa yomnye umfazi. Lo mcimbi ubuhlala ixesha elifutshane ngenxa yezizathu zawo. Ndingathanda ukukholelwa ukuba isazela sam sasingomnye wabo.

Ndithe xa ndimbona endilindile, ndafikelwa bububhanxa bam. Kodwa ke iintloni zam kunye nenxalenye yam ethi, "Gcina umtshato wakho kwaye uvale umlomo wakho." Ndandisazi ukuba akanakuyinyamezela indoda eqhathayo. Ngoko ndathula, ndizama ukunandipha naliphi na ixesha esinalo. Kodwa waqaphela ukuba kukho into ecimile. Kwaye okukhona ndizamayo, kokukhona kuye kwaba mandundu.

Ukugcina le mfihlo kwakungancedi mntu. Ndandingenamntu endinokuzityand’ igila kuye yaye andizange ndicinge ukuba ndinokuba mbi ngakumbi emphefumlweni xa ndimxelela. Umtshato wam uya kuqhekeka ngokungathanga ngqo ngenxa yoku, kancinci kwaye kabuhlungu kungekho mntu uqondayo ukuba kutheni. Bendimsindisa kengoku? Ngaba uzama ukuba ligorha elihanahanisayo, umgcina engazi ukuba umyeni wakhe wayekhe wanelinye ibhinqa?

Kodwa wayesazi ukuba kukho undonakele. Kwaye kwakusele kusemva kwexesha ukuba ndikhulule ubugwenxa bam. Kwafika ixesha lokuba ndiyeke ukuba ligwala ndizenzele. Incoko ngoku ingathi ayicacanga. Ndithe ndisakugqiba ndamhlalisa phantsi kwabe kuphuma amazwi. Idama liye lagqabhuka. Wahlala ethe cwaka, wanenyembezi okomzuzwana, wazibamba.

Akazange abuze mibuzo ngoko wasuka wahamba wavala ucango lwakhe. Yayilelona xesha lilungileyo nelibi ebomini bam. Okona kulungileyo kuba ndizive ndikhaphukhaphu xa ndivuma. Worst ngoba ndoyika umtshato wam uphelile.

Ngaba umtshato wakhe wawuphelile ngokwenene okanye ngaba bakwazi ukusebenza ngokuzisola nentlungu yokungathembeki? Funda ibali elipheleleyo Apha.

1. Inqanaba lotyalo-mali ngokweemvakalelo kumcimbi

Ukuzisola kwabaqhatha kuhlala kuxhomekeke kubume bokubandakanyeka kwabo neqabane labo lobudlelwane. Ke, ukuba iqabane lakho liqhathile ngenxa nje yolonwabo, banokuziva benetyala emva koko. Noko ke, ukuba kukho unxulumano olunzulu ngokweemvakalelo kwiqabane lomtshato, lunokoyisa kakhulu iimvakalelo zokuzisola.

UGqr. Tammy Nelson, oyingcali yesini nolwalamano, uthi: “Iindawo zokulala ubusuku obunye zidla ngokuzisola ngoko nangoko, ngoxa iimvakalelo zisenokuthabatha ixesha elide ukuze zibangele ukuzisola—ukuba unokuwa. bethandana neqabane labo lomtshato, basenokungazisoli ngendlela efanayo.”

2. Ukuziphatha komntu kunye nempendulo yecala

abaqhathi bayazisola — Indlela umntu aziphatha ngayo imisela indlela avakalelwa ngayo ngokukopa

Do amadoda azisola ngokuqhatha? Ngaba abafazi baziva bezisola ngokungcatsha iqabane? Ngaphezu kwesini, inkqubo yexabiso yomntu kunye nekhowudi yokuziphatha imisela indlela abavakalelwa ngayo ngokukopela iqabane labo. Umzekelo, umntu okhuliswe kusapho apho ukunyaniseka kwakungaxoxiswana kunokwenzeka ukuba alwe netyala elinzulu kunomntu okhule “ngento angayaziyo ayizukubenzakalisa”.

UGqr. Alexandra Solomon, osisazi ngengqondo uthi: “Abantu abaqhathayo nabaziva benetyala kakhulu badla ngokunikezela esilingweni nakuba benekhampasi engqongqo yokuziphatha.

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3. Ingaba lo mcimbi ufunyenwe kwaye njani

Ukuzisola kunokuxhomekeka ekubeni i wabanjwa umkhohlisi okanye wavuma ngokuzithandela. Abanye bazisola nje ngokubanjiswa. Njengoko le Reddit umsebenzisi uthi, “Ixhego lam lalisalubona ngokufihlakeleyo uthando lwalo lokuqala xa ndadibana nalo kwiminyaka engama-35 eyadlulayo, yaye waqhubeka embona ngokufihlakeleyo kangangeminyaka esi-8 yokuqala yomtshato wethu.

“Andivumi, uzicaphukele kuba ubhaqwe ngoku ujongene neziphumo zakhe, ebeyazi ukuba le ayenzayo iyandikhathaza, kodwa wakhetha ukuyenza amaxesha ngamaxesha, ebene choice xa siqala ukudibana, andixelele ukuba akafumaneki, kodwa wakhetha ukundiqhatha, wandirhintyela emtshatweni apho wandixelela ukuba uyandithanda kwaye ndinguye yedwa.

Ukuba umntu uzivuma ngokwakhe izono zakhe, kudla ngokuba luphawu lokuzisola ngokwenene.
—UGqr. U-Ian Kerner, ugqirha wezibini

4. Iziphumo abajongene nazo

Inqanaba lokuzisola lomntu oqhathayo lidla ngokunxulumana nokuwa. Ngaba baphulukana nolwalamano lwabo, okanye ngaba iqabane labo labaxolela? Ukuba umntu oqhathayo ulahlwa ngoko nangoko aze aphulukane nekhaya, intsapho, nabahlobo bakhe, kusenokwenzeka ukuba azisole. Ukuba zabo iqabane uyabaxolela ukukopela kwaye ibabuyisele emva ngesiphumo esincinci, basenokuziva bengazisoli kwaphela.

Ngamanye amaxesha, njengakwimeko yomhlobo wam, uTara, ubunzima bemiphumo bunokwenza umntu abe nesibindi ngakumbi. Ukujongana nesimangalo, umsebenzi wakhe ujinga emngciphekweni, ukulahlekelwa lusapho lwakhe, kwenza umyeni kaTara angabi nazintloni ngento ayenzileyo. Kuba wayeyindoda engenanto iseleyo yokuphulukana nayo, wayenayo into ayenzileyo ngesimo sengqondo esithi "ewe, yintoni".

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5. Indlela abavakalelwa ngayo ngeqabane labo lokuqala

Imeko yobudlelwane bomntu ikwamisela indlela abaziva ngayo malunga nokukhetha kwabo ukungcatsha iqabane labo. Ngokomzekelo, ukuba umntu usebudlelwaneni obunothando kwaye ukhetha ukuqhatha ngenjongo yokuzonwabisa okanye njengeyeza lokukruquka, unokuzisola ngezenzo zakhe ngaphezu komntu okwityhefu okanye ityhefu. ubudlelwane obuxhaphazayo. Ugqirha uEsther Perel odumileyo uthi: “Asikuko konke ukukopa okwenzeka kulwalamano olungonwabisiyo.

Ukubonisa indlela ukuba kubudlelwane obungenampilo kunokuthoba njani ukuzisola ngokuqhatha, iReddit umsebenzisi shares, "Ndandiqhatha ngenxa yokuba ndandixhatshazwa ngokwasemzimbeni nasengqondweni kwaye andizange ndilufumane uthando kubudlelwane endandibufuna ngoko ndalufumana kwenye indawo. Ndazama ukuhamba kodwa akuzange kusebenze. Wayeza kundibambela phantsi kunye nokunye. "Nangona kunjalo, kwakhona akukho sizathu saloo nto, akufanele ndibe nayo, kodwa ayisiyiyo isizathu sokuba ndize ndiphendule nayiphi na imibuzo xa ndivakalelwa kukuba andizange ndiphendule. Andizange ndikhathazeke, andizange ndifune ukuqhubeka nobudlelwane endandinabo kuba wayendikhohlakalele kakhulu.”

6. Ukukwazi kwabo ukulungisa umcimbi

ngaba abaqhathi bayayiqonda into abaphulukene nayo — Ngokuzithethelela ngezenzo zabo, umqhathi usenokuzithethelela izikreqo zabo

I-Reddit umsebenzisi Uthi, "Xa umyeni wam wayendiqhatha, wandixelela ukuba wayeziva ehlazekile kodwa engaphezulu kwe-paranoia yokubanjwa, kodwa wayingcwaba kwaye wagxila ekonwabeleni umzuzu. Wayengenamdla wokuyeka de umcimbi uqhube ikhosi yendalo okanye ngokuphuma okanye ukubanjwa.

Abantu abaninzi bafumana iindlela zoku lungisa ukukopela ngenxa yokuba banandipha amava kakhulu ukuba bafune ukuyiyeka. Isazi ngengqondo uGqr. Robert Weiss uthi, 'Abaqhathi abazithethelelayo ngokuthi 'Iqabane lam landityeshela' okanye 'Yayisisini nje' badla ngokungazisoli ngokwenene. Babona izenzo zabo njengezifanelekileyo kunokuba zingcatshe.”

7. Nokuba ukukopela ngumkhwa okanye yinto yexesha elinye

Abaqhathi bethotho kwaye abaqhatha kanyekanye badla ngokuzisola ngendlela eyahlukileyo. UGqr. Patrick Carnes, oyingcali ekukhotyokisweni ngokwesini, ucacisa esithi: “Abo bakopa ngokuphindaphindiweyo badla ngokuba neemvakalelo ezibuhlungu—nto leyo ethetha ukuba abaphindi bazisole ngokuhamba kwexesha.

Umkhohlisi oqheleneyo akayi kufumana kuphela iindlela zokulungisa izenzo zabo kodwa kwakhona, ekuhambeni kwexesha, ufunde ukutyhala okanye ukucinezela iimvakalelo zokuzisola okanye zokuzisola. Kwelinye icala, umntu ozinikele ngokunzulu kwiqabane lakhe usenokuziva enetyala yaye ehlazekile ngenxa “yeyona mpazamo inkulu ebomini bakhe” idla ngokulidla.

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Ngaba Abaqhathi Baqonda Nini Ukuba Benze Impazamo? 10 Iimeko

Ngokuxhomekeke kuhlobo lwesikreqo seqabane lakho, imeko yobudlelwane bakho, kunye nobuntu babo, ngoku usenokuba nengqiqo malunga nokuba okanye hayi (kwaye ukusa kuwuphi umlinganiselo) bazisole ngokukopela kuwe. Noko ke, ukuzisola kunokuxhomekeka kwiimeko ezikhokelela nasemva kokungathembeki. Ngaba abakhohlisi baqaphela nini ukuba benze impazamo, uyabuza? Kule meko ilandelayo:

Umcimbi Azisolayo ngawo

Wayeze kukhethela umfazi wakhe isipho sesikhumbuzo. Iyahlekisa, akunjalo? Kwaba ngathi uthando, mhlawumbi kwakunjalo. Ukuphuma kwelanga bekubonakala kumnandi, iintyatyambo zinuka kamnandi kwaye andikhange ndilinde ukuba ndivuke ekuseni ndijonge ukuba kukho umyalezo ovela kuye okanye i-voice mail. Sasifota, ngamanye amaxesha zazilishumi ngemini. Wandenza ndaziva ndifunwa kwaye ndimhle. Ebeyixabisa yonke into ngam, uyilo lwam, indlela endinxiba ngayo, imilebe yam … bendibetha indawo yokuzivocavoca ngokuchanekileyo kwempuku esebenza ngewotshi, ndiqina, ndithoniwe kwaye bendimthanda umntu ondijonge ngasemva esipilini. Ndandithandana, kungekhona nje naye, kodwa mna kunye nobomi. Ndandonwabe ngendlela engathethekiyo. Uyazi ukuba bathi enye yezinto umntu kufuneka alumke ngayo kukudanyaza uvuyo lwabo xa bethandana. Ububhanxa bam kunye nokujonga kwam ezulwini kwandinika kude.

Ngapha koko, awukwazi ukufihla ukuthandana ixesha elide. Xa umyeni wam wafumanisayo waza wandikhawulela, ndavuma. Ndamxelela ukuba ndiyathandana kwaye ndiza kuphuma nentombazana yam ngengomso. Mna nesithandwa sam sasiyixoxile imeko enjalo kwaye sasiyichathile indlela yethu yokwenza kwaye imini yayifikile. Umyeni wam, owayenomsindo kakhulu ngoko, akazange andinqande ukuba ndihambe.

Ndafaka isicelo sokuqhawula umtshato. Noko ke, umfazi wesithandwa sam wala ukwenza okufanayo, kodwa wafuduka saza saqalisa ukuhlala kunye. Ndandiqinisekile ukuba ekuhambeni kwexesha naye uza kuza. Saqala ubomi bethu obutsha bamaphupha, kwaye ekuqaleni, yayiyimilingo. Sasincokola ixesha elide singazikhathazi ngomqolo wethu, sasiphekelana, isidlo sangokuhlwa sasifana nendoda, yaye sonwabile ngendlela engummangaliso. Wayebandwendwela abantwana bakhe nanini na xa ekwazi kwaye intombi yam yayichitha impela veki notata wayo. Kwadlula iinyanga ezine kule meko yolonwabo emva koko, yaqala.

Ukuzisola kwakhe ngenxa yokungakwazi ukuchitha ixesha elaneleyo nabantwana bakhe, ekongamela umfazi wakhe osentlungwini (akazange abonakalise zimpawu zokuqhubeka), okanye ukulahlwa kwakhe njengoko uninzi lwabahlobo bakhe kunye nosapho luqhawula unxibelelwano naye. Xa into entsha 'yeyona nto inokuba mnandi ukuvuka ezingalweni zomnye' yaphela, xa isondo sajika sisiqhelo, xa saqala ukuxoxa malunga nokuba yintoni / ngubani oza kupheka isidlo sakusihlwa endaweni yokuba yeyiphi itshizi uku-odola ngayo iwayini ebhedini, 'ubomi bethu bephupha' baqala ukubukeka ngathi kakhulu umtshato wequotidian esasiwushiye ngasemva. Umdla, imfihlo echulumancisayo, imvukelo yolonwabo olwalelweyo, bonke abakhweli bothando lwethu babefa ngokukhawuleza.

Wabuyela kwintsapho yakhe ngaphambi kokuba unyaka wokuqala uphele. Umyeni wam akazange abe nobudlelwane obuzinzileyo ngelo xesha kodwa wayesele ehambile. Sazama ukuphinda sihlale kunye, kodwa ayizange iphumelele. Xa ndithetha inyani, ndiziva ngathi ndenze impazamo.

Ukwazi ngakumbi malunga nendlela ukukopela ukuzisola kunokuphelisa ngayo ubudlelwane, funda ibali elipheleleyo Apha.

1. Ukujongana nokuwa ngokweemvakalelo

Ngaba abaqhathi bayayiqonda into abaphulukene nayo ngokungcatsha ukuthenjwa kweqabane labo? Njengoko kucacile kwi-akhawunti yobudlelwane ekwabelwana ngayo ngasentla, xa ubumnandi kunye nemincili yomtshato iqala ukuphela, abaqhathi bajongene nokuwa ngokweemvakalelo kwizinto abazikhethileyo. Oku kusenokubangela ukuzisola ngokunzulu. Isazi ngengqondo uGqr. Janis Abrahms Spring sithi, “Iqabane elingathembekanga lisenokuzisola xa libona intlungu nokungcatshwa kokwenene kwiqabane lalo.”

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2. Ukuphulukana nokuthenjwa

Ukuthembana sisiseko ekwakhelwa kuso naluphi na ulwalamano oluhlala luhleli. Emva kokuthandana, xa umqhathi efumanisa ukuba iqabane lakhe liyasokola ukulithemba nakwezona zinto zincinane, kwanokuba sele likhethe ukulixolela nokulinika elinye ithuba ulwalamano, kusenokwenzeka ukuba linengxaki yengcinga engathandekiyo, “Ndiqhathile yaye ndiyazisola.”

UGqr. Shirley Glass, umbhali we Hayi Abahlobo Kuphela, ithi: “Ukuphelelwa kukuthenjwa kunokulivusa iqabane elingathembekanga, kubalaselise ubunzulu bokungcatshwa kwalo.” Oku kungenxa yokuba banokubona ukuba kunzima kangakanani Yakha kwakhona ukuthembana kubudlelwane, yaye basenokuzisola ngokunzulu ngokuzisa ulwalamano lwabo kwelo nqanaba.

3. Ukuhlangabezana neziphumo zentlalo

Ukunganyaniseki kunokukhokelela ekugwetyweni nasekulahlweni kubahlobo nakwintsapho. Xa abahlobo bakho bengasafuni ukuhlala nawe, xa abantwana bakho bekujonga ngendelelo, xa abantu osebenza nabo bekuhleba, xa ubona intlungu emehlweni abazali bakho, kuba nzima ukuba ungachatshazelwa yimiphumo yezenzo zakho.

abaqhatha baziva njani ngabo — Ukungamkeleki kuluntu kunokuzisa ukuzisola ngokukopela

UGqr. Frank Pittman, ugqirha wengqondo, ucacisa athi, “Ukungamkeleki kukabani kwibutho labantu kunokwandisa iimvakalelo zokuziva unetyala nokuzisola kwiqabane elingathembekanga.” Ukuba uyazibuza, “Baziva njani abaqhathayo ngabo?”, Yazi ukuba ukujongana nebala lentlalo akulula neze. Xa umntu ebona indlela ukhetho olunye oluphosakeleyo oluye lwaphulukana ngayo nalo lonke ulwalamano olubalulekileyo ebomini bakhe, oko kuya kuzisa iimvakalelo zokuzisola neentloni.

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4. Ukuqonda ukuba ndandithandana kwakungeyomfuneko

Ngokuhamba kwexesha, umtsalane wokuthandana unokuncipha, nto leyo ekhokelela umkhohlisi ukuba abuze ukuba ngaba kufanelekile ukubeka esichengeni ubudlelwane babo bokuqala. Oku kunokwenzeka xa ubutsha kunye nemincili yobudlelwane obufihlakeleyo buphela kwaye umntu eqala ukubona ukuba i-affair ikwayenye nje ubudlelwane obunamahla ndinyuka afanayo.

Okanye xa i umcimbi ufunyenwe—umzekelo, ukuba iqabane lomtshato linxibelelana neqabane/iqabane eliphambili kwaye libhence izikreqo zabo, oko kunokumshiya umntu ezisola ngezenzo zakhe. Ingcaphephe ngolwalamano uGqr. Esther Perel uthi, “Abantu abaninzi baye babone ukuba lo mtshato wawulinge nje eliphosakeleyo lokwanelisa iimfuno ezingafanelekanga, nto leyo ekhokelela ekubeni bazisole ngokunzulu.”

Infographic kuxa Ngaba abaChwebi Baqonda ukuba benze impazamo — Xa abaqhatha beqonda ukuba benze impazamo

5. Ukujongana nokwenzeka kokuphulukana neqabane labo

Abaqhatha babona nini ukuba benze impazamo? Akukho nto yenza ukuba oku kuqonda kufikelele ekhaya ngokukhawuleza kunesoyikiso sokuphulukana neqabane labo eliphambili. Xa iqabane lomntu oqhathayo ligqiba kwelokuba limke, lahlukane, okanye licinge ngoqhawulo-mtshato, ubukhulu bempazamo yalo bubonakala kubo. Ewe, ngelo xesha, kunokuba kube sekusemva kwexesha ukulungisa, kodwa le lahleko enokubakho ejinga phezu kwentloko yabo inokuba yinkuthazo enamandla kungekuphela nje ukuzisola kodwa notshintsho.

6. Ukuba novelwano ngentlungu yeqabane labo

"Ndiqhathile kwaye ndiyazisola." Olu luvo luqala ukuba yinyaniso xa umntu ebona indlela elibuhlungu ngayo iqabane lakhe. Ukubona i iziphumo zokukopela kubudlelwane, ukubukela iqabane litsala nzima ngenxa yokungcatshwa nokuzama ukucholachola amaqhekeza obomi obuqhekeziweyo ngenxa yesiphoso sabo kunokuvuselela uvelwano kwaye kumenze umqhathi azisole ngokhetho alwenzileyo.

“Uvelwano lunokuvala umsantsa phakathi kweqabane elingathembekanga nomntu ongcatshiweyo, nto leyo ebangela ukuzisola okunyanisekileyo.”
—UGqr. Sue Johnson, isazi ngengqondo yeklinikhi

7. Ukukopa kuchasene nemilinganiselo yabo

UGqr. Alexandra Solomon, isazi ngengqondo uthi, “Kubalulekile ukulungelelanisa izenzo nemilinganiselo yobuqu; Ukuba umkhohlisi unenkqubo yexabiso elomeleleyo abaye baphila ubomi babo bonke kodwa ekugqibeleni benza into engathandekiyo ngexesha lobuthathaka, kunokuziva ngathi bangcatshe yonke into abakhe bayimela, okukhokelela ekuzisoleni okukhulu.

UShincy, umfundi waseKapa, uthi: “Mna neqabane lam sasikwimeko embi, emva komlo ombi kakhulu, ndaphuma endlwini ndagqwashula ndaya kwindawo yomhlobo wam osenyongweni ukuze ndiye kuntlitheka ebusuku. udibana ne ex yam. Intsasa elandelayo yayiyeyona mini imbi ebomini bam. Ndabuya ndavuma yonke into kumlingane wam ndicela uxolo. Kumthathe ixesha ukudlula kule nto ndiyenzileyo kodwa kulo nyaka uphelileyo nemingeni yawo isisondeze kakhulu kunakuqala.”

amabali okwenyani-ngomcimbi-kunye-nokukopela

8. Ukuqaphela impembelelo ebantwaneni

Abaqhathi bayibona nini into abaphulukene nayo? Owona mba ubuhlungu wokujongana neziphumo zokuqhatha umntu oqhathayo kukuqonda umonakalo owenziwe zizenzo zabo/enokuwubangela abantwana babo. Xa umqhathi eqalisa ukubona ukuba intsapho yakhe isenokuwohloka ngenxa yoko akwenzileyo okanye ebona abantwana bakhe besentlungwini nasekubhidekeni okubangelwa yisiphithiphithi esiphakathi kwabazali babo, ngokuqinisekileyo oko kuvusa iimvakalelo zokuzithiya nokuzisola ngokunzulu. Kungelo xesha abaqhathi bayasokola Okuninzi. Isazi ngengqondo uGqr. Joshua Coleman siyavumelana noko, yaye sithi, “Ukuqonda ukuba ukuziphatha kwabo kunokuphazamisa ubomi babantwana babo kunokuba ngumthombo omkhulu wokuzisola.”

9. Ukufumana isiphelo somcimbi

The ukuphela kobudlelwane kunokubangela ukuzisola ngokukopela. Ukuba iqabane lomtshato ligqiba kwelokuba liphelise ukuthandana, umqhathi unokuziva elahlekelwe kwaye abuze izigqibo zabo. Ukuba umcimbi uyabhencwa kwaye ke ngoko ufikelele esiphelweni sawo esingenakuthintelwa, isiphumo esingathandekiyo seziphumo sinokushiya umntu ezibuza ukuba ingaba imincili edlulayo kunye nemincili belifanele ixabiso. Ngokunjalo, ukuba umntu ukhetha ukuwuphelisa umtshato wakhe, kusenokuba kungenxa yokuba sele ezama ukuziva enetyala.

Kuzo zonke ezi meko, umntu usenokuba nentlungu yokuzisola ngezenzo zakhe. Ugqirha wezigulo zengqondo uGqr. Scott Haltzman uthi, “Ukuphela kokuthandana kunokushiya abantu beziva bengento yanto yaye bezisola.” Ukuba umcimbi uyaphela ngaphambi kokuba ubhaqwe, ezi mvakalelo zinokuba yinkuthazo enkulu yokuba umntu azenzele iimpazamo (enokuvuma okanye ngaphandle kokuvuma) kwaye enze umzamo onyanisekileyo wokukhulisa ubudlelwane bakhe neqabane lakhe lokuqala.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Imiqondiso eyi-15 yokuba umcimbi wakho uphelile (kwaye ulungile)

10. Ukujongana neziphumo zomthetho okanye zemali

Kunini apho amadoda azisola khona ngokuqhatha kakhulu? Ngokuqinisekileyo, xa ukungathembeki kukhokelela kumadabi asemthethweni kunye noxinzelelo lwezemali olubangelwa ziinkqubo zoqhawulo-mtshato kunye nentlawulo yesondlo / yesondlo, okanye umntu ubona indlela enyanyekayo. ubomi emva koqhawulo-mtshato imbonakalo. Nokuba umntu ungumkhohlisi olandelanayo, ezi ziphumo zibambekayo zinokubenza babone impazamo yeendlela zabo kwaye zibenze bazisole ngezenzo zabo. Kunjengokuba ingcaphephe yomtshato uGqr. Paul Hokemeyer, ingcali yomtshato isithi, “Imiphumo esebenzayo yokunganyaniseki inokuba sisikhumbuzo esinzulu seendleko zokungcatsha.”

Iimpawu eziphambili

Utyalo-mali ngokweemvakalelo, ixabiso lobuqu, impendulo yetyala, kunye nendlela oye wafunyaniswa ngayo umtshato unefuthe lokuba umqhathi uziva ezisola.
Abaqhathi banokuzisola ngezenzo zabo xa bejongene nokuphulukana nokuthenjwa, ibala lentlalontle, kunye nobudlelwane obunzima.
Imincili iyaphela, inyani iyaqalisa, kwaye babona indlela izenzo zabo ezilubeka emngciphekweni ulwalamano lwabo oluphambili
Xa iqabane labo lihamba, abantwana bayachaphazeleka, okanye bajongana nemiphumo emikhulu, ukuzisola kudla ngokuba namandla

Iingcinga Final

Ukuqonda ezi meko kunokunika ingqiqo kwiimvakalelo ezintsonkothileyo kunye nokuqonda abanokukufumana abaqhathi. Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukubeka phambili ukuphiliswa kwakho kunye nokuphila kakuhle. Ukufuna inkxaso kubahlobo abathembekileyo, usapho, okanye abacebisi abaqeqeshiweyo kunokukunceda ujongane neziphumo zokungathembeki.

Iintlobo ezi-3 zaMadoda aneMicimbi kunye neNjani yokuZamkela

10 Imibuzo Onokuyibuza Iqabane Lakho Elingathembekanga

Iingcebiso ezili-11 zokwakha ubudlelwane obuyimpumelelo emva kokukopela

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.