Iimpawu ezili-11 zoMcimbi weemvakalelo-Unokuthi uwele umgca ngaphandle kokuyiqonda

Unokugqiba ekubeni utyalomali ngokweemvakalelo kumntu ongenguye iqabane lakho ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuba ubonisa iimpawu zakudala zomcimbi weemvakalelo. Ngaba loo nto ithetha ukuba uyaqhatha kubudlelwane? Njengoko izibini ezitsha zilwa neengcamango ze-monogamy, i-polyamory, kunye nayo yonke into ewela phakathi, kunzima ukuqonda ukuba yintoni ukukopela kunye nokuba yintoni na. Bajongene nentaphane yeengxaki zokuba bazoba phi umgca wokuthembeka kubudlelwane.

Kubonakala ngathi kukho ukuvumelana, ngokuqinisekileyo, malunga nokungena ebhedini nomntu ongeloqabane lakhe. Uninzi lwabantu luya kuvuma ukuba oku kukukopela, ngaphandle kokuba ukubudlelwane obuvulekileyo okanye i-polyamorous. Kodwa kwimeko yomcimbi weemvakalelo, imigca ayicalulwanga kakuhle. Endaweni yoko, zibuthuntu kangangokuba unokuba unqumla umgca ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba ukhe umiliselwe kumcimbi weemvakalelo.

Ukuqonda ama-nuances esi sihloko, sibhekisa kwisifundo sesayensi kunye nomcebisi Manjari Saboo (IiMasters kwi-Applied Psychology kunye neDiploma yasemva kwesiDanga kuNyango loSapho kunye neNgcebiso yokuKhathalelwa kwaBantwana), umseki weMaitree Counselling, inyathelo elinikezelwe kwintlalo-ntle yeemvakalelo yeentsapho nabantwana.

Ngaba Ukukopela Ngeemvakalelo? 

Ngaba ukuba nobudlelwane bomzimba kuphela ukukopela? Okanye ukuba nokuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo kumntu nako kukukopela? Wabelana nabo ngazo zonke iinkcukacha zobomi bakho, wabelana ngolonwabo lwakho kunye neentsizi kwaye wabelana nabo ngazo zonke iinguqu zakho zeemvakalelo kunye nempumelelo. Unonxibelelwano olunamandla ngokweemvakalelo nomntu. Olu nxibelelwano luphakathi kwenu nobabini kwaye ababaninzi abantu abalwaziyo ngoku kufutshane. Kwaye ukuba uyazibuza ukuba umcimbi wakho ngokweemvakalelo ukukopela, ewe kunjalo. Kubizwa ngokuba kukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo.

Kusenokuba baninzi izigaba zomcimbi weemvakalelo. Ngokuqhelekileyo iqala njengobuhlobo obungenatyala. Njengoko utyala ngakumbi nangakumbi ngokweemvakalelo kwiqhina elingaphandle kobudlelwane bakho bothando, obu buhlobo beplatonic bunokujika bube luhlobo lobudlelwane obunzulu obunokulusongela ubudlelwane bakho. Xa nabuphi na ubuhlobo buwela loo mqobo, bufaneleka njengeempawu zokuqala zomcimbi weemvakalelo.

Amanqanaba okuqala asenokugqalwa njengongenabungozi kwaye amsulwa kuwe, kodwa iingcali zomtshato nabacebisi bayavuma ukuba sisenzo sokungathembeki. Inye nje engekabinayo imilinganiselo yesini. Amaxesha amaninzi, umcimbi weemvakalelo uba linyathelo lemicimbi egcweleyo kunye nokuqhatha.

Nokuba akunjalo, ubuxoki kunye nokukhohlisa kunokushiya iqabane lakho liziva lingcatshiwe xa unxibelelwano lwakho lweemvakalelo kunye 'nomhlobo' luvela ekukhanyeni. Kungenxa yokuba enye yeempawu ezilumkisayo zobudlelwane obungokweemvakalelo kutyekelo lokuxoka okanye ukugcina iimfihlo kwiqabane likabani.

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Kodwa nasi isilumkiso esifanelekileyo. Ngoku ka IsiManjari, “Qiniseka ukuba uyazi ukuba iqabane lakho liwela umgca phambi kokuba ujongane nalo, kuba nantsi into, xa ucinga ukuba iqabane lakho likuqhathile, yonke into oza kuyibona ziimpawu zeemvakalelo ezenzeka emva komhlana wakho. Imbewu yokukrokra iya kutyalwa engqondweni yakho kwaye uya kubona zonke iimeko kuloo angle. NgokukaManjari, oku kulandelayo kukuziphatha okuyimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo, kodwa kwakhona kunokuba ziimpawu zemiba ngokubanzi kubudlelwane bakho:

• Iqabane elinye linokuxhomekeka kakhulu komnye umntu ngezimvo zabo kwaye liqale ukubethelela ubuntu babo okanye iimbono zabo.
• Elinye iqabane lisenokumoyika kakhulu omnye umntu kwaye lingakwazi ukuyeka ukumncoma ngokuphandle
• Elinye iqabane lisenokunganikeli ngqalelo kakhulu iqabane okanye iimvakalelo zabo
• Ukungakhathali kobudlelwane kuthathwa njengenye yeempawu ezikhathazayo zobudlelwane bomphefumlo okanye luphawu nje lobudlelwane obubi.
• Kukho ukuhla okukhulu kwixesha elisemgangathweni elinye iqabane eliqalayo kunye nelinye

Xa ukungafihli kunye nokunyaniseka kubudlelwane konakala, imiba yokuthembana ngokuqinisekileyo iqala ukubamba. Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukuchonga iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo nomntu osebenza naye okanye umhlobo, kwaye uyifake kwi-bud. Ewe, ubuncinci, ukuba ufuna ukusindisa ubudlelwane bakho. Ukuba akunjalo, nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele imeko yakho yeemvakalelo ukuze wenze isigqibo malunga nokuba yintoni oyifunayo kuwe.

Ukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo ngokoPhando

Njengoko kucatshulwe kwi isifundo, abaphandi abahlukahlukeneyo kwixesha elidlulileyo baye bazama ukuchaza ukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo. Ichazwe ngeendlela ezintsonkothileyo ezifana nezi:

• Utyalo-mali lothando lothando, ixesha, kunye nengqalelo komnye umntu ngaphandle kweqabane eliphambili
• Ukwakha ubuhlobo beemvakalelo, ukuthandana, okanye ukuba nomdla komnye umntu ongelilo iqabane lomntu
• Ukwabelana ngeenkcukacha ezinzulu
• Ukuxoxa ngezikhalazo malunga neqabane eliphambili
• Ukudlala ngothando
• Intlanganiso yesiselo esinxilisayo
• Ukuziva 'uqhagamshelwe nzulu'
• Imfihlo yendlela yokuziphatha ebonwa njengokungcatshwa liqabane lakho (umzekelo, kwimeko yokungathembeki kwi-intanethi) kunye nokunye ukwaphulwa kwemithetho yobudlelwane okanye izithethe.

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Ezinye zezi nkcazo zokungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo ziyingxaki ngamanye amaxesha kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo esi sisiqalo nokuba ayisiyiyo indlela enzima nekhawulezayo yokubona iimpawu zomcimbi weemvakalelo. Ngokophononongo, ezona ntlobo zimbini zidla ngokudweliswa rhoqo xa ujongile iimpawu ezilumkisayo zemicimbi yeemvakalelo: 

• Ukuthumela imiyalezo okanye ukuthetha ngefowuni nomntu ngokufihlakeleyo/ngokuncwasa/kaninzi
• Ukubamba umzimba okungenasondo (umzekelo, ukuwola, ukuwola, ukuphulula umzimba, ukubamba izandla)

Ukuhlala wedwa nomntu omaziyo ukuba uyakuthanda, okanye ukuphuma (umntu-mnye) nomntu ofumana enomtsalane ongelilo iqabane lakho, okanye uxoxa ngezinto zobuqu kakhulu nomnye umntu ongakhange uzithethe nomnye obalulekileyo wakho - ngokutsho kwabanye babathathi-nxaxheba, le ikwayindlela onokuzibona ngayo iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo. Imicimbi ye-Intanethi ilungisa ingcamango yokuthembeka ngokunjalo. Kwisifundo esifanayo, ezinye zeempawu zobudlelwane beemvakalelo zikaFacebook okanye iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kwi-Intanethi zezi:

• DM-ing abanye abantu kwimidiya yoluntu (ukubaxelela indlela abanomtsalane ngayo)
• Ukubetha u-'like' kwiifoto zabanye abantu ezinesondo
• Unxibelelwano rhoqo nomntu ongeloqabane lakho / osongela ubudlelwane / unxibelelwano nomntu emva komqolo weqabane
• Ukuthumela imifanekiso nomntu ngokuqhubekayo kwimidiya yoluntu

Ukuba iqabane lakho liyakhanyela ukwenza nayiphi na kwezi zinto, ngaba ezi zibonakaliso zokuxoka malunga nomcimbi weemvakalelo? Okanye ngaba, enyanisweni, abaqhathi? Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukuchaza ukuba kuthetha ukuthini 'ukungathembeki' kuni nobabini, kunye nobungakanani bayo. Nokuba ujonge iimpawu zomfazi onobudlelwane ngokweemvakalelo, okanye umyeni wakho uzibandakanya kubunzima bokuchaza ukukopela kwimidiya yoluntu, umele ukulungele ukuba nencoko nabo ngayo.

UManjari uthi, “Ukunganyaniseki ngokweemvakalelo kukufikelela kuvuthondaba lweminqweno enganelisekiyo kunye neminqweno yengqondo enengqondo nengekho zingqondweni. Unika umzekelo wabathengi bakhe abatshatileyo, “Isibini seza kundibona ngelizama ukulungisa ulwalamano lwaso.” Nantsi indlela okwaqala ngayo: Umfazi, ngenye imini, wayengakulungelanga ukuba neentlobano zesini kodwa umyeni wamnyanzela.

“Ekugqibeleni oku kwadala umsantsa omkhulu phakathi kwesi sibini njengoko waqalisa ukuya kulo mhlobo wakhe ngakumbi ukuze afumane icebiso aze amchazele ngeemvakalelo zakhe awayengaziva ekhululekile ukuba azenze nomyeni wakhe kwakhona.

Iimpawu ezili-11 zokuba unomdla ngokwasemphefumlweni 

ULydia, unontlalontle ovela ePhiladelphia, wabona zonke iimpawu zobudlelwane beemvakalelo zikaFacebook xa umyeni wakhe waphinda wanxibelelana nedangatye langaphambili lekholeji. Wayeza kuchitha iiyure encokola ne ex yakhe kuFacebook, ecwangcise ukudibana naye 'ezokutya ikofu' xa uLydia ephumile edolophini, waqala ukunxiba kakuhle ukuze akwazi ukuthumela ii-selfies kuye - zonke iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kwi-Intanethi.

Uthi, "Kwafuneka ndimvuse kule kholeji yokutyumza i-reverie awayekuyo. Ndamxelela ukuba ndiziva ndilahliwe, ukuba ndiyamkhumbula, kwaye ndinoloyiko lokuba ndiza kuphulukana naye kungekudala. Waphulaphula ngokwenene waza waqonda ukuba uye wawela kumgca obuthathaka. Ekugqibeleni wazibona iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo awayezenzele ngokwakhe, kwaye waxelela owayethandana naye ukuba akakwazi ukuphinda ancokole."

Kulo moya ubhidekayo, kuthetha ukuthini ukuba unamathele komnye umntu ngokweemvakalelo? Xa amaqabane amabini esebenza imini yonke, aneentlobano zesini kancinane okanye angabikho kwaphela, kwaye angafumani xesha lokuba kunye, umcimbi ongokweemvakalelo usenokubambeka emsebenzini okanye nomnye wabahlobo bakho abasenyongweni. Ngaphandle kokungena kumalungelo kunye nokungalunganga kwayo yonke into, makhe sijonge iimpawu ezixelayo zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo ukukunceda ukuba uqonde ukuba awuqondanga. ukukopela kubudlelwane:

1. Ngubani obiza kuqala?

Oku kunokubonakala kuyinto engenamsebenzi, kodwa iingcali zibamba oku njengolona phawu luqhelekileyo lokukopela ngokweemvakalelo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, ukuba kukho into enkulu eyenzekayo, nokuba ilungile okanye imbi, ukufowunela iqabane lakho ukwabelana ngeendaba yinto eqhelekileyo kubudlelwane.

Ukuba uzifumana uguqukela kumhlobo wakho okhethekileyo ngamaxesha afana nala, kwaye wabelane ngohlaziyo olubalulekileyo lobomi kunye nabo nangaphambi kokuba iqabane lakho, unokuyibala phakathi kweempawu ezilumkisayo zomcimbi weemvakalelo.

Lo mthetho awusebenzi kwimeko yabazali, abantakwabo okanye abahlobo abakhulu. Kodwa ukuba ujongela umntu wesithathu ngexesha lesidingo okanye uvuyo, unokuba nomcimbi weemvakalelo. Lo mntu ulawula indawo yakho yengqondo kangangokuba athathe indawo yokuqala kuneqabane owabelana nalo ngobomi bakho.

2. Baye baba ngumntu wakho oya kuye ukuze ufumane iingcebiso

Ngokuqhelekileyo, iqabane lakho ngumntu oya kuye ukufumana iingcebiso kunye neengcebiso. Nokuba awunakuthatha ingcebiso zabo, uzibandakanya nabo kwiingxoxo ngaphambi kokuba wenze naziphi na izigqibo ezibalulekileyo zobomi. Ukuba yibhodi yakho yesandi yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokubiza umntu ngokuba liqabane.

Ukuba loo nxaxheba ithathwa ngulo mntu wesithathu oye waba yinxalenye yobomi bakho kade, iphakathi kwezona mpawu zicacileyo zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kwi-Intanethi okanye kubomi bokwenyani.

USimone, umzobi oneminyaka engama-31 ubudala, ufumene iqabane lakhe ukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo Le ndlela. Waye wamkele isithembiso somsebenzi kwisiqalo esizayo ngaphandle kokuxoxa okanye ukuyiqhuba nguye. Wamxelela ezi ndaba emva kokubeka amaphepha akhe kwindawo asebenza kuyo. Xa wayembuza ngeenkcukacha zeli thuba litsha, akazange akwazi ukuphendula.

USimone waziva ngathi kukho into engahambi kakuhle, ngoko ke wangena efowunini yakhe ukuze aqonde ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni. Kwincoko yakhe yabucala, wabona iincoko ezinde, zasebusuku kunye nelinye ibhinqa. Ngalo lonke elo xesha wayecinga ukuba umazi nje ngokungenamsebenzi, kodwa apha wayencokola naye ngentliziyo malunga nokungoneliseki kwakhe kule ndima yakhe ngoku. Kwakungenxa yokhuthazo lwakhe, awathi wathabatha ukholo lwakhe lokusuka kumsebenzi ohlawula kakuhle nonqabisekileyo ukuya kumsebenzi ongazinzanga ngokwentelekiso.

Xa ejongene naye, wayecinga ukuba wenza intaba ngenduli. Wayengaqondi ukuba mhlawumbi wayemqhatha ngokweemvakalelo. Ngokungafaniyo nokukopela ngokwasemzimbeni, inkoliso yeenkalo zokukopa ngokweemvakalelo ayicacanga, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima ukuyichaza, ukuyivuma nokuyamkela.

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3. Umgama ukusuka kwiqabane

Umfundi wethu oneminyaka engama-29 ubudala ovela e-Illinois, eCatherine, wayesazi ukuba uyazibona iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo phakathi kwenkosikazi yakhe kunye 'nomhlobo' wakhe, kodwa akakwazi kwenza nto. Ngoba? Ubalisa ngelithi, “Uyingqina njani into? Yayingengomzimba, ngoko ndalinda nje ukuba avume, yaye ukuba avume ukuba ukuthembela kwam kuye kuyagungqa.” Ke nangona kwakukho iimpawu zomfazi othandana ngokweemvakalelo, uCatherine wayengenakwenza nto ingako ngayo ngenxa yokuba wayesoloko elindele umfazi wakhe vuma ukukopela kwaye ngenxa yokuba uluntu lubeka phambili unxibelelwano lomzimba kunolo lweemvakalelo.

Enye yeempawu ezingenakuphikiswa zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kukuba udla ngokutshintsha iqabane lakho nomnye umntu. Olu tshintsho lwenzeka ngezenzo esinokuthi singasoloko siziqaphela. Oku kuthetha ukuba umgama othile uyadalwa kubudlelwane. Ukuba uqhele ukuthetha neqabane lakho malunga neengxaki zakho kwaye ngokukhawuleza ungenzi, iqabane lakho liya kuqala ukuqaphela ekugqibeleni.

Iimpawu zobudlelwane beemvakalelo emsebenzini okanye ngaphandle kwayo ziya kubonakala xa iqabane lakho liqala ukuqonda ukuba awusadibanisi nabo kwinqanaba leemvakalelo obuqhele ukwenza kulo. Inyani yeyokuba uzalisa ukondla ngokweemvakalelo ukusuka kwenye indawo, kwaye ke, ukukhanyela iqabane lakho lonke unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo. Indima yabo iyancipha ebomini bakho kwaye ngokwenene unomcimbi weemvakalelo.

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4. Izinto eziphambili ziyatshintsha

Umgama okhulayo kubudlelwane ubonisa ngokucacileyo xa kuziwa kwizinto eziphambili. Thatha umzekelo kaDevon, umfundi wethu wase-Iowa, umzekelo. Wayedla ngokuleqa ekhaya kwiqabane lakhe, uSandy, rhoqo ngorhatya ukuze babe nesidlo sangokuhlwa kunye. Ngenxa yeeshedyuli zabo, esi yayikuphela kwesidlo ababenokwabelana ngaso omnye nomnye ngokufanelekileyo kwaye babesoloko bebeka oku kuqala.

Kodwa ukusukela oko uDevon waba ngumhlobo nomntu asebenza naye, akazange ancamathele xabiso lininzi kwezi zidlo zasebusuku noSandy. Ukuhlala emva kwexesha eofisini kwaba yinto eqhelekileyo kuye. Akazange abone ukuba ukuchitha ixesha kunye nomhlobo wakhe yonke imihla ngenxa yesidlo sakusihlwa kunye neqabane lakhe kwakuyenye yeempawu zokukhala zobudlelwane obungokweemvakalelo kunye nomntu asebenza naye, ecela nje ukuba aqatshelwe. Olu tshintsho kwizinto eziphambili lunokuba luncinci kodwa ezi zinto zinomkhwa wokujika ubuhlobo obumsulwa kwimicimbi yezesondo.

5. Umhlobo uthatha indima yeqabane

Ubuhlobo bubudlelwane obukhulayo. Idla ngokukhulisa ngakumbi kunalo naliphi na elinye iqhina lomntu. Nangona kunjalo, le bhondi inokungena kwindawo engwevu xa abahlobo beqala ukudlala indima yeqabane. Oku kunokuba nzima xa kukho iqabane lokwenyani emfanekisweni.

Ukuya kuthenga iimpahla, ukuthenga igrosari, ukwenza izicwangciso zokuhombisa indlu, ezi zinto zincinci zemihla ngemihla zihlala zibaluleke kakhulu kubomi besibini. Izinto owabelana ngazo neqabane lakho, iindima enizidlalayo kubomi bomnye nomnye zibalulekile kodwa zihlala zingahoywa.

Xa kukho omnye umntu ebomini bakho onokwenza naye ezi zinto, loo ndawo ikhethekileyo yeyomnye umntu obalulekileyo ilahlekile. Unokuba sengozini yokwenza iqabane lakho lizive lingahoywa okanye lifakwe endaweni yalo. Iqabane lichaphazeleka kukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo. Ukujongana nayo kunokufana ukusinda ebudlelwaneni.

6. Ukuthumela imiyalezo imini yonke

Le yiflegi ebomvu ngokupheleleyo. Ukuba kufuneka ubhale lo mntu ukhethekileyo imini yonke kwaye ukuba ulumnkile ngoko nangoko xa usiva i-ping, ke olu luphawu oluqinisekileyo lomcimbi weemvakalelo.

Ukuba kufuneka ucime zonke iincoko ukuze iqabane lakho lingaziboni, ngoko kukho into ekufuneka uyifihle. Iincoko oncokola ngazo nalo mntu umgqala “njengomhlobo” omkhulu aziqhelekanga.

URay wakrokrela ukuba kukho into engahambi kakuhle emtshatweni wakhe. Umfazi wakhe wayebonakala echitha ixesha elininzi efowunini yakhe kwaye wayesoloko ethandabuza ukwahlukana nayo. Wayengazi ukuba afunde njani iimpawu zomphefumlo ukukopela umfazi kodwa wayesazi ukuba kukho into etshintshileyo ngaye.

Ngenye imva kwemini yangeCawa, wacela ifowuni yomfazi wakhe ezenza ngathi ungxamisekile ngoxa wayethumelelana imiyalezo, waza wabona ukuba wayencokola nomhlobo wakhe. Nangona umxholo wencoko wawubonakala ungeyongozi, uRay wayevakalelwa kukuba kukho into eyongezelelekileyo.

Kamva ngobo busuku, waphinda wajonga ifowuni yakhe emva kokuba elele kwaye wabona ukuba incoko, kunye noqhagamshelwano, lucinyiwe. Kulapho wayazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba iqabane lakhe lobomi liye latyalwa ngokweemvakalelo kwenye indoda.

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7. Ufuna ukuba kunye nabo ngaphezu kweqabane lakho

Xa uceba iholide okanye usuku ngaphandle kwiimuvi, uhlala unqwenela entliziyweni yakho ukuba unokuba kunye naloo mntu kunokuba ube nethegi kunye neqabane.

Ucinga ngeencoko ezinde ezihleli kwindlwana yamaplanga ejonge iinduli njengoko uqhubeka uphunga ikomityi eshushu kwibalcony. Ukuba ingcinga yokuba nempelaveki ende nosapho ikwenza ube buthathaka kuba ubungayi kukwazi ukubona laa mntu uphangela naye ukhule ngokumangalisayo kuye, kuphakathi kweempawu ezibonisa ukuba uyathandana emsebenzini.

Ngokufanayo, ukuba ukhetha ukuhlala ekhaya kunokukhapha iqabane lakho ekuyothenga okanye ukuya kwimiboniso bhanyabhanya nje ukuze ukwazi ukuncokola nalo mhlobo ukhethekileyo ngoxolo, kubalwa njengenye yeempawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kwi-Intanethi.

8. Uthelekisa iqabane lakho nabo

Olunye uphawu olucacileyo lokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo lutyekelo lokuthelekisa iqabane lakho nomntu okhule ngokusondeleyo kuye. Enoba iyintoni na imeko, ngokuqinisekileyo uzifumana uzibuza ukuba baya kwenza ntoni okanye baya kusabela njani. Kwezi zithelekiso, omnye umntu uhlala enomphetho kwiqabane lakho.

Ukusuka kwincasa yabo yomculo ukuya kwindlela abanxiba ngayo, impumelelo yabo yobungcali ukuya kuburharha babo, ubafumana bengcono kancinci kuneqabane lakho langoku kuwo onke amanani. Unako okanye ungaluthethi olu thelekiso, kodwa kukho ilizwi elincinane entlokweni yakho elihlala ligcina amanqaku. Kwaye umhlobo wakho okhethekileyo ngokuqinisekileyo uphuma njengophumeleleyo.

9. Uyabanxibisa

UTad wayeneminyaka engama-30 ubudala kwaye wayesele etshatile kangangesiqingatha seshumi leminyaka. Ubomi bakhe buye baqikelelwa kwaye buzinzile njengoko beza. Waneliseka ncam bubomi awayezakhele bona nomyeni wakhe de umfana othile eofisini wamwisa iikawusi.

Ebe nditsaleleke kulo mfana owayechasene nomyeni wakhe nangona wayengafuni ukuvuma. Kwada kwayimini enye, uTad wazibamba ngononophelo ngokukhetha impahla kunye nezihlangu kwaye wabeka umgudu owongezelelweyo wokulungisa iinwele zakhe kuba wayemkhapha kwinkomfa yeshishini. Aba babini babesondelelene kakhulu ngexeshana nje elifutshane, yaye wayengasenako ukuyikhanyela into yokuba wayekhangele phambili kwinkampani yakhe ngaphezu kweyomyeni wakhe.

10. Uxoxa ngeengxaki zakho zobudlelwane nabo

'Ungayisasaza esidlangalaleni impahla yakho emdaka' – lowo ngomnye wemigaqo kabhontsi ubudlelwane obuphilileyo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuba zinzima kangakanani na izinto kubudlelwane bakho, awuhambi-uthetha kakubi neqabane lakho okanye uxoxe ngengxaki eparadesi nomntu ongaphandle ngokupheleleyo. Nangona kunjalo, xa ubanjwe kumcimbi weemvakalelo, ukuthetha ngobudlelwane bakho kuza ngokwemvelo kuwe.

Awuniki ngcinga yesibini ekwabelaneni ngeengcinga zakho ezingaphakathi, ugcino, ukuphoxeka nomntu othe wancamathela kuye. Kusenokubakho amaxesha apho wabelana nabo ngezinto ongazange wabelane ngazo neqabane lakho. Oku akukho nje phakathi kweempawu ezilumkisayo zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kodwa enye yezona zinto zixhalabisayo kuzo zonke. Ukuba awukhange ulawulwe, iimvakalelo zakho zinokuphuma zingalawuleki ngokukhawuleza, zitshabalalise ubudlelwane bakho kwimeko yazo.

11. Uqala ukugcina iimfihlo kwiqabane lakho

Unokuzixelela ukuba lo mntu usandula ukufunyanwa okhethekileyo ebomini bakho ngumhlobo nje. Emazantsi entliziyo, uyayazi indlela ovakalelwa ngayo ngabo. Uyatsaleka, uthabathekile, ubethwe. Yiyo loo nto usenza konke okusemandleni akho ukufihla ukusondela kwakho kubo kwiqabane lakho.

Basenokuba ababuqondi nobukho balo mhlobo. Nokuba benza njalo, ngokuqinisekileyo abazi ukuba nisondele kangakanani nina nobabini. Lityala lokugqitha imida yobuhlobo ebangela ukuba ugcine iimfihlo kwaye uxoke iqabane lakho. Okukhona usihla ngokunzulu kulo mngxuma womvundla, kokukhona kuya kuba nzima ukuchacha. Ngexesha elithile, iqabane lakho liya kufumanisa ngalo mntu wumbi, kwaye ubuxoki kunye nenkohliso iya kubashiya betyumkile.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Ubuhlobo obungafanelekanga xa utshatile-Nantsi into omawuyazi

UManjari uthi, "Nasemva kokubona iimpawu ezilumkisayo zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo, kuhlala kukho ithuba lohlengahlengiso kulo naluphi na ulwalamano, kuxhomekeke kuthi ukwenza isigqibo sokuba yintoni eza kuqala kuthi." Uthi nantsi into onokuyenza ukunqanda imeko yokungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo:

• Xoxa ngesilingo sakho sangoku kunye neengcinga zakho ezibuthathaka kunye neqabane lakho
• Xa ubona ezinye iimpawu zokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kuwe okanye iqabane lakho, chitha ixesha elininzi kunye nomnye nangona kubonakala kunzima ekuqaleni.
• Ukuba unamathela kakhulu emntwini, beka umgama phakathi kwakho naye. Iqhinga elithi 'ngaphandle kwamehlo, ngaphandle kwengqondo' liyasebenza kwixesha elide

Inyani ihlala ubudlelwane bothando ngumsebenzi wothando. Ukugcina umntu esebenza kufuna uthando kunye nenkathalo eninzi. Izenzo ezincinci kunye neempendulo zibalulekile kula mabhondi. Ngaphandle kokuba ingqwalasela ihlawulwe kwiindima esizidlalayo kubudlelwane kunye nothando olutshintshiswayo, sibeka umngcipheko wokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo.

Kwaye xa sele similiselwe kwenye, kuba nzima kakhulu ukuyityhalela kude. Ngoba uhlala uzixelele ukuba awulali nalomntu so awumqhathi. Kodwa inyaniso ihleli kukuba kukho ngaphezu kwesinye uhlobo lokungathembeki.

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