Ubudlelwane buhlala buntsonkothile. Xa abantu ababini behlanganisene ukuze bathabathe uhambo olufanayo, ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kubakho ukungavisisani, ukungavisisani, namahla-ndinyuka. Nangona kunjalo, xa uzifumana ukwimeko apho ungazi apho ume khona kunye neqabane elisondeleyo, olo nxibelelwano lungena kwintsimi yobudlelwane obunzima.
Nokuba ubudlelwane bakho lutsha okanye benikunye ixesha elide, ujongene nenxaki yothando entsonkothileyo ukuba uyasokola kunxibelelwano olulambathayo, ukunqongophala kwemida, ulindelo olungahambelaniyo, kunye neenjongo. Okukhona isibini sihlala kule meko ye-limbo, kokukhona kuya kuba nzima ukuchaphazeleka kwimpilo yabo yengqondo kunye nentlalontle yeemvakalelo.
Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukuqaphela iimpawu zobudlelwane obunzima kwaye uqonde indlela yokujongana nazo. Ngolwazi oluvela kugqirha wengqondo uGqr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), oyincutshe ekululekweni ngobudlelwane kunye noNyango lweRational Emotive Behaviour, masiqonde intsingiselo yobudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo kunye nendlela yokuyiqhuba ngobuchule.
Yintoni Ubudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo?
Isiqulatho
Xa abantu bezifumana bekubudlelwane obunzima ukubuchaza okanye ukububeka kwibhokisi yezibini eziguqukayo esiziqhelileyo, badla ngokuphendula ngokuthi, “Kunzima.” UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Nangona iinkcukacha zisenokwahluka ngokwemeko ngemeko, intsingiselo yonxulumano oluntsonkothileyo ihlala ithi: “Intsebenziswano ekunzima ukuyichaza ngenxa yokuba abantu abakuyo bayahluka, ngokufuthi bayangqubana, imida nolindelo,” utsho uGqr.
Ekubeni iinjongo kunye nokulindelweyo azihambelani, kukho i-tip-toeing eninzi kunye nokuvuleka okuncinci kakhulu kubudlelwane obunjalo. Oku kubangela iindawo ezininzi ezingwevu apho amaqabane athumelana iimpawu ezixubileyo, dlala kushushu kwaye kuyabanda, kwaye ulwa neelebhile. Isiphumo? Ukudideka okuninzi, ixhala, kunye nokungazithembi kukushiya uzibuza, "Kutheni bunzima kangaka ubudlelwane?"
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Yintoni eyenza ubudlelwane bube nzima
Ethetha ngento eyenza ubudlelwane bube nzima, uGqr. Bhonsle uthi, “Ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu busoloko bunamacala kwaye buntsonkothile kodwa abuyonto buntsonkothileyo ngokwemvelo. ukwakha ubudlelwane obunempilo. Xa zingekho ezi zinto zisisiseko, iingxaki ziqala ukubamba. ”
Njengoko usenokuba uqaphele, kubonakala kukho umxholo ophindaphindiweyo: ukunqongophala kokunyaniseka kunye nokungafihli okudityaniswa nolindelo olungachanekanga, iinjongo, kunye nemilinganiselo ephambili, kubangela ubudlelwane obunzima. Ngokusekwe kolu kuqonda, makhe sijonge eminye imiba eyenza ubudlelwane bube nzima:
- Amanxeba angapholanga emphefumlweni: Amandla obudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo ahlala elandelelwa emva kwiipateni zokuziphatha eziyingxaki ezivela kumanxeba angapholanga ngokweemvakalelo exesha elidlulileyo. Imiba yokulahla, uloyiko lokuzibophelela, kunye nezimbo zokuncamathela ezingakhuselekanga zezinye zezinto eziqhelekileyo emva kokwenziwa kobudlelwane obungumngeni.
- Iimvakalelo ezicinezelweyo: Ukungakwazi okanye ukungafuni ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo sesinye isizathu esixhaphakileyo sokuba kutheni abantu bazifumane bevaleleke kubudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo. Rhoqo kunokungabikho, oku kusisiphumo sokuba sesichengeni kwakho kuxhatshaziwe kwixesha elidlulileyo. Ngelixa i-clam up inokuba yindlela yokuzikhusela yendalo kwiimeko ezinjalo, ithintela ukukwazi kwakho ukwenza amabhondi asempilweni.
- Ukungaqiniseki: Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngeemvakalelo zakho ngeqabane, ubudlelwane obuguqukayo ngokwemvelo buba nzima. Yiloo nto, ngokuqhelekileyo, ekhokelela kwimijikelo eyityhefu efana ubudlelwane-kwakhona-kwakhona
- Iimeko: Ngamanye amaxesha, iingxaki kubudlelwane zinokubangelwa ziimeko zakho okanye ezinye izinto zangaphandle. Umzekelo, ukuba kubudlelwane obukude, ukuthandana nomntu ngelixa ukubudlelwane obuzibophelele, iimvakalelo ezicalanye.
Iimpawu ezili-11 zobudlelwane obunzima
Ngokufuthi, xa sikwimeko enzima, kuba nzima ukuyijonga ngendlela efanelekileyo. Nokuba iimpawu zobudlelwane obunzima zikujongile ebusweni, usenokungaziboni okanye ungafuni. Nangona kunjalo, oku kukhanyela okanye ukungazi akulondolozeki. Emva kwexeshana, imeko yakho yobudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo iya kuqala ukukulungela uxolo lwakho lwengqondo kunye nempilo entle yeemvakalelo. Uyakukhathala ukubuza, "Kutheni ubudlelwane bunzima kangaka? "
Lixesha lokuba uyeke ukutshayela imiba yakho phantsi kombhoxo kwaye ujongane nayo ngqo. Inyathelo lokuqala lokujongana nayo nayiphi na ingxaki kukuyamkela. Ukukunceda wenze oko, uGqr. Bhonsle udwelisa ezi mpawu zilandelayo zobudlelwane obuntsokothileyo:
1. Awuqinisekanga ukuba baziva njani ngawe
Ukunqongophala kokucaca ngenye yeempawu eziphezulu zobudlelwane obunzima. Awuqinisekanga ukuba iqabane lakho liziva njani ngawe. Kwaye oku akuyonyani nje kubudlelwane obutsha, apho ungakhange ube ne-define incoko yobudlelwane okanye ekuvunyelwene ngayo kwiilebhile. Kubudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo, unokuziva ngolu hlobo nokuba benikunye ixesha elide. Mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba,
- Iqabane lakho alifuni bonisa uthando
- Abaziqhelanisi nokuvuleleka nokuba sesichengeni
- Ukuba wenza umzamo wokwakha ubuhlobo obunzulu ngokweemvakalelo, bayakutyhalela kude kwaye babe kude kwaye barhoxe
2. Awuqinisekanga ukuba uziva njani ngabo
Mhlawumbi ngenxa yeqabane lakho ukwahlukana ngokweemvakalelo okanye ezinye izizathu ezinje ngokuba neemvakalelo zomnye umntu, awusaziva umnqweno onamandla kumlingane wakho. Nokuba yeyiphi na indlela, oku kunqongophala kwengqiniseko kunokunika indlela kulwalamano olucelomngeni. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Musa ukuyibetha ngoyaba indlela ovakalelwa ngayo.
3. Awuqinisekanga ngekamva lobudlelwane
Ubonakala ufuna izinto ezahlukeneyo ebomini kwaye ukuphephe ukuthetha ngekamva lakho. Mhlawumbi awukwazi nokuba nomfanekiso wekamva kunye nabo okanye ababoni kumfanekiso owupeyintelayo wekamva lakho. Mhlawumbi, iqabane lakho liphepha naziphi na iingxoxo malunga nekamva njengezibetho. Ezi zonke iiflegi ezibomvu ezithwala ukwakheka kobudlelwane obunzima.
"Ngaphandle kokuba abantu ababini bavumelana ubudlelwane bexesha elifutshane, mathidala ukuxubusha usukelo lwexesha elizayo kufuneka kuphandwe ngokubhekele phaya. Kufuneka nijongane nize niphinde nizihlolisise kwakhona apho nimi khona nalapho nifuna ukuya khona ukusuka apha,” utsho uGqr. Bhonsle.
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4. Unxibelelwano olubi
Olunye uphawu lokuxela lobudlelwane obunzima unxibelelwano olubi, ebonakaliswa ngu,
- Ukuziphatha okungaqhelekanga
- Bethetha omnye komnye
- Ukuqhawula omnye komnye
- Ukuphathwa cwaka kunye nokugxothwa kwamatye
- Ukungakwazi ukusombulula impixano
Echaza isizathu sokuba unxulumano olunzima kunye nonxibelelwano olungeluhle luhamba kunye, uGqr Bhonsle uthi, "Xa kukho ukungahambi kakuhle okanye ukungqubana kwezinto ezilindelweyo, iimfuno, kunye neminqweno, kwaye ingekho imida ephilileyo, unxibelelwano lulindelekile. Zonke ezi zixhaphake kubudlelwane obunzima."
5. Ukungazimiseli
Amandla othando antsonkothileyo obudlelwane obunzima bubonakaliswa ngu imiba yokuzibophelela okanye nokuba ukulungele ukuba nencoko malunga neelebhile, ukuba yedwa, kunye nokuzinikela. UGqr. Bhonsle uthi, “Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kufuneka uphande enoba kwasekuqaleni anithandi na.
“Ndiye ndayibona ngokufuthi into yokuba abantu ababini basenokuba bebephila ixesha elide kodwa xa ubabuza ukuba bangoobani, bathi, “Owu, asikayifaki gama. Ewe, iilebhile zibalulekile. Ukuba awuyibhaleli iswekile kunye netyuwa ekhitshini lakho, unokugqiba nje ngetyuwa kwikofu yakho kunye noshukela kwi-meatloaf yakho. Yiyo loo nto ezi ncoko zibalulekile.”
6. Ukubandakanyeka okungalungelelananga kubomi bomnye nomnye
Ukungabikho ngokupheleleyo okanye ukubandakanyeka okugqithisileyo kubomi bomnye nomnye zibonakalisa iimpawu zobudlelwane obunzima. Ubudlelwane obuhlala buhleli bakhelwe phezu kwe ukuxhomekeka omnye komnye okunempilo phakathi kwamaqabane, apho ugcina ubuntu bakho kodwa ukwayama omnye komnye ngenkxaso. Kodwa ukuba awenzanga nzame yokwabelana ngezinto anomdla kuzo okanye nide nichithe ixesha kunye, oko kubonisa inqanaba leqela-elinokuthi lidibanise amandla enu njengesibini.
Kwelinye icala, ukuxhomekeka ngokugqithisileyo omnye komnye nako kunokwenza ubudlelwane bube nzima. Ukuba anizigcini iinxalenye zobomi benu nizimele geqe omnye komnye, qalani ukuthembela omnye komnye ngezinto enifanele ukuba nizenzele zona, ningabe nizenzela izinto, okanye nichithe ixesha uwedwa okanye nabahlobo bakho, unokuqalisa ukuphulukana nombono wokuba iqabane lakho liphelela phi kwaye uqala. Eli nqanaba le-enmeshment, ngokuqinisekileyo, lisebenza njengendawo yokuzalela iingxaki.
7. Ingxabano yinto eqhubekayo kubudlelwane bakho
Isixa esithile se ukulwa kubudlelwane iqhelekile. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uzifumana usilwa rhoqo malunga nemiba emincinci, kunokubakho iingxaki ezinkulu ezidlalayo, eziyenye yeempawu zobudlelwane obunzima. Lixesha lokuba uyeke ukuwuphepha umcimbi kwaye uqale ukubonakalisa, ngakumbi ukuba imilo iya isiba mbi okanye iyaxhaphaza. Khumbula, ukuxhatshazwa akuzi nje ngokwasemzimbeni. Ukuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo kufana nje neflegi ebomvu.
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8. Uziva ungonwabanga
Xa ungakwazi ukwenza unxibelelwano lokwenyani kunye neqabane lakho, kwaye ungaqinisekanga malunga nokuba umi phi kwaye ikamva likuphathele ntoni ubudlelwane bakho, kungokwemvelo ukungoneliseki kunye nokungonwabi. Yongeza koko imilo rhoqo kunye nomgama ngokweemvakalelo, okushiya uzibuza, "Kutheni ubudlelwane bunzima kangaka?" Ukuvaleleka kulo mjikelo kunokufunxa ulonwabo ebomini bakho, kukushiye ungonwabanga kakhulu njengoko uzama ukukhangela ubudlelwane obungumngeni ozifumana ukubo.
9. Uhlala ubuyela kwipatheni efanayo
Ukhe wadlula kwizibetho ezifanayo: ukuqhawuka nokubuyelana kwakhona. Mhlawumbi nobabini nixhomekeke kwaye anikwazi ukuqhubeka. Le yenye yeempawu ezicacileyo zobudlelwane obunzima. Ukuba ayisekho impilo, ngoko lixesha lokuqhawula ipateni.
UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Ukuphindaphinda iindlela zolwalamano kuyadinisa yaye kuyityhefu kubo bonke abo babandakanyekileyo.” Akukho sizathu sokuba unxunguphele ngalo lonke ixesha.
10. Uyoyika ukuvakalisa izinto ozilindeleyo
Amandla othando antsonkothileyo obudlelwane obunzima anokukushiya uziva unexhala kwaye ujikeleze iqabane lakho ngalo lonke ixesha. Ulindele izinto ezithile kubo, kodwa emazantsi entliziyo, uyayazi nendlela abaza kusabela ngayo, ngoko ufunda ukungxola, ukuginya intlungu nentlungu, kwaye ubambelele ethembeni lokuba izinto ziya kuba ngcono.
Iqabane elityale imali ngokweemvakalelo (kwaye ewe, amandla obudlelwane obunzima ahlala ecalanye) unokuqhubeka hamba kumaqokobhe amaqanda bajikeleze omnye, hleze bathethe okanye benze into yokubatyhala. Ngaphandle kokuba izinto ziyaphucuka, le ndlela ikhokelela kunxunguphalo olukhulu lweemvakalelo.
11. Uziva ungahambelani nomnye
Njengoko uzulazula kubudlelwane obucela umngeni ngokwasemphefumlweni apho ungazi kakuhle ukuba umi phi neqabane lakho, unokuqala ukuziva ngakumbi nangakumbi ukuba ungahambelani nabo. Indlela abasabela ngayo kunye neempendulo zabo zisenokuqalisa ukukothusa, zide zikukhwankqise. Kwaye uqala ukuzibuza, "Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukwakha into enentsingiselo nalo mntu?", Okanye, "Ngaba kufanelekile ukuzama ukulungisa olu lwalamano lunzima?" Ngokuhamba kwexesha, uziva ngakumbi nangakumbi uqhawulwe kwiqabane lakho, yaye usenokude ungabi namdla kubo.
Indlela Yokujongana Nobudlelwane Obuntsokothileyo
Iimpawu ezilumkisayo zobudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo ziyenza icace gca indlela enokuba yimfuneko ngokweemvakalelo kwaye inganyamezeleki njani inxaki enjalo. Ukuba unokunxulumana kwanezinye zezi mpawu zidweliswe ngasentla, kufuneka ugxininise amandla akho ekuqinisekiseni indlela yokujongana nolwalamano oluntsonkothileyo. UGqr. Bhonsle unika la macebiso alandelayo:
1. Zibuze ukuba iyasebenza ngokwenene na
Ngaphambi kokuba utyale umzamo omkhulu wokufumana indlela yokujongana nobudlelwane obunzima, nqumama kwaye uvavanye ukuba kufanelekile. Ngaba uyalibona ikamva kobu budlelwane? Kwezinye iimeko, ukuzihlola kunokukhokelela ekuqondeni ukuba ayenzelwanga ukuba ibe njalo. Ukuba imvakalelo yakho yamathumbu yomelele malunga naloo nto, inokuba lixesha lokuyithemba. Ukuba uziva ngathi ubudlelwane bakho, ngenxa yazo zonke iziphene, zisenamandla, kuninzi onokukwenza ukuguqula izinto.
2. Unxibelelwano lungundoqo ekujonganeni nobudlelwane obunzima
UGqr. Bhonsle uthi: “Ngonxibelelwano olucacileyo, nifanele nizazi ukuba niyintoni na omnye komnye yaye nilubona luqhubela phi olu lwalamano. Ayikho enye indlela yokuthetha omnye nomnye malunga nezakho ubudlelwane obulindelweyo, iinjongo, iimfuno, kunye neemfuno kunye nokuxoxa ngento esebenzayo nengasebenziyo. Ngoko,
- Qala incoko neqabane lakho
- Baxelele into oyifunayo kobu budlelwane
- Bavumele bachaze iimfuno zabo
- Emva koko, thatha isigqibo sokuba ungafika kumhlaba ofanayo kwizinto ezingantsonkothanga okanye ukuba kuya kuba kuhle kuwe ukuba nahlukane.
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3. Misela imida ecacileyo
Ukudunga i imida yobudlelwane obunempilo luphawu lobudlelwane obunzima. Ke, ngokwendalo, ukusebenza ekusekeni nasekunyanzeliseni imida linyathelo elibalulekileyo kuhambo lwakho lokufumana indlela yokujongana nobudlelwane obunzima.
- Chaza ngokucacileyo ukuba olu lwalamano luthetha ntoni kuwe kwaye uzibekele usukelo lwekamva
- Thetha ngokuphandle malunga noko kwamkelekileyo noko kungaxoxisiyo ngako kuwe
- Misela into oyifunayo ukuze uzive ukhuselekile kwaye uthandwa
- Xubushani ukuba ukungahloneli imida yomnye kuya kuthetha ntoni kwikamva lobudlelwane benu
4. Zibophelele ekubekeni umsebenzi
Ukuba ubona okunokwenzeka kubudlelwane, ke ukusebenza ngemiba yakho kufanelekile ngokupheleleyo. Nangona kunjalo, lo mzamo uya kuvelisa isiqhamo kuphela ukuba omabini amaqabane azibophelele ekubekeni umsebenzi ofunekayo ukuguqula izinto.
5. Funa inkxaso yokujongana nobudlelwane obunzima
Kusenokufuneka ube neencoko ezininzi kwithuba lexesha ngaphambi kokuba waphule umhlaba omtsha. Ngamanye amaxesha, ngaphandle kwemizamo yakho emihle, unokukufumanisa kunzima ukwenza nayiphi na indlela eya kwicala elifanelekileyo. Kwiimeko ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukufuna uncedo ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Unokuthetha nabahlobo abasondeleyo okanye usapho malunga nembono efuneka kakhulu okanye ungene kunyango ukuze usebenze ngemiba yakho. Ukuba ufuna uncedo, Iinkonzo zeengcebiso zeBonobology zisesandleni sakho.
6. Bonisa ukuba unenkathalo
Ukuba ugqibe ekubeni uhlale kwaye usebenze kubudlelwane bakho, kubalulekile ukwenza umzamo wokwazisa iqabane lakho ukuba uyamthanda, uxatyisiwe kwaye ukhathalelwe. Ukuphilisa kuthatha ixesha. Okwangoku, yenza izinto ezincinci kwiqabane lakho ukubonisa uthando lwakho kunye babonise ukuba ubakhathalele kangakanani ukwenzela bona.
Iimpawu eziphambili
- Ubudlelwane obunzima yintsebenziswano ekunzima ukuyichaza
- Ulindelo olungahambelaniyo, iinjongo ezahlukeneyo kunye neenqobo ezisemgangathweni, amanxeba angapholanga ngokweemvakalelo, kunye nokungaqiniseki zezinye zezizathu ezibangela ukuba ubudlelwane bube nzima.
- Ukungaqinisekanga ngeemvakalelo zakho, ukungaqiniseki ngekamva, ukungabikho kokuzinikela, ukungonwabi, nokungquzulana zonke ziimpawu zobudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo.
- Impendulo yendlela yokuhlangabezana nolwalamano oluntsonkothileyo ixhomekeke ekuphuculeni unxibelelwano, ukubeka imida efanelekileyo, ukwenza umgudu wokulungisa iqhina, nokufuna uncedo ukuba kuyimfuneko.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuba yintoni ingxaki okanye umphumo wokujongana nayo, kusoloko kungcono ukusebenza ekususeni ukungaqiniseki kubudlelwane, kunokuba ubhale nje ubuhlobo bakho "njengobunzima" kwaye buvumele ukuba bujinga kwibhalansi. Siyathemba ukuba ungachonga into engahambi kakuhle kubudlelwane bakho, yintoni isizathu sokungonwabi kwakho, kwaye ufumanise ukuba wenze ntoni ngokulandelayo.
FAQs
Ubudlelwane obunzima kuxa unokuthi uthande/uthande omnye umntu kodwa ungaqinisekanga ukuba uyafuna na ukuba kubudlelwane naye.
Ewe, ngokupheleleyo. Kwaye omabini amaqabane anengxaki entle ngokunjalo. Ubudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo buthetha ukuba amaqabane akakho kolu budlelwane ngeenyawo zombini kwaye kufuneka aqiqe izinto ezimbalwa phambi kokuba azinikele ngokupheleleyo omnye komnye.
Kwi-Facebook, ubudlelwane obuntsonkothileyo buthetha ukuba unonxibelelwano oluthile okanye uthando nomntu kodwa ayilulo ukuzinikela ngokupheleleyo ukubiza ubudlelwane obufanelekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, awutshatanga okwangoku kuba intliziyo yakho ibandakanyeka kwenye indawo.
Umzabalazo wamandla kubudlelwane: Indlela eLungileyo yokujongana nayo
Imibuzo engama-21 yoBudlelwane obunzulu yokwazi apho umi khona
Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.
