I-15 yeempawu ezingenakuphikiswa zobudlelwane obuzimeleyo

Ubulumko obuqhelekileyo bucebisa ukuba umzali kufuneka akhuthaze ukuzimela kumntwana wakhe ukusuka kwi-11 ukuya phezulu. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba umzali nomntwana baye bathandane ngokweemvakalelo endaweni yoko? Emva koko, umntwana unokuphuhlisa i-codependency, oku kuthetha ukuba banokufunda ukufumana ingqiqo yabo kwabanye, bakholelwa ukuba iimfuno zabo azibalulekanga, kwaye babe ngabaniki-zinyanzelo abaxhomekeke ekuxhomekeke kubo. Naxa omnye umntu okunxaki ingenguye umzali wabo. Amaxesha amaninzi, ukuthandana kwabo kwabantu abadala kuya kuba nazo zonke iimpawu zolwalamano olusondeleyo.

I-Codependency iphakathi kwezona zinto zinetyhefu kunye nezingasebenziyo zobudlelwane bobudlelwane onokuthi wabelane ngazo nomntu. Yiyo loo nto ukufunda indlela yokubona kunye nokujongana nokuziphatha okuxhomekeke kunye neepateni zobudlelwane akubobulumko kuphela kodwa kubalulekile kwimpilo yakho. Ukuphonononga kwisayikholoji ye-codependency, ukuqonda iinkalo zayo, kwaye ufunde malunga neempawu zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kunye namanqaku, siye sabonana nobudlelwane kunye nomqeqeshi wobudlelwane obusondeleyo. Shivanya Yogmayaa (eqinisekisiwe ngamazwe ngamazwe kwiindlela zonyango ze-EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT, njl.) Ojongene neendlela ezahlukeneyo zokucebisa izibini.

Ngaba i-Codependent Relationship ivakalelwa njani?

Ngoko ke yintoni na ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke bukhangeleka njani kwaye uzive njani? Ngoku ka Shivanya, abantu ababandakanyekayo kubudlelwane obuzimeleyo batyibilika kwiindima ezimbini - elinye iqabane liba ngumgcini / umniki kwaye elinye libe lixhoba / umthathi: 

• Lowo uthabathayo ufuna ukuxhaswa rhoqo, ingqalelo, kunye noncedo. Bazabalaza nemisebenzi esisiseko, bafuna ukubamba ngesandla ngonaphakade, abakwazi ukwenza izigqibo, bazive bexhomekeke ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane labo, kwaye bazimisele ukunikezela ukuzimela kwabo.
• Umniki ugxile ekuhlangabezaneni neemfuno zeqabane lakhe - ngaphandle kwayo yonke enye into. Baziva benoxanduva ngeemvakalelo nezenzo zeqabane labo kwaye banesidingo esinyanzelekileyo sokubenzela yonke into. Kakhulu, ubudlelwane buvakalelwa njengomsebenzi wexesha elizeleyo othatha ixesha labo elininzi, amandla kunye nendawo yengqondo.

Abaphandi baqale banxibelelanisa ezi ndlela zokuziphatha kunye neendima ezixhomekeke kumaqabane kunye neentsapho zabantu abanengxaki yokuxhatshazwa okanye ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi. Kodwa ukusukela ngoko baye bafumanisa iimpawu zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke ngaphandle kweli qela, nabo.

Ukuxhomekeka ngokusempilweni vs ukuxhomekeka

Ukwazisa umntu ukuba angathembela kuwe. Ukuzikhathaza ngabo. Ukubeka phambili iimfuno zabo. Ngaba akuyomvelo ukwenza oku kubantu obakhathalelayo? Ngokuqinisekileyo. Ngoko wazi njani: Ngaba uxhomekeke okanye unenkathalo nje? Kwaye ulala phi umda phakathi kothando olusempilweni vs ukuxhomekeka? Nantsi into eyenza ukuxhomekeka kohluke kuxhomekeke kubudlelwane obunempilo okanye ukuxhomekeka kwabanye:

• Ukuxhomekeka ngokusempilweni kusekelwe ekuphaneni nasekuthatheni, apho omabini amaqabane athembele omnye komnye kwaye azive ekhuselekile ekuvakaliseni iimfuno zabo. Kodwa amaqabane axhomekekileyo adla ngokwenza ubudlelwane bokuzingca nobucalanye. Lowo uphayo unika kuphela, yaye lowo uthabathayo uthabatha kuphela. Ke, kukho ukungalingani okukhulu kweemfuno ezihlangatyezwayo, nto leyo edala ukungoneliseki kunye nengqumbo. 
• Abantu abakha ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke komnye khulani kunye kwaye ninikane indawo yokukhula njengabantu ngabanye. Nangona kunjalo, abantu abaxhomekeke kwikhowudi bathanda ukwenza ubudlelwane obubambene kakhulu bengenandawo yokuphefumla, singasathethi ke ngokukhula

I-15 yeempawu ezingenakuphikiswa zobudlelwane obuzimeleyo

I-Codependency lubudlelwane obujikelezayo obuzondla kwaye bondliwa ngumjikelo wokuqinisa. Umniki, odla ngokungazithembi, uzama ukufumana ukuzixabisa kwakhe ekunyamekeleni iqabane lakhe aze aphulukane noluvo lwakhe lobuqu kwinkqubo. Ngeli xesha, ithuku lomthathi kukukhupha kangangoko kunokwenzeka kwiqabane labo ngelixa beqhubeka bengasebenzi kakuhle kwaye bebaleka lonke uxanduva kubudlelwane. 

Ngaba kufuneka sitsho ukuba kutheni le nto ingaphilanga kwaye ingazinzanga? Studies baye babonisa ukuba ubudlelwane obungasebenziyo bunokususa ulwaneliseko lobomi, kananjalo. Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukujonga ezi mpawu ziphezulu zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kwaye uthathe amanyathelo okulungisa:

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1. I-TLC egqithisileyo

UStacy noMark bebekunye iinyanga ezintandathu. UMark likhoboka elichachayo elinembali yokusebenzisa kakubi iziyobisi. UStacy ukhathazeke kakhulu ngokuzola kwakhe. Kangangokuba, uye wangumgcini wendlu yakhe, umphathi, nompheki, kwaye umenzela zonke izinto ezinzima ukuze anikele ingqalelo ekuchacheni kwakhe. Nokuba oko kuthetha ukubeka umsebenzi wakhe kunye nokuphila kakuhle kwi-burner yangasemva.

Oku kuphakathi kwemizekelo yokuziphatha exhomekeke kwiklasi. Abantu abanobuntu obuzimeleyo bakhathalela ngokugqithisileyo iqabane labo kwaye banikwe ukuzigxeka. Ngokutsho kukaShivanya: 

• Umkhathaleli uzama ukuba ngumama/utata kubomi beqabane lakhe
• Baziva benoxanduva lomntu oxhomekeke kuye kwaye bazama ukubeka esweni okanye ukulawula ishedyuli yabo 
• Phezu kwazo nje iinjongo zabo ezintle, umlindi uphela ekhubaza lowo uxhomekeke kuye, ekhulisa imvakalelo yokuba lixhoba

“Inkxalabo nenkathalo engalinganiyo sisiqalo iimpawu zobudlelwane obungenampilo,” uyalumkisa.

2. Ukuba ulungile, ndilungile

I-Codependency yindlela yokuziphatha efundwayo apho abantu bafunda ukukhupha iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zabo kwaye baseke ubushushu babo beemvakalelo kwinto abanye ababangqongileyo abayicingayo kwaye bazive. Kubudlelwane bothando, bazama ukuhlala befunda kwaye balawule (okanye, balawule) iimvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zeqabane labo. Kungenxa yokuba baziva belungile kuphela xa iqabane labo lilungile. Oku kuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo yenye yeempawu zokuqala zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kuyo. 

Kwaye rhoqo, imbini, eyenza i-equation eqhuma kakhulu: 

• Amaqabane axhomekeke ngokweemvakalelo abambana uxanduva ngendlela aziva ngayo, ngoko ke agqibezela ukutyholana ngayo nayiphi na imvakalelo engalunganga okanye iimvakalelo ezimbi.
• Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuba elinye iqabane lizama ukwabelana nabo iimfuno zeemvakalelo, omnye uzikhusele kakhulu okanye uyacaphuka 

Waba yintoni umphumo? Omabini amaqabane akafane azive elungile.

3. Ubutyala obugqithisileyo

Le yenye yeempawu ezibonisa ukuxhomekeka kubudlelwane. Abakhathaleli bathatha lonke uxanduva ngendlela amaqabane abo aziva ngayo kwaye enze ngayo. Ke, bachitha ixesha elininzi belindele iimfuno zeqabane labo kwaye baziva benetyala malunga nokuthi "hayi" kwizicelo zeqabane labo okanye ukuzikrola naliphi na ixesha.

Baziva benoxanduva kuyo yonke into eyenzekayo kwiqabane labo - kwanezinto abangazibangelanga, kwaye abanamandla phezu okanye amandla okutshintsha. Abathathi-nxaxheba bathatha eli thuba lengqiqo yoxanduva lokubeka lonke ityala kubakhathaleli kwaye bazikhuphe kulo lonke uxanduva ngalo lonke ixesha izinto zingahambi kakuhle, into abangafane bayiphikisa yona abakhathaleli. Ngokukhusela amaqabane abo ngale ndlela, abakhathaleli baba ngabaxhobisi abaxhomekeke kwimigaqo baze baphele bekhuthaza ukuziphatha kakubi kweqabane labo.

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4. Ukungxamela 'ukuhlangula' 

Nantsi enye yeempawu eziqhelekileyo zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kwi-codependent: "Iqabane elinye lihlala lihlala nguMnu / Miss Lungisa. Bafuna ukujongana neengxaki kwaye benze yonke into kumlingane wabo oxhomekeke kubo, "kusho uShivanya. Kungenxa yokuba abakhathaleli badla ngokuba nengxaki yokwazi nokuvakalisa iimvakalelo. Bakufumana kulula kwaye kuncinci ukubangela ukuxhalaba ukwenza. Ke, bayakuthanda ukufunwa kwaye abanakubuya umva benze kancinci. Kananjalo abanakuyeka ukuzama ukulungisa ingxaki ngokukhawuleza bakuba beyibonile okanye beve ngayo. Enyanisweni, bayarhawuzelelwa kukunxiba ikepisi kwaye beze “kuhlangulo” lwamaqabane abo kwaye babahoye. 

Oku komeleza kuphela ukuxhomekeka komthathi. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, abakhathaleli bayadinwa kukulungisa yonke into kunye nokuthwala ngaphezu kwesabelo esifanelekileyo soxanduva lwabo “uyonqena” umyeni okanye umfazi, okanye iqabane. Kodwa xa beyibiza, abathabathi babatyhola ngokuthi "bangcungcuthekisa". Kwaye ubudlelwane buqala ukuba buhlungu. 

5. Iingxaki zonxibelelwano 

Unxibelelwano olulambathayo luphakathi kweempawu eziphezulu zobudlelwane obuzimeleyo. Ubudlelwane obunempilo ayakhelwanga nje ekwamkeleni kodwa nasekukwazini ukubiza iqabane lethu elingaziphethe kakuhle. Ingakumbi ukuba yinto enokubalimaza okanye abanye ababangqongileyo. Oko kuquka ukuba neencoko ezinzima nokubambana uxanduva.

UShivanya ucacisa esithi: “Ukuba awuluchazi utyekelo lwabo, ngubani oya kukwenza oko?

The ukungabikho konxibelelwano olunyanisekileyo noluvulelekileyo kubudlelwane ihlahlel indlela eya kwiintelekelelo, ingqumbo, umsindo kunye nongquzulwano-nto leyo, ngendlela, eyona nto ixhomekeke ekuqhubeni amazulu aphezulu ukuba ayiphephe.

6. Ukuphepha ingxabano

Ngenxa yokuba abantu babo bakholisa ubuntu, abantu abaxhomekeke kubo bayoyika ukukhathaza iimvakalelo zabanye. Bakuthiyile ukungakhululeki komlo, ngoko benza konke okusemandleni abo ukungazinanzi iimvakalelo zabo zokwenyani ukuze baphephe okanye baphephe ingxabano. Ukuqonda oku, makhe sijonge eminye imizekelo yobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kuwe:

• UPetros unikwe isabelo sokuphupha kwesinye isixeko. Ufuna ukuhamba, kodwa uyazi ukuba umfazi wakhe uPenelope angakuthiya ukuhamba. Ukuze aphephe ingxabano, uyawala umsebenzi engakhange athethe naye 
• USally uvakalelwa kukuba uDan uchithe ixesha elininzi kwigalufa ngeempelaveki. Kodwa kamsinya nje akukhankanya oku, uDan uqalisa ukucaphuka. Ke, uyasitshintsha isihloko kwaye akaphindi asiveze, nangona siqhubeka simkhathaza

Ezi zezinye zeempawu eziqinisekileyo zolwalamano oluzimeleyo. Abaxhomekekileyo abakhululekanga kakhulu ukuchaza kunye nothethathethwano ngeemfuno zabo. Ke, batshayela iingxaki phantsi kwekhaphethi. Loo nto ibangela ukuba baqokelelane kwaye bakhule de ubuhlobo bungene. 

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7. Ukunqongophala komntu ngamnye

Awukwazi ukuthetha ngeempawu ezilumkisayo zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke ngaphandle kokujongana nokungabikho kobuntu phakathi kobudlelwane obunjalo. Shivanya uthi, “Olona phawu luphambili lolwalamano oluxhomekeke kulwalamano kukuba umntu onyamekela iqabane lakhe unikela yonk’ into kwiqabane lakhe. 

Enyanisweni, abantu abaxhomekeke kwi-codependents benza isibini esibambelelayo esifumana kunzima ukusebenza ngokuzimeleyo okanye ukuphila ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Abanabahlobo okanye izinto abazithandayo okanye batyekele ekubambeleleni kwizinto ezithandwa liqabane labo, ngaphandle kokuyeka ukucinga ngento abayifunayo. Kwaye loo nto ikude nempilo. 

Iqhina lothando, nangona libalulekile, alinakuba bubomi ngokwalo. Ukulinganisa ukhetho lwakho olusekwe kwikhampasi yeqabane lakho kuya kukushiya unganelisekanga kwaye ulahlekile. Yiyo loo nto, ukwazi ukwenza ibhalansi ukuzimela kubudlelwane ibalulekile.

8. Kwakhona kunqongophele: Ubudlelwane bokwenene 

Usazibuza ukuba ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke bujongeka njani? Makhe sijonge omnye umzekelo wokuziphatha oxhomekekileyo: UMarko waqalisa incoko noRakeli kumgca wegrosari kwaye oko kwakhokelela kumhla omnye. Ngoku, uMarko uthi:

• Ukwenza kunye nokuziva ngathi bakubudlelwane 
• Ukuba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni wobomi kunye noRakeli 

Abantu abaxhomekeke kwi-codependents banengxaki yobudlelwane obukhawulezayo. Abafane bazinike ixesha lokwazi umntu kakuhle ngaphambi kokuba bazibophelele kubo. Bangamalovane kubudlelwane, abazibumbayo ukuze balungele ubomi bamaqabane abo kunye neembono zabo. Ngoba? Ngenxa yokungazithembi kunye nemiba yokulahlwa. Bafuna ukuthandwa kwaye abacingi ukuba ukubeka ubunyani babo phambili yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokwenza oko. 

Kodwa ubuhlobo bokwenene abukwazi ukwakhiwa kwi-smokescreens. Yiyo loo nto, emva kokuphela kokungxama kokuqala, abantu abaxhomekeke kubo bahlala bezifumana benamaqabane abangaziva basondele kuwo, bengakhululekanga kuwo, okanye bengawathembi. Ubudlelwane babo buziva ngathi yindlu yamakhadi: ihlala ishukuma kwaye ayisoze yomelele.

9. Imida engacacanga

NgokukaShivanya, unxibelelwano oluyimfihlo alusebenzi kakuhle. Oku kungenxa yokuba abantu kubudlelwane obusondeleyo badla ngokungakwazi ukumisela imida: 

• Zihlasela isithuba somnye rhoqo, yaye oku kunemiphumo eyingozi. Ngokomzekelo, umntu oxhomekeke kuye uxhomekeke ngokupheleleyo kumkhathaleli ukuba anyamekele zonke iintswelo zakhe ezingokweemvakalelo. Umgcini, okwangoku, uthi "ewe" apho abantu abaninzi bengasayi. Oku kuyabadinisa kwaye ekugqibeleni badinwe ngokugqithiseleyo
• Kwezinye iimeko, ukuxhomekeka kukhokelela ekwaphulweni kwemida yezemali neyesondo ngokunjalo. Oku kudla ngokwenzeka xa umnakekeli enika ixhoba ukufikelela ngokupheleleyo kwiimali zalo okanye akabeki migaqo isisiseko kwigumbi lokulala.

Ukuba, nangaliphi na ixesha, omnye wabo uzama ukuziqinisekisa okanye ukubeka imida, ubudlelwane buqala ukuba ngamatye. Abantu ababuxabisayo ubudlelwane babo bayayihlonipha imida yabo kunye neyamaqabane abo. Imida emfiliba ikhokelela kuphela kulwazi olumfiliba kwaye yenye yeempawu zokuqala zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke.

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10. Uxinzelelo: Uxinzelelo

Olunye lweempawu ezicacileyo zobudlelwane obunetyhefu kukuba ngumthombo othe rhoqo wokukhathazeka kunye noxinzelelo komnye okanye omabini amaqabane: 

• Umnakekeli ufumana ixhala kunye noxinzelelo ngenxa yokuba nguye ophethe iqabane lakhe ngamaxesha onke. Uxanduva lweemvakalelo kunye nolwasemzimbeni luthatha ubunzima kubo kwaye lubashiye bengonwabanga kwaye bekrakra ukuba abaqatshelwa okanye bangaxatyiswa.
• Ixhoba linokufumana intuthuzelo ngokuncama ukuzimela kwalo ekuqaleni, kodwa emva kwexesha elithile, linokuba noxinzelelo kwaye licaphukele ulawulo oluncinci lomnakekeli.

Ukuba neqabane lakho kufuneka kukuzisele uvuyo, intuthuzelo, kunye nokhuseleko. Ukuba ayenzi njalo, kungcono ukuba uthathe isitokhwe kwaye ucinge kwakhona ukuba kutheni kufuneka uhlale, ukuba kunjalo.

11. Ulahlekile: Ukuzithemba 

Iimpawu zobudlelwane obuyityhefu obuxhomekeke kuzo zikwabonisa ngokungaguquguqukiyo ukuzithemba okuphantsi. UShivanya uthi, “Ngumbandela wokuzixabisa nokuzijonga kwabo bobabini abo baxhomekeke kubo.

Ke, basenokungazami nokuzama ukwaphula ipateni yobudlelwane obusetyhula okanye bancede iqabane labo ukuba likwazi ukuzimela. Kungenxa yokuba banexhala lokuba baya kulahlekelwa yinjongo yabo ukuba benza njalo. Boyika ukuba xa sele benikwe amandla, iqabane labo liya kubashiya. “Ixhoba nalo alizimisele ukubulawula ubomi balo (kuba kufuneka lizive likhathalelwe ukuze lizive lifanelekile). ukuzijongela phantsi,” wongezelela uShivanya.  

Ukuba asibotshwanga kwaye asikhuselekanga kuthi, siyakufuna ukugqibezela okanye intsingiselo ngeqabane. Kodwa ukugqiba ukuzithemba kwethu ngokusekelwe kwindlela esiluncedo ngayo kwiqabane lethu kuya kukhokelela kuphela kwiintlungu eziqhubekayo kubudlelwane.

12. S yombingelelo

Yonke into inexabiso lethuba. Umkhathaleli akajongi nje iqabane lakhe; bakwenza oko ngeendleko zabo. "Enye yeempawu zobudlelwane obuzimeleyo kukuba umnakekeli wenza ukuzincama ngombono wozuko lwenkonzo kwaye bayaziqhenya ngokukhetha abakwenzayo kumlingane wabo. Oku kunokuba nantoni na - ukulahla ukunyuswa, ukuhlawula amatyala, ukuthutha izixeko, njl. "Utsho uShivanya. 

Nangona oku kuzincama kwenziwa ngokuzithandela kwalowo uxhomekeke kuye nangomoya wothando lokungazingci, bayayonakalisa imvakalelo yabo yokuzingca baze babuye njengengqumbo nomsindo ongapheliyo kamva. Xa kufikwa kukuzincama, siyavumelana noko uAyn Rand akutshoyo Intloko yoMthombo, “Ukuzincama? Kodwa yisiqu sakhe kanye esingenakuzincama.”

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13. Iipateni zobudlelwane obugwenxa

Kuba bomeleza ukuziphatha okuyingxaki kunye nokuxhomekeka, uninzi lwabantu ababonisa iimpawu zokuxhomekeka emtshatweni okanye kubudlelwane bothando nabo bazifumana bevaleleke kwiipateni zokuxhatshazwa kunye nobutyhefu. Ezi zidla ngokudlala ngeendlela ezimbini:

• Ixhoba (elihlala linembali yokukhotyokiswa) liqala ukuziva linelungelo lokuchitha ixesha kunye nengqalelo yeqabane lalo kwaye liye leyiseke ukuba iqabane lalo alikwazi ukuhamba. Ngoko baqalisa ukutyhala imida, kwaye oku kunyukela ekubeni kuxhatshazwe ngokwasemzimbeni, ngokweemvakalelo, okanye ngokwemali
• Okanye, umnakekeli uqala ukugcina amanqaku ayo yonke into ayenzileyo, uba krakra, aze ajike abe gwenxa. Isidingo sabo esikhulu solawulo sinokubaqhubela ukuba bawele umgca ukusuka ekukhathaleni ukuya ekulawuleni iqabane labo ukuba balathise indlela abaziphatha ngayo.

Ukuxhatshazwa, nangaluphi na uhlobo, yiflegi ebomvu ecacileyo kwaye phakathi kweempawu ezilumkisayo zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke ekungafuneki ukuba zingahoywa.

14. Ixesha elidlulileyo yintshayelelo  

Akukho mntu uvuka ngenye intsasa aze athathe isigqibo sokulawula ubomi beqabane lakhe. Okanye, iphuhlisa iimpawu zomthathi kulo mba. Ke, ukuba uyazibuza, "Kutheni ndixhomekeke kubudlelwane?", Yazi ukuba kukho izinto ezinzulu ezidlalayo. Iindlela zokuziphatha ezixhomekeke kwiindlela zokuziphatha ezifundwayo.

Ngenye isifundo, abathathi-nxaxheba balandele ukuxhomekeka kwabo kunye isimbo sokuncamathela esinexhala ukuba ngqongqo ngokugqithiseleyo kwabazali, ukulawula, ukugxeka, okanye ukufuna imfezeko, kunye nokungabi nankxaso. NgokukaShivanya, amava okuqala enza itemplate yeendlela ezininzi zokuziphatha ezixhomekeke kuzo:

• Mhlawumbi umlindi wafunda ukunyamekela abantu (mhlawumbi ilungu lentsapho eligulayo) kwasebutsheni bakhe 
• Ngokufanayo, ixhoba lisenokuba nembali yokungabi nakuzinceda nezizathu ezibangela ukuba linikezele kubomi babo 

Le mbali inesiphithiphithi isebenzisa ulawulo kuzo zombini njengoko bengenzanga uxolo kwixesha elidlulileyo, kwaye oku kukhokelela ekuphuhliseni iimpawu zabo zokuxhomekeka kubudlelwane.

15. Indawo: akukho ndawo

UShivanya uthi: “Akukho bani unokuchitha ubomi bakhe bonke enyamekela zonke iimfuno zeqabane lakhe okanye avumele iqabane lakhe ukuba lizenzele yonke into.

Enye yobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kwiiflegi ezibomvu kukuba ayinakho ulwalathiso lwexesha elide. Ingena ngokukhawuleza kubudlelwane obumileyo okanye obufana nobudlelwane be-karmic, apho omabini amaqabane aziva evalelwe kwaye azibuze, "Ndihamba njani?" Kodwa ukuphuma kubudlelwane obuyityhefu kunzima.

Ngokufuthi, izibini ezisebenzisanayo zisoloko zitsalelana kwakhona de enye yazo yanele. Noko ke, uShivanya wongezelela ngelithi: “Isiphelo sibuhlungu kakhulu kubo bobabini ababandakanyekileyo. Yiyo loo nto ukuqaphela ukuxhomekeka, ngakumbi ukuxhomekeka okuyityhefu, ukuba yintoni kwaye nokufunda indlela yokuyeka ukuxhomekeka kunye nendlela yokulungisa ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke kuyo kubalulekile.

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Amanyathelo ama-6 omawuthathe ukuba uziva ubanjelwe kubudlelwane

Uwuqhawula njani umjikelo weCodependency

"Kutheni ndixhomekeke kubudlelwane?" Asiyonto abantu abazibuza yona, abahlobo babo, abanyangi, okanye iqela lenkxaso kwangethuba. Kungenxa yokuba iindlela ezininzi zokuziphatha ezinxulunyaniswa nokuxhomekeka, njengokubeka abanye kuqala, ziyakhuthazwa kwiindawo zentlalo kunye neenkcubeko ezihlangeneyo. Oku kwenza kube nzima ukuba abantu badibanise amachaphaza phakathi kokuxhomekeka kunye nexhala, umsindo, okanye uxinzelelo abaluvayo okanye iingxaki abajongene nazo kubudlelwane.  

Kwakhona, iindima ezixhomekeke kuzo azisoloko zicacile. Ngamanye amaxesha, iqabane elifanayo lingabonisa amacala omabini e-codependency, oku kuthetha ukuba bangaba ngumniki (uthetha ngokweemvakalelo / ngokwemali) kunye nomthathi (ngokwesondo). Ke, ukubona iimpawu zobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kunye nokufunda indlela yokwaphula umjikelo wobudlelwane obuxhomekeke kunokuba nzima. Kodwa kunokwenziwa. I-Codependency yindlela yokuziphatha efundiweyo, kwaye njengayo nayiphi na into efundwayo, inokupheliswa. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iimpawu ezili-11 zokuthi ukumtshato ozimeleyo

Ngoko njani ukulungisa ubudlelwane obuxhomekeke? Nantsi indlela yokuyeka ukuxhomekeka, ukoyisa ukuxhomekeka, kwaye wenze ubudlelwane obunempilo:

• Yamkele iipateni zakho: Qonda umahluko phakathi koxanduva lwakho kunye noxanduva kwiqabane lakho. Funda ukuthetha ngemida uze uyihlonele. Oko kuya kuthetha ukuba uthi hayi xa uphendula. Ukwenza oku ngaphandle kokubuyela kwiipateni ezindala yinkqubo kwaye kuya kuthatha ixesha
• Inzame yokwaphula iipateni: Chonga ukuziphatha okuxhomekekayo, zirekhode kwijenali ukuba ufuna njalo, kwaye ubeke endaweni yazo ngezisempilweni. Ngokomzekelo, endaweni yokungxamela ukuhlangula umlindi, umlindi kuya kufuneka afunde ukubuya umva, abe ngaphantsi kunokuba anokuba njalo, aze anyamezele ukuxhalaba okubangelwa koko. 
• Gxila kuwe: Funda indlela yokuzimela ngakumbi kubudlelwane kwaye ulawule ubomi bakho. Jikela ingqalelo yakho ngaphakathi, chitha ixesha kunye nawe, kwaye uzame ukuzenzela izigqibo. Yahlula iinjongo zakho kunye nezinto onomdla kuzo kwiqabane lakho. Kumkhathaleli okholisa abantu, oku kuya kuthetha ukubeka phambili ukuzikhathalela nokufunda ukuziva unetyala ngako. 
• Ukuthetha: Thetha uthethathethwano kwaye unxibelelane ukuze uyeke ukuhamba kumaqokobhe amaqanda nijikelezana. Yakhani indawo ekhuselekileyo apho nobabini ninokuthetha khona ngokuphandle nangokunyaniseka
• Lawula iimvakalelo zakho: Funda ukuhlala kunye nokujongana neemvakalelo zakho. Wonwabe ngokwakho. Musa ukuthembela kumntu okanye into engaphandle kwakho ukuba ikwenze uzive ulungile 
• Fumana uncedo lwengcali: Abantu abaninzi baye bavela bomelele kubudlelwane obuxhomekeke kwaye baphule umjikelo ongafanelekanga wokuxhomekeka kunye nokuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo ngoncedo lonyango. Ngoko musa ukoyika ukufikelela uncedo. Yethu abacebisi kwiphaneli yeBonobology kukucofa nje kude

Kwaye ngolo hlobo, siye sagubungela imiqondiso ethile yobudlelwane obungenampilo obuxhomekeke kwikhowudi, imizekelo yobudlelwane obuxhomekeke, kunye neendlela zokulungisa ubudlelwane obunjalo. Ngethemba, ezi ziya kukunceda ubone iiflegi ezibomvu ezinokubakho kwaye uzilungise. Khumbula, akukho nto ifana nokuxhomekeka okunempilo.

Eli nqaku lihlaziywe ngoJulayi 2023.

Iingcebiso zokuhlala kunye nokujongana neqabane elinxilisayo

Iindlela ezili-9 zokuZimela kubudlelwane bothando

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