22 Imikhwa Embi Eyonakalisa Ubudlelwane

Kulwalamano lomtshato, omabini amaqabane alindeleke ukuba amkele iimpawu ezintle zomnye kunye neentsilelo zawo, ngentliziyo epheleleyo. Ngaphandle kokwamkelwa okunjalo, ubudlelwane abuyi kuba nako ukuphila ngempumelelo. Nangona kunjalo, kukho imikhwa ethile embi yobudlelwane omnye wamaqabane anokuthi ayiphuhlise ethubeni enokuthi bonakalise amandla abo. Le yimikhwa emibi engenakukwazi ukulungiswa kubudlelwane kwaye kufuneka iqwalaselwe ngokukhawuleza.

Ngokwalo isifundo, kukho uphando olude olunxulumanisa umtshato nokunciphisa imikhwa engafanelekanga enjengokutshaya, nokukhuthaza imikhwa engcono yempilo enjengokuxilongwa rhoqo. Nangona kunjalo, uphando olutsha luvelayo olucebisa ukuba izibini ezitshatileyo ezitshatileyo kunye nezibini ezithandana nabantu abathandana nabo kubudlelwane obusondeleyo bexesha elide zinokuthatha imikhwa engalunganga yomnye kubudlelwane ngokunjalo.

UCorinne Reczek, isekela likanjingalwazi weUC kwinzululwazi ngentlalontle, unikela le ngxelo, “Abantu ngabanye badibana kwimikhwa yempilo kulo lonke elo xesha lolwalamano lwabo, kuba imikhwa engafanelekanga yomnye ikhuthaza ngokungqalileyo imikhwa engafanelekanga yomnye kulwalamano lwabo.” 

Kutheni Ubudlelwane Bubuthathaka?

Ngaphambi kokuba siqhubele phambili sidwelise imikhwa emibi eyonakalisa ubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukuba siqonde ukuba kutheni ubudlelwane kule mihla buye bubuthathaka. Ukulawula ubudlelwane bothando kuye kwaba ngumsebenzi onzima kubantu abaxakekileyo bejongene noxanduva lobuchwephesha kunye nezinye izibophelelo zobuqu. Ukuba uyasilela ukunika indawo yokuqala kubudlelwane bakho, uya kubona kungekudala iimpawu iqabane lakho lithatha ubudlelwane njengento nje.

Abanye babo abakakulungeli ukwenza iinguqulelo kunye nezibophelelo ezinzulu xa bethandana. Amanye amaqabane ayazingca kwaye alawula ngokweemvakalelo abanye babo ababalulekileyo ukuze kulungelwe bona. Le yimikhwa emibi kubudlelwane ekhokelela kwisiphumo esibi kwimpilo yengqondo yabantu.

Kunokuba banxibelelane ubuso ngobuso namaqabane abo, abantu bakhetha ukushiya umyalezo wombhalo okanye ubafowunele, nto leyo edla ngokudala imiqobo engafunwayo nokungaqondani. Abantu abaninzi bayayeka ukukhulisa ubudlelwane babo kwaye abanaso isibindi sokujongana neengxaki ezihamba nobudlelwane, ngelixa kukho abanye abantu abafuna nje i-adventure, ngoko ke ingcamango yokuchitha ubomi babo nomntu omnye ayibatsali.

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Sonke siqokelele imikhwa yobudlelwane obungenampilo. Iqhina lokwenyani kunye noqhagamshelo kubudlelwane alukho kule mihla. Uninzi lwabantu lufuna ulonwabo kunye namakhubalo angaphandle obudlelwane, ngenxa yokuba ubudlelwane buphulukene nobunzulu nothando. Umfanekiso onjalo ombi wobudlelwane kufuneka utshintshwe kwaye umntu kufuneka enze imizamo yokuqinisekisa ukuba ubudlelwane babo buyasinda kuvavanyo lwexesha. Khumbula, ubudlelwane yintsikelelo ekufuneka izalisekiswe kwaye ityebise kumaqabane omabini.

22 Imikhwa emibi Eyonakalisa uBudlelwane kwaye ifuna ukulungiswa

Ekubeni unxulumano kule mihla lubuthathaka, lufuna ingqalelo nokhuthazo oluqhubekayo. Intshukumo enye embi kwicala lakho inokubangela umonakalo ongenakulungiseka kwibhondi yakho neqabane lakho. Ke ngoko, luxanduva lwakho ukuqiniseka ukuba uyavuma ukuba unemikhwa ethile eyonakalisa ubudlelwane kwaye wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuyisusa. Nantsi i-rundown ekhawulezayo ye-22 imikhwa emibi eyonakalisa ubudlelwane.

1. Usoloko ulingxolisa iqabane lakho

Ekuqaleni, iqabane lakho linokufumana ukubamba kwakho kunye nokuphazamiseka kumnandi. Nangona kunjalo, ekuhambeni kwexesha, iya kucaphukisa, ngakumbi ukuba ihlala ihlala njalo. Kufuneka usete imida ukwenza ubudlelwane bakho bomelele kwaye uhloniphe indawo yabucala kunye nexesha leqabane lakho.

2. Ukuphepha iingxabano ezingqalileyo

Kusenokwenzeka ukuba uphephe ukujongana ngezikhondo zamehlo ngenxa yokuba ubundlavini obungenakwenziwa bunobunzulu bendalo yakho. Kodwa ke olu hlobo lokuziphatha luya kubangela ingozi ngakumbi kubudlelwane bakho. Kubalulekile ukuba unyaniseke kwiqabane lakho kwaye ubazise ukuba yintoni engalunganga endaweni yokugcina yonke into ivaliwe. Kodwa musa ukuguqula iingxabano zakho zibe zizinto ezibulala ubudlelwane. Kukho 'indlela' yokuba nempixano nayo, njengoko ichaziwe ngaphambili.

U-Amy Rauer uthi ngaphakathi kwesi sifundo, “…izibini ebezitshatile ixesha elide bezityekele ekuchazeni iingxabano ezimbalwa ngokubanzi - kodwa xa bexambulisana, bathanda ukuxambulisana ngeendlela ezinemveliso, begxininisa kwizinto ezinokusonjululwa, kwaye begxininisa izisombululo kunokuba bakhuphe umoya.

3. Ukuthetha izinto ezimbi ngosapho/izihlobo zeqabane lakho

Kufuneka ulumke kakhulu kwaye uphephe ukuthetha nantoni na embi malunga nabahlobo kunye nosapho lweqabane lakho. Iqabane lakho lingathetha phambi kwakho malunga nabantu ababathandayo. Nangona kunjalo, ngokuqinisekileyo abayi kuzixabisa iimbono ezingalunganga malunga nabo ezivela kuwe.

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4. Ukuzama ukuqalisa utshintsho kwiqabane lakho

Ngoku ka uphando kwimikhwa emibi enefuthe kubudlelwane bakho, enye indlela ephambili apho amaqabane athandanayo azama ukusombulula impixano kunye nokuphucula ubudlelwane babo ngokucelana ukuba batshintshe ukuziphatha okanye iimpawu ezinganelisekiyo (oko kukuthi, ummiselo weqabane). Nangona utshintsho olucelwe liqabane oluyimpumelelo lunamandla okuphucula iziphumo zobuqu nezobudlelwane, olu tshintsho kunzima ukuzenza kwaye endaweni yoko lunokubeka emngciphekweni umgangatho wobudlelwane.

Ngoko ke siyinqanda njani le mikhwa eyonakalisa ubudlelwane ekubeni iqhubeke? Umphandi, uNatalie Sisson, ucebisa iindlela ezimbini iqabane elinokuthi liguqule imbono yabo ukuze lilungele ngakumbi kwisicelo sotshintsho:

• Ukuzikhulisa: Khetha ukutolika kwakhona isicelo sotshintsho njengomqondiso wokuba iqabane lakho lifuna ukukunceda ukhule kwaye ube yinguqulelo engcono kuwe ngokuyeka imikhwa yobudlelwane obungenampilo.
• Ukukhula kobudlelwane: Musa ukujonga ezi zicelo zotshintsho njengezinto ezitshabalalisa ubudlelwane, kodwa njengophawu lokuzibophelela kweqabane lakho kuwe kunye nokuphucula ubudlelwane. Oku kunokuba kukhuthaza kwaye kungaphazamisi

Khumbula, iqabane lakho lisenokungabi ngoyena mntu ubusoloko umfuna, kodwa ke kubalulekile ukuba ulamkele ngokupheleleyo. Musa ukuba nolindelo olungekho ngqiqweni kwaye ungabanyanzeli ukuba baphume kwindawo yabo yokuthuthuzela. Akufunekanga uqalise naluphi na uhlobo lotshintsho olukhulu kwiqabane lakho.

5. Ukuthelekisa iqabane lakho nabanye

Musa ukuwela kwi umgibe wokuthelekisa! Nokuba uyenza ngokuqonda okanye ngokungazi, kufuneka uyeke ukuthelekisa iqabane lakho nabanye abantu abakungqongileyo. Ukuxabisa iqabane lakho kubaluleke kakhulu. Kufuneka uhloniphe iqabane lakho kwaye umkhuthaze ukuba abe ngumntu ongcono, endaweni yokuthelekisa rhoqo kunye nokubeka phantsi.

6. Ukuchitha ixesha kwizinto zombane

Itekhnoloji ibe yinxalenye kunye nenxalenye yobomi bakho. Kodwa ubudlelwane bakho kufuneka bube yeyona nto iphambili kuwe kwaye ungabukeli uthotho olungapheliyo okanye ube neencoko zevidiyo zemini yonke nabahlobo. Kufuneka ulinike ixesha iqabane lakho xa usekhaya. Kuphephe ukusebenzisa ifowuni yakho ephathwayo kunye nelaptop xa iqabane lakho likhona. Ngale ndlela, unokunxibelelana neqabane lakho ngendlela enzulu.

I-Phubbing kunye nokulutha kwefowuni zizinto ezonakalisa ubudlelwane ngokuqinisekileyo. Ngoku ka uphando, "Into esiyifumeneyo kukuba xa umntu ebona ukuba iqabane lakhe libaphuphile, oku kwadala ungquzulwano kwaye kwakhokelela kumanqanaba aphantsi olwaneliseko lobudlelwane. La manqanaba aphantsi okwaneliseka kobudlelwane, ngokulandelayo, akhokelela kumanqanaba aphantsi olwaneliseko lobomi kwaye, ekugqibeleni, amanqanaba aphezulu okudakumba."

7. Ukugxeka kakhulu iqabane lakho

Ukuba uqaphela ukuba uligxeka kakhulu iqabane lakho kwaye oko kakhulu rhoqo, kufuneka uyeke. Kuphephe ukwenza amazwi arhabaxa ngenkangeleko yabo okanye ukuthetha nantoni na embi ngomsebenzi wabo. Funda ukunika ingxelo ngendlela eyakhayo ukuze yamkelwe kakuhle.

8. Ukugcina umkhondo weempazamo zexesha elidlulileyo zeqabane lakho

Sibuze umfundi wethu, uTucker, umcebisi ngezemali ovela eSan Diego: Yeyiphi imikhwa emibi echaphazela ubudlelwane bakho okanye zeziphi izinto eziqhelekileyo ezibulala ubudlelwane? Wayelungile ngempendulo yakhe, “Iqabane lam lizisa iimpazamo zam zangaphambili, kungekuphela nje xa singquzulana kodwa kwanaxa izinto zilungisiwe yaye sinemini yoxolo. Uyenza nje ngokungakhathali, kwaye ibonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba umcimbi uyaphila kwaye ungaphakathi entloko yakhe, kwaye asizange siyisombulule kwaye siqhubele phambili.

Akanakuthetha nam ngalo mba xa kufanelekile. Ndiye ndazi ukuba usebuhlungu ngemizuzu nje engalindelekanga. Ndikholelwa ukuba lo ngumkhwa ombi otshabalalisa ulwalamano oluninzi.” Ewe, kufuneka ufunde ukuxolela iqabane lakho xa lithe lenze impazamo kwaye ulilibale nalo. Ukuba kwenzeka ukuba ugcine umkhondo iimpazamo ezidlulileyo iqabane lakho kwaye ukukhankanya ezi ngexesha iingxabano nokulwa, ngoko kuya kuba nefuthe elibi kubudlelwane bakho ukuba akuyi kuba nako ukulungisa.

9. Ukungakhathali kakhulu

Ngokungathandabuzekiyo, ekuhambeni kwexesha, uya kukhululeka kunye neqabane lakho kwaye uzive unelisekile kwaye wonwabile. Kodwa ke kufuneka uqinisekise ukuba iqabane lakho likhululekile. Ukuba uye waneliseka kakhulu kwaye uthathe iqabane lakho njengento elula, ngoko iya kuba yimpazamo enkulu kakhulu kwicala lakho. Yile ndlela izibini ezininzi eziphela ngayo zithi: Andiziva ndithandwa kubudlelwane bam.

10. Ukugcina amanqanaba aphantsi ococeko

Ngokuqinisekileyo lo ngomnye wemikhwa emibi kubudlelwane kunye nokucima okukhulu. Ukuzigcina ucocekile kwaye ucocekile akubalulekanga kuphela ngexesha lokuthandana neqabane. Kufuneka ugcine amanqanaba aphezulu ococeko naxa ungatshatanga, kwaye naxa uhamba neqabane lakho okanye utshate nabo. Ukunqongophala kococeko kuya kudala umbono ombi ngawe. Amanqanaba ococeko abonakalisa umlingiswa wakho kunye nendlela okhule ngayo.

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11. Ukuxabana neqabane lakho esidlangalaleni

Ukuba unomkhwa wokuxambulisana neqabane lakho phambi kwezalamane zakho, abahlobo, okanye kwiindawo zikawonkewonke, ngoko ngumkhwa ombi ngokwenene. Imeko enjalo iya kuba neentloni kubantu abakungqongileyo nakwiqabane lakho. Kuhlala kungcono ukulungisa imiba ngasese.

12. Ukuchwechwela kunye nokubeka iliso kwiqabane lakho

Sabuza uDyllan, oneminyaka engama-30 ubudala ongumqeshwa weshishini: Yeyiphi imikhwa eyonakalisa ubudlelwane? Bathi: “Ukuba uyandibuza, imikhwa emibi etshabalalisa ulwalamano oluninzi ibangelwa kutyekelo oluqhubekayo lokungathembi iqabane lakho.Akulula njengokungathembeki, hayi.Umzekelo, ukuba iqabane lakho alikwazi kuchitha ixesha nawe ngenye imini, awufanele ukhawuleze ufikelele kwisigqibo sokuba alikuthandi okanye alikuxabisi ngaphezu kwezihlobo zalo.Mthembe xa esithi uyamthanda.”

Ukuthembela kufuneka kube sisiseko esiphambili sobudlelwane bakho. Kufuneka uhloniphe imfihlo yeqabane lakho. Musa ukujika ube yi-stalker ekhasayo kwaye ugcine iliso kwiqabane lakho 24*7. Kwaye kuphephe ngokupheleleyo ukuya nge email iqabane lakho, imiyalezo, etc. Le yimikhwa eyonakalisa ubudlelwane.

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13. Ukungahoyi impendulo ephilileyo evela kwiqabane lakho

Ngokucacileyo, awuyi kuyithanda into yokuba iqabane lakho likugxeka. Kodwa ke, ukuba iqabane lakho likunika ingxelo ephilileyo, kufuneka uyimamele. Iqabane lakho likufuna okona kulungileyo kwaye ke liya kukugxeka ukuze likuncede uphucule. Ke ukungayihoyi ingxelo enjalo kuya kukwenzakalisa ngaphezu kokulungileyo.

14. Ungathethi ngobomi bakho bokwabelana ngesondo neqabane lakho

Kude kwaye ngaphandle kokuba uveze iminqweno yakho yesini kunye nolonwabo, iqabane lakho aliyi kukwazi ukukwanelisa. Ke, kuya kufuneka uvulele iqabane lakho kwaye ubazise into oyifunayo. Ukuthetha ngeemfuno zakho zesini kunye malunga Ukuzama ebhedini neqabane lakho kufuneka ibe yinto eqhelekileyo kuwe.

15. Ukunikezela ngolwazi oluninzi lobuqu kusapho nezihlobo

Ubudlelwane owabelana nabo neqabane lakho bungcwele. Imiba eninayo omnye komnye kufuneka igcinwe bucala. Ukuba uhlala udiza ulwazi malunga nobomi bakho babucala kubahlobo bakho kunye nosapho, ke ngenye imini kuya kudala imiba emikhulu kubudlelwane bakho. Ke ngoko, gcina usapho kunye nabahlobo bakho ngaphandle kobudlelwane owabelana nabo nomntu omthandayo.

16. Ukwaphula izithembiso rhoqo

Omnye wakho obalulekileyo ulindele ukuba usigcine isithembiso xa usenza. Mhlawumbi okokuqala usaphula isithembiso, iqabane lakho liya kusiyeka. Kodwa ukuba uqhubeka usaphula izithembiso rhoqo, uya kuphoxeka ngakumbi iqabane lakho. Ngoko yenza isithembiso kuphela xa usazi ukuba unokusithobela. Ungaze usebenzise ikamva elizayo ukulawula iimvakalelo zeqabane lakho.

17. Ukuba nomona nokuba nezinto ezininzi

Ikhwele elincinane kwicala lakho linokunika isiqinisekiso kwiqabane lakho ukuba ulithanda ngokwenene kwaye uyalixabisa. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uba nomona ngokugqithisileyo kwaye ulawule ngokugqithiseleyo, ke yenye yeendlela ezimbi zobudlelwane ezinokuthi zifuthanise lowo umthandayo.

18. Ukulibala iimbali zobudlelwane

Iziganeko ezibalulekileyo zobudlelwane yindlela yokubhiyozela iinkumbulo enizichithe nobabini kule minyaka idlulileyo. Ukuba uqhubeka ubalibala, oko kuthetha ukuba awulixabisi iqabane lakho kunye namaxesha achithwa kunye nabo.

19. Ukucinga kakubi ngezinto

Ebomini bakho, uya kujongana namahla-ndinyuka. Kodwa oku akuthethi ukuba usoloko ucinga ngezinto ezingakhiyo uze ungazixabisi izinto ezintle ebomini. Ukuba uqhubeka ucinga kakubi, ngoko kuya kuba nzima kuwe kuphela, kodwa nakwiqabane lakho.

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20. Ukuzibandakanya kwiPDA

Akukho bungozi ekubambeni izandla kunye nokuncamisa iqabane lakho kanye ngexesha elithile esidlangalaleni. Nangona kunjalo, i-PDA engaguqukiyo ibopheleleke ukuba ibenze bangonwabi kwaye baxake ngaxa lithile. Kufuneka uyeke ukungabi naluvelwano kwiimvakalelo zeqabane lakho kwakunye nabantu abakungqongileyo nobabini.

21. Ukufihla izinto ngokusetyenziswa kobuxoki obumhlophe

Ubuxoki obumhlophe abunamsebenzi kwaye abunabungozi. Kodwa ukuba ungena kumkhwa wokusebenzisa ubuxoki obumhlophe rhoqo ukufihla izinto kwiqabane lakho, kuya kutshabalalisa ubudlelwane bakho. Ithemba iqabane lakho kuwe liya kuqhawula xa lijongene nentaba yobuxoki bakho. A ixoki elinyanzelekileyo awukwazi ukukhulisa ubudlelwane, ngoko ke jonga loo mkhwa wokuxoka ukuze usindise uthando lwakho.

22. Ukugcina iimvakalelo zivaliwe

Oku kunokonakalisa ulwalamano lwenu ngeyona ndlela imbi kakhulu. Ukuba awuthethi ngeemvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo zakho, ngoko iqabane lakho aliyi kukwazi ukukuqonda nokukuthuthuzela. Nobabini aniyi kukwazi ukunxulumana omnye nomnye ngokweemvakalelo. Musa ukugxeka iqabane lakho ngokungafezekisi iimfuno zakho xa ungakwazi ukuzivakalisa.

Le mikhwa mibi isenokungabonakali iyingozi kuwe, kodwa ekuhambeni kwexesha, inokuba yingozi kakhulu kwaye inokuphelisa ubudlelwane bakho. Ke ngoko, kuya kufuneka wenze iinzame zokuziphucula kwaye wophule imikhwa emibi ngaphambi kokuba itshabalalise ubudlelwane bakho ngaphaya kokulungiswa.

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Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.