Kuthetha Ukuthini Ukuganwa? Iindlela ezili-12 ezitshintsha ubudlelwane bakho emva kwesindululo

Uyithandile, ngoko uyenzile faka umsesane kuyo. Okokuqala, halala! Ngoku makhe singene kumbuzo onizise apha: ingaba kuthetha ukuthini ukuganwa kwaba bantu babini babandakanyeka kubudlelwane? Kuthetha ukuba "uyenze yasemthethweni" kwaye wenze isigqibo sokuzinikela ubomi bonke Okanye yiloo ndlela ubuncinane abantu abaninzi abaza kukuchaza ngayo uthethathethwano. Nangona kunjalo, impendulo yokuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuganana nomntu kungabandakanya okungaphezulu, kokubini malunga nokutshintsha kobudlelwane bakho kunye nendlela obonwa ngayo njengesibini eluntwini. 

Nje ukuba uthathe isigqibo sokuganana nomntu omthandayo, yonke into ekungqongileyo iyatshintsha ngokukhawuleza kangangokuba awufumani nexesha lokucinga ngezinto otyhubela kuzo. Ukuba usandula ukwenza isigqibo sokutshata kwaye unokunxulumana neemvakalelo zezinto eziguqukayo ezikungqongileyo ngokukhawuleza, ke olu luhlu lulapha lunokukunceda ukuba uqonde okuza kwenzeka. 

Kodwa ngaphambi koko, ithini imbali yesiko lothethathethwano? Kwaye uluchaza njani uthethathethwano? Masifumanise yonke into ekhoyo malunga nokubandakanyeka kuthando lobomi bakho.

Imbali yesiko lokuthethathethana

Imbali isoloko ineempendulo kwimibuzo emininzi yobomi bethu. Ngoko, masiqale apho. Kuthetha ukuthini ukubandakanyeka ngokwembali? Isiko lothethathethwano linokulandwa ukususela kumaxesha amandulo kumazwe asentshona, nangona kunjalo, ukuntsonkotha kwesi siko kwakwahluke kakhulu kwinto eyiyo namhlanje. 

Ngokwembali, umyeni oza kuboniswa eyakhe injongo yokutshata kuyise womtshakazi wakhe. Xa bedibene umyeni nabazali bomtshakazi babeza nemigaqo yomtshato. Emva koku, umyeni uya kukhupha ikhazi njengentlawulo yokuqinisekisa isivumelwano somtshato. Yayiluthethathethwano olo.

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Ngokuhamba kwexesha, amaza aguquka, kwaye okwahlukileyo kwaba yinto eqhelekileyo. Abazali bomtshakazi banikela ngekhazi kumyeni ukuze baqinisekise isivumelwano somtshato. Ukuza kuthi ga kwixesha langoku, ikhazi liye lathandeka ngakumbi, kwaye lo mkhuba uye wapheliswa kumazwe asentshona, ngenxa yemithetho efanelekileyo. 

Namhlanje, uthethathethwano sisithethe kubantu ababini abakubudlelwane. Isibini sinokufuna iintsikelelo zamalungu osapho lwaso kwaye sikhethe ukwenza umtshato phambi kwabahlobo baso. Okanye banokwenza ngasese. Umsitho unokumakishwa ngokutshintshiselana amakhonkco okanye umfana ehla ngedolo elinye, ecela iqabane lakhe ukuba atshate naye, kwaye afake umsesane emnweni wabo. Lowo ucetywayo (ngokuqhelekileyo umfazi), wamkela ngokuthi “Ewe, ndiza kukutshata”. Yiyo leyo; isibini ngoku sithembisene ngomtshato.

Kuthetha Ukuthini Ukuganwa?

Ngoku, kuthetha ukuthini ukubandakanyeka ngokusemthethweni, kubudlelwane bakho, nakwimbono yentlalo? Ewe, ngelixa ukuganana kungekho naziphi na izithintelo ezisemthethweni, oko kuthetha ukuba ngoku ukwisivumelwano esisemthethweni sokutshata. Ngokomntu, kuthetha ukuba omnye wakho obalulekileyo uyakuthanda kwaye ufuna ukuthatha inyathelo elilandelayo kubudlelwane bakho. Kwaye ngokwentlalo, kuthetha ukuba ngoku ubonwa njengeyunithi kwaye ubudlelwane bakho bunokufumana ukusemthethweni okukhulu. 

Kodwa, asiyongcaciso yokuba “kuthetha ukuthini ukuganana” oyizeleyo, akunjalo? Ukuba usandul 'ukubeka umsesane kuyo okanye uceba, kungokwemvelo ukuba unemibuzo malunga nokuba kuthetha ntoni kwikamva lakho njengesibini. Ngapha koko, linyathelo elibalulekileyo kulwalamano lwakho. Ukufumana umntu okuthandayo okanye omthandayo ngokwaneleyo ukuba ufune ukuchitha ubomi bakho bonke kunye yinto ekhethekileyo. 

Kwaye ngaphezu kwayo nantoni na, ukuzibandakanya kuthetha ukuba ngoku ungena entsha isigaba somtshato kubudlelwane bakho. Izinto ziya kutshintsha ngokuqinisekileyo, kodwa ukuba uqinisekile malunga nokukhetha kwakho, uya kuba nexesha elifanelekileyo kweli nqanaba litsha. Ithemba lokuceba umtshato wenu nobomi bomtshato kunye liya kukwenza ube nethemba elibi.

Esi sigaba sikwathetha ukuba ngoku uwele imiqobo yokukhetha umsesane ogqibeleleyo wothethathethwano okanye ucwangcisa elona qela libalaseleyo lothethathethwano, kwaye xa uvuyisana nolonwabo luqala ukuphela, konke malunga nesithembiso sothando omnye komnye, ekuguleni nempilo, kunye nokuzalisekisa kunye.

Ukuba le nkcazo imfutshane neswiti malunga nokuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuba sithenjisiwe ayikhange iluphelise umdla wakho, makhe sintywizise kwindlela ezili-12 ezitshintsha ngayo ubudlelwane bakho emva kwesindululo.

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Iindlela ezili-12 zoTshintsho kubudlelwane bakho emva kokutshata

Ukuba uyazibuza, "Kuthetha ukuthini xa umntu esithi zizinto zokuzibandakanya?", ekugqibeleni uya kufumana impendulo apha. Ukunxiba isithuba umsesane yothethathethwano isiphakamiso umtshato ngokuqinisekileyo linyathelo elikhulu phambili kubudlelwane bakho. Awusathandana nje; ngoku nisisibini esithembisene ngomtshato. 

Kwaye xa uqhubela phambili ebomini, kukhokelela kwiinguqu ezithile ezingenakuthintelwa kubudlelwane bakho. Ke, phakathi kwazo zonke ii-hubbubs zesi siqalo sitsha, makhe sigqibe kunye ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuganana nomntu kunye nendlela olutshintsha ngayo ubudlelwane bakho.

Khumbula nje, utshintsho asiyonto inokoyikwa; ukunye nomntu omthandayo, kwaye uwele imiqobo emininzi ukuze ube kule ndawo ukuyo ngoku. Okulandelayo, zininzi izinto kunye nokuzinikela ekufuneka uzikhathalele, ke masikuthathe kuhambo lwento ezayo kobu bomi butsha njengesibini esithembisene ngomtshato.

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1. Ukufudukela ngaphakathi ngokuqinisekileyo kumakhadi ngoku

Emva kokuba ufumene umsesane wokuzibandakanya, ukuhamba kunye nokwabelana ngesondo ngokuqinisekileyo kumakhadi ngoku ukuba awuzange uwele ezo bhulorho. Kwaye linyathelo elikhulu eliya phambili. Niza kube nibonana ngalo lonke ixesha, kwaye anisayi kuphinda nikhumbulane. Khumbula ubusuku bonke obunqwenelayo ukusondelelana ngokwasemzimbeni neqabane lakho kodwa anikwazanga? Akuyomfuneko ukuba ubalangazelele.

Nangona kunjalo, nangona inika umdla, kufuneka uyiphathe ngononophelo. Njengesibini esandula ukutshata, kubalulekile ukuba nobabini kunye neqabane lakho niqaphele iimfuno zomnye, iimfuno kunye nokulindela. Zininzi iindlela onokukwenza ngazo oko, kodwa eyona nto iphambili kukuba kufuneka uvule, wamkele, kwaye ube nengqalelo ngeli xesha ukuze uphile ngokwezibophelelo ezenziwe ngexesha lothethathethwano lwakho.

2. Kuya kufuneka ube nolwazelelelo ngakumbi

Ukuhamba neqabane lakho kuyonwabisa, kodwa kufuneka ukhumbule ukubanika indawo yabo. Into yokuba nihlala kunye ayithethi ukuba iqabane lakho alisafuni mfihlo. Indawo yobuqu kubudlelwane iya kunceda ukudala indawo ekhuselekileyo yeqabane lakho, kwaye abayi kuziva bonganyelwe lutshintsho. Nje ukuba uhloniphe indawo yabo, kuya kufuneka utshintshe eminye imikhwa.

Ukususela ekungashiyi ithawula emanzi phezu kwebhedi ukuya kuthatha emva kwakho, ezi zizinto ezincinci, kodwa zidlala indima enkulu. Ngexesha lokuhlalisana kwakho, uya kufumana izinto eziphawula iqabane lakho. 

Ngoko ngokwendalo, kungcono ukuba uzikhwebule kwezo zinto okanye ube nengxoxo eshushu neqabane lakho malunga nazo. Uhlengahlengiso kunye nemibingelelo ngokubanzi ayihambi ilize, kwaye olu hlengahlengiso luncinci, okanye ubuncinci iincoko malunga nabo, luya kukunceda wenze amava akho ahamba-hambayo abe ngcono kakhulu.

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3. Izicwangciso zodwa ziya kuba zizicwangciso zamaqabane

Ngokuqinisekileyo, unokuba nobusuku bakho bokuphuma kunye nendawo, kodwa ubukhulu becala, uya kufuna ukuba kunye kwaye wenze izinto kunye. Oku kuthetha ukuba kuya kufuneka udibanise iqabane lakho kwizicwangciso zakho kwaye ngokuphambeneyo. Oku kunokuba lutshintsho olukhulu ekuqaleni kodwa uya kukhula ukuyithanda.

Kancinci, ngomzamo ovela kumaqela omabini, iishedyuli zakho ziya kudityaniswa, kwaye uya kuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye kunokuba uhlukane ngexesha leentsuku zakho. Ukusuka ekuthengeni igrosari ukuya kwindawo yokuzivocavoca, ukuchitha ixesha kuya kukunceda ukuba usondele kwaye ukhule kunye ngokufuziselayo nangokwenyani (ngenxa yejimu).

Ngelixa lonke ixesha elisemgangathweni kunye namathuba okudibanisa makhulu, kufuneka kwakhona uqonde into yokuba kunokubakho amaxesha apho iqabane lakho lingenako ukukubandakanya kwizicwangciso zabo okanye libe yinxalenye yeyakho (kunye nolunye). Usenobomi ababini bomntu ngamnye ukuba uphile, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba nzima ukulinganisa yonke into. Ke, eyona nto iphambili apha kukunxibelelana nabo kwaye ufumane indlela yolungelelwaniso lokwabelana kunye indawo yobuqu kubudlelwane.

4. Uya kukhululeka ukuxhomekeka kwiqabane lakho

Ubomi abunabulungisa, yaye maxa wambi naxa unikela ngako konke onako emntwini, usenokude akwenzele kabuhlungu. Amava adluleyo okuba buhlungu okanye ukungcatshwa anokukwenza kube nzima ukuthembela kwabanye. Ukutshata kuyayitshintsha loo nto. Nokuba ukhe wasokola kwimicimbi yokuthembela kunye nokungakhuseleki kwixesha elidlulileyo, uya kuqala ukukhululeka ngakumbi ngokungqiyama kwiqabane lakho. Ngokuqinisekileyo yintsikelelo, kwaye kunye neqabane elifanelekileyo, uya kukwazi ukuphinda wakhe amandla akho ngokweemvakalelo kwaye ukwazi ukonwabela ubudlelwane obuphilileyo kwakhona.

Nokuba awuziva uziva ungonwabanga ngokwasemphefumlweni, ukuzibandakanya kuya kukwenza uzive uhambelana neqabane lakho, nto leyo eya kukwenza uxhomekeke kubo ngakumbi. Ngumzamo wentsebenziswano apho okukhona unikela ngakumbi, kokukhona ufumana. Kwaye ngeentsuku xa uziva uphantsi, nokuba kusemzimbeni okanye ngokwasengqondweni, uya kuba nomntu wokuthuthuzela naxa ungakwazi ukumbuyisela kwanto.

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5. Iingxoxo ezinzulu ngosapho 

Kuthetha ukuthini ukuganwa? Kuthetha ukuba uthathe inyathelo lokuqala ekwakheni ubomi kunye. Kwaye iincoko malunga nokuba obo bomi buza kubandakanya ntoni, ziqala kwakudala ngaphambi kokuba uthi "Ndiyayenza" - okanye okungenani kufuneka. Enye incoko ebaluleke ngolo hlobo yeyokuba intsapho yakho iya kujongeka njani. Ndithembe; izibini ezininzi bagqibela ngokuhlukana ngenxa yokuba izimvo zabo usapho diametrically ngokuchaseneyo omnye komnye. Yiyo loo nto kufuneka ube nalo ncoko.

Ngelixa akunyanzelekanga ukuba ube kwiphepha elifanayo kwasekuqaleni, kufuneka uqale uthethe malunga nokuba ufuna ukuba nabantwana nini kwaye nini. Oku kuyimfuneko ukuba nazi apho nobabini nimi khona ngesihloko phambi kokuba nitshate. Kweyona meko imbi kakhulu, ukuba awufumani siseko siphakathi kulo mba, le ncoko iya kukusindisa ekubeni udlule kwingxoxo. umtshato ongonwabanga. Kwaye ngokubanzi, le ncoko iya kukunceda umfanekiso wakho wekamva kunye.

6. Iingxoxo malunga nocwangciso lwemali edibeneyo

Eyona nto ikukuba, abantu abafani, kwaye kukho ithuba elihle lokuba imbono yakho neyeqabane lakho ngemali mhlawumbi ayisayi kufana – hayi i-100%. Ngaba yinto embi leyo? Akunjalo, kodwa oko kuthetha ukuba kubalulekile ukuthetha ngemali ngaphambi kokuba utshate.

Le ngxoxo ibaluleka ngakumbi emva kokuba unxibe iringi yothethathethwano kuba unezigqibo ezibalulekileyo eziphambi kwakho. Kufuneka wenze isigqibo sokuba ufuna ukuwuxhasa njani umtshato ngemali, ufuna ukuwugcinela njani ixesha elizayo, kunye nayo nayiphi na enye inkcitho ebalulekileyo. Iingxoxo malunga nale miba ziya kukunceda cwangcisa imali yakho ngokudibeneyo ukuze nifezekise iinjongo zenu kunye. 

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7. Bonke abakwisicwangciso somtshato

Ewe, ekugqibeleni, inqaku elimnandi, akunjalo? Ewe, amalungiselelo omtshato aba mnandi ngakumbi xa unesicwangciso semali sokuba uza kuwuhlawulela njani umtshato. Njengesibini, usenokuba sele ucwangcise umtshato wakho wamaphupha, okanye usenokuba uqalisa ngencoko ngoku. Ngalo lonke ixesha khumbula imigaqo yohlengahlengiso kunye nokulalanisa ekhankanywe ngaphambili ngexesha leencoko zangaphambi komtshato ngokunjalo.

Uya kuba neengxoxo ezinde malunga nendawo, iimpahla, uluhlu lweendwendwe, ukutya, umculo, kwaye yonke loo nto inoxinzelelo okanye yonwabise ngokuxhomekeke 'kubuntu besibini' sakho. Kodwa eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuyigcina ilula kwaye ujongane nayo nayiphi na incoko evelayo. Sukuzama ukuphepha izihloko ezingathandekiyo kuba oko kukhokelela kwiingxaki kamva.

Kwaye kwakhona, khumbula, umtshato, kanye njengoko isicelo somtshato, iya kuba phakathi kwabantu ababini, ngoko qiniseka ukuba uceba isiganeko apho nobabini niya kuba nebhongo ukwabelana nehlabathi.

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8. Ukungavisisani kunciphisa

Le yenye yeendlela ezilungileyo ubudlelwane bakho buya kuvela emva kwesindululo somtshato. Ukungavisisani kunokwenzeka ukuba kunciphe kuba wena kunye neqabane lakho niya kuziva nixatyiswe kakhulu kwaye nithandwa kubudlelwane. Nokuba ukungavisisani akupheli ngomlingo, niya kukwazi ukujongana nize nilungise iingxaki zenu ngovelwano nomonde. 

Oku kungenxa yokuba ngoku nobabini nizimisele ngobudlelwane kwaye nivumelene ukuba nichithe ubomi benu bonke kunye. Ngoko ke, nangona ukwehla ngokuthe ngcembe kokungavisisani kunokuthi kwenzeke ngokwemvelo, kusafuneka wenze umgudu wokukhulisa ubudlelwane bakho.

9. Iinjongo zakho ziba “ziinjongo zethu”

Ukuqhubela phambili umxholo wokuba nzulu ngakumbi malunga nobudlelwane bakho, uthethathethwano ngokuqinisekileyo luya kukuguqula njengomntu. Ngoku, ayisebubo nje ubomi bakho kunye neenjongo zakho; uneqabane ecaleni kwakho ebunzimeni nasebucukubheni. Kwaye kuya kufuneka uzihlalise ngokufanelekileyo kwizicwangciso zakho zobomi ngokunjalo.

Ukuxoxa ngeenjongo zakho zobomi nomntu kunye nokuba nenkxaso yakhe ukuqhubela phambili yindlela iinjongo zakho zibe "ziinjongo zethu". Ubudlelwane obunempilo bakhelwe kwinkxaso nokukhuthazana, kwaye akufanele ukuthabathe lula oko.

Yixabise kwaye uhlale ukhumbula ukwenza okufanayo kwiqabane lakho. Ukuba sisibini esithembisene ngomtshato kuthetha ukunceda kunye nokuxhasana ekulandeleni iinjongo ekwabelwana ngazo kunye nezomntu ngamnye. 

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 10. Ubomi buhamba ngokukhawuleza, nokuba uyafuna okanye awufuni

Ithetha ntoni le nto? Ewe, ukubandakanyeka linyathelo lokuqala kuthotho lweziganeko zobomi oya kulindeleka ukuba udlule kuzo kwakamsinyane. Emva komtshato, uya kulindeleka ukuba utshate, ube nabantwana, ukhusele umhlala-phantsi wakho, ukhulise abantwana bakho…

Nokuba upholile kwaye awukhathazwa zezi zinto, kuya kubakho ingcinezelo yoontanga kunye noluntu ekufuneka ujongane nayo. Ukuba ungumntu othandayo ukuthatha izinto kade, oku kunokuba luxinzelelo. Yenza inqaku lokunxibelelana neqabane lakho malunga nendlela oziva ngayo. Oku kuya kukunceda ukuba nobabini nihlale kwiphepha elinye.

Kwaye ukuba uchulumancile ngokuthatha amanyathelo alandelayo, qiniseka ukuba uyaliqonda iqabane lakho ngokunjalo, okunye nawe kolu hambo. Musa ukwenza izigqibo ngokungxama, ngaphandle kokuxoxa izinto neqabane lakho.

11. Ukuphila ngokwezithembiso zakho

Kuthetha ukuthini ukutshatana kuxhomekeke ekufezekiseni izithembiso zakho. Ngexesha lothethathethwano, unokuziva ucinezelekile ukuba ube liqabane elilungileyo kunangaphambili. Kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo zonke iingcebiso esiye sabelana nawe ngazo ukuze ube ngoyena mntu ulungileyo unokuba nguye.

Ukuphila ngokuvisisana nezibophelelo zenu kuya kuninceda nikhule nithembana nize nithandane, yaye oko kuya kuba njalo yenza ubudlelwane bakho bomelele. Oko ngokuqinisekileyo yi-win-win kuni nobabini.

 12. Nikhula njengabantu ngabanye, kunye

Okokugqibela, ukuzibandakanya kuthetha ukuba ukhula njengomntu. Uba nenkathalo ngakumbi, ube nolwazelelelo ngakumbi, ube novelwano ngakumbi, kwaye ulijonge ngakumbi iqabane lakho. Oku kukunceda ube ngumntu ongcono, oqolileyo. Ke, kuthetha ukuthini xa umntu esithi zizinto zokuganana? Yile nto! Wena ukukhula kubudlelwane ngokunjalo nomntu ngamnye.

Uba ngumntu ongcono kwiqabane lakho kuba ufuna ukubanika zonke izinto ezilungileyo ebomini. Ufuna ukungqina kubo ukuba benze ukhetho olufanelekileyo ngokukhetha ukuchitha ubomi babo kunye nawe. Kwaye undithembe; bafuna okufanayo nakuwe.

Ngombuzo wakho ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuphendulwa, ngoku okuseleyo kukuthatha izifundo kule p kwaye uzisebenzise ebomini bakho. Kwaye ke, lonwabele uhambo olutsha kangangoko kunokwenzeka. La maxesha onokuthi ujonge ngasemva ngolonwabo njengoko ukhula, ke wenze uninzi lwawo.

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