Kuthetha ukuthini 'Ukubambela umntu isithuba' kwaye uyenza njani?

Ibinzana elithi 'ukubambela umntu indawo' ligama elithetha kakhulu kule mihla. Kwimeko yokuqala, unokuphazama ukuba kuyafana nokunika umntu indawo. Kodwa asiyiyo loo nto ithetha ngayo. Khumbula ukuba isiqendu ukusuka Sithi aba apho uRandall wayenohlaselo olubi kakhulu lwexhala? Kwaye yonke into eyenziwa ngumntakwabo uKevin yayikhona kuye, ngaphandle kwesigwebo esingenasiphelo okanye iingcebiso. Ewe, yiloo nto. 

Ukufumana ulwazi oluneenkcukacha malunga nokubamba indawo yomntu onentsingiselo, sithethe nomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuqonda Pooja Priyamvada (eqinisekisiweyo kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela kwi-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kunye neYunivesithi yaseSydney). Ugxile ekucebiseni abantu abathandana nabangaphandle komtshato, ukohlukana, ukwahlukana, usizi nokulahlekelwa, ukukhankanya ezimbalwa.

Kuthetha ukuthini ukubambela umntu isithuba?

Ngoku ka I-Pooja, "Ukubambela umntu indawo kuthetha ukumvumela ukuba aqhube kwaye aveze iimvakalelo zakhe, ahlale apho ukuze amxhase ngaphandle kwaso nasiphi na isigwebo okanye engacelwanga ngesiphakamiso."

Mhlawumbi umntakwenu unengxaki yokwazana nobufanasini bakhe. Okanye umhlobo wakho uswelekelwe ngumzali. Okanye abazali bakho bakwixesha lokwahlukana okanye banexhala ubomi emva koqhawulo-mtshato. Okanye isalamane sakho sigula ngengqondo. Okanye umntu omaziyo waphunyelwa sisisu.

Kwiimeko ezinjalo, abafuni mgcini okanye umlungisi weengxaki. Ekuphela kwento abayidingayo ngumntu onokubakho kubo, emamele ngomonde, ngokungathabathi cala, evulelekileyo, engabagwebi kunye nangendlela enokumamela. Ukubakho ngokwenyani kumntu othile kuvakala kulula kodwa eneneni, kunzima kakhulu kunoko. Makhe sibone ukuba njani.

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Iingcebiso zokubamba isithuba soMntu

Ukugquma umxholo wengoma ka ABAHLOBO ngoku, "Ke akukho mntu ukuxelele ukuba ubomi buya kuba ngolu hlobo. Umsebenzi wakho yintlekisa, wonakele. Ubomi bakho bothando iDOA. Kufana nokuba uhlala ubambekile kwigiya yesibini. Xa ibingekabi yimini yakho, iveki yakho, inyanga yakho okanye unyaka wakho, kodwa..."

“…I'll be there for you (Xa imvula iqalisa ukuna), I will be there for you (Njengoba bendilapho ngaphambili), I will be there for you ('Kuba nawe ulapho ngenxa yam).” Ukuculela umntu le ngoma akwanelanga kodwa. Ngawaphi amacebiso okuba ube khona ngokwenene kumntu? Ngokubambela umntu indawo. Kwaye ukwenza njani oku? Makhe sifumanise.

1. Phulaphula ngenyameko

Ukuba ngumphulaphuli olungileyo bubugcisa. Kufuna umonde novelwano. USarah wayendixelela ngokwahlukana kwakhe kodwa into endandiyicinga yayikukuba ndifanele ndiodole ipasta ngesosi emhlophe okanye isosi ebomvu. Oku kwenzeka kuthi sonke. Ingqondo yethu iyabhadula. Senza ngathi simamele kodwa sibe singekho ngokupheleleyo.

Ke, xa ubambe indawo yomntu osentlungwini, zama ukubakho ngokupheleleyo ngalo mzuzu, ngayo yonke ingqondo yakho, umzimba nomphefumlo. Yiba ngumhlobo ngokuthula. Kutheni kubalulekile ukuba ngumphulaphuli olungileyo? Kuba xa unika umntu isithuba sokuzola, ukubandezeleka kwabo kuyaphela ngaloo mzuzu ngenxa yokufudumala nokwamkelwa kwakho. Emva koko iba yindawo ekhuselekileyo, apho iimvakalelo zabo ezibanjisiweyo zinokukhululwa.

Ukubambela umntu indawo kunokuthetha ukunikela ingqalelo kwiindlela zabo. Iinyembezi emehlweni abo. Indlela imilenze yabo esoloko ingcangcazela ngayo ngenxa yokuxhalaba. Indlela abadlala ngayo ngefolokhwe yabo. Indlela izandla zabo ezenza ngayo izimbo zomzimba xa bethetha. Indlela ilizwi labo eliqhekeza ngayo embindini. Ukunikela ingqalelo kwezi zinto zincinci kuya kukunceda uzibeke phantsi kwaye ube ngelo xesha.

2. Xa ubambele umntu indawo, musa ukunika isisombululo

Yonke ingxaki ayinakulungiswa ngesisombululo esinengqiqo. Ezinye iingxaki zingokweemvakalelo ngokwendalo kwaye izisombululo zezo ngxaki azinakunikezelwa ngengqondo. Kuyenzeka amashwa kwaye xa umntu ekubhuqa ngezi zinto, mhlawumbi ujonge nje indawo apho angakhupha khona iimvakalelo zakhe ezigqithileyo ngaphandle kokugwetywa. Ukuba ubavumela ukuba benze njalo, uzalisekisa enye ye iimpawu zobudlelwane obunempilo.

Ndandixelela umhlobo wam uTaylor indlela endiziva ndinexhala ngayo ngamanye amaxesha. Kwaye nangaphambi kokuba ndigqibe ukwabelana ngeemvakalelo zam, uTaylor waqala ukunika izisombululo ezinje, "Heyi, ndicinga ukuba kufuneka usebenzise i-Instagram encinci. Kwaye ube yinxalenye yendawo esebenzisanayo." Kodwa ixhala lam lalinzulu ngakumbi. Kwavela ekuhlukaneni kwabazali bam kunye nokwenzakala kobudlelwane bam bangaphambili. Ukusebenzisa i-Instagram encinci kunye nokujoyina isithuba sokusebenzisana akukwazanga ukulungisa ezo ngxaki, akunjalo?

Ke, ungazami ukuba yingcaphephe okanye umlungisi. Ukuba umntu uza kuwe enengxaki, emazantsi ezantsi sele eyazi into ekufuneka yenziwe ngayo. Xa ubambe indawo yomntu osentlungwini, zama ukushiya i-ego yakho, izinto onomdla kuzo, iinkolelo kunye nezimvo emnyango. Musa ukuphazamisa amava abo kwaye ubathethelele. Mabazithethele ngokwabo. Bavumele babalise ibali labo, balazi ngcono kunawe. 

3. Musa ukuzithabatha lula iimvakalelo zabo

UPooja uyagxininisa, “Ungaze uyigwebe inkqubo yomntu yentlungu, basenokuya ngapha nangapha ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. amanqanaba entlungu emva kokwahlukana. Yiba nomonde kubo. Bavumele ukuba bayiphathe intlungu yabo ngendlela abafuna ngayo. Yiba kwindima yenkxaso kwaye ungaze uzame ukukhokela inkqubo. ”

Ukuba umntu akazange alucime uviwo olukhuphisanayo emva kokuzama izihlandlo ezininzi, akulunganga ukuthetha izinto ezinjengalezi, “Ndiyazi ukuba ubudandathekile ngenxa yokungaphumeleli uviwo kodwa luviwo nje. Abantu batyhubela iingxaki ezinkulu kunoko.

Ewe, kwakunokuba kubi ngakumbi. Kodwa ngoku, kwiintloko zabo, iingxaki zabo zinkulu kakhulu. Yaye ukuba ubajongela phantsi, baya kuqalisa ukuziva benetyala ngenxa yokuba buhlungu. Yinto yokugqibela ofuna ukuyenza xa ubambe indawo yomntu.

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4. Sukwenza oko ngawe

UPooja uyacacisa, “Xa ubambele umntu indawo, sukuyenza ngawe. Imalunga namava kunye neemvakalelo zakhe hayi ezakho.” Mhlawumbi unamacebiso amaninzi kunye namava malunga nento atyhubela kuyo umhlobo wakho kodwa isenokungabi lixesha elifanelekileyo lokwabelana ngazo.

Umzekelo, umhlobo wakho uPaul usandula ukuphulukana nesilwanyana sasekhaya. Ukuba ukhe wakwimeko efanayo, ubuya kuhendelwa ukuthi, “Hey, ndiyayazi ukuba injani, nam ndaye ndanentlungu yokufelwa nguLeo, kwandithatha ixesha ukuxolelana naye, ndisamkhumbula uLeo kwaye andikwazi ukuyeka ukucinga ngaye.

Kodwa le ncoko bekufanele ukuba ibe malunga nesilo-qabane sikaPawulos uCookie kunye nendlela uPawulos aziva ngayo. Bekungafanelanga ukuba umthanda kangakanani u Leo okanye umkhumbula kangakanani u Leo. Ewe, iinjongo zakho zisenokuba kukwenza uPawulos avakalelwe kukuba unovelwano kodwa uvumele uPawulos athabathe indawo yokuqala aze athethe ngeemvakalelo zakhe. Le yenye ye iingcebiso zokwakha ubudlelwane obuhambelanayo.

5. Ungaze ugwebe

Ungathini xa ubambele umntu indawo? UPooja uyaphendula, “Yithi: Ndiyakuva.

Ukuba ubani uye waqhatha iqabane lakhe waza weza kuwe eziva enetyala ngaloo nto, usenokulingelwa ukuba uthi: “Le nto uyenzileyo ibithandabuzeka, ubufanele ukuvakalelwa ngale ndlela: ubunokuthini na ukuba wenze isono esinje? 

Ke, ukuba uye wajonga uGoogle, "ukubambela umntu isithuba", kuthetha ukuba shushu, uvule kwaye wamkele kwaye uvumele abantu ukuba babe neemvakalelo abazicinezelayo. Ukuba bafuna ukukhala, bayeke. Ukuba bafuna ukucaphuka, mabayeke. Musa ukugweba. Yiba novelwano nje kwaye ube novelwano. Hlonipha inyaniso yabo. Nikela ingqalelo kwizinto abazidingayo. Ukuba uhlala ubagweba ngezenzo zabo, oko kunokukhokelela kwi ubudlelwane obungenampilo.

Ngaba ukubamba iNdawo ukuze SO Buxhamla kubudlelwane bakho

UHeather Plett, umbhali we UbuGcisa boKubamba iNdawo, ubhale wathi, “Kuthetha ukuthini ukubambela omnye umntu indawo?Kuthetha ukuba sikulungele ukuhamba ecaleni komnye umntu kulo naluphi na uhambo akulo ngaphandle kokumgweba, simenze azive engafaneleki, sizame ukumlungisa, okanye sizame ukuphembelela umphumo. 

"Xa sibambe indawo yabanye abantu, sivula iintliziyo zethu, sinikele ngenkxaso engenamiqathango, kwaye siyeke ukugweba kunye nokulawula." Kwaye ukubambela umntu indawo, njengaye umntu obalulekileyo, kuluncedo njani kubudlelwane bakho? Makhe sifumanise.

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1. Ukubambela umntu indawo kwandisa ukumthemba

Undikhumbuza amazwi ka Umqondiso Wamaxesha nguHarry Styles: "Asithethi ngokwaneleyo. Sifanele sivule. Ngaphambi kokuba kuninzi kakhulu. Ngaba siya kuze sifunde? Siye salapha ngaphambili. Yinto nje esiyaziyo ... "Ngoko, ngaba uthetha ngokwaneleyo kwaye uvule kunye neqabane lakho? Okona kubaluleke kakhulu, ngaba niyathembana?

Ziziphi iingenelo zokubamba indawo kumntu? Ubudlelwane bakho bunokuba yindawo engagwebiyo kwaye inokuthenjwa xa kukho ingxaki. Xa ubambe indawo yomnye wakho obalulekileyo, kubenza bazive bengabodwa kwaye bangazigxeki kakhulu. Baziva ngathi bamkelwe, kwanazo zonke iimpazamo nokungafezeki kwabo. Kwakhona kubenza bavakalelwe kukuba banokuthembela kuwe, kungakhathaliseki ukuba iingxaki zabo azikhululekanga kangakanani na. Ke, indawo yokubamba ibalwa njengenye ye izinto ezibalulekileyo zokuthembela kubudlelwane.

2. Inokukhuthaza inqanaba elitsha lobudlelwane obusondeleyo

Ungathini xa ubambele umntu indawo? Ngamanye amaxesha kungcono ukuba ungathethi nto kwaphela. UPooja uthi: “Ukuba iqabane lakho libe nosuku olubi emsebenzini yaye alifuni ukutyhila iinkcukacha, musa ukulinyanzela.Okanye ukuba iqabane lakho likwinto ethile elingafuni ukwabelana ngayo ngoko nangoko, yiqonde loo nto, lixelele ukuba ukho ukuze limncede, nanini na liziva likhululekile.”

Xa unika iqabane lakho indawo, ubanika ixesha lokujonga iimvakalelo zabo. Oku kubenza bazive bekhululekile, endaweni yokuziva becinezelwe yingcamango yokuphendula komnye umntu. Le nkululeko ichaphazela ngokuthe ngqo ukhuseleko ngokweemvakalelo kubudlelwane bakho. Ukunika omnye nomnye indawo kunokunisondeza nobabini. 

3. Yenza ubudlelwane bube yindawo ekhuselekileyo

Indlela yokubamba indawo kumntu onomsindo? UPooja uyaphendula, “Xa uzama ukubambela umntu onomsindo, myeke aphume ngokukhuselekileyo ngaphandle kokuzenzakalisa okanye azenzakalisa.

Inqaku kukunika abantu imvume yokuthemba intuition kunye nobulumko babo. Benze bazive bekhuselekile ngokwaneleyo ukuba bangaphumeleli kwaye bazi ukuba baya kuzama kwakhona. Ukubambela umntu indawo kuthetha ukuvumela indawo yokuba nesibindi sokuthatha umngcipheko ukuze bajonge ukomelela kwabo. Zama ukubaxhobisa ukuba bazithembe, intuition yabo kunye nezixhobo zabo zangaphakathi. Oku kuya kukunceda qhagamshela neqabane lakho kwinqanaba elinzulu.

Kodwa kwakhona khumbula ukuseka imida yokubamba indawo yomntu. Indlela yokuzibeka? UPooja uyaphendula, “Ubani umele abe kwindawo yokuphulaphula neyokunyamekelayo ukuze enjenjalo. Akukho sizathu sokuzama ukubambela nabani na indawo xa yena engaphilanga ngokweemvakalelo okanye elapho ngokupheleleyo. Ngoko khusela eyakho impilo yengqondo kuqala.”

Enye into yokubeka imida yokubamba indawo yomntu kukuzibambela indawo. UPooja uthi, “Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka sizibambele indawo nto leyo ethetha ukwenza yonke imisebenzi yovelwano kunye nokuzinyamekela esikwenzela abanye isiqu sethu.”

Ukuba nangaliphi na ixesha uziva wonganyelwe ziimvakalelo zomnye umntu okanye iimvakalelo zakho, musa ukoyika ukufuna uncedo lwengcali. Ingcali yezonyango iqeqeshelwe ukubamba indawo yezigulane zabo, emva kwayo yonke loo nto. Yethu abacebisi kwiphaneli yeBonobology kukucofa nje kude. 

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