Uthando lweBombing Vs uMdla wokwenyani: Iindlela ezi-8 zokubaxelela ngokwahlukileyo

Khawube nomfanekiso wakho udibana nomntu okuthambisa ngothando, ukuncoma, nokuncoma. Yenza uzive ufunwa kwaye unqweneleka. Izenzo ezinjengobomi babo bonke zijikeleze wena. Inokuvakala ngathi intsomi iyazaliseka. Phantse ngokungathi ufumene iqabane eligqibeleleyo. Ingcamango yokuba umntu atshayelwe iye yaphunyezwa kangangokuba loo moya wothando unokukwenza uzive ungoyena mntu unethamsanqa emhlabeni. De kube kukho into eqala ukuziva okanye isantya esinamandla sobudlelwane siqala ukuziva sisoyikeka kakhulu. Kulapho ukuqonda uthando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu vs umahluko womdla wokwenyani kuba kubalulekile kwimpilo yakho yeemvakalelo. 

Ukuba usandul 'ukuqala ukuthandana nomntu kwaye ucinge ukuba yonke inkqubo yokuhlangana, ukuthandana , kunye nokuthandana kwenzeka ngesantya sombane kwaye ikushiye uvakalelwa kukuba ulawulwa okanye uxhatshazwa, usenokuba sele uphakathi komjikelo webhombu yothando. Ukuze uphinde ulawule imeko, kufuneka uqonde ukuba yintoni ibhomu yothando, indlela eyahluke ngayo kunxibelelwano lokwenene okanye uthando lokwenene, kunye nendlela onokuthi ujongane ngayo ngaphandle kokuxhaswa ngumlingane.

Silapha ukuze sikubonelele ngengcaciso malunga nokuqhushumba kwebhombu yothando okanye ukwahlulahlula ngomdla wokwenyani, ngokubonisana nesayikholojisti. Jayant Sundaresan (IiMasters kwi-Applied Psychology), okhethekileyo ekunikezeni iingcebiso kuluhlu lwemiba yobudlelwane efana nokuqhawuka konxibelelwano, ulawulo lokulindela, ukungathembeki, ukwahlukana noqhawulo-mtshato. 

Yintoni Uthando lwebhombu? 

Uthando lokuqhushumba lubonakaliso olukhulu lothando nengqwalasela, edla ngokusetyenziswa ukufumana ulawulo okanye ukukhohlisa umntu kubudlelwane. Ngenxa yokuba iimbonakaliso zothando kunye nothando kunye nengqalelo kunye nenkathalo ziqhelekile kubudlelwane, ukukwazi ukubona ukuba into ojongene nayo luthando lokuqhushumba okanye unxibelelwano lokwenyani, kubalulekile ukujongana nombuzo: ingaba uthando lwebhombu lujongeka njani? Inokukhangeleka ngathi 

• Ukuncoma rhoqo
• Izijekulo ezinkulu
• Ukuthumela imiyalezo rhoqo
• Izibhengezo zothando kwangethuba
• Ukuthetha izinto ezinje, "Ungumhlobo wam womphefumlo," kwiintsuku nje ezimbalwa zendibano

La mazwi kunye nezenzo zinokuvakala ngathi zithandana, kodwa zinokuba ziiflegi ezibomvu, ngakumbi xa zingahambelani nobude okanye ubunzulu bobudlelwane. Eyichaza ngokuthi “kungekudala kakhulu”, uJayant uthi, “Ukuqhushumbiswa kothando kubandakanya ukuqhushumbiswa kweqabane ngothando olukhulu kumanqanaba okuqala olwalamano. Ngokungathandabuzekiyo lowo wamkelayo uya kuziva ethandwa yaye ekhethekile kwasekuqaleni. Kodwa njengoko ulwalamano luqhubeka, basenokuqalisa ukuziva bengakhululekanga ngobunzulu nesantya izinto eziqhubekayo ngazo.” 

Ipsychology emva kokuqhunyiswa kwebhombu yothando

Ngelixa uthando lwebhombu luziva lunxilisayo kwaye luyakhohlisa ekuqaleni, luhlala lufihla iinjongo ezifihlakeleyo zokusebenzisa ulawulo okanye ukudala ukuxhomekeka. Kwisiseko sayo, lo mkhwa umiliselwe kuyo ukuphathwa ngokweemvakalelo. UJayant uthi, “Eyona nto ijoliswe kuyo iba kukunqulwa, nto leyo ebangela ukuba kube nzima ukukuqonda ukukhohlisa kamva.” Eli lidla ngokuba liqhinga elisetyenziswa-kodwa lingaphelelanga kubantu abanotyekelo lwe-narcissistic, kwaye liqhutywa ngu: 

• Isidingo solawulo: Umntu angabhenela ekuthandeni ibhombu ukuze abe nefuthe kuwe, akwenze uzive ngathi awunakuphila ngaphandle kwemvume yakhe.
• U khu seleko: Kwiimeko ezininzi, umntu okubhobhoza ngothando unokungakhuseleki okunzulu kwaye usebenzisa ubudlelwane ukuqinisekisa ukubaluleka kwabo.
• Amandla aguqukayo: Ngokukwenza okulungileyo, bazibeka ngobuchule njengalowo ulawulayo, ke xa uthando luphela, ushiyeka uleqa unxibelelwano obukade unalo.

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Kutheni abantu bewela uthando lokuqhushumba?

Kutheni le nto kunzima kangaka ukubona uthando lokuqhushumba ngokuchasene nolwahlulo lokwenyani lothando? Kutheni utshayela nje ezinyaweni zakho ngomnye umntu okugalela ngothando nangengqalelo? Kutheni le nto kunzima ukuqaphela iiflegi ezibomvu ezinokuthi zikujonge ebusweni? Ewe, kulula ukuwela kwibhombu yothando kuba yondla umnqweno wakho wendalo wothando, ukuqinisekiswa, kunye noqhagamshelo. Ungumntu kuphela-ngubani ongayi kutsaleleka kumntu obonakala ekufumana kwaye ekuthandela ngaphandle kwemiqathango? Nasi isizathu:

• Kuvakala ngathi yintsomi: Uthando lwesaqhwithi luyanxilisa. Xa umntu ekuhlamba ngengqalelo, kuba ngathi ekugqibeleni ufumana ibali lothando obusoloko uliphupha
• Yimpendulo yebhayoloji: Ngokwengqondo, ingqondo yakho ixhunyiwe ukuba isabele kuthando. Xa uqhunyiswa ngothando, umzimba wakho ukhupha i-dopamine kunye ne-oxytocin, iikhemikhali ezenza uzive ujabule kwaye unamathele komnye umntu.
• Ukuba sesichengeni kudlala indima: Ukuba ukwimeko embi ebomini—njengokwahlukana—okanye unengxaki efana nale ukuzijongela phantsi, lonke olo thando nengqalelo inokuvakala ngathi yingqeshiso entsha ehlaziyayo ebomini ekwenza uzive kamnandi ngawe

UJayant uthi: “Amanqanaba okuqala othando abangela ukuba ube nomvuzo engqondweni yakho, nto leyo eyenza ukuba uzive ulikhoboka.

Yintoni uMdla wokwenene kunye neNkathalo? 

Ukuze ukwazi ukufumana impendulo, "Ngaba luthando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu okanye umdla wokwenene?", Kufuneka ukwazi ukuba le yokugqibela ibonakala njani kunxibelelwano olukhulayo lothando, ngenxa yokuba uthando, umsa, kunye nengqalelo ziyimfuneko kulo naluphi na ulwalamano olusondeleyo phakathi kwabantu ababini. Nangona kunjalo, uthando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu vs umahluko womdla wokwenyani ukhanya ngendlela ezibonakala ngayo ezi zinto. 

Uqhagamshelo lokwenyani ludlulela ngaphaya kwezijekulo ezinkulu okanye amazwi othando. Apha, iimvakalelo zomntu ngawe zibonakaliswa kwizinto ezincinci, ezingaguquguqukiyo ezikwenza uzive ubonwa ngokwenene, uxatyisiwe kwaye uxhaswa. Xa umntu ekukhathalele ngokwenene, izenzo zabo zihambelana namazwi abo. Nantsi indlela ekhangeleka ngayo:

• Baphulaphula ngenyameko: Iqabane elikhathalayo alikuva nje wena; baphulaphula ngokwenene. Bakhumbula izinto ezincinci ozithethayo, ukusuka kwi-odolo yekofu oyithandayo ukuya kwiinkcukacha zosuku lwakho lokusebenza, kwaye bazizisa kamva ukubonisa ukuba bathathele ingqalelo.
• Baxhasa ukukhula kwakho: Abasongelwa ngamabhongo akho okanye ukuzimela. Kunoko, bayakuvuyela impumelelo yakho yaye bayakukhuthaza ukuba usukele usukelo lwakho, kwanokuba oko kuthetha ukuchitha ixesha kunye. 
• Bayayihlonela imida yakho: Xa uqhagamshelo luyinyani, awuyi kuziva ucinezelekile okanye udinwe. Endaweni yoko, umntu ohamba naye uya kuqonda ukuba ungumntu wakho kunye nemida yakho. Baya kuhlonipha isidingo sakho sendawo, bahloniphe izimvo zakho, kwaye bangaze bakucinezele kuyo nantoni na ongayithandiyo
• Ziyahambelana: Umntu okukhathalele ngokwenene uzakuthi gqi xa esithi uza kukwenza, agcine izithembiso, abonakalise ngezenzo zakhe ukuba unokuxhomekeka kuye. 
• Kukho ukusondelana ngokweemvakalelo: Enye yeempawu ezicacileyo zomdla wokwenene ukusondelelana ngokweemvakalelo. Umntu othandana naye okanye kubudlelwane naye uyakuthatha ixesha lokuqonda iimvakalelo zakho, uloyiko, namaphupha, kwaye wenze indawo ekhuselekileyo apho unokwabelana khona ngaphandle koloyiko lokugwetywa okanye ukugculelwa. 
• Baqinisekisa iimvakalelo zakho: Xa iimvakalelo zomntu ngawe zinyanisekile, aziyi kuzilahla iimvakalelo zakho. Kwanokuba iimvakalelo zakho zibenza bazive bengakhululekanga, baya kuvuma ukuthetha amazwi anjengathi, “Ndiyasiqonda isizathu sokuba uvakalelwe ngolo hlobo,” okanye “Akunangxaki ukucaphuka—ma sithethe ngako.”
• Kukho ukusombulula impixano ephilileyo: Bonke ubudlelwane bunokungavisisani, kodwa iqabane elikhathalayo liza kujongana nengxabano ngentlonipho. Ugxininiso lwabo lusekusombululeni imiba endaweni yokuphumelela iingxoxo

Kutheni umdla wokwenene uziva uhlukile

Kulula ukubhidanisa imincili edlulayo kunye nenkathalo yokwenene, ngakumbi kwi amanqanaba okuqala obudlelwane. Kodwa umdla wokwenyani unomgangatho okhethekileyo-uziva uzinzile, usekelwe kwaye ukhuselekile. Nantsi indlela onokuwubona ngayo umahluko:

• Banomdla kuwe: Iqabane elikhathalayo lithatha ixesha lokufunda malunga neyona nto ikwenza uphawule, izinto ongazithandayo, izinto ozonwabisa ngazo, kunye nezinto ezixabisekileyo-hayi nje izinto ezikumgangatho ophezulu.
• Bayakuvuyisana nawe ukuba ungubani na: Abakulinge bakutshintshe okanye bakubumbe ube ngomnye umntu. Kunoko, bayakwamkela ngawo onke amandla akho kunye neentsilelo zakho.
• Zikwenza uzive ukhuselekile: Kubudlelwane obusekelwe kunxibelelwano lokwenene phakathi kwabantu ababini, akukho loyiko lokugwetyelwa, ukulawulwa, okanye ukulahlwa. Endaweni yoko, uziva ukhululekile ukuba nguwe wenene

Uthando lweBombing Vs uMdla wokwenyani: Iindlela ezi-8 zokuthetha umahluko 

Ngoku njengoko siqonda ukuba uthando lwebhombu kunye nenkathalo yokwenyani ijongeka njani, makhe siphinde sijonge umbuzo ongundoqo okhoyo: unokwazi njani ukuba ujongene nokuqhunyiswa kwebhombu yothando okanye umdla wokwenyani? Zininzi izinto ezimakishayo ezinokukunceda ukuba wahlule phakathi kwezi zimbini kodwa eyona nto ikuxelelayo kukuba xa uqhunyiswa luthando, ubudlelwane buziva bumnandi kakhulu ukuba bube yinyani kodwa kukushiya uziva ungaqinisekanga kwaye ungakhululekanga. 

UJayant ucacisa esithi: “Injongo yokuqhushumba kweebhombu kukwenza lowo ukutshayelweyo azive enetyala. Oku kunokubonakala kolu kuziphatha lulandelayo olungabonwayo ubudlelwane obuphilileyo yakhelwe kuqhagamshelwano olomeleleyo:

1. Isantya sobudlelwane

UJayant uthi, “Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba luthando na okanye luthando lokwenene, jonga ukuba ubudlelwane buhamba ngokukhawuleza kakhulu. Kubudlelwane obunempilo, abantu bathatha ixesha lokukhulisa unxibelelwano lwabo kwaye bavumele izinto ziqhubele phambili ngokwendalo. Nangona kunjalo, xa usenziwa ibhombu yothando, yonke into ivakala inentloko kwaye ingxamile. Ukuba ubudlelwane bokwenyani ngamava okutyela amnandi, apho yonke ikhosi yonwatyiswa ngaphambi kokuba idlulele kwelinye, uthando lokuqhushumba lufana nakuphi na ukutya okukhawulezayo. Leyo yenye yezona ndlela zilula zokwahlula uthando lokuqhushumba ngokuchasene nenkathalo yokwenyani.”

Umntu uyakuthanda ukubhomba ngenxa yokuba efuna ukuba ubenzele ingqiqo. Badala imvakalelo yokuxhomekeka ngaphakathi kuwe okushiya uziva ngathi awunakusebenza ngaphandle kwabo. Hlala uthembele amathumbu akho kunye ne-intuition. Ukuba nangaliphi na ixesha uzifumana ubuza, "Lubonakala njani uthando lwebhombu?", Emva koko thatha umzuzwana unqumame kwaye ucinge ngendlela ubudlelwane bukwenza uzive ngayo ngawe. 

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2. Inkuthazo emva kobudlelwane

U-Jayant uthi, "Kubudlelwane obuphilileyo, iqabane lakho liyakuthanda ngaphandle kwesizathu esifihlakeleyo okanye i-ajenda efihliweyo. Abanamnqweno wokukulawula, ukutshintsha umntu onguye, okanye ukufumana amandla phezu kwakho. umzabalazo wamandla kubudlelwane. Ibhombu yothando ine-ajenda yayo. Uyinjongo yabo nje.

Baneentshukumisa ezicace gca—eyokuqala yeyokuba ungowakho yaye eyesibini kukukulawula ngenxa yenzuzo yabo okanye ukulungelwa kwabo ngalo lonke ixesha besathanda.

3. Izijekulo ezinkulu ngokuchasene nezenzo zokhathalelo ezingaguqukiyo

UJayant uthi: “Kulwalamano oluphilileyo, izimbo zomzimba zothando zimnandi yaye zifudumele, kodwa umntu othanda ukuqhushumbisa ibhombu uya kubhenela kwizenzo ezibalaseleyo ukuze akutshayele. 

Umahluko olula phakathi kothando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu kunye nenkathalo yokwenyani kukuba xa umntu ekukhathalele ngenene, intetho yakhe yendlela abaziva ngayo ngawe inokuba ncinci kodwa baya kuhlala bengatshintshi. Umzekelo, banokwenza isiko lokukuzisela ikofu rhoqo kusasa okanye itekisi yokukhangela ukuba ufikile ekhaya kulungile emva kokuhlwa ebusuku, ukuya kwinqanaba lokuba uthembele kubo ukuba bakwenzele ezi zinto.

Kwelinye icala, umntu uyakuthanda ukuqhushumba ibhombu usenokubonakala ngaphandle kwendawo osebenza kuyo neentyatyambo, iidonathi, kunye nekofu kangangeveki ngqo emva koko uyeke ngequbuliso. Okanye banokuthumela imiyalezo rhoqo imini yonke kwaye kude kube sebusuku kwinyanga yokuqala okanye ezimbini, emva koko ucofe umva kwindawo apho uqala ukuzibuza ukuba ngaba isiporho esithambileyo wena okanye ugqibe ekubeni nguye obasukelayo ngeetekisi eziphindaphindiweyo kunye neefowuni ngeenzame zokugcina umgangatho wonxibelelwano njengangaphambili.      

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4. Ukumanyanisa ubomi ngokuchasene nokukuhlukanisa nabanye

Xa uqala ukuthandana nomntu omtsha, njengoko ubudlelwane buqhubela phambili, niyazihlanganisa kubomi bomnye nomnye. Udibana nabahlobo babo ngexesha elithile kwaye ubazise kweyakho. Emva koko, yiza ukudibana nabantwana bakowenu, abazali. Ukuba yinxalenye yesangqa sentlalo somnye. Noko ke, xa usenziwa ibhombu yothando kulwalamano lothando, uya kuzifumana uzimele—ngokungathi lonke ihlabathi lakho liye laba ngumntu omnye. 

UJayant uthi, “Enye yeendlela ezicacileyo zokubona ukuba luthando lokuqhushumba okanye yinyameko yokwenene kukubona ukuba umntu ohleli naye ukugcine kwigumbi leglasi.” Wonke umntu unokukubona ngaphandle kwaye ubona wonke umntu ongaphakathi. ubanjiswe kubudlelwane. Baza kukuhlukanisa nehlabathi langaphandle, kubahlobo nakwintsapho yakho.”

Ukuba abahlobo bakho bakhalaza ukuba awusahlali nabo okanye uziva ngathi awukwazi ukubakho kubahlobo bakho kunye nosapho lwakho naxa ufuna ukubakho, yiflegi ebomvu eqaqambileyo. Umntu okuthanda ngokwenene akazukukuvalela ekhejini. Baya kufuna ukuba nawe ube nobomi bakho. Babeya kukuxelela ukuba uphume, udibane nabahlobo bakho, nize niyonwabele, ningakwenzi nizive ninetyala ngako. 

5. Isithuba vs ukuqhumisa

Uyazibuza, "Ngaba luthando lokuqhushumba okanye iimvakalelo zokwenyani ojongene nazo?" Impendulo inokufumaneka ukuba ingakanani indawo onayo ukuze ube ngumntu wakho. UJayant uthi, “Indoda edubulayo yothando idla ngokuba ngumntu othanda ukuhlambalaza ofuna yonke into igxile ngakubo. ukuthandana ne narcissist, usenokuzibhaqa sele ugutyungelwe zizo kwaye uziva wonganyelwe kukudinga kwabo ingqalelo, ngakumbi ekuqaleni kobudlelwane. 

“Xa ungekho kubo kangangexesha elifutshane, baya kuzibuza ukuba wenza ntoni xa bengekho.” Baza kujonga ifowuni yakho, bajonge indawo okuyo, baze bakugocagoce ngendawo okuyo. Kwelinye icala, kubudlelwane obakhelwe phezu kokhathalelo lokwenene kunye neemvakalelo, unendawo yokuba ube ngumntu wakho, kwaye ulandelele iimfuno zakho, ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala. Kungenxa yokuba ubuhlobo obunjalo bakhelwe phezu kwesiseko sokuthembana nokhuseleko.   

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6. Imida okanye ukungabikho kwayo

Olunye uthando oluphambili lokuqhubhisa ibhombu vs umahluko wokwenyani wothando kukuba ibhombu yothando inentlonipho eyimfihlo kunye nemida. Baya kuhlala behlasela indawo yakho kwaye baya kukhubeka xa ubeka imida kwaye uzinike ixesha. Ngoxa umntu okukhathalele ngokwenene eya kuhlonela imida kunye neentsilelo zakho, vula ithuba lokuxubusha ngoko ukuyo okanye ongakhululekanga ngako, uze ubacingele abo bakwenzayo xa ugqiba ngendlela abaziphatha ngayo nawe. 

7. Thembela ngokuchasene nokusebenzisa ukuba sesichengeni kwakho ngokuchasene nawe

Ukuze ukwazi ukubona uthando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu vs umahluko womdla wokwenyani, kufuneka ujonge into ethi ukuthembela kubudlelwane. “Ukuthembana phakathi kwamaqabane kukhuthaza ukuba sesichengeni kwaye kukuxhobise ukuba wabelane ngobuthathaka bakho, ukothuka, uloyiko, kunye neemfihlo kuba uyazi ukuba ezi aziyi kusetyenziswa ngokuchasene nawe,” utshilo uJayant. 

Ukuba uneqabane osebenzisa ubuthathaka bakho ngokuchasene nawe, nokuba kukukhohlisa okanye ukwenze uzive ungalunganga ngawe, ke sixelele: Ngaba luthando lokuqhushumba okanye inkathalo yokwenene? Kulungile, akukho-brainer. Ukuba bazisa izinto ekwabelwana ngazo ngamaxesha okuba sesichengeni ngaphandle kwemvume kwaye basebenzise olo lwazi ukukwenzakalisa, liqhinga elikhohlakeleyo nelikhohlakeleyo ukujija nokulawula ibali.

Umntu wokwenene akasoze ayenze loo nto. Bayasihlonela isibakala sokuba ubathembe ngokwaneleyo ukuba ubatyand’ igila kwaye ungaze ubaxelele ngezinto oye wabelana ngazo nabo ngaphandle kokuba ufuna ukuncokola ngazo.

8. Uthando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu vs umahluko womdla wokwenyani ukwindlela yamandla

UJayant uthi, “Ubudlelwane obungenampilo obakhelwe kwisiseko soqhushumbo lothando buhlala bubonakala ngokugqwetheka. amandla dynamics. Embindini wayo, ibhombu yothando ijonga ubudlelwane njengomdlalo wechess. Bafuna ukujonga iqabane labo ngokufumana ulawulo lobudlelwane. Ulungelelwaniso luya kuhamba ngokukhawuleza nje ukuba ithagethi yokuqhunyiswa kwebhombu yothando inikezele kwi-overtures. "

Kakade ke, oku akunjalo xa abantu ababini abanyamekelana ngokwenene bedibana ukuze bakhe ulwalamano olusekelwe kwintlonelo, uthando nokuqondana. Kwimeko apho, ubudlelwane bubudlelwane obulinganayo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, kusenokubakho amaxesha apho elinye iqabane linikela ngaphezu kwelinye. Nangona kunjalo, uguquko alumiselwanga elityeni kwaye kunokuba lubuyelelane-apho elinye iqabane libonisa elinye xa lifuneka. 

Kodwa akunjalo xa uqhunyiswa ngothando. Nje ukuba ibhombu yothando ikubuyisele ngaphakathi, bakulawulo olupheleleyo lwengxelo yobudlelwane kwaye bayiqhube njengoko bebona kufanelekile. Akukho nto inokuyenza ngaphandle kokuba uhambe, ixesha elide kangangoko unako—nto leyo edla ngokuba ngaphaya kwamandla akho eemvakalelo.  

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Yintoni omawuyenze xa uqhunyiswa nguThando

Ukuqhunyiswa kothando kunokuziva kubhidekile kwaye kunxunguphalisa. Into eqala njengamava amnandi azele yingqwalasela kunye nothando kungekudala inokujika ibe liphupha elibi apho ubukho bakho bonke buxhomekeke kubudlelwane bakho. Kanye xa utyalomali kakhulu kwiqabane lakho, baqala ukurhoxa, bekwenza ukuba uleqe ukuqinisekiswa kwabo kwaye uzive ngathi awunto yanto ngaphandle kwayo. 

Ukuqaphela iiflegi ezibomvu ngaphambi kokuba ungene nzulu kakhulu kumjikelo wokuqhubhisa ibhombu yothando, ukuhla kwexabiso, kunye nokulahla yeyona nto ingcono yokubheja ekuzikhuseleni kumonzakalo womphefumlo wobomi bonke. Ukuba ubunzulu bobudlelwane buvakala bulungile kakhulu ukuba bube yinyani, okanye ubona iintshukumisa ezifihlakeleyo, kufuneka uthathe amanyathelo okukhusela impilo-ntle yakho yeemvakalelo. Nantsi indlela:

1. Qonda iimpawu zokuqhushumba ngothando

Inyathelo lokuqala ekuzikhuseleni kukuvuma ukuba usenokuba ujongene neziqhushumbisi zothando. Nantsi eminye imizekelo yakudala yokuqhunyiswa kwebhombu yothando ekufuneka uyiphathe njengeeflegi ezibomvu zobudlelwane obuyityhefu, obuphazamisa ngokweemvakalelo ekwenzeni: 

• Ukukuncoma ngokugqithisileyo 
• Izibhengezo zothando zangaphambi kwexesha
• Ukuthetha ngomtshato, ukuhlala kunye, okanye “ikamva” lenu kunye ngaphambi kokuba nazane ngokwenene
• Unxibelelwano olugqithisileyo-iitekisi rhoqo, iminxeba, okanye ukuvela ungachazwanga
• Ukuphathwa ngokweemvakalelo ezifana ityala-ukukhubeka wena ngokucela indawo

UJayant ucebisa ngelithi, “Ukuqhushumba kweebhombu ngothando kusoloko kuvakala kuqatha. Okona kubaluleke kakhulu, kungakhathaliseki ukuba kukhangeleka kangakanani na ukufumana ingqalelo eninzi kumntu omthandayo, ukuba amathumbu akho akuxelela ukuba kukho into evakalelwa kukuba, nikela ingqalelo. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Indlela yokucothisa uBudlelwane ukuba buhamba ngokukhawuleza kakhulu

2. Cotha izinto

Uthando lwebhombu lujongeka njani? Njengokuba kuninzi okwenzekayo ngokukhawuleza. Xa uqala ukuqaphela le pateni, kubalulekile ukuba ulawule imeko kwaye ungavumeli umntu ukuba akukhawulezisele kwizigqibo okanye izibophelelo ongazilungiselelanga. Nantsi indlela:

• Beka imida malunga nokuba nincokola kangaphi okanye lingakanani ixesha enilichitha kunye
• Zala ngembeko incoko malunga nezibophelelo ezinzulu ukuba uziva ukhawuleza kakhulu
• Thatha inyathelo emva ukuba ufuna ukuthetha into enje, "Ndiyonwabele kakhulu ukukwazi, kodwa ndikhetha ukuthatha izinto ngesantya apho sinokukhululeka sobabini."

UJayant uthi, “Oku akukokudlala ngokuzimisela kodwa kukuzinika ixesha lokuhlola ukuba uyafanelana ngaphandle kokukhathazeka.

3. Gcina ukuzimela kwakho

Iibhombu zothando zizama ukwahlukanisa nabahlobo, usapho, okanye iindlela zakho zesiqhelo. Ukuba uziva ngathi lo mntu ukuye ubudlula bonke ubomi bakho, unganikezeli. Khusela ukuzimela kwakho ngokuhlala uqhagamshelwe kwinkqubo yakho yenkxaso kwaye ugxile kwiinjongo zakho zobuqu.

Chitha ixesha kunye nabo ubathandayo abanokunika imbono malunga nale meko. Zibandakanye kwizinto ozonwabisa ngazo, umsebenzi, kunye nezinye izinto ezikubeka kubuntu bakho ngaphandle kobudlelwane. Ngaphezu kwako konke, khumbula ukuba uthando lokwenene alukuceli ukuba uncame iinxalenye zakho. 

UkuFunda okuFanayo: Iingozi ezili-9 zokuthandana ngokukhawuleza kakhulu kunye nendlela yokuyeka

4. Zikhusele ngokweemvakalelo

Uthando lwebhombu lusebenza kakhulu kuba ludala ukuxhomekeka ngokweemvakalelo, apho uqala ukulangazelela ukuhoywa kunye nothando lomnye umntu. Kuko oku kuxhomekeka ukuba umqhushumbisi onothando uya kuthi kamva aqhubele phambili ekuxhaphazeni ukukuxhaphaza okanye alawule phezu kwakho. Ukuba uzifumana uwela kwiipateni ezingafanelekanga njengokujonga rhoqo ifowuni yakho ukuze ubone ukuba bathumele imiyalezo okanye babeke ecaleni umsebenzi okanye ixesha nabahlobo kunye nosapho ukuze ube kunye nabo, okanye ucinga ngabo ngokugqithisileyo, kufuneka uthabathe inyathelo kwaye uzikhusele ngokwasemoyeni. 

Zikhumbuze ukuba uthando olusempilweni alukho malunga nokubaxa; imalunga nozinzo kunye nokungaguquguquki. Emva koko, yenza umzamo wokwaphula iipateni ezingafanelekanga onokuthi uwele kuzo ngaphambi kokuba zijike zibe ngumjikelo okhohlakeleyo ekunzima ukuwushiya. 

Ukuba uyasokola ukufumana indlela yokuphuma, ekusenokwenzeka ukuba unikwe ukuba uthando lokuqhubhisa ibhombu lunokuvakala ngathi sisiyobisi-sinxilisayo kwaye siyakhobokisa, cinga ngokufuna uncedo lwengcali yempilo yengqondo. Umgqirha onobuchule unokukunceda ukuba uqaphele iipateni ezingekho mpilweni, uqonde ukuba kutheni uziva utsalelekile kubo, kwaye akuxhobise ngezixhobo zokuzikhusela. Ukuba ufuna uncedo, abacebisi abanezakhono nabanamava ku Iphaneli yeBonobology zilapha ngenxa yakho. 

5. Zilungiselele ukuhamba

Ukuba uthando lwebhombu luyazingisa nangona ubeka imida, okanye ukuba umntu uyalawula, uyakhohlisa, okanye uxhaphaza ngokweemvakalelo, lixesha lokucinga. ukushiya ubudlelwane. Sukubambelela kuhlobo olugqibeleleyo lweentsuku zokuqala zobudlelwane kwaye unyamezele ukuphathwa gadalala okanye ukuqhatha ngethemba lokuba iqabane lakho liya kubuyela ekubeni laliyiyo ngaphambili. Ayizukwenzeka. Zikhumbuze ukuba ukufanele ukuba kunye nomntu ongapheleli nje ekukuthanda ngokwenene kwaye okukhathaleleyo kodwa okuhloniphileyo. 

Nje ukuba wenze isigqibo sokuphelisa ubudlelwane, nxibelelana neqabane lakho ngokuzolileyo nangokucacileyo. Lungiselela umjikelo wokuqhunyiswa kwebhombu yothando ukuba uqale ngokutsha xa uthatha isigqibo sokuhamba. Ukuze unganikezeli kwakhona kwakhona, kufuneka ukhumbule zonke iiflegi ezibomvu onokuthi uziphosile okanye ungahoywa okokuqala kwaye uzikhumbuze ukuba sele uyazi ukuba esi script sidlala njani, ngoko akukho sizathu sokunika elinye ithuba.  

Iingcinga Final

Ukuqhunyiswa luthando kunokubangela ukuphazamiseka, kodwa ngokuqaphela ukuziphatha nokuthabatha amanyathelo okumisela imida, unokuzikhusela ekwenzakaleni ngokweemvakalelo. UJayant uthi: “Uthando lokwenene lufana namanzi azolileyo, kungekhona isaqhwithi. Uthando olusempilweni luthabatha ixesha ukwakha—lumalunga nomsa ongaguqukiyo, kungekhona ubunzulu obugqithiseleyo.

Iimpawu ezili-9 zokulalana okungafanelekanga kubudlelwane

Iingcebiso ezisi-8 zeeNgcali zokusinda kwiNgxaki yoMtshato

Izinto ezili-11 ezenzekayo kubudlelwane ngaphandle kokuthembana

Umnikelo wakho awuquki isisa umnikelo. Iya kuvumela i-Bonobology ukuba iqhubeke nokukuzisela ulwazi olutsha nolwangoku kwiphulo lethu lokunceda nabani na osehlabathini ukuba afunde ukwenza nantoni na.