Phakathi nohambo lwami njenge-blogger yewebhu, ngithole ithuba lokuhlela izindatshana ezimbalwa ezikhuluma ngobudlelwano bangaphandle komshado ngokukhululekile. Abantu bavame ukukhuluma ngokuthandana nomunye umuntu ngaphandle komngane wabo womshado kalula. Noma kunjalo, imikhuba yendabuko kanye ne-orthodox ye umfazi oyedwa bathambekele ekubenibuyisela emshadweni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, balingwa injabulo yokuphishekela injabulo nomuntu omusha, ngakolunye, baboshelwe ekulondekeni kobuhlobo obuzinzile.
Yize kunjalo ziyakhula izehlakalo zokujola. Noma abantu sebekhuluma ngakho namuhla. Pho yini edale lolu shintsho? Ukuphinga akuselona icala? Ingabe izinkambiso zomphakathi mayelana nokulalana ngaphandle komshado ziyashintsha? Noma lukhona uthando ebudlelwaneni bangaphandle komshado?
Izinkambiso Zomphakathi Ezindabeni Zangaphandle Komshado ziyashintsha?
Okuqukethwe
Hhayi-ke, imibuzo nezivumo ezizungezile ubudlelwano bangaphandle komshado akuwona umqondo wenoveli. Sekungamashumi eminyaka zandile emphakathini. Izigaba zokungathembeki ezibhala ngezinkinga zomuntu siqu eziphathelene nokulala nomuntu ngaphandle komshado ziye zajabulela ukuthandwa okuyigugu komagazini nasemaphephandabeni. Nokho, imibuzo, ukuvuma izono, noma okuthunyelwe kokwelulekwa kwashicilelwa ngokuyinhloko njengokungaziwa noma okunegama elishintshiwe. Izinto ziyashintsha manje; amahloni kanye nezimfihlo ezizungezile izindaba ziyancipha. Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi izimiso zomphakathi eziphathelene nobulili obungaphandle komshado ziyashintsha, noma nje ukuthi abantu bathembeke kakhulu kulezi zinsuku?
Kunezizathu ezinhlanu ezinkulu zokwemukelwa okwengeziwe kokulalana ngaphandle komshado emphakathini wamaNdiya.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Imfihlo yokuthi ukujola kwabantu ngaphandle komshado kuqala kanjani nokuthi kuphele kanjani
1. Siyaqiniseka ngezifiso zethu
Abantu namuhla bathintana kakhulu nemvelo yabo izifiso, futhi ngaleyo ndlela, bazimisele ukwenqaba izakhiwo zomphakathi ezivimbela ukuphishekela kwabo lezi zifiso, kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba. Njengoba izisho ezifana nethi YoLo (Uphila Kanye Kuphela) seziphenduka amazwi okuphila ngazo, abantu abasafuni ukuphila impilo yezifiso ezingafezeki ezihlatshelwe e-altare lokuzwana komshado nemisebenzi yabazali. Ngakho, ukuthatheka noma ukukhangwa kungaholela ebudlelwaneni obunokungabaza okuncane nokwesaba ngemiphumela.
2. Ukufuna uthando nokuxhuma ngokomzwelo
Njengoba kunemikhuba ematasa nempilo ematasa, imibhangqwana eyandayo iba nebanga lokungena ebudlelwaneni, ibashiye bezizwa isizungu emshadweni. Isidingo sokuxhumana ngokomzwelo nokuqinisekisa singaba njengesizathu esiphoqayo sokulandela kulokho kukhanga okuphoqayo kwemizwa yomuntu ngomuntu ongaphandle komshado wabo.
Ngabe lukhona yini uthando ebudlelwaneni obungaphandle komshado? Yebo, uthando noma ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kuyisici esivamile njengenkanuko ebudlelwaneni obungaphandle komshado. Umelaphi nombhali owaziwayo U-Esther Perel yachaza izakhi ezibalulekile zokungathembeki ngokuthi: “Ukungathembeki kuhlanganisa izici ezintathu ezibalulekile: ubuhlobo obuyimfihlo, obuwumgogodla wesakhiwo sokuqomisana; ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo ngezinga elithile noma kwelinye; kanye ne-alchemy yobulili.”
3. Ukuphinga akuselona icala
Ukuphinga akuselona icala? Yebo, ngo-2018, iNkantolo Ephakeme yaseNdiya, ngo isahlulelo esiyingqopha-mlando, ukumunca umthetho wamakholoni owahlehla eminyakeni eyi-158 owawuthatha ukuphinga njengecala lobugebengu. Umthetho wakudala ububheka owesilisa ezibandakanya ocansini nowesifazane oshadile - ngaphandle kwemvume yomyeni wakhe - njengommeleli wobugebengu kanti owesifazane eyisisulu.
"Izindaba ngokuvamile aziqali ngenkanuko, kodwa ngesidingo sokuqonda, ukuqinisekiswa, nokunakwa."
Ibhentshi lamajaji amahlanu lenkantolo enkulu linqume ukuthi lowo mthetho awuhambisani nomthethosisekelo, ubungahloniphi futhi ungowakudala. Isinqumo sathi abesifazane kufanele baphathwe njengabalinganayo emshadweni futhi indoda angeke ibonakale njengenkosi yomfazi, okwenza umenzi wobubi kanye nezisulu zingasebenzi.
Lokhu akubonisi nje kuphela ushintsho ezinkambisweni zomphakathi ezindabeni zangaphandle komshado kodwa futhi kunikeza isibindi izifiso zanoma ubani ofuna ukuzanelisa ngokobulili noma okungokomzwelo ngaphandle komshado wabo.
4. Ithuba lokunonga izinto
Lapho abantu bekhuluma izizathu zokuya ngaphandle komshado, isifiso sokunonga izinto nokuzwa okuthile okusha njengetimu evamile. Lesi sifiso, esihambisana nokukhululeka ukuxhumana nabantu emphakathini, siyisizathu esiyinhloko esenza ukuba ubuhlobo bobulili obungaphandle komshado bube yinto evamile namuhla.
- Zama Imisebenzi Emisha Ndawonye: Hlola izinto zokuzilibazisa ezintsha njengokudansa, amakilasi okupheka, ukugibela izintaba, noma ngisho nomdlalo omusha ukuze ulethe injabulo nokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe ebudlelwaneni bakho.
- Bamangale Njalo: Izimanga ezincane njengenothi elibhalwe ngesandla, ubusuku bedethi obungalindelekile, noma ukudla okuyintandokazi kungangeza into yokuzijabulisa nokucabangela endleleni.
- Hlela Ukuhamba Ngokuzenzakalelayo: Uhambo lwempelaviki lomzuzu wokugcina noma ngisho nendawo yokuhlala lunganikeza ushintsho lwendawo kanye nethuba lokuxhuma kabusha kude nempilo yansuku zonke.
- Hlanganyela Ekudlaleni Ngothando: Vuselelani inhlansi ngokuthumela imibhalo yothando, izincomo, noma nigcone nidlala, njengoba nje nawenza lapho niqala ukuthandana.
Ungakwazi ukuphinde uxhumane nesithandwa sesikole samabanga aphezulu noma umuntu omdala ochotshozwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, noma uhlangane nomuntu ongamazi onomqondo ofanayo ngomsebenzi noma endaweni yokucima ukoma. Izinto zisuka nje lapho. Imfihlo etholakala ngomakhalekhukhwini nemiyalezo yenza kube lula ukuphishekela ishende usekhaya, ngisho nokuhlala eduze nowakwakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 10 Amaphutha Avamile Okubuyisana Emshadweni Okufanele Ugweme Ngemva Kokungathembeki
5. Indlela yokuphila iyashintsha
Ukushintsha indlela yokuphila nakho kuyimbangela enkulu ebhebhezela ukwanda kwezigameko zokuqomisana ngaphandle komshado. Ukuba kude nozakwenu isikhathi eside ngenxa yomsebenzi manje kuvame kakhulu kunangaphambili. Engeza ukuzijabulisa nokuzijabulisa emiksini, futhi amathuba okwenza izinto ngendlela ecashelwe noma ukukhulula amandla ocansi avaliwe ngobusuku bokuzitika ngentshiseko anda ngokuphindaphindiwe.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukusinda Endabeni - Izinyathelo Eziyi-12 Zokubuyisela Uthando Nokwethemba Emshadweni
Ingabe Izindaba Zangaphandle Zingaba Nenzuzo?
Uma kucatshangelwa ukwamukelwa okukhulayo kulokhu kuxhumana emphakathini, kumane nje kungokwemvelo ukuthi umuntu azibuze – Ingabe ukuya ngaphandle komshado kungaba yinzuzo? Iningi longoti kwezobudlelwano kanye nabelaphi abangongoti kwezokwelashwa kwezithandani bangavuma ukuthi ukuya ngaphandle komshado kungadala umonakalo obulalayo emishadweni, iningi lawo elihlulekayo ukubuya kulo mgodi wakwalasha. ukwethenjwa okuphukile.
Kodwa-ke, uma umlingani wakho engaqinile ngemibono yokuba nomfazi oyedwa noma ungakwazi ukukugcina uthandana nomuntu oshade naye isikhathi eside, ukuthandana nomuntu ongaphandle komshado kuletha izinzuzo ezimangalisayo emshadweni wakho.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
1. Kungani ukuthandana nomuntu ongaphandle komshado kwanda kakhulu?
“Nganginomngane owayevame ukuzizwa enesizungu naphezu kokuba eshadile.” Njengoba ayematasa emsebenzini futhi engasekelwa ngokomzwelo, wazithola esethululela isifuba kumngane wakhe asebenza naye.
Ukwanda kwezindaba kungabangelwa ukunqanyulwa kwemizwelo, izidingo ezingahlangatshezwana nazo, ingcindezi, kanye nokuxhumana kalula ngezinkundla zokuxhumana. Njengoba ukuphila kuba matasa futhi imibhangqwana ilwela ukulondoloza ukusondelana, abanye baphendukela ebudlelwaneni bangaphandle ukuze bagcwaliseke.
2. Ingabe zonke izenzo zobulili ngaphandle komshado zingokomzimba kuphela?
Akuzona zonke izindaba ezingokwenyama; abaningi banemizwa. Izindaba ezithinta imizwa zingalimaza ngendlela efanayo, njengoba zibandakanya ukwabelana ngemicabango ejulile, imizwa, nezimfihlo nomunye umuntu okungeyena umngane womshado, ngokuvamile okuholela emizweni ejulile yokukhaphela.
3. Ngazi kanjani ukuthi umshado wami usengozini yokuqonywa?
Uma kunokungaxhumani ngokomzwelo, ukuntuleka kokusondelana, ukulwa njalo, noma ukuzizwa ungabongiwe, umshado wakho ungase ube sengcupheni. Izimpawu zakuqala zibandakanya ukukhula kwemfihlo, ukuncishiswa kokuxhumana, kanye nebanga elingokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani.
Ukucabanga kokugcina
Izindaba zangaphandle komshado zivame ukuvela ezindabeni ezijulile phakathi kobudlelwano—kungaba ukunqanyulwa kwemizwelo, izidingo ezingahlangatsheziwe, noma ukufuna ukuqinisekiswa. Nakuba izindaba zingadala ubuhlungu nokukhaphela okukhulu, zingase futhi zibe isimemo sokuvusa imibhangqwana ukuba ibhekane nezinkinga ezingakaxazululwa. Ukwakha kabusha ngemva kokuthandana kunzima, kodwa akunakwenzeka, futhi ngokukhulumisana okuqotho, ukuzibophezela ekushintsheni, futhi ngezinye izikhathi usizo lochwepheshe, imibhangqwana ingasebenzela ekuphulukiseni nasekuqiniseni ubuhlobo babo. Bhukha iseshini nabelaphi bethu futhi siqale uhambo oluya ebudlelwaneni obunempilo.
Indaba Yokuvuma: Indlela Engabhekana Ngayo Ngokuthandana Nomphathi Wami
Izinto eziyi-8 engcupheni ezenza kube nokwenzeka ukuthi nithandane ngaphandle komshado
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Lokhu kuyiqiniso kakhulu ngenxa yendlela yokuphila eshintshile futhi abantu bavame ukubheka izindlela zokuphuma empilweni ye-monotonus futhi bazame ukuthwebula amathuba amagajethi nesimo senhlalo esivumela abantu ababili ukuba baxhumeke okuhambisana nokukhetha kanye ne-lkings.