Ukukhetha eyodwa, ukuzibophezela kubo, ukwakha ukuphila ndawonye - ikhaya, izingane, umsebenzi, njll, ukuzuza ubungane nokukhulisa ukuvikeleka, ukudala indawo yonke encane kule enkulu, ukunakekela nokunakekelwa, ukwaluka inetha lokuphepha elikhethekile labababili, intambo ngentambo nokuhlala ngenjabulo phakathi kwemiphetho yayo njalonjalo. Yilokho umshado oyikho kwabaningi bethu, okungenani ngokombono.
Umshado uyikhaya, noma ngabe ubandakanya ukuvumelana nomsebenzi, njengoba amaphephandaba athandwayo nabelaphi besitshela. Ezidalweni zethu zemihlambi esiyizo, umshado usinikeze imodeli yokusebenza, uhlele ukuhlukaniswa kwemisebenzi phakathi komndeni, wasinika isakhiwo sokuba nezingane kanye nokukhulisa izingane, wakhipha uhlaka lwezomnotho zokuphila - ukudluliswa kwempahla kanye nezezimali, wasinikeza indawo engokomzwelo ngomqondo wokwabelana ngempilo kanye nokukodwa okubaluleke kakhulu, indawo esemthethweni yokuzitika ngemoto yethu.
Sixhumene kakhulu nomqondo womshado, kangangokuthi noma ubani ophula imithetho yawo, ubhekwa njengomuntu ophambukayo noma ongenamahloni noma ontulayo ngandlela-thile futhi i-singleton nakanjani izobhujiswa! Nakuba umshado ngomqondo obalulekile, uyisikhungo esisebenzayo esinikeza uhlaka lokusekela ibhizinisi lokuphila eliyinkimbinkimbi, futhi udinga okuningi njengembuyiselo. Kufana kakhulu ne-< yagnas < ghee, til, khoi , kunkulunkulu womlilo ngalokho okuceliwe njengembuyiselo. Umshado unezela ku-'thina,' umuntu udala njengoba ususa umqondo wokuthi 'Mina'.
Futhi 'okuthathwayo' kubhulashwa ngomoya noma kwenziwe kubonakale kuyinto encane. Kukaningi sihlaselwa ngezinzuzo zenyunyana kuphela. Cabanga ngemboni yezigidigidi zamarandi esithengisa injabulo nenjongo ngothando nangomshado. Cabanga ngama-ejensi nezinkonzo zokuqondisa isondo uma kwenzeka lihluleka ukuqondanisa, cabanga ngokusolwa namahloni okuphoqeleka kulabo okuthiwa ama-maverick abalokotha bakhulume ngokungabaza noma ukunganeliseki kwabo ngakho.
Ukwesaba ukuhlekwa usulu nokulahlwa, kusukela kumalungu omndeni wangasese kuya kubabheki ababanzi besikhungo - umthetho, inkolo nomphakathi, kwanele ukuba sikubeke phambili ukucasuka kwethu futhi sivume ngekhanda ngokuvumelana, nakuba ngemuva kweminyango evaliwe futhi ekusithekeni singenza lokho esicabanga ukuthi singakwazi ukubalekela! Kodwa sonke siyazi futhi siyathuthumela ngemiphumela uma idalulwa!
Kunezindleko, izindleko zansuku zonke, le nyunyana ezibizayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyazivuma noma cha futhi zisiphuca, ngezinye izikhathi kancane, ngezinye izikhathi izingxenyana ezinkulu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi singabahwebi bayo abazimisele noma cha. Futhi, njengoba elikunikezayo kubalulekile, lokho elikuthathayo nakho, ngokuvamile kuyisisekelo ngokulinganayo!
Wonke umuntu ongaphandle kwenyunyana unokufinyelela okulinganiselwe kokubili kunyunyana futhi abangaphakathi bangakha kuphela ukusondelana kakhulu nabangaphandle kwayo. Lapha ngisebenzisa ukusondelana ngomqondo obanzi, ohlanganisa isimo somzwelo, ngokwengqondo nangokomoya hhayi nje ngokomzimba. Thina, umhlambi ohlangene, endabeni yeqiniso kanye nefilosofi elungile, siholelwa kude nawo wonke umhlambi noma sixwayiswe ngokwakha ubuhlobo obujulile nawo.
Cabanga ngokulahleka kokudedela izingxenye zethu, okwembulwa kuphela ekuphenduleni kwesinye esinamandla. Cabanga ngobuncane bezinhlangano ezinjalo ezilinganiselwe kanye nesithukuthezi esilethwa yilolu hlobo lokuvalelwa, cabanga ngamandla amoshayo nentshiseko engasebenzi nalapho umuntu ezinikela khona, cabanga ngobuhlungu bokukhashelwa nokukhohlisa.
Eqinisweni, amandla amaningi, isikhathi kanye nezinsiza ezichithwa kuwena nakho kuthathwa njengokumelene nenyunyana kanye nobugovu obujulile, okuphambene nalokho kanye nokuba 'umngane womshado' omuhle noma indoda yomndeni noma owesifazane. Kuphi futhi kanjani, lapho-ke, sikuzwakalisa ukungahambisani esikuzwa usuku nosuku, kungaba sezinhliziyweni zethu, emizimbeni noma emiqondweni yethu ngokumelene nalokho osekusungulwe njengenkambiso yeqoqo?
Uthando lweqiniso luhlala phakade. Abalingani bethu bomphefumulo bazogcwalisa zonke izidingo zethu. Siziphatha kabi ngandlela-thile uma sikhangwa omunye. I-Monogamy imayelana nokuziphendukela kwemvelo. Sizofisa labo esibathandayo!
Incwadi engisebenza ngayo, ibuza yona kanye le mikhuba. Kuwumbuzo mayelana nesiphetho sothando, ubulili, uthando kanye nomfutho wokungathembeki nokungathembeki ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside. Ingabe ezothando nezifiso zilandela umugqa oqondile njengoba sitsheliwe? Ingabe ukhona umlingani womphefumulo wawo wonke umuntu futhi uma simthola sizofika othandweni lwaphakade futhi konke okunye kuzowela endaweni?
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokwenza Intombazane Ihleke - Izimfihlo Ezingu-11 Ezingaphumeleli Ezisebenza Njenge-Charm
Ingabe kulungile ngezinye izikhathi ukuzonda lowo muntu esimthandayo? Ingabe ilungiselelo lomshado liyavumelana nemizwelo yethu engokwemvelo? Ingabe ngempela senzelwe ukuba nomfazi oyedwa (umlingani oyedwa wocansi kuphela)? Ingabe ilula, njengoba lezo zikhangiso zisho? Thenga lelo cologne noma leli philisi ukuze uthole isifiso, lawo madayimane noma isidlo sakusihlwa sasebusuku bekhandlela esenziwe ngokuphelele sothando? Uma sikhangwa omunye, kusho ukuthi asimthandi umlingani wethu noma okuphambene nalokho? Ingabe izinto zimhlophe futhi zimnyama kangako?
Ucwaningo engilubhalile mayelana nombhede womshado. Njengoba umbhede womshado ungaphakathi kwekamelo lokulala, kunzima kakhulu ukuqonda ukuthi imibhangqwana ihlobana kanjani phakathi kwesakhiwo samanje senhlalo. Ngisho noma ubulili buyisenzo sangasese, izinkambiso zakhona zigxilwe ngokuphindaphindiwe ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene, zingaki izikhathi ezivamile, yini evamile, umbono wesayizi, i-libido yabesifazane uma iqhathaniswa neyowesilisa njll.
Ngemva kokuxoxisana nenqwaba yabelaphi, ososayensi bezocansi kanye nabeluleki, ngaqala izingxoxo zobuso nobuso ukuze ngiqonde ukuthi 'kungani' ngemuva kwedatha engiyiqoqe kubo. Kwavela futhi njengoba bekulindelekile, ukuthi abantu abakhululekile ukuba neqiniso njengoba bebengaba njalo, ukube bebengenalo igama. Ukwesaba ukwahlulelwa nokuhlekwa usulu kukhulu kunomzwelo wokwabelana ngamaqiniso akho ngokwethembeka. Ucwaningo lwaqala kulelo gebe.
Kodwa-ke, isimanje noma ukwaziswa esingazibiza ngakho, iqiniso lihlala liwukuthi kukhona ukunganeliseki okubanzi, ukudideka, ukungqubuzana maqondana nothando, ubulili kanye nokwethembeka kumbhangqwana oshadile wasemadolobheni. Futhi ezikhathini eziningi, lezi zixutshwa ngaphansi kukakhaphethi ngenjongo yokulondoloza isimo esikhona, (funda izingane, ukuthula ekhaya, ukukhiqiza emsebenzini njll.) Kodwa ukuphikisa kuyavuza futhi uma kungabhekwanga kubola isisekelo sokukhula, injabulo nokuthula esizama ukukusekela singahlosile. Ngezinye izikhathi, kuye kwephuze kakhulu. Inhlolovo ikubuza imibuzo embhedeni wakho womshado, akufanele ikuthathe ngaphezu kwemizuzu embalwa kodwa izohlala nawe izinsuku eziningi futhi ikwenze ubuze zona kanye izinto oke wazithatha kalula noma okade udonsa kanzima.
Omunye wemibuzo ekuhlolweni kwethu wawuthi, 'Ingabe owakwakho ujabulile ngempilo yocansi?' Sekukonke, abantu abangu-53% baphendule Cha futhi (okubi nakakhulu), 'Angazi.' Ngemva kwemibuzo embalwa, ngiye ngabuza, 'Uma futhi kunenkinga ngempilo yakho yobulili, ingabe uke wavakashela umeluleki wobulili noma umeluleki?' Ama-93% ahlulekile. Futhi uma, futhi nini, omunye wabalingani babo bomshado enqotshwa ukuhlala ubusuku obubodwa noma ubuhlobo bobulili obubodwa, bona kanye labo bantu cishe bayongena ekushayeleni ngokweqile kokushaqeka, ukucasuka nokwethuka. Inhlolovo izokwenza ucabange, ingabe likhona igebe kulokho okubaluleke ngempela nokuthi empeleni sikuphatha kanjani. Omunye udokotela engihlangane naye muva nje uthe 'bheka irekhodi lenkonzo yemoto yabantu, lisebenza ngezinsuku', babuze ukuthi ngabe sebewenzile yini umlando womzimba wabo wonyaka bese ubhala okungenalutho!'
Uma sibuyela ocwaningweni enye impendulo ethokozisayo yombuzo othi: 'Wake waba nobuhlobo obungaphandle komshado?' kwakuwukuthi, 'ngisho nokuhlangana kancane namanye amadoda kungenza ngijabule.' Lokhu kwasilethela imibuzo ejulile: Ingabe kuyiqiniso ukuthi i-libido yabesilisa inamandla kunaleyo yobulili obuhle?
'I-Survey Monkey' ayikuceli igama lakho noma i-id ye-imeyili. Igcina imfihlo eqinile kanye nokungaziwa. Ayikho indlela yokuthi noma iyiphi ingxenye yezimpendulo/impendulo yakho ingaxhunywa kuwe.
Izimpendulo zakho kuphela ezizorekhodwa.
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Yebo. Umshado ungaqinisekisa uthando nesifiso. Akukhathalekile ukuthi abantu abashadile banesikhathi eside kangakanani emshadweni, kungaba isikhathi eside kuze kube ngu-50 yrs futhi kodwa kusengaba khona uthando nesifiso. Umshado ufana neNgadi Eluhlaza Eluhlaza. Abashadile bangabahambeli bokugcina ingadi kanye notshani obuluhlaza. Abashadile bangakwazi ukukhulisa ingadi eluhlaza noma bashiye ingadi kuze kube sekupheleni futhi benze ingadi yome, basole ingadi futhi babheke kwenye indawo lapho i-Gross iluhlaza. Yilokho kanye okwenzeka emshadweni. Akukhona ukuthi umshado mude yingakho ikhubalo/inhlansi/isifiso/uthando lungasekho. Kungenxa yokuthi abashadile banobugovu, abathathi isinyathelo sokukhulisa uthando, isifiso kanye nothando lokuphila, nokulahla izimiso zokuziphatha, ukuziphatha, abalingisi, izifungo zomshado nokuzibophezela emgqonyeni wothuli bese bephendukela ekukopeleni kungaba ngobusuku obubodwa noma izindaba ngokusola ezinye noma izimo zabo ezibalulekile. Obani okufanele basolwe - hhayi isimiso somshado, kodwa munye kuphela okufanele asolwe yilabo abanobugovu, abangenamahloni, abavilaphayo, abangamagwala nabangenasimilo ngoba noma yimuphi umngane womshado akakwazanga ukuhola futhi alungise izinkinga ngaphandle kwezindlela ezitholakalayo, azikho izindlela zothando kanye nenhlansi engagcinwa iphila nabantu abafanayo abangakwazi ukuyiqala futhi bangamagwala noma bengakwazi ukuxazulula izinkinga nobudlelwano. impilo njengoba befisa kodwa ngokungenamahloni bashiya isithunzi nokuziphatha baphendukela ekukopeleni ngokulala nomuntu wesithathu. Wonke umkhohlisi uthi, kungaba ebudlelwaneni noma ngobusuku obubodwa, bahlola izikhundla ezihlukene, abalingisi abahlukene nabanye abaningi, abanegazi abamise ukuba bahlole nabanye babo ababalulekile? Ingabe bake baxoxa ngalokho ababekulindele futhi bakulungise lokhu nabanye ababalulekile, akunjalo? Ingabe bake bafinyelela usizo lwabeluleki, akunjalo? Kungani ngoba empeleni abamthandi omunye wabo obalulekile (badidekile nothando) futhi abafuni ukwenza ngcono umshado wabo ngendlela abalindele ngayo ukuze bakhohlise futhi bajabulele nomuntu wesithathu ngokungenamahloni ngemuva kwabashade nabo futhi babasole ngalesi simo. Yingakho bonke abakopela bengalokothi basebenze emshadweni wabo ngaphambi kokukopela ukuze bajabulele ukulala nomuntu wesithathu ukuze basole abashade nabo kanye nezimo zabo. Abakhohlisayo ukuthi banesandla esingakanani ekuthuthukiseni umshado, lutho futhi balindele ukuthi konke kwenziwe ngomunye wabo obalulekile. Bonke abakhohlisi bayaphumelela esimisweni sokuthi "uGhar Ki Chor Ko ngeke ngisho noNkulunkulu akwazi ukubamba". Miningi kakhulu imishado lapho uthando, ezothando nezifiso zikhona noma sekuphele iminyaka engu-40 beshadile kodwa kusezandleni zabo. Bangabhidliza noma benze umshado ube nenhlansi. Umuntu angahlala kanjani nomuntu oyedwa for 40 yrs and other reasons are bullshit justifications for cheating. Yilokho kuphela. Inhlansi, ezothando, isifiso sisemqondweni futhi uma umuntu eqinisile komunye wabo obalulekile & nomqondo ofanayo uzoveza isifiso nothando komunye wabo obalulekile. Uma iso lomuntu lilihle-ekwazi ukubona okuhle koshade naye, enokwazisa ngalokho anakho komngane wakhe womshado, ekwazi ukuqonda lokho abashade naye abayikho, enothando olungenabugovu ngomngane wakhe womshado, ezothando nezifiso azisoze zaphela kungakhathaliseki ubudala neminyaka yomshado ngaphandle kwalokho wonke umuntu ongaphandle komshado uzobukeka enothando futhi eshisayo ngaphandle komngane wakhe womshado. Ekugcineni yi-pyshe kanye nengqondo eyenza uthando nokufisa kube nenjongo noma kubenza bakhohlise ngokusola yonke into ngaphandle kwabo.