Ukucabanga ngomshado wesibili kungaba nzima kakhulu kumuntu oqale waba nomshado omubi kakhulu. Ungase uzithole uzibuza, “Ungawuthola kanjani umshado wesibili ophumelelayo kuyilapho owokuqala wawuyinhlekelele?” Wake walunywa kabili namahloni, njengoba besho. Kodwa-ke, impilo nayo imayelana namathuba esibili. Kunezibonelo ezanele zamadoda nabesifazane ababa nenhlanhla okwesibili noma okwesithathu. Ngakho, ukwehluleka noma ukuhlangenwe nakho okubi makungavimbeli ukujabulela okuthile okuhle njengomshado ozibophezele kuwo.
Imishado ingehluleka ngenxa yanoma yisiphi isizathu. Kusukela ezindabeni zokuhambisana - ukuhambisana ngokocansi noma ukusondelana ngokomzwelo - ekungathembeki noma ukuphuma othandweni, wonke umuntu unendaba yakhe eyingqayizivele. Mhlawumbe yilokhu futhi okunquma isimo sabo sengqondo ngomshado wesibili.
Nokho, akukho okubi ekugcineni umqondo ovulekile ngobuhlobo obusha. Kungani? Ngoba uthando lunezindlela zalo ezingaqondakali zokukubamba ungalindele futhi zikulinge ukuthi ufune ukucwila - naphezu kokucwila ngokujulile okokuqala ngqa. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ungase ukuxwaye ukubhekana nomphumela ofanayo okwesibili futhi ungathanda ukwenza konke ongakwenza ukuze ugweme ukuphahlazeka nokusha futhi. Ngeseluleko esilungile somshado sesi-2, ungamisa umlando ekuzibhaleni kabusha, futhi silapha ukuze sikusize ngalokho kanye.
Yiziphi Izilinganiso Zempumelelo Yemishado Yesibili?
Okuqukethwe
Isehlukaniso, ikakhulukazi uma bekukubi futhi kubangwa esikhundleni sokubonisana, singaba buhlungu kakhulu. Kungalesi sizathu abantu abaningi bengabaza ukuphinda bazibophezele, noma ngabe bathola uthando. Ngakho-ke, umbuzo wesigidi samadola uthi “Ingabe imishado yesibili iyaphumelela?” Ngeshwa, isayensi inikeza imiphumela exubile uma kuziwa emazingeni empumelelo alabo abashadayo futhi, okuchaza kahle ukuthi kungani abantu bebhekana nokukhathazeka komshado wesibili emcabangweni nje wokushada futhi.
Umbiko ka-2013 weNational Center for Family and Marriage Research e-Bowling Green State University wathola ukuthi nakuba isilinganiso sesehlukaniso semishado yaseMelika singama-50%, esimweni semishado yesibili, sikhuphukela ku-60%. kanye nama-65% emshadweni wesithathu nowesine.
Kodwa-ke, ucwaningo olwenziwe yi-Marriage Foundation ese-UK luthole ukuthi imishado yesibili ayinawo amathuba amaningi okuthi iphele ngesehlukaniso kuneyokuqala. Eqinisweni, ama-45% alabo abashada okokuqala cishe baya eSplitsville ngokungafani nama-31% ashada kabusha.
Kunezizathu eziningana ezenza imishado yesibili iwele . Ngezinye izikhathi, abantu bagijimela ebuhlotsheni obusha (mhlawumbe ukuze bacasule owangaphambili womlingani wabo) ngaphandle kokucabanga okufanele. Izinkinga ezinkulu zingavela ngenxa yemithwalo yemizwelo imibhangqwana eyithwala emshadweni wayo wangaphambilini. Ukuzinza emndenini omusha nokuhlanganisa imindeni emibili nakho kungaba nezinselele zabo.
Ngokuqondakalayo, inkinga yokuthi uwenza kanjani umshado wesibili uphumelele ingase ibe nzima. Ngakho-ke, lapho ukukhathazeka komshado wesibili kuba kubi, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ekugcineni konke kuncike kulokho umuntu abhekana nakho. Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuthatha zonke izinyathelo zokuvimbela umshado wesibili ukuba ungaphumeleli ngokungaphindi amaphutha owokuqala kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ungase wenze amaphutha amasha. Lokhu kungaholela ekutheni izinkinga zomshado wesibili zibe zimbi nakakhulu, zikuphushele endleleni yomunye umshado ongajabulisi.
Kunalokho, uma ufunde kahle izifundo zakho futhi uzimisele ukuphinda uqhubeke, izinyathelo ozithatha ngokucophelela zingase zisize kakhulu ekwenzeni umshado wesibili uphumelele futhi uqine. Kunenqwaba yezindaba zempumelelo yomshado wesibili ezifakazela ukuthi ngomlingani ofanele, i-innings yesibili emshadweni ingaphumelela kakhulu kuneyokuqala. Imishado yesibili ephumelelayo yeNkosana uCharles noCamilla Parker, uGeorge no-Amal Clooney, uTom Hanks noRita Wilson iwubufakazi.
Isikhathi eside nesifushane ukuthi isiphetho somshado wesibili singashintsha noma iyiphi indlela, futhi kukuwe nomngane wakho womshado omusha ukuthola izimfihlo zomshado wesibili ophumelelayo osebenzela uxhumano lwakho. Noma kunjalo, kunezinto ezithile okumelwe uzenze nezingafaneleki ezingakusiza ugweme izinkinga ezivamile zomshado wesibili. Ngokubambisana, ake sinqume ukuthi yini edingekayo ukuze umshado wesibili uphumelele.
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11 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Ukuze Ube Nomshado Wesibili Ophumelelayo
Uyafuna ukwazi ukuthi ungaba kanjani nomshado wesibili ophumelelayo? Eqinisweni, lapho uthatha isinqumo sokuphinda wehle e-altare, uzohlaselwa ngezeluleko zomshado wesibili ezivela kubangane nezihlobo ezinezisusa ezinhle. Impela, ukwehlukana kuyisigameko esidabukisayo hhayi nje kumbhangqwana ohilelekile kodwa nasemkhayeni wabo ngakho ingcindezi yokuthi ungahluleki ingase ibe namandla kunesikhathi sokuqala.
Nokho, umshado awulona uhlanga noma umsebenzi. Ungangena kuyo kuphela ngomqondo ovulekile futhi unethemba lokuhle. Sesikushilo lokho, kunezinto ongazenza ukuze ugweme izinkinga zomshado wesibili futhi esikhundleni salokho, wakhe ubuhlobo obuqinile. Nazi izeluleko zesibili zomshado ezisekelwa uchwepheshe zokwenza uhambo lwakho olusha lokungena emshadweni lugcwaliseke futhi luvuze kakhulu:
1. Ziqaphele
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini oye wabhekana nayo emshadweni wokuqala, cabanga ukuthi iphelele ngoba ikufundise konke okudingeka ukwazi. Lokhu kungenye yezihluthulelo zomshado wesibili ophumelelayo. Ngeshwa, abantu abaningi abaqapheli umthelela ababa nawo ebudlelwaneni babo, futhi esikhundleni salokho, baphendukela ekusoleni abashade nabo ngokwehluleka naphezu kokwazi izizathu ezizwakalayo zesehlukaniso.
Lapho enikeza amacebiso omshado wesibili, umeluleki uDkt. Paul Jenkins uthi, “Kungenzeka ukuthi ushada nendoda noma owesifazane omusha kodwa ungumuntu ofanayo futhi cishe uzoletha izimfanelo noma ukuthambekela okufanayo emshadweni wesibili owawulethe kowokuqala. Ngakho kubalulekile ukuzazi ukuze uxazulule izinkinga zomshado wesibili ngokuphumelelayo futhi ungazivumeli ziphazamise isibopho sakho nomngane wakho womshado omusha.”
“Hlola ukuthi wenzani ebudlelwaneni,” uyanezela, ecaphuna isibonelo sekhasimende elalishade nengu-8 lineminyaka ephakathi kuka-30. Iphethini evamile kubo bonke ubudlelwano bakhe - amadoda ahlukumezayo. “Bonke babengamadoda ahlukene kodwa yena wayefana, kwakuyiphutha elifanayo ayelenza,” usho kanje.
2. Cacisa futhi uthembeke kumlingani wakho
Imishado yesibili ingabhidlika ngoba uthwele izibazi eziningi emoyeni kusukela kowokuqala okuhlanganisa izinto ezenzeke kuwe, ukubona kwakho kanye nesimo sakho sengqondo nokunye. Ukuze uzigweme, beka zonke izinkinga etafuleni njengoba wenza ubudlelwano benu bube semthethweni.
USusie no-Otto Collins, abaqeqeshi abanolwazi lokuguqula izinto, babala izinto okufanele nizilungise kusenesikhathi njengoba nilungiselela umshado wesibili. “ Izinkinga zokukhulisa izingane zizovela uma nizama ukuhlanganisa imindeni. Zixazulule, xoxani ngendlela ngamunye wenu azophatha ngayo izingane zomunye. Izinkinga zemali zingaba zinkulu ngokulinganayo. Kusukela lapho nizotshala khona imali kuya lapho nizochitha khona amaholide, lezi yizinkinga eziphakamayo,” basho.
Lezi zinkinga zomshado wesibili azikwazi ukufiswa. Kodwa ngombono ovuthiwe, ungafunda ukuzisingatha ngendlela ezokwenza ubuhlobo benu bungabi nezinkinga.
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3. Gxuma emaphethini akudala okucabanga
Uma usenezindlela zakho zakudala zokucabanga, amaphethini amadala wokubuka umhlaba kanye nendlela yokwenza izinto, lezo zici zizokugcina unamathele ebudlelwaneni bakho obusha futhi. Bazokuvimbela ekubeni usondelene, uxhumeke futhi othandweni njengoba ukufanele. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi kulabo abangena emshadweni wesibili ngemva kweminyaka engu-40, njengoba ngaleso sikhathi abantu bevame ukugxila kakhulu ezindleleni zabo.
“Ngokusebenzisa kabi izindlela zakho zangaphambili, wenza indlela yokugcina umshado wakho omusha uphila futhi unempilo,” kusho u-Otto lapho enikeza iseluleko esiqinile somshado wesibili. Lokhu kungenye yezinto ezibaluleke kakhulu okufanele uzikhumbule lapho ulungiselela umshado wesibili. Ngokuyisisekelo, ungawuphathi umshado wakho omusha njengesandiso salowo omdala nakuba unomlingani omusha. Kunalokho, yamukela ukuthi kuzoletha ulwazi olusha, ukufunda okusha, injabulo entsha kanye nokukhungatheka okusha. Ngakho zilungiselele.
4. Funda ukuxazulula izinkinga zokwethembana
Imishado yesibili ingavela ezimweni ezahlukene. Uma umshado omusha ungumphumela wothando lwangaphandle komshado, ungamangali uma unezinkinga zokuthembana okungenani ekuqaleni. “Kudingeka uqaphele ukuthi yini oyilethayo emshadweni omusha. Kulesi simo, kuwukuzimisela ukubheka ngaphandle komshado wakho ukuze waneliseke,” kusho uDkt. Jenkins.
Yiqiniso, lesi akusona isizathu sokuphakamisa ukuthi wena noma umlingani wakho ngeke nithembeke, ninakekelane futhi nithandane. “Izindaba zokwethembana azinakuxazululeka kodwa kufanele uthembeke kabuhlungu ngokuthi ubuthinte kanjani obunye ubudlelwano. Lokhu kukwenza ubone ukuthi ubhekene nani,” uyanezela. Elinye lamacebiso abaluleke kakhulu emshadweni wesibili ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuqwashisa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuxazulula izinkinga zomshado wesibili njengokuntula ukwethembana.
Ngakho-ke, enye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokulungiselela umshado wesibili iwukuqaphela zonke izinkathazo zomshado wesibili, izindaba zokuthembana, izinsolo eniziletha nobabili emshadweni njengengxenye yomthwalo wenu ongokomzwelo. Ngemva kokuqwashisa kufika ukuxhumana.
Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngemizwa yakho kanye nezinkinga osuvele ubhekene nazo noma ocabanga ukuthi ungase ubhekane nazo esikhathini esizayo. Uma usuwabeke wonke amakhadi etafuleni, kuzoba lula kakhulu kinina nobabili ukubhekana nezinkinga eninazo. Esinye sezeluleko ezingcono kakhulu zomshado wesi-2 oyoke usithole ukuthi uyeke ukuxubha izindaba zokwethenjwa ngaphansi kukakhaphethi bese ubhekana nazo ngqo.
5. Kulungile ukuba sengozini
Uma umshado wakho wokuqala ubunezinxushunxushu, umuzwa wokuba sengozini uyongena ukushiye uqaphile futhi uqaphile ngokuzayo. Ungase ungabaze ukuveza ukwesaba kwakho, imicabango kanye nemizwa engase ibe yingozi. Omunye wemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yomshado wesibili ophumelelayo ukudiliza izindonga okungenzeka uzidalile futhi uvumele umlingani wakho angene.
Lena yindlela kuphela yokuthuthukisa ubudlelwano beqiniso, ngaphandle kwalokho ongeke ukwazi ukuphula ikhodi yokuthi ungenza kanjani umshado wesibili usebenze. Qonda ukuthi kulungile ukuba sengozini. Ungase uthathe isikhathi sakho ukuze ukhululeke emshadweni wesibili. Ungasebenza kancane kancane ekwakheni ukwethembana nokwethembana kumlingani wakho.
Qala ngezinyathelo ezincane njengokuxoxa ngezinto ezincane njengamashejuli, imikhuba, ukudla njll. Okufanelekile, izindaba ezinkulu eziphathelene nezingane noma ezezimali bekufanele zixazululwe kusengaphambili, kodwa uma ungakakwenzi lokho, musa ukujula kuzo ngokushesha. Thatha izinyathelo zomntwana.
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6. Gwema ukuqhathanisa ngazo zonke izindlela
Ingabe lokhu kudinga nokucaciswa? Enye yezinzuzo zomshado wesibili ukuthi unokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho okudlule ongakuthatha kukho. Yingakho imishado yesibili ihamba phambili. Uyazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo kumlingani wakho kanye nobudlelwano ngokujwayelekile. Okubi ukuthi kungase kukuholele ekuqhathaniseni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wabhekana nani emshadweni wakho wokuqala, kuyoba neziqhathaniso ezingenakugwema engqondweni yakho, ikakhulukazi phakathi nezingxabano.
Kungase kube nezimo lapho ungase uzibuze ukuthi lowo owawushade naye ubeyosabela kanjani. Lezi zimbangela azilungile kodwa azinakugwenywa. “Khumbula ukuthi umngane wakho womshado wesibili akafani nowakwakho wokuqala,” kweluleka uDkt. Jenkins.
Kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza mhlawumbe, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ungakwazi ukuhlukanisa ngempela ubudlelwano obubili engqondweni yakho. Lesi iseluleko somshado sesi-2 ngempela ongafunga ngaso sokwakha isibopho esihlala njalo nomlingani wakho omusha wempilo. Yenza konke ongakwenza ukuze uqale ngesileti esihlanzekile kunokuzama ukwakha ubuhlobo obusha emanxiweni abokuqala.
7. Yiba nohlu lwamanani okwabelwana ngawo
Ngokweqiniso, lokhu kuphakathi kwezeluleko zomshado wesibili ezinhle kakhulu ongazithola. Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi amanye amaphuzu empumelelo yobudlelwano ahlala engashintshi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umshado wakho wokuqala noma wesithathu. Amanani okwabelwana ngawo angenye yawo. Lapho ulungiselela umshado wesibili, zibuze wena kanye nomngane wakho womshado ukuthi kungani ungena emshadweni.
Lokhu kuzokunikeza umbono othile kukho kokubili okulindelekile. Imishado yesibili ihamba phambili futhi inamathuba amaningi okuphumelela uma wazi ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nisekhasini elilodwa futhi nabelana ngezindinganiso ezifanayo eziwumongo.
Ukuthobeka kufanele kube yingxenye yalolu hlu, ikakhulukazi ukuthobeka kokushintsha nokufunda emaphutheni obudlelwano bangaphambilini . Futhi, khumbula ukuthi wawunendima okufanele uyidlale emshadweni wakho wangaphambilini, empumelelweni yawo kanye nasekuhlulekeni kwawo. Gxila empumelelweni futhi ulethe lezo zimfanelo kulo mshado wesibili ukuze uphumelele ngempela.
Ingabe imishado yesibili iyaphumelela? Uma uke wabhekana nale nkinga, yazi ukuthi eyakho ingafakwa ohlwini njengenye yezindaba zempumelelo yomshado wesibili uma wena nowakwakho nifunda ukwethembeka ngokuphelele komunye nomunye ekuchazeni lokho enikulindele kanye nombono wenu ngekusasa elihlanganyelwe.
8. Thethelela. Abanye kanye nawe
Enye yezimfihlo ezingaziwa kakhulu kanye neseluleko esihle kakhulu somshado wesibili sokushada kabusha okuphumelelayo ukuzikhulula emagqumeni nasekulimaleni kwesikhathi esidlule. Noma nini lapho umshado uphela, kuba nobuhlungu obungenakugwenywa kanye nobuhlungu kodwa ungakwenzi lokho kube yisisekelo sokwahlulela konke okuzokwenzeka kuwe esikhathini esizayo. Yamukela ukuthi sonke sinamaphutha, okuhlanganisa owakho nowakwakho wangaphambili. Ngaphandle kokuthethelela ubuhlungu obubangelwe kuwe, zama ukuthethelela ukuze uqhubekele phambili ngempela ikakhulukazi uma unethuba lomshado wesibili.
“Futhi zithethelele futhi uzimisele ukuqhubeka,” kusho uDkt. Jenkins, enezela, “Lona umshado wakho wesibili futhi kuzoba nezinto ongaziqhenyi ngazo ngokuyinhloko.
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9. Ungayifihli imininingwane yomshado wakho wokuqala
Olunye ucezu olubalulekile lweseluleko somshado sesi-2 ukuzibophezela ekubeni obala mayelana nesikhathi esedlule. Uma ushaywa okwesibili, isithako esiyisisekelo kufanele kube ukwethembeka. Ungalokothi ufihle imininingwane mayelana noshade naye noma ukuthi yini engahambanga kahle emshadweni wakho wokuqala kumyeni/unkosikazi noma umndeni wabo omusha. Impela, kungase kube nolwazi ongathanda ukungabelani ngalo ngoba usaba ukuthi lungaholela ekuphoxekeni nasezinkingeni.
Kodwa ukugodla ulwazi kungadala inkinga kamuva. Ngokufanayo, uma kungumshado wesibili womlingani wakho omusha, ungangabazi ukumbuza imibuzo ngomshado wokuqala. Ungabuzi imibuzo ngomqondo wokwenza umyeni noma umfazi wangaphambilini abe yisithuko kodwa ukuze wazi ngempela ukuthi yini engahambanga kahle futhi uzame ukugwema ukwenza amaphutha afanayo. Buza imibuzo efanele ngowayengumlingani wakhe.
Yiba nezingxoxo ezivulekile. Yiba sengozini. Bhekana nezinkinga zakho nokwesaba ngokukhululekile. Uma senisabelana ngezimfihlo ezijulile, ezimnyama kakhulu, nakanjani nizophuma niqinile futhi nisondelene kunangaphambili. Yilokhu imishado yesibili ehamba phambili kuyo. Babonakala ngokuvuthwa ngokomzwelo kanye nolwazi lokuthi ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile kuza kuqala.
Uma besingakhetha iseluleko esisodwa nje somshado wesibili esizokunikeza sona, besizokucela ukuthi ungagcini izimfihlo noma wesabe ukuba sengozini okungase kubonise izingxoxo ezithinta inhliziyo.
10. Zinike isikhathi
Uzibuza ukuthi ungawuthola kanjani umshado wesibili ophumelelayo? Esinye sezeluleko ezinhle kakhulu zomshado wesibili esingakunika sona ukuthi uma ungena ebudlelwaneni obusha, ungalindeli izimangaliso ngokushesha. Ungaphathi umshado wakho wesibili njengekhambi lazo zonke izinkinga owabhekana nazo kowokuqala. Ngisho noma usuthandane isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuthatha izifungo futhi, zinike isikhathi sokuthuthuka. Lokhu kusho nokuthi ulungele ukuxazulula izingxabano ezingase zivele ebudlelwaneni obudlule.
Owake waba umngane womshado, izingane, abasekhweni, abangani… konke angeke kwafiswa nje njengoba izinguquko empilweni yakho zibathinta ngezindlela ezahlukene. Yiba nesineke futhi unikeze isikhathi sokuthi yonke into ihlangane kahle. Ngakho-ke, kuyatuseka ukuthi ungagxumeli emshadweni omusha ngaphambi kokuxazulula zonke izingxabano ezingaba khona.
Ngakho-ke, impendulo yokuthi uwenza kanjani umshado wesibili usebenze iwukuthatha izinto kancane, uqinise isibopho sakho nomlingani wakho omusha, wenze wonke umuntu athintwe yilesi sinqumo sempilo ebhodini ngombono ngaphambi kokuba ungene bese uthi, 'Ngiyakwenza'.
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11. Funda ukuyekethisa nokulungisa
Umshado omusha ungaletha izinselele ezintsha. Ngezinye izikhathi, njengoba ukhula, ukuvumelana noma ukulungisa kuba yinselele. Kodwa-ke, noma yiluphi ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo ludinga ukuvumelana, ukuxhumana kanye nokubambisana ukuze buphumelele. Ungabi nenkani kakhulu futhi ufunde ukuyeka ukulawula.
Ungumahluleli ongcono kakhulu walapho ongazinikela khona nalapho udinga ukuma uqine. Khumbula lo mthetho: Noma ibuphi ubuhlobo, kungaba okokuqala noma okweshumi, obudinga ukuthi uxegise ekuzihlonipheni kwakho abukufanele. Kodwa izinguquko ezincane zendlela yokuphila akufanele zikukhathaze kakhulu, ikakhulukazi uma kukhona ukuzimisela engxenyeni yabo bobabili abalingani ukwenza elinye imayela ukuze kusebenze.
Ekugcineni, izithako ezenza noma yimuphi umshado uphumelele ziyafana – ukwethembana, ukubekezelelana, ukuhlekisa, ukuzwelana, ukufanelana futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, uthando. Ungazizwa udangele uma indaba yakho yokuqala ingenaso isiphetho esijabulisayo njalo. Uma nje izithako zilungile, okwesibili kungaba ngumnqobi njalo!
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ucwaningo luveza ukuthi imishado yesibili ayiphumelelanga njengowokuqala ngoba izithandani ziza nomthwalo ongokomzwelo nowokuhlela wowokuqala, kanye nobudlelwano obusha buletha ezabo izinkinga. Nokho, lezi azikwazi ukwenzeka jikelele njengoba indaba ngayinye ihlukile.
Imishado yesibili ingase ibe nzima kakhudlwana njengoba umuntu eseza nesethi ethile yezinto azilindele umshado wakhe wokuqala. Futhi, kungase kube nezinkinga ezingaxazululiwe zomshado wokuqala ezingase zidale ithunzi kolandelayo uma zingakaxazululwanga kusenesikhathi.
Uma umbhangqwana wenza isinqumo esiqondile sokungaphindi amaphutha obuhlobo bawo bokuqala obungaphumelelanga , kungenzeka ukuthi umshado wesibili ujabule futhi uphumelele kakhulu kunowokuqala.
Igama elivame kakhulu elisetshenziswa emshadweni wesibili ukushada kabusha . Kodwa-ke, leli gama aligcini nje kuphela lapho umuntu ebopha ifindo okwesibili kodwa isikhathi ngasinye lapho umuntu enquma ukushada.
Wathi "I-Financial Stress Ibulala Umshado Wami" Samtshela Ukuthi Ayenzeni
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
