Amathiphu angu-11 Okwakha Ubuhlobo Obuphumelelayo Ngemva Kokukopela

Ukungathembeki kuwuphawu, akusona isifo sangempela. Ukungathembeki kuwuphawu ukuthi ubuhlobo bubhidlikile ngandlela-thile. Nakuba wonke umbhangqwana ubhekana nenkinga yobudlelwano ngemva kokukopela, abanye bayahlukana, abanye bakwazi ukuphila. Uma ubambekile, uzibuza ukuthi ungakha kanjani ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo ngemuva kokukopela, silapha ukuze sikusize ngezeluleko zobudlelwano ngemuva kokukopela. Kodwa okokuqala, ake sibheke izinombolo ezibonisa umthelela wokukopela kwabashadile.

Ngokusho kocwaningo olwenziwe yi-Institute of Family Studies, iphesenti lobudlelwano obusebenzayo ngemva kokukopela lingu-23.6% kubantu asebekhulile, abashadile. Abangu-13.6% kuphela abasemibhangqwaneni esemisha esebudlelwaneni obuzinikele abasinda entweni embi kangaka. Isizathu esenza imibhangqwana esikhulile, okungukuthi imibhangqwana engaphezu kweminyaka engu-40 ubudala, yayisikulungele kangcono ukwakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela yikhono layo lokuyekethisa nokuzwelana. Ubuhlobo babo buhlale isikhathi eside futhi iphutha nje alikwazi ukususa zonke izinto ezinhle asebenazo kakade.

Kodwa imibhangqwana eseminyakeni yawo-20 ayihlali isikhathi eside ingathembeki njengoba ingakathembeki komunye nomunye ngokomzwelo futhi inezinketho eziningi ezivulekile. Imibhangqwana eseminyakeni yawo-30 iyona demography yangempela eshintshashintshayo futhi ingakumangaza ngendlela esabela ngayo. Uma ubulokhu uzibuza ukuthi ungayakha kabusha yini ubudlelwano bakho ngemva kokukhaphela ukwethenjwa komlingani wakho, izibalo ngephesenti lobudlelwano obusebenza ngemva kokukopela ziyakhuthaza impela. Silapha ukuzokusiza uqonde ukuthi ungavuselela kanjani ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela ngemibono evela kusosayensi wengqondo uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile ku-CBT, REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana.

Ukuqhubekela phambili Ndawonye Ngemva Kokungathembeki

Ukukhohliswa ngokungangabazeki kuzozwa sengathi umhlaba wakho uphahlazeka eduze kwakho. Imibuzo efana nokuthi ukubuyisela kanjani ukwethemba ebudlelwaneni ingase igijime emqondweni wakho, bese ibuyisa imibuzo eminingi kunezimpendulo. Nomaphi lapho ubheka khona, uzotshelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo ngemuva kokukopela abukho, kodwa silapha ukuzokutshela ngenye indlela.

Uma umlingani wakho noma uzimisele ngempela ukukwenza ngemuva kokukopela, asikho isizathu sokuthi kungani kungeke kusebenze. Kuzoba uhambo olude, olunzima kodwa ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni ngemuva kokukopela akuyona into engenakwenzeka. Uma konke ocabanga ngakho ukuthi umshado wakho uzoba kanjani ngemva kokukopela, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ekugcineni unquma indlela umshado wakho oyithathayo. Kuzoba nezithiyo kanye nokungabaza okumele kunqobe kodwa umzamo ozinzile futhi ozinzile ovela kubo bobabili abalingani ungahumushela ekuthuthukisweni okukhulu ekwakheni kabusha ubudlelwano obuyimpumelelo ngemuva kokukopela.

Uma ukwethembana sekuphelile, kunzima ukwakha kabusha ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela. Ukwethembana kuyinkinga ebudlelwaneni obusho inhlekelele, uma singasho kanjalo. Isihluthulelo ukuqhubeka ndawonye ngemva kokungathembeki futhi singacabangi njengabantu ngabanye. Kudingeka inani elithile lokuzidela kanye nokuvumelana ukuze imibhangqwana yakhe ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela. Uma ningakwazi ukubeka uthando ngaphambi kokuzibona ninodwa noma umuzwa wecala, yilapho kuphela lapho ubudlelwano bungase bubuyele esimeni esijwayelekile ngemva kokukopela.

“Ngikhohlisile kodwa ngifuna ukusindisa ubudlelwano bami ngaphandle kokuthi angazi ukuthi ngingawuqeda kanjani lo mshado futhi ngixhumane nomlingani wami,” kusho uJoshua, ngemuva kokuba ubuhlobo bakhe nomuntu engisebenza naye buvele obala, kwalandela isikhathi eside sokuthula okubandayo phakathi kwakhe nomlingani wakhe. UNandita uchaza ukuthi lesi simo sivame kakhulu phakathi kwemibhangqwana ezama ukudlula ukuwohloka kokungathembeki ebuhlotsheni bayo.

“Umuzwa wokungakhululeki awuvamile lapho umbhangqwana uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani nobuhlobo ngemva kokukopela noma ngisho nalapho usanda kuvumelana neqiniso lokuthi kuyephuliwe umgomo oyisisekelo wokwethembana nokwethembeka.” Lokhu kungezwani ngokuvamile kubangelwa izithikamezo ezingokwengqondo eziphazamisa isibopho sombhangqwana esingokomzwelo, ukuxhumana kwengqondo nokusondelana ngokobulili.

"Ukuze ukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela, kubalulekile ukubhekana nesiyaluyalu sangaphakathi kanye nemizwelo engakhululekile kokubili umkhohlisi kanye nomlingani oye wakhohliswa." Kulapho usuthuthuke khona ekubuyiseleni emuva ekuziphatheni kokungathembeki lapho usungaze ucabange ngokunikeza ubudlelwano obusha empilweni," esho.

Ngezinye izikhathi ukuze wakhe kabusha ukwethembana futhi usindise ubudlelwano bakho busengcupheni, udinga usizo lomuntu wesithathu. Yilapho-ke ukwelulekwa kungakusiza khona. Uma ubulokhu unenkinga yokuthola ukuthi ungayenza kanjani ubuhlobo busebenze ngemva kokukopela futhi ufuna usizo, abeluleki abanekhono nabaqinisekisiwe kuphaneli likaBonoboloy balapha ukukusiza.

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Amathiphu angu-11 Okwakha Ubuhlobo Obuphumelelayo Ngemva Kokukopela

U-Amy, uthisha wesayensi yezinto eziphilayo esikoleni esiphakeme, wazizwa enesizungu ngokwengeziwe ebuhlotsheni bakhe ngemva kokuba umyeni wakhe uMark kudingeke afudukele eCanada ukuze athole isabelo somsebenzi esizothatha unyaka wonke. Njengoba ukuthutha kwakuyosho ukuthi u-Amy wayeka umsebenzi wakhe ozinzile futhi izingane zixoshwe, banquma ukuzama umshado ohamba kude. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva, umzwangedwa waba ngcono ku-Amy futhi wafinyelela kumuntu wakudala ngokuthanda kwakhe. Enye into yaholela kokunye futhi ubuhlobo obugcwele babamba.

Lapho uMark ethola ukuthi u-Amy wayemkhohlisa, umshado wabo wawusukile. Njengoba uMark andisa ukuhlala kwakhe eCanada, u-Amy waqaphela ukuthi umshado wakhe wawubaluleke kangakanani kuye. “Ngakopela kodwa ngifuna ukusindisa ubudlelwano bami,” wazithola esecabanga kaningi. Welula isandla wancenga uMark ukuthi amnike elinye ithuba. Unyaka ongu-1 ngemva kokungathembeki kwavela, uMarku ekugcineni wabuyela ekhaya futhi manje basekwelashweni kwemibhangqwana ukuze bathole indlela yokwenza ubuhlobo busebenze ngemva kokukopela.

Izindaba ezinjalo zobudlelwano obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela zizokusiza ukukukhuthaza futhi zikwenze ukholelwe ukuthi akunakwenzeka. Kodwa-ke, ukufunda nje amathiphu okuphumelela kobudlelwano ngeke kwenze lutho ngokwako. Bobabili abalingani kudingeka bazimisele ukusebenzisa amathiphu ngokucophelela. Iseluleko sethu sobudlelwano ngemva kokukopela ukuthi sizame ukwakha ubuhlobo obunempilo futhi. Uma kukhona uthando, ubuhlobo bungasinda ekungathembekini kodwa udinga ukusebenza ebudlelwaneni bakho.

Uma ukhuluma kuphela ngesibonelo sokungathembeki, awukwazi ukuqhubekela phambili esixazululweni. Nawa amanye amathiphu azokwenza kube inqubo ebushelelezi, futhi kufanele ukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela. Sibala amathiphu amahlanu kulowo oqoliwe kanye namahlanu kulowo oqhathiwe. Ithiphu yokugcina ukuthi nobabili njengombhangqwana wakhe kabusha ubuhlobo benu ngemva kokukopela.

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Kumuntu Ongakholwayo - Ukubuyisela Ithemba Kubalulekile

Abantu bayakopela ngazo zonke izinhlobo zezizathu, futhi kaningi, isenzo sokukopela sihlobene kakhulu nemithwalo yemizwa kanye nesitayela sokunamathela somuntu okopelayo kunendlela ababheka ngayo umlingani wabo kanye nobuhlobo babo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, uma injabulo yobudlelwano bomshoshaphansi isiphelile futhi ubuhlobo bakho obuyinhloko busengozini, ungase uchithe isikhathi esiningi ucabanga, “Ngikopela kodwa ngifuna ukusindisa ubuhlobo bami. Ukube nje bengazi ukuthi ngingabulungisa kanjani ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela nokuqamba amanga.”

UNandita uthi, "Ngenxa nje yokuthi umuntu ukhohlise umlingani wakhe, kungaba wukungathembeki ngokocansi noma ngokomzwelo, akudingekile ukuba kube ukuphela kobudlelwane. Uma ubuhlobo busekelwe esisekelweni esiqinile futhi bunazo zonke izici eziyisisekelo, bungasebenza futhi buguquke ngisho nangemva kwesiphambeko esikhulu njengokungathembeki. Kukhona ithuba langempela lokwakha ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo nomzamo wokwakha kokubili umlingani ophumelelayo uma ubudlelwano bokusebenza buphumelelayo."

Ngakho-ke, kanjani ukulungisa ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela uma uwena owakopela? Isisekelo esiqinile nomzamo amagama angukhiye lapha. Futhi umlingani okhohlisayo, isabelo sengonyama somsebenzi sizowela emahlombe akho. Uma uzimisele ukuhamba ibanga elide, amathiphu alandelayo kufanele akusize uthole ukuthi ungabuvuselela kanjani ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela:

1. Xolisa

Ukuze wakhe kabusha ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela, into yokuqala umuntu okumele ayenze ukuxolisa. Awukwazi ukubeka umkhawulo wokuthi kufanele uxolise kangaki, lokho kungokwalowo oqokelwe ngumlingani wakho. Kanye noma kabili akwanele. Udinga ukuxolisa kumlingani wakho njengoba kuthatha izikhathi eziningi ukuze akholelwe ukuthi ukwenza ngokusuka enhliziyweni.

Uma usuhlukumeze umuntu osondelene nawe kuzothatha isikhathi nokusebenza kanzima ukuze uvuselele ukuzethemba futhi. Ngakho-ke yiba qotho futhi uvame ukuxolisa. Kodwa-ke, uma umlingani wakho ekwenza uxolise nsuku zonke isikhathi esingapheli, kungase kusho ukuthi ngeke nje akuxolele, okuwuphawu olukhathazayo.

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani nobudlelwano ngemuva kokukopela, khumbula ukuthi isinqumo angeke kube ngesakho wedwa. Ungaxolisa ngeziphambeko zakho, qinisekisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ngeke uphinde wehle kulowo mgwaqo, futhi uvumele ukuzisola kubonakale ngezenzo zakho, isinqumo sokuthi niyaxolelana futhi nihlale ndawonye noma niqhubeke ngezindlela ezihlukene sincike kumlingani wakho. Kufanele wamukele ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ufuna ngokuphelelwa yithemba kanjani ukwakha kabusha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela.

2. Vuma icala

Ukuxolisa nje ngeke kusize. Udinga ukubhekana nomculo ngokutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi kwenzekeni. Kungase kudingeke ukuthi uzame izikhathi eziningana, njengoba umlingani wakho angase ahlangabezane nentukuthelo nentukuthelo lapho ungena emininingwaneni. Lokho ngaphandle uma umlingani wakho enqaba ukulalela futhi ekhetha ukuphika. Esikhundleni sokuvumela umlingani wakho aphile ngokuphika, zama ukumenza axoxe nawe.

Ukuze wakhe ubudlelwano obuhle ngemva kokukopela, ukwethembeka okuphelele kuyadingeka. Kuphela uma ubeka imininingwane etafuleni lapho umlingani wakho angayeka ukucabanga ngenguqulo eqisiwe ekhanda lakhe. Futhi cha, akukhona ngezizathu ozenzayo zokukopela ukuze uthethelele yonke into. Ubuhlobo bakho ngemva kokukopela, okungenani isikhashana, bungase bubukeke njengenhlanganisela yokulwa, ukuphika, nokukhala okuningi. Kodwa yileyo nje intengo okufanele uyikhokhe uma ufuna ukusebenza ebudlelwaneni ngemva kokukopela.

Nokho, lapho uvuma icala futhi wamukela ububi bakho, kubalulekile ukuthi ungabi nonya kakhulu kuwe. Umuzwa wecala ungashesha uvumele ukuzinyanya, okungase kube nemiphumela yako eminingi empilweni yakho yengqondo. Ukuze kufezwe lokho, uNandita uyeluleka, “Impendulo yokuthi ungabulungisa kanjani ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela nokuqamba amanga ingase ilale lapho uzihlola, okungakusiza uthole ukuthi yini eyayingalungile kakhulu ngobuhlobo bakho okwaholela ekukopeleni.

“Ukuze ukwazi ukwenza lokho ngendlela efanele, udinga ingqondo ezolile, yingakho kubalulekile ukuthi ungazihlukumezi kakhulu. Kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa unecala lapho ukhohlisa umuntu othandana naye kodwa ungakuvumeli lokho kuba necala phezu kwazo zonke izici zokuphila kwakho. Yiba nomusa kuwe futhi uzinike isikhathi osidingayo ukuze uthole izimpendulo ezizokuholela kumsuka wokungathembeki.”

3. Yiba obala

Yiba sobala ngezinhloso zakho: ukuthi ufuna ngempela ukuba kulobu budlelwano noma ingabe kuyisibonakaliso sokuthi ufuna ukuqhubeka nempilo. Uma uzohlala, khona-ke kufanele uvume kumlingani wakho ukuthi kungani ukhohlise kwasekuqaleni. Yini eyayinganelisi ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe ubufuna okuthile okwakungekho kulobu budlelwano?

Isikhathi osithathayo ukuze uzihlole sizokusiza ukuthi uthole impendulo oyidingayo ukuze uzijwayeze ukwethembeka okuphelele nokungafihli ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ngaphambi kokuthi ungene kanjani ukwenza ubuhlobo busebenze ngemva kokukopela, udinga ukuthola ukuthi kungani ufuna ukwakha ubuhlobo bakho kusukela phansi kuya phezulu ngemva kokukopela umlingani wakho. Udinga ukwethembeka kuwe futhi obala nomlingani wakho ukuze ukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela.

Kulolu hlelo, kubalulekile ukubhekana nemibuzo efana nalena: Iluphi ushintsho ongeke ukwazi ukubhekana nalo oluholele esenzweni esinjalo? Ubucabangani ngesikhathi ukhetha ukukopela umlingani wakho? Yini ongayenza ukuze uvimbele esinye isiqephu sokukopela? Ngaphandle kokubeka izinto obala, bekungeke kube khona inqubekela phambili. Ukuze wakhe kabusha ubuhlobo obunempilo ngemva kokukopela, ukubeka izinto obala kuyisihluthulelo.

4. Ukudela inkululeko

Inkululeko iyilungelo ongeke ulithathe kalula. Njenganoma yiliphi ilungelo, lihambisana nezindinganiso ezithile. Kodwa manje njengoba usulisebenzise kabi ilungelo lakho, sekuyisikhathi sokudela inkululeko yakho ukuze ululame futhi wakhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni . Vula ifoni yakho, wabelane ngamaphasiwedi akho, njalo njalo. Okubaluleke kakhulu, ungakhonondi ngokwenza lezi zinto.

Lezi zinyathelo zingase zibonakale zinzima, kodwa ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela abubukeki njengobudlelwane obuvamile. Ukuze wenze lokhu ngemva kokukopela, kungase kube nezinto ezithile okufanele uzidele. Futhi awukwazi ukubeka umugqa wesikhathi ukuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukuthi umlingani wakho akwethembe ngokwanele ukuze izinto zibuyele endleleni ebeziyiyo. Eqinisweni, maningi amathuba okuthi ubudlelwano benu bungaphinde bubuyele kulokho obabuyikho.

Ngakho-ke, ungadikibali ngemicabango efana nokuthi “Umlingani wami wangibuza ukuthi ngikuphi ngisho nonyaka o-1 ngemva kokungathembeki, mhlawumbe ngeke aphinde angithembe.” Isihluthulelo sokwakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela ukwamukela ukuthi i-equation yakho ingase ingaphinde ibuyele esimweni sayo sangaphambi kokukopela. Nokho, lokho akuyona into embi ngempela. Mhlawumbe, lokhu kuzokunikeza ithuba lokulungisa izinkinga obungazinaki isikhathi eside futhi ziguquke njengombhangqwana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungase kusho ukuhlala nokungamethembi umlingani wakho.

5. Inike isikhathi esengeziwe

Bathi, isikhathi siphulukisa yonke into, kodwa akukhona ngaphandle komzamo. Udinga ukunikeza umlingani wakho isikhathi sokuphulukisa ekulimaleni okudalile. Ubuhlungu benza abantu bangaboni futhi baziphindiselele. Kodwa uma umlingani wakho ekhetha ukuhlala, khona-ke wenza okuncane ngobudlelwano, manje sekuyithuba lakho.

Uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Ungabuyisa kanjani ukwethemba ebudlelwaneni”, kuzokwenzeka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngeshwa, akuyona into ongayijaha. Ngakho-ke, zilungiselele ukunikeza umlingani wakho isikhathi esiningi njengoba kudingeka asebenze ngokusebenzisa imizwa yobuhlungu, yokulimala, nokukhashelwa ukuze afinyelele iphuzu lapho angakwazi ngisho nokucabangela ukuthi kungenzeka yini ukwakha kabusha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela engxenyeni yakho.

Okwesisulu - Ukuthembela Futhi

Indlela yokwenza ubuhlobo busebenze ngemva kokukopela? Lo mbuzo ungaba nomqondo ohluke ngokuphelele kumlingani okhohliswe, futhi ngokwemvelo, inqubo yokwakha kabusha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela ihlukile futhi. Okokuqala, ukusebenza ebudlelwaneni ngemuva kokukopela, umuntu okhohlisiwe kufanele akholwe kukho.

U-Nandita uthi, “Ukuthola indlela yokuvuselela ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela, lapho uwena oye wakhohliswa akulula. Uzobhekana nenqwaba yemizwa, kusukela entukuthelweni kuya ekucasukeni, ukudabuka, usizi, ngisho nomuzwa wecala.

"Lena inqubo yokuzibamba ezobeka izinto eziningi endaweni efanele. Zinike isikhathi sokuphumula ebuhlotsheni bakho ukuze uxazulule le mizwa. Ngaphandle kwalokho, yonke le mizwa evalelwe izothola indlela yokuphuma ngokuthethisa umlingani wakho. Kule nqubo, ningagcina nisho izinto ezibuhlungu ezingaphazamisa amathuba okuhlala ndawonye nokuphulukiswa njengombhangqwana."

Indlela yokuqhubekela phambili ebuhlotsheni ngemva kokukopela kungase kubonakale kuyithemba elinzima lapho ulimele ngokwedlulele futhi ungakwazi ukwethemba kodwa ungadlula kulesi sigaba uma uzulazula esimweni ngendlela efanele. Amathiphu alandelayo empumelelo yobudlelwano kufanele akusize uma uzithola uyisisulu sokukopela esineshwa:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinyathelo Eziyi-8 Zokuthethelela Ngokuphelele Umuntu Okhohlisiwe

6. Kwamukele ukuxolisa

Impendulo yendlela yokuvuselela ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela amanga ukukwazi ukuthethelela umlingani wakho ngesiphambeko sabo, shiya okwedlule ngemuva futhi ugxile ekuguquleni iqabunga elisha ebuhlotsheni bakho. Siyazi ukuthi kuzwakala sengathi ukuxolisa akulutho ngemuva kobuhlungu obuzwiswe wumlingani wakho kodwa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala. Yindawo yakho ukusho ukuthi ukuxolisa kuzwakala kuyiqiniso noma cha.

Thatha isikhathi sakho, ungajahi, futhi wamukele uxolo kuphela uma ithumbu lakho lithi luyiqiniso. Akuwona umsebenzi wakho ukwenza umlingani wakho wokukopela akhululeke kulesi simo. Kodwa uma ukhetha ukuthethelela nokwethemba, qiniseka ukuthi ukwenza ngokusuka enhliziyweni futhi ubheke ngalé kwesithunzi sokukhohliswa. Lesi iseluleko sethu sobudlelwano esibaluleke kakhulu kuwena ngemuva kokukopela okucishe kube yingozi enkulu kubhondi yakho.

7. Vuleka

Vula umbono wokuthi umlingani wakho angashintsha. Kumele kube nzima ukukwamukela lokho njengamanje kodwa ukukhetha ukuhlala kusho ukuvuleleka emcabangweni woshintsho. Izinto ngeke zibuyele njengoba zazinjalo phambilini kodwa uma uvulekile futhi wamukela okuzayo, uzofika kokujwayelekile okusha. Lokhu kuzophinde kuphawule ukuqala kobudlelwano obunempilo.

Uma sikhuluma ngokuvuleleka, kubalulekile futhi ukuthi uphumele obala futhi uthembeke kumlingani wakho mayelana nesimo sakho semizwa kanye nendlela ozizwa ngayo ngezenzo zakhe. “Ngaphandle uma bobabili abalingani bethembekile kubo futhi komunye nomunye, abakwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ubudlelwano babo bushaywe umbani wokungathembeki nokuthi yiziphi izici zobudlelwano babo okufanele basebenze kuzo ukuze baqinisekise ukuthi abuphinde.

“Kuphela uma nithembekile futhi nikhuluma iqiniso komunye nomunye ngemizwa yenu nokuthi yini eniyibona njengezinkinga zobudlelwano ezibaluleke kakhulu lapho ningaqala khona ukwenza noma iyiphi intuthuko yokwakha kabusha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela,” kusho uNandita. Kuwe njengomlingani okopelayo, lokho kusho ukubuza imibuzo efanele kumlingani wakho ongathembekile , ukukhuluma kakhulu ngemizwa yakho nokwamukela eyabo.

8. I-Introspect yokwakha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela

Njengoba sishilo ngaphambili, ukungathembeki kuyisibonakaliso nje, hhayi isifo. Udinga ukubheka imifantu evele ebudlelwaneni ngaphambi kokuba kwenzeke ukungethembeki. Akumelwe neze ubekwe icala ngokungathembeki komlingani wakho; lokho kuyisibopho sakhe ngokuphelele. Futhi akudingeki uzizwe unecala ngeziphambeko zakhe.

Kodwa udinga ukudalula izizathu ezenze ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho nokuxhumana kubhuntshile kangangokuthi awuzange uphawule noshintsho ekuziphatheni komlingani wakho. Ngabe zikhona yini izidingo ezingafezeki ezaphusha umlingani wakho endleleni yokungathembeki? Ingabe ukusondelana ngokomzwelo kuthintekile ebudlelwaneni bakho nangaphambi kokuba umlingani wakho akhohlise? Ingabe nobabili nibeke ubuhlobo benu ku-backburner ngokungaqondile njengoba nigxile emisebenzini yenu yasekhaya neyomsebenzi? Ingabe zikhona izinkinga ezingaxazululiwe ezinihlukanise?

Izimpendulo zale mibuzo zizokusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthi yini eyandise igebe phakathi kwakho nophathina wakho ngokwanele ukuthi ingxenye yesithathu ingene kuzibalo zakho. Asikwazi ukuphinda ngokwanele ukuthi lokhu akusho ukuthi unesibopho ngandlela thize ngezenzo nezinqumo zozakwenu. Kodwa-ke, ukuthola izinkinga eziyinhloko kungakusiza uzikhiphe futhi ukhohlise ubudlelwano bakho buqhubekela phambili.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-5 Eziqinisekile Zokuthi Umlingani Wakho Uyakukhohlisa – Ungazinaki Lezi!

9. Dedela ubugovu

Ubuhlungu obudalwa wukungethembeki buvela embonweni ofihlekile wokuba nempahla okwenza uzizwe sengathi umlingani wakho uyimpahla yakho. Kodwa uyazi, akunjalo. Uma ukhathazekile ngokuthi abanye bazocabangani ngawe lapho bethola ukuthi umlingani wakho wakhohlisiwe, kufanele uzikhumbuze ukuthi imibono yabanye ayinandaba.

Iseluleko sethu sobudlelwano ngemva kokukopela sizoba nje ukucabanga ngani nobabili. Kuyinkinga phakathi kwenu nobabili futhi isixazululo singavela ngaphakathi kini. Ningavumeli umphakathi ubeke ibanga phakathi kwenu uma nizama ukukulungisa phakathi kwenu. Ungabambeli isiphambeko somlingani wakho njengenkemba phezu kwekhanda lakhe.

Uma ngisho nangemva konyaka owodwa ngemva kokungathembeki noma ngaphezulu, uveza iqiniso lokuthi bakukhohlisa kuzo zonke izimpi noma basebenzise lokho ukuze bathole okufunayo, khona-ke usebenzisa ukukhohlisa, okungaba yingozi njengokwephula ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni. Uma kunjalo, udinga ukuhlala phansi ucabange ukuthi uyafuna ngempela yini ukusindisa lobu budlelwano noma unqume ukuhlala ngoba ukuqhubeka nokuphila kuyindlela eyesabekayo. Kubalulekile ukugwema amaphutha anjalo okubuyisana ngemva kokungathembeki uma ufuna ukunika ubudlelwano bakho ithuba lokulwa lokusinda.

10. Yiba nokuqonda okwengeziwe

Uma umlingani wakho enza umzamo wangempela wokuqeda le nkinga futhi ahlale nawe, kufanele wazi ukuthi ubaluleke kangakanani kumlingani wakho. Manje sekuyithuba lakho lokweseka. Siyazi ukuthi ukhohlisiwe kodwa ungakuvumeli lokho konakalise zonke ezinye izinto ezinhle eninazo phakathi kwenu. Kunalokho, ubamba iqhaza ekusizeni ukwakha kabusha isisekelo sokwethembana ebudlelwaneni ngokuba nokwazisa ngemizamo umlingani wakho angase ayenze ukuze alungise umonakalo futhi asondele ohlelweni lokuvuselela isibopho sakho endaweni yozwelo.

“Uzwela lungasiza kakhulu ekukusizeni ukuthi uqhubeke kanjani nobudlelwano ngemva kokukopela. Zama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho enze lokho akwenzile futhi ukholwe yilokho akutshela kona. Futhi, yiba nokholo lokuthi nobabili nizibophezele ekwakheni kabusha ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo ngemva kokukopela. Uma imizamo yabo isikukholisa ukuthi bayazisola, kuzolandela ukuthethelelana ebuhlotsheni ,” kusho uNandita.

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Akekho kini ongaphula imfihlakalo yokuthi ungalungisa kanjani ubudlelwano ngemva kokukopela nokuqamba amanga wedwa. Ukwakha kabusha ubudlelwano ngemva kokuba buhlukunyezwe njengokungathembeki kudinga ukuzibophezela kanye nomzamo ohlanganyelwe. Ngaphandle kwezinto okudingeka nizenze nobabili ngabanye ukuze nidlule ezigabeni ezahlukene zokululama kokungathembeki , kudingeka futhi nisebenze njengeqembu ukuze niqinise isibopho senu. Nansi into ebaluleke kakhulu okudingeka niyikhumbule ukuze nikwazi ukwenza kanjalo:

11. Beka imingcele eqondile

Ubudlelwano bonke kufanele bube nemingcele kodwa kuba yinto ebaluleke kakhulu lapho umbhangqwana ululama ekuhluphekeni kokukopela futhi uzama ukuvuselela isibopho sawo. Indlela yokuqala yokusebenza kuleso simo kufanele kube ukuchazelana ukuthi yini oyicabanga ngempela ngokukopela. Kwabanye, kungaba ukuthandana nomuntu osebenza naye kodwa kwabanye kungaba ukulala nomunye umuntu. Uma usuvele uxoxe ngalezi zinto, amathuba okuphambuka ancipha kakhulu.

Nobabili kufanele niqonde imikhawulo eningakwazi ukuyihlola. Kubalulekile ngokulinganayo ukuqinisa le mingcele uma kudingeka. Isibonelo, uma ukuthandana kozakwenu kuqale ngokuchitha isikhathi esiningi uxoxa nomuntu osebenza naye noma umngani, awudingi nje ukubeka umngcele ngokumtshela ukuthi ukuphinda le phethini akwamukelekile kodwa futhi ukuqinise uma ubathola bewela umugqa futhi. Ngakho-ke, uma umlingani wakho eqala ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi ocingweni lwakhe, mkhumbuze ngobumnene ukuthi uvumile ukuthi uzogwema lo mthambeko oshelelayo ukuze lobu budlelwano busebenze.

Njengoba kungenzeka ukuthi ubonile, azikho izimpendulo ezilula noma izinqamuleli zokuthi ungabuvuselela kanjani ubuhlobo ngemva kokukopela. Kodwa-ke, yonke le mizamo nokuzibophezela ekwenzeni izinguquko ezinhle izokufanelekela isikhathi sakho uma umthanda ngokweqiniso umlingani wakho futhi ubazisa ubudlelwano bakho. Imibhangqwana esinda ekungathembeki iphuma inamandla kunakuqala. Ukwakha kabusha ukwethemba kuqinile futhi akukho okungangena phakathi kwenu nobabili futhi. Kusukela kuleli qophelo kuqhubeke kuqala isahluko esisha empilweni yakho ongangeni kuso ngobumpumputhe.

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