Ukuba Umfazi Wesibili: Izinselelo Eziyi-9 Okufanele Uzilungiselele

Umshado uza nezinselelo zawo okokuqala ngqa, kodwa ukuba unkosikazi wesibili kuza nezinkinga ezihlukile okumele ubhekane nazo futhi uzilungiselele. Njengonkosikazi wesibili, udinga ukubhekana nomshado unodebe oluqinile lwangaphezulu kanye nomuzwa wokuhlekisa. Ngokunokwenzeka, kuzoba nomuntu owayeshade naye ozobhekana naye, izingane zokutholwa ezizowina, kanye nenqwaba ye-syndrome yomfazi wesibili okufanele azulazule.

Ngokombiko othile cwaningo yi-Pew Research Center, ngo-2013, u-64% wamadoda afanelekayo kanye no-52% wabesifazane abafanelekile baphinde bashada e-US. Ngakho uma ukuba inkosikazi yesibili yomuntu wakho kuye kwaba yinto ebuhlungu kuwe, thola induduzo ngokwazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Abanye abaningi bazulazula ngezinselele ezifanayo, futhi lokho kufanele kukunikeze ithemba lokuthi akuyona into engenakuxazululeka njengoba kungase kubonakale.

Nakuba kunezinzuzo ezithile zokuba unkosikazi wesibili (ngethemba ukuthi owakwakho usekhiphe iningi lezinto zakhe ezinhlelweni zakhe manje!), ngeke kube umshado wakho osuphelile. Ukuqhathaniswa komfazi wokuqala vs umfazi wesibili kungase kubonakale kungenakugwema, kokubili engqondweni yakho neyomngane wakho womshado. Uma kunezingane zomshado wokuqala womngane wakho womshado esithombeni, lezi ziqhathaniso zingandisa kakhulu.

Uyazi ukuthi yini, zonke izimo ezimbi zinokuthile okuhle ngakho futhi kanjalo nokubhekana nezindaba eziphazamisayo zomfazi wesibili. Hlala nathi kuze kube sekupheleni ukuze ubone umugqa osiliva. Kranti Sihotra Momin, uchwepheshe we-CBT onolwazi oneziqu ze-Master's psychology kanye nokufunda okukhethekile kwezengqondo yezokwelashwa, unikeza ukuqonda ngalokho okufanele uzilungiselele lapho ungena endimeni yokuba unkosikazi wesibili.

I-Second Wife Syndrome? 

Yebo, ukucindezeleka okungokomzwelo kwezinselele zokuqalisa inguquko yomshado nendoda eyake yaba khona ngokusobala kuvamile kangangokuthi kunegama layo—isifo somfazi wesibili. Futhi yini i-syndrome yomfazi wesibili? Isenzakalo esingokwengqondo lapho owesifazane oshada nendoda eshade nomunye umuntu ngaphambi kokuba ahlangane imizwa yokungazethembi, ukungafaneleki, nokucasuka. Le mizwa engakhululekile ivame ukuvela ngoba, 

• Angase azithole eziqhathanisa nenkosikazi yokuqala
• Ugcina esezizwa engowesibili kunkosikazi wakhe wakudala 
• Akabi nomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakhe uyakwazisa noma ukubeka phambili 
• Angase azizwe edlula ifa lomshado wangaphambili 
• Ukubhekana nobunzima bezingane zokutholwa kanye nemithwalo engokomzwelo kubonakala kungaphezu kwamandla

Kufanele uqonde ukuthi, ngokungafani nemishado yokuqala, imishado yesibili ivame ukuza nokushintshashintsha komkhaya okukhona ngaphambili, izibopho zezimali ezifana ne-alimony nokondla izingane, nemithwalo engokomzwelo engaxazululeki, konke okungaba nomthelela kule mizwa yokungazethembi, isikhwele, nokucasuka kunkosikazi wesibili. Angase abhekane nobunzima bokuzizwa njengomuntu wangaphandle emkhayeni oyingxubevange, ikakhulukazi uma izingane zomyeni wakhe zimelana nokuba khona kwakhe noma uma lowo owayengunkosikazi ehlala ehileleke kakhulu. Angase futhi abe nomuzwa wokuncintisana nenkosikazi yokuqala, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngokwezinkumbulo zesikhathi esidlule, izitayela zokukhulisa izingane, noma ngisho nendlela abonwa ngayo abasekhweni lakhe. 

Bese kuba nezinkinga ezingokwezimali ezingase ziqhubekisele phambili ubunzima ebuhlotsheni, njengoba ingxenye enkulu yeholo ingase iye ekusekeleni umkhaya wokuqala. Ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo bungase bukhungathekise, bubangele ukuzithanda, ukukhungatheka, futhi kwezinye izimo, ukucasukela umyeni. Uma zingaxazululwa, lezi zinkinga ezixakile zingadala izinkinga ezingathi sína zempilo yengqondo njengokucindezeleka konkosikazi wesibili. 

UKranti uphakamisa ukuthi izinselele zokuba umzali oyedwa, izindaba zomthetho nezezimali, imbangela yangaphambili kanye nokukhathala okungokomzwelo okubangelwa iziqhathaniso, imizwa yokungazethembi nomhawu, kanye nokuba yinkimbinkimbi. Amandla omndeni ahlanganisiwe zonke ziyizinkinga ezivamile zomshado wesibili kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi lezi azidingi ukulungiswa ngokushesha nangendlela efanele. Uphakamisa izindlela ezilandelayo zokubhekana nalezi zinselele ngaphandle kokuvumela i-syndrome yomfazi wesibili ithinte impilo yomzwelo yowesifazane kanye nobudlelwano bakhe nomyeni wakhe:

• Prakthiza ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile nokwethembeka
• Misa imingcele ecacile ukuze uzulazule ku-dynamics eyinkimbinkimbi nezingane zokutholwa kanye nowayengunkosikazi 
• Dala amasiko amasha nemikhuba ukuze ukhuthaze umuzwa wokuba ngowabanye
• Funa usizo lochwepheshe noma ujoyine amaqembu okusekela ukuze uthole imindeni ehlanganisiwe ukuze udlule ezinkingeni zamazinyo zokuqala 
• Sondela ku-dynamics yobudlelwano ngokubekezela nokuqina

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Yibuphi Ububi bokuba Umfazi Wesibili?

Konke lokho kukhuluma nge-syndrome yomfazi wesibili kungenza kubonakale sengathi ukwehlela ngale ndlela kusho ukubhalisela impilo yonke yezinkinga nezinselelo zomshado wesibili. Nokho, akunjalo. Uma unesiqiniseko sokuthi umlingani wakho uyena ofuna ukuchitha impilo yakho yonke naye, zonke izinto ezicasulayo nezinselele ziba okwesibili. Akungathi ngeke kube nezinselelo endleleni uma ugcina usunomuntu ongakaze ashade. Sesikushilo lokho, udinga ukungena kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano besikhathi eside namehlo akho avuleke futhi wazi ngokugcwele ukuthi ubhalisela ini.   

Umfundi wethu u-Chloe wabelana ngendaba yakhe yokushada nendoda ehlukanisile kusukela eNew Orleans. Uthi, “Eminyakeni embalwa yokuqala yomshado wethu, ngangizwa amazwi amahlebeza futhi ngizwe wonke amehlo ebheke kimi njalo lapho ngiya ndawana thize nomyeni wami, ngangicabanga abantu bengihleka bethi, “Nangu unkosikazi wesibili.” Ezinye zezihlobo ezindala zazivame ukuluma ulimi ngaphambi kokuba zicishe zingibize ngegama lomkakhe wangaphambili. umshado wesibili imayelana nabantu ababili abazimisele ukufunda kodlule futhi baphile ndawonye ngenjabulo konke ukuphila kwabo konke.” 

Manje indaba kaChloe yayihluke kancane ngoba umyeni wakhe wayenephesenti elikhulu kulo mshado. Futhi wenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukwenza ukungena endimeni yenkosikazi yesibili kube lula kuye. Kodwa uma indoda eshadayo inesiphithiphithi esingokomzwelo, isalokhu imile ukuxhumana nonkosikazi wakhe wakudala, noma uphukile ngokwezimali ngemva kwesehlukaniso, kungase kungabi lula kuwe. Nazi ezinye izinselelo ongase ubhekane nazo endleleni: 

• Angase angafuni ubukhazikhazi emshadweni wesibili obukuphuca iphupho lakho lokuhamba e-Donna Karan.
• Angawugxeka kakhulu umbono wothando lwaphakade nokuba ndawonye kuze kube yilapho usuhlukaniswa ukufa ngoba uwubonile uphahlazeka phambi kwamehlo akhe.
• Ungase uzizwe njengomuntu wangaphandle eduze nomkakhe wangaphambili kanye nezingane
• Uma nobabili nihlukanisile, kuzoba nabantu abaningi abengeziwe abathintekayo kulesi simo njengabo bobabili ababekade beshadile, izingane, kanye nabasemzini nabakhona manje. Amaholide akho azoba inkimbinkimbi kakhulu kunokuba ucabanga
• Ukudlulela ngale kwesimiso esivamile somshado nobudlelwano kudinga isibindi esikhulu nokucabangela nakuba ukushada kabusha kwamukeleka kalula kulezi zinsuku.

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Ingabe Zikhona Izinzuzo Zokuba Umfazi Wesibili? 

Nakuba ukuba unkosikazi wesibili kuza nesethi yakho yezinselele, kukhona nezinye izinzuzo eziyingqayizivele ezingenza umshado wakho ugcwaliseke nakakhulu. Nazi izinzuzo ezingenakuphikwa zokuba unkosikazi wesibili:

• Umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi ufunde emaphutheni adlule: Njengoba eke washada ngaphambili, cishe usekuqonda kangcono ukuthi yini esebenzayo nengasebenzi ebudlelwaneni. Uqaphela kakhulu ngokomzwelo futhi uzimisele ukwenza umzamo wokwenza izinto zisebenze, okusho ukuthi unethuba elingcono lokwakha abavuthiwe ubuhlobo
• Angakwazisa kakhulu: Umshado wesibili uvame ukuba nomuzwa ojulile wokubonga. Uyazi ukuthi uthando luyigugu kangakanani futhi ngeke akuthathe kalula
• Okulindelwe okucacile ebudlelwaneni: Uma kubhekwa ulwazi lwakhe lwangaphambilini, kulula kuwe ukuthi uqondise ezindabeni ezilindelwe, izindinganiso, nezinto eziza kuqala. Lokho kusho ukumangala okumbalwa kanye nesisekelo esizinzile sobudlelwano bakho
• Cishe uzozimisela kakhulu ukuwenza usebenze: Akekho ongena emshadweni wesibili kalula. Uyayiqonda imiphumela yesehlukaniso futhi cishe uzibophezele ngokwengeziwe ekukhulumeni ngokukhululekile, ukuvumelana, nokugcina ubuhlobo buqinile
• Ingcindezi encane yokuphelela: Cishe ngeke kube khona okulindelwe inganekwane okungelona iqiniso. Uzoba nozakwethu onesisekelo, ongokoqobo, futhi ogxile ekwakheni ubambiswano oluqinile kunokujaha ukuphelela.
• Ukuzinza okuqinile kwezezimali nokomzwelo: Ngesikhathi somshado wesibili, bobabili abalingani bavame ukusimama ngokwezimali nangokomsebenzi, futhi bavuthiwe ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kungaba usizo olukhulu ekusizeni wena nomyeni wakho nakhe ukuzinza nokulondeka okwengeziwe emshadweni wenu
• Uyakwazi ukuchaza eyakho indaba: Imishado yesibili ivame ukuza nokuhlakanipha kokugxila kulokho okubaluleke ngempela kunokuthonywa izingcindezi zangaphandle noma okulindelwe umphakathi. Lokhu kusho ukuthi wena nomyeni wakho nikulungele kangcono ukudala indaba yokuphila enengqondo kuwe

Izinselelo Eziyi-9 Okufanele Uzilungiselele Ukuba Ngunkosikazi Wesibili

Ngalé kwenkolelo-mbono yamakhosikazi esibili amabi nomama bokutholwa ababi esiphakelwa izinganekwane kanye nesiko lomculo we-pop, kuyiqiniso elikhona lokuthi ukungena kule ndima kungaba isiyaluyalu ngokomzwelo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okuvusa amadlingozi kowesifazane. Ukuqhathaniswa okuhlala kukhona kwenkosikazi yokuqala vs umfazi wesibili, izindaba zomndeni, amalungelo empahla, kanye umthwalo wemizwa akulula ukuzulazula. 

Ayikho impendulo elingana neyodwa yokuthi kunjani ukuba unkosikazi wesibili. Okuhlangenwe nakho kowesifazane ngamunye kule ndima kungase kuhluke ngokuphawulekayo, kubuswe ubuntu bakhe siqu, uhlobo lobuhlobo bakhe nomngane wakhe womshado kanye nomthwalo ngamunye wabo bobabili abalingani. Noma kunjalo, kunezinselele ezivamile kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho.

Ukuze wamukele ukuba inkosikazi yesibili, udinga ukufunda indlela yokuzulazula kubo ngobuchule. Ukukusiza wenze lokho, sihlanganise izinselele ongazibheka endimeni yakho njengonkosikazi wesibili, ukuze uhlomele noma yini engase ivele kuwe.

1. Ukucwaswa, ukubhekwa, imibuzo

Lapho uMarcus noChantal beshada, kwaba umshado wesibili kubo bobabili. Babethandane iminyaka embalwa, futhi bobabili base becela eminyakeni engu-30 ngesikhathi beshada. “Ngangingemncane futhi ngingenalwazi kodwa bengingakakulungeli ukwahlulela kanye nemibuzo engapheli, nenelukuluku esasiza nayo.

“Ngangimazi uMarcus emshadweni wakhe wokuqala futhi abantu babecabanga ukuthi ngingomunye wesifazane, ukuthi sasibonana ngasese ngemva komkakhe wokuqala.” Futhi, umkakhe wokuqala, uDiane, usathandwa kakhulu omakhelwane nomphakathi jikelele ngakho nganginomuzwa wokuthi babecabanga ukuthi angilingani, ukuthi ngangihlukile,” kusho uChantal.

Isehlukaniso nokushada akuvamile ukuba kuzwakale kodwa ngenxa yokuthi kubhidliza inganekwane yalowo mshado ophelele nomphefumulo oyedwa, kusenesilinganiso esithile sokucwaswa. Lokhu kusho ukuthi uzozwa ukushisa kokugqolozela okunelukuluku nemibuzo ecasulayo okungenani onyakeni wokuqala noma ngaphezulu. Ukuqhathaniswa kwenkosikazi yokuqala nenkosikazi yesibili, nokungajabulisi okuvela kubo ngokuqinisekile kuphakathi kwezinselele eziningi ongase ubhekane nazo emshadweni wakho. Kuzokusiza ukuthi uqine futhi ubhekane nezimo ezingakhululekile ezingavela.

"Ukungqubuzana kobudlelwane kungokwemvelo futhi kungenzeka nakubashadikazi abajabule kakhulu,” kusho I-Kanti, "Kodwa emshadweni wesibili, cishe nakanjani uzogqashuka. Uzobe ushayisana ngamakhanda nomphakathi uwonke futhi kuzoba nezikhathi lapho kuzwakale sengathi umhlaba wonke umelene nawe. Kodwa ukuxazulula izingxabano kuyisihluthulelo sokuba unkosikazi wesibili, ngakho hlakanipha futhi ukhethe izimpi zakho."

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2. Umthwalo ongokomzwelo

Njengoba sishilo, i-syndrome yomfazi wesibili ingakushiya uzizwe sengathi ungene kwelinye iqiniso eladalwa unkosikazi wokuqala womngane womshado nomndeni, elingakwenza uzizwe ungafaneleki noma ungabaze indawo yakho empilweni yomyeni wakho. Ukuzizwa okwesibili kunkosikazi wakhe wangaphambili kungenza unkosikazi wesibili angazethembi ngisho nakwabesifazane abaningi abazithembayo. Nakhu okwenzekayo uma ungaqiniseki ngendlela yokuzulazula kulezi zinselele:

• Uyohlale unomuzwa wokuthi oshade naye ubheka umkakhe wokuqala nezingane ezibalulekile kunawe
• Uzozibuza ukuthi bayasilawula yini isimiso nezinqumo zakhe ngaphezu kwakho
• Uzoziqhathanisa nabo njalo njalo ucabange ukuthi uyasilela
• Umuzwa wokungabalulekile ungakwenza uqagele isinqumo sakho 
• Ungase ugcine ngokuzama ukuba nomthelela ezinqumweni zokuphila zomyeni wakho ngaphezu kowayengunkosikazi wakhe

Kungaba nzima kakhulu. Kungenzeka ukuthi uke wangena emndenini owenziwe ngomumo, noma ngabe uphukile, futhi esimweni esinjalo, izinkinga zomndeni azivamile. Uma eyakho umlingani ungumfelokazi futhi washonelwa umkakhe wokuqala, zilungiselele nakakhulu ukuthi uzobe ehlonipha inkumbulo yakhe futhi enaka kakhulu izingane zakhe, uma enazo. Ngandlela thize, ubukhona obungabonakali bomfazi wokuqala bukhulisa kuphela ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo osuvele ubhekene nakho. 

U-Kranti uthi, "Njengomfazi wokuqala, ungase ushade nomlingani wakho nomndeni wabo. Njengomfazi wesibili, udlulela phambili futhi ushade nomlingani, umndeni wabo, izingane zabo, futhi ngezindlela ezithile, ngisho ne-ex yabo. Akuwona nje umndeni, umndeni wonke owandisiwe futhi ungase ugcine uzizwa njengesikhonkwane esiyisikwele emgodini oyindilinga. Kodwa njengokhiye wesibili ukuze ukwazi ukuzulazula kunkosikazi wakho. izimo ezingakhululekile.”

3. Ukulungele ukuba usingamama?

Uma sikhuluma ngezingane, usukulungele kangakanani ukuba ngumama ongamzali? Lena insimu enobuqili ngisho nalapho nithandana, ikakhulukazi uma izingane zikuleso sigaba sobusha senzondo enkulu kunoma ubani umzali wazo ajola naye. Ungase uthande ukuqala ukubeka isisekelo lapho usathandana nangaphambi komshado, ukuze ungangeni emzini onobutha obukhulu.

Ukwamukela ukuba unkosikazi wesibili kusho nokwamukela izingane ezivela emshadweni wokuqala womngane wakho womshado kanye nezimo eziguquguqukayo ongabelana ngazo nabo okungenani ekuqaleni. Eyakho ubudlelwano nezingane zokutholwa kuzoba umsebenzi oqhubekayo isikhathi eside esizayo futhi kufanele ulungele ukuqondisa ngekhono le maze uze usungule ubudlelwano obunethezekile nabo.

UMira noLeya bashada ngemva kweminyaka emi-2 bethandana, kodwa indodakazi kaLeah yomshado wayo wokuqala ayizange ivume nhlobo uMira. UMyra uthi: “UmkaLeah wokuqala washona, futhi indodakazi yabo, uRose, yayisalungisa usizi lwayo lapho siqala ukuthandana noLeah. KuRose, umama wakhe ukuthandana nanoma ubani omunye kwakungcolile futhi wayengakwazi ukwamukela uMira ngisho nangemva kweminyaka emibili.

"Kuthathe iminyaka eminingi yokusebenza kuzo zombili izingxenye zethu. Saya kokwelashwa njengomndeni; ngazama ngakho konke okusemandleni ami ukukhuluma naye futhi ngimqinisekise ukuthi ngangingumngane njengomzali nokuthi angangethemba. Kwakunzima. Kodwa, usekolishi manje, futhi ngicabanga ukuthi senze intuthuko yangempela. Singase singabi ama-BFF endodakazi kamama kodwa sinenhlonipho enempilo nothando lwami komunye nomunye,"

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4. Imali ibalulekile

Oshade naye kungenzeka ube nohlelo lwezezimali oludwetshwe nenkosikazi yakhe yokuqala. Mhlawumbe kunemali yesondlo ekhokhwayo manje kanye nesikhwama sekolishi sezingane. Njengonkosikazi wesibili, awunazwi ngempela kulokhu, ngoba konke kwenziwa ngaphambi kokuthi uze esithombeni. Noma kunjalo, ungase ungajabuli ngalesi simo. Ungase ukhathazeke ngokuthi ikusasa lakho livikeleke kangakanani emshadweni futhi kungakushiya uzibuza ngezinto ezinjengalezi: inkosikazi yesibili inelungelo lokuyini? 

Okunye okuba yinkinga yokuba unkosikazi wesibili wukuthi uzithole useceleni kwezinto eziningi ezenzeka empilweni yowakwakho. KuSally, kwakuyiva elingapheli kuye ukuthi indlu ahlala kuyo nomyeni wakhe uBill yayinegama lomkakhe wokuqala esiqashisweni kanye nelakhe. Abakwazanga ukuphuma ngoba uBill wayengafuni ukususa izingane futhi u-Sally akakwazanga ukusho okuningi ngakho, kodwa kwakumhlupha ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwamcasula kakhulu ukuthi ukuhlela kwezezimali bekubonakala kungamfaki ukunethezeka kwakhe. 

Futhi, indlela engcono kakhulu yokuthola imizwa yakho ngaphandle kokushisa umshado wakho iwukuba nengxoxo eqotho nomlingani wakho. Uma izimali nezimo zivuma, phuma uye endaweni yakho—ukuhlala endlini eyodwa nenkosikazi yokuqala akuvamisile ukuba umqondo omuhle, njengoba noma ubani ofunda incwadi kaDaphne Du Maurier. Rebecca uzokutshela. Awufuni ukunqotshwa ukucindezeleka kukankosikazi wesibili ngenxa yengcindezi, ukungazethembi, nokungajabulisi empilweni yakho yomshado ngenxa yesikhathi esedlule sowakwakho.

5. Ukubhekana nemithwalo yomlingani wakho

Njengoba lokhu kuwuthando oluthuthumelayo lomuntu, lungela ukuphatha imithwalo yemizwa njengomfazi wesibili. Oshade naye ulahlekelwe unkosikazi wakhe wokuqala ngedivosi noma ngokushona, kokubili okuletha ubuhlungu obukhulu, noma buhluke kakhulu, izindlela zokubhekana nazo. Ngethemba ukuthi baphole ngezinga elithile ngaphambi kokuzibandakanya nawe, kodwa ukulahlekelwa kwalolu hlobo kujula kakhulu. Kungenzeka ukuthi lo umshado wakho wesibili, futhi, lapho uzokwazi ukuzwelana.

Esimeni sesehlukaniso esingathandeki, umlingani wakho angaba nakho izindaba zokuthembela nezindaba zokusondelana, okwenza kube nzima ngabo ukukuvulela isifuba ngokuphelele. Uma beshonelwe unkosikazi wabo wokuqala ngenxa yokugula, bazobe bebhekene nosizi oluthile ukuphila kwabo konke. Umngane wami washada nendoda eyayibeka izimbali ethuneni lomkakhe ongasekho njalo ngeSonto. Wayengenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi wayezizwa kanjani ngakho ekuqaleni kodwa wabonga ngokuthi wamvumela leso sikhathi nesikhathi futhi ekugcineni kwaqinisa ubuhlobo babo.

Enye yezinzuzo zokuba unkosikazi wesibili ukuthi uletha umbono omusha kulo mthwalo, futhi uba umlingani oma eceleni kwabo njengoba besebenza kuwo. Qinisekisa ukuthi abazilahleki esikhathini esidlule; bakhumbuze ukuthi banekusasa elisha nawe okufanele babheke phambili kulo ngisho noma bekhetha ukuhlonipha inkumbulo yomkabo wokuqala ngezindlela zabo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinselelo Zokujola Nendoda Eyehlukene Udabula Isehlukaniso

6. Ukuphatha lowo owayeshade naye

Uma lowo owake washada naye esesesithombeni—enakekela izingane noma njengabalingani bebhizinisi noma nje nihlangana ngezikhathi ezithile—kuzodingeka ufunde indlela yokubhekana naye ngaphandle kokuvumela inkosikazi yokuqala vs inkosikazi yesibili ukungazethembi kukudle. Kukhona ibhalansi enhle kakhulu okufanele igcinwe lapha.

Kuzodingeka uqonde iqiniso lokuthi unkosikazi wokuqala uzohlala ebonakala empilweni yomlingani wakho, ukuthi unendawo yakhe, nawe uneyakho. Kungenzeka ukuthi kunezidingo empilweni yomndeni ezifezwa nguye kuphela, ngokwesibonelo, uma zikhona ukuzala ndawonye ngemva kwesehlukaniso, uzobe ekhona. Angase abe nokuzwana okuhle nabasemzini, futhi usengababona.

Ngenxa yalokho, ungasala unomuzwa wokuthi ukhona kakhulu futhi unyathela izinzwane zakho. Kulula ukuthi intukuthelo yakheke lapha futhi izimpi zomfazi wokuqala vs owesibili zigqame. Esimeni esihle, ningaba khona ndawonye, ​​niqaphela ukuthi nonke ninendawo ehlukile emndenini. Ngeshwa, singabantu futhi ukungavikeleki nakanjani kuzongena esikhathini esithile. Unkosikazi wokuqala naye angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi uyamshintsha ngokuphelele futhi aqale ukugada indawo yakhe ngomhawu.

"Ukuqhathanisa ne-ex inobuthi nxazonke,” kusho u-Kranti, “Ngisho noma isiqhathaniso sithuthukisa isikali esivuna wena, sivela endaweni yokungakhululeki nokungazethembi. Ukuqhathanisa kuqinisa le mizwa kuphela, futhi akukho lutho olubi ngokuzibamba ngokumelene nowayeshade naye.”

Kuyazuzisa ukuba inkosikazi yesibili evuthiwe futhi elondekile emshadweni wayo ukuze ikwazi ukubhekana nesimo esinjalo. Ayikho indlela elula yokusingatha umlando osontekile wendoda ekhathele imishado emibili, ngaphandle kokuyinika isikhathi nokubekezela. Ungavumeli i-syndrome yomfazi wakho wesibili inqobe yonke into.

7. Ukuba ngumuntu omkhulu

Akekho u-patron saint wamakhosikazi esibili, futhi akudingeki ukuthi uqale ukuphonsa indima. Kodwa, kuzoba nezikhathi eziningi lapho uzodinga ukuvumela ngomusa ngenxa yokuthula kwengqondo yawo wonke umuntu, okuhlanganisa neyakho. Yamukela ukuba unkosikazi wesibili futhi uthole indlela yokukhululeka endimeni yakho ngaphandle kokukhononda i-ex yowakwakho ngokufika kuqala. Kuzosiza wonke umuntu obambe iqhaza ku-equation.

UPhoebe, owashada nomyeni wakhe uJack eminyakeni emithathu edlule, uthi: “Ukuba inkosikazi yesibili kwasho ukuthi ngangeniswa emkhayeni owawusuvele ukhona,” kusho uPhoebe, owashada nomyeni wakhe uJack eminyakeni emithathu edlule, “kwakunemikhuba nemicikilisho eyayiqhubeka, ngezinye izikhathi ikushaya indiva engangikufuna.

Indlela enhle yokwenza lokhu iwukucacisa ngokucacile ukuthi yini ongeke uxoxisane ngayo nawe, nalapho ungakwazi ukuyekethisa. Ukumisa imingcele enempilo kubalulekile kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo futhi ikakhulukazi kumfazi wesibili. Khumbula, uvunyelwe ukuba nemingcele futhi ubeke unyawo lwakho phansi; qiniseka nje ukuthi awuyingeni impi yasebukhosini njalo lapho ungatholi indlela yakho ngoba lokho akusizi wena noma omunye umuntu.

UKranti uthi: “Kumayelana nokwazisa umshado wakho wesibili, ngokungafani nomshado wokuqala, kuzoba nombono omncane ngomngane wakho womshado lapha.” Khumbula, kunomehluko phakathi kokubazisa nokubabeka esicathulweni, ngakho qhubeka wazise owakwakho nobuhlobo bakho ngaphezu kwanoma yiziphi izinkinga ezincane. Yilapho ngempela uba umuntu omkhulu kunabo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 7 Amasu Okuyeka Ukulwa Ebudlelwaneni

8. Ukwamukela ubudlelwano obungeyona yendabuko

Futhi, umshado wesibili ngokwencazelo usho ukuthi iningi 'lokuqala' sekwenziwe bese kuba eminye. Nobabili nike nahlala endaweni yobudlelwano futhi kungenzeka nikwazi ukumelana nezibazi ezimbalwa ezivela kuzo ubudlelwano obudlule kanye/noma imishado. Yamukela ukuthi lobu budlelwano buzoba nezinkinga ezimbalwa, kuzokwenza kube lula ukwamukela ukuba unkosikazi wesibili.

Kuzomele uvulele izingane indawo nezinhlelo zazo, ubusuku bezinsuku obuphazanyiswa abazanyana abangatholakali ngomzuzu wokugcina, abasekhweni asebevele benezinto abazilindele kudala ngaphambi kokuba nifike, nokunye.

“Sasinomshado omncane, ngakho-ke abantu abaningi babengazi ukuthi wayedivosile umkakhe wokuqala, ingasaphathwa eyokushada futhi.” Ngakho, kwaba khona ukumangala nelukuluku lokufuna ukwazi kanye nokuhleba nje emoyeni lapho siphuma. Kwadingeka ukujwayela, kodwa ngase ngikwamukela ukuthi lona kwakungewona umshado wakho wendabuko,” kusho uDani oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala.

Okungeyona yendabuko akuyona into embi, ukuthi nje uzoba nemibuzo eminingi ephonswa kuwe futhi ujwayele ukubonakala 'njengongeyena unkosikazi wokuqala'. Kuyasiza ukufunda ukuthi ungazivimba kanjani lezi zimo ukuze zingathandi ukuqhathanisa komfazi wokuqala vs owesibili ekhanda lakho. Awukweleti muntu izincazelo, ngakho-ke sukuma wenze ibhizinisi lakho.

9. Izinombolo ziyaphikisana nawe

Hhayi ukubeka i-dampener emshadweni wakho, kodwa kukhona izifundo lokho kusikisela ukuthi u-60% wemishado yesibili uphela ngesehlukaniso. Futhi kweminye imibuthano, abantu ngeke bangabaze ukuphonsa lezi zinombolo ngaphandle nje kwengxoxo. Uma ungena emshadweni wesibili, futhi lezi zibalo zibangela ukungalali ebusuku, khumbula ukuthi ukungena kulokhu ngamehlo avulekile futhi ukholelwa ngokuqinile emingceleni yakho kuzokusiza kakhulu ekwenzeni umshado ojabulisayo.

Kukhona ubungozi kunoma yibuphi ubudlelwano, futhi uma sikhuluma iqiniso, asikho isiqinisekiso sokuthi noma ubani wethu uzoba ndawonye kuze kube phakade. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi asisondeli kuzo zonke izindaba zothando nomshado ngethemba kanye nakho konke ukuhlakanipha okungokomzwelo esingakuhlanganisa. Uma ukhathazeke ngempela, cabanga ukwelulekwa ngaphambi komshado nomngane wakho womshado futhi niveze okukukhathazayo. Kuhlala kungcono ukuya esinqumweni esikhulu sempilo esilungiselelwe kahle.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ithini Iresiphi Yomshado Ojabulisayo?

Ngibhekana Kanjani Nokuba Umfazi Wesibili?

Manje zonke izingxoxo zifinyelela embuzweni owodwa kuphela - uhamba kanjani ekubeni unkosikazi wesibili? Kunezindlela ezimbili, noma uvumela zonke izithiyo nezahlulelo ezingadingekile zikuqede amandla noma ugxile ekusebenzeni emshadweni wakho. Futhi ukwenza lokho, qala ngokungavumeli ilebula 'yomshado wesibili' ikuthobe kusukela ekuhambeni. Lokho kuzosusa ingcindezi eyengeziwe ezayo kanye nokwesaba ukuzibophezela kumuntu omusha futhi kuqale phansi.

Uma ucabanga ngakho, kunezinzuzo ezithile kulokhu okuguquguqukayo. Umyeni wakho kufanele ukuthi ufunde okuthile noma ezimbili mayelana nokuthatha umthwalo ofanayo emshadweni. Ngaphezu kwalokho, isehlukaniso kumelwe ukuba samqinisa futhi manje useyazi ukuthi yini okungafanele ayenze ukuze asekele umshado. Nazi izindlela ezimbalwa zokubhekana nezinkinga eziza nendawo ngaphandle kokuzivumela zikukhathaze kakhulu:

• Thatha isikhathi sakho kodwa zama ukufunda ukuvala amehlo ukugxeka umshado wakho
• Ekuqaleni, izimali zingaba nzima kodwa ungakwazi ukuhlukanisa izindleko futhi ulawule izindleko ngendlela efanele.
• Esikhundleni sokuvumela owayengunkosikazi ukuba akwesabise, ungaphatha ubuhlobo ngomusa futhi umamukele njengengxenye yempilo yakho.
• Khuluma nomyeni wakho mayelana nokuthi ufuna uhileleke kangakanani empilweni yezingane futhi ungeqi kuleyo mingcele
• Yakha ikhaya lakho eligcwele uthando nenjabulo njenganoma yimuphi omunye umbhangqwana osanda kushada

 Imicabango Final

Ukuba unkosikazi wesibili kuthatha uhlobo olukhethekile lokukhuluma, amahlaya, futhi mhlawumbe nokuphefumula okujulile okuningi. Kuningi okufanele ukuthathe futhi neqiniso lokuthi ukhethe ukwenza kanjalo lisho lukhulu ngawe. Khumbula, awugcini nje ngokuthatha umngane womshado, kodwa imithwalo yakhe, abantu bakudala, izingane zabo, kanye nenqwaba yezinkinga esezilungiselelwe wena ukuze ubhekane nazo.

Ukubheka ngale kokungafani komfazi wokuqala nonkosikazi wesibili, kanye nobuhle nobubi kungenza lolu hambo lube lula kakhulu. Ayikho indlela yokwenza lokhu njengoba yonke imishado ihlukile. Kodwa uma uqaphela izinto ezingokoqobo futhi ulungiselele lezimanga ezimbalwa, asikho isizathu sokuthi kungani ungeke ube inkosikazi emangalisayo. Unkosikazi wesibili akasho indawo yesibili – gcina lokho engqondweni.

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