USara wayezizwa enesizungu izinsuku eziningi. Wayeseneminyaka emine eshadile. Kodwa ngonyaka odlule, wayezizwa entula ukuxhumana nomlingani wakhe. Izingxoxo zazilinganiselwe futhi ukuboniswa kothando kwakungavamile. Akakwazanga ukuzibamba kodwa wazibuza, “Kungani ngizizwa ngingashadile ebudlelwaneni bami? Futhi, wayefisa ukuthola indlela yokubhekana nalezi zimpawu zesizungu ebuhlotsheni.
Isizungu siwumuzwa wokuhlukaniswa noma wokungahlanganyeli nabanye. Ngokusho kwe-2018 Ucwaningo lwePew Research Center, oyedwa kwabayishumi baseMelika uthi uzizwa enesizungu noma ehlukanisiwe sonke noma isikhathi esiningi. Izizathu ezijwayelekile ukungajabuli ngomndeni, impilo yomphakathi kanye neyomphakathi, noma ingcindezi yezezimali.
Ngokocwaningo, abantu abadivosile noma abangakaze bashade (17% ngamunye) banamathuba aphindwe kabili okuba nesizungu kunalabo abashadile (6%). Nakuba ungase uzame ukudambisa imizwa yesizungu ngokuphola nokuhileleka kwezothando, akuvamile ukuba uzizwe unesizungu ebuhlotsheni. Kubuhlungu nakakhulu ukuba sebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside futhi uzizwe unesizungu ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Izimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni aziveli ngokuphazima kweso. Eqinisweni, ibanga liyangena emzimbeni uma umbhangqwana unganaki ubudlelwano babo. Ngemva kweminyaka embalwa yokuhlangana, imibhangqwana iphelelwa yizihloko okumele ikhulume ngazo ngaphandle kwezingxoxo zabo zansuku zonke eziyisicefe mayelana nokuthi ubani ozoshiya ingane esikoleni kusasa noma yiziphi izinto ezizozithola esitolo.
Inhlansi ekamelweni nayo iyanyamalala ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Izimanga, ubusuku bezinsuku, nokuthengela uzakwenu izipho kubilisa izehlakalo ezikhethekile kuphela. Ukuthambekela kokuthathana njengento engenamsebenzi kungena ngokuzenzakalelayo. Futhi ngaphambi kokuba ukwazi, uhlezi ethafeni ngobunye ubusuku, ukhalela, “Kungani ngizizwa ngedwa uma ngisebudlelwaneni?”
Isizungu singaholela ekufeni ngaphambi kwesikhathi ngenxa yokungavikeleki okuphansi noma ukucindezeleka. Eqinisweni, ukuzizwa udangele futhi uwedwa ngenkathi usothandweni kungase kubangele imicabango yokuzibulala. Ungase ungacabangi ngakho kaningi kodwa izimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni zingaba nemiphumela emibi ehlala njalo empilweni yakho engokwengqondo nengokwenyama. Yingakho uSara ethi, “Ngicindezeleke kakhulu futhi nginesizungu emshadweni wami.”
Izimpawu Eziyisi-7 Zesizungu Ebudlelwaneni
Okuqukethwe
Ungase uzizwe unesizungu ebudlelwaneni ngezizathu ezimbili. Okokuqala yingoba kukhona okushodayo ebudlelwaneni. Kulokhu, ngokuvamile, bobabili abalingani bazizwa benesizungu. Uma uzizwa unesizungu uma unomlingani wakho kunalapho ungekho, ubuhlobo buyimbangela. Nalapha futhi, uma ungakhumbula isikhathi lapho wawungashadile kodwa ungazizwa unesizungu, yibo ubuhlobo obukwenza uzizwe unesizungu.
Isizathu sesibili singaphakathi kakhulu. Uzakwethu ozizwa enesizungu kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nezinkinga zomuntu siqu ezingahlobene nobudlelwano. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise izehlakalo ezimbi zasebuntwaneni ezingase zibangele umuntu ukuba azizwe enesizungu. Ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungalungile ngobudlelwano bakho nomlingani wakho. Kodwa ungase ungakwazi ukukhomba ukuthi unesizungu. Ungase uqale ukucabanga ukuthi ukungashadi kungcono kunokuzizwa uwedwa othandweni.
Noma ngabe yikuphi, isizungu ebudlelwaneni akuyona inkinga engalungiseki. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuqhubekela phambili futhi nixoxe ngendlela yokusingatha lesi simo, wena nomlingani wakho kufanele nigxile ekuhlakuleleni okuyisisekelo sokusekela kanye nokuxhumana uzizwa unesizungu ebuhlotsheni. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kubalulekile ukuzazi futhi ukwazi kahle ubudlelwano bakho. Ngiyazi ukuthi ufuna ukuyeka ukuzizwa uwedwa othandweni kodwa okokuqala ake sibheke izimpawu eziyisikhombisa zesizungu ebudlelwaneni ukuze siqonde ukuthi kungani futhi kanjani:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokubhekana Nokuzizwa Unesizungu Emshadweni
1. Ukunciphisa ukuxhumana
Ngicabanga ukuthi ulandisa njalo lapho uCharlie Puth ethi, "Asisakhulumi." Leli ifulegi elibomvu futhi lingenza ozakwethu oyedwa noma bobabili bazizwe benesizungu. Uma ingxoxo ivamise ukuvinjelwa futhi ikhawulelwe kokuthi “Ingabe imoto uyitholile isevisi?” futhi “Sizodlani ngesidlo sakusihlwa namuhla?”, kuwuphawu ukuthi ukuxhumana phakathi kwakho nophathina wakho kuya eningizimu.
Uthi, “Angizizwa sengathi ngisebudlelwaneni nesoka/intombi/umlingani wami engishade naye.” Uyazi ukuthi kungani? Noma nini lapho kunokungaqondi kahle noma ukuhlukana kwemibono, uzama ukuvala leyo mizwa njenge-a isu lokugwema ukulwa noma ukungqubuzana okubi. Ngandlela thize, kunentaba yemizwa engaxazululiwe enqwabelana ngaphakathi kuwe ngengozi yokuqhuma noma nini maduze. Ukungakhulumisani kahle kungaholela ekuzizweni uwedwa ebudlelwaneni.
2. Ukuntuleka kokufudumala nokukhathalela
Olunye lwezimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni ukuthi i-vibe ebandayo isithathe isibopho sakho. Lokhu kungase kwenzeke ngenxa yokuxabana njalo nokungavumelani. Noma kungase kube yindaba yokungabikho kokuxhumana ngokomzwelo kanye nomuzwa wokuthi ukuhlukana phakathi ebudlelwaneni. Niyekile ukuhlolana? Ingabe wena nomlingani wakho awazi ukuthi omunye uqhuba kanjani ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba? Awukhumbuli ukuthi ugcine nini ukusho amagama amathathu omlingo kumlingani wakho? Ngicabanga ukuthi lokho kukhuluma kakhulu ngokuthi kungani usothandweni kodwa uzizwe uwedwa.
Ngemva kokuba sebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, abantu bavame ukudala umhlaba wabo ngendilinga ehlukile yabangane kanye nempilo yomsebenzi, futhi mhlawumbe neziphuzo ezimbalwa ngoMgqibelo ebusuku. Lapho behlela izindlela zabo, bavame ukukhohlwa ngomuntu osekhaya ongase adinge ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ukuze adlule osukwini olunzima. Lokhu kungaba esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko zokuzizwa udabukile futhi unesizungu ebuhlotsheni.
3. Ukuzizwa ungafunwa ebudlelwaneni
Uma uqala ukuzwa ukuthi awubalulekile ngempela empilweni yomlingani wakho, lokhu kuwuphawu lwesizungu ebudlelwaneni. Kungaba ukuthi umlingani wakho uzimele kakhulu futhi unezinto ezibalulekile ezimbalwa ngaphandle kobudlelwano. Ngezinye izikhathi, kungase kube ukuthi umlingani wakho akafuni ukubonakala esengozini. Mhlawumbe abakhululekile ukukhombisa isidingo sokuba khona kwakho nothando.
Nakuba ubudlelwano busengasinda ekungatholakalini ngokomzwelo, kungaba nesinye isizathu esikwenza uzizwe, “Ngikhathele ukuzizwa ngingedwa ebuhlotsheni bami”, okungeke kube lula ukukunqoba. Siyakuzonda ukuthi kube yibona abazokuphulela yona kodwa maningi amathuba okuthi umlingani wakho ube nayo ngaphelelwa uthando nawe. Kungaba iqiniso elinzima ukulamukela. Hhayi-ke, uma beyekile ukwenza noma yimuphi umzamo noma ukukhombisa intshisekelo ekwenzeni ubudlelwano busebenze, kungenzeka ukuthi sekuphelile ekhanda labo.
4. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba
Ucansi olunganelisi noma olunganelisi luwuphawu lwesizungu ebudlelwaneni njengoba lungadala ukungezwani phakathi kwabashadile. Ingenye eyaziwa kancane imiphumela yobudlelwano obungenabulili. Abantu abaningi bahlupheka buthule ngoba abakwazi ukukhuluma ngokungafaneleki kwezocansi ebudlelwaneni ngenxa yokwesaba ukulimaza imizwa yabo. Emibhangqwaneni eminingi, yilangabi elifayo lentshiseko elibaholela ekuzibuzeni, "Kungani ngizizwa ngingashadile ebudlelwaneni bami?"
Ukusondelana ngokomzimba akukhona nje ocansini, ukuthintana okungekona okocansi nakho kubalulekile ekugcineni ubudlelwano buphila. Lapho ubamba izandla, uphulula izinwele zabo ngobumnene, noma uzigoqe ezingalweni zakho njengoba becasukile, ubuchopho bakho bukhipha amahomoni othando afana ne-oxytocin, i-dopamine, ne-serotonin. Lawa mahomoni okuzizwa kahle anciphisa ukucindezeleka kwengqondo futhi asize ukwenza ubudlelwano buqine ngokomzwelo. Uma abalingani beyeka ukuveza uthando lwabo ngokomzimba futhi ukwanga nokuqabula kuba yivelakancane, kungabonisa izimpawu ezikhulayo zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni.
5. Izithakazelo ezahlukene
Ngemva kweminyaka ethile, ungase ubone ukuthi wena nophathina wakho ninezithakazelo ezingafani futhi anihambisani ngempela. Lokhu kungahambisani kungase kukwenze uzizwe sengathi ukungashadi kungcono kunokuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni. Mhlawumbe ekusha nasekujabuleni kothando lwakho, awukaze ucabange kakhulu ngokuhambisana kwesikhathi eside. Kodwa njengoba iminyaka idlula, ungase uthole ukuthi nina nobabili ningabantu abahluke ngokuphelele.
Uthando lozakwenu lomculo wensimbi onomsindo luphazamisa isikhathi sakho sokufunda esithule. Uma u hamba nomlingani wakho, ukhetha ukuvakashela zonke izingosi ezibalulekile njengamamnyuziyamu, izigodlo, nama-mausoleums kodwa bahlala bephikelela ekuzipholeleni ogwini ngebhodlela likabhiya. Ngenxa yalokho, ningase nihambe ekhaya ndawonye kodwa nigcine ninohambo lwedwa ngemva kokufika endaweni oya kuyo. Akumangalisi ukuthi uzithola ucabanga, “Angizizwa sengathi ngisebudlelwaneni nesoka noma intombi yami.”
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungabuvuselela Kanjani Ubudlelwano? 5 Izindlela Ezinhle Kakhulu
6. Ukuthembela okwengeziwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana
Lolu olunye uphawu lwesizungu ebudlelwaneni. Wake wacabanga ukuthi kanjani inkundla yezokuxhumana ithinta ubudlelwano bakho ngendlela embi? Ukuzizwa uwedwa ebuhlotsheni futhi ungakwazi ukuthola lokho kuxhumana okududuzayo nozakwenu, ungase ufune ukuxhumana nabantu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Kodwa isikhathi esiningi esichithwa ezinkundleni zokuxhumana singase sibe nomthelela ekubeni nesizungu kanye nokunganeliseki ngobudlelwano bakho.
Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi ungase uqhathanise ubudlelwano bakho nobabanye ezinkundleni zokuxhumana futhi uzwe ukunganeli kwabo kahle. Isibonelo, ungase uqhathanise indlela izinsuku zokuzalwa, izikhumbuzo zomshado, noma uSuku Luka-Valentine olugujwa ngabanye futhi ube nomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho akakwazisi ngokwanele. Ngakho-ke, ngesikhathi esilandelayo lapho uqaphela ukuthi, "Ngisothandweni kodwa ngizizwa ngedwa", bheka lokhu njengophawu olubalulekile.
7. Ukuncika emisebenzini esekwe kusikrini
Uma ubusuku buvamise ukuchithwa kubukelwe uhlelo ku-Netflix, kungaba wuphawu lokuthi akukho okunye enikwaba njengabashadikazi. Kwesinye isikhathi uzakwethu ozizwa enesizungu uphendukela esikrinini ukuze avuselelwe nokwaneliseka. Uma unguzakwethu onesizungu, kungenzeka ukuthi uke wazizwa ukhuthazwa izigcawu noma izingoma ezikhuluma ngesizungu ebuhlotsheni.
Ngicabanga ukuthi uzohlobana kakhulu nendaba ye imidlalo njengoba kuwukuvezwa kokuxhumana phakathi kobudlelwane besimanje kanye nesizungu - umlingiswa oyinhloko uTheodore uwela kuSamantha okuyisisekelo okuyizwi lohlelo lwakhe lwe-Artificial Intelligence. Thatha lokhu! Uma nawe ungasakwazi ukubhekana nomcabango othi “Sengikhathele ukuzizwa ngingedwa ebudlelwaneni bami”, kuzokunika amandla okuthi ekugcineni uvuke wenze okuthile ukushintsha lesi simo.
Izimbangela Zesizungu Ebudlelwaneni
Kungani ngizizwa ngingedwa uma ngisebudlelwaneni? Kungase kube nezinto ezimbalwa ezidlalwayo lapha, futhi kufanele uhlole izimo zakho ezihlukile ukuze uthole umsuka walesi sizungu. Ngaphandle kokungafanelani, ukuba matasa komsebenzi oyedwa noma bobabili kuyisici esiholela ekubeni nesizungu ebuhlotsheni. Ukuzizwa unesizungu ebuhlotsheni obukude kuyaqondakala. Uma abalingani behlukene ngokomzimba futhi ukuxhumana ubuso nobuso kungekho, kungokwemvelo ukuthi bangase bashiywe bebodwa ebuhlotsheni.
Ngokusho kwe-March 2020 cwaningo eyanyatheliswa kuyi-Journal of Happiness Studies, ubudlelwano bozakwethu buyisici esinamandla sokuzivikela ngokumelene nesizungu. Nokho, ucwaningo luthi, isizungu singase sigqugquzelwe ngobudlelwano bozakwethu uma bubonakala bunganelisi noma busezingeni eliphansi.
Ezimweni lapho umngane womshado egula kakhulu, umnakekeli angase asale ebhekana nemizwa yokudabuka nesizungu. Lokhu kusebenza nasezindabeni zempilo yengqondo ezifana nokudangala noma izimo zokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa. Uma ubuhlobo bungokomzimba noma ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, kungaba nesizungu kakhulu kulowo ohlukunyeziwe. (Kulokhu, ukungashadi kungcono kunokuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni.) Ukulutheka komakhalekhukhwini nakho kudala isizungu ebudlelwaneni. Ushintsho lwangaphandle olufana nokuba nomntwana lungakwenza uhlole ubuhlobo bakho.
Noma ngabe yisiphi isizathu, lapho ubona izimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni, kufanele uzame ukuxhumana uzizwa unesizungu ebuhlotsheni nomlingani wakho, umngane, noma ekwelashweni kwabashadile. Uma ungakutholi ukwesekwa okudingayo ngalesi sikhathi esicindezelayo, kungase kwandise izinga lakho lokucindezeleka futhi kunciphise ukuzethemba kwakho ngesikhathi esifanayo.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuzizwa Ungafunwa Ebudlelwaneni - Ungabhekana Kanjani?
Ungabhekana Kanjani Nokuzizwa Unesizungu Ebudlelwaneni
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama ukubhekana nesizungu ebudlelwaneni obukude noma lapho nibonana khona nsuku zonke, nazi ezinye izindlela zokusingatha lesi simo. Uma kunezimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni, lawa macebiso azokwenza uzizwe ungcono.
1. Qala ingxoxo
Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngokuzizwa enesizungu ngaphandle kokumsola noma ukwahlulela ngoba lokho kungamenza azizwe ezivikela. Kubalulekile ukwabelana ngemizwa yakho njengoba kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho ungaxoxa khona ngesixazululo esingase sibe khona. Mhlawumbe udinga ukuhamba isikhashana futhi uxhumane kabusha. Noma, udinga ukubekela eceleni isikhathi somunye nomunye usuku ngalunye ukuze ujulise isibopho. Kungase kudingeke unikeze isikhathi nokunaka ukuze uvuselele impilo yakho yocansi.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-12 Ezisebenza Ngokuphelele Zokuqeda Ubudlelwano - Noma ngabe Umhlaba Uthini
2. Thuthukisa ukuxhumana
Ungakwazi ukwenza iphuzu ngcono ukuxhumana ngokuthumela umbhalo wothando kumlingani wakho phakathi nosuku lomsebenzi. Mbuze ngosuku lwakhe kusihlwa futhi ulalele ngesithakazelo impendulo. Ungazama nokuzifaka ezicathulweni zomlingani wakho. Lokhu kuzokwandisa uzwela lwakho futhi kukwenze ube nesineke ngokwengeziwe nganoma yikuphi ukushiyeka. Dala izikhathi nezimo lapho ungasondelana futhi uxhumane ngokomzwelo ukuze uyeke ukuzizwa udabukile nesizungu ebuhlotsheni.
3. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
Uma ungakwazi ukuqhubeka nengxoxo nomlingani wakho, kungase kudingeke ukuthi uye kumeluleki wabashadikazi ukuze ulungise izimbangela ezibangela isizungu. Futhi, thola izixazululo ngesiqondiso someluleki. Ukuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni kungaxazululwa ngosizo lochwepheshe. Uma udinga noma yiluphi usizo lochwepheshe ngalolu daba, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi Iphaneli yochwepheshe be-Bonobology zilapha kuwe.
4. Xhumana nabangane nomndeni
Hlanganyela nabangani abaseduze ukuze ubhekane nesikhala osibona ebudlelwaneni bakho. Thatha ikhefu uvakashele umndeni. Ukuba nabantu osondelene nabo ngeke nje kukududuze kodwa futhi kungakusiza uthole umbono kanye nokucaca ngemizwa yesizungu. Ukuchitha isikhathi nabantu obathandayo kuyindlela yokuyeka ukuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni.
5. Zama i-yoga noma ukuzindla
Uma unesizungu, akusho ukuthi kufanele uhlale ufuna inkampani. I-Yoga, ukuzindla, nokuzilolonga kwengqondo kukusiza ukuthi uhlole futhi uthintane nawe. Bakwenza uzizwe ukhululekile ngokuba wedwa. Ekugcineni, uzokhula a umuzwa wokuzithanda lokho kuzokusiza ukulungisa ubudlelwano bakho.
6. Yakha umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa
Lokhu kungaba yisixazululo esihle noma ngabe unesizungu ngaphakathi ngenxa yobuntu bakho noma ngenxa yokuthi ubudlelwano bakho buntula ngandlela thize. Ukuphishekela umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa kuzokugcina umatasatasa, uthephe ubuhlakani bakho futhi kukusize uxhumane nabantu abanomqondo ofanayo. Ukugxila ekuzilolongeni nasekuvolontiyeni ngesizathu esiseduze nenhliziyo yakho ezinye izinketho ongazicabangela ukuze uhlale umatasatasa ngendlela ephumelelayo.
Cishe kubi kakhulu ukuba nesizungu ebudlelwaneni kunokuba unesizungu uma ungashadile. Kodwa zikhona izindlela zokubhekana nazo. Kunezindlela zokubhekana nalesi sizungu. Enye iwukusebenza ebuhlotsheni. Lokho kungenzeka uma bobabili abalingani bethandana futhi bekwazisana.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ukuntuleka kokufanelana nezithakazelo ezingafani kuyimbangela enkulu yesizungu ebudlelwaneni. Uma ungakwazi ukwabelana ngemisebenzi ejabulisayo, kungenza oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bazizwe benesizungu.
Uzizwa unesizungu ebudlelwaneni uma uzizwa uqhelelene nesithandwa sakho. Kukhona ukulahlekelwa ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo nokusondelana. Ungase uzizwe ungathandwa futhi sengathi awukwazi ukuxhumana ngempumelelo nomlingani wakho.
Thatha ikhefu kumlingani wakho. Chitha isikhathi nabangani noma amalungu omndeni osondelene nawo. Bangakunikeza ukuqonda nokududuza.
Izinto Eziyi-11 Ezenzeka Uma Umuntu Wesifazane Ephelelwa Isithakazelo Endodeni Yakhe
Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Eziyisixwayiso Umlingani Wakho Ulahlekelwa Isithakazelo Ebudlelwaneni
Izimpawu Eziyisi-6 Zokwazi Ukuthi Indoda Yakho Iphelelwa Isithakazelo Kuwe
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
