Ungawela Kanjani Othandweni Nothile - Amathiphu ayi-9 Okwenza Kwenzeke

"Ukuthandana akuyona inqubo encane kunokuxabana." - UMichael French, umbhali.

Uthando, njengoba besho, luyinto enhle kakhulu. Kwesinye isikhathi, lapho izinto zingahambi kahle, ayikho enye indlela ngaphandle kokudedela uthando oluphethe ukhiye wenhliziyo yakho. Inselele-ke iwukufunda indlela yokuphuma othandweni - ngenxa yakho kanye neyomunye umuntu. Kungaba uthando lwezothando olwabiwe phakathi kwabalingani noma imizwa yokuzwana kanye nokunakekela owabelana ngakho nomngane wakho noma ingane yakini. Uma iphela, iyaphela.

Noma ngabe unjani ngawe noma isimo sobudlelwano bakho, iqiniso liwukuthi, kunzima kakhulu ukuyeka ukuthanda umuntu. Kudingeka umzamo we-herculean ukuze unqobe othile kuyilapho okuphambene kwenzeka kunalokho ngokwemvelo. Kodwa kungani kunzima kangaka ukubadlula lapho ukuthandana nabo kuzwakala kulula? Lo mdonsiswano uzohlala isikhathi esingakanani? Futhi yini ongayenza ukuze uzivumele ukuthi uthi bye? Ake sithole izimpendulo zayo yonke imibuzo yakho evuthayo.

Ukuwa Othandweni - Kungani Kunzima?

Impendulo elula kakhulu yalo mbuzo ukuthi uthando luzwakala lumnandi, futhi siluthekile kulokho okuzizwa kumnandi. Ngeke kube kude ukusho ukuthi uthando luwumlutha. Ukuyeka ukuthanda lapho uthando luzizwa lumnandi kunzima, kakhulu ngesizathu esifanayo sokuyeka ukudla lapho ulambile. Uthando lugcwalisa isidingo sethu esiyinhloko sokuxhumana okuseduze nomunye umuntu futhi ukukuvumela kuhambe kubonakala kunzima kakhulu ngoba:

• Uthando luzizwa kahle: Izifundo kudala zafakazela imiphumela yebhayoloji yemizwa ejulile yothando emizimbeni yethu. Thatha lokhu cwaningo isibonelo, okuyinto, ekhuluma ngokuthi uthando, inkanuko, ukukhanga, ukunamathelana, nobungane kukhuthaza kanjani ukukhululwa kwamahomoni ahlukahlukene abalulekile futhi azizwe kahle emzimbeni.
• Ukungathandi kubuhlungu: Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lokhu cwaningo ingena ezinhlungwini zokuphuka. Ithi umuzwa wokuzizwela wokuzihlukanisa ngenkani nomuntu omthandayo okuholela noma okubangelwa umuzwa wokulahlwa kufana nokuzwa ubuhlungu bangempela bomzimba.
• Ukuyeka ukuthanda ukuyeka ukuphupha: Namanje awukaqiniseki ukuthi kungani kube nzima kangaka kuwe ukukwenza dlula umuntu uzama ukukhohlwa? Thatha lokhu. Ngesikhathi uthandana nalo muntu, uqale ukuhlela ikusasa naye ngokungazi, noma ucabange umgomo ofanayo, iphupho elabiwe, noma ukugcwaliseka ngokomzwelo kohlobo oluthile esikhathini esizayo esiseduze. Manje, ukususa nokuhoxisa, kusho ukunyathela amathemba, amaphupho kanye nokwenzeka kwenjabulo. Akumangalisi ukuthi imizwelo yakho imelana nokuphikelela kwakho kokuqhubekela phambili
• Ukushintsha kunzima: Kuya ngobudlelwano bakho nalo muntu, ukuphuma othandweni kuwushintsho endleleni izinto ebezihamba ngayo. Futhi uguquko luhlala lunzima

Ngenxa yazo zonke lezi zizathu, ukuziphoqa ukuba uhlukane nomuntu omthandayo kungase kudumazeke futhi kube buhlungu. Ukwazi lawa maqiniso kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile ngoba kukuvumela ukuthi ubeke ubuhlungu bakho kumongo. Kukusiza ukuthi usondele kuwe ngomusa nokuzwela futhi kukukhumbuza ukuthi uzinike ikhefu kancane!

Ungawela Kanjani Othandweni Nothile - Amathiphu angu-9

Kunezizathu ezahlukahlukene zokuthi kungani uzizwe unesidingo sokususa lowo muntu okhethekile enhliziyweni yakho, njengokuthi:

• Uthando olungajwayelekile: Uma uthando lwakho belulokhu lungashintshiwe naphezu kwayo yonke imizamo onayo, asikho isidingo sokubambelela enkohlisweni. Ezimweni ezinjalo, kungcono ufundise inhliziyo yakho ukuthi ungaxhuma kanjani nalowo muntu ngaphambi kokuba umzwelo ukukhungathekise
• Umshado ophukile noma uthando olulahlekile: Inhlansi phakathi kwakho nowakwakho iyafa futhi ayikho indlela yokubusa ubudlelwano obulahlekile. Kungase kungabi khona isizathu esisobala noma isiqephu esikuqalisile. Ukukhanga okunihlanganise ndawonye kungase kungabi khona noma nina nobabili nithole amanani ahlukene noma izinjongo zempilo ningenandawo emaphakathi. Lezi zimo zidinga ubuhlakani obuncane kanye nekhono lokumane uyeke ukuthanda futhi uphule ubudlelwano
• Uthando olungavunyelwe: Kukhona nezimo lapho mhlawumbe inhliziyo yakho igeje amagxathu ambalwa futhi yadlulela kude futhi uzithole usufuna umuntu ongeke abe ngowakho. Ngokwesibonelo, a ubudlelwano obungavumelekile. Kulokhu, uphoqelekile ukuba uzenze uphume othandweni, ake sithi nendoda noma owesifazane oshadile, ngoba sebezibophezele komunye umuntu. Nalokhu kungase kubangele imizwelo nezingxabano
• Ukuhlukana kukaPlato: Okokugcina, kunezimo lapho umngane noma othile osondelene nawe engase enze okuthile ukuze akuzwise ubuhlungu, okuholela ekutheni ufune ukuphuma empilweni yakhe. Iziqephu ezinjalo zingaba nzima njengoba ubhekene nokuthi ungayeka kanjani ukuthanda umuntu obaluleke kakhulu kuwe

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungani udinga ukufunda ukukhohlwa umuntu omthandayo noma ukudlula omunye umuntu, kufanele uzilungiselele "ukukufunda" noma kunjalo. Ngoba njengengcaphuno evela ekuqaleni, ukuphuma othandweni kuyinqubo. Nawa amanye amathiphu:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuqeda Ubuhlobo Ngemibandela Emihle

1. Yamukela ukuthi kuzothatha isikhathi

Ngakho waphuma ebuhlotsheni nokuziqhenya kwakho kuphelele. Ngeshwa, awuzange ubabele ubusuku obunzima obubuchitha ucabanga nge-ex yakho. Manje ulapha, uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungadlula kanjani umuntu ngokushesha. Nethezeka, awukwazi ukuphuma othandweni ne-ex yakho ngokuphazima kweso. Ukwelapha kuthatha isikhathi ngakho-ke zivumele ukuba uphatheke kabi futhi ucabange ngabo isikhashana.

Ukulalela ibhendi yabo abayintandokazi, ukudla uphudingi enihlala nindawonye nobabili, noma nidlula esitolo sakhe sezingubo eziyintandokazi - izikhathi ezifana nalezi ziyohlale zenza umqondo wakho uzulazule kulokho obekungahamba ngendlela ehlukile nokuthi kungani izinto zingahambanga kahle. Kungokwemvelo ukubuza le mibuzo ngakho-ke zinike wena nenhliziyo yakho isikhathi esithile sokucubungula nokwelapha. Zitshele, “Ukuzinika isikhathi kwamukelekile.”

2. I-Introspect - Cabanga ngezizathu zakho

Ukukusiza ukuthi ukhohlwe omthandayo, udinga ukuqiniseka ngezizathu zakho. Ubusubathanda na? Yini obuyithanda ngabo? Kungani kufanele uwakhohlwe? Kuyosho ukuthini uma ungakwazi? Yini esengozini? Ungakwazi ukuzijwayeza ukwenza ijenali. Kujenali kufanele ubhale phansi lokhu okulandelayo:

• Ingabe kwakuwuthando ngempela? Abantu abaningi badida ukukhangwa futhi ukuthatheka ngothando. Mhlawumbe, uzizwa ujabule ngethemba lothando olusha futhi lapho ukunakwa kungabuyiselwa, ukuba sengozini kwakho kukwenza uzizwe wenqatshiwe futhi ukudida lokhu nothando lweqiniso.
• Kungani ngidinga ukuzikhohlwa? Zibuze ukuthi yini eholele kulesi sigaba lapho kumele uvalelise kubo. Uma kukhona okungahambi kahle ngomlingani wakho noma ngobudlelwano bakho ngenxa yakho okumele uyeke ukubabona, kubhale phansi. Bhala phansi ukuthi kungani kungazange kuphumelele. Kamuva, uma uzigeja, lolu hlu luzokukhumbuza ukuthi kungani bekudingekile ukuluqeda
• Yini engcupheni? Zibuze ukuthi bekuzokwenzekani uma ungabadedeli? Kwakuzothinta bani futhi kanjani?
• Kungani ukubakhohlwa kungilungele? Bhala phansi zonke izindlela okungenzeka ngazo lokhu kuhlukana kwakho kube yinzuzo kuwe ukuthi ukhumule izibuko zakho ezinemibala e-rose olilela ngazo ukulahlekelwa kwazo.

Uma usuziqinisekisile ukuthi impilo yakho ingashintsha ibe ngcono kangakanani uma uthatha isinqumo sokuhlukana nomuntu ongakuphatha kahle, kungase kube lula. Ukubhala izinto phansi kungase kukwenze usondele ohlangothini lwezinto ezinengqondo futhi kukwenze umelane kancane nokunqotshwa izinkumbulo.

Nansi indlela abakwenza ngayo: Lapho uSammy eqonda ukuthi ubudlelwano bakhe bezinyanga ezintathu noTrevor babungebona ubuhlobo kwasekuqaleni, wamnqoba ngokushesha. Waqaphela ukuthi ukukhathazeka ngaye kuphela okwakumdonsela kuye. Eqinisweni, kwakungekho lutho olungokwemvelo noma olungokoqobo phakathi kwabo. Lapho esefinyelele kulokhu kuqonda, kwacaca ukuthi wayengamthandi ngempela kodwa wayeziqinisekisa ukuthi uyamthanda.

3. Okungabonwayo kuyahlanya

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokubhekana nanoma yikuphi ukulutheka ukunciphisa ukunikezwa kwako noma ukudala igebe phakathi kwakho nomuntu okulutheka kuye. Uma udinga ukuyeka ukucabanga ngowakwakho wangaphambili noma lowo muntu othando lwakhe aluvunyelwe, kufanele unqamule konke ukuxhumana. Impela ungalungisa uhlu lwemingcele engashiwongo uma ufisa ukuhlala ungumngane omuhle naye esikhathini esizayo. Kodwa okwamanje, awukwazi ukubakhipha ohlelweni lwakho ngaphandle kokuthi ubakhiphe empilweni yakho. Nazi ezinye izeluleko zokususa ingqondo yakho kancane kancane emicabangweni yabo:

• Ungavakasheli izindawo abavakashela kuzo
• Zithulise noma uyeke ukuzilandela ezinkundleni zokuxhumana (ukuze ungazicuphi futhi zingaveli kokuphakelayo kwakho njalo uma ukuqabula)
• Susa izingxoxo ukuze ungazizwa ulingeka ukuthi uzivakashele kabusha
• Uma udinga, sicela ulahlekelwe ukuxhumana nabangane ababili
• Lahla izinto ezikukhumbuza i-ex yakho uma ukwazi, njengezinto zabo noma into abakunike yona

Thatha isikhathi eside njengoba udinga ukuqoqa amandla ukuze uqhubeke ngaphandle kwabo. Awudingi izinkumbulo ezikudinga kaningi. Zinike ikhefu elihlanzekile!

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungani Abantu Ababengasekho Bekuhlola Kuwe Ezinkundleni Zokuxhumana?

4. Zibekele umnqamulajuqu

Yebo, sikweluleka ukuthi uthathe isikhathi sakho. Kodwa zinike umnqamulajuqu ngokwengqondo mayelana nokuthi uzolila isikhathi esingakanani. Yize ingekho impendulo eqondile yokuthi kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukudlula omunye umuntu, awukwazi ukuqhubeka uququda futhi ulwela uthando lwakho olulahlekile unomphela. Kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza, siyazi! Lapho uthando luphela kungazelelwe, kuba nzima ukubheka phambili. Ubuciko bokufunda ukuthi ungakhohlwa kanjani umuntu omthandayo buhlanganisa nokubekela ingqondo yakho imigomo ethile. Kucabange njengomngcele onempilo kuwe.

Kodwa nasi isikhumbuzo sobungani sokuthi ube mnene kuwena. Zinike isikhathi osidingayo, kodwa ungazivumeli ukuthi uzitika ngokuzenyanya kanye nokuzidabukela. Kufanele usondele kumuntu wakho ophukile njengoba ubungenza enganeni. Qina kodwa futhi ube mnene. Zikhiphe osizini lwakho.

Sifisa sengathi ngabe kukhona uhlobo oluthile lwesidakamizwa samakhemikhali noma indlela yokusiqeda, kodwa konke kuncike kuwe kanye nesinqumo esisodwa esithi, “Kumelwe ngiyeke ukuzidabukela . Kumelwe ngigxile kimi.” Udinga ukuzilungisa kabusha engqondweni yakho futhi uma ufuna ngempela ukukhohlwa ngabo bese uqhubeka.

5. Bhekana nokwesaba ukungashadi futhi

Esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko zokuthi kungani ukuyeka uthando kunzima ukuthi ushintsho alujabulisi. Ungase wazi ukuthi ubudlelwano abunalo ikusasa kodwa uyaqhubeka ngoba umcabango wokuba ongashadile futhi noma impilo ngemva kwesehlukaniso iyakwesabisa. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokunqoba lokhu kwesaba ukubhekana nakho. Kodwa akudingeki kube nzima njengoba kuzwakala. Ukuzilungiselela impilo ekulindele ngakolunye uhlangothi lwalobu budlelwano kubalulekile.

Uma usebudlelwaneni obuzibophezele isikhathi eside, impilo yakho eboshwe kufanele yenze umcabango wokuphinde ube ongashadile usabise nakakhulu. Ngeza kulokho, izingane ezithembele noma eminye imithwalo yemfanelo! Ukulungiselela, kulesi simo, kungase kuthathe umzamo owengeziwe futhi kungase kuhlanganise izinto ezifana nokukhuluma nomeluleki wezezimali, ukubuka ukuqashwa, ukuthola imisebenzi edolobheni elihlukile, njll. Kungase kube nzima futhi kungase kuthathe isikhathi eside. Kodwa kuzokwenza uzizwe uqiniseka ngokwengeziwe isikhathi eside.

Nansi indlela abakwenza ngayo: Lapho uJessica eqaphela ukuthi ukulinda isoka ngokulangazela kwakumenza adabuke kakhulu futhi wayecabanga ngowayengumlingani wakhe nakakhulu, wanquma ukwamukela ukungashadi ngobuhle bako bonke. Wajoyina ikilasi le-spin, wayevolontiya endaweni yokukhosela izinja kusihlwa, futhi waqala ukuhlangana namantombazane ukuze bathole iziphuzo njalo ngempelasonto! Ake sithathe kuJessica - ukuba ongashadile ngenjabulo nokuzama ukuzithola kabusha kuyindlela engcono kakhulu kunokuzizwa ubuhlungu bothando olulahlekile.

6. Thola izinto ozoshintsha ngazo imicabango yakho edabukisayo

Elinye isu lokunciphisa umuzwa wokungabikho kwabo ukufaka esikhundleni sembobo abayishiya ngokunye. Njengoba usanda kuphelelwa uthando nomngane wakho omkhulu noma umlingani wakho amashumi eminyaka, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi akekho ongangena esikhundleni sakhe kodwa awumfuni ozothatha indawo yakhe. Ufuna izindlela ezinempilo, izinto ezinenjongo, ubudlelwano, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okungasebenza njengekhambi lemizwa yakho engemihle futhi kukusize uphile kulesi sikhathi esinzima. Nazi ezinye izinto ongazizama:

• Yiba nomcabango ozothatha isikhundla: Isikhathi ngasinye lapho uwacabanga, cabanga ngomcabango ojabulisayo okholelwa kuwo. Lokhu kuzokusiza ugweme ukuzidabukela.
• Kanye nomsebenzi wokubuyisela: Kufanele wazi ukuthi ungancika ngani ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uzithola ukhubeka phezu kwezinkumbulo. Ngokwesibonelo, zitshele, “Noma nini lapho ngibakhumbula, ngiya emnyango wami, ngigqoke izicathulo zami futhi ngiphume ngiyoshaywa umoya, ngizozikhumbula ngaphandle hhayi endlini”
• Hlangana nabantu abasha: Cha, akusho ukuthi udinga a ukuphola ngejubane spree ngoba ungase ube ntekenteke kancane ukuthatha lokho. Esikucebisayo nje ukuthi uvele uqinisekise ukuthi unombuthano wobungani okhudlwana nabantu abazokugcina uqhubeke lapho uzizwa udangele

Nansi indlela abakwenza ngayo: UJim unguthisha, futhi lapho umlingani wakhe othandana naye ethembisana nowayengumlingani wakhe, uJim wazizwa sengathi ubuhlungu bakhe abupheli. Wabe eseqhamuka nesu lokushintsha imicabango yakhe ngendlela efanele kwaze kwaba yilapho ingqondo yakhe iqala ukwenza lokho ngenxa yakhe. Njalo lapho ecabanga ngaye, wayezitshela ukuthi, “Abafundi bami bangithanda kakhulu. Nginothando olukhulu empilweni yami.” Wayazi ukuthi kufanele enzeni uma emkhumbula. Wayeka noma yini ayeyenza wabuka ifilimu elungiselela isifundo ayesifundisa. Uthando ngomsebenzi wakhe lwamsiza ukuba alulame.

7. Zijwayeze ukuqaphela ukuze weqe uthando oluhlangothi olulodwa

Uthando olungabuyiswanga luyinto enzima kakhulu ukuyikhohlwa nokubhekana nayo. Ukuzama ukuphuma othandweni nomuntu ongakaze uthandana naye kuletha izinselelo zakho njengoba inhliziyo ilokhu ilangazelela into engakaze ibe yakho. Ukuzijwayeza ukuqaphela kungakusiza ukuthi wamukele isimo njengoba sinjalo. Imisho elandelayo ingase izwakale inengqondo kakhulu, kodwa lolu hlobo lokuzihlola lungasiza kakhulu. Cabanga ngalokhu isikhashana:

• Angikwazi ngempela ukukushintsha, akunjalo?
• Kunjalo nje
• Uthando yinto enhle. Ngibonga ikhono lami lokuthanda
• Umuntu ozongiphelezela impilo yami yonke yimina. Ngingumngane wami weqiniso. Ukuzithanda kuwuthando lwangempela
• Abukho ubudlelwano obungaphumeleli
• Awukho umugqa wesikhathi wobudlelwano. Uhambo oluphelayo, luyaphela. Akulona uhambo oluhlulekile noma olungaphelele

8. Zijayeze

Enye indlela yokugcwalisa leso sikhala esishiywe uthando lwakho ngabo ukusifaka esikhundleni saso ngokuzithanda wena nokunakekela inhlalakahle yakho. Isahluko esisha empilweni yakho sikulindile futhi kufanele uqoqe amandla okuguqula ikhasi futhi uthole injabulo. Ukuzithanda kungakwelapha ngendlela okungekho okunye okungakwenza ngayo. Kungaba nezinhlobo ezahlukene zokuzinakekela, ezinye zazo yilezi:

• Zama ukuzizwisa okusha: Yenza izinto ezintsha, yenza umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa, bhalisela ikilasi, funda ubuciko obusha, noma joyina uhlobo oluthile lweklabhu
• Zijwayeze ubuciko bokuphila 'manje': Letha ushintsho olwazini esimisweni sakho, penda udonga ngombala omusha noma wenze okuthile okungokomfanekiso ukuze udedele umuzwa ongemuhle wokunamathela.
• Prakthiza amasu okucabangela: I-Yoga nokuzindla kungakusiza uphulukise futhi uqinise ngaphakathi
• Beka phambili izintshisekelo zakho: Kumele uzibheke ngothando olulingana nalo muntu ozama ukumdlula. Zinike noma yini oyidingayo ukuze ube nobudlelwano obunempilo nawe
• Faka phakathi ukunyakaza esimisweni sakho: Akudingekile ukuthi uzijezise ngokuphoqelela uhlelo lokuzivocavoca oluqinile. Kunalokho bheka izindlela zokudala zokufaka umnyakazo endleleni yakho yokuphila. Eminye imibono? Ukubhukuda, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, ukudansa, ukulima

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-15 Ezicashile Zokuthi Ukuhlukana Kuseduze Futhi Umlingani Wakho Ufuna Ukuqhubeka Nokuphila

9. Funa ukwesekwa ngenkuthalo

Abathandekayo bakho bazoba yindlela engcono kakhulu ongayenza uma uzama ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni obungasekho noma obuyingozi . Thembela kubo. Nciphisa umthwalo ngokwabelana ngawo nabo. Bangaba uhlelo lwakho olukhulu lokusekela njengoba uzama ukuxoxisana ngemizwa yakho exubile. Bangase bakunikeze nombono omusha.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukuchitha isikhathi nabangani bakho namalungu omndeni kuzokwenza ubone ukuthi uthandwa futhi ukhethekile kangakanani. Ukunakekela kwabo, ukukukhathalela, nemfudumalo ngakuwe kuyokusiza uqonde ukuthi ubaluleke kakhulu.

Ukuba yingxenye yobudlelwano obudinga ukuthi uhoxe kumuntu omthandayo kungakulimaza ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo. Ukuzihawukela kungabangela izinkinga zokuzethemba, izinkinga zokuthembana esikhathini esizayo, ukukhathazeka, kanye nokucindezeleka. Unganqikazi ukuya kuchwepheshe uma ubhekene nobunzima bokubhekana nesimo. Uma udinga lokho, iphaneli yochwepheshe beBonobology ilapha ukuzokusiza.

Akumele uzizwe unecala ngokuphuma othandweni noma ungafuni ukuzinikela kumuntu okungeyena owakho. Ubudlelwano buyashintsha ngokuhamba kwesikhathi futhi kuhle ukuba qotho ngemizwa yakho kunokuba ulungise ukuxhumana okungalungile. Ungase uhlushwa umuzwa wecala futhi uzibuze ukuthi uphuma kanjani othandweni ngaphandle kokulimaza umuntu wakho okhethekile kodwa ungabi nonya kakhulu kuwe. Isikhathi siyawapholisa wonke amanxeba futhi nawo azowapholisa.

Lesi sihloko sibuyekezwe ngo- Okthoba, 2022.

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